Recognizing Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse includes any activity with a child for the sexual gratification of an adult or significantly older child (generally more than 4 years older). Sadly, the most common abuser is a family member or close family friend. Recognizing sexual abuse can be both tricky and heartbreaking.


How can I recognize sexual abuse if it happened to my three-and-a-half-year-old daughter? About a month ago she told me a friend of ours touched her vagina. Since that time she has said nothing else and on gentle questioning she said it did not happen. There are no behavioral changes and her behavior towards the man in question has not changed at all. They’ve always had great times together. I have no idea why she said this and my feeling is that it is completely innocent. She is also at the stage where she is very interested in what a penis is and what a vagina is – she occasionally can be found on the floor probing her vagina. But, is there anything I should be concerned about and how do I recognize real abuse of a child?
Palo Alto, California

Dr. Greene's Answer

Some of the most poignant episodes of my pediatric training were long visits with children victimized by sexual abuse. I vividly remember sitting with tears streaming down my face after hearing how children had been scarred by those they trusted.

How sad that we need to be discussing this subject for a three-and-a-half-year-old! Unfortunately, there is no age at which a child is exempt from sexual abuse. About one-third of cases occur in kids younger than six years of age, about one third in children ages six to twelve, and one third in children ages twelve to eighteen. The Fourth National Incidence Study on Sexual Abuse estimated that 1.8 in 1000 children were victims of sexual abuse.  Unfortunately, many of these children do not disclose this abuse until they are adults.

Sexual abuse includes any activity with a child for the sexual gratification of an adult or significantly older child (more than about 4 years older). Children’s intense need for affection and nurturance from older figures makes them vulnerable. Adults and older children hold a position of tremendous power in their lives. It is the abuse of this power, and the abuse of children’s trust, that is so damaging.

Three Categories of Sexual Abuse

  1. Molestation, which is defined as the touching or fondling of the genitals of a child, or asking a child to touch or fondle an adult’s genitals, or using a child to enhance pleasure from sexual acts or pornography
  2. Sexual intercourse, which includes vaginal, oral, or rectal penetration
  3. Rape, unlawful sexual activity carried out with force against a person’s will or carried out with someone under a certain age or someone who is not able to consent fully.

Most abuse begins with innocent physical contact. A needy adult then makes this a routine. Once a routine is developed, it is not uncommon to progress to intercourse.

The most common perpetrator of sexual abuse is either a family member or a close friend of the family. Sexual abuse by a stranger is quite uncommon.

Sexual abuse commonly comes to light through the child’s disclosing the incident of sexual contact to a trusted adult. Historically, a child’s word was not taken seriously. Over the last twenty years, the pendulum swung to the opposite extreme; if a child described sexual contact, it was considered a fact, and the volunteering of such information was considered very strong legal evidence. Recently, the pendulum has returned to a more balanced position: take it very seriously whenever a child mentions sexual contact, but understand that not everything said necessarily mirrors physical reality. It is important to listen to your child and bring up any and all concerns to your pediatrician who can then take appropriate next steps. 

Determining a Child is a Victim of Sexual Abuse

The best way to clarify a situation, such as you have described, is to have your child examined by a sexual abuse specialist. Most children’s hospitals have a sexual abuse team or will be able to refer you to a specialist in your area. (The two hospitals that offer this service in your area are Santa Clara Valley Medical Center in San Jose and the Keller Center at San Mateo Medical Center). Your pediatrician can also help you navigate where best to take your child for an evaluation. 

A sexual abuse examination is comprised of two basic elements. First, and perhaps most important, your daughter would be interviewed by an expert who very gently elicits information from her about what might have happened. Efforts are made to minimize the number of times a child has to tell the story and the number of people visibly present during the interview. The interviewer will let your child set the pace and may use pictures or dolls to draw her out, without suggesting to her what might have occurred. 

This is generally followed by a physical examination of the external genitals, checking for any sign of trauma (such as bleeding, tears, or inflammation), laxity, or discharge. Sometimes this will be done with magnification, using an instrument called a colposcope. This will be done with a chaperone and often a parent in the room in order to ensure comfort for the child.  A parent or a loving caregiver by the child’s head can give them support and reassurance throughout the exam. 

Note that a physical examination cannot in and of itself confirm or rule out sexual abuse. In at least half of the cases of child abuse that are confessed by the abuser, there are no findings on physical exam.

Clues to Help Recognize Sexual Abuse

Children who have actually been abused will often recant their initial statement because they are afraid of their abuser or because their abuser convinces them that this is “their little secret.” And children who have never been sexually abused will, based on normal child development, go through phases of curiosity and misunderstandings about their genitals and about sexual activity.

Several clues are associated with sexual abuse (but often the only clues are a child’s verbal statement):

  • Genital infections, redness, or discharge
  • Burning with urination
  • Urinary tract infection
  • The new onset of either bed-wetting or stool problems
  • Sudden increased sexuality with peers, animals, or objects
  • Seductive behavior
  • Age-inappropriate sexual knowledge
  • Regression
  • Other dramatic behavior changes

Hopefully, nothing significant happened to your little girl, but if my daughter came to me with the same story, I would not let the situation go uninvestigated. The scenario you have described is the most frequent way actual sexual abuse is detected.

Whatever turns out to be true, it’s important to prepare our children to protect themselves against sexual abuse. Begin by teaching them the proper names and significance of their private parts as soon as they are able to understand (about age 3). This will help to teach them that although these parts of their body are private, it is ok to talk about them and ask questions. Then they will be ready to understand and communicate what has happened to them.

Three Key Messages Children Should Understand

  • Say no if somebody tries to touch your nipples, rectum, or genitals.
  • Tell a trusted adult if someone tries to touch you.
  • Don’t keep secrets — if somebody tells you to keep a secret, let your parents know right away.

Parents need to be careful about who spends time alone with their children – where and when.  Parents should also be ready to listen and take seriously when their child has a question or concern.  Open lines of communication are incredibly important for children in order for them to feel comfortable talking about confusing or scary experiences.  

For a parent or caregiver, recognizing sexual abuse is just the beginning of the healing process — but it’s a very important first step.   Studies have shown that the long term outcomes of children who have been abused are much better if they are believed and taken seriously at the time of disclosure. Abuse should be treated by a supportive team of experts.

You have the power to make a big difference. 

References and Resources

Jenny C, et al. The evaluation of children in the primary care setting when sexual abuse is suspected. Pediatrics. 2013; 132(2):e558-e567.  

Finkel  MA, et al. Medical Evaluation of Child Sexual Abuse: A Practical Guide. Elk Grove Village, IL: American Academy of Pediatrics; 2009.

Last medical review on: July 15, 2020
About the Author
Photo of Alan Greene MD
Dr. Greene is a practicing physician, author, national and international TEDx speaker, and global health advocate. He is a graduate of Princeton University and University of California San Francisco.
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when I was around 4 or 5 years old I remember my brother and I would lay in bed and watch tv with my dad. I remember he would put his hands down the back of pants. I remember thinking how uncomfortable I was but I was afraid to push him away so I would adjust in certain ways hoping he’d have to move his hand. I remember he started putting his hand down the back of my pants and underwear and I didnt like it but I was afraid if i pushed him away he’d get mad (he was always flip flopping and either your best friend or worst enemy)
Coincidentally, after picking us up from school, on the way home, my mom told me and my siblings “if any one ever touches you and you dont like it you can tell me, even if its your dad”
and thats when i told her exactly what was making me uncomfortable.

That night, right infront of me… my dad and mom were arguing and my dad said i was a “vicious liar” and that it never happened at all.
The fact that my dad denied it was so confusing for me because I didnt actually think he was doing anything wrong, i just didnt like it. My mom just told me he was probably checking to see if i pee’d or something but I remember regretting I ever said anything. Nothing ever happened and I never cuddled with my dad or mom or anyone ever again and I turned into the worst child in the family. my dad always said im always lying, spying, or crying.

My relationship with my parents and my dad nowadays, 25 years later, is good. I dont know if what happened to me was sexual and i dont know if other sexual stuff had happened that i didnt remember. (because I was very very sexually inappropriate from as long as i can remember)
Its hard for me to think that my dad sexually abused me and im really conflicted if that is what happened?

what scarred me the most is that i trusted my mom and felt safe telling her what i did and it backfired and made me realize that i couldnt trust anyone

I need serious advice please anyone who can help…. it started when my daughter was 16 months old… I had a gut feeling that my husband (her dad) had touched her inappropriately. There wasn’t any reason to think this.. just a sudden gut feeling. Weeks later, I walked into the room and she was sitting down with her baby dolls face in her crotch area and she was making a sucking sound. When I asked her was she was doing she made the sound again and then stopped. Her dad and I separated for a while shortly after that incident and were on and off for a bit but he was never alone with her and she never had issues.

