Recognizing Sexual Abuse

Question

How can I recognize sexual abuse if it happened to my three-and-a-half-year-old daughter? About a month ago she told me a friend of ours touched her vagina. Since that time she has said nothing else and on gentle questioning she said it did not happen. There are no behavioral changes and her behavior towards the man in question has not changed at all. They’ve always had great times together. I have no idea why she said this and my feeling is that it is completely innocent. She is also at the stage where she is very interested in what a penis is and what a vagina is – she occasionally can be found on the floor probing her vagina. But, is there anything I should be concerned about and how do I recognize real abuse of a child?
Palo Alto, California

Dr. Greene's Answer

Some of the most poignant episodes of my pediatric training were long visits with children victimized by sexual abuse. I vividly remember sitting with tears streaming down my face after hearing how children had been scarred by those they trusted.

How sad that we need to be discussing this subject for a three-and-a-half-year-old! Unfortunately, there is no age at which a child is exempt from sexual abuse. About one third of cases occur in kids younger than six years of age, about one third in children ages six to twelve, and one third in children ages twelve to eighteen.

Sexual abuse includes any activity with a child for the sexual gratification of an adult or significantly older child (more than about 4 years older). Children’s intense need for affection and nurturance from older figures makes them vulnerable. Adults and older children hold a position of tremendous power in their lives. It is the abuse of this power, and the abuse of children’s trust, that is so damaging.

Sexual abuse falls into three different categories:

  1. molestation, which is defined as the touching or fondling of the genitals of a child, or asking a child to touch or fondle an adult’s genitals, or using a child to enhance pleasure from sexual acts or pornography;
  2. sexual intercourse, which includes vaginal, oral, or rectal penetration;
  3. rape.

Most abuse begins with innocent physical contact. A needy adult then makes this a routine. Once a routine is developed, it is not uncommon to progress to intercourse.

The most common perpetrator of sexual abuse is either a family member or a close friend of the family. Sexual abuse by a stranger is quite uncommon.

Sexual abuse commonly comes to light through the child’s disclosing the incident of sexual contact to a trusted adult. Historically, a child’s word was not taken seriously. Over the last twenty years the pendulum swung to the opposite extreme; if a child described sexual contact it was considered a fact, and the volunteering of such information was considered very strong legal evidence. Recently, the pendulum has returned to a more balanced position: take it very seriously whenever a child mentions sexual contact, but understand that not everything said necessarily mirrors physical reality.

The best way to clarify a situation such as you have described is to have your child examined by a sexual abuse specialist in. Most children’s hospitals have a sexual abuse team, or will be able to refer you to a specialist in your area. (The two hospitals that offer this service in your area are Santa Clara Valley Medical Center in San Jose and the Keller Center at San Mateo Medical Center.)

A sexual abuse examination is comprised of two basic elements. First, and perhaps most important, your daughter would be interviewed by an expert who very gently elicits information from her about what might have happened. Efforts are made to minimize the number of times a child has to tell the story and the number of people visibly present during the interview. The interviewer will let your daughter set the pace and will use pictures or dolls to draw her out, without suggesting to her what might have occurred.

This is generally followed by a physical examination of the external genitals, checking for any sign of trauma, laxity, or discharge. Sometimes this will be done with magnification, using an instrument called a colposcope. Note that a physical examination cannot in and of itself confirm or rule out sexual abuse. In at least half of the cases of child abuse that are confessed by the abuser, there are no findings on physical exam.

Children who have actually been abused will often recant their initial statement because they are afraid of their abuser or because their abuser convinces them that this is “their little secret.” And, children who have never been sexually abused will, based on normal child development, go through phases of curiosity and misunderstandings about their genitals and about sexual activity.

Several clues are associated with sexual abuse as opposed to normal development (but many children give no clues except what they say):

  • Genital infections, redness, or discharge
  • Burning with urination
  • Urinary tract infection
  • The new onset of either bed-wetting or stool problems
  • Sudden increased sexuality with peers, animals, or objects
  • Seductive behavior
  • Age-inappropriate sexual knowledge
  • Regression
  • Other dramatic behavior changes

Hopefully, nothing significant happened to your little girl, but if my daughter came to me with the same story I would not let the situation go uninvestigated. The scenario you have described is the most frequent way actual abuse is detected.

Whatever turns out to be true, we must prepare our children to protect themselves against sexual abuse. Begin by teaching them the proper names and significance of their private parts as soon as they are able to understand (about age 3). Then they will be ready to understand the three key messages:

  1. Say no if somebody tries to touch your nipples, rectum, or genitals.
  2. Tell a trusted adult if someone tries to touch you.
  3. Don’t keep secrets — If somebody tells you to keep a secret, let your parents know right away.

 

Medical Review on: March 24, 2008
About the Author
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Dr. Greene is a practicing physician, author, national and international TEDx speaker, and global health advocate. He is a graduate of Princeton University and University of California San Francisco.
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My son is 6 years old and recently told me that a friend of his who is 9 years old has been touching his privates. He pulled his pants down and touched him and kissed him there. This has happened on several playdates already. My 6 year old told him to stop, but he continued to do it. My other son who is 8 was also there – This boy asked him if he wanted to take down his pants and he said no. I spoke with the mother and she told me this boy was abused when he was younger. She brought him to the hospital the next day and the doctor told her that was just “typical boy behavior”. I was very angry because I don’t see this behavior as normal – I see it as molestation. Am I overreacting? This behavior is very disturbing to me and I don’t know what to do – Should I report it? He also plays with other children in the neighborhood and I am worried about them as well. I would appreciate any advice you can give on this situation.

I’ve been visiting your website a few times and decided to give you some positive feedback because I find it very useful. Well done.

So recently i had a memory come into mind that is very troubling… i remembered that when i was six my dad rubbed my private area with his fingers while i was sitting on the bathroom sink with my legs up totally exposed. I was thinking maybe i needed ointment there, but is it appropriate for my dad to be doing that when i could have most likely done it on my own. Not sure where my mom was at the time but for sure not around. I am also not sure if this was my only experience I blocked out most of my childhood and am very uncomfortable around him as a teen and around any older man. My grandfather also slapped my butt one time(12) and when i was younger(8-9) would say im coming in when i was showering as a joke and laugh all time time before and during a shower. I feel like i could have suppressed some bad memories which could explain my discomfort. i also feel very uncomfortable when my legs are open and feel aroused if my legs are open for too long in some situations. please help!

I need advice!
Last week my 5 year old daughter invited a friend from school to our house for a playdate. They were playing in the livingroom while I was preparing some snacks in the kitchen. Suddenly, when I went to the livingroom to check out on the girls, I found out that my daughter was very scared and told me that her friend asked her to pull down her pants and then licked her privates and forced her to repeat the same on her. After this I was very scared and ask my daughter`s friend if what she was saying was true, but she denied it.
After this incident my daughter has been normal, she thought it just was a strange game.
But im worried for the other girl, maybe she was been abused or has seen things she is not supposed to.
Yesterday I spoke to the mother and she denied that anything happened.
What should I do?

You need to call and report this. This is NOT something a child woulld do if they had not seen or had done to themselves. PLEASE call and report. This child has no voice for herself. You may be the only one who knows anything may be wrong. If you disclose to her school they are mandated to call, but you can do a no name referrel to dcfs or cps.

In need of advice!! I have 4 kids, 8 year old boy, 7 year old girl, 1 year old boy and a 3 month old girl. My fiance and I recently moved into his parents while our house is getting remodeled. My fiance dad has picked a favorite. He stands up for my 7 year old daughter, goes out of his way to talk to her and so on. Now mind you, he has voiced more than once that he just can “handle” my oldest, and that he needs his butt whooped more, that he is disrespectful.. By now I have noticed and started voicing my concern to my fiance that I am starting to get uncomfortable with him around my daughter, something feels off, and I am not okay with the others being pushed to the side. Okay, then one day he just up and decides, while inside dealing with the two youngest, to take my 7 year old through the pasture on his tractor. He told my 8 year old that he will go with him next. So my 8 year comes in and tells me, and i go outside not liking the fact that permission was not asked and watch them, getting close so he knows that i am right there. And he after a little while brings her back and tells her that she cant go with him anymore because her “boney” butt, hurt his butt. That was the last straw with me, I had developed a very strong gut feeling that things were not right.Other moments; My fiance has went to work a few times, and I have caught his father coming down and staring at us. When confronted he said he was just “checking” on us. So we decided to keep the kids close, and set up cameras. On the camera in front of my 7 year old daughters bed, he was caught twice being downstairs in front of her bed; The first time it only shows him looking around her bed. The second time it showed him picking up a pair of her panties, making sure no one was around, smelling them a couple times and then putting them in the exact same place that they were to begin with. Now he was confronted on this matter also. His response to me asking why he smelt her panties, and what made him think that was okay. Was; “She was gassy, they smelt weird.” I then I stated that he wouldn’t have smelt anything if he hadn’t picked them up, and why?! His answer was, “I know I’m weird, I don’t know why i am the way i am.” That night I decided to go to the police, I was told that I couldn’t get a protection order because no criminal act had happened. They did however set a trial date, but said it may not go any further then that because while disturbing, and absolutely nasty its not illegal.
Mind you, my fiances mother and father are now split up, her words as to why, were because she doesn’t understand the way he is or why he does these things. She packed her things and left that night.
Now here is why I need advice; There has got to be something that can be done. My daughter is 7. She sees nothing wrong with this behavior. What if when they babysat my kids, something happened, beings that shes see nothing wrong here? What do I do? What can I do?
I have been doing so much research, trying to wrap my brain around it all. I mean someone my children grandpa… Someone they all see as safe… Someone she has trusted… Please help?!

