Dr. Greene’s Answer:
Some of the most poignant episodes of my pediatric training were long visits with children victimized by sexual abuse. I vividly remember sitting with tears streaming down my face after hearing how children had been scarred by those they trusted.
How sad that we need to be discussing this subject for a three-and-a-half-year-old! Unfortunately, there is no age at which a child is exempt from sexual abuse. About one-third of cases occur in kids younger than six years of age, about one third in children ages six to twelve, and one third in children ages twelve to eighteen. The Fourth National Incidence Study on Sexual Abuse estimated that 1.8 in 1000 children were victims of sexual abuse. Unfortunately, many of these children do not disclose this abuse until they are adults.
Sexual abuse includes any activity with a child for the sexual gratification of an adult or significantly older child (more than about 4 years older). Children’s intense need for affection and nurturance from older figures makes them vulnerable. Adults and older children hold a position of tremendous power in their lives. It is the abuse of this power, and the abuse of children’s trust, that is so damaging.
Three Categories of Sexual Abuse
- Molestation, which is defined as the touching or fondling of the genitals of a child, or asking a child to touch or fondle an adult’s genitals, or using a child to enhance pleasure from sexual acts or pornography
- Sexual intercourse, which includes vaginal, oral, or rectal penetration
- Rape, unlawful sexual activity carried out with force against a person’s will or carried out with someone under a certain age or someone who is not able to consent fully.
Most abuse begins with innocent physical contact. A needy adult then makes this a routine. Once a routine is developed, it is not uncommon to progress to intercourse.
The most common perpetrator of sexual abuse is either a family member or a close friend of the family. Sexual abuse by a stranger is quite uncommon.
Sexual abuse commonly comes to light through the child’s disclosing the incident of sexual contact to a trusted adult. Historically, a child’s word was not taken seriously. Over the last twenty years, the pendulum swung to the opposite extreme; if a child described sexual contact, it was considered a fact, and the volunteering of such information was considered very strong legal evidence. Recently, the pendulum has returned to a more balanced position: take it very seriously whenever a child mentions sexual contact, but understand that not everything said necessarily mirrors physical reality. It is important to listen to your child and bring up any and all concerns to your pediatrician who can then take appropriate next steps.
Determining a Child is a Victim of Sexual Abuse
The best way to clarify a situation, such as you have described, is to have your child examined by a sexual abuse specialist. Most children’s hospitals have a sexual abuse team or will be able to refer you to a specialist in your area. (The two hospitals that offer this service in your area are Santa Clara Valley Medical Center in San Jose and the Keller Center at San Mateo Medical Center). Your pediatrician can also help you navigate where best to take your child for an evaluation.
A sexual abuse examination is comprised of two basic elements. First, and perhaps most important, your daughter would be interviewed by an expert who very gently elicits information from her about what might have happened. Efforts are made to minimize the number of times a child has to tell the story and the number of people visibly present during the interview. The interviewer will let your child set the pace and may use pictures or dolls to draw her out, without suggesting to her what might have occurred.
This is generally followed by a physical examination of the external genitals, checking for any sign of trauma (such as bleeding, tears, or inflammation), laxity, or discharge. Sometimes this will be done with magnification, using an instrument called a colposcope. This will be done with a chaperone and often a parent in the room in order to ensure comfort for the child. A parent or a loving caregiver by the child’s head can give them support and reassurance throughout the exam.
Note that a physical examination cannot in and of itself confirm or rule out sexual abuse. In at least half of the cases of child abuse that are confessed by the abuser, there are no findings on physical exam.
Clues to Help Recognize Sexual Abuse
Children who have actually been abused will often recant their initial statement because they are afraid of their abuser or because their abuser convinces them that this is “their little secret.” And children who have never been sexually abused will, based on normal child development, go through phases of curiosity and misunderstandings about their genitals and about sexual activity.
Several clues are associated with sexual abuse (but often the only clues are a child’s verbal statement and their physical exam is normal):
- Genital infections, redness, or discharge
- Burning with urination
- Urinary tract infection
- The new onset of either bed-wetting or stool problems
- Sudden increased sexuality with peers, animals, or objects
- Seductive behavior
- Age-inappropriate sexual knowledge
- Regression
- Other dramatic behavior changes
Hopefully, nothing significant happened to your little girl, but if my daughter came to me with the same story, I would not let the situation go uninvestigated. The scenario you have described is the most frequent way actual sexual abuse is detected.
Whatever turns out to be true, it’s important to prepare our children to protect themselves against sexual abuse. Begin by teaching them the proper names and significance of their private parts as soon as they are able to understand (about age 3). This will help to teach them that although these parts of their body are private, it is ok to talk about them and ask questions. Then they will be ready to understand and communicate what has happened to them.
Three Key Messages Children Should Understand
- Say no if somebody tries to touch your nipples, rectum, or genitals.
- Tell a trusted adult if someone tries to touch you.
- Don’t keep secrets — if somebody tells you to keep a secret, let your parents know right away.
Parents need to be careful about who spends time alone with their children – where and when. Parents should also be ready to listen and take it seriously when their child has a question or concern. Open lines of communication are incredibly important for children in order for them to feel comfortable talking about confusing or scary experiences.
For a parent or caregiver, recognizing sexual abuse is just the beginning of the healing process — but it’s a very important first step. Studies have shown that the long term outcomes of children who have been abused are much better if they are believed and taken seriously at the time of disclosure. Abuse should be treated by a supportive team of experts.
You have the power to make a big difference.
References and Resources
Jenny C, et al. The evaluation of children in the primary care setting when sexual abuse is suspected. Pediatrics. 2013; 132(2):e558-e567.
Finkel MA, et al. Medical Evaluation of Child Sexual Abuse: A Practical Guide. Elk Grove Village, IL: American Academy of Pediatrics; 2009.
Laskey A, et al. COUNCIL ON CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT. Protecting Children From Sexual Abuse by Health Care Professionals and in the Health Care Setting. Pediatrics. 2022 Sep 1;150(3).
Photo credit: Khamidulin
Grace
when I was around 4 or 5 years old I remember my brother and I would lay in bed and watch tv with my dad. I remember he would put his hands down the back of pants. I remember thinking how uncomfortable I was but I was afraid to push him away so I would adjust in certain ways hoping he’d have to move his hand. I remember he started putting his hand down the back of my pants and underwear and I didnt like it but I was afraid if i pushed him away he’d get mad (he was always flip flopping and either your best friend or worst enemy)
Coincidentally, after picking us up from school, on the way home, my mom told me and my siblings “if any one ever touches you and you dont like it you can tell me, even if its your dad”
and thats when i told her exactly what was making me uncomfortable.
That night, right infront of me… my dad and mom were arguing and my dad said i was a “vicious liar” and that it never happened at all.
The fact that my dad denied it was so confusing for me because I didnt actually think he was doing anything wrong, i just didnt like it. My mom just told me he was probably checking to see if i pee’d or something but I remember regretting I ever said anything. Nothing ever happened and I never cuddled with my dad or mom or anyone ever again and I turned into the worst child in the family. my dad always said im always lying, spying, or crying.
My relationship with my parents and my dad nowadays, 25 years later, is good. I dont know if what happened to me was sexual and i dont know if other sexual stuff had happened that i didnt remember. (because I was very very sexually inappropriate from as long as i can remember)
Its hard for me to think that my dad sexually abused me and im really conflicted if that is what happened?
what scarred me the most is that i trusted my mom and felt safe telling her what i did and it backfired and made me realize that i couldnt trust anyone
Added:
Crystal
I need serious advice please anyone who can help…. it started when my daughter was 16 months old… I had a gut feeling that my husband (her dad) had touched her inappropriately. There wasn’t any reason to think this.. just a sudden gut feeling. Weeks later, I walked into the room and she was sitting down with her baby dolls face in her crotch area and she was making a sucking sound. When I asked her was she was doing she made the sound again and then stopped. Her dad and I separated for a while shortly after that incident and were on and off for a bit but he was never alone with her and she never had issues.
She potty trained herself at 2 years old and had no accidents. 1 year after being potty trained, she’s now 3 (around the time everything got shut down from covid) her dad started coming over to watch her while I went grocery shopping. After the 2nd or 3rd time, she started peeing her pants all the time. And we were always home so there was no obvious reason for it. She started to space out and kind of just check out mentally and pee her pants. I thought she was just being lazy so I began doing potty breaks to avoid accidents. She fought me about pulling down her pants. She did not want to to pee or to take a bath and she’d would cry. I thought she was just being a typical 3 yo and giving me a hard time. But the accidents persisted for about 5-6 weeks. It seemed to begin improving but then began again.. then, she started to smell like fish down there.. NOTHING helped. From diet to more water,, to bathing/no soap/soap.. nothing.. I called the ped and she was negetive for UTI and bacterial infection. I obviously told her dad about this and it seemed to all just stop after she cried out of nowhere one night and said she doesnt want me to leave her with daddy. She wants to go to the store with me so I stopped leaving her with him. All was well for almost 2 months until last week. He’s been taking her regularly for 2 days the past couple weeks.. I had a bad gut feeling again when I went to pick her up from the house he’s staying at.. I can read him well and he seemed nervous. She was watching TV and out of nowhere he just randomly asked me what ever happened last time with her peeing her pants and the smell….. my heart sunk because it was so out of the blue and I already had a bad feeling… I said “remember, I told you… everything was negetive and it all just cleared up so I let it go”…. then I took her to the bathroom before we left and she had discharge on her underwear for the first time ever…. she started smelling like fish again the next day and scremed crying holding on to me so tightly that she doesn’t want to go with him. She always says she doesn’t want to but he tells her she has no choice. He always buys her stuff almost like an attempt to make her forget she didn’t want to be with him… I took her in to the ped right away… urine was positive for nitrates and white blood cells. The results came back today that she has a UTI. Same symptoms.. except last time she was negetive for everything and this time she has all of this going on… I have had this gut feeling for so long but I don’t know what to do….I’ve caught her trying to put things in her vagina before all of this happened… so she was only 2 and to me, that’s so young for that… people say its normal though. My gut instinct has been eating me up for years at this point and now to see this happening I am so torn. She is my miracle baby and It’s killing me to think I have to just allow this if it is happening. She acts like she resents me already… any time I tell her that he’s coming to get her, she starts acting like she doesn’t love me anymore… becomes really mean towards me… I’m so hurt. I don’t know what to do…
Added:
Steven
I wish I’d seen this post two years ago. I would have told you that he is DEFINITELY molesting her, and that you should take her to a hospital and have her examined by a specialist. And go to a family court and start working on keeping your husband away from her. At the same time, file for divorce and move out or kick him out whichever it needs to be.
Added:
Susan
My 4 year old granddaughter adamantly insists that an 8 year old neighbor boy took her to the bathroom, gave her his camera and asked her take a picture of her vagina. He showed her how to pull down her pants, put the camera between her legs and snap the picture. His parents say it never happened and my granddaughter is lying. Do I call the police?
Added:
Theydeservethebest
I caught my husband for 11 years with putting his hand down my 16 month old baby’s nappy. He had previously tried to be alone with her al lot and once I walked in on him whilst carrying her and he immediately dropped his hand from under her skirt. I reported the whole thing and he was arrested. I fled to a refuge with my kids and we went to court. I lost the case and he has now been granted overnight stays with her and my son starting this weekend. I am terrified that the thing I feared had now happened. I cannot be there to protect her and if I don’t take her for the visitation, I risk losing her entirely.
She has already had some unsupervised time with him in the community as ordered by the court and came back refusing I change her nappy saying no no no. her brother was there as well. The thing is when I saw him doing these things to her, it was in public because I didn’t allow him acces to her in private due to my suspicions. Now, he will potentially have access to her in private. I feel really helpless and don’t know what to do. She is non-verbal at 2 and won’t be able to tell me if anything bad happens to her. What do I do?
Added:
Raine
I just left a 6 month relationship where I was elated to date a man who was a great dad to his 6 year old daughter. He has been divorced one year.
Now that we have been broken up one month, I am trying to logically decide if some of the behavior I witnessed is enough to report to child services. I have felt off about him and our relationship since what I began to see a few months ago, and what I saw only escalated.
The things that have been happening are more psycho-sexual in nature. My ex-boyfriend has 50/50 custody of his daughter and sleeps with his daughter every night he has her in his underwear, and draws on her back to put her to sleep. He says that she refuses to sleep in her own room and always wants to touch him and be close to him at night, but isn’t this the adult’s decision and not the child’s? She actually began removing her clothing in the middle of the night saying that she wanted to be ‘skin to skin’, and wanted to sleep naked (in underwear) like her father. The child displays behavior that is very unlike other 6 year olds I know. She has a total emotional breakdown if her father’s attention is taken away from her for even several seconds, to the point of crying. He seems to be giving her a very intense level of attention and physical contact that is more akin to a spouse than a little girl. Since I found out about the co-sleeping nightly, I suggested that it was probably time for her to sleep in her own bed, but he kept sleeping with her. They go on month-long trips alone together out of the country, without the ex/wife obviously, and co-sleep in hotels as well. For me it feels like the little girl’s physical boundaries are not being respected properly, and her behavior is showing that she is being groomed to act in sexual ways. Not to mention her emotional instability. I know of several times when she has expressed to him ‘stop touching me’ or ‘stop rubbing my leg’.
Another detail that could come into play – my ex engaged in sexual behavior with me at night once and told me he didn’t remember. So he was either dreaming, or lying, but that shows he does not have sexual control while he sleeps or he is, well – a liar. What if this behavior ever happened with his daughter?
So as you see, I don’t think he’s engaging her in sexual acts with her, but there is inappropriate contact. I want to protect this little girl, because I trust my gut instincts, and I have always felt off about what I’ve seen. Since she is 6, he will obviously have to help her dress and bathe to some extent, but most of the touching I have witnessed is more out of his own desire than anything a kid needs adult help with.
I’m quite happy to be without my ex, since he has officially creeped me out, and I wouldn’t say I’m heartbroken or even angry with him. But I just don’t think these actions are enough to report. Thoughts?
Added:
Mary
I would suggest you follow your gut instinct as tuff as this decision is. You are describing what is inappropriate behaviour with a young girl which from my experience and observation as a mum and grandmother with no extensive training especially dealing with the fallout on relationships as a result of sexual abuse.
I found myself in a situation that was very concerning as a grandmother and spoke to my daughter who now is claiming I didn’t make her feel it was serious enough.
My husband Playfully bathing with our 3 year old granddaughter on one weekend.She adored her grandfather and appeared to enjoy the event.
I spoke to my husband about my concern about what he was teaching our granddaughter about what was appropriate behaviour around males when her mum has new male live in partners often.
He totally ignored me and the next visit he showered with her than watched TV on the lounge with her naked.
He was certainly the favoured grandparent in my daughters eyes and I was experiencing heightened anxiety having been sexually abuse as a child.
I told my daughter Inlaw he had bathed with her and than the 2nd time I told my daughter who says she spoke with him requesting he not bath, shower or be naked around her daughter.
Unfortunately the defiance for me was the beginning of our relationship breakdown.
Our daughter began leaving her with her half sister 15 years older than her but on occasions when she wasn’t available she left her with her father who went into town to care for her. I became the grandmother who who was denied access.
Once we separated and her father moved into town our daughter left her daughter with her dad over a long period of time.
Recently our granddaughter whose now 15 spoke out about how her grandfather sexually abused her for a period of time from around age 7.
She has developed an eating disorder, extremely anxious and clingy.
There has now been charges laid and jail.
It’s never going to be easy and I know I was calm but specific discussing this with our daughter but I certainly overtime felt I was ostracised by our daughter plus she was overly close with her father which once we separated would have made it very difficult for our granddaughter to speak up.
He had several major tragic losses in his life and her certainly was showing signs of a special relationship with our granddaughter. He was sleeping naked with her in his bed and our daughter knew and never stopped it.
Little girls with regular contact who love their fathers, grandfathers, StepFathers need always to be watched for inappropriate behaviour. Talking to the children about appropriate and inappropriate touching in a an age appropriate caring way is vital.
I wish you well and i had my time over again I would have spoken to child protection as I feared I’d be ostriclcde as I was.
Added:
Jessica
My son is 4 years old, a month ago he told me his friend who’s my neighbor’s son put his penis in his his anus. i was utterly shocked. sometime when my son was 3 he had told his dad that this same child (who’s 11yrs old now) touched his penis but he didn’t mention it to me, and then he always accused everyone of touching his penis apparently we were teaching him about his body parts and when to scream if someone is touching him inappropriately, so i didn’t think much of the first accusation he made though i questioned the other child and he said he had never touched my son’s penis. but this second accusation was alarming and so we took him to hospital and the doctor said there was no penetration but after asking my son different manipulative questions his answer was still the same. but about a week ago my 4 year old son came to me and said “mummy Samuel did not put his penis in my bombom (anus) Samuel is a good boy” so i asked him why did he say that the boy put his penis in his anus in the first place? but he kept saying he’s sorry and he wouldn’t do that again I then asked him who told him to lie about it? he said it was his dad, but i asked him so many times after but his answer was not consistent what he kept saying though was that the other child had never touched his penis or put his penis in his anus. right now i’m so confused cos i don’t know what to think, i and his dad are separated and the dad has reported this case to the social workers and there are threats of the child likely to be withdrawn from me. Please i need advice.
Added:
Dana
I really need help. My granddaughter at 2 always said her butt hurt. She would bend over and point at her butt for no reason. She got a UTI. I a former CNA knew she had one from the smell. About 5 months after that her step dad got indecent exposure charges on him. Somehow they were changed to trespassing while my son was going for full custody. I don’t see my GC that often, now at age 3 her mom asked when was her dad curious of his privates. Not at 3. She said she was trying to insert a mermaid doll in her in the tub. Not normal! Then she says she has a UTI 4 days later. I offer to take her, but she hanged her mind but let her come to spend the night. We caught he cutting her baby dolls throat with a plastic knife and stabbing in the privates. She also scratched her in the privates saying she wanted to cut and hurt her. I asked did someone do that to her. She said yes. I said do you tell your Mom. She said Yes. What do I do? I told my son
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Dana,
I’m so sorry your granddaughter is going through this. And what a tough position you are in. You may be the only person in the situation that has all this information and the ability to process that information. Her mother may have clues, but it’s very difficult to believe that a man you love would hurt your child.