She potty trained herself at 2 years old and had no accidents. 1 year after being potty trained, she’s now 3 (around the time everything got shut down from covid) her dad started coming over to watch her while I went grocery shopping. After the 2nd or 3rd time, she started peeing her pants all the time. And we were always home so there was no obvious reason for it. She started to space out and kind of just check out mentally and pee her pants. I thought she was just being lazy so I began doing potty breaks to avoid accidents. She fought me about pulling down her pants. She did not want to to pee or to take a bath and she’d would cry. I thought she was just being a typical 3 yo and giving me a hard time. But the accidents persisted for about 5-6 weeks. It seemed to begin improving but then began again.. then, she started to smell like fish down there.. NOTHING helped. From diet to more water,, to bathing/no soap/soap.. nothing.. I called the ped and she was negetive for UTI and bacterial infection. I obviously told her dad about this and it seemed to all just stop after she cried out of nowhere one night and said she doesnt want me to leave her with daddy. She wants to go to the store with me so I stopped leaving her with him. All was well for almost 2 months until last week. He’s been taking her regularly for 2 days the past couple weeks.. I had a bad gut feeling again when I went to pick her up from the house he’s staying at.. I can read him well and he seemed nervous. She was watching TV and out of nowhere he just randomly asked me what ever happened last time with her peeing her pants and the smell….. my heart sunk because it was so out of the blue and I already had a bad feeling… I said “remember, I told you… everything was negetive and it all just cleared up so I let it go”…. then I took her to the bathroom before we left and she had discharge on her underwear for the first time ever…. she started smelling like fish again the next day and scremed crying holding on to me so tightly that she doesn’t want to go with him. She always says she doesn’t want to but he tells her she has no choice. He always buys her stuff almost like an attempt to make her forget she didn’t want to be with him… I took her in to the ped right away… urine was positive for nitrates and white blood cells. The results came back today that she has a UTI. Same symptoms.. except last time she was negetive for everything and this time she has all of this going on… I have had this gut feeling for so long but I don’t know what to do….I’ve caught her trying to put things in her vagina before all of this happened… so she was only 2 and to me, that’s so young for that… people say its normal though. My gut instinct has been eating me up for years at this point and now to see this happening I am so torn. She is my miracle baby and It’s killing me to think I have to just allow this if it is happening. She acts like she resents me already… any time I tell her that he’s coming to get her, she starts acting like she doesn’t love me anymore… becomes really mean towards me… I’m so hurt. I don’t know what to do…

My 4 year old granddaughter adamantly insists that an 8 year old neighbor boy took her to the bathroom, gave her his camera and asked her take a picture of her vagina. He showed her how to pull down her pants, put the camera between her legs and snap the picture. His parents say it never happened and my granddaughter is lying. Do I call the police?

I caught my husband for 11 years with putting his hand down my 16 month old baby’s nappy. He had previously tried to be alone with her al lot and once I walked in on him whilst carrying her and he immediately dropped his hand from under her skirt. I reported the whole thing and he was arrested. I fled to a refuge with my kids and we went to court. I lost the case and he has now been granted overnight stays with her and my son starting this weekend. I am terrified that the thing I feared had now happened. I cannot be there to protect her and if I don’t take her for the visitation, I risk losing her entirely.
She has already had some unsupervised time with him in the community as ordered by the court and came back refusing I change her nappy saying no no no. her brother was there as well. The thing is when I saw him doing these things to her, it was in public because I didn’t allow him acces to her in private due to my suspicions. Now, he will potentially have access to her in private. I feel really helpless and don’t know what to do. She is non-verbal at 2 and won’t be able to tell me if anything bad happens to her. What do I do?

I just left a 6 month relationship where I was elated to date a man who was a great dad to his 6 year old daughter. He has been divorced one year.
Now that we have been broken up one month, I am trying to logically decide if some of the behavior I witnessed is enough to report to child services. I have felt off about him and our relationship since what I began to see a few months ago, and what I saw only escalated.
The things that have been happening are more psycho-sexual in nature. My ex-boyfriend has 50/50 custody of his daughter and sleeps with his daughter every night he has her in his underwear, and draws on her back to put her to sleep. He says that she refuses to sleep in her own room and always wants to touch him and be close to him at night, but isn’t this the adult’s decision and not the child’s? She actually began removing her clothing in the middle of the night saying that she wanted to be ‘skin to skin’, and wanted to sleep naked (in underwear) like her father. The child displays behavior that is very unlike other 6 year olds I know. She has a total emotional breakdown if her father’s attention is taken away from her for even several seconds, to the point of crying. He seems to be giving her a very intense level of attention and physical contact that is more akin to a spouse than a little girl. Since I found out about the co-sleeping nightly, I suggested that it was probably time for her to sleep in her own bed, but he kept sleeping with her. They go on month-long trips alone together out of the country, without the ex/wife obviously, and co-sleep in hotels as well. For me it feels like the little girl’s physical boundaries are not being respected properly, and her behavior is showing that she is being groomed to act in sexual ways. Not to mention her emotional instability. I know of several times when she has expressed to him ‘stop touching me’ or ‘stop rubbing my leg’.
Another detail that could come into play – my ex engaged in sexual behavior with me at night once and told me he didn’t remember. So he was either dreaming, or lying, but that shows he does not have sexual control while he sleeps or he is, well – a liar. What if this behavior ever happened with his daughter?
So as you see, I don’t think he’s engaging her in sexual acts with her, but there is inappropriate contact. I want to protect this little girl, because I trust my gut instincts, and I have always felt off about what I’ve seen. Since she is 6, he will obviously have to help her dress and bathe to some extent, but most of the touching I have witnessed is more out of his own desire than anything a kid needs adult help with.
I’m quite happy to be without my ex, since he has officially creeped me out, and I wouldn’t say I’m heartbroken or even angry with him. But I just don’t think these actions are enough to report. Thoughts?

My son is 4 years old, a month ago he told me his friend who’s my neighbor’s son put his penis in his his anus. i was utterly shocked. sometime when my son was 3 he had told his dad that this same child (who’s 11yrs old now) touched his penis but he didn’t mention it to me, and then he always accused everyone of touching his penis apparently we were teaching him about his body parts and when to scream if someone is touching him inappropriately, so i didn’t think much of the first accusation he made though i questioned the other child and he said he had never touched my son’s penis. but this second accusation was alarming and so we took him to hospital and the doctor said there was no penetration but after asking my son different manipulative questions his answer was still the same. but about a week ago my 4 year old son came to me and said “mummy Samuel did not put his penis in my bombom (anus) Samuel is a good boy” so i asked him why did he say that the boy put his penis in his anus in the first place? but he kept saying he’s sorry and he wouldn’t do that again I then asked him who told him to lie about it? he said it was his dad, but i asked him so many times after but his answer was not consistent what he kept saying though was that the other child had never touched his penis or put his penis in his anus. right now i’m so confused cos i don’t know what to think, i and his dad are separated and the dad has reported this case to the social workers and there are threats of the child likely to be withdrawn from me. Please i need advice.

I really need help. My granddaughter at 2 always said her butt hurt. She would bend over and point at her butt for no reason. She got a UTI. I a former CNA knew she had one from the smell. About 5 months after that her step dad got indecent exposure charges on him. Somehow they were changed to trespassing while my son was going for full custody. I don’t see my GC that often, now at age 3 her mom asked when was her dad curious of his privates. Not at 3. She said she was trying to insert a mermaid doll in her in the tub. Not normal! Then she says she has a UTI 4 days later. I offer to take her, but she hanged her mind but let her come to spend the night. We caught he cutting her baby dolls throat with a plastic knife and stabbing in the privates. She also scratched her in the privates saying she wanted to cut and hurt her. I asked did someone do that to her. She said yes. I said do you tell your Mom. She said Yes. What do I do? I told my son


I’m so sorry your granddaughter is going through this. And what a tough position you are in. You may be the only person in the situation that has all this information and the ability to process that information. Her mother may have clues, but it’s very difficult to believe that a man you love would hurt your child.