Hi Shayla, I am currently studying for my PhD in child sexual abuse prevention. I myself was a victim of abuse and I have worked with many people who have also been sexually abused. I think your instinct is right here. As Dr Greene mentions above, the abuser is usually a family member or friend (over 90% of cases!), basically someone who can get the child to trust them. At first the child will most likely not recognise the abuse. And when they do know something is wrong they may be threatened by the abuser, things like ‘I’ll hurt your mum’, ‘I’ll hurt you’, your teddy, your siblings…etc. Abusers are sneaky and charming. They try and make excuses when they are caught and put the blame on others.

You are right not to trust him. The pantie sniffing would be the final line for me. I’m disgusted the police did not offer you further advice and I am so sorry you have had to deal with this on your own.

I’m not a doctor, so apologies if I have no place offering advice. My suggestion would be to get hold of some child sexual abuse prevention books. They are brilliant books which teach children about CSA prevention in age appropriate ways. Like Dr Greene mentions, teaching body part names is essential. These books also teach not to keep secrets which might cause them harm/make them feel uncomfortable, who to talk to, what is appropriate touch and what is inappropriate, etc. I personally feel every school should be teaching these skills and lessons, countless studies show how essential this information is for preventing abuse/preventing it from continuing.

I would also say don’t let him babysit. He is showing very clear signs of inappropriate behaviour and seems to have no regard for your feelings on this matter. They are your children and you have the right to decide who can look after them.

Lastly, I just want to wish you all the luck. It is an incredibly difficult situation he has put you in and I really hope you, and your children, are kept safe and your wishes respected. The fact that you are looking for help tells me that you all will be fine.

I found my 3 year old boy playing with his private part in the shower so I yelled at him and told him not too.. he said rick touched my peepee (rick is my boyfriend) I wanted to pass out, I asked him again and he said yes then I asked him where? he said school but that’s a lie bc rick wouldn’t be at his school then he said house, couldn’t wrap my head around it so I asked him a couple more times and he switched up saying no he didn’t. An hour later I asked him again, real gently rubbing his face so he doesn’t get the impression I’m upset and I ask him who touched your peepee, and he said nobody. I told my bf and he blew up on me saying he’s hurt that how can I accuse him of such thing. My bf has treated my son like his own from the beginning. I honestly feel so lost and upset. Idk if I’m over thinking or my kid is lying but it’s driving me crazy. Idk what to believe. Help on how do go about this :/

Jessica,

What a tough situation.

I’m guessing your son was surprised by your response. His initial accusation may or may not have been accurate. It may have been a “I’m in trouble, how do I get myself out of this?” response. When we ask the same question repeatedly, kids may change their stories because they think we’re looking for a specific answer. They want to please us. All this leaves you not knowing what to believe.

I’m not a doctor, but if I were in this situation I would find a local child psychologist that specializes in play therapy with preschoolers. These trained professionals engage kids in age-appropriate play with dolls or coloring and over time the unedited answer can come out. You can locate a therapist by calling your local children’s hospital and ask them for a recommendation for a therapist. I would, however, be very careful about revealing why you want this session. If authorities suspect your son is being abused by someone in the home, they may be required to get involved.

I hope that helps.
Best, @MsGreene
Note: I am the co-founder of DrGreene.com, but I am not Dr. Greene and I am not a doctor. Please keep that in mind when reading my comments and replies.

I am 24 years old, my father trying to close to me in a wrong way when i am 16 years old my father hug me so tightly, touch his penis with me, whenever i slept i felt that my blanket was removing and someone trying to touch my vagina or saw my vagina when i woke i saw that my father roaming me in very wrong way, when i press my dad legs or arms he said to me that “sat on my under legs ” and i told him that why i sat on your under legs he smiled and said nothing, I felt always uncomfortable with my dad whenever no one is in room he huge me and imply me when he was lonely in his room. I told all this situation to my mother she was discussed all things to dad but he refused and my mom said to me that i excuse to my dad. I thought that may be i am wrong but after months ago he was doing same things i told my dad don’t imply me when you are lonely and why you doing all these things no one real father doing these things with her daughter. He said to me if i fulfill his all needs then he will be fulfilled my all my desired which i want. I refused and said that if he does not changed her behavior i told to my mother. My mother can understand me and believe on me that i never told a lie.
One more things whenever i undress my clothes for washing he checked out or smelled my clothes specially my trouser i don’t why.
AND whenever my proposal came he behaved roughly and said to my mom this boy is not good or disputed at home whenever my talked about my proposal or marriage topic.
I don’t know what i do my mom also very worried she had not any other support i also have 2 sisters and one brother .
Kindly help me…..

this definitely sounds like abuse. Even if your mom disagrees she is wrong and in a state of denial. if you are in school you could tell this to a trusted adult. they should be able to help you navigate this. you could also call domestic abuse shelters. you can google them in your area to find one close to you. wish you the best, this is not your fault.

My 9yr old daughter just informed me that when her mother is away or sleeping her stepdad forced her to watch porn videos on his phone and when she knocked the phone away and said no he slapped her in the face and made her watch it,she was so scared she said she urinated in her pants,she has also told us that he makes comment asking her to suck his toes or nipple but I don’t know the context of the conversation, and calls her bad names and both mother and Stepfather smokes marijuana in the house and has even asked her to before and her mother and him claim its lies but there is to many details to not believe her and she goes back to them in 5 days as she is custodial parent and I only had her for a small portion of summer break.im scared to send her back, should I take her to the sheriffs office and report this? I don’t know what to do but I’m scared of whats next if I say nothing. PLEASE HELP.

Whether she is telling the truth or not, it’s a cry for help. Take her to the police. They can tell you who else should get involved.

My 7 year old granddaughter told me recently that mommy’s boyfriend comes into her room while mommy’s sleeping (she didn’t disclose that anything happened) however she has been quite withdrawn lately and complains of tummy aches all the time. Just a week ago she was rubbing herself, when asked what’s wrong she said it hurts and she doesn’t know how it happened. Should I be worried?

I would say that’s a sign of abuse. Get her to the doctor and therapist. I’m a survivor of child rape and molestation. I don’t remember it when it happened the first time, because I was only 8 months old. I don’t remember a lot of my early childhood until the age of five. I remember from then on but nothing before that.

My mom actually told me what that evil monster did to me a few years ago. I’m still trying to deal with it, I mean I knew something happened to me because he bit me on my face because I wouldn’t stop crying while he was having his way with me after he tried killing me to get rid of the evidence. Thank God my mom came home when she did because I wouldn’t be writing this right now, but she said that he tried drowning me in the waterbed and she couldn’t find me at first and then she did, but I was almost dead, black and blue, and had red dots all over me, and blood everywhere. So what I’m saying is trust your instincts, they’re usually never wrong. God gave um to us for a reason, listen to it.