It would be ideal for you to take her to a pediatrician and tell them the story. Pediatricians are bound by law to call Child Protective Servies if they suspect abuse. The child’s mother may lash out at you if you take her to the doctor without her permission. This may leave you no choice and you may need to call CPS yourself. While calling seems extreme, it may be the only option you have.
I hope that helps.
Best, @MsGreene
Note: I am the co-founder of DrGreene.com, but I am not Dr. Greene and I am not a doctor. Please keep that in mind when reading my comments and replies.
Again, I’m so sorry.
Added:
Rylie A
Wow. Sexual abuse is a LOT worse than I thought. On a scale from 1 to 100 of how bad it was, I thought it was a 90. Now I KNOW it’s a 100!😨
Added:
Kelsey
So I have a 2 almost 3 year old nephew and him and I are extremely extremely close. My sister is the mom and his father has passed. sense his dads passing he stays with his dads parents and a bunch of other people who live there as well. The catch is my sister got into skittle trouble and the grandmother went for temporary guardian ship and was granted it. But my nephew has told me on multiple occasions he doesn’t like it there, there mean he has told me they’ve done things to him points to where and I reported it twice and because the found no physical evidence supporting my story they left him in there home and he s still there til this day. I know he is telling the truth I never doubted him for a second and I also no it’s more the one person in that house. Is there anything I can do to get him out of there even though they have guardianship at the moment?? Can I go file something to have him taken out of there? I need severe help with this. Please! Everytime I see him he’s more and more different and mad and angry.
Added:
Anonymus
So recently I see my dad touching my six-year-old sister inappropriately. Both my parents see it as a “game” but I’m really disturbed and worried about her. I don’t know if I’m being overdramatic because I love my sister or if I’m right. My dad is viewed as the nicest person and they both carry on the image of the best parents among our relatives,so I know they won’t believe me(cuz I’m not that close with them since I went to college). I’m totally alone and I don’t know if its my anxiety or something else,but I wanna report this if it continues. Any advice?
Added:
Cee C
Ok so my daughter age 4 is currently staying with her father until I get into a place.
She was potty trained at 2 and is now peeing her pants continually.
At one point she had towles me its becuse of big bird she is scared he will come out of the toilet so she stopped useing the bathroom.
I went to see her the other day and she went her pants
Now she always wants mom to change her pants and will throw fits but this time she was in tears and even said it hurts when he does it .
Now I tryed talking to his mom who said I better not thinking anything out of line but looking and what iv told you what would you think?
Added:
Nini
Hello, I am very worried about my five year old son. Me and his father are divorced and he seeing his father few days in week. We are separeted about two months. Problem is that my son when is very happy jump on me and immitating sexuall intercourse, and I saw that once again when he was on a toy horse. He has problems with language, cant speak very well. In kindergarten no one nothing said abot his strange behaviour. Everobody say that everything is just fine but at home I saw something different. He is very cheerful child, likes children and like to play but this is very strange to me. Love his father and seems that have good relationship with him, but I am very worried. Please help me. Thank you
Added:
Michelle
My son is 6 years old and recently told me that a friend of his who is 9 years old has been touching his privates. He pulled his pants down and touched him and kissed him there. This has happened on several playdates already. My 6 year old told him to stop, but he continued to do it. My other son who is 8 was also there – This boy asked him if he wanted to take down his pants and he said no. I spoke with the mother and she told me this boy was abused when he was younger. She brought him to the hospital the next day and the doctor told her that was just “typical boy behavior”. I was very angry because I don’t see this behavior as normal – I see it as molestation. Am I overreacting? This behavior is very disturbing to me and I don’t know what to do – Should I report it? He also plays with other children in the neighborhood and I am worried about them as well. I would appreciate any advice you can give on this situation.
Added:
Andreas Gruenes
I’ve been visiting your website a few times and decided to give you some positive feedback because I find it very useful. Well done.
Added:
Anon
So recently i had a memory come into mind that is very troubling… i remembered that when i was six my dad rubbed my private area with his fingers while i was sitting on the bathroom sink with my legs up totally exposed. I was thinking maybe i needed ointment there, but is it appropriate for my dad to be doing that when i could have most likely done it on my own. Not sure where my mom was at the time but for sure not around. I am also not sure if this was my only experience I blocked out most of my childhood and am very uncomfortable around him as a teen and around any older man. My grandfather also slapped my butt one time(12) and when i was younger(8-9) would say im coming in when i was showering as a joke and laugh all time time before and during a shower. I feel like i could have suppressed some bad memories which could explain my discomfort. i also feel very uncomfortable when my legs are open and feel aroused if my legs are open for too long in some situations. please help!
Added:
valerie
I need advice!
Last week my 5 year old daughter invited a friend from school to our house for a playdate. They were playing in the livingroom while I was preparing some snacks in the kitchen. Suddenly, when I went to the livingroom to check out on the girls, I found out that my daughter was very scared and told me that her friend asked her to pull down her pants and then licked her privates and forced her to repeat the same on her. After this I was very scared and ask my daughter`s friend if what she was saying was true, but she denied it.
After this incident my daughter has been normal, she thought it just was a strange game.
But im worried for the other girl, maybe she was been abused or has seen things she is not supposed to.
Yesterday I spoke to the mother and she denied that anything happened.
What should I do?
Added:
Dana R
You need to call and report this. This is NOT something a child woulld do if they had not seen or had done to themselves. PLEASE call and report. This child has no voice for herself. You may be the only one who knows anything may be wrong. If you disclose to her school they are mandated to call, but you can do a no name referrel to dcfs or cps.
Added:
Lucee L
Well I am 20 and when i was 14 my moms boyfriend [redacted] PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME SOME ADVICE!!!!😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Lucee,
I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. No 14 year old should be afraid of their mom’s boyfriend.
You should report this to the authorities.
@MsGreene
Note: I am the co-founder of DrGreene.com, but I am not Dr. Greene and I am not a doctor. Please keep that in mind when reading my comments and replies.
Added:
Shayla Blevins
In need of advice!! I have 4 kids, 8 year old boy, 7 year old girl, 1 year old boy and a 3 month old girl. My fiance and I recently moved into his parents while our house is getting remodeled. My fiance dad has picked a favorite. He stands up for my 7 year old daughter, goes out of his way to talk to her and so on. Now mind you, he has voiced more than once that he just can “handle” my oldest, and that he needs his butt whooped more, that he is disrespectful.. By now I have noticed and started voicing my concern to my fiance that I am starting to get uncomfortable with him around my daughter, something feels off, and I am not okay with the others being pushed to the side. Okay, then one day he just up and decides, while inside dealing with the two youngest, to take my 7 year old through the pasture on his tractor. He told my 8 year old that he will go with him next. So my 8 year comes in and tells me, and i go outside not liking the fact that permission was not asked and watch them, getting close so he knows that i am right there. And he after a little while brings her back and tells her that she cant go with him anymore because her “boney” butt, hurt his butt. That was the last straw with me, I had developed a very strong gut feeling that things were not right.Other moments; My fiance has went to work a few times, and I have caught his father coming down and staring at us. When confronted he said he was just “checking” on us. So we decided to keep the kids close, and set up cameras. On the camera in front of my 7 year old daughters bed, he was caught twice being downstairs in front of her bed; The first time it only shows him looking around her bed. The second time it showed him picking up a pair of her panties, making sure no one was around, smelling them a couple times and then putting them in the exact same place that they were to begin with. Now he was confronted on this matter also. His response to me asking why he smelt her panties, and what made him think that was okay. Was; “She was gassy, they smelt weird.” I then I stated that he wouldn’t have smelt anything if he hadn’t picked them up, and why?! His answer was, “I know I’m weird, I don’t know why i am the way i am.” That night I decided to go to the police, I was told that I couldn’t get a protection order because no criminal act had happened. They did however set a trial date, but said it may not go any further then that because while disturbing, and absolutely nasty its not illegal.
Mind you, my fiances mother and father are now split up, her words as to why, were because she doesn’t understand the way he is or why he does these things. She packed her things and left that night.
Now here is why I need advice; There has got to be something that can be done. My daughter is 7. She sees nothing wrong with this behavior. What if when they babysat my kids, something happened, beings that shes see nothing wrong here? What do I do? What can I do?
I have been doing so much research, trying to wrap my brain around it all. I mean someone my children grandpa… Someone they all see as safe… Someone she has trusted… Please help?!
Added:
Ellie Carmichael
Hi Shayla, I am currently studying for my PhD in child sexual abuse prevention. I myself was a victim of abuse and I have worked with many people who have also been sexually abused. I think your instinct is right here. As Dr Greene mentions above, the abuser is usually a family member or friend (over 90% of cases!), basically someone who can get the child to trust them. At first the child will most likely not recognise the abuse. And when they do know something is wrong they may be threatened by the abuser, things like ‘I’ll hurt your mum’, ‘I’ll hurt you’, your teddy, your siblings…etc. Abusers are sneaky and charming. They try and make excuses when they are caught and put the blame on others.
You are right not to trust him. The pantie sniffing would be the final line for me. I’m disgusted the police did not offer you further advice and I am so sorry you have had to deal with this on your own.
I’m not a doctor, so apologies if I have no place offering advice. My suggestion would be to get hold of some child sexual abuse prevention books. They are brilliant books which teach children about CSA prevention in age appropriate ways. Like Dr Greene mentions, teaching body part names is essential. These books also teach not to keep secrets which might cause them harm/make them feel uncomfortable, who to talk to, what is appropriate touch and what is inappropriate, etc. I personally feel every school should be teaching these skills and lessons, countless studies show how essential this information is for preventing abuse/preventing it from continuing.
I would also say don’t let him babysit. He is showing very clear signs of inappropriate behaviour and seems to have no regard for your feelings on this matter. They are your children and you have the right to decide who can look after them.
Lastly, I just want to wish you all the luck. It is an incredibly difficult situation he has put you in and I really hope you, and your children, are kept safe and your wishes respected. The fact that you are looking for help tells me that you all will be fine.
Added:
Jessica
I found my 3 year old boy playing with his private part in the shower so I yelled at him and told him not too.. he said rick touched my peepee (rick is my boyfriend) I wanted to pass out, I asked him again and he said yes then I asked him where? he said school but that’s a lie bc rick wouldn’t be at his school then he said house, couldn’t wrap my head around it so I asked him a couple more times and he switched up saying no he didn’t. An hour later I asked him again, real gently rubbing his face so he doesn’t get the impression I’m upset and I ask him who touched your peepee, and he said nobody. I told my bf and he blew up on me saying he’s hurt that how can I accuse him of such thing. My bf has treated my son like his own from the beginning. I honestly feel so lost and upset. Idk if I’m over thinking or my kid is lying but it’s driving me crazy. Idk what to believe. Help on how do go about this :/
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Jessica,
What a tough situation.
I’m guessing your son was surprised by your response. His initial accusation may or may not have been accurate. It may have been a “I’m in trouble, how do I get myself out of this?” response. When we ask the same question repeatedly, kids may change their stories because they think we’re looking for a specific answer. They want to please us. All this leaves you not knowing what to believe.
I’m not a doctor, but if I were in this situation I would find a local child psychologist that specializes in play therapy with preschoolers. These trained professionals engage kids in age-appropriate play with dolls or coloring and over time the unedited answer can come out. You can locate a therapist by calling your local children’s hospital and ask them for a recommendation for a therapist. I would, however, be very careful about revealing why you want this session. If authorities suspect your son is being abused by someone in the home, they may be required to get involved.
I hope that helps.
Best, @MsGreene
Note: I am the co-founder of DrGreene.com, but I am not Dr. Greene and I am not a doctor. Please keep that in mind when reading my comments and replies.
Added:
Hira
I am 24 years old, my father trying to close to me in a wrong way when i am 16 years old my father hug me so tightly, touch his penis with me, whenever i slept i felt that my blanket was removing and someone trying to touch my vagina or saw my vagina when i woke i saw that my father roaming me in very wrong way, when i press my dad legs or arms he said to me that “sat on my under legs ” and i told him that why i sat on your under legs he smiled and said nothing, I felt always uncomfortable with my dad whenever no one is in room he huge me and imply me when he was lonely in his room. I told all this situation to my mother she was discussed all things to dad but he refused and my mom said to me that i excuse to my dad. I thought that may be i am wrong but after months ago he was doing same things i told my dad don’t imply me when you are lonely and why you doing all these things no one real father doing these things with her daughter. He said to me if i fulfill his all needs then he will be fulfilled my all my desired which i want. I refused and said that if he does not changed her behavior i told to my mother. My mother can understand me and believe on me that i never told a lie.
One more things whenever i undress my clothes for washing he checked out or smelled my clothes specially my trouser i don’t why.
AND whenever my proposal came he behaved roughly and said to my mom this boy is not good or disputed at home whenever my talked about my proposal or marriage topic.
I don’t know what i do my mom also very worried she had not any other support i also have 2 sisters and one brother .
Kindly help me…..
Added:
john
this definitely sounds like abuse. Even if your mom disagrees she is wrong and in a state of denial. if you are in school you could tell this to a trusted adult. they should be able to help you navigate this. you could also call domestic abuse shelters. you can google them in your area to find one close to you. wish you the best, this is not your fault.
Added:
Tim
My 9yr old daughter just informed me that when her mother is away or sleeping her stepdad forced her to watch porn videos on his phone and when she knocked the phone away and said no he slapped her in the face and made her watch it,she was so scared she said she urinated in her pants,she has also told us that he makes comment asking her to suck his toes or nipple but I don’t know the context of the conversation, and calls her bad names and both mother and Stepfather smokes marijuana in the house and has even asked her to before and her mother and him claim its lies but there is to many details to not believe her and she goes back to them in 5 days as she is custodial parent and I only had her for a small portion of summer break.im scared to send her back, should I take her to the sheriffs office and report this? I don’t know what to do but I’m scared of whats next if I say nothing. PLEASE HELP.
Added:
Lori Rustin
Whether she is telling the truth or not, it’s a cry for help. Take her to the police. They can tell you who else should get involved.
Added:
Grama
My 7 year old granddaughter told me recently that mommy’s boyfriend comes into her room while mommy’s sleeping (she didn’t disclose that anything happened) however she has been quite withdrawn lately and complains of tummy aches all the time. Just a week ago she was rubbing herself, when asked what’s wrong she said it hurts and she doesn’t know how it happened. Should I be worried?
Added:
Stephanie
I would say that’s a sign of abuse. Get her to the doctor and therapist. I’m a survivor of child rape and molestation. I don’t remember it when it happened the first time, because I was only 8 months old. I don’t remember a lot of my early childhood until the age of five. I remember from then on but nothing before that.
My mom actually told me what that evil monster did to me a few years ago. I’m still trying to deal with it, I mean I knew something happened to me because he bit me on my face because I wouldn’t stop crying while he was having his way with me after he tried killing me to get rid of the evidence. Thank God my mom came home when she did because I wouldn’t be writing this right now, but she said that he tried drowning me in the waterbed and she couldn’t find me at first and then she did, but I was almost dead, black and blue, and had red dots all over me, and blood everywhere. So what I’m saying is trust your instincts, they’re usually never wrong. God gave um to us for a reason, listen to it.
Added:
Julie
My son and I informed the mother of my Grand daughter of what my Grand Daughter said and was doing, and she said we coerced her into saying that and that we are making up stories and withdrew any and all access to the child, she (the mother) recently told my son that my grand daughter was rushed to hospital because she couldn’t poop and was in pain. The dumb ass doctor didn’t check her , but sent her for an ultra sound instead.
Added:
Simplydone
So I got rid of my partner my daughter told me he was acting inappropriately towards her, my gut was screaming that he was paying too much attention in adult ways, And she was vacillating from hating him and liking him all along I suppose that was manipulation on his part, looking back he was obsessed with her comparing the size of her feet to mine, clothing size, once in while he would call her a little tramp, then he would turn around and act controlling and authorative to her when she was acting out by running away in the middle of the night and letting boys over, I was so confused by his actions, when she would sit in the car in the front seat he would play certain songs on the radio as if they were to her, and one time squeezed her thigh really hard calling it the claw, Knock on door when she is bathroom, when we were out to dinner one night eating japense food the three of us, he looks at me and says the oldest one should open the fortune cookie, he had called me grandma on two occasions as I am six years his senior, so I kicked him to the curb, finally what did it was my daughter saying Mom your boyfriend wants to date me, he has been putting his hands my back every where we go, you don’t see it? So that was it the last night we spent together I slept on the couch got up that morning and drove to a pkg lot, my daughter had ran to a friends house in the middle of the night, I was scared and confused, my partner found me and starting screaming at me, I was afraid of him as we had physical fights before, I called the police on him from my house got a no tresspass warrant on him, which he later that night broke, beat the crap out of me, I called cops again he was arrested, no contact order in place one year, I will never get to tell him what he already knows about himself, but my daughter is safe as I am too but we both have ptsd, I only hope nothing more to come.
Added:
Simplydone
Suspect abusive situation grooming behavior, my new partner wants all of my teen daughters attention when it’s just the three of us wants her to sit up front in the car, touches her lower back as she walks with us, takes extreme interest in her emotions and feelings and ignores mine most of the time, he has invited her to places that interest her without me asked to come along. He knocks on the bathroom door when she is in there sometimes it’s weird feelings I get she kind of mentioned something about him being creepy
Added:
Lori Rustin
This doesn’t sound good at all. Trust your instincts. It’s not worth risking your daughter’s welfare for him — besides, he’s not treating you well. Time to send him packing — IMHO.
Added:
liz mac
mt 33yr old daughter recently informed me t hat her decised father abused her wen she was 9. he passed away 2011. she gave me a note when she was 9 saying her dad raped her. I questioned her about it at the time and she denied it happened said she was just wrighting notes and nothing happened to her. now 24 vears later when hes not with us any more she is saying again it did happen I done nothing about it please help me I’m at my wittes end as she wont speak to me about it, she sais I swept it under the carpet wen she was a chil. I don’t know what to do.