It would be ideal for you to take her to a pediatrician and tell them the story. Pediatricians are bound by law to call Child Protective Servies if they suspect abuse. The child’s mother may lash out at you if you take her to the doctor without her permission. This may leave you no choice and you may need to call CPS yourself. While calling seems extreme, it may be the only option you have.

I hope that helps.
Best, @MsGreene
Note: I am the co-founder of, but I am not Dr. Greene and I am not a doctor. Please keep that in mind when reading my comments and replies.

Again, I’m so sorry.

Wow. Sexual abuse is a LOT worse than I thought. On a scale from 1 to 100 of how bad it was, I thought it was a 90. Now I KNOW it’s a 100!😨

So I have a 2 almost 3 year old nephew and him and I are extremely extremely close. My sister is the mom and his father has passed. sense his dads passing he stays with his dads parents and a bunch of other people who live there as well. The catch is my sister got into skittle trouble and the grandmother went for temporary guardian ship and was granted it. But my nephew has told me on multiple occasions he doesn’t like it there, there mean he has told me they’ve done things to him points to where and I reported it twice and because the found no physical evidence supporting my story they left him in there home and he s still there til this day. I know he is telling the truth I never doubted him for a second and I also no it’s more the one person in that house. Is there anything I can do to get him out of there even though they have guardianship at the moment?? Can I go file something to have him taken out of there? I need severe help with this. Please! Everytime I see him he’s more and more different and mad and angry.

So recently I see my dad touching my six-year-old sister inappropriately. Both my parents see it as a “game” but I’m really disturbed and worried about her. I don’t know if I’m being overdramatic because I love my sister or if I’m right. My dad is viewed as the nicest person and they both carry on the image of the best parents among our relatives,so I know they won’t believe me(cuz I’m not that close with them since I went to college). I’m totally alone and I don’t know if its my anxiety or something else,but I wanna report this if it continues. Any advice?

Ok so my daughter age 4 is currently staying with her father until I get into a place.

She was potty trained at 2 and is now peeing her pants continually.
At one point she had towles me its becuse of big bird she is scared he will come out of the toilet so she stopped useing the bathroom.
I went to see her the other day and she went her pants
Now she always wants mom to change her pants and will throw fits but this time she was in tears and even said it hurts when he does it .
Now I tryed talking to his mom who said I better not thinking anything out of line but looking and what iv told you what would you think?

Hello, I am very worried about my five year old son. Me and his father are divorced and he seeing his father few days in week. We are separeted about two months. Problem is that my son when is very happy jump on me and immitating sexuall intercourse, and I saw that once again when he was on a toy horse. He has problems with language, cant speak very well. In kindergarten no one nothing said abot his strange behaviour. Everobody say that everything is just fine but at home I saw something different. He is very cheerful child, likes children and like to play but this is very strange to me. Love his father and seems that have good relationship with him, but I am very worried. Please help me. Thank you

My son is 6 years old and recently told me that a friend of his who is 9 years old has been touching his privates. He pulled his pants down and touched him and kissed him there. This has happened on several playdates already. My 6 year old told him to stop, but he continued to do it. My other son who is 8 was also there – This boy asked him if he wanted to take down his pants and he said no. I spoke with the mother and she told me this boy was abused when he was younger. She brought him to the hospital the next day and the doctor told her that was just “typical boy behavior”. I was very angry because I don’t see this behavior as normal – I see it as molestation. Am I overreacting? This behavior is very disturbing to me and I don’t know what to do – Should I report it? He also plays with other children in the neighborhood and I am worried about them as well. I would appreciate any advice you can give on this situation.

I’ve been visiting your website a few times and decided to give you some positive feedback because I find it very useful. Well done.

So recently i had a memory come into mind that is very troubling… i remembered that when i was six my dad rubbed my private area with his fingers while i was sitting on the bathroom sink with my legs up totally exposed. I was thinking maybe i needed ointment there, but is it appropriate for my dad to be doing that when i could have most likely done it on my own. Not sure where my mom was at the time but for sure not around. I am also not sure if this was my only experience I blocked out most of my childhood and am very uncomfortable around him as a teen and around any older man. My grandfather also slapped my butt one time(12) and when i was younger(8-9) would say im coming in when i was showering as a joke and laugh all time time before and during a shower. I feel like i could have suppressed some bad memories which could explain my discomfort. i also feel very uncomfortable when my legs are open and feel aroused if my legs are open for too long in some situations. please help!

I need advice!
Last week my 5 year old daughter invited a friend from school to our house for a playdate. They were playing in the livingroom while I was preparing some snacks in the kitchen. Suddenly, when I went to the livingroom to check out on the girls, I found out that my daughter was very scared and told me that her friend asked her to pull down her pants and then licked her privates and forced her to repeat the same on her. After this I was very scared and ask my daughter`s friend if what she was saying was true, but she denied it.
After this incident my daughter has been normal, she thought it just was a strange game.
But im worried for the other girl, maybe she was been abused or has seen things she is not supposed to.
Yesterday I spoke to the mother and she denied that anything happened.
What should I do?

Well I am 20 and when i was 14 my moms boyfriend [redacted] PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME SOME ADVICE!!!!😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳

You need to call and report this. This is NOT something a child woulld do if they had not seen or had done to themselves. PLEASE call and report. This child has no voice for herself. You may be the only one who knows anything may be wrong. If you disclose to her school they are mandated to call, but you can do a no name referrel to dcfs or cps.

In need of advice!! I have 4 kids, 8 year old boy, 7 year old girl, 1 year old boy and a 3 month old girl. My fiance and I recently moved into his parents while our house is getting remodeled. My fiance dad has picked a favorite. He stands up for my 7 year old daughter, goes out of his way to talk to her and so on. Now mind you, he has voiced more than once that he just can “handle” my oldest, and that he needs his butt whooped more, that he is disrespectful.. By now I have noticed and started voicing my concern to my fiance that I am starting to get uncomfortable with him around my daughter, something feels off, and I am not okay with the others being pushed to the side. Okay, then one day he just up and decides, while inside dealing with the two youngest, to take my 7 year old through the pasture on his tractor. He told my 8 year old that he will go with him next. So my 8 year comes in and tells me, and i go outside not liking the fact that permission was not asked and watch them, getting close so he knows that i am right there. And he after a little while brings her back and tells her that she cant go with him anymore because her “boney” butt, hurt his butt. That was the last straw with me, I had developed a very strong gut feeling that things were not right.Other moments; My fiance has went to work a few times, and I have caught his father coming down and staring at us. When confronted he said he was just “checking” on us. So we decided to keep the kids close, and set up cameras. On the camera in front of my 7 year old daughters bed, he was caught twice being downstairs in front of her bed; The first time it only shows him looking around her bed. The second time it showed him picking up a pair of her panties, making sure no one was around, smelling them a couple times and then putting them in the exact same place that they were to begin with. Now he was confronted on this matter also. His response to me asking why he smelt her panties, and what made him think that was okay. Was; “She was gassy, they smelt weird.” I then I stated that he wouldn’t have smelt anything if he hadn’t picked them up, and why?! His answer was, “I know I’m weird, I don’t know why i am the way i am.” That night I decided to go to the police, I was told that I couldn’t get a protection order because no criminal act had happened. They did however set a trial date, but said it may not go any further then that because while disturbing, and absolutely nasty its not illegal.
Mind you, my fiances mother and father are now split up, her words as to why, were because she doesn’t understand the way he is or why he does these things. She packed her things and left that night.
Now here is why I need advice; There has got to be something that can be done. My daughter is 7. She sees nothing wrong with this behavior. What if when they babysat my kids, something happened, beings that shes see nothing wrong here? What do I do? What can I do?
I have been doing so much research, trying to wrap my brain around it all. I mean someone my children grandpa… Someone they all see as safe… Someone she has trusted… Please help?!

Hi Shayla, I am currently studying for my PhD in child sexual abuse prevention. I myself was a victim of abuse and I have worked with many people who have also been sexually abused. I think your instinct is right here. As Dr Greene mentions above, the abuser is usually a family member or friend (over 90% of cases!), basically someone who can get the child to trust them. At first the child will most likely not recognise the abuse. And when they do know something is wrong they may be threatened by the abuser, things like ‘I’ll hurt your mum’, ‘I’ll hurt you’, your teddy, your siblings…etc. Abusers are sneaky and charming. They try and make excuses when they are caught and put the blame on others.