So I got rid of my partner my daughter told me he was acting inappropriately towards her, my gut was screaming that he was paying too much attention in adult ways, And she was vacillating from hating him and liking him all along I suppose that was manipulation on his part, looking back he was obsessed with her comparing the size of her feet to mine, clothing size, once in while he would call her a little tramp, then he would turn around and act controlling and authorative to her when she was acting out by running away in the middle of the night and letting boys over, I was so confused by his actions, when she would sit in the car in the front seat he would play certain songs on the radio as if they were to her, and one time squeezed her thigh really hard calling it the claw, Knock on door when she is bathroom, when we were out to dinner one night eating japense food the three of us, he looks at me and says the oldest one should open the fortune cookie, he had called me grandma on two occasions as I am six years his senior, so I kicked him to the curb, finally what did it was my daughter saying Mom your boyfriend wants to date me, he has been putting his hands my back every where we go, you don’t see it? So that was it the last night we spent together I slept on the couch got up that morning and drove to a pkg lot, my daughter had ran to a friends house in the middle of the night, I was scared and confused, my partner found me and starting screaming at me, I was afraid of him as we had physical fights before, I called the police on him from my house got a no tresspass warrant on him, which he later that night broke, beat the crap out of me, I called cops again he was arrested, no contact order in place one year, I will never get to tell him what he already knows about himself, but my daughter is safe as I am too but we both have ptsd, I only hope nothing more to come.

Suspect abusive situation grooming behavior, my new partner wants all of my teen daughters attention when it’s just the three of us wants her to sit up front in the car, touches her lower back as she walks with us, takes extreme interest in her emotions and feelings and ignores mine most of the time, he has invited her to places that interest her without me asked to come along. He knocks on the bathroom door when she is in there sometimes it’s weird feelings I get she kind of mentioned something about him being creepy

This doesn’t sound good at all. Trust your instincts. It’s not worth risking your daughter’s welfare for him — besides, he’s not treating you well. Time to send him packing — IMHO.

mt 33yr old daughter recently informed me t hat her decised father abused her wen she was 9. he passed away 2011. she gave me a note when she was 9 saying her dad raped her. I questioned her about it at the time and she denied it happened said she was just wrighting notes and nothing happened to her. now 24 vears later when hes not with us any more she is saying again it did happen I done nothing about it please help me I’m at my wittes end as she wont speak to me about it, she sais I swept it under the carpet wen she was a chil. I don’t know what to do.

I know it’s hard to hear, but you did sweep it under the rug! I was also 9 when I told my mother in notes and she confronted him in front of me and I said he didn’t do it! Your daughter was afraid, I was afraid. You and my Mother were the adults that we counted on to protect us. With that being said I have forgiven my mother as I am sure she will forgive you in her on time. But until you take full responsibility for failing her and tell her how sorry you are, it’s not going to happen. Then the next thing you have to do is forgive yourself because as humans sometimes we fall short of what we are needed to be! I wish you the best and I hope you and your daughter work things out.

I don’t have a comment or anything I need some advice
I have been staying with my sister for two months now, I have heard and seen some wierd things. My four year old niece I’m worried about her, but I don’t know whether I’m over reacting and if I’m not I don’t now what to do to help.
My sister said to my niece if you don’t go to number 2 then your dad will have to still his fingers in and pull it out, to me this is wrong.
Also at night once he was reading a bedtime story to my niece which I saw from the room almost opposite and he was sitting in a dressing gown and rubbing his penis every time he was reading he only stopped when he had to turn the page. Now I know this is wrong.
Also he still has showers with his daughter.
Should I try and talk to my niece to find out if anything worse has happened. Or what
What do I do. I want to make sure my niece is safe from harm, I can’t remove her as I am currently living with my sister.
I’m leaving soon but I don’t want to leave if this is going on and something worse happens.

I hope you see this message. DO NOT attempt to question your niece on your own. Many predators have walked due to inappropriate questioning techniques of a child. You need someone who is specially trained in forensic interviewing to talk to her-this is very important! You need to call your local Child Protective Services and file a report of abuse. These reports are anonymous. At some point, it may come out that it was you, just by process of elimination, so do be prepared for that and take the necessary steps to distance yourself from them and the home in the interim. But please, please make that call for the sake of your niece. The husband at the very least is abusing the daughter, or if it hasn’t happened yet, it soon will.

Hi, this is my second marriage and we were very much in love and did a lot of great family things together. 10 yrs. He treated my 2 kids like they were his own. My husband has always been very accommodating to my son and bent over backwards extremely nice to his friends then my daughter had a baby girl. She’s 4 now . In April my husband was accused by his ex-wife’s 2 nieces of molesting them back in 2004. My husband and granddaughter were extremely close, and she would prefer to be with him instead of me sometimes. In July she said pop-pop put his finger in my kooka, and it hurt, she’s never shown fear or acting out in anyway.My daughter and I took her to the er no physical evidence and went thru all the child abuse stuff to follow. I’m separated from my husband but he’s still claiming his innocence and why would he hurt her, he loves her and just wants to be a family again. He is being brought on charges for the 2 nieces, in my heart I don’t want to believe he would do that but why would my granddaughter say that?? He paid $4000 for a polygraph also and came back inconclusive. HELP!!! I’m so torn I know in my head I can’t be with him but my heart is confused. Any suggestions.

Well obviously he’s claiming his innocence. Who would come out and say they’re a pedophile?? Sounds to me he definitely molested the nieces and your granddaughter and is an amazing liar. Perhaps taking the grand daughter to a child therapist would help?

When I was younger I was always seeking attention from the boys. Even into my teens years I would have crushes on my brothers friends easily. I acted out a bit by stealing things like candy bars and bracelets. At some point before or just after I got married I remembered that I would always seek my boy cousin’s attention. At one point he had me perform oral on him. I’m guessing I was around eleven or so I think he was in college. Soon after that I had a flash of remembering that I was at a neighbors house… a flash vision of his erected genitals. Just then my brother came to get me for dinner and said he saw me pulling up my pants. I don’t know if anything happened. Now years later I find myself wanting to face what happened to me all those years ago but, then again I don’t.

So incredibly sad that occurred to you. Shame on your brother. The worst of all is that he gets to live his nice life and you get a trauma filled one. There are too many little girls out there getting abused by the men in their lives. Sickening

Dr. Greene, I had my nine year old in the bath tub and he brought Barney with him. He has DS. I went down the hall to fetch a towel and when I came through the doorway I stopped for my son had Barneys mouth on his penis, the he turned him over on his stomach an took his thumbs down by his butt and mounted him. He then hit Barney hard a couple of times and threw him. I have been balling all night thinking that was my son was re-enacting what some one has done to him. He won’t and doesn’t really say anything. I am just paralyzed andsad. My son hasn’t been sleeping right and the hugs and loving i give him is different. He says hes scared and walks around the house with his hand on his eyes. I’m reporting this to CPS and seeing a doctor on Monday. Their father and I aren’t together. They are with me two weeks then he gets them for a week. I date a gentleman in Florida who I travel to see. NO man is in my home. How would I know if his dad is doing it? Please help me

Perhaps your son was reenacting porn he has seen before? He’s 9 years old, it isn’t that far fetched. A lot of men report starting to watch porn around that age… Just a thought and best of luck.

My 6 year old daughter recently told me that while she was at her dads house someone another child touched all over her and her privates. I told her dad and he doesn’t believe me. When she went there he said she was wetting the bed and when she came home she was wetting the bed and I wondered why. So the other day after she came from chuck e cheese her and nephew was playing he came to me and said auntie your daughter said a curse word so I’m like what she say now he’s not a kid that curses so he like she said the s word so I asked him did she say shot, he said no and said that she sad sex and was spelling it. I asked her what sex was and she said when two people hump and stop them hump and stop again. I asked her how she know she told me the same person that touched her told her that and that she didn’t want him touching her. I asked her why she haven’t been told me this and she said because they told her I wouldn’t want her. What do I do when my daughter is scared to tell these same things to her dad and he thinks I’m making this up. But I’m.not my baby broke down screaming and crying over this and she doesn’t want to go back to her dads house. And he doesn’t seem to believe her nor does his girlfriend

Report this ASAP. Her POS father is useless and I beg you to not just sit and do anything about this. However young she is, she will definitely always remember this and will resent you if you do nothing to protect her. Report to police.

My 6yr old daughter started school because of her late birthday aug. 2016. The day after thanksgiving my daughter came home from school with several handprints on her butt and bruises went to school theh denied everything said nothing happened. Asked my daughter she said nothing called the cops they talked to her she said nothing. Then right before school Christmas break was pajama day. Teacher called around 1 to tell me my daughter had tripped with 2 little boys at lunch and one got up and smacked her ass. My daughter came home with blood on her underwear that day. School knows nothing cops have done nothing. Took her to hospital and tell nurses she has started wetting the bed and #2 on herself she wanted to be potty trained and was by a yr and a half. The nurse tells me that kids regress all the time but i dont believe that she has never had any problems. When we asked a couple week’s later she said it was a secret she has talked to kid psychologist through police. The police took her underwear to test for blood that was almost 2 months ago.