Added:
tana shai neighbors
I know it’s hard to hear, but you did sweep it under the rug! I was also 9 when I told my mother in notes and she confronted him in front of me and I said he didn’t do it! Your daughter was afraid, I was afraid. You and my Mother were the adults that we counted on to protect us. With that being said I have forgiven my mother as I am sure she will forgive you in her on time. But until you take full responsibility for failing her and tell her how sorry you are, it’s not going to happen. Then the next thing you have to do is forgive yourself because as humans sometimes we fall short of what we are needed to be! I wish you the best and I hope you and your daughter work things out.
Added:
Charlotte
I don’t have a comment or anything I need some advice
I have been staying with my sister for two months now, I have heard and seen some wierd things. My four year old niece I’m worried about her, but I don’t know whether I’m over reacting and if I’m not I don’t now what to do to help.
My sister said to my niece if you don’t go to number 2 then your dad will have to still his fingers in and pull it out, to me this is wrong.
Also at night once he was reading a bedtime story to my niece which I saw from the room almost opposite and he was sitting in a dressing gown and rubbing his penis every time he was reading he only stopped when he had to turn the page. Now I know this is wrong.
Also he still has showers with his daughter.
Should I try and talk to my niece to find out if anything worse has happened. Or what
What do I do. I want to make sure my niece is safe from harm, I can’t remove her as I am currently living with my sister.
I’m leaving soon but I don’t want to leave if this is going on and something worse happens.
Added:
Amber Y.
I hope you see this message. DO NOT attempt to question your niece on your own. Many predators have walked due to inappropriate questioning techniques of a child. You need someone who is specially trained in forensic interviewing to talk to her-this is very important! You need to call your local Child Protective Services and file a report of abuse. These reports are anonymous. At some point, it may come out that it was you, just by process of elimination, so do be prepared for that and take the necessary steps to distance yourself from them and the home in the interim. But please, please make that call for the sake of your niece. The husband at the very least is abusing the daughter, or if it hasn’t happened yet, it soon will.
Added:
Jenn
Hi, this is my second marriage and we were very much in love and did a lot of great family things together. 10 yrs. He treated my 2 kids like they were his own. My husband has always been very accommodating to my son and bent over backwards extremely nice to his friends then my daughter had a baby girl. She’s 4 now . In April my husband was accused by his ex-wife’s 2 nieces of molesting them back in 2004. My husband and granddaughter were extremely close, and she would prefer to be with him instead of me sometimes. In July she said pop-pop put his finger in my kooka, and it hurt, she’s never shown fear or acting out in anyway.My daughter and I took her to the er no physical evidence and went thru all the child abuse stuff to follow. I’m separated from my husband but he’s still claiming his innocence and why would he hurt her, he loves her and just wants to be a family again. He is being brought on charges for the 2 nieces, in my heart I don’t want to believe he would do that but why would my granddaughter say that?? He paid $4000 for a polygraph also and came back inconclusive. HELP!!! I’m so torn I know in my head I can’t be with him but my heart is confused. Any suggestions.
Added:
J
Well obviously he’s claiming his innocence. Who would come out and say they’re a pedophile?? Sounds to me he definitely molested the nieces and your granddaughter and is an amazing liar. Perhaps taking the grand daughter to a child therapist would help?
Added:
Sue
When I was younger I was always seeking attention from the boys. Even into my teens years I would have crushes on my brothers friends easily. I acted out a bit by stealing things like candy bars and bracelets. At some point before or just after I got married I remembered that I would always seek my boy cousin’s attention. At one point he had me perform oral on him. I’m guessing I was around eleven or so I think he was in college. Soon after that I had a flash of remembering that I was at a neighbors house… a flash vision of his erected genitals. Just then my brother came to get me for dinner and said he saw me pulling up my pants. I don’t know if anything happened. Now years later I find myself wanting to face what happened to me all those years ago but, then again I don’t.
Added:
J
So incredibly sad that occurred to you. Shame on your brother. The worst of all is that he gets to live his nice life and you get a trauma filled one. There are too many little girls out there getting abused by the men in their lives. Sickening
Added:
Colleen
Why shame on her brother?
Added:
Sonia
It was first her cousin and then the neighbor. The brother went and got her from her neighbor and told her what he saw. He did nothing to her.
Added:
Julia
Dr. Greene, I had my nine year old in the bath tub and he brought Barney with him. He has DS. I went down the hall to fetch a towel and when I came through the doorway I stopped for my son had Barneys mouth on his penis, the he turned him over on his stomach an took his thumbs down by his butt and mounted him. He then hit Barney hard a couple of times and threw him. I have been balling all night thinking that was my son was re-enacting what some one has done to him. He won’t and doesn’t really say anything. I am just paralyzed andsad. My son hasn’t been sleeping right and the hugs and loving i give him is different. He says hes scared and walks around the house with his hand on his eyes. I’m reporting this to CPS and seeing a doctor on Monday. Their father and I aren’t together. They are with me two weeks then he gets them for a week. I date a gentleman in Florida who I travel to see. NO man is in my home. How would I know if his dad is doing it? Please help me
Added:
J
Perhaps your son was reenacting porn he has seen before? He’s 9 years old, it isn’t that far fetched. A lot of men report starting to watch porn around that age… Just a thought and best of luck.
Added:
Shemika
My 6 year old daughter recently told me that while she was at her dads house someone another child touched all over her and her privates. I told her dad and he doesn’t believe me. When she went there he said she was wetting the bed and when she came home she was wetting the bed and I wondered why. So the other day after she came from chuck e cheese her and nephew was playing he came to me and said auntie your daughter said a curse word so I’m like what she say now he’s not a kid that curses so he like she said the s word so I asked him did she say shot, he said no and said that she sad sex and was spelling it. I asked her what sex was and she said when two people hump and stop them hump and stop again. I asked her how she know she told me the same person that touched her told her that and that she didn’t want him touching her. I asked her why she haven’t been told me this and she said because they told her I wouldn’t want her. What do I do when my daughter is scared to tell these same things to her dad and he thinks I’m making this up. But I’m.not my baby broke down screaming and crying over this and she doesn’t want to go back to her dads house. And he doesn’t seem to believe her nor does his girlfriend
Added:
J
Report this ASAP. Her POS father is useless and I beg you to not just sit and do anything about this. However young she is, she will definitely always remember this and will resent you if you do nothing to protect her. Report to police.
Added:
Jennifer Hill
My 6yr old daughter started school because of her late birthday aug. 2016. The day after thanksgiving my daughter came home from school with several handprints on her butt and bruises went to school theh denied everything said nothing happened. Asked my daughter she said nothing called the cops they talked to her she said nothing. Then right before school Christmas break was pajama day. Teacher called around 1 to tell me my daughter had tripped with 2 little boys at lunch and one got up and smacked her ass. My daughter came home with blood on her underwear that day. School knows nothing cops have done nothing. Took her to hospital and tell nurses she has started wetting the bed and #2 on herself she wanted to be potty trained and was by a yr and a half. The nurse tells me that kids regress all the time but i dont believe that she has never had any problems. When we asked a couple week’s later she said it was a secret she has talked to kid psychologist through police. The police took her underwear to test for blood that was almost 2 months ago.
Added:
Beth
!.Please Take your child out of that school today!
2.Call the police chief everyday at a different time and ask for the results of the lab tests on your daughter’s underwear.
3.Hire an attorney who specializes in education law in your city. (Your daughter’s civil rights have been violated)
***As I’m sure you know your baby needs tons of reassurance and loving care and patience that this will not happen again. Make sure she knows that you believe her no matter what happened and when she tells you, keep as calm as possible and don’t get angry or lose your composure. She needs to know that Mommy can handle this and can take this horrific burden off her shoulders because she is in trauma still, and her school environment is UNSAFE and TOXIC.**
Added:
Beth
Also, please get her to an experienced child psychologist now. You and your daughter will need help processing what has happened. God bless!
Added:
Lynzie
My 4 year old baby girl told me the clown and bad doctor touched her private and hurt her she said she was scared and she had to play secrets and keep secrets bc she would never see me again they said and they would hurt her worse. She said the clown was at my husbands moms house. And the Bad Doctor hurt her with his tools that looks like lollipops and they were different colors like lollipops. I brought her to her dr she has a UTI and something with her white blood cell levels in her urine and he said he wasn’t telling me she was but a lot of times when u see the levels like that it’s caused bc sexual contact. I went to the police department directly after and filed
a complaint. They referred her to Heart Of Hope. We went Wednesday and they did the interview with her but she said my husband and his father are the ones who touched her. But when asked to explain she would give random weird answers that didn’t make sense. Like he touched her private with a stick and when asked where did he get the stick she said the forest. The that his dad videoed her with no clothes and when asked what the camera looked like she said an elephant. They referred us to a therapist which I am calling to get appointment today. I am sickened I pray nothing has happened but why or how would my 4 year old daughter make this up. And i know I shouldn’t convict someone in my eyes until we get everything from therapists but I am not going to take anyone word over my daughter I will believe her until the end. Also the night she told me about someone touching her private she asked me to go play in her room and this is what happened. She took clothes off her babydoll to put it to bed so I put my babydoll laying next to hers. She said no mommy U have to take its clothes off. So I did but left the little diaper on it. Well she said no mommy the undies too. When I asked why her babies were sleeping with no clothes she like got scared and started crying and said she didn’t want to play anymore. Well a hour or so later she asked my to go make a secret hide out with blankets in her room and we needed pillows and snacks and the pillows were so no one could see inside and she handed me a blanket she called the adult blanket to put inside the secret hide out. Someone please help me. This is my only child my angel.
Added:
Patti
I am in no way a trained professional but I am a mother of 4 little kids myself and I can say that there is something not right there, and by the way you sound you as her mother know that something isn’t right. You did the right thing by calling the police and getting involved with the medical field. If I were in your shoes I would try to talk to your local county public health facility in hopes that they can help you go through the motions you need to in order to get some answers and well as getting counseling for yourself, no matter what happens even just the thought of someone hurting your child and you not being able to protect them causes lots of fear, anxiety, depression etc. Stick to your instincts, if you think that she is unsafe being with certain individuals then hopefully your county office can help to legally making it happen where she will never have to see them again. I think it would also be beneficial if you went to your local library, or online and get some books about private areas and what is allowed and what is not allowed, I did that with my kids when they were 3 years old and if anything it helped me so I was able to talk to them about uncomfortable subjects.
Good luck and remember there are places and people who can help you, just keep trying!
Added:
J
I am so happy you are doing everything you can to help your daughter. TOO many times parents dismiss their children when they come to them for help. You are correct, there’s no reason for her to lie. I believe an innocent child’s word over any adult. Always. Best of luck to you and your little one.
Added:
Jessica Garcia
Ok so just now my daughter was playing with her doll. When I sat up, I caught her licking her dolls private area. She’s only 1 & 1/2, when I try to clean her vagina when wiping her she tries to close her legs or she gets squirmy like if it hurts. I thought nothing of that part because when she was 5 or 6 months she had a cathedar put in her and it made her bleed and I think basically traumatized her because they were having a hard time putting it in. I’m always with her though and her father works third shift and sleeps all day basically. The only time she wasn’t with me was one day with her grandpa from her dads side and one night with my mom and her boyfriend within the same week. Should I be worried? Im just curious of how she would know that you lick a private area??
Added:
Beth
Hello Jessica,
As a mom of 4 and grandma to 3, I can say that it is not normal. Trust your mothering instincts because that’s why we have them. Yes, you should be worried.
Added:
Younging
Hello! A young mother of two (boy and girl) and was molested during early elementary years so it’s obvious I’m very protective over my babies. To keep it short my daughter has been displaying sexual behavior since about 13 months by touching herself which I was told was normal. I’ve always been a little weary of my step father since my daughter was able to walk because of the way he says things. Just recently he seen her as I was bathing her and said “you look so cute.” She was in the tub and her hair was hanging wet (being washed). I was 9 months pregnant with my son so idk if I took it the wrong way or……. after I had my son she started peeing and pooing on herself, wetting the bed EVERYTHING. Obviously I thought it was bc she needed the attention bc of the new baby and blah blah blah but it went on until he turned 4 months and me and my boa and both kids moved into our own apartment. She had maybe one or two accidents then it all the behavior and regression stopped. Now me and the kids have moved back in for about a month now and she has started the behavior again by dancing with her tongue out and her butt in the air and I caught her on top of the baby basically humping him… unfortunately tonight I wiped her butt after her bowel movement and 30 seconds later I catch her in her secret hiding place in empty cabinets with her pants and drawers down where she keeps her toys I’m not sure if she was sticking anything in her genitalia….both my mom and him were in the kitchen when I found her and he said “u gotta watch who’s she’s around”. He is a know liar…she’s been potty trained since 15 months old. She’s VERY VERY aggressive towards my stepfather and he barely EVER SCOLDS HER! She hits, kicks, bites him but will also ask about him or for him occasionally. He also gets upset when she asks for grandma and not papa or when she doesn’t say hi to him. Please give me feedback, I’m going to call her Peds. to see where I can take her to get examined. I’ve had this feeling to long… she’s only 2 and this is breaking my heart. She also seems like she knows when she’s wrong bc she’ll stop by the look in my eyes and when I ask what she’s doing she’ll act like she doesn’t know. I love my baby. I can’t let this happen to her too.
Added:
Dd
Most trauma counseling services are income based and if the child was sexually abused, they will disclose the abuse to the counselor.
Added:
Lil
My mind has been in turmoil the last couple of weeks and hope someone can give me insight please to a situation. I would like to start off with the event that sent me in to panic, my 7 year old daughter was sleeping inbetween my husband and I one night and I woke up with the bed wiggling, I turned to find my husband masturbating my daughter! He seemed fast asleep, I grabbed his hand and asked him if he realized it was our daughter, he muffled- no, and went back to sleep. I naturally grabbed her and went to sleep on the couch, I tried to speak to her and find out if she was aware of what was going on, bit she was very sleepy and just went back to sleep. I confronted him that morning and he seemed shocked and traumatized! He said he would never do anything to hurt our children . He told me he couldn’t trust himself and suggested to sleep in another room until he can find a solution to what happended and why! Now many things happened in the past that has me worried, my husband watched porn while my eldest daughter was only three sitting in her pram next to him. He has been successfully healed of his porn addiction for many years now. He also masturbates in his sleep, has insomnia and restless legs. He has also reached for my eldest daughter once while she crept in one night in our bed and when I tried to stop him, he told me to relax! I naturally flipped out, he is or seems fast asleep. Thus I never mentioned anything, afraid I would wreck him. He also masturbates me in his sleep, this happens often, once to twice a week. I sleep with a pillow between us because I don’t like it, I feel molested. (Being molested as a child myself) Again he is or seems fast asleep while doing this. He has been very frustrated with me in the past if i turned him down in having sex, being late and I am tired. He works at night and I am stuck looking after kids day and night. He got violent and banged the cupboard door once and told me this is the reason men fantasize over other women and cheat. I don’t like being bullied into having sex, and it is not like he never gets it either. We have an ok sex life , he however is very sexual and his needs are high!
He is now aware of his actions, past and present and this has driven our relationship to a critical point. I can’t sleep, worrying about my kids. If he is unaware of this, has it happened before, has he done this to my daughters before or more than once and they don’t know what to say or speak out…. You can imagine that my head is running away with me!!!! It seems my daugter has no recollection of what happened that night and they have a good relationship. Is he sick, or has he got some sleeping disorder or what? I am about to ask him to leave the house, just so I can sleep and get my daughter to a play therapist and get some help myslef just to put things in perspective! I will never allow this to happen again.
I love my husband, he is a God fearing man with a gentle nature, I just don’t know what to make of this. He is willing to go for therapy and get answers and treatment, but is the damage done already??
I need insight, please help!!!
Added:
sade
Hello,
First of all I want to say my heart goes out to you for having to deal with the fact that the father of your child and man you love has done questionable things. In my honest opinion, I believe he is hiding behind religion and his sleeping disorder to get away with his pedophilia. In most religious associations there are people who use kindness and generosity to get l gain trust and prey I your children with their excuse being that they are God fearing.
Added:
Candy R
Lil, Instincts are always right. I would recommend therapy for both children and yourself. Before something terrible might happen. This is quite serious. His excuse for sleeping while he does this is a copout. He’s a grown man with a huge problem. Save your children from a lifetime of scars.
Added:
Dd
He isn’t asleep, he is abusing you and your daughter. Don’t believe him, get help now!
Added:
Samantha
I know this must be hard for you, but you need to get your kids away from him. Whether or not he is aware, it can and will cause trauma for them. Considering that he was watching porn while he was awake it does not look good.
Added:
lili
get your kids out. He’s a selfish pedophile who wants to rape your daughters. Your strong and can escape with them. He will try to keep u with him by either being really nice and apologizing (pretending to change) or he will get mean and abusive. Either way he is a bad man and you have to protect your babies.
Added:
J
“God fearing man” …. Yup. He’s a pedo
Added:
Michelle
Ok. So someone please tell,me and explain if your child is bathing their private and says oh yes that’s the way. Oooo that feels so good at the age of 4 and then proceeds to tell you her dad has touched her and shows u where and then says she was threatened and u make a call to dhr and you go to the child advocacy center but shes too scared to talk….and then the investigating officer tells the mother..are you sure your not making this up because it happened to you and they are suppose to investigate but don’t and dismiss case…what do you do and then you have ur child in counseling and a month later they talk to him and then the officer and worker come to,ur house….the officer says case closed which they did a month earlier and says to the mother you are lying and you are teaching your daughter to lie and he,is asked to leave….while case worker is talking to my daughter gets up and says she has to leave cause that’s her ride….what do you do. I have her in counseling but she is scared to talk to anyone but me and then she acts out cuz she doesn’t want to talk or think about it. Someone please help me to help her. This was not properly handled and I don’t know how to help her.
Added:
Elizabeth
You should try recording her on your phone.