You are right not to trust him. The pantie sniffing would be the final line for me. I’m disgusted the police did not offer you further advice and I am so sorry you have had to deal with this on your own.

I’m not a doctor, so apologies if I have no place offering advice. My suggestion would be to get hold of some child sexual abuse prevention books. They are brilliant books which teach children about CSA prevention in age appropriate ways. Like Dr Greene mentions, teaching body part names is essential. These books also teach not to keep secrets which might cause them harm/make them feel uncomfortable, who to talk to, what is appropriate touch and what is inappropriate, etc. I personally feel every school should be teaching these skills and lessons, countless studies show how essential this information is for preventing abuse/preventing it from continuing.

I would also say don’t let him babysit. He is showing very clear signs of inappropriate behaviour and seems to have no regard for your feelings on this matter. They are your children and you have the right to decide who can look after them.

Lastly, I just want to wish you all the luck. It is an incredibly difficult situation he has put you in and I really hope you, and your children, are kept safe and your wishes respected. The fact that you are looking for help tells me that you all will be fine.

I found my 3 year old boy playing with his private part in the shower so I yelled at him and told him not too.. he said rick touched my peepee (rick is my boyfriend) I wanted to pass out, I asked him again and he said yes then I asked him where? he said school but that’s a lie bc rick wouldn’t be at his school then he said house, couldn’t wrap my head around it so I asked him a couple more times and he switched up saying no he didn’t. An hour later I asked him again, real gently rubbing his face so he doesn’t get the impression I’m upset and I ask him who touched your peepee, and he said nobody. I told my bf and he blew up on me saying he’s hurt that how can I accuse him of such thing. My bf has treated my son like his own from the beginning. I honestly feel so lost and upset. Idk if I’m over thinking or my kid is lying but it’s driving me crazy. Idk what to believe. Help on how do go about this :/


What a tough situation.

I’m guessing your son was surprised by your response. His initial accusation may or may not have been accurate. It may have been a “I’m in trouble, how do I get myself out of this?” response. When we ask the same question repeatedly, kids may change their stories because they think we’re looking for a specific answer. They want to please us. All this leaves you not knowing what to believe.

I’m not a doctor, but if I were in this situation I would find a local child psychologist that specializes in play therapy with preschoolers. These trained professionals engage kids in age-appropriate play with dolls or coloring and over time the unedited answer can come out. You can locate a therapist by calling your local children’s hospital and ask them for a recommendation for a therapist. I would, however, be very careful about revealing why you want this session. If authorities suspect your son is being abused by someone in the home, they may be required to get involved.

I hope that helps.
Best, @MsGreene
Note: I am the co-founder of, but I am not Dr. Greene and I am not a doctor. Please keep that in mind when reading my comments and replies.

I am 24 years old, my father trying to close to me in a wrong way when i am 16 years old my father hug me so tightly, touch his penis with me, whenever i slept i felt that my blanket was removing and someone trying to touch my vagina or saw my vagina when i woke i saw that my father roaming me in very wrong way, when i press my dad legs or arms he said to me that “sat on my under legs ” and i told him that why i sat on your under legs he smiled and said nothing, I felt always uncomfortable with my dad whenever no one is in room he huge me and imply me when he was lonely in his room. I told all this situation to my mother she was discussed all things to dad but he refused and my mom said to me that i excuse to my dad. I thought that may be i am wrong but after months ago he was doing same things i told my dad don’t imply me when you are lonely and why you doing all these things no one real father doing these things with her daughter. He said to me if i fulfill his all needs then he will be fulfilled my all my desired which i want. I refused and said that if he does not changed her behavior i told to my mother. My mother can understand me and believe on me that i never told a lie.
One more things whenever i undress my clothes for washing he checked out or smelled my clothes specially my trouser i don’t why.
AND whenever my proposal came he behaved roughly and said to my mom this boy is not good or disputed at home whenever my talked about my proposal or marriage topic.
I don’t know what i do my mom also very worried she had not any other support i also have 2 sisters and one brother .
Kindly help me…..

this definitely sounds like abuse. Even if your mom disagrees she is wrong and in a state of denial. if you are in school you could tell this to a trusted adult. they should be able to help you navigate this. you could also call domestic abuse shelters. you can google them in your area to find one close to you. wish you the best, this is not your fault.

My 9yr old daughter just informed me that when her mother is away or sleeping her stepdad forced her to watch porn videos on his phone and when she knocked the phone away and said no he slapped her in the face and made her watch it,she was so scared she said she urinated in her pants,she has also told us that he makes comment asking her to suck his toes or nipple but I don’t know the context of the conversation, and calls her bad names and both mother and Stepfather smokes marijuana in the house and has even asked her to before and her mother and him claim its lies but there is to many details to not believe her and she goes back to them in 5 days as she is custodial parent and I only had her for a small portion of summer scared to send her back, should I take her to the sheriffs office and report this? I don’t know what to do but I’m scared of whats next if I say nothing. PLEASE HELP.

Whether she is telling the truth or not, it’s a cry for help. Take her to the police. They can tell you who else should get involved.

My 7 year old granddaughter told me recently that mommy’s boyfriend comes into her room while mommy’s sleeping (she didn’t disclose that anything happened) however she has been quite withdrawn lately and complains of tummy aches all the time. Just a week ago she was rubbing herself, when asked what’s wrong she said it hurts and she doesn’t know how it happened. Should I be worried?

I would say that’s a sign of abuse. Get her to the doctor and therapist. I’m a survivor of child rape and molestation. I don’t remember it when it happened the first time, because I was only 8 months old. I don’t remember a lot of my early childhood until the age of five. I remember from then on but nothing before that.

My mom actually told me what that evil monster did to me a few years ago. I’m still trying to deal with it, I mean I knew something happened to me because he bit me on my face because I wouldn’t stop crying while he was having his way with me after he tried killing me to get rid of the evidence. Thank God my mom came home when she did because I wouldn’t be writing this right now, but she said that he tried drowning me in the waterbed and she couldn’t find me at first and then she did, but I was almost dead, black and blue, and had red dots all over me, and blood everywhere. So what I’m saying is trust your instincts, they’re usually never wrong. God gave um to us for a reason, listen to it.

So I got rid of my partner my daughter told me he was acting inappropriately towards her, my gut was screaming that he was paying too much attention in adult ways, And she was vacillating from hating him and liking him all along I suppose that was manipulation on his part, looking back he was obsessed with her comparing the size of her feet to mine, clothing size, once in while he would call her a little tramp, then he would turn around and act controlling and authorative to her when she was acting out by running away in the middle of the night and letting boys over, I was so confused by his actions, when she would sit in the car in the front seat he would play certain songs on the radio as if they were to her, and one time squeezed her thigh really hard calling it the claw, Knock on door when she is bathroom, when we were out to dinner one night eating japense food the three of us, he looks at me and says the oldest one should open the fortune cookie, he had called me grandma on two occasions as I am six years his senior, so I kicked him to the curb, finally what did it was my daughter saying Mom your boyfriend wants to date me, he has been putting his hands my back every where we go, you don’t see it? So that was it the last night we spent together I slept on the couch got up that morning and drove to a pkg lot, my daughter had ran to a friends house in the middle of the night, I was scared and confused, my partner found me and starting screaming at me, I was afraid of him as we had physical fights before, I called the police on him from my house got a no tresspass warrant on him, which he later that night broke, beat the crap out of me, I called cops again he was arrested, no contact order in place one year, I will never get to tell him what he already knows about himself, but my daughter is safe as I am too but we both have ptsd, I only hope nothing more to come.

Suspect abusive situation grooming behavior, my new partner wants all of my teen daughters attention when it’s just the three of us wants her to sit up front in the car, touches her lower back as she walks with us, takes extreme interest in her emotions and feelings and ignores mine most of the time, he has invited her to places that interest her without me asked to come along. He knocks on the bathroom door when she is in there sometimes it’s weird feelings I get she kind of mentioned something about him being creepy

This doesn’t sound good at all. Trust your instincts. It’s not worth risking your daughter’s welfare for him — besides, he’s not treating you well. Time to send him packing — IMHO.

mt 33yr old daughter recently informed me t hat her decised father abused her wen she was 9. he passed away 2011. she gave me a note when she was 9 saying her dad raped her. I questioned her about it at the time and she denied it happened said she was just wrighting notes and nothing happened to her. now 24 vears later when hes not with us any more she is saying again it did happen I done nothing about it please help me I’m at my wittes end as she wont speak to me about it, she sais I swept it under the carpet wen she was a chil. I don’t know what to do.