!.Please Take your child out of that school today!
2.Call the police chief everyday at a different time and ask for the results of the lab tests on your daughter’s underwear.
3.Hire an attorney who specializes in education law in your city. (Your daughter’s civil rights have been violated)
***As I’m sure you know your baby needs tons of reassurance and loving care and patience that this will not happen again. Make sure she knows that you believe her no matter what happened and when she tells you, keep as calm as possible and don’t get angry or lose your composure. She needs to know that Mommy can handle this and can take this horrific burden off her shoulders because she is in trauma still, and her school environment is UNSAFE and TOXIC.**

My 4 year old baby girl told me the clown and bad doctor touched her private and hurt her she said she was scared and she had to play secrets and keep secrets bc she would never see me again they said and they would hurt her worse. She said the clown was at my husbands moms house. And the Bad Doctor hurt her with his tools that looks like lollipops and they were different colors like lollipops. I brought her to her dr she has a UTI and something with her white blood cell levels in her urine and he said he wasn’t telling me she was but a lot of times when u see the levels like that it’s caused bc sexual contact. I went to the police department directly after and filed
a complaint. They referred her to Heart Of Hope. We went Wednesday and they did the interview with her but she said my husband and his father are the ones who touched her. But when asked to explain she would give random weird answers that didn’t make sense. Like he touched her private with a stick and when asked where did he get the stick she said the forest. The that his dad videoed her with no clothes and when asked what the camera looked like she said an elephant. They referred us to a therapist which I am calling to get appointment today. I am sickened I pray nothing has happened but why or how would my 4 year old daughter make this up. And i know I shouldn’t convict someone in my eyes until we get everything from therapists but I am not going to take anyone word over my daughter I will believe her until the end. Also the night she told me about someone touching her private she asked me to go play in her room and this is what happened. She took clothes off her babydoll to put it to bed so I put my babydoll laying next to hers. She said no mommy U have to take its clothes off. So I did but left the little diaper on it. Well she said no mommy the undies too. When I asked why her babies were sleeping with no clothes she like got scared and started crying and said she didn’t want to play anymore. Well a hour or so later she asked my to go make a secret hide out with blankets in her room and we needed pillows and snacks and the pillows were so no one could see inside and she handed me a blanket she called the adult blanket to put inside the secret hide out. Someone please help me. This is my only child my angel.

I am so happy you are doing everything you can to help your daughter. TOO many times parents dismiss their children when they come to them for help. You are correct, there’s no reason for her to lie. I believe an innocent child’s word over any adult. Always. Best of luck to you and your little one.

I am in no way a trained professional but I am a mother of 4 little kids myself and I can say that there is something not right there, and by the way you sound you as her mother know that something isn’t right. You did the right thing by calling the police and getting involved with the medical field. If I were in your shoes I would try to talk to your local county public health facility in hopes that they can help you go through the motions you need to in order to get some answers and well as getting counseling for yourself, no matter what happens even just the thought of someone hurting your child and you not being able to protect them causes lots of fear, anxiety, depression etc. Stick to your instincts, if you think that she is unsafe being with certain individuals then hopefully your county office can help to legally making it happen where she will never have to see them again. I think it would also be beneficial if you went to your local library, or online and get some books about private areas and what is allowed and what is not allowed, I did that with my kids when they were 3 years old and if anything it helped me so I was able to talk to them about uncomfortable subjects.
Good luck and remember there are places and people who can help you, just keep trying!

Ok so just now my daughter was playing with her doll. When I sat up, I caught her licking her dolls private area. She’s only 1 & 1/2, when I try to clean her vagina when wiping her she tries to close her legs or she gets squirmy like if it hurts. I thought nothing of that part because when she was 5 or 6 months she had a cathedar put in her and it made her bleed and I think basically traumatized her because they were having a hard time putting it in. I’m always with her though and her father works third shift and sleeps all day basically. The only time she wasn’t with me was one day with her grandpa from her dads side and one night with my mom and her boyfriend within the same week. Should I be worried? Im just curious of how she would know that you lick a private area??

Hello Jessica,
As a mom of 4 and grandma to 3, I can say that it is not normal. Trust your mothering instincts because that’s why we have them. Yes, you should be worried.

Hello! A young mother of two (boy and girl) and was molested during early elementary years so it’s obvious I’m very protective over my babies. To keep it short my daughter has been displaying sexual behavior since about 13 months by touching herself which I was told was normal. I’ve always been a little weary of my step father since my daughter was able to walk because of the way he says things. Just recently he seen her as I was bathing her and said “you look so cute.” She was in the tub and her hair was hanging wet (being washed). I was 9 months pregnant with my son so idk if I took it the wrong way or……. after I had my son she started peeing and pooing on herself, wetting the bed EVERYTHING. Obviously I thought it was bc she needed the attention bc of the new baby and blah blah blah but it went on until he turned 4 months and me and my boa and both kids moved into our own apartment. She had maybe one or two accidents then it all the behavior and regression stopped. Now me and the kids have moved back in for about a month now and she has started the behavior again by dancing with her tongue out and her butt in the air and I caught her on top of the baby basically humping him… unfortunately tonight I wiped her butt after her bowel movement and 30 seconds later I catch her in her secret hiding place in empty cabinets with her pants and drawers down where she keeps her toys I’m not sure if she was sticking anything in her genitalia….both my mom and him were in the kitchen when I found her and he said “u gotta watch who’s she’s around”. He is a know liar…she’s been potty trained since 15 months old. She’s VERY VERY aggressive towards my stepfather and he barely EVER SCOLDS HER! She hits, kicks, bites him but will also ask about him or for him occasionally. He also gets upset when she asks for grandma and not papa or when she doesn’t say hi to him. Please give me feedback, I’m going to call her Peds. to see where I can take her to get examined. I’ve had this feeling to long… she’s only 2 and this is breaking my heart. She also seems like she knows when she’s wrong bc she’ll stop by the look in my eyes and when I ask what she’s doing she’ll act like she doesn’t know. I love my baby. I can’t let this happen to her too.

Most trauma counseling services are income based and if the child was sexually abused, they will disclose the abuse to the counselor.

My mind has been in turmoil the last couple of weeks and hope someone can give me insight please to a situation. I would like to start off with the event that sent me in to panic, my 7 year old daughter was sleeping inbetween my husband and I one night and I woke up with the bed wiggling, I turned to find my husband masturbating my daughter! He seemed fast asleep, I grabbed his hand and asked him if he realized it was our daughter, he muffled- no, and went back to sleep. I naturally grabbed her and went to sleep on the couch, I tried to speak to her and find out if she was aware of what was going on, bit she was very sleepy and just went back to sleep. I confronted him that morning and he seemed shocked and traumatized! He said he would never do anything to hurt our children . He told me he couldn’t trust himself and suggested to sleep in another room until he can find a solution to what happended and why! Now many things happened in the past that has me worried, my husband watched porn while my eldest daughter was only three sitting in her pram next to him. He has been successfully healed of his porn addiction for many years now. He also masturbates in his sleep, has insomnia and restless legs. He has also reached for my eldest daughter once while she crept in one night in our bed and when I tried to stop him, he told me to relax! I naturally flipped out, he is or seems fast asleep. Thus I never mentioned anything, afraid I would wreck him. He also masturbates me in his sleep, this happens often, once to twice a week. I sleep with a pillow between us because I don’t like it, I feel molested. (Being molested as a child myself) Again he is or seems fast asleep while doing this. He has been very frustrated with me in the past if i turned him down in having sex, being late and I am tired. He works at night and I am stuck looking after kids day and night. He got violent and banged the cupboard door once and told me this is the reason men fantasize over other women and cheat. I don’t like being bullied into having sex, and it is not like he never gets it either. We have an ok sex life , he however is very sexual and his needs are high!
He is now aware of his actions, past and present and this has driven our relationship to a critical point. I can’t sleep, worrying about my kids. If he is unaware of this, has it happened before, has he done this to my daughters before or more than once and they don’t know what to say or speak out…. You can imagine that my head is running away with me!!!! It seems my daugter has no recollection of what happened that night and they have a good relationship. Is he sick, or has he got some sleeping disorder or what? I am about to ask him to leave the house, just so I can sleep and get my daughter to a play therapist and get some help myslef just to put things in perspective! I will never allow this to happen again.
I love my husband, he is a God fearing man with a gentle nature, I just don’t know what to make of this. He is willing to go for therapy and get answers and treatment, but is the damage done already??
I need insight, please help!!!

“God fearing man” …. Yup. He’s a pedo

get your kids out. He’s a selfish pedophile who wants to rape your daughters. Your strong and can escape with them. He will try to keep u with him by either being really nice and apologizing (pretending to change) or he will get mean and abusive. Either way he is a bad man and you have to protect your babies.