Added:
Estrella
Get her talking about it on video.
Added:
Beth
Hire an experienced attorney now! File suit against the police dept for violating your daughter’s civil rights. Don’t keep talking to your daughter about what happened but leave that to the therapist who who may (depending on your state laws) record your daughter’s answers. Good luck.
Added:
Concerned mom
Opinion. My son is almost 6 and for the last year/year and a half he has been struggling with hyperactivity, impulse control, listening, sleeping alone, ect. Over the last year he has also had issues with “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours” games..at school. It happened a handful of times. On and off. Sometimes there were months in between. He almost got kicked out of pre k over it. Now hes in kindergarten n it was another few good months then he looked at another boy, pointed, & laughed. He says the boy did it first (I dont buy it due to his past history). Then at Thanksgiving he asked my niece who is almost 5. She told her mom 2 days later n I got the phone call. So I sat him down and started asking more. He knows its not okay, but continues.
In my questioning I asked about family on his dads side and found out that it also happened with his cousin who is almost 7..but he was bribed with candy by this cousin’s older sister who was about 12. She instructed each other to “show & touch” and it happened more than once he said. She supposedly got caught asking n grounded, but i was never informed. What course of action would you take on this?
He has a therapist, works with the school social worker and psychologist and im currently trying to get an iep for hyperactivity. Around the time he got hyperactive i thought it was need for attention b/c dad was doing heroin n visitation stopped n stuff was all over the place for a bit..but it hasn’t gotten better and i need to do whatever is necessary including reporting it in the proper way if it would help or is it necessary?
Added:
Tausha
I’m experiencing something similar have caught my 6 yo son trying to touch my 3 yo daughter several times we have done canceling scaLded him. He knows he is wrong how do i make this stop I worry for the safety of my young daughter.
Added:
J
My 2 year old daughter has started to rub on her area on top of her pull up before she goes to sleep or she will put the covers in between her legs and move her legs back and forth. I am worried my mom’s husband has molested her. My mom and him sleep in separate rooms and my daughter will go play with him. She really does love him but… They appear to have a good time but sometimes the door is closed…..what should I do?
Added:
Reenah
What! Open the door! You should NEVER let a man be alone with your daughter no matter who he is!
Added:
Ms. Farrow
My 19 year old daughter is extreamly angry with her father we divorcedwhen she was 5. I caught my husband trying to get in her diaper and when she was 5 she came back from her dad and was screaming in pain from washing her vagina. I looked at it and it was red. Both times I sought medical and professional assistance. The first time there was inconclusive evidence and CPS told us not to break our family. She was two. When she was 5 there was a huge medical team brought in. They did all these things to comfort her. They gave her a stuffed animal. There was evidence but not conclusive. Shes 19 now .She cuts. Not alot. She’s abusive to her boyfriend. She’s been opening up to me lately and she finds inappropriate material on her phone and sees inappropriate things going on in his apartment. Recently there was an argument. She told him he has no respect for women (true that’s why we are divorced and he abused me) But this time he chocked her because she spit on his car window. I asked her why she was so angry. ONE of the reason was he forced her to “cover” for him with his new wife and his girlfriend, starting when she was 9 until now. He’s not married anymore but he is seeing several women. It made me think of some of his strange sexual practices. Then I remembered the thins that happened to her when she was 2 and 5. Did she suppress this and is this help fueling her enormous amount of anger and all of her emotional regulation issues and pot use? I know this man. It’s possible. All my research supports my theory. How do I move forward with out blowing up my family. Their father will deny EVERYTHING. If my daughter remembers or doesn’t it will destroy her. I’m dealing with this on my own and I’m having a difficult time. Please help us. Please help me help my daughter, my family. I feel this in my gut. I don’t know what to do. A professional response is wanted but any type of support is desperately needed.
Added:
J
Sounds to me she definitely got abused. Especially when you said her private part was red and she was screaming in pain. Such obvious sexual assault. No matter how young you think a child may be, they remember the types of things because it changes their lives. Her anger/cutting and everything you describe is her coping mechanism. She needs to see a therapist asap
Added:
Ashley
Ok so I’ve been with my boy friend for 4 years I have to girls ages 5 and 7 the other night after dinner the girls where watching a movie on are bed while I cleaned up after dinner the girls fall asleep and so does my boy friend after I get done I move the girls to ther bed and get up the next bay normal and after dropping my 7 year old of my 5 year old says daddy touched me pee pee I said what she said daddy went down my pants and touched her pee and wiggled his fingers I told her ok and I love her for being big girl and telling me I ask my boy friend he says no I did not do it I would never hurt my baby then he says yes it happens it was an accident that he thought it was me that he was scared to tell me no way cAuse he never does that to me I made him leave
Added:
Simon
You have a duty to tell the authorities since the girl is a minor. You are legally required to report it since you know the truth
Added:
Angie
I agree. By reporting it you could save some other kids from having horrible things done to them
Added:
J
Report to police asap. He will continue to this I guarantee it. And you’re enabling him by not pressing charges. Protect your daughter because of you don’t, they will grow up to resent you.
Added:
zoe
my niece is 5years old and lives with a close family friend and her auntie and her my sister (her mum) is worried because the family friend aid that my niece is starting to bleed from her vagina more than once, but when they mum asks to see her. the family’s friend keeps coming up with reasons she can not see hear and normally she is really chatty but out friend said she is not talking to no one and I am confused because they wont let us see her but they keep telling us that she is bleeding, but she lives with a sister who is 8 and a brother who is 15 but he has autism and I don’t wanna blame him but I think maybe he had a funny turn. can someone help me what to do I don’t know what to do.
Added:
Beth
You must call the police and report this. I do believe you already know this. Please do the right thing.
Added:
J
Ok my fiancés daughter told her aunt that she’s seen daddy’s penis her aunt asked her how she saw it and she said he pees with me in the bathroom which struck me as really odd. She was 6 then she confronted him about and he laughed and said she was over reacting. It’s been a few months she just turned 7 and we just found out that her her brother who is 5 and there soon to be step sister 8 are taking baths together. and daddy stays in there with them and washes there hair. I feel this is completely inappropriate and disgusting I asked my parents and they agree please help us!
Added:
Beth
I have no problem with anything in your statement. However, time will help you out soon enough because the 8 year old step-sister will not want to bath with anyone else much longer. As far as the peeing, the father could probably be asked to be more discreet in his bathroom choices, but urinating in the toilet in front of your kids is not a crime or abusive. Just as mommies show their daughters typically female facts of life (yes, i’m generalizing), daddies often demonstrate to their sons how to pee standing up. Since your fiance is “mommy and daddy” in his home, it stands to reason that there have been fewer gender specific roles. Open communication would no doubt be beneficial to all parties. Blessings.
Added:
Daddy K
My daughter will turn three years old next week. She has recently started saying that her daycare provider ( a strict 70 year old that seems to have her ducks in a row ) has been “putting her fingers in her pee pee”. Our little one has been known to fib and the daycare lady was the one that actually brought the statement up and denied it vehemently. Should we be worried? Hard to tell exactly what is prompting these statements.
Concerned Daddy
Added:
Drew
What concerns me is how a three year old could just make that up. That’s not “daddy said yes” if mommy said no type of lie. That’s a descriptive statement and no way she would have the words to say that unless it’s happened to her I’d think
Added:
Evelyn
My grandson told me his auntie likes nasty penises, and that she licks his, he is four, he also was potty trained now he’s pooping his pants and when I take him home he does not want to be left with his aunt, and he never wants to go home, she is fufteen
Added:
Drew
Nope nope nope. She knows better. That is very serious!! Keep your kid away
Added:
Refilwe
Hi, my brothers daughter recently started to poo on herself, she wouldn’t even notice, she is 7years old. When my brother is out of town, his wife’s young brothers stays at my brothers house if his out of town, at work. The other young brother sleeps with my brother’s daughter in bed and he even pee on bed. Should I be worried? please help
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Refilwe,
Whether or not anything is going on, it’s not wise for a boy going through puberty to sleep with a girl.
While there’s nothing you can do to make this change, consider discussing this with your brother. He can.
Best,
@MsGreene
Added:
Boles
My 3y so. Told me his dad’s gf rubbed her peeper on my 1y daughters while they were naked. He said she had blue pubic hair. He says he told his dad who denies it and my son told him no I told you while you were on the couch. My daughter says dad and gf ouchie and points to her pee while grimacing. She has totally stopped potty training and wants to nurse as soon as she returns from her dads but has been weaned for 2m. She is almost 2. What do I do I believe him since he stood up to his dad. Now dad calls and tries to make him change his story… gaslighting him.
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Boles,
These situations are so tough and you may never know for sure. But a wise next step is to find a therapist that uses play and art to get children to open up. The good ones help children feel at ease and they share things honestly that they are not comfortable sharing with parents.
To find a therapist, contact the nearest children’s hospital and ask them for a referral.
Best,
@MsGreene
Added:
Jen Morris
My 14 year old had recorded his 12 year old sister because some kid at school says its cool what should I do
Added:
Drew
Hey him in therapy and ur daughter as well. Get yourself one too, maybe.
Added:
Drew
And tell the friends parents
Added:
Sam
Can someone please help me?! My ex and his wife are trying to win a custody battle! They claim that my 3 year old told them that my fiancé was hurting her privates. DCS and cops did an investigation and a forensic interview and my daughter never disclosed of sexual abuse. My fiancé agreed to a lie detector test and failed it! He went back and passed 2 more. we broke up due to this but I’m still struggling to know the truth! They have done multiple examines on my daughter and they have all came back normal. she even told me herself that nothing happened and that he never hurt her. She asks about him all the time and says she misses him and wants to see him. If he did this wouldn’t she be scared of him? My ex and his wife have temp custody of my daughter and I only get supervised visits because they said she told them that I beat her for telling and that I knew what was going on! That’s a LIE! Idk what to believe because they come up with different lies every other week! Please give me advice!
Added:
sade
Dump the fiance or give up custody. Don’t put her in harm’s way.
Added:
Lee
Hi,
I am not sure what to do, my boyfriend has a little girl she is going to turn three in two months and though her daycare is encouraging using pull ups and potting training, as am I, he keeps insisting on changing her on a baby changing table and sometimes is in the room changing her for over ten minutes with the door shut. One time it was really silent and then out of no where I heard her scream out, and worried I kind of made up an reason to enter the room and she was till on the changing table being changed and she was pretty upset at that point screaming trying to get down….I thought that was so weird and I keep having a really bad feeling about the situation. I got fed up and moved the changing table out of her room cause she was also climbing up on it often saying daddy I am ready for you to change my diaper even when it wasn’t wet or anything, and I was worried she would fall off and again the behavior seemed really weird. I have tried nicely telling her to not let her daddy keep changing her up there she is too big for it, taking on a more casual approach only because if he isn’t harming her, I don’t want to freak her out or totally offend him. He is much older than me by twelve years and I know he often says when we are intimate that I look underaged and this just adds to my worry for her safety. I try to come up with reasons to go in when he has shut the door to change her, and it is also weird that when I would walk away he would shut the door again…why would you do that? I also notice since I moved the table out of her room he keeps using it in the living room and I caught him last night using it and he had her legs up over her head to change her and clean her and again I made a point to come in the room hoping he would get done quicker, he also said once when changing her and I had come in the room that he was sorry but he had to get up in there ( meaning inside part of her vagina ) to make sure there was no stuff left from going poop, again I am pretty used to working with young kids and that is something I was always told you didn’t do….you just wipe the outside from front to back with girls…again I am so concerned and my gentle approach and advise that we need to be in line with encouraging potty training like her daycare has not been working. He has her and her four year old brother half the time and the other half is with their mom….I am scared for the girl and my only other option is to go to their mom and mention this, but if she totally doesn’t receive it well or tells him I have crushed the relationship and also given the little girl no chance at getting help…I would want someone to tell me if it was my kid, but again it would I think be the end of this relationship and I could be wrong on what I am thinking is happening, I think nothing crazy serious has happened yet, but I am questioning more and more if he won’t eventually totally do the wrong thing besides just touching her maybe to much during diaper changes. Once he went in her room when she was asleep and he said he went in to check on her, he didn’t know I was awake that night when he got up, and he went in her room when she was sound asleep no sounds coming from her room at all, he was in there probably two minutes, but way long enough to know she was fine, and I heard again out of no where her scream like mad…when I came in he was totally naked which he does a lot, but what got me worried was he was leaning over her in such a way that his penis was literally almost in her face and she was screaming he said he was just checking on her, but I knew she had been fine before he came in, it took thirty minutes of her screaming like mad before she would then calm down. I told him he needs to stop being naked around her that she doesn’t need to think it is okay if a man walks in on her naked in case it happens from someone else…but really I meant to protect her from him too. That was the other event that has been haunting me…he is a great guy, but I don’t know something doesn’t feel right, but it isn’t my kid so what do I do?? Sorry it is a long comment I don’t know what to do!
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Lee,
It sounds like you are in a tough position and this relationship is at risk. It sounds like you don’t want to talk to him for fear of his reaction, but relationships are built on open communication. It possible to say that you are concerned and you want to discuss a few things. It’s okay to tell him you are uncomfortable with his actions, even if they are harmless and ask him to make specific changes. How he responds will tell you a lot.
Going directly to his ex, without talking to him is the nuclear option. It may be easier to talk to her than to him, but it is much more drastic.
I hope that’s helpful,
@MsGreene
Added:
Mimi
Please do something. This man bad. That poor baby!!! Hod put you there to help. Tell the authorities. DFS. For sure tell the mom. I will pray for you to have the strength. After, leave him!!!
Added:
Brooke
You need to forget the relationship and tell the authorities everything you know without mentioning it it him and maybe install a nanny cam in her room in a teddy bear or something. It is our job as adults to protect any child we think is at risk and going by everything you have said, this man shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near children. Call authorities asap. Talk to them before the mother.
Added:
Angelee Steward
YOU KNOW THE TRUTH BY THE WAY IT FEELS!!! I wouldn’t even let him know that your suspecting him. If he is acting shady with her that often then it shouldn’t be too hard to catch him in the act, and that is exactly what you should do. Reading your reasons of why you suspect him seems pretty rational to me and that you are not crazy! I’m not sure if this is a new relationship and you’ve already noticed these things or if it’s been ongoing for while. Regardless you know something is off and if it is the worst you are allowing that little girl to continue getting abused, meanwhile why you are putting yourself at risk with a creep! Do something about it and catch him in the act because accusing ain’t going to do anything cause he surely ain’t going to admit to it! Telling the mother without proof will only cause an uproar without evidence. I believe you can catch him in the act, trust what your feeling cause none of that is normal at all and I can’t figure out how you haven’t came to terms with that yet! Good luck and bless that child.
Added:
Lee
I ended up having to get out of that relationship. Even after daycare said she was ready for potty training and panties he kept changing her with her but way up in the air and her legs behind her head on the changing table even she. She would say no I don’t want to get up there no, he is either a perve or serverly encapable of helping a child grow naturally and emotionally like he would rather just keep them both in diapers even the four year old was in them when I got there less than a year ago, feels like he uses force to control them instead of helping them grow. I’m glad I am out cause he tried controlling me and getting really violent when I wouldn’t feel up to sex.. I feel sorry for the kids because they can’t leave and their mom has her head in the sand clearly she should know how he is she lived with him for so long!
Added:
Concerned mom
I hope you alert authorities on your suspicions. She has no voice and at this point, since the relationship has ended, you have nothing to fear from him. Give her a chance.
Added:
Sad Mommy
Have you contacted authorities about your concerns/facts you have shared about him in your first post on here? When I read it my heart sank into my stomach. The things you have described about him sound very suspicious and raise many red flags in my opinion. I do NOT think it’s normal for a man to be casually naked around his toddler like that. I have two daughters, 2 and 4 and my husband wouldn’t be caught dead walking around naked around them, let alone checking on them in the middle of the night without clothes on and dangling his genitals around their face. That’s just plain sick if you ask me… and it’s definitely strange that he was still changing his 3y old little girl on a changing table and shutting the door while being in there for long periods of time while changing her. I don’t even think my 2y old would be able to comfortably lay on a changing table at this point due to her size and height. So yes, it is odd of him to still be changing her on a changing table at 3y imo.
Your intuition is what led you to post your concerns on here about him. You knew deep down something didn’t feel right about him when it comes to his relationship with his daughter, and sadly you could very well be right.
I realize you are no longer in a relationship with him, and sounds like for good reason. He sounds nuts!
I just please urge you to contact authorities about this if you already haven’t. I can’t stand to know that he could be abusing his little innocent baby. From what you have said, it seems very likely.
She needs a voice to speak out for her and I hope that you can be the one to do that, because something like that could ruin her precious little spirit for the rest of her life. I am dealing with a nightmare situation right now regarding my two little girls.
I had my suspicions about their grandpa being a threat to them at certain times, because the feeling in my gut told me something was just not right, but I didn’t want to believe he was that way and wrote it off as being paranoid. Also, he is my husband’s father, and my husband has always thought very highly of him, looked up to him and he has never given him any reason to believe he couldn’t trust him in any way. I also never wanted to accuse an innocent man of sexually abusing my children if he had not done so- I am a victim of sexual abuse, it happened to me at age 3y by my uncle over a period of time. He was a person I should have been able to trust, but he ruined me in many ways. It traumatized me for life and I’ll never be able to get that part of myself back. It has taken years of therapy to feel like I can live normally.
So, naturally I have always been paranoid about someone sexually abusing our girls because of what happened to me. We have never had a real baby sitter for our girls other than my husband’s parents because of my fears of this possibly happening.
Three days ago my daughter told me that grandpa had touched her vagina and put his fingers in there, and said she saw him do the same thing to her little sister while their “Nana was at the gym running”. She told me “he did this… then this” while making a rubbing motion, then a repeated pointing motion toward her vagina. She then gave us many more descriptive details of his disgusting acts and behavior that I will not share. She is 4. There is absolutely no way for her to make this up. Toddlers don’t make these things up, people! If your child tells you someone has touched them inappropriately on their private parts, please, believe them and report it! They aren’t capable of making up such things.
