My 25 month-old son throws temper tantrums at the worst possible times, like in the grocery store (which happened to me yesterday). What do I do? I'm so embarrassed!

You are not alone! Most parents who have had a two-year-old have experienced the same situation and the same feelings. Temper tantrums are very common at this age, and when viewed in context, they can be an extremely constructive part of the development of a healthy child.

Newborns and infants are quite happy as long as their basic physical needs are met. Children in the developmental stage known as the "Terrible Twos," or "First Adolescence," become aware of the choices available to them and as a result become angry or frustrated when they are powerless over those choices. The result is often "Temper Tantrums" or what I like to call "Emotional Storms."

Let's look at the example you mentioned of the grocery store -- as an adult, you can choose whether or not you want to go to the grocery store, when to go, what products you are going to buy, and which products you will not purchase. When you are in the middle of shopping in the grocery store, your child will see things he wants. To make the supermarket situation worse, there are cleverly-designed packages up and down the aisles that scream, "Buy me! Buy me! Buy me!" To a large extent we are able to tune that out (although it affects us much more than we think). For a small child who is just learning to make choices, it's like going to a deafening rock concert. Visually they are overwhelmed by high-decibel choices. They are compelled to start wanting multiple attractive items. When they can't have what they want, they dissolve into tears and worse -- deafening screams. Of course, everybody in the store turns and looks at your child, and (shudder) at you!

Surveys have shown that there are two common reactions of parents in this situation. The first is to spank or discipline the child in some way. Our role during this phase is to teach our children to make choices, to teach them to grow up as independent, highly functioning people. If you discipline a child for a temper tantrum in a store, you are teaching a powerful unconscious lesson: down the road, when he or she is in second adolescence, and is confused, hurting, scared, and doesn't know what choices to make -- don't talk to Mom or Dad, because they will not understand and it will hurt.

The second major way that people deal with temper tantrums in stores is to give the children whatever they had the temper tantrums to get. Basically, this teaches kids that if they cry hard enough, or act out sufficiently, they will get whatever they want. We don't want to teach our children that either.

So, what does one do about temper tantrums? Try to avoid emotional storms whenever possible. Children are most susceptible to storms when they are tired, hungry, uncomfortable or bored. When possible, plan shopping for times when your child is rested, fed, and healthy. Interact with your son throughout shopping and/or bring along stimulating toys or books.

Remember the situation from your child's perspective: you are going along making choice, after choice, after choice, but when he tries to make a choice, he doesn't get what he wants. You can see how frustrating this would be.