I know this must be hard for you, but you need to get your kids away from him. Whether or not he is aware, it can and will cause trauma for them. Considering that he was watching porn while he was awake it does not look good.

He isn’t asleep, he is abusing you and your daughter. Don’t believe him, get help now!

Lil, Instincts are always right. I would recommend therapy for both children and yourself. Before something terrible might happen. This is quite serious. His excuse for sleeping while he does this is a copout. He’s a grown man with a huge problem. Save your children from a lifetime of scars.

Hello,
First of all I want to say my heart goes out to you for having to deal with the fact that the father of your child and man you love has done questionable things. In my honest opinion, I believe he is hiding behind religion and his sleeping disorder to get away with his pedophilia. In most religious associations there are people who use kindness and generosity to get l gain trust and prey I your children with their excuse being that they are God fearing.

Ok. So someone please tell,me and explain if your child is bathing their private and says oh yes that’s the way. Oooo that feels so good at the age of 4 and then proceeds to tell you her dad has touched her and shows u where and then says she was threatened and u make a call to dhr and you go to the child advocacy center but shes too scared to talk….and then the investigating officer tells the mother..are you sure your not making this up because it happened to you and they are suppose to investigate but don’t and dismiss case…what do you do and then you have ur child in counseling and a month later they talk to him and then the officer and worker come to,ur house….the officer says case closed which they did a month earlier and says to the mother you are lying and you are teaching your daughter to lie and he,is asked to leave….while case worker is talking to my daughter gets up and says she has to leave cause that’s her ride….what do you do. I have her in counseling but she is scared to talk to anyone but me and then she acts out cuz she doesn’t want to talk or think about it. Someone please help me to help her. This was not properly handled and I don’t know how to help her.

Hire an experienced attorney now! File suit against the police dept for violating your daughter’s civil rights. Don’t keep talking to your daughter about what happened but leave that to the therapist who who may (depending on your state laws) record your daughter’s answers. Good luck.

Get her talking about it on video.

You should try recording her on your phone.

Opinion. My son is almost 6 and for the last year/year and a half he has been struggling with hyperactivity, impulse control, listening, sleeping alone, ect. Over the last year he has also had issues with “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours” games..at school. It happened a handful of times. On and off. Sometimes there were months in between. He almost got kicked out of pre k over it. Now hes in kindergarten n it was another few good months then he looked at another boy, pointed, & laughed. He says the boy did it first (I dont buy it due to his past history). Then at Thanksgiving he asked my niece who is almost 5. She told her mom 2 days later n I got the phone call. So I sat him down and started asking more. He knows its not okay, but continues.

In my questioning I asked about family on his dads side and found out that it also happened with his cousin who is almost 7..but he was bribed with candy by this cousin’s older sister who was about 12. She instructed each other to “show & touch” and it happened more than once he said. She supposedly got caught asking n grounded, but i was never informed. What course of action would you take on this?

He has a therapist, works with the school social worker and psychologist and im currently trying to get an iep for hyperactivity. Around the time he got hyperactive i thought it was need for attention b/c dad was doing heroin n visitation stopped n stuff was all over the place for a bit..but it hasn’t gotten better and i need to do whatever is necessary including reporting it in the proper way if it would help or is it necessary?

I’m experiencing something similar have caught my 6 yo son trying to touch my 3 yo daughter several times we have done canceling scaLded him. He knows he is wrong how do i make this stop I worry for the safety of my young daughter.

My 2 year old daughter has started to rub on her area on top of her pull up before she goes to sleep or she will put the covers in between her legs and move her legs back and forth. I am worried my mom’s husband has molested her. My mom and him sleep in separate rooms and my daughter will go play with him. She really does love him but… They appear to have a good time but sometimes the door is closed…..what should I do?

What! Open the door! You should NEVER let a man be alone with your daughter no matter who he is!

My 19 year old daughter is extreamly angry with her father we divorcedwhen she was 5. I caught my husband trying to get in her diaper and when she was 5 she came back from her dad and was screaming in pain from washing her vagina. I looked at it and it was red. Both times I sought medical and professional assistance. The first time there was inconclusive evidence and CPS told us not to break our family. She was two. When she was 5 there was a huge medical team brought in. They did all these things to comfort her. They gave her a stuffed animal. There was evidence but not conclusive. Shes 19 now .She cuts. Not alot. She’s abusive to her boyfriend. She’s been opening up to me lately and she finds inappropriate material on her phone and sees inappropriate things going on in his apartment. Recently there was an argument. She told him he has no respect for women (true that’s why we are divorced and he abused me) But this time he chocked her because she spit on his car window. I asked her why she was so angry. ONE of the reason was he forced her to “cover” for him with his new wife and his girlfriend, starting when she was 9 until now. He’s not married anymore but he is seeing several women. It made me think of some of his strange sexual practices. Then I remembered the thins that happened to her when she was 2 and 5. Did she suppress this and is this help fueling her enormous amount of anger and all of her emotional regulation issues and pot use? I know this man. It’s possible. All my research supports my theory. How do I move forward with out blowing up my family. Their father will deny EVERYTHING. If my daughter remembers or doesn’t it will destroy her. I’m dealing with this on my own and I’m having a difficult time. Please help us. Please help me help my daughter, my family. I feel this in my gut. I don’t know what to do. A professional response is wanted but any type of support is desperately needed.

Sounds to me she definitely got abused. Especially when you said her private part was red and she was screaming in pain. Such obvious sexual assault. No matter how young you think a child may be, they remember the types of things because it changes their lives. Her anger/cutting and everything you describe is her coping mechanism. She needs to see a therapist asap

Ok so I’ve been with my boy friend for 4 years I have to girls ages 5 and 7 the other night after dinner the girls where watching a movie on are bed while I cleaned up after dinner the girls fall asleep and so does my boy friend after I get done I move the girls to ther bed and get up the next bay normal and after dropping my 7 year old of my 5 year old says daddy touched me pee pee I said what she said daddy went down my pants and touched her pee and wiggled his fingers I told her ok and I love her for being big girl and telling me I ask my boy friend he says no I did not do it I would never hurt my baby then he says yes it happens it was an accident that he thought it was me that he was scared to tell me no way cAuse he never does that to me I made him leave

Report to police asap. He will continue to this I guarantee it. And you’re enabling him by not pressing charges. Protect your daughter because of you don’t, they will grow up to resent you.

You have a duty to tell the authorities since the girl is a minor. You are legally required to report it since you know the truth

my niece is 5years old and lives with a close family friend and her auntie and her my sister (her mum) is worried because the family friend aid that my niece is starting to bleed from her vagina more than once, but when they mum asks to see her. the family’s friend keeps coming up with reasons she can not see hear and normally she is really chatty but out friend said she is not talking to no one and I am confused because they wont let us see her but they keep telling us that she is bleeding, but she lives with a sister who is 8 and a brother who is 15 but he has autism and I don’t wanna blame him but I think maybe he had a funny turn. can someone help me what to do I don’t know what to do.

You must call the police and report this. I do believe you already know this. Please do the right thing.

Ok my fiancés daughter told her aunt that she’s seen daddy’s penis her aunt asked her how she saw it and she said he pees with me in the bathroom which struck me as really odd. She was 6 then she confronted him about and he laughed and said she was over reacting. It’s been a few months she just turned 7 and we just found out that her her brother who is 5 and there soon to be step sister 8 are taking baths together. and daddy stays in there with them and washes there hair. I feel this is completely inappropriate and disgusting I asked my parents and they agree please help us!

I have no problem with anything in your statement. However, time will help you out soon enough because the 8 year old step-sister will not want to bath with anyone else much longer. As far as the peeing, the father could probably be asked to be more discreet in his bathroom choices, but urinating in the toilet in front of your kids is not a crime or abusive. Just as mommies show their daughters typically female facts of life (yes, i’m generalizing), daddies often demonstrate to their sons how to pee standing up. Since your fiance is “mommy and daddy” in his home, it stands to reason that there have been fewer gender specific roles. Open communication would no doubt be beneficial to all parties. Blessings.

My daughter will turn three years old next week. She has recently started saying that her daycare provider ( a strict 70 year old that seems to have her ducks in a row ) has been “putting her fingers in her pee pee”. Our little one has been known to fib and the daycare lady was the one that actually brought the statement up and denied it vehemently. Should we be worried? Hard to tell exactly what is prompting these statements.