I have been SICK!!!! Our world has been turned upside down around here… and I can’t help to think that my babies will have to live with this pain and trauma for the rest of their lives!! It’s truly devastating.
I am so sad for them and so sick about it. I can’t even imagine the horror they went through or even how long this has been going on! I feel like killing him. … So, PLEASE…. if you ever feel like maybe you are just being paranoid over someone sexually abusing a child… PLEASE consider that your paranoia is probably your gut feeling telling you something TRULY isn’t right.
One of my worst nightmares has happened to my babies, and I can’t help but feel like I have let them down. There’s no getting that back.
My husband and I have contacted the police and have filed reports about all of this. We are waiting to be contacted by investigators and have yet to see how this all plays out.
I am posting this because I really want parents/people to be aware that people have a public self and a private self, and that private self is who people truly are. Some people have a disgusting/sick private self and cannot control their sexual urges around little babies and children for whatever sick and twisted reason. These can be people that you know well (or so you think) and you could never imagine them doing such things to your babies.
Most pedophiles/child molesters are very normal looking people, with husbands and wives, children, good paying jobs, and are even well liked and respected in their community.
This is the type of image my husband’s father has portrayed. A ‘normal’ family man, well paying job, and well respected in his community. By looking at him you would never even think that he could do something like this. So, parents if you’re reading this, PLEASE… if you have even the slightest feeling in your gut that something doesn’t feel right about someone, please don’t leave your child with them for even a second! My husband and I should have been able to trust leaving our babies at his parents house… but it’s very sad that isn’t the case, and we had to find out in some of the worst imaginable circumstances.
Please, keep your babies safe and don’t leave them with someone you’re unsure of if you absolutely do not have to. There will be more time to go out for dinner or a drink when they get older. It isn’t even worth the risk, I can promise you that. You really can’t trust anyone these days. There are so many perverted sickos in this world…and a lot of the time you wouldn’t even suspect it until it happens to your child by someone you thought you knew and thought you could trust.
Added:
Sara
Don’t ever leave that baby alone with him for long periods of time. Get some recording devices. Get proof before approaching mother and authorities. Proof is crucial for you to have. He’s definitely molesting her. Please do not wait too long. Your gut feeling is right save this baby before it’s too late. He is a sick disgusting man! When you heard that baby scream out its because he was hurting her. Please do the right thing. Obviously you love this child. Protect her as your own.
Added:
Brandie
Trust in your yourself if it dont feel right and that warning alarm is going off chances yr right screw your realionship help her talk to her mom about it. I dont think any man or father wants to change a diaper close the door hmm walking naked hell no!
Added:
ABC
hi.. really proud of you.. That even if it not your child.. you are not bothered of if your relationship would end.. and you truly care about that baby..
I would suggest you to catch him red handed. you have to prove with evidence. Next time fix a hidden camera. Later when ur BF leaves the room making the baby cry.. Check the recording if something suspicious happened.
If so.. Please show the video to the child mom.. And hand over the child to mom custody ..
Added:
Drew
Leave him and report the abuse to someone
Added:
Jessica Johanning
We caught my eight year old step daughter masturbating and just recently started wetting the bed she’s also very affectionate with adult men and she said she’s unhappy at her mother’s house could she be being abused by her step father
Added:
Beth
Yes or another male.
Added:
Coco
My sister was sexually abused by my uncle. She was 10-11 years old. He did oral and used finger. Is that considered sexual or harassment? Also one of my aunts said it was my parents fault for letting him babysit. Really!! How stupid is that!
She’s 40 years old now but it still bothers her a lot.
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Coco,
That has moved from sexual harassment to sexual child abuse and is very serious.
I’m so sorry for for your family.
@MsGreene
Added:
Kimberly
I’m in a bit of a rut.. my mothers boyfriend (whom she is still with even after what he did to me) grabbed and slapped my bottom many times and even told people he wanted to record me in the shower so he could see fresh meat. This happened for roughly 2 years before I moved out. As the years went by, the slaps turned into grabs (on my bottom) and he even “accidentally” grabbed my boob a few times. Sadly, I believed him.. I’ve been out of home for 2 years now, sadly it only uccured to me that it isn’t okay to do that. Can I still go to the police about this? I fear he’s going to sexually assault my other brothers or my sister. Please help!
Added:
Anna
Please call the police. You have to stop the pervert.
Added:
Cassandra Dalton
I was wondering about a 4 year old drawing a picture of a naked girl with a slit for a vaginal but she has a penis and scrotum drawn at her mouth. This child also likes to lick people mainly on their face. How would a 4 year old know this unless they were being abused??
Added:
Mdl
Take that photo and go straight to police
Added:
Angelee Steward
It’s never too late too report any type of abuse! Call a local sexual abuse hotline and they can guide you with the steps to take in the reporting it so it’s less scary.
Added:
Beth
Yes. You can.
Added:
J
I am getting a divorce. My 18 year old daughter has had four spinal fusions. I was abused by my E physically, emotionally as well as verbally. I know that my daughter has been abused emotionally, and verbally. I am staying with my parents a few states away from my ex. I am going to the Mayo Clinic my daughter was going to be staying with me but she decided to go home for her fourth spinal fusion. I called her psychologist and asked her to speak with my daughter about this sexual abuse that I was concerned about. My daughter has denied the abuse. The psychologist has basically wiped it under the rug their is no problem. My ex has been into pornography since he was 12 so for 35 + years and he has had affairs. Either emotional or physical they are affairs. My daughter now has use of the credit card that she can buy whatever she wants. I have noticed she has been buying bras and other clothing items that I would not buy her. My daughter has had PTSD since I have not been home and she has been in the hospital ER. The doctor diagnosed it as undo stress from the divorce. I have always told my daughter to love her dad. My daughters emotional
Support dog does not like my ex and he growls and barks when my ex is around. My daughter has texted me to tell me that she had caught her dad watching her sleep. Her dog has woke her up. What should I do? Where do I go?
Added:
Dominique
Good day,
My daughter is 6 years old. Every time she and her brother visits their dad she wets her pants constantly and when they return home she stops doing it after less than a week.
But in that week when it happens and i ask her why she does it and don’t go tho the bathroom she starts to cry.
Should i be concerned?
Added:
Anna
Do you need to ask? Seriously. Is obvious she is scared of him. Trust no one woman! Feel your mother instinct and take your children to a check up to look for signs of abuse.
Good luck
Added:
funnymonkeys101
Hi, I was sexually abused as a child and I am now just trying to understand my behaviour. I do not like having baths or showers, why is that? I have just found a way so I could have a shower, I listen to music or listen to youtube and that seems to be working. Any thoughts?
Thanks!!!
Added:
Amber Y.
It may be because you were abused in the bath or shower, or you may have an indirect association as you are naked and essentially vulnerable in the tub or shower. You may have suppressed memories. Please seek out a qualified trauma therapist.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Good luck.
Added:
Jane sarrson
My friend has separated from her partner he was abussed as a child. He has his two daughters aged 3 and 5 every other week. Both girls have mentioned to 3 different adult friends of the mother comments on there fathers penis example
I touched daddy willy
Daddy tickles his willy
Daddy plays with his willy
Is this normal for my friend girls to just come out with this. Or am I being paronoid?
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Jane,
When we have those “I wonder if” moments, and children are involved, we need to listen to our hearts.
@MsGreene
Added:
Whitney
There is zero paranoia there. Please please please encourage her to investigate. Kids don’t randomly make stuff up like that. Especially that young. 99% of the time they would only say that if they have seen it.
Added:
K
No this is not normal. Exposing children to sexual situations and performance is abuse. They should not see his privates much less know that he plays with it. Those children should definitely not be touching daddy’s willy. He is conditioning the child to be familiar with his naked body and genitals, grooming the child to be accepting of his sexual attention. Call the police.
Added:
Michelle
No its not normal, keep a journal and if it continues I highly recommend informing the kids pediatrician or an other form of authority to advise you on what ro do.
Added:
Brit
Is it ok for a 10 year old little boy to sleep in the same bed every night with his grandpa ? I am starting to see different signs from anger to going to the bathroom (#2) in pants all the time ..
Added:
Amazon
I wouldn’t ignore it. My daughter had anger issues. And the #2 could be purposely so he will not be touched.
Added:
K
This is wrong. Take the child to the Doctor and have a Phycologist present to gently ask the child without leading or blaming.
The child should not be sleeping with an adult male.
The loss of control over his bowels is a sign of sexual abuse. Maybe physical damage.
The anger is also a sign of sexual abuse. He cannot stop it or has zero control over what is happening to him.
Give him a way out. Get him away from this man asap.
FIRST. MAKE THE GRANDFATHER LEAVE IF POSSIBLE. Make sure the child knows that he can tell you anything and that you will always love him and never ever leave. There is nothing that could ever make you leave him. Ask him if he wants to sleep alone. Tell him he has a choice and he is not alone. He is a likable nice person, smart. No one should ever touch him against his wishes and definitely never should an adult touch him or do anything to his bathroom parts. Buttocks or penis or touch him in any way that makes him feel odd, ashamed, weak, exposed, uncomfortable, pain.
Adults may ask or trick you to do things you dont want or like. It is not his fault. The adult is the one who is wrong. It is ok to not like it and it is definitely ok to tell and make it stop.
Added:
Anna
Is not ok!!!!! He is prolly being Abused every single night. What’s wrong with people. Please wake up. Trust no one
Added:
Janine
My son is 20 months. He used to love being naked, and as of last week, he began crying and saying “naked!”, and trying to cover himself up when we take his clothes off for his bath, a diaper change, or a change of clothing. Is this common? I am trying not to panic, as I am sure it’s nothing major, but I am worried. He is babysat by a close female relative several days a week. Should I take him to the doctor right away, or should I wait to see if the behaviour changes?
Added:
K
Stop letting the ” close female relative” be alone with the child. And anyone else who was at that home during the time this started. Stop letting the child see this person(s)
for at least a month as well. Make excuses… Busy, have so many things going on… We will catch up later… Excuses. But do not have him around any of them.
See if his behavior stops. If he relaxes and is comfortable with his body again.
Children that age should not be so body conscious. Body consciousness should happen much later. ” mommy don’t look I am a boy” Cuteness. You get the idea? Not this extreme discomfort with his nakedness. He should not see himself as naked only free of clothing. I think
Someone has made him aware or taunted him while he was undressed. Shaming is abuse. Making him feel exposed.
Trust your mom instincts. Those warning bells are going off for a reason. Your child is more important than a friend or relative.
If he stops after a month of no presence of these people try taking him around them, only with your supervision and support. Gauge his reaction. See if he relapses and wont let you change his pants there or whatever…
Added:
Josephine
Can anyone out there help or advise me please?
We are a tight-knit family, always have been, and our children regularly have sleepovers in each other’s houses. However, it has now transpired that my 13 year old nephew has been inappropriate with my little 7 year old daughter. We are understandably devastated and we want to know what we should do next… how do we process and handle this information – while also minimising the risk of psychologically scarring my daughter? And/or ruining the life of the teenage cousin? His parents are watching him like a hawk, concerned that he could kill or hurt himself, such is his shame and guilt at doing this….
This all emerged only last night. She told us so matter-of-factly that she was sore as he tries to touch her, and then it all got so much worse when she said he tried to touch her with his *** and tried to wiggle it around in her pants. She said she told him to stop it, and he did. But such is her innocence, she said she didn’t want to leave the room as she was too busy playing nintendo! Oh thank God for the innocence of children…
The worst thing is, though, is this happened not once but twice apparently. Which, in my opinion, is unforgivable… How could he if he KNEW it was wrong the first time??? I’m just brokenhearted about all of this…. I’m finding it hard to think straight….
Since then, he has been confronted and he has admitted everything immediately. He says he knows it was wrong but he was learning about sex at school and was just curious. He is aware of how serious the situation is and how it could potentially ruin lives and shatter our entire family circle. Please advise what to do next. I’m confident that my daughter can overcome this as she honestly doesn’t realise the gravitas of what’s happened, and she still adores him. I think if we never make her talk about it or mention it again, there’s a good chance she might forget. BUT – will she? Obviously, she will never be in a room alone with him again – nor will any of our other children, just in case, but what do we do now… ????
I guess what I’m really asking is do we go to the cops or do we try to contain this among ourselves and heal the damage caused with as little disruption as possible to my daughter? She said she wanted him told off for doing it, and that’s all – I think she’s afraid to get him into trouble, she adores her older cousins. Jesus. What the hell do we do now?
Please please someone reply… Dr Greene, please reply… Thanks for listening.
Added:
Jake
While I can’t give you any advice on whethed or not to contact the police, I do seriously advise that you don’t just stop mentioning it and hope your daughter forgets. I understand that you want the best for her and that you don’t want this to affect her, but even if she forgets, it can still have an impact on her. Many people who repress or forget things like that later remember them as adults and have to deal with the trauma then. Even people who don’t remember often show the same problems later in life as people who do. The best thing to do is to deal with it now so that she can be well adjusted later in life.
I will preface the next bit by saying I have no solid proof other than my own memories that I was sexually abused. It would have been when I was 4 or 5. I’m 18 now, and only within the last couple years have I remembered what happened to me. Even though for years I wasn’t consciously aware of what had happened, I still had many problems that were associated with childhood sexual abuse. Now that I have some memory of what happened, I can deal with it as someone who’s old enough to understand what happened, but I might have been able to avoid those issues all together, or at least understand why I had them, had I had the proper counselling when I was younger
Added:
Amazon
I hope you didn’t ignore it. Who’s to say it wouldn’t happen again?
Added:
K
Take the boy to a Doctor and get him a Psychologist. Insist upon it.
You may save his life. If treated early he could stop and lead a normal life.
She is 7 years old. He is 13 and definitely knows better. He did it more than on one occasion and has ” admitted” to twice. But there are probably more. Maybe with others. Hard to say.
Curiosity does not excuse his behavior. Stand strong. INSIST he is taken to a Doctor and treated in a facility until the DOCTOR RELEASES him from care. If they refuse. Call the police.
Your child and other children must come first. He needs counseling in a hospital before he continues on to commit worse acts.
I would not let her within his sight.
A thought….. Could he have been abused?
Acting out what was done to him or possibly he was encouraged to do this by his abuser?
Take him to a doctor.
Take her to her pediatrician and make sure she is undamaged inside.
Added:
Michelle
No its not normal, keep a journal and if it continues I highly recommend informing the kids pediatrician or an other form of authority to advise you on what ro
do.
You need to get him help asap if he did it twice to your daughter he will repeat next time maybe another child.. your daughter she might seem okay now she might block it out for awhile she will be effected later in life.
Also if he re offends and it comes out you can get in serrious trouble for not reporting.
You cant ignore this there is more to the story like who abused the boy. You need to call the police. Dont risk your own child over hush hush.. he will not stop until he gets help
Added:
Angelee Steward
13 year olds now days are doing intermediate algebra in school. If they can learn that then they should be expected to know what’s appropriate and what’s not. No 13 year old should even think that that’s ok to use any girl as a tool to be curious. Call and report and get your daughter in therapy and hold him accountable cause he needs therapy and strict boundaries around any girls so it don’t happen again!!!! Seriously it’s not ok
Added:
Raymond
Good morning Dr Greene,I have a 9 year old born June 25th 2007 and shes my heart.I am going through a divorce and for 2 years we have been stuck on the custody,my wife as accused me of you name it ive done it
Child molestation (Unfounded was investigated )
Drug Addict was tested more than twice by the courts( All negative)
My wife moved a man in my house as acteffeent,oh and by the way I told him to dry off somewhere else after my kid said he drys off he told me that none of my business and when i threatened him with CPS he said line up been having troubles with CPS for nine years
My daughter told me after i asked her if he touched her said no but he hugs me alot and she said makes her feel uncomfortable and the last 3 weeks as been asking me about periods,bgger hips she wants training bra she also took my ex wifes tampon and said just incase she starts a period
I noticed her watching a program on discovering womens body and thats not usually her
is she do you think being touched or more by this guy,hes own daughter was hurt by his wife Penal code 273a and he brought her back to live in my house with jane until he started fighting with his daughter whos 15 and the police came took daughter away
Janes had a evaluation parenting guide because my wife hates me (Borderline?) and will not except me as parent this mans acting like her dad judge does not like this
is she being molested or something and why doesnt she tell me
Added:
K
Sounds like she is trying to tell you without saying it outright. He has been ” grooming” her by getting her used to his touch. Accidentally touching her in forbidden areas, then eventually the touch lingers longer and longer. Until she forgets how it started?!?? Then he starts getting her used to him being naked, partially then fully….
Just a guess.
Here is a good link
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/abuse/Pages/child-sexual-abuse.aspx
Added:
Raymond Hoskins
Thank you I have had this feeling for a while he needs to go
Added:
Adriana
I need some advice! My stepson is 7 yrs old and we only have him on the weekends. I have a 2 year old and I used to bathe them together cause obviously they wanted to play in the water. But one day I noticed my stepson wanted my baby to touch his penis. I didn’t make a big deal since I thought it was curiosity cause he also likes to be naked when I’m about to shower my baby. So I stopped giving them baths together, but last Friday something happened and I’m a little worried.
My mom is here from Florida cause of my 2 yo baby and we needed to hurry up so I ended up giving them a bath together. I notice I had no towels so I went out to the laundry room. I asked my mom to check on them while I got the towels. When I came back with the towels I noticed my mom was acting so weird and my son was already out of the tub (this was less than 2 min) and she told me my stepson was trying to put his penis on my baby’s mouth.
I am very worried. I know that when he is at home I have to watch them closely, but am so scared of my stepson being molested. I know that this should cause him disgust, but he is trying to do something so grown up it freaks me out. I love him with all of my heart, as if he was my own. And the thought of something happening to him makes me so angry. I told my husband and he is gonna talk to his mom about it cause she also has a 3 year old, but I wannna know if you guys think I’m freaking out too much cause I can’t just bare the thought of someone hurting my child.
Added:
Jody
I am only a tween so I have no idea wat is going on. All I know is that I agree with you: This is scary!
Added:
Ash
Do something. That’s not right.