I know it’s hard to hear, but you did sweep it under the rug! I was also 9 when I told my mother in notes and she confronted him in front of me and I said he didn’t do it! Your daughter was afraid, I was afraid. You and my Mother were the adults that we counted on to protect us. With that being said I have forgiven my mother as I am sure she will forgive you in her on time. But until you take full responsibility for failing her and tell her how sorry you are, it’s not going to happen. Then the next thing you have to do is forgive yourself because as humans sometimes we fall short of what we are needed to be! I wish you the best and I hope you and your daughter work things out.

I don’t have a comment or anything I need some advice
I have been staying with my sister for two months now, I have heard and seen some wierd things. My four year old niece I’m worried about her, but I don’t know whether I’m over reacting and if I’m not I don’t now what to do to help.
My sister said to my niece if you don’t go to number 2 then your dad will have to still his fingers in and pull it out, to me this is wrong.
Also at night once he was reading a bedtime story to my niece which I saw from the room almost opposite and he was sitting in a dressing gown and rubbing his penis every time he was reading he only stopped when he had to turn the page. Now I know this is wrong.
Also he still has showers with his daughter.
Should I try and talk to my niece to find out if anything worse has happened. Or what
What do I do. I want to make sure my niece is safe from harm, I can’t remove her as I am currently living with my sister.
I’m leaving soon but I don’t want to leave if this is going on and something worse happens.

I hope you see this message. DO NOT attempt to question your niece on your own. Many predators have walked due to inappropriate questioning techniques of a child. You need someone who is specially trained in forensic interviewing to talk to her-this is very important! You need to call your local Child Protective Services and file a report of abuse. These reports are anonymous. At some point, it may come out that it was you, just by process of elimination, so do be prepared for that and take the necessary steps to distance yourself from them and the home in the interim. But please, please make that call for the sake of your niece. The husband at the very least is abusing the daughter, or if it hasn’t happened yet, it soon will.

Hi, this is my second marriage and we were very much in love and did a lot of great family things together. 10 yrs. He treated my 2 kids like they were his own. My husband has always been very accommodating to my son and bent over backwards extremely nice to his friends then my daughter had a baby girl. She’s 4 now . In April my husband was accused by his ex-wife’s 2 nieces of molesting them back in 2004. My husband and granddaughter were extremely close, and she would prefer to be with him instead of me sometimes. In July she said pop-pop put his finger in my kooka, and it hurt, she’s never shown fear or acting out in anyway.My daughter and I took her to the er no physical evidence and went thru all the child abuse stuff to follow. I’m separated from my husband but he’s still claiming his innocence and why would he hurt her, he loves her and just wants to be a family again. He is being brought on charges for the 2 nieces, in my heart I don’t want to believe he would do that but why would my granddaughter say that?? He paid $4000 for a polygraph also and came back inconclusive. HELP!!! I’m so torn I know in my head I can’t be with him but my heart is confused. Any suggestions.

Well obviously he’s claiming his innocence. Who would come out and say they’re a pedophile?? Sounds to me he definitely molested the nieces and your granddaughter and is an amazing liar. Perhaps taking the grand daughter to a child therapist would help?

When I was younger I was always seeking attention from the boys. Even into my teens years I would have crushes on my brothers friends easily. I acted out a bit by stealing things like candy bars and bracelets. At some point before or just after I got married I remembered that I would always seek my boy cousin’s attention. At one point he had me perform oral on him. I’m guessing I was around eleven or so I think he was in college. Soon after that I had a flash of remembering that I was at a neighbors house… a flash vision of his erected genitals. Just then my brother came to get me for dinner and said he saw me pulling up my pants. I don’t know if anything happened. Now years later I find myself wanting to face what happened to me all those years ago but, then again I don’t.

So incredibly sad that occurred to you. Shame on your brother. The worst of all is that he gets to live his nice life and you get a trauma filled one. There are too many little girls out there getting abused by the men in their lives. Sickening

Dr. Greene, I had my nine year old in the bath tub and he brought Barney with him. He has DS. I went down the hall to fetch a towel and when I came through the doorway I stopped for my son had Barneys mouth on his penis, the he turned him over on his stomach an took his thumbs down by his butt and mounted him. He then hit Barney hard a couple of times and threw him. I have been balling all night thinking that was my son was re-enacting what some one has done to him. He won’t and doesn’t really say anything. I am just paralyzed andsad. My son hasn’t been sleeping right and the hugs and loving i give him is different. He says hes scared and walks around the house with his hand on his eyes. I’m reporting this to CPS and seeing a doctor on Monday. Their father and I aren’t together. They are with me two weeks then he gets them for a week. I date a gentleman in Florida who I travel to see. NO man is in my home. How would I know if his dad is doing it? Please help me

Perhaps your son was reenacting porn he has seen before? He’s 9 years old, it isn’t that far fetched. A lot of men report starting to watch porn around that age… Just a thought and best of luck.

My 6 year old daughter recently told me that while she was at her dads house someone another child touched all over her and her privates. I told her dad and he doesn’t believe me. When she went there he said she was wetting the bed and when she came home she was wetting the bed and I wondered why. So the other day after she came from chuck e cheese her and nephew was playing he came to me and said auntie your daughter said a curse word so I’m like what she say now he’s not a kid that curses so he like she said the s word so I asked him did she say shot, he said no and said that she sad sex and was spelling it. I asked her what sex was and she said when two people hump and stop them hump and stop again. I asked her how she know she told me the same person that touched her told her that and that she didn’t want him touching her. I asked her why she haven’t been told me this and she said because they told her I wouldn’t want her. What do I do when my daughter is scared to tell these same things to her dad and he thinks I’m making this up. But I’m.not my baby broke down screaming and crying over this and she doesn’t want to go back to her dads house. And he doesn’t seem to believe her nor does his girlfriend

Report this ASAP. Her POS father is useless and I beg you to not just sit and do anything about this. However young she is, she will definitely always remember this and will resent you if you do nothing to protect her. Report to police.

My 6yr old daughter started school because of her late birthday aug. 2016. The day after thanksgiving my daughter came home from school with several handprints on her butt and bruises went to school theh denied everything said nothing happened. Asked my daughter she said nothing called the cops they talked to her she said nothing. Then right before school Christmas break was pajama day. Teacher called around 1 to tell me my daughter had tripped with 2 little boys at lunch and one got up and smacked her ass. My daughter came home with blood on her underwear that day. School knows nothing cops have done nothing. Took her to hospital and tell nurses she has started wetting the bed and #2 on herself she wanted to be potty trained and was by a yr and a half. The nurse tells me that kids regress all the time but i dont believe that she has never had any problems. When we asked a couple week’s later she said it was a secret she has talked to kid psychologist through police. The police took her underwear to test for blood that was almost 2 months ago.

!.Please Take your child out of that school today!
2.Call the police chief everyday at a different time and ask for the results of the lab tests on your daughter’s underwear.
3.Hire an attorney who specializes in education law in your city. (Your daughter’s civil rights have been violated)
***As I’m sure you know your baby needs tons of reassurance and loving care and patience that this will not happen again. Make sure she knows that you believe her no matter what happened and when she tells you, keep as calm as possible and don’t get angry or lose your composure. She needs to know that Mommy can handle this and can take this horrific burden off her shoulders because she is in trauma still, and her school environment is UNSAFE and TOXIC.**

My 4 year old baby girl told me the clown and bad doctor touched her private and hurt her she said she was scared and she had to play secrets and keep secrets bc she would never see me again they said and they would hurt her worse. She said the clown was at my husbands moms house. And the Bad Doctor hurt her with his tools that looks like lollipops and they were different colors like lollipops. I brought her to her dr she has a UTI and something with her white blood cell levels in her urine and he said he wasn’t telling me she was but a lot of times when u see the levels like that it’s caused bc sexual contact. I went to the police department directly after and filed
a complaint. They referred her to Heart Of Hope. We went Wednesday and they did the interview with her but she said my husband and his father are the ones who touched her. But when asked to explain she would give random weird answers that didn’t make sense. Like he touched her private with a stick and when asked where did he get the stick she said the forest. The that his dad videoed her with no clothes and when asked what the camera looked like she said an elephant. They referred us to a therapist which I am calling to get appointment today. I am sickened I pray nothing has happened but why or how would my 4 year old daughter make this up. And i know I shouldn’t convict someone in my eyes until we get everything from therapists but I am not going to take anyone word over my daughter I will believe her until the end. Also the night she told me about someone touching her private she asked me to go play in her room and this is what happened. She took clothes off her babydoll to put it to bed so I put my babydoll laying next to hers. She said no mommy U have to take its clothes off. So I did but left the little diaper on it. Well she said no mommy the undies too. When I asked why her babies were sleeping with no clothes she like got scared and started crying and said she didn’t want to play anymore. Well a hour or so later she asked my to go make a secret hide out with blankets in her room and we needed pillows and snacks and the pillows were so no one could see inside and she handed me a blanket she called the adult blanket to put inside the secret hide out. Someone please help me. This is my only child my angel.