Concerned Daddy

What concerns me is how a three year old could just make that up. That’s not “daddy said yes” if mommy said no type of lie. That’s a descriptive statement and no way she would have the words to say that unless it’s happened to her I’d think

My grandson told me his auntie likes nasty penises, and that she licks his, he is four, he also was potty trained now he’s pooping his pants and when I take him home he does not want to be left with his aunt, and he never wants to go home, she is fufteen

Nope nope nope. She knows better. That is very serious!! Keep your kid away

Hi, my brothers daughter recently started to poo on herself, she wouldn’t even notice, she is 7years old. When my brother is out of town, his wife’s young brothers stays at my brothers house if his out of town, at work. The other young brother sleeps with my brother’s daughter in bed and he even pee on bed. Should I be worried? please help

Refilwe,

Whether or not anything is going on, it’s not wise for a boy going through puberty to sleep with a girl.

While there’s nothing you can do to make this change, consider discussing this with your brother. He can.

Best,
@MsGreene

My 3y so. Told me his dad’s gf rubbed her peeper on my 1y daughters while they were naked. He said she had blue pubic hair. He says he told his dad who denies it and my son told him no I told you while you were on the couch. My daughter says dad and gf ouchie and points to her pee while grimacing. She has totally stopped potty training and wants to nurse as soon as she returns from her dads but has been weaned for 2m. She is almost 2. What do I do I believe him since he stood up to his dad. Now dad calls and tries to make him change his story… gaslighting him.

Boles,

These situations are so tough and you may never know for sure. But a wise next step is to find a therapist that uses play and art to get children to open up. The good ones help children feel at ease and they share things honestly that they are not comfortable sharing with parents.

To find a therapist, contact the nearest children’s hospital and ask them for a referral.

Best,
@MsGreene

My 14 year old had recorded his 12 year old sister because some kid at school says its cool what should I do

Hey him in therapy and ur daughter as well. Get yourself one too, maybe.

Can someone please help me?! My ex and his wife are trying to win a custody battle! They claim that my 3 year old told them that my fiancé was hurting her privates. DCS and cops did an investigation and a forensic interview and my daughter never disclosed of sexual abuse. My fiancé agreed to a lie detector test and failed it! He went back and passed 2 more. we broke up due to this but I’m still struggling to know the truth! They have done multiple examines on my daughter and they have all came back normal. she even told me herself that nothing happened and that he never hurt her. She asks about him all the time and says she misses him and wants to see him. If he did this wouldn’t she be scared of him? My ex and his wife have temp custody of my daughter and I only get supervised visits because they said she told them that I beat her for telling and that I knew what was going on! That’s a LIE! Idk what to believe because they come up with different lies every other week! Please give me advice!

Dump the fiance or give up custody. Don’t put her in harm’s way.

Hi,
I am not sure what to do, my boyfriend has a little girl she is going to turn three in two months and though her daycare is encouraging using pull ups and potting training, as am I, he keeps insisting on changing her on a baby changing table and sometimes is in the room changing her for over ten minutes with the door shut. One time it was really silent and then out of no where I heard her scream out, and worried I kind of made up an reason to enter the room and she was till on the changing table being changed and she was pretty upset at that point screaming trying to get down….I thought that was so weird and I keep having a really bad feeling about the situation. I got fed up and moved the changing table out of her room cause she was also climbing up on it often saying daddy I am ready for you to change my diaper even when it wasn’t wet or anything, and I was worried she would fall off and again the behavior seemed really weird. I have tried nicely telling her to not let her daddy keep changing her up there she is too big for it, taking on a more casual approach only because if he isn’t harming her, I don’t want to freak her out or totally offend him. He is much older than me by twelve years and I know he often says when we are intimate that I look underaged and this just adds to my worry for her safety. I try to come up with reasons to go in when he has shut the door to change her, and it is also weird that when I would walk away he would shut the door again…why would you do that? I also notice since I moved the table out of her room he keeps using it in the living room and I caught him last night using it and he had her legs up over her head to change her and clean her and again I made a point to come in the room hoping he would get done quicker, he also said once when changing her and I had come in the room that he was sorry but he had to get up in there ( meaning inside part of her vagina ) to make sure there was no stuff left from going poop, again I am pretty used to working with young kids and that is something I was always told you didn’t do….you just wipe the outside from front to back with girls…again I am so concerned and my gentle approach and advise that we need to be in line with encouraging potty training like her daycare has not been working. He has her and her four year old brother half the time and the other half is with their mom….I am scared for the girl and my only other option is to go to their mom and mention this, but if she totally doesn’t receive it well or tells him I have crushed the relationship and also given the little girl no chance at getting help…I would want someone to tell me if it was my kid, but again it would I think be the end of this relationship and I could be wrong on what I am thinking is happening, I think nothing crazy serious has happened yet, but I am questioning more and more if he won’t eventually totally do the wrong thing besides just touching her maybe to much during diaper changes. Once he went in her room when she was asleep and he said he went in to check on her, he didn’t know I was awake that night when he got up, and he went in her room when she was sound asleep no sounds coming from her room at all, he was in there probably two minutes, but way long enough to know she was fine, and I heard again out of no where her scream like mad…when I came in he was totally naked which he does a lot, but what got me worried was he was leaning over her in such a way that his penis was literally almost in her face and she was screaming he said he was just checking on her, but I knew she had been fine before he came in, it took thirty minutes of her screaming like mad before she would then calm down. I told him he needs to stop being naked around her that she doesn’t need to think it is okay if a man walks in on her naked in case it happens from someone else…but really I meant to protect her from him too. That was the other event that has been haunting me…he is a great guy, but I don’t know something doesn’t feel right, but it isn’t my kid so what do I do?? Sorry it is a long comment I don’t know what to do!

Leave him and report the abuse to someone

hi.. really proud of you.. That even if it not your child.. you are not bothered of if your relationship would end.. and you truly care about that baby..

I would suggest you to catch him red handed. you have to prove with evidence. Next time fix a hidden camera. Later when ur BF leaves the room making the baby cry.. Check the recording if something suspicious happened.

If so.. Please show the video to the child mom.. And hand over the child to mom custody ..

Trust in your yourself if it dont feel right and that warning alarm is going off chances yr right screw your realionship help her talk to her mom about it. I dont think any man or father wants to change a diaper close the door hmm walking naked hell no!

Don’t ever leave that baby alone with him for long periods of time. Get some recording devices. Get proof before approaching mother and authorities. Proof is crucial for you to have. He’s definitely molesting her. Please do not wait too long. Your gut feeling is right save this baby before it’s too late. He is a sick disgusting man! When you heard that baby scream out its because he was hurting her. Please do the right thing. Obviously you love this child. Protect her as your own.

YOU KNOW THE TRUTH BY THE WAY IT FEELS!!! I wouldn’t even let him know that your suspecting him. If he is acting shady with her that often then it shouldn’t be too hard to catch him in the act, and that is exactly what you should do. Reading your reasons of why you suspect him seems pretty rational to me and that you are not crazy! I’m not sure if this is a new relationship and you’ve already noticed these things or if it’s been ongoing for while. Regardless you know something is off and if it is the worst you are allowing that little girl to continue getting abused, meanwhile why you are putting yourself at risk with a creep! Do something about it and catch him in the act because accusing ain’t going to do anything cause he surely ain’t going to admit to it! Telling the mother without proof will only cause an uproar without evidence. I believe you can catch him in the act, trust what your feeling cause none of that is normal at all and I can’t figure out how you haven’t came to terms with that yet! Good luck and bless that child.

You need to forget the relationship and tell the authorities everything you know without mentioning it it him and maybe install a nanny cam in her room in a teddy bear or something. It is our job as adults to protect any child we think is at risk and going by everything you have said, this man shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near children. Call authorities asap. Talk to them before the mother.

Lee,

It sounds like you are in a tough position and this relationship is at risk. It sounds like you don’t want to talk to him for fear of his reaction, but relationships are built on open communication. It possible to say that you are concerned and you want to discuss a few things. It’s okay to tell him you are uncomfortable with his actions, even if they are harmless and ask him to make specific changes. How he responds will tell you a lot.

Going directly to his ex, without talking to him is the nuclear option. It may be easier to talk to her than to him, but it is much more drastic.

I hope that’s helpful,
@MsGreene

We caught my eight year old step daughter masturbating and just recently started wetting the bed she’s also very affectionate with adult men and she said she’s unhappy at her mother’s house could she be being abused by her step father

Yes or another male.

My sister was sexually abused by my uncle. She was 10-11 years old. He did oral and used finger. Is that considered sexual or harassment? Also one of my aunts said it was my parents fault for letting him babysit. Really!! How stupid is that!
She’s 40 years old now but it still bothers her a lot.