Added:
K
A 7 year old should not even try oral sex or have knowledge of it. He learned the behavior from someone, a male would be my first guess.
A sign he may have been abused himself or exposed to watching adults have sex. Either way it is abuse. He sounds like he is “acting out” what he either experienced or witnessed.
Take him to a Doctor.
On the sly go on Ebay and buy a min dvr spy cam and sd card. Tell no one.
Find out what is going on in your home.
Added:
Kim
I have a 17 month old son that doesn’t like his bottom being touched and hates being changed and taking baths. He also clenches his bottom when I try to wash him there. Can you please tell me if he is being abused? I don’t know what else to do. He can’t talk. I’m desperate for answers. i’m trying to buy a nanny cam but I can’t get over this fear that the caregiver will find out about it and I will never know about the abuse.
Added:
MamaS
this could also be pain, pin worms etc… see a dr!
Added:
MomKyTy
See a Dr!! Don’t ignore this!!
Added:
Ash
Get a new caregiver. It’s your child. Any suspicious activity and your fired.
Added:
Jazzmen Jagers
My daughter just turned 4 she has a cousin who comes over on the weekends who is also 4. My daughter watches a lot of unsupervised youtube because I can’t seem to keep her off of it. but she likes a rapper on youtube she pretends it her boyfriend when she plays alone or with her cousin, I have never caught her doing anything inappropriate till today when I asked what was she pretending she said having sex but its just pretend shes not really doing it, I don’t know what to say or I keep expecting someone is doing something to my child but I don’t know who and she says nothing is going on. Maybe I’m paranoid or maybe shes seen something on youtube but I don’t wanna be right.
Added:
chad
your 4yo shouldn’t be watching youtube unsupervised, be watching rap videos, or know what sex is. Delete the app. There is a youtube kids app that has kids videos.
Added:
Beth
Turn off the computer, the tablet, the TV. Turn it all off, take a camera, some colored pencils, a sketchbook, a bird or flower book and get outside and start discovering your world. Your beautiful world.
Parent. Not only should your child, or any, be watching You Tube, she should not be online, period. Especially unsupervised. Is everyone insane?
Your child should not know what sex is. Should not know what a rapper is. Should not know what You Tube is. Should not even know what the internet is. And one day, when she has to be able to access educational material online, it should be supervised. Meaning through a parental filter and a living human parental figure.
I wish people would wake up that it is our current society that is backwards. Previous
generations would not have fathomed such absolute robbing of innocence of children. Historically, cultures which demeaned children have been destroyed eventually.
And all these people commenting here about my stepson did this or my son did that or my daughter did this. Wake up. Do not leave your child unsupervised with other kids, period. Sorry to say, as this board illustrates, lots of children are not being parented and are exposed to things adults shouldn’t even know of. So, yes, there is an excellent chance that you are opening your child up to harm if you leave him or her unattended with another child. So just take control and refuse to do it. No second chances for some poor un-parented child to corrupt your own.
There is lots and lots of bad news out there, but the good news is that you can change your own corner and truly protect your children.
Added:
Julie
Four years old!! You need help too! This is all wrong in every way possible!
Added:
Laela Giuffre
Just ask her a few questions but make her feel comfortable make it suttel so she dosent notice and then just ask what did she do in the game
Added:
Largo
My kids (9 year old son, 7 year old daughter) told me today that the little girl next door has been acting out sexually while they are playing together in our yard. She just turned 8 and has various developmental delays, FWIW. Anyway, they said she talks a lot about a boyfriend named __, pretends to kiss him on the mouth while gyrating her hips, and talks about sex and being naked together. For example, she will be wrapped up in the hammock and one of the kids will yank one side open and she will gasp & say, “Don’t come in the bedroom, __ and I are naked!” She inserts these “moments” randomly and unexpectedly into whatever game they are playing. I know kids are curious, etc. and don’t want to overreact, but this does not seem normal to me. I have chastised her before for making sexually explicit remarks and invitations to my kids (do you want to touch my V? pull down your pants, etc.), but I thought it was just the results of a poor upbringing, that she had seen something on TV or in a video game. (She has no restrictions. Her parents are divorced but live together. Her mother changes boyfriends frequently, lets them sleep over, pick the kids up, etc.) Now I am not so sure there isn’t more going on. I don’t want to poke the bear, but I also don’t want to look the other way. Is this normal or cause for concern?
Added:
Sarah
Seriously?! How many red flags do u need and why are u even considering NOT reporting this. How many 8 yr olds do u know who talk about being naked in bed with a boyfriend. How many 8 yr olds do u know that use sexually explicit language. By being aware of this knowledge u are as complicit as the abuser for not reporting and shame on you.
Added:
MomKyTy
Agreed!! This is far too much to assume that this harmless curiosity.
Added:
Ash
Exactly call the law!!!!
Added:
Trishell
I have three daughters all different ages and a husband who is their step father. Over a few years he has “accidentally” such as playing around rough housing or hiding form them touched them. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and am not sure on what part of me to trust as to what is normal or not in this situation. I run form everything and all around he is a big part of the children’s life and helps out and is an active step father. My girls tell me they feel safe around him and secure. I am just asking if accidental touching of breast with a hug or tickling then landing on the wrong spot is normal life or not?
Added:
Wisdom
That is not a very normal so I would say you should have a talk with your kids away from him and talk to them and make sure they are not a victim of incest…..???
Added:
juanita
Thats right but some moms dont care just as my ,mom
Added:
Julie
I’m sorry Jaunita to hear my uncle is a bag a sit as well
Added:
MomKyTy
It seems like he is seeing how far he can go with the kids before they say something or feel uncomfortable. Please don’t ignore the signs.
Added:
Ash
No not normal.
Added:
angelbaby
My 3yo niece randomly blurted out while watching scooby doo that a friend “licked her butt”. I asked her to say it again cause i couldnt hear her & she said, “K**** licked her butt”. I text mom & she didnt seem too alarmed. A couple days later my niece was with me again & she randomly blurted out , “K**** tongue kisses me”. I didnt question cause I dont want to plant things in her head. Later on that night I was talking with my niece who just turned 3 in March &she said she wanted to come live with auntie. I asked her why & she said with a sad look on her face “cause mommy scares me”. I asked why &she said ” I dont know auntie she just scares me”. Ive noticed changes in niece -she was potty trained during day then mom was putting pull ups on her again. At night she will wake up screaming from nitemares. She asked if she could live with me. I find it hard to believe a 3yo would put lick & butt in same sentance &say tongue kiss. Any advice is helpful I want to keep her. Mom is 23 & dad is 23 & not involved. Cps got involved 2 months ago cause somebody called & complained but case was dismissed. Please help I cant let her go back
Added:
Christina
My only advice in this situation would be to return the child and stay in the family’s company for a few hours. If you still have concerns then report them. If you do however then you need to be prepared she’ll unlucky be homed with you and would usually be taken in foster care so perhaps bear that in mind.
Added:
Kim
Is it fine for a 34 yr old Father to play with his naked 5 months old baby girl?
He was not changing her diaper, nor bathing her.
I do not know if the Dad had any clothes on, when I saw the picture of her naked, because the Dad was not in the picture.
Thank you.
Added:
Christina
So you’re going off the basis of one photograph who you know was or wasn’t taking the picture? Do you even know if the picture was taken in the company of the father?
If it puts your mind at ease then you report your concerns anonymously to local Social or Child Services who should then investigate.
Added:
Krista
I think that an opinion like that would have to vary depending on the person (father). When my daughter was a baby she spent a lot of her time naked! And her father and I would hold ger play with her still. By no means was there ever ANYTHING REMOTELY inappropriate happening in our household. I fact even when we would take her to my dad and his gf’s house we would strip her down to nothing and place her on a blanket in front of the fireplace to relax. Diapers can not be comfortable and my daughter loved her naked moments, but again this was never an inappropriate or uncomfortable thing for anyone in our home. Other homes and all people are different so if something seems off I suggest observing and being aware, but not paranoid to a point your brain starts playing tricks on you and seeing things in a way they are not.
Added:
LittleL
Photos of a naked baby raise red flags to me.
Added:
Yvonne
My daughter is 20months and we live with my mother and her husband until our roof gets fixed. Lately I’ve noticed that he kisses her more than 5 times in an hour and 2 days ago he kissed her on her cheek,so I thought, and when I picked her up her ear was wet. Yesterday he was holding her and I saw him put her ear in his mouth and I yelled at him not to do that. I don’t think I am overreacting but my mom seems to think I am. He’s too touchy feely for me and I’m starting to think I should just not let anyone kiss her on her cheeks, hug her or even pick her up. I was molested as a child by an older cousin and I don’t want to go to jail for harming him if it’s really nothing. I don’t believe any man should have a little girls ear in his mouth at no time. I don’t know what to do.
Added:
Jessica
Yvonne, You are right trust your instincts!! I wouldn’t let that man be around my daughter. Completely inappropriate and disgusting!
Added:
JustMe
I wouldn’t let him near her either!! I had alcoholic parents and was not supervised hardly at all. I was molested around the age of 4 till about 5 or so by the nasty old guy who rented our garage from my father (he converted it into a 1 room apartment). I remember him giving me a lot of change and telling me not to tell anyone. After he moved out a few years later and I got older, I realized what happened to me…and the feelings inside me were horrible…still are to some degree! I’m sure you know what I’m talking about since you stated you were also molested. I’m 44 now and it still affects me, even though I have been with the same husband for 26 years! Sometimes sex just grosses me out altogether and then it becomes a chore for me.
Around age 10, there was a man who I thought just really liked kids and wanted to help build me and my friends a treehouse in the ball field we hung out at. One time he was peeing in a dug out, and being a stupid kid like a lot of kids are, my friend says “turn around, turn around.” I didn’t think he would, but he did! I had weird feelings about him after that and I never saw him again. Around that same year, I had a man drive past me at an intersection and he lifted himself up and shook his penis at me!!! I also had a man try to “ask me if I needed a ride”…I was barely 11…no man does that unless he has bad intentions. I told him to eff off and picked up a rock…he drove off. Around the same age, I had older teen guys try to touch me…when I look back now, I think…what 17/18-year-old has an interest in an 11-year-old…so gross. I was also molested by another kid who was closer to my age and did it while I was sleeping (or he thought I was sleeping anyway…I was too freaked out to move, though). I was pretty much molested my entire childhood!!
By the time I was 12 I was smoking marijuana, smoking cigarettes, and by the time I was 15 I was drinking alcohol, sexually promiscuous, I was a rebel, always fighting, always in trouble, and tried the patience of every adult around me! I was an asshole – I just didn’t give two shits about anything. I hated everyone and everything…and I have a sneaking suspicion it was due to the molestation.
At the age of 16, I left my sister’s home (she was raising me from age 12 due to my parents being a mess) and moved in with my best friend, her sister, and their father. He said as long as I was attending school I could stay there. I entered beauty school and my BFF and her sister went to medical assisting school. I had no school on Mondays and as I lay sleeping one morning, their father came in the room and laid behind me! I panicked and hauled tail out the door in nothing but a t-shirt and underwear. I went to a neighbor’s house and called my BFF and her sister to come get me and take me back to my sister’s house. I also had another friend’s father put his arm around me when I went to her house to see if she was home. He had never paid much attention to me in all the years I had been friends with her, but I had also never been alone around him before, so I knew what he was going to try… I told him my sister was waiting in the car and I went out the door quick. I can only thank God I met my husband at 17 and we had our first son at 19…that is when I finally began healing. I often say my life never really started until I met my husband. He is when my good memories of my past start, and my younger days are dark and bleak to me. I often suffer with depression and take medication for it. I hate relying on meds, but I refuse to be unhappy around my kids. I also have anxiety. If one little thing is going wrong, I get all anxious and sick to my stomach. I won’t take anything for that, though, because the meds they give you are usually barbiturates and/or narcotics – being in the medical field…I’m not touching those, no thanks!
I tell you all of this because a lot of people like to think most men are good. I’m here to tell you that most are not!!! They are creeps, scums, and led by their dirty, nasty thoughts and their penises. Makes me sick. I am certainly not saying all men…but a lot are creepers! So please, please keep your eye on your daughter at all times! I don’t let my kids do sleepovers unless I have known the family for a few years…and even then I try to get the kids to stay at our house. I know it’s because of what happened to me, and I refuse to let anything happen to my kids. I will kill someone, not even joking – I would kill them with my bare hands! No one will ever make my kids feel the way I did (and again, still do). I effing hate pedaphiles. I hate them more than you can imagine! I wish they would all die painful deaths!
Again, please use caution, even if you later have a boy, watch him like a hawk, too…it’s so detrimental to their mental well-being. It’s unfortunate, but it’s the world we live in. I think I am lucky that maybe I’m just tough…but not everyone is. I still suffer…I just suffer silently. But weaker people tend to turn to drugs and alcohol, maybe even prostitution. I have learned to just push all the bad stuff that has happened to me to the side and leave it there…because after all, I have to remind myself of how very fortunate I am today to have a great husband and awesome children! I wish you the best!!
Added:
Christina
I’m actually more concerned at your thought process more so than being angry at your post. Your comments about “you being tough where as others aren’t they’re just “weaker” people, who turn to drugs and alcohol”! You may well be a tough person but you’re also terribly rude one for saying such a thing. Turning to such vices doesn’t make you a weak person. Failing to understand others in our society and having a lack of compassion is what most would deem as a weak person! It pushing your feelings away works for you then good luck to you and hope your past and emotions don’t ever creep up on you, years from now!
Added:
Valerie
Amen to that!! Wow, if our stories couldn’t be twins in several ways! Different in ways I don’t want to talk about ? many blessings
Added:
Krista
I’m sorry for ur horrible childhood but people who turn to drugs srx or alcohol prostitution or WHATEVER are no weaker because of their method of coping. Millions of Americans or people throughout the entire world people from all walks of life suffer with addiction. It’s people like u who are disgustingly judgmental who I often find are naive and uneducated. I’m not judging you because I have never lived a day in your shoes and you may want to find it within ur self to consider a more understanding and compassionate way of viewing the struggles and coping methods of others. Especially if you are in the medical field. So I say to you…GOOD LUCK!!!
Added:
Reni M
I love your comment. I watch my babies like a hawk and that stuff happening to them is one of my worst fears. My husband thinks I’m nuts for being so overprotective, I’ll die before I become one those stupid mothers that say they had a feeling but ignored it or didn’t want to be rude. May all child predators die slowly and painfully. Waste of breath and space! Dirty bastards.
Added:
AK
Wow… While I am saddened to hear of the trials and tribulations you’ve suffered in your life, the level of ignorance implicit in several of your statements is shocking, particularly as you’re, “in the medical field’. I desperately hope you’ve a solitary role (id est: a laboratory worker or the like) as it’d be a tragedy for anyone in need of medical help to encounter such a glaring lack of empathy/compassion.
At 10, my mother and I were violently attacked/raped (completely random attack by an escaped convict) after which I was hospitalized for nigh on a year as I lost my hearing, required a # of surgeries to repair damage to the uterus, colon, etc. (due to this, I am unable to bear children), plates in my skull, broken bones throughout my body, had most of my spine fused w/ titanium rods/screws & so on & so on, ad nauseam. Sadly, the effects of this incident were cataclysmic & my family never recovered. My siblings & I were separated/placed in Foster Care where (I know now my siblings were as well) I experienced further sexual/physical abuse. I then wound up in the sex trade at the age of 12 where I continued to experience horror upon horror… I managed to somehow never use drugs (save for cigarettes) until I had another spinal surgery (among many others) in my late 20’s & found myself addicted to opiates. I finally reached out for help and managed to escape the sex trade, become sober, achieve my high school diploma & a BSc, etc. I’ve Now at 34, I’ve reconnected with my family, have wonderful friends, enjoy my work, am stable & have the quiet life I’ve always desired but… I still struggle… I do my best though to continue on while working to address the past, cope with the many ways in which I’m affected by PTSD & so on.
According to you, because I was forced into the sex trade (prostitution, porn, etc.) at 12 yrs old & began to use pain medication (aka drugs!) in my late 20’s to cope w/ the incessant pain of my past rearing it’s ugly head… you’d classify me as one of those, “weaker people who tend to turn to drugs and alcohol, maybe even prostitution”? Also, “weaker people” seek help/talk about the past unlike “tough” people who “push all the bad stuff to the side” and “suffer silently” like you? So… Only the weak would break their code of silent suffering and… Write in great detail about their past and post it all on a PUBLIC forum for the world to see…
Anyway, I’d go on but I digress… Again, I am so sorry to hear of your struggles in this area & I don’t believe you had any ill intentions for including the above in your post but… Please… If you don’t know what you’re talking about &/or have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Thank you.
Added:
Anna
You are so right in everything. As I said trust no one with your kids. Wish you the best.
Added:
Kelly
Is it possible for my 12 yr old daughter to be geting molested but actually liking it and thinking its ok. I know that sounds bad but ive talked to her several times and she reassured me nothings going on. She did however reveal some msgs between them and some pictures. He asked her to take a picture of her standing on her toes and arching her feet, then asked her to suck her toes, another pic of her with her mouth open, and one with her tongue sticking out. Her pics she sent werent sexual looking they looked goofy bc she didnt know any better. He knew it was wrong bc he told her to make sure she erased the messages. She lied and never erased them. I have confronted him and he said he was drunk and in a bad state of mind. I had kicked him out during that time and he was very upset and did it out of spite in his own fucked up way of reasoning. I was livid but i eventually let it go bc we have a 8mos daughter together and he makes most of the money. My 12 yr old now 13 daughter doesnt live with us, her grand mother has custody. I live very close though. She seemed to be ok about it so i tried to forget about it. So never brought it to anyones attention. Now ive noticed little things about her behavior with him. Shes always wanting to hang out alone with him. And the other day they were on the couch and she had a blanket draped over them and i swear she was touching his penis under the covers. They both always jump when i pop up or sneak up on them. Im constantly trying to catch them in the act. I know deep down something is going on. Im driving myself mad though. I try to talk to her but she denys it. And when i confront my boyfriend he denys it and tells me im paranoid. I have no idea what im doing.