I am so happy you are doing everything you can to help your daughter. TOO many times parents dismiss their children when they come to them for help. You are correct, there’s no reason for her to lie. I believe an innocent child’s word over any adult. Always. Best of luck to you and your little one.

I am in no way a trained professional but I am a mother of 4 little kids myself and I can say that there is something not right there, and by the way you sound you as her mother know that something isn’t right. You did the right thing by calling the police and getting involved with the medical field. If I were in your shoes I would try to talk to your local county public health facility in hopes that they can help you go through the motions you need to in order to get some answers and well as getting counseling for yourself, no matter what happens even just the thought of someone hurting your child and you not being able to protect them causes lots of fear, anxiety, depression etc. Stick to your instincts, if you think that she is unsafe being with certain individuals then hopefully your county office can help to legally making it happen where she will never have to see them again. I think it would also be beneficial if you went to your local library, or online and get some books about private areas and what is allowed and what is not allowed, I did that with my kids when they were 3 years old and if anything it helped me so I was able to talk to them about uncomfortable subjects.
Good luck and remember there are places and people who can help you, just keep trying!

Ok so just now my daughter was playing with her doll. When I sat up, I caught her licking her dolls private area. She’s only 1 & 1/2, when I try to clean her vagina when wiping her she tries to close her legs or she gets squirmy like if it hurts. I thought nothing of that part because when she was 5 or 6 months she had a cathedar put in her and it made her bleed and I think basically traumatized her because they were having a hard time putting it in. I’m always with her though and her father works third shift and sleeps all day basically. The only time she wasn’t with me was one day with her grandpa from her dads side and one night with my mom and her boyfriend within the same week. Should I be worried? Im just curious of how she would know that you lick a private area??

Hello Jessica,
As a mom of 4 and grandma to 3, I can say that it is not normal. Trust your mothering instincts because that’s why we have them. Yes, you should be worried.

Hello! A young mother of two (boy and girl) and was molested during early elementary years so it’s obvious I’m very protective over my babies. To keep it short my daughter has been displaying sexual behavior since about 13 months by touching herself which I was told was normal. I’ve always been a little weary of my step father since my daughter was able to walk because of the way he says things. Just recently he seen her as I was bathing her and said “you look so cute.” She was in the tub and her hair was hanging wet (being washed). I was 9 months pregnant with my son so idk if I took it the wrong way or……. after I had my son she started peeing and pooing on herself, wetting the bed EVERYTHING. Obviously I thought it was bc she needed the attention bc of the new baby and blah blah blah but it went on until he turned 4 months and me and my boa and both kids moved into our own apartment. She had maybe one or two accidents then it all the behavior and regression stopped. Now me and the kids have moved back in for about a month now and she has started the behavior again by dancing with her tongue out and her butt in the air and I caught her on top of the baby basically humping him… unfortunately tonight I wiped her butt after her bowel movement and 30 seconds later I catch her in her secret hiding place in empty cabinets with her pants and drawers down where she keeps her toys I’m not sure if she was sticking anything in her genitalia….both my mom and him were in the kitchen when I found her and he said “u gotta watch who’s she’s around”. He is a know liar…she’s been potty trained since 15 months old. She’s VERY VERY aggressive towards my stepfather and he barely EVER SCOLDS HER! She hits, kicks, bites him but will also ask about him or for him occasionally. He also gets upset when she asks for grandma and not papa or when she doesn’t say hi to him. Please give me feedback, I’m going to call her Peds. to see where I can take her to get examined. I’ve had this feeling to long… she’s only 2 and this is breaking my heart. She also seems like she knows when she’s wrong bc she’ll stop by the look in my eyes and when I ask what she’s doing she’ll act like she doesn’t know. I love my baby. I can’t let this happen to her too.

Most trauma counseling services are income based and if the child was sexually abused, they will disclose the abuse to the counselor.

My mind has been in turmoil the last couple of weeks and hope someone can give me insight please to a situation. I would like to start off with the event that sent me in to panic, my 7 year old daughter was sleeping inbetween my husband and I one night and I woke up with the bed wiggling, I turned to find my husband masturbating my daughter! He seemed fast asleep, I grabbed his hand and asked him if he realized it was our daughter, he muffled- no, and went back to sleep. I naturally grabbed her and went to sleep on the couch, I tried to speak to her and find out if she was aware of what was going on, bit she was very sleepy and just went back to sleep. I confronted him that morning and he seemed shocked and traumatized! He said he would never do anything to hurt our children . He told me he couldn’t trust himself and suggested to sleep in another room until he can find a solution to what happended and why! Now many things happened in the past that has me worried, my husband watched porn while my eldest daughter was only three sitting in her pram next to him. He has been successfully healed of his porn addiction for many years now. He also masturbates in his sleep, has insomnia and restless legs. He has also reached for my eldest daughter once while she crept in one night in our bed and when I tried to stop him, he told me to relax! I naturally flipped out, he is or seems fast asleep. Thus I never mentioned anything, afraid I would wreck him. He also masturbates me in his sleep, this happens often, once to twice a week. I sleep with a pillow between us because I don’t like it, I feel molested. (Being molested as a child myself) Again he is or seems fast asleep while doing this. He has been very frustrated with me in the past if i turned him down in having sex, being late and I am tired. He works at night and I am stuck looking after kids day and night. He got violent and banged the cupboard door once and told me this is the reason men fantasize over other women and cheat. I don’t like being bullied into having sex, and it is not like he never gets it either. We have an ok sex life , he however is very sexual and his needs are high!
He is now aware of his actions, past and present and this has driven our relationship to a critical point. I can’t sleep, worrying about my kids. If he is unaware of this, has it happened before, has he done this to my daughters before or more than once and they don’t know what to say or speak out…. You can imagine that my head is running away with me!!!! It seems my daugter has no recollection of what happened that night and they have a good relationship. Is he sick, or has he got some sleeping disorder or what? I am about to ask him to leave the house, just so I can sleep and get my daughter to a play therapist and get some help myslef just to put things in perspective! I will never allow this to happen again.
I love my husband, he is a God fearing man with a gentle nature, I just don’t know what to make of this. He is willing to go for therapy and get answers and treatment, but is the damage done already??
I need insight, please help!!!

“God fearing man” …. Yup. He’s a pedo

get your kids out. He’s a selfish pedophile who wants to rape your daughters. Your strong and can escape with them. He will try to keep u with him by either being really nice and apologizing (pretending to change) or he will get mean and abusive. Either way he is a bad man and you have to protect your babies.

I know this must be hard for you, but you need to get your kids away from him. Whether or not he is aware, it can and will cause trauma for them. Considering that he was watching porn while he was awake it does not look good.

He isn’t asleep, he is abusing you and your daughter. Don’t believe him, get help now!

Lil, Instincts are always right. I would recommend therapy for both children and yourself. Before something terrible might happen. This is quite serious. His excuse for sleeping while he does this is a copout. He’s a grown man with a huge problem. Save your children from a lifetime of scars.

First of all I want to say my heart goes out to you for having to deal with the fact that the father of your child and man you love has done questionable things. In my honest opinion, I believe he is hiding behind religion and his sleeping disorder to get away with his pedophilia. In most religious associations there are people who use kindness and generosity to get l gain trust and prey I your children with their excuse being that they are God fearing.