Coco,

That has moved from sexual harassment to sexual child abuse and is very serious.

I’m so sorry for for your family.

@MsGreene

I’m in a bit of a rut.. my mothers boyfriend (whom she is still with even after what he did to me) grabbed and slapped my bottom many times and even told people he wanted to record me in the shower so he could see fresh meat. This happened for roughly 2 years before I moved out. As the years went by, the slaps turned into grabs (on my bottom) and he even “accidentally” grabbed my boob a few times. Sadly, I believed him.. I’ve been out of home for 2 years now, sadly it only uccured to me that it isn’t okay to do that. Can I still go to the police about this? I fear he’s going to sexually assault my other brothers or my sister. Please help!

Yes. You can.

It’s never too late too report any type of abuse! Call a local sexual abuse hotline and they can guide you with the steps to take in the reporting it so it’s less scary.

I was wondering about a 4 year old drawing a picture of a naked girl with a slit for a vaginal but she has a penis and scrotum drawn at her mouth. This child also likes to lick people mainly on their face. How would a 4 year old know this unless they were being abused??

Please call the police. You have to stop the pervert.

I am getting a divorce. My 18 year old daughter has had four spinal fusions. I was abused by my E physically, emotionally as well as verbally. I know that my daughter has been abused emotionally, and verbally. I am staying with my parents a few states away from my ex. I am going to the Mayo Clinic my daughter was going to be staying with me but she decided to go home for her fourth spinal fusion. I called her psychologist and asked her to speak with my daughter about this sexual abuse that I was concerned about. My daughter has denied the abuse. The psychologist has basically wiped it under the rug their is no problem. My ex has been into pornography since he was 12 so for 35 + years and he has had affairs. Either emotional or physical they are affairs. My daughter now has use of the credit card that she can buy whatever she wants. I have noticed she has been buying bras and other clothing items that I would not buy her. My daughter has had PTSD since I have not been home and she has been in the hospital ER. The doctor diagnosed it as undo stress from the divorce. I have always told my daughter to love her dad. My daughters emotional
Support dog does not like my ex and he growls and barks when my ex is around. My daughter has texted me to tell me that she had caught her dad watching her sleep. Her dog has woke her up. What should I do? Where do I go?

Good day,

My daughter is 6 years old. Every time she and her brother visits their dad she wets her pants constantly and when they return home she stops doing it after less than a week.
But in that week when it happens and i ask her why she does it and don’t go tho the bathroom she starts to cry.
Should i be concerned?

Do you need to ask? Seriously. Is obvious she is scared of him. Trust no one woman! Feel your mother instinct and take your children to a check up to look for signs of abuse.
Good luck

Hi, I was sexually abused as a child and I am now just trying to understand my behaviour. I do not like having baths or showers, why is that? I have just found a way so I could have a shower, I listen to music or listen to youtube and that seems to be working. Any thoughts?
Thanks!!!

It may be because you were abused in the bath or shower, or you may have an indirect association as you are naked and essentially vulnerable in the tub or shower. You may have suppressed memories. Please seek out a qualified trauma therapist.

I’m sorry this happened to you. Good luck.

My friend has separated from her partner he was abussed as a child. He has his two daughters aged 3 and 5 every other week. Both girls have mentioned to 3 different adult friends of the mother comments on there fathers penis example
I touched daddy willy
Daddy tickles his willy
Daddy plays with his willy
Is this normal for my friend girls to just come out with this. Or am I being paronoid?

No its not normal, keep a journal and if it continues I highly recommend informing the kids pediatrician or an other form of authority to advise you on what ro do.

No this is not normal. Exposing children to sexual situations and performance is abuse. They should not see his privates much less know that he plays with it. Those children should definitely not be touching daddy’s willy. He is conditioning the child to be familiar with his naked body and genitals, grooming the child to be accepting of his sexual attention. Call the police.

There is zero paranoia there. Please please please encourage her to investigate. Kids don’t randomly make stuff up like that. Especially that young. 99% of the time they would only say that if they have seen it.

Jane,

When we have those “I wonder if” moments, and children are involved, we need to listen to our hearts.

@MsGreene

Is it ok for a 10 year old little boy to sleep in the same bed every night with his grandpa ? I am starting to see different signs from anger to going to the bathroom (#2) in pants all the time ..

Is not ok!!!!! He is prolly being Abused every single night. What’s wrong with people. Please wake up. Trust no one

This is wrong. Take the child to the Doctor and have a Phycologist present to gently ask the child without leading or blaming.
The child should not be sleeping with an adult male.
The loss of control over his bowels is a sign of sexual abuse. Maybe physical damage.
The anger is also a sign of sexual abuse. He cannot stop it or has zero control over what is happening to him.
Give him a way out. Get him away from this man asap.

FIRST. MAKE THE GRANDFATHER LEAVE IF POSSIBLE. Make sure the child knows that he can tell you anything and that you will always love him and never ever leave. There is nothing that could ever make you leave him. Ask him if he wants to sleep alone. Tell him he has a choice and he is not alone. He is a likable nice person, smart. No one should ever touch him against his wishes and definitely never should an adult touch him or do anything to his bathroom parts. Buttocks or penis or touch him in any way that makes him feel odd, ashamed, weak, exposed, uncomfortable, pain.
Adults may ask or trick you to do things you dont want or like. It is not his fault. The adult is the one who is wrong. It is ok to not like it and it is definitely ok to tell and make it stop.

I wouldn’t ignore it. My daughter had anger issues. And the #2 could be purposely so he will not be touched.

My son is 20 months. He used to love being naked, and as of last week, he began crying and saying “naked!”, and trying to cover himself up when we take his clothes off for his bath, a diaper change, or a change of clothing. Is this common? I am trying not to panic, as I am sure it’s nothing major, but I am worried. He is babysat by a close female relative several days a week. Should I take him to the doctor right away, or should I wait to see if the behaviour changes?

Stop letting the ” close female relative” be alone with the child. And anyone else who was at that home during the time this started. Stop letting the child see this person(s)
for at least a month as well. Make excuses… Busy, have so many things going on… We will catch up later… Excuses. But do not have him around any of them.
See if his behavior stops. If he relaxes and is comfortable with his body again.
Children that age should not be so body conscious. Body consciousness should happen much later. ” mommy don’t look I am a boy” Cuteness. You get the idea? Not this extreme discomfort with his nakedness. He should not see himself as naked only free of clothing. I think
Someone has made him aware or taunted him while he was undressed. Shaming is abuse. Making him feel exposed.
Trust your mom instincts. Those warning bells are going off for a reason. Your child is more important than a friend or relative.
If he stops after a month of no presence of these people try taking him around them, only with your supervision and support. Gauge his reaction. See if he relapses and wont let you change his pants there or whatever…

Can anyone out there help or advise me please?
We are a tight-knit family, always have been, and our children regularly have sleepovers in each other’s houses. However, it has now transpired that my 13 year old nephew has been inappropriate with my little 7 year old daughter. We are understandably devastated and we want to know what we should do next… how do we process and handle this information – while also minimising the risk of psychologically scarring my daughter? And/or ruining the life of the teenage cousin? His parents are watching him like a hawk, concerned that he could kill or hurt himself, such is his shame and guilt at doing this….
This all emerged only last night. She told us so matter-of-factly that she was sore as he tries to touch her, and then it all got so much worse when she said he tried to touch her with his *** and tried to wiggle it around in her pants. She said she told him to stop it, and he did. But such is her innocence, she said she didn’t want to leave the room as she was too busy playing nintendo! Oh thank God for the innocence of children…
The worst thing is, though, is this happened not once but twice apparently. Which, in my opinion, is unforgivable… How could he if he KNEW it was wrong the first time??? I’m just brokenhearted about all of this…. I’m finding it hard to think straight….

Since then, he has been confronted and he has admitted everything immediately. He says he knows it was wrong but he was learning about sex at school and was just curious. He is aware of how serious the situation is and how it could potentially ruin lives and shatter our entire family circle. Please advise what to do next. I’m confident that my daughter can overcome this as she honestly doesn’t realise the gravitas of what’s happened, and she still adores him. I think if we never make her talk about it or mention it again, there’s a good chance she might forget. BUT – will she? Obviously, she will never be in a room alone with him again – nor will any of our other children, just in case, but what do we do now… ????
I guess what I’m really asking is do we go to the cops or do we try to contain this among ourselves and heal the damage caused with as little disruption as possible to my daughter? She said she wanted him told off for doing it, and that’s all – I think she’s afraid to get him into trouble, she adores her older cousins. Jesus. What the hell do we do now?
Please please someone reply… Dr Greene, please reply… Thanks for listening.

