My wonderful father recently passed away and we will all miss him very much. I am especially concerned about how this will impact my three year old son. He is an outgoing little boy who adored his grandfather. What things should I be watching for and what suggestions do you have to make this easier.

First of all, I want to express my sincerest sympathy to you and your entire family. It is never easy to lose a parent and it sounds like you were very close to your father. I know you will miss him very much.

The grieving process is a long and difficult one for adults and children alike . The first step in dealing with grief is to recognize the many forms of expression it may take. You may feel depressed, sad, lonely, lethargic, and experience a lack of appetite. These expressions are common and easy to link to grief, but there are many other expressions that are harder to identify as grief-related. They include anger, aggression, ravenous appetite, lack of direction, lack of motivation, inability to focus on a task, short attention span, and forgetfulness. One of the best things you can do to help your son cope with his pain is to give yourself the opportunity to grieve for your father and to allow him to observe your grieving process. It is important to accept now that you will be very fragile for the next year or more. During this time you will need to be very kind to yourself and to your family members.

In terms of helping your son through this process, start by paying careful attention to his physical needs. Make sure that he gets proper rest, nutrition, and exercise. If possible, give him the opportunity to play out of doors. A combination of sunshine and being in physical contact with nature has a strong positive effect on our bodies as well as our emotions. Paying attention to the basics will give your son the opportunity to begin the process of grieving from a healthy position.

There is no really “good” time to grieve, but most likely the pain of this loss will hit at the worst possible time. Whether your child is feeling anger, sadness, depression, or aggression, he will probably express his pain through temper tantrums or bouts of uncontrollable crying. By nature, this will happen when you are in a public place or have pressing obligations that are very important to you . This is not an accident. It is at these times that he will feel the depth of his loss most acutely. In general, you will want to handle these episodes much the way you normally would, however it is important that you recognize what is going on and make extra space for his pain. Your son may not be able to associate what he is feeling with your father's death and you do not need to bring it up every time he acts out. In point of fact, it is important that you do not allow him to get in the habit of using this as an excuse to act out.

When grieving, some kids will complain of vague physical symptoms, including headaches, stomachaches, or “I don’t feel good”. Although it’s important to take these symptoms seriously, it’s also useful to keep in mind that they can be a sign of grieving.

It is also common for children who have recently experienced a loss to worry about their family and friends. In particular, they might worry about another loved one dying or becoming ill. Separation anxiety may become pronounced again, as well as fear of doctor and hospitals.

Another important thing to look out for is guilt, especially in younger children. Sometimes kids feel that a person died because of something they did, said, or wished.