Ok. So someone please tell,me and explain if your child is bathing their private and says oh yes that’s the way. Oooo that feels so good at the age of 4 and then proceeds to tell you her dad has touched her and shows u where and then says she was threatened and u make a call to dhr and you go to the child advocacy center but shes too scared to talk….and then the investigating officer tells the mother..are you sure your not making this up because it happened to you and they are suppose to investigate but don’t and dismiss case…what do you do and then you have ur child in counseling and a month later they talk to him and then the officer and worker come to,ur house….the officer says case closed which they did a month earlier and says to the mother you are lying and you are teaching your daughter to lie and he,is asked to leave….while case worker is talking to my daughter gets up and says she has to leave cause that’s her ride….what do you do. I have her in counseling but she is scared to talk to anyone but me and then she acts out cuz she doesn’t want to talk or think about it. Someone please help me to help her. This was not properly handled and I don’t know how to help her.

Hire an experienced attorney now! File suit against the police dept for violating your daughter’s civil rights. Don’t keep talking to your daughter about what happened but leave that to the therapist who who may (depending on your state laws) record your daughter’s answers. Good luck.

Get her talking about it on video.

You should try recording her on your phone.

Opinion. My son is almost 6 and for the last year/year and a half he has been struggling with hyperactivity, impulse control, listening, sleeping alone, ect. Over the last year he has also had issues with “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours” school. It happened a handful of times. On and off. Sometimes there were months in between. He almost got kicked out of pre k over it. Now hes in kindergarten n it was another few good months then he looked at another boy, pointed, & laughed. He says the boy did it first (I dont buy it due to his past history). Then at Thanksgiving he asked my niece who is almost 5. She told her mom 2 days later n I got the phone call. So I sat him down and started asking more. He knows its not okay, but continues.

In my questioning I asked about family on his dads side and found out that it also happened with his cousin who is almost 7..but he was bribed with candy by this cousin’s older sister who was about 12. She instructed each other to “show & touch” and it happened more than once he said. She supposedly got caught asking n grounded, but i was never informed. What course of action would you take on this?

He has a therapist, works with the school social worker and psychologist and im currently trying to get an iep for hyperactivity. Around the time he got hyperactive i thought it was need for attention b/c dad was doing heroin n visitation stopped n stuff was all over the place for a bit..but it hasn’t gotten better and i need to do whatever is necessary including reporting it in the proper way if it would help or is it necessary?

I’m experiencing something similar have caught my 6 yo son trying to touch my 3 yo daughter several times we have done canceling scaLded him. He knows he is wrong how do i make this stop I worry for the safety of my young daughter.

My 2 year old daughter has started to rub on her area on top of her pull up before she goes to sleep or she will put the covers in between her legs and move her legs back and forth. I am worried my mom’s husband has molested her. My mom and him sleep in separate rooms and my daughter will go play with him. She really does love him but… They appear to have a good time but sometimes the door is closed…..what should I do?

What! Open the door! You should NEVER let a man be alone with your daughter no matter who he is!

My 19 year old daughter is extreamly angry with her father we divorcedwhen she was 5. I caught my husband trying to get in her diaper and when she was 5 she came back from her dad and was screaming in pain from washing her vagina. I looked at it and it was red. Both times I sought medical and professional assistance. The first time there was inconclusive evidence and CPS told us not to break our family. She was two. When she was 5 there was a huge medical team brought in. They did all these things to comfort her. They gave her a stuffed animal. There was evidence but not conclusive. Shes 19 now .She cuts. Not alot. She’s abusive to her boyfriend. She’s been opening up to me lately and she finds inappropriate material on her phone and sees inappropriate things going on in his apartment. Recently there was an argument. She told him he has no respect for women (true that’s why we are divorced and he abused me) But this time he chocked her because she spit on his car window. I asked her why she was so angry. ONE of the reason was he forced her to “cover” for him with his new wife and his girlfriend, starting when she was 9 until now. He’s not married anymore but he is seeing several women. It made me think of some of his strange sexual practices. Then I remembered the thins that happened to her when she was 2 and 5. Did she suppress this and is this help fueling her enormous amount of anger and all of her emotional regulation issues and pot use? I know this man. It’s possible. All my research supports my theory. How do I move forward with out blowing up my family. Their father will deny EVERYTHING. If my daughter remembers or doesn’t it will destroy her. I’m dealing with this on my own and I’m having a difficult time. Please help us. Please help me help my daughter, my family. I feel this in my gut. I don’t know what to do. A professional response is wanted but any type of support is desperately needed.

Sounds to me she definitely got abused. Especially when you said her private part was red and she was screaming in pain. Such obvious sexual assault. No matter how young you think a child may be, they remember the types of things because it changes their lives. Her anger/cutting and everything you describe is her coping mechanism. She needs to see a therapist asap

Ok so I’ve been with my boy friend for 4 years I have to girls ages 5 and 7 the other night after dinner the girls where watching a movie on are bed while I cleaned up after dinner the girls fall asleep and so does my boy friend after I get done I move the girls to ther bed and get up the next bay normal and after dropping my 7 year old of my 5 year old says daddy touched me pee pee I said what she said daddy went down my pants and touched her pee and wiggled his fingers I told her ok and I love her for being big girl and telling me I ask my boy friend he says no I did not do it I would never hurt my baby then he says yes it happens it was an accident that he thought it was me that he was scared to tell me no way cAuse he never does that to me I made him leave

Report to police asap. He will continue to this I guarantee it. And you’re enabling him by not pressing charges. Protect your daughter because of you don’t, they will grow up to resent you.

You have a duty to tell the authorities since the girl is a minor. You are legally required to report it since you know the truth

my niece is 5years old and lives with a close family friend and her auntie and her my sister (her mum) is worried because the family friend aid that my niece is starting to bleed from her vagina more than once, but when they mum asks to see her. the family’s friend keeps coming up with reasons she can not see hear and normally she is really chatty but out friend said she is not talking to no one and I am confused because they wont let us see her but they keep telling us that she is bleeding, but she lives with a sister who is 8 and a brother who is 15 but he has autism and I don’t wanna blame him but I think maybe he had a funny turn. can someone help me what to do I don’t know what to do.

You must call the police and report this. I do believe you already know this. Please do the right thing.

Ok my fiancés daughter told her aunt that she’s seen daddy’s penis her aunt asked her how she saw it and she said he pees with me in the bathroom which struck me as really odd. She was 6 then she confronted him about and he laughed and said she was over reacting. It’s been a few months she just turned 7 and we just found out that her her brother who is 5 and there soon to be step sister 8 are taking baths together. and daddy stays in there with them and washes there hair. I feel this is completely inappropriate and disgusting I asked my parents and they agree please help us!

I have no problem with anything in your statement. However, time will help you out soon enough because the 8 year old step-sister will not want to bath with anyone else much longer. As far as the peeing, the father could probably be asked to be more discreet in his bathroom choices, but urinating in the toilet in front of your kids is not a crime or abusive. Just as mommies show their daughters typically female facts of life (yes, i’m generalizing), daddies often demonstrate to their sons how to pee standing up. Since your fiance is “mommy and daddy” in his home, it stands to reason that there have been fewer gender specific roles. Open communication would no doubt be beneficial to all parties. Blessings.

My daughter will turn three years old next week. She has recently started saying that her daycare provider ( a strict 70 year old that seems to have her ducks in a row ) has been “putting her fingers in her pee pee”. Our little one has been known to fib and the daycare lady was the one that actually brought the statement up and denied it vehemently. Should we be worried? Hard to tell exactly what is prompting these statements.

Concerned Daddy

What concerns me is how a three year old could just make that up. That’s not “daddy said yes” if mommy said no type of lie. That’s a descriptive statement and no way she would have the words to say that unless it’s happened to her I’d think

My grandson told me his auntie likes nasty penises, and that she licks his, he is four, he also was potty trained now he’s pooping his pants and when I take him home he does not want to be left with his aunt, and he never wants to go home, she is fufteen

Nope nope nope. She knows better. That is very serious!! Keep your kid away

Hi, my brothers daughter recently started to poo on herself, she wouldn’t even notice, she is 7years old. When my brother is out of town, his wife’s young brothers stays at my brothers house if his out of town, at work. The other young brother sleeps with my brother’s daughter in bed and he even pee on bed. Should I be worried? please help


Whether or not anything is going on, it’s not wise for a boy going through puberty to sleep with a girl.

While there’s nothing you can do to make this change, consider discussing this with your brother. He can.


My 3y so. Told me his dad’s gf rubbed her peeper on my 1y daughters while they were naked. He said she had blue pubic hair. He says he told his dad who denies it and my son told him no I told you while you were on the couch. My daughter says dad and gf ouchie and points to her pee while grimacing. She has totally stopped potty training and wants to nurse as soon as she returns from her dads but has been weaned for 2m. She is almost 2. What do I do I believe him since he stood up to his dad. Now dad calls and tries to make him change his story… gaslighting him.