13 year olds now days are doing intermediate algebra in school. If they can learn that then they should be expected to know what’s appropriate and what’s not. No 13 year old should even think that that’s ok to use any girl as a tool to be curious. Call and report and get your daughter in therapy and hold him accountable cause he needs therapy and strict boundaries around any girls so it don’t happen again!!!! Seriously it’s not ok

No its not normal, keep a journal and if it continues I highly recommend informing the kids pediatrician or an other form of authority to advise you on what ro
do.

You need to get him help asap if he did it twice to your daughter he will repeat next time maybe another child.. your daughter she might seem okay now she might block it out for awhile she will be effected later in life.
Also if he re offends and it comes out you can get in serrious trouble for not reporting.
You cant ignore this there is more to the story like who abused the boy. You need to call the police. Dont risk your own child over hush hush.. he will not stop until he gets help

Take the boy to a Doctor and get him a Psychologist. Insist upon it.

You may save his life. If treated early he could stop and lead a normal life.

She is 7 years old. He is 13 and definitely knows better. He did it more than on one occasion and has ” admitted” to twice. But there are probably more. Maybe with others. Hard to say.
Curiosity does not excuse his behavior. Stand strong. INSIST he is taken to a Doctor and treated in a facility until the DOCTOR RELEASES him from care. If they refuse. Call the police.
Your child and other children must come first. He needs counseling in a hospital before he continues on to commit worse acts.

I would not let her within his sight.

A thought….. Could he have been abused?

Acting out what was done to him or possibly he was encouraged to do this by his abuser?

Take him to a doctor.

Take her to her pediatrician and make sure she is undamaged inside.

I hope you didn’t ignore it. Who’s to say it wouldn’t happen again?

While I can’t give you any advice on whethed or not to contact the police, I do seriously advise that you don’t just stop mentioning it and hope your daughter forgets. I understand that you want the best for her and that you don’t want this to affect her, but even if she forgets, it can still have an impact on her. Many people who repress or forget things like that later remember them as adults and have to deal with the trauma then. Even people who don’t remember often show the same problems later in life as people who do. The best thing to do is to deal with it now so that she can be well adjusted later in life.
I will preface the next bit by saying I have no solid proof other than my own memories that I was sexually abused. It would have been when I was 4 or 5. I’m 18 now, and only within the last couple years have I remembered what happened to me. Even though for years I wasn’t consciously aware of what had happened, I still had many problems that were associated with childhood sexual abuse. Now that I have some memory of what happened, I can deal with it as someone who’s old enough to understand what happened, but I might have been able to avoid those issues all together, or at least understand why I had them, had I had the proper counselling when I was younger

Good morning Dr Greene,I have a 9 year old born June 25th 2007 and shes my heart.I am going through a divorce and for 2 years we have been stuck on the custody,my wife as accused me of you name it ive done it
Child molestation (Unfounded was investigated )
Drug Addict was tested more than twice by the courts( All negative)
My wife moved a man in my house as acteffeent,oh and by the way I told him to dry off somewhere else after my kid said he drys off he told me that none of my business and when i threatened him with CPS he said line up been having troubles with CPS for nine years
My daughter told me after i asked her if he touched her said no but he hugs me alot and she said makes her feel uncomfortable and the last 3 weeks as been asking me about periods,bgger hips she wants training bra she also took my ex wifes tampon and said just incase she starts a period
I noticed her watching a program on discovering womens body and thats not usually her
is she do you think being touched or more by this guy,hes own daughter was hurt by his wife Penal code 273a and he brought her back to live in my house with jane until he started fighting with his daughter whos 15 and the police came took daughter away
Janes had a evaluation parenting guide because my wife hates me (Borderline?) and will not except me as parent this mans acting like her dad judge does not like this
is she being molested or something and why doesnt she tell me

Thank you I have had this feeling for a while he needs to go

Sounds like she is trying to tell you without saying it outright. He has been ” grooming” her by getting her used to his touch. Accidentally touching her in forbidden areas, then eventually the touch lingers longer and longer. Until she forgets how it started?!?? Then he starts getting her used to him being naked, partially then fully….
Just a guess.
Here is a good link

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/abuse/Pages/child-sexual-abuse.aspx

I need some advice! My stepson is 7 yrs old and we only have him on the weekends. I have a 2 year old and I used to bathe them together cause obviously they wanted to play in the water. But one day I noticed my stepson wanted my baby to touch his penis. I didn’t make a big deal since I thought it was curiosity cause he also likes to be naked when I’m about to shower my baby. So I stopped giving them baths together, but last Friday something happened and I’m a little worried.

My mom is here from Florida cause of my 2 yo baby and we needed to hurry up so I ended up giving them a bath together. I notice I had no towels so I went out to the laundry room. I asked my mom to check on them while I got the towels. When I came back with the towels I noticed my mom was acting so weird and my son was already out of the tub (this was less than 2 min) and she told me my stepson was trying to put his penis on my baby’s mouth.

I am very worried. I know that when he is at home I have to watch them closely, but am so scared of my stepson being molested. I know that this should cause him disgust, but he is trying to do something so grown up it freaks me out. I love him with all of my heart, as if he was my own. And the thought of something happening to him makes me so angry. I told my husband and he is gonna talk to his mom about it cause she also has a 3 year old, but I wannna know if you guys think I’m freaking out too much cause I can’t just bare the thought of someone hurting my child.

A 7 year old should not even try oral sex or have knowledge of it. He learned the behavior from someone, a male would be my first guess.
A sign he may have been abused himself or exposed to watching adults have sex. Either way it is abuse. He sounds like he is “acting out” what he either experienced or witnessed.
Take him to a Doctor.
On the sly go on Ebay and buy a min dvr spy cam and sd card. Tell no one.
Find out what is going on in your home.

Do something. That’s not right.

I am only a tween so I have no idea wat is going on. All I know is that I agree with you: This is scary!

I have a 17 month old son that doesn’t like his bottom being touched and hates being changed and taking baths. He also clenches his bottom when I try to wash him there. Can you please tell me if he is being abused? I don’t know what else to do. He can’t talk. I’m desperate for answers. i’m trying to buy a nanny cam but I can’t get over this fear that the caregiver will find out about it and I will never know about the abuse.

Get a new caregiver. It’s your child. Any suspicious activity and your fired.

See a Dr!! Don’t ignore this!!

this could also be pain, pin worms etc… see a dr!

My daughter just turned 4 she has a cousin who comes over on the weekends who is also 4. My daughter watches a lot of unsupervised youtube because I can’t seem to keep her off of it. but she likes a rapper on youtube she pretends it her boyfriend when she plays alone or with her cousin, I have never caught her doing anything inappropriate till today when I asked what was she pretending she said having sex but its just pretend shes not really doing it, I don’t know what to say or I keep expecting someone is doing something to my child but I don’t know who and she says nothing is going on. Maybe I’m paranoid or maybe shes seen something on youtube but I don’t wanna be right.

Just ask her a few questions but make her feel comfortable make it suttel so she dosent notice and then just ask what did she do in the game

Four years old!! You need help too! This is all wrong in every way possible!

Turn off the computer, the tablet, the TV. Turn it all off, take a camera, some colored pencils, a sketchbook, a bird or flower book and get outside and start discovering your world. Your beautiful world.

Parent. Not only should your child, or any, be watching You Tube, she should not be online, period. Especially unsupervised. Is everyone insane?

Your child should not know what sex is. Should not know what a rapper is. Should not know what You Tube is. Should not even know what the internet is. And one day, when she has to be able to access educational material online, it should be supervised. Meaning through a parental filter and a living human parental figure.

I wish people would wake up that it is our current society that is backwards. Previous
generations would not have fathomed such absolute robbing of innocence of children. Historically, cultures which demeaned children have been destroyed eventually.

And all these people commenting here about my stepson did this or my son did that or my daughter did this. Wake up. Do not leave your child unsupervised with other kids, period. Sorry to say, as this board illustrates, lots of children are not being parented and are exposed to things adults shouldn’t even know of. So, yes, there is an excellent chance that you are opening your child up to harm if you leave him or her unattended with another child. So just take control and refuse to do it. No second chances for some poor un-parented child to corrupt your own.

There is lots and lots of bad news out there, but the good news is that you can change your own corner and truly protect your children.

your 4yo shouldn’t be watching youtube unsupervised, be watching rap videos, or know what sex is. Delete the app. There is a youtube kids app that has kids videos.