Added:
Katia Simic
[Edited for tone*]
Which normal person would asks from 12 year old to send those kind of photos?!! She doesn’t know what she likes, he groomed her! If you have suspicion act upon it.
*Editors note: Some readers react emotionally to comments. If the reaction may be harmful to other readers we may edit them for tone, while leaving the original meaning.
Added:
Emma
My granddaughter is 24 months and since her mother which is my daughter got with a man and married in two months my granddaughter has had sudden changes like clingy, screaming fits, not wanting her mother to be out of her sight. I noticed also when it comes to diaper change out of the question most times,the baby kicks,pulls hair, like she’s scared and she never did act like this before the new boyfriend now husband came into her life
Added:
Sharon
Stop trying .. use a small digital recorder on voice activate. . Words are enough.
Added:
K
They are having sex. May not be penetration but….
Call the police. That is what I would do.
Buy a min spy cam and a sd card off ebay for $10.
Your daughter is more important than a boyfriend. If he has been molesting her it is not her fault. Help her.
Added:
Kristine
A few weeks ago, my 6 year old daughter came to me and told me her 14 year old cousin “made her butt dirty”. I immediately had him removed from our home (he had stayed the previous night). My husband and I took her to the police station to file a report then went to our local childrens hospital. A CPS investigation began, they listed me as failure to protect and neglectful supervision. I felt as if I became the criminal for listing me as such. My nephew is 14, and was trusted up until that point. I should have been able to leave my child in his care if I was to run an errand, he is 14 after all. Ten days after the incident, my daughter had to undergo a forensic interview. After speaking with the detective and the counselors after the interview, they feel without a shadow of doubt, he hurt her. Now we are waiting on the lab to process the rape kit, FOR MY 6 YEAR OLD. Meanwhile, my nephew has been given free access to social media ( I have him blocked), taken out on family outings, been able to spend the night with friends etc. It absolutely makes me sick to my stomach that my family has been ripped apart by this 14 year old monster. I have to suffer in silence while we wait on results from the crime lab. I was told it could take months. There needs to be consequences to his actions and at this point NOTHING has been done. I am very frustrated, angry, sad and many other mixed emotions.
Added:
K
You stopped him from hurting her again and maybe others. Don’t ever forget. You stopped him and protected her as soon as you knew.
Added:
Kristine
Thank you! Those few words help. We are still dealing with the pain this boy has caused. The county prosecutor for juveniles didn’t feel as if they had a case because no dna was found. Her word against his. He has not seen consequences to his actions besides it slowly eating away at his conscience. An entire family has been split. I no longer speak to my sibling and my parents will never have all of their children together. My children lost cousins. All because of a sexual deviant.
Added:
Beth
I for one, am proud of your daughter for speaking up. She is very brave. And I am so proud of you and your husband for PARENTING your daughter! MOST parents do not even believe their child when they come to them about abuse they have suffered. You did the right thing and although it causes repercussions in the family, please know that the one person that really matters, your little girl, forever knows that you have her back. She will heal from this because you believe her. Keep her your focus and don’t worry about extended family. I applaud you.
Added:
J
Finally someone who has taken action against their child’s molesters. Too many parents worry about “breaking family” and frankly I don’t give s*** about family if the family I’m apart of has sexual molesters and ENABLERS in it. You, your family, and most imprtantly your daughter are better off. Best of luck to you.
Added:
Angela Vaught
Thank you for those words. We have days where we miss those certain family members but we know that our lives are much better with out having to worry about anymore “incidents”.
Added:
Christina
I am so happy you were able to stop the abuse of your daughter! Teens who molest younger children are often victims of sexual abuse themselves. Your children may not be safe just because the 14 yo is not around. I wonder who molested him. Maybe it is someone you still have contact with. The 14 yo’s parents should be concerned about that. If they haven’t gotten him the therapy he needs, someone should contact child services.
Added:
Lara
I recently found out that my two year old touched my ten year olds (both girls) vagina. I found out through my two year old playing doctor and going to pull down her pants and we said oh no- clothes stay on and she informed us of her sister doing it. I asked my ten year old and after her melting down she admitted to it on two occasions pulling down her pants and allowing the two year old to touch her. She has other diagnoses but not I feel like my only option is to move her out of state to my mothers home for her to get help and be away from the younger children. I watch them all very closely and this still somehow happened. I am at a lost and feel guilt that I didn’t watch close enough apparently.
Added:
Cash Cannella
as well please do not blame yourself for not watching close enough I’m sure you were closer than most anybody ever has either way you should not ever try it concerning that topicw
Added:
Denise
My daughter came to me her third year in college to tell me my husband sexually abused her when she was 12. I asked questions like what did he do, for how long and then got very mad. I confronted him and he looked and acted total shocked. The information she gave me was strange like for only two months and when she faked sleep one night he completely stopped. I also asked my other two daughters and both said he has never touched them every. When she comes home she always hugs him and even sits in his lap. I sent he to a mental doctor for over a year and I would have sent her for longer but she decided to quit going. And then everything was back to normal life for four years. Now all of a sudden she is telling me she just can’t keep living a double life. She has a boyfriend we don’t approve of but love her enough to let him in our life if he makes her happy. I am so confused on what to do. How do I know who is telling the truth. And why only one daughter and not the rest? And she feels that I am choosing him over her and is now accusing her sisters of doing the same.
Added:
Lara
What reason could she have to lie after so many years
Added:
anonymous
Most of the time someone who sexualy abuses a child doesn’t choose all of the chlidren, they normally only choose one.. but if it were me I would choose to belive my daughter
Added:
Shazzamataz
I recently did an all girls camp with girls aged between 7 & 13 years old. When i did my night check to make sure they were asleep & accounted for i discovered one of the 8 year olds lying outside her sleeping bag with her nightwear at her ankles & her teddy down her pants. She appeared to be asleep & i did not ask her but i did ask another female to witness it as i was sure it wasnt normal. I dont know the family very well but from what i fo know, they have 3 girls, 16, 13 & 8 the middle child is disabled, the mom is a manic depressive, the dad is very nervous all the time & has a creepy aura about him, im really torn as to what to do??? Help.
Added:
Terry
Report to parents and cps
Added:
Katie
Report it. My daughter was molested by her father and I have caught her going the same thing. Someone is hurting or has hurt that little girl.
Added:
Emm
You should report it but also consider this, it is not abnormal, no matter what anyone says, for children to discover their genitals give pleasurable sensations at an early age. Female children especially will learn as early as five that they can orgasm (usually by accident, or unintentionally) and once they have, will continue to do so.
As most children know or realize this is not appropriate behavior (though they may not grasp why exactly) they will hide masturbation by doing it when alone or at night.
Not to sound gross but there is also a good chance that she was dry humping her teddy bear and either fell asleep after climax or got tired during the process and fell asleep that way.
I know it will upset a lot of people to read this but there are countless medical journals and confirmed science on this. Anyone with even a basic college level education on child psychology knows children will masturbate by age 10 quite often. (Not saying that you should have known, just saying in general.)
Also, I am wondering how you would know that the mother is Manic Depressive (a term that has not been used since the late 80s/90s) as I don’t see why an all girls camp would have that information, or why it would even be relevant to whether or not the girl would have been molested or not. Same with the sister being disabled. Bipolar disorder and having a disabled are not indications for sexual abuse.
You’re observations about the father are just that, observations. Maybe he is just an awkward guy who is kind of ugly?
It’s very very smart to always report anything like this to protective services because you can never be too safe, but I’ll bet that it’s as simple as masturbation from self-discovered orgasm.
The best thing to do would be to inform CPS, call the parents in/have the main camp official do so (or at least the mother if the dad creeps you out) and involve the child as well. It’s best NOT to shame the child, but based on the parents child rearing philosophy, suggest to them to tell her she should save private time for at home when she is in her room with the door closed, in bed or in the bathroom. (Unless they just don’t want her doing it period. IMHO that’s wrong, but they are the parents.) Then tell her that camp is not a private place.
Added:
Katia Simic
[Edited for tone]
And what if the child is being abused? Doing this you will shame her and will not give her a chance to say if smth is happening. Report it to the police right away. Better safe then sorry
Added:
CD
Today, my 6 year old daughter told my wife the following: “Guess who is Mr. X’s best buddy.” She asked, “Who?” My daughter replied, “Me.” My wife said, “How do you know?” My daughter said, “He hugs and kisses me on the cheek.” Mr. X is my daughter’s elementary school Principal. My daughter is at an age where she is telling many tall tales, making it very difficult to distinguish fact from fiction sometimes. But this, I don’t know. It’s very troubling and obviously crossing a line if true. At the same time, I don’t want to accuse anyone of something false. How should I approach this?
Added:
[ModeratorBeepbop
Report him to cps
[Moderator’s note: cps is Child Protective Services.]
Added:
Carolyn
My 29 year old daughter came to stay with me and she told me for the past two nights my husband has come in her room and put his hand in her pants or at least went that way. I am so disgusted and confused and don’t know how to handle this. I just need some advice.
Added:
Nici
Believe her for one and leave him for two (just because you cant fathom it doesnt mean it didnt or isnt happening and second go to tye police and a hospital hello, its not a hard choice your daughter or your husband in my book our kids come first shes 29 why would she lie?????)
Added:
jackson
Hi I have a four 1/2 year old son that stays with family a grandma, aunt, uncle, and three other small children ages 1, 2, and 3 all girls while me and my husband are working him and his 3 year old cousin got caught kissing one day outside seemed pretty innocent nothing extreme me and my husband had a talk with him explaining to him that was wrong and why it was wrong then today my mother and sister in law inform me he’s been trying to make his cousin get under the covers with him and take her pants off so he can see her ouies also he asked the two year old to lift her dress in front of him I have three other children in my home two girls 6 and 7 and a 10 year old son they have never behaved this way only my four year old I asked him where he learned this from and he just says he doesn’t know and he’s never done this at home only when I’m at work I’m being informed of this behavior does this just sound like curiosity or could something have happened to my child I’m very worried and don’t know what to do
Added:
jackson
I’ve also asked him if anyone has done anything like that to him or if he’s seen anyone do that and all he says is no so I’m very confused seems like he’s had to of seen that somewhere in order to do it himself seeing that he’s only 4 1/2 years old
Added:
K
Ask him ” who told him about ouies”
Ask him ” who told him how to play ouies”
If you have pictures of everyone you know he has bern around, adults and children he might point them out to you.
Added:
new mom
I was the little girl who did the same thing as a young child my uncle had touched me and made me do things to him. I told my mom and she didn’t believe me so it continued for a long time. In fact she didn’t mention nothing until this year and I’m 28. But the damage is done and I was very curious at that age with my best friend. I would at least look into it.
Added:
Audrey Shea
I have two daughters one is 21 and my other daughter is 17. When my children were 5 and a bit over a year my husband and I got divorced. My ex husband owns a home and his uncle lives alone in the apartment downstairs. My 21 year old daughter does not like to be held or to snuggle with her boyfriend anymore. My 17 year old daughter is the same way. Recently my 21 year old daughter split up with her boyfriend of 4 years due to the stress of not wanting to be touched. Both of my children remember going down to see my husbands uncle when my husband had our daughters for the weekend. The only thing either one of my children can remember is candy and nothing else. Not one memory. Is it possible for a young child to not remember anything regarding sexual abuse yet relationships suffer because neither one of my children like to be touched by boyfriends holding hands seems to be difficult for my 21 year old. I am looking at this scenario because I was almost raped by the uncle myself after my divorce. I told my ex husband repeatedly not to let the girls go downstairs. He continued to allow them to go. Is it possible for both my children to have been abused by this man but not remember anything except for getting candy. Now that they are older they don’t visit their father often because they feel uncomfortable when the uncle is home. My daughter has made arrangements to see a therapist but I am not sure how to really help both of my daughters. I found out 4 weeks ago that my step daughter was molested by her brother for 5 years. He also molested one of my daughters. He was two years older at the time. My daughter was 5 and he was 7. My daughter had just begun to really start to work on her therapy but the therapist who she was doing so well with left the practice. I found out as I said that my stepson was milesting his sister for 5 years. I told my husband and I don’t think he knows what to do at this point. He has not confronted his son yet. His daughter still is living in the same house. Neither of my daughters want to tell me what he did to them. Can my children suppress horrible memories for a very long time? I feel terrible as for everyone involved.
Added:
teddybear
Yes it is common for young children to repress memories of painful events. It’s a protection mechanism and these memories often return after a traumatic or triggering event as an adult.
Added:
Elise
Look up “Dissociation.” That’s also very likely, especially if this went on for a while. This is not something to take lightly. BOTH of your daughters should probably see qualified psychotherapists because it’s likely that if they were abused, it will continue to affect them for years to come, if not forever. Dissociating helps people avoid experiencing the here and now as it is happening but it is very harmful in the larger picture. The good news is that they can get help. I’d leave your husband out of it for now. Just be there for your daughters; that’s what is most important now.
Added:
Katia Simic
Yes they can suppress and probably they will. But probably your stepson was abused as well. He just did what he has been thought. There is someone in your family who is adult and a peadophile.
Added:
Dan
Really? You let a 4 year old watch YouTube unsupervised and Rap videos? Whatever happened to watching Barney or Rugrats, Spongebob etc? You are the problem!
Added:
Dan
Perhaps there was something in that candy that would incapacitate the girls? That could explain the lack of memory by either one of them. Maybe the candy was laced with Rohypnol.
Added:
Liz
What to do? My daugther 4yrs old taking a bath by my mother told that her vagina is irritated then blames her grandfather because he touched her vagina she said.my mother got curious but ignores it but in the afternoon her grandfather came she said he touched my vagina.its the time that we got nervous that its true so that night we confront him if its true…he got mad and badmouthed us.we ask again my daugther she said while we are all asleep.he.taking off her diaper and touch her private part and she refuse she told us.after the confrontation hes very angry and get all he’s clothes and leave..im so worried now.i dont know what to do or where to seek help..please help
Added:
noneya
If that’s a true story, what you do IS CALL THE POLICE and report him. They will figure out by examining her if he is molesting her… why would anyone mother or parent, or adult, not take it extremely serious if a baby tells you that??? I would definitely believe my child, and I would protect them 100% as well. Let her sleep in your room for a while, stay with her all the time and NEVER allow that grandfather around her ever again, ever!!! Never shrug off something that major, when they try and tell you if you don’t listen it will continue until he rapes her, if he’s hasn’t already. Your being a neglectful parent by knowing it may be happening and not doing amything, even if your not sure! Your as bad as the abuser if you don’t stop it… its out job as their parents to protect them. No matter how hard or weird it may be to confront the abuser for fear that your wromg and will hurt the person they are accusing, you need to have the child’s best interest number one concern. Abusers count on you not believing the little child and that’s one reason they prey on them. STOP HIM AND HELP YOUR DAUGHTER. SHE’S DEFENSELESS AND YOU ARE HER ONLY HOPE
Added:
cynthia Dutra
Omg! I pray for this lil girl. Please, CALL THE POLICE NOW, [redacted]. Poor lil girl.
Added:
Sally
YES!! Every single person on here should read your message and take your advice. Including the person that started this message thread. Everyone seems doubtful. What’s wrong with you people! Protect your children!!!!!
Added:
Katia Simic
Report him!!! My father molested me for years but he never wanted to admit. He would became very defensive and angry, telling me I am crazy!
Did your dad ever abused you and you suppressed it? Any clues?
You need to protect your child!!!
Added:
Krys
Thank you so much for saying this. Sometimes people need to have it broken down like this. You’re right, if she does nothing he will rape her. I told my mom about my step dad and the things he did to me. She confronted him and he said he was confused and thought I was my mom! Really? I was 10. He was 36. He was confused and my mom believed him? No, she was a coward and didn’t protect me. The touching continued after that until the night he raped me. I was 11. That continued until I started my period at 13. He just stopped. I never told my mother anything else. There was no point…she didn’t want to believe it and wouldn’t help me anyway. Now I’m a 36yo woman with children of my own. If my boys were to tell me someone did this to them…the person would be dead. No police, just dead. I worked in a men’s prison 11yrs. Child molesters get protective custody and parole eventually. I would kill for my boys.
Added:
Jen
Did you ever report this? Go to the police and visit a children’s advocacy center.
Added:
Shannon
Hi,
I really need some advice. I have twin 3 year old boys who go to their fathers house every other weekend. When their father comes to pick them up they scream and beg me not to let them go. It has always broken my heart but instead of them getting use to go every other weekend with dad they still protest. My one son I noticed always came back constipated from the time he was one. I would have to use miralax and suppositories just to get him to go again. This past month I noticed him really struggling and avoiding going all together. I didn’t think anything of it until when I was at work one day my mom text me that one of my sons confided in telling her that daddy licks my butt, my mom told him that if anyone does that it’s is because they are doing something wrong. I was in shock but thought maybe he got confused with his dad using a form of laxative. I decided to let it go until he brought it up to me again as we were painting, he said mommy daddy licks my butt and that is bad I don’t want to see him any more. The next night after reading a bedtime story he brought it up again, I asked him did daddy do anything else? He said yes mommy he put his peepee in my mouth and it tasted really bad and he peed on me. I told him that is bad if anyone stuck anything in his mouth. He said I told him to stop but he hit me. I really need some advice here. I don’t want to neglect or put aside what my little ones are telling me. Are they too young for a child therapist ?
Added:
cynthia Dutra
Listen lady. IF YOU HAVE EVER IN YOUR LIFETIME LOVED YOUR LIL BOYS? YOU WILL GET [redacted], OFF THIS COMPUTER…IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT, RETAIN AN ATTORNEY RIGHT NOW, AND, HAVE HIM GO WITH YOU TO THE POLICE DEPARTMENT, IN THE TOWN YOUR [redacted] EX HUSBAND LIVES (WHERE YOUR LIL BOY WAS FORCED [redacted]) AND YOU WILL FILE CHARGES IMMEDIATELY!!!! [redacted]
NOTE: All of the comments submitted to DrGreene.com are moderated — that means a live person reads the comment to determine if it meets our guidelines before it is posted. We encourage people from multiple points of view to express their opinions, but we don’t allow comments that are:
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Added:
Janet hentenaar
my friend had a family member come home from 6 years ago he was 23 year old man he right started playing with her then 7 year old son carrying him around having has her son seton his lap laying on all covered up now the man is 29 and boy just turn 13 every time he around he has on his lap one day the boy said quit putting my hand on your penis i didn’t say anything right when kill the man she said they are just playing the boy say something amnd got mad we play all the time am i wrong to think that man is sick or is that norman
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Janet,
If you keep these two apart, what is lost? If you don’t, and there is a problem, what is lost?
Follow your instincts.
Hope that helps,
@MsGreene
Added:
Amber Y.
This man has been sexually abusing that child. You can’t have a more clear answer than that. This needs to be reported if it hasn’t yet.
Added:
Sunshiny77
The other day I walked into our 5 year old little boys bedroom to find he and his 5 year old friend ( a girl) making smoochy noises and moving around. I asked them what they were doing and my boy said ” I don’t know, mommy” the little girl immediately said “nothing”.
I told them to come out of the room and come play where we could see them. Before I was even done telling them this, my son was already out of the room and headed up the stairs. The little girl hadn’t realized and was busy turning off the light and was trying to close one of the doors to the room. I told her he had left and that she needed to come join us. I immediately informed her dad what I had walked in on and he said, ” She seems to just be so curious. We have talked to her about this often and told her it is not ok. I would talk to her right now, but I don’t want to embarrass her. I’ll do it when we leave.”
After the little girl and her dad left, my son broke down and was noticeably agitated. He led on to tell me that this little girl told him to take down his pants to show her his peepee. He said ” I kept telling her NO, but she made me and then made me touch her peepee. I didn’t like it and she wouldn’t listen and put her hands on mine and made me touch her and me.”
I was horrified!! He went on to tell me that this has happened before and began telling me at least 4/5 incidences. He explained to me he didn’t like it and that it made him feel bad. I had the conversation with him about what to do if something like this happens again. I told him that nobody not even a small friend should ever be asking him to show himself to her and that he should not ask somebody to show their privates to him. I told him he can always talk to us about anything he feels uncomfortable with or is unsure about or questions…Etc. I then called the little girls mom, her dads wife, to inform her what my son had just said.
Her mom said, frustrated, ” ahhh, we have gone rounds with her about this. We have talked to her about how inappropriate her behavior is towards her friends.” The mom led on to say, “Our daughter is just super curious and it doesn’t seem to matter who she’s curious with, boys or girls.” The mom explained to me that as parents, they do not know what to do about it because each time a situation like this is brought to their attention, their little girl shrugs it off “sheepishly”.
The night of the last incident, our son was up often to come wake me up. He was agitated the entire evening after she and her dad left and now, two days later, is still agitated and withdrawn. I ask him what he’s thinking about and he says, ” nothing, I don’t want to talk about it.” He has told me once today that I was in his “bubble” ( as I sat on the couch, a foot away).
As the hours go by since the last incident, I find myself becoming so angry with this little girl, but mostly I am feeling resentful and beside myself with anger toward her parents who are our very dear friends.
Even though I graduated with a degree in Child Psychology a minor in abuse, addiction and mental disorders, This… Is uncomprehendable to me. I am at a loss to know how to handle this issue more in depth as it is now MY CHILD. I am sick about it and sad for our little boy. I feel like this 5 year old little girl, his best friend, has stolen his innocence and introduced something to him that in all honesty I feel is too soon.
Please, somebody advise me how to further deal with this issue. How do I talk to my son about what happened? How do I get him to open up and talk about what has been happening with his friend? Is it considered “molestation” since they are both only 5 (even though he said, NO)? Is what she did to be considered malicious in any way or just plain curiosity? How do my husband and I move forward when talking to this little girls parents… Do we? Do we alert other families in our friend circle? PLEASE HELP!!
Many Thanks.
Grateful!
Added:
judy
i would ask the parents to go with you and your son there daughter to the hospital to get cheeked for sexual abuse and from there speake to social services ,clscs and whatever more help you can get go dont wait do it now and if they dont want to at least take your son and do all the abouve maybe stop them from play alone together from now on or stop it completely! Judy
Added:
Crystal
Omg, does anyone not see that this little girl has more than likely been touch herself, and probably is still being touched. This is a common sign and those parents should be looked at and everyone that is around her often. Don’t be mad at the little girl, who should not really know much about sex or private parts. Be mad at the parents for not getting her the help she needs, or be made at her abuser.
Added:
Christina
Firstly well done you in finding the courage to share your concerns about your son and what has recently come to light. I admire your honesty in saying you have a Child Psychology Degree yet no amount of coursework and study can prepare one to experience these kind of things in real life. So it’s important that you don’t feel ashamed or question your parenting because certain things are outside of your control. When you were made aware of it you provided your son with the reassurances that he felt he had because he told. Perhaps he’s become agitated for fear of being in trouble for what happened and that you’ll be angry with him. You just need to keep reassurancing him that you’re mad or anger. You could sit down with your friends and discuss the possibility of who is in the little girls life and who she regularly has contacted with or who is newly come into her life. The possibility of abuse occurring is probably slim but who you should look at this first in case there is an individual that fits the description. Then you should see your doctor and discuss this with them as they will have resources readily available to them they you may only be able to access with their referral. This would be your best port of call because they will be able to advise you of what services would be appropriate to contact. Because both children are so young this would unlikely be considered a legal matter and they are of the same age. Best of luck and remember the other parents sound very much like yourself, a bit lost confused as to what to do….
Added:
Indiana
My 5 yr old took the kindle back to the bedroom and when she came out. she put the kindle down and I picked it up to plug it up and I seen photos she took of her vagina and butt cheeks and anus. I asked her questions and she said her half brother that is 17 yrs old took her panties off and took pictures of her butt (that’s what she calls her privates down there) and he took his underwear off and show her is butt. She said he’s pushed her hard into the wall and her 15 yr old half brother hit her hard on the top of her head. I haven’t asked her if he touched her. I’m so scared and emotional and all over the places at that moment and now. I’m a single mother. me and my daughter live with my single mother. Harlie has been going to her dad’s every other weekend since the last weekend in Sept. 2015. That’s when her dad was wanting her every other weekend was in July 2015 so he took me to court. He was verbally, physically abusive to me, controlling, brainwashing, threatening, lied alot and cheated alot. I got the courage up July 22nd 2013 to break up with his stupid butt. He’s never called her but 2 times after the break up that was in July 2014 and seen her 3 times only since the break up and before the every other weekend thing. Her half brothers has seen porn since they were toddlers, been a tattoo parlor and seen a woman’s butt cheek being tatted, the 17 yr old has been with his mom to ICP concerts since he was 5 yrs old, she got they into cigarettes, alcohol, they dad got them into pot, they party, the 17 yr old lost his virgin at 10 yrs old to a 35 yr old at a swingers party, ….. I’ve heard alot of crap when I was with my daughter’s dad. Her dad and his gf and the boys are heavy smokers, potheads and alcoholics. My 5 yr old says she has to sleep in the bed with her dad and his gf. the 17 yr old sleeps on the couch. her dad has full custody of the 17 yr old. The boys are strange. Do you think my daughter is a curious 5 yr old? Do you believe something happened (I do and I don’t. but she’s my whole world.)? ???????????? my brain is everywhere.
Added:
Sharon
Your daughter said these things…. You need to believe her no matter what!!! You need to look into it further and stop letting her over there. This is discussing, and the way the house seems to be run is just as bad!
Stop taking your precious angel over there and get some help!!! All the best!
Added:
Laura
One thing at a time. Deal with the possibility that your older son might be abusing his sister. If he is, he must go elsewhere to live or the younger child must go elsewhere to live.
Added:
Mom
H (best friend) is notoriously dramatic. She gets really caught up in things – for example: she’s partially obsessed with end-times prophecy and the illuminati. She often tells me how all the hip-hop musicians are gay and they’re stuck in a sodom and Gomorrah lifestyle. She’s convinced that the illuminati runs this world and government (I believe in some of this, but don’t make a point of listening to videos about it daily, nor does it run my thoughts, as it does hers. She can’t sleep at nights because she’s always watching these crazy videos!)
H was sexually abused multiple times when young. More of a ‘you show me yours, I’ll show you mine’ type thing. Thus, she says that it’s made her very aware of people’s sexual nature. She also talks about it – or comments – about off the wall things with her kids. Not in a mean way, but she’s trying to let them know to be aware. I just think she’s pushed it into their heads though…over and over. H has four children, is married to a ‘tough to get to know’ guy. I’m constantly walking her through challenges in her marriage. I don’t mind. It’s what friends do. But as I’m stepping back from the situation, I’m seeing the constant drama that surrounds her.
She claims that her 4 yr old girl said that B (my 8-year old son) kissed her on the mouth and touched her privates. She also says that she’s found them hiding under blankets ONCE in the past and she thought that was weird. Personally, I think they were PLAYING, having fun, being silly! Not sexual!!!! That’s what kids do!
H has repeatedly told her children about molestation and what to look for. She also watches movies with them that I’d NEVER watch with my kids…things of a more sexual and romantic overtone. Her kids have seen things that mine never have.
My boys can be turds and annoying, but neither of them are interested in any kind of sex, kissing, or girls. They’re both still grossed out by it all. B has never, ever given even an ounce of concern about sexuality. Ever. If he did, then I’d be more apt to believe H. But I can’t make him out to be someone he isn’t.
We interrogated B the same night that H called at 1:30am. K (my husband, B dad) did most of it and initially asked nothing of B other than was there something he needed to tell us. The only thing he repeatedly said was that he pushed L (H’s daughter) once when they were playing because he got too competitive. He had no idea that we were asking more of him. Then we did ask him if he ever did anything to L that he shouldn’t have. He was confused and genuinely shocked…as we all were. K (an professional interrogator) came to the strong conclusion that B was telling the truth.
My home life is incredibly stable and loving.
My boys are sometimes exposed to too much violence through video games, but we don’t even let them play games that have sexy girls in the background. They’ve never seen a movie with sex, nor have they any interest to. I asked D (my older son, age 13, B’s best friend) if B has ever given him any reason to think that H could be right, and D said absolutely not. He’s the closest person to B, by far, and is just as confused as the rest of us.
I know that what L is saying is very specific and that is concerning.
This is my Goddaughter. I love her and would never want her hurt! If I thought B might have done something, I’d totally believe L and not B. But I’ve never had a single reason to doubt my son. L had never said anything like this though, but I know she watches these romantic shows with Heather and is also exposed to more sex talk than even I am.
I read an article last night that made it seem very clear to me that L is using her imagination. She’s a smart girl and also very vocal. My boys have also said that L tells a lot of lies if she isn’t getting her way.
I also talked to T (a schoolteacher friend) about sexual curiosity at various ages. She’s convinced that H ( my best friend) is being overly dramatic and that B is telling the truth. She’s met H before and I know has seen H in dramatic situations too (H met with me and my pastor, T’s husband) about her marriage before and T came in too.
FYI – D has said he has heard more sexual references at H’s house than he has anywhere else. But he’s just looked past them as have I. I simply thought H was just being way overly paranoid and overreacting to random things. From her kids early age, her and her husband have been crazy about even allowing their girls to show underwear or change a shirt in front of boys – even at the age of 2 – when there’s NOTHING sexual about a little girl’s body then. But I feel H has beat it into them. :(
I was never molested as a child and therefore do not have a point of reference here. I refuse to expose my kids to sexual innuendo nor will I sexualize them when they’re simply kids. But, I also don’t want to bury my head in the sand.
The issue is, what do I do now? We’ve chosen to believe our own children. And that means a break in a very strong friendship. But I’m not willing to accuse my son of something in order to save a this relationship. If I had any shred of doubt, I’d admit it. But I don’t. I believe my son.
As I type this, it sounds more like L has been exposed to something from someone else, but is using my son as the scapegoat. The issue with that is that L is only around her mom, her dad, siblings, and grandparents. I know them all well and can’t see any of them doing something awful to her. My only thought is that maybe L saw something on TV…?….I just don’t know.
I’m devastated at the idea of losing my best friend, but I am also seeing the drama that surrounds her. As I said, my home is very calm, loving, and wonderful. Even when we are annoyed with each other, we’ve actually managed to still remain close-knit.
My best friend has said she wanted to put all this behind us and move forward…chalk it up to kids being curious. However, I’ll be dam**d if I expose my kids to being blamed for something like this again!!
Anyway, reading these stories have broken my heart. I cannot believe how horribly horrific these children have been abused. I’m so sad and sorry for each and every one.
Added:
Confused and Devastated Mom
I’d like to add that when L says that my son touched her privates, it was on top of her pants. She also says he leaned in to kiss her at the same time. My son is clueless when it comes to things of a sexual nature. At least, that’s what me, his dad, and some close friends think. No one could see B doing this to her, nor has anyone been led to believe he’s even thought about things sexually.
I’m a stay at home mom. My boys are in school, but that’s the only time that they are away from my husband or I. They are both doing wonderfully in school, get along great with their peers, and are well-liked by pretty much everyone. Neither has been in trouble (yet! I’m sure it will happen at some point!!) at school. This is the first instance of an accusation against my kids and I’m just devastated.
As I already said, if B gave ANY indication that he was ‘curious’, I’d much more believe L. But he simply hasn’t.
Does this kind of thing happen often?? Is it just an anomaly? Where do I draw the line at believing my son as opposed to my goddaughter–who is known to make up stories and just turned 4.
Added:
Iam-iam
My 3 year old son has been dilated for 3 weeks now. It’s not everyday but it’s been 3 weeks since I saw him dilated for the very first time. When the first time I saw it, it wasn’t looking normal it was really big. I haven’t seen my son’s anus looking like that for 3 years that I have been changing him. Every now and then, when I changes his diaper sometimes his Anus stays open. We took him to the doctor, and the doctor says he was constipated. Previously,he vomit twice and complaining that his tummy is ahwe. We took him again to the emergency but then the doctors findings was still constipated. During The first and 2nd weeks since he was dilated, his cheeks butt was very, very hard, his anus is definitely changes. Don’t get me wrong I know what my sons anus looks like. I’m a stay home mom. I changes my sons diaper 24/7.
This week, I just found that my sons penis has cut around the tips of the skin.
The story was, my son was left with family at home; my mother and father in-law, my brother in-law and my step-daughter. My husband and I We were at the hospital for almost 5 hours. We left at 4pm and back around 9pm. As we got back I found my sons anus dilated.
Added:
Tara
Have you found anything out? I wouldn’t let him stay with anyone for a while till you know what is going on. If your instincts are telling you something more is wrong then listen.
Added:
Iam-iam
Hi,
Thank you for your reply. As of now nothing changes. I lost hope, it seems like whatever I do, no one would ever believe me. The doctors and my husband would never think that my son has been sexually abuse, because they can’t find any signs of his anus but only dilated which is they thought it was just constipated. I know my brother in-law did this. My 16 year old step- daughter told us that my son was in my brother in-laws bed room that night. She said they were just playing game on my son’s iPad. He’s 37 years old and for me he is a maniac bastard. To many kids with 3 different women’s with no child support. He was homeless, no one would ever take him except his mom. That’s why he’s at my mother’s in-laws house. We left my son on December 18 at 4:00pm because our twins were coughing so bad so my husband and I took them to the nearest hospital. My mother and father inlaw left to the party that night. If I have known that they would left at home,I would take my son with us. I am so lost right now, I felt nothing, i hate my self, I shouldn’t left my son or trust to anybody. I will never, ever left my son ever again. I will take with them with me. I hate families now, you will never know if you can trust them anymore!
Added:
Crystal
I don’t know if I got molested because I told him no several times and he still did it. I didn’t stop him at all I went with it cause I was 13-15 at the time :/ I mean I knew it was bad when I hit 16 and it happen again, but that time it did stop because I screamed. I told my parents and thy don’t believe me because I use to hang out with him (NOT ALONE) because he was with my friend. And I want to ask about rape — I was raped twice, but I told everyone two different stories. Now I look like I am lying when I am not. I just don’t know how I put it into words…
Added:
Tara
Have you been able to get help?
Added:
Jessica
Just yesterday night at about 9:30 pm I was going to give my four year old daughter some Motrin because she had a fever and before I gave her medication she slipped her hand inside her pajama pants and asked if she could pet herself. I was in shock with that question in itself and asked her why? where did she even grasp the concept of petting herself there? she said her daddy pets her there when she is watching dvd’s with him. we are divorced and he only sees her for 3 hours on a Sunday never consistently. I told her what do you mean by pet? she then made a hand movement in her pajama and I knew what she was saying was the absolute truth. I called the sheriffs department and made a statement and tomorrow I will be visiting the local cps department. I cried, yelled, threw up and felt a rage get a hold of me but I know I must maintain this trust with her. For three days she had been feeling sick and the thought of him seeing her or not did not seem to matter. Before she would be excited about leaving and those comments are no longer existent. I feel at this point angry. I have no appetite and I just wish she didn’t have to ever be exposed to something like that. I trust my daughter especially when she told me this it was when we were alone at randomly just before I was going to give her some Motrin. like out of the blue I got hit with this horrible event that happened to her and fully believe her.
Added:
Tara
Sounds like your instincts are right.
Added:
Sally
Good job mom to react so quickly!
Added:
SB
I’m married and my daughter who is 2 now sleeps in the bed with me and my husband. I’ve noticed that his behavior when I wake up in middle of night — he’s already awake, or turns over like sleeping, then gets straight up and goes to bathroom as if to use it. This happens like it a routine.
Added:
Anon
Please be very vigilant. This was one of the first signs I noticed when my partner started abusing our daughter. Same situation. It progressed with them playing in private “dens” or places where I was excluded or couldn’t see. This sounds like the beginning, but it won’t just go away. Watch out for signs, sexual, age inappropriate behaviour. Watch out if he becomes dependent on drink or drugs. Be ready to move out and take action immediately. Try to get “proof”. Without it you may find yourself in a very