These situations are so tough and you may never know for sure. But a wise next step is to find a therapist that uses play and art to get children to open up. The good ones help children feel at ease and they share things honestly that they are not comfortable sharing with parents.

To find a therapist, contact the nearest children’s hospital and ask them for a referral.


My 14 year old had recorded his 12 year old sister because some kid at school says its cool what should I do

Hey him in therapy and ur daughter as well. Get yourself one too, maybe.

Can someone please help me?! My ex and his wife are trying to win a custody battle! They claim that my 3 year old told them that my fiancé was hurting her privates. DCS and cops did an investigation and a forensic interview and my daughter never disclosed of sexual abuse. My fiancé agreed to a lie detector test and failed it! He went back and passed 2 more. we broke up due to this but I’m still struggling to know the truth! They have done multiple examines on my daughter and they have all came back normal. she even told me herself that nothing happened and that he never hurt her. She asks about him all the time and says she misses him and wants to see him. If he did this wouldn’t she be scared of him? My ex and his wife have temp custody of my daughter and I only get supervised visits because they said she told them that I beat her for telling and that I knew what was going on! That’s a LIE! Idk what to believe because they come up with different lies every other week! Please give me advice!

Dump the fiance or give up custody. Don’t put her in harm’s way.

I am not sure what to do, my boyfriend has a little girl she is going to turn three in two months and though her daycare is encouraging using pull ups and potting training, as am I, he keeps insisting on changing her on a baby changing table and sometimes is in the room changing her for over ten minutes with the door shut. One time it was really silent and then out of no where I heard her scream out, and worried I kind of made up an reason to enter the room and she was till on the changing table being changed and she was pretty upset at that point screaming trying to get down….I thought that was so weird and I keep having a really bad feeling about the situation. I got fed up and moved the changing table out of her room cause she was also climbing up on it often saying daddy I am ready for you to change my diaper even when it wasn’t wet or anything, and I was worried she would fall off and again the behavior seemed really weird. I have tried nicely telling her to not let her daddy keep changing her up there she is too big for it, taking on a more casual approach only because if he isn’t harming her, I don’t want to freak her out or totally offend him. He is much older than me by twelve years and I know he often says when we are intimate that I look underaged and this just adds to my worry for her safety. I try to come up with reasons to go in when he has shut the door to change her, and it is also weird that when I would walk away he would shut the door again…why would you do that? I also notice since I moved the table out of her room he keeps using it in the living room and I caught him last night using it and he had her legs up over her head to change her and clean her and again I made a point to come in the room hoping he would get done quicker, he also said once when changing her and I had come in the room that he was sorry but he had to get up in there ( meaning inside part of her vagina ) to make sure there was no stuff left from going poop, again I am pretty used to working with young kids and that is something I was always told you didn’t do….you just wipe the outside from front to back with girls…again I am so concerned and my gentle approach and advise that we need to be in line with encouraging potty training like her daycare has not been working. He has her and her four year old brother half the time and the other half is with their mom….I am scared for the girl and my only other option is to go to their mom and mention this, but if she totally doesn’t receive it well or tells him I have crushed the relationship and also given the little girl no chance at getting help…I would want someone to tell me if it was my kid, but again it would I think be the end of this relationship and I could be wrong on what I am thinking is happening, I think nothing crazy serious has happened yet, but I am questioning more and more if he won’t eventually totally do the wrong thing besides just touching her maybe to much during diaper changes. Once he went in her room when she was asleep and he said he went in to check on her, he didn’t know I was awake that night when he got up, and he went in her room when she was sound asleep no sounds coming from her room at all, he was in there probably two minutes, but way long enough to know she was fine, and I heard again out of no where her scream like mad…when I came in he was totally naked which he does a lot, but what got me worried was he was leaning over her in such a way that his penis was literally almost in her face and she was screaming he said he was just checking on her, but I knew she had been fine before he came in, it took thirty minutes of her screaming like mad before she would then calm down. I told him he needs to stop being naked around her that she doesn’t need to think it is okay if a man walks in on her naked in case it happens from someone else…but really I meant to protect her from him too. That was the other event that has been haunting me…he is a great guy, but I don’t know something doesn’t feel right, but it isn’t my kid so what do I do?? Sorry it is a long comment I don’t know what to do!

Leave him and report the abuse to someone

hi.. really proud of you.. That even if it not your child.. you are not bothered of if your relationship would end.. and you truly care about that baby..

I would suggest you to catch him red handed. you have to prove with evidence. Next time fix a hidden camera. Later when ur BF leaves the room making the baby cry.. Check the recording if something suspicious happened.

If so.. Please show the video to the child mom.. And hand over the child to mom custody ..

Trust in your yourself if it dont feel right and that warning alarm is going off chances yr right screw your realionship help her talk to her mom about it. I dont think any man or father wants to change a diaper close the door hmm walking naked hell no!

Don’t ever leave that baby alone with him for long periods of time. Get some recording devices. Get proof before approaching mother and authorities. Proof is crucial for you to have. He’s definitely molesting her. Please do not wait too long. Your gut feeling is right save this baby before it’s too late. He is a sick disgusting man! When you heard that baby scream out its because he was hurting her. Please do the right thing. Obviously you love this child. Protect her as your own.

YOU KNOW THE TRUTH BY THE WAY IT FEELS!!! I wouldn’t even let him know that your suspecting him. If he is acting shady with her that often then it shouldn’t be too hard to catch him in the act, and that is exactly what you should do. Reading your reasons of why you suspect him seems pretty rational to me and that you are not crazy! I’m not sure if this is a new relationship and you’ve already noticed these things or if it’s been ongoing for while. Regardless you know something is off and if it is the worst you are allowing that little girl to continue getting abused, meanwhile why you are putting yourself at risk with a creep! Do something about it and catch him in the act because accusing ain’t going to do anything cause he surely ain’t going to admit to it! Telling the mother without proof will only cause an uproar without evidence. I believe you can catch him in the act, trust what your feeling cause none of that is normal at all and I can’t figure out how you haven’t came to terms with that yet! Good luck and bless that child.

You need to forget the relationship and tell the authorities everything you know without mentioning it it him and maybe install a nanny cam in her room in a teddy bear or something. It is our job as adults to protect any child we think is at risk and going by everything you have said, this man shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near children. Call authorities asap. Talk to them before the mother.


It sounds like you are in a tough position and this relationship is at risk. It sounds like you don’t want to talk to him for fear of his reaction, but relationships are built on open communication. It possible to say that you are concerned and you want to discuss a few things. It’s okay to tell him you are uncomfortable with his actions, even if they are harmless and ask him to make specific changes. How he responds will tell you a lot.

Going directly to his ex, without talking to him is the nuclear option. It may be easier to talk to her than to him, but it is much more drastic.

I hope that’s helpful,

We caught my eight year old step daughter masturbating and just recently started wetting the bed she’s also very affectionate with adult men and she said she’s unhappy at her mother’s house could she be being abused by her step father

Yes or another male.

My sister was sexually abused by my uncle. She was 10-11 years old. He did oral and used finger. Is that considered sexual or harassment? Also one of my aunts said it was my parents fault for letting him babysit. Really!! How stupid is that!
She’s 40 years old now but it still bothers her a lot.


That has moved from sexual harassment to sexual child abuse and is very serious.

I’m so sorry for for your family.


I’m in a bit of a rut.. my mothers boyfriend (whom she is still with even after what he did to me) grabbed and slapped my bottom many times and even told people he wanted to record me in the shower so he could see fresh meat. This happened for roughly 2 years before I moved out. As the years went by, the slaps turned into grabs (on my bottom) and he even “accidentally” grabbed my boob a few times. Sadly, I believed him.. I’ve been out of home for 2 years now, sadly it only uccured to me that it isn’t okay to do that. Can I still go to the police about this? I fear he’s going to sexually assault my other brothers or my sister. Please help!

Yes. You can.

It’s never too late too report any type of abuse! Call a local sexual abuse hotline and they can guide you with the steps to take in the reporting it so it’s less scary.

I was wondering about a 4 year old drawing a picture of a naked girl with a slit for a vaginal but she has a penis and scrotum drawn at her mouth. This child also likes to lick people mainly on their face. How would a 4 year old know this unless they were being abused??

Please call the police. You have to stop the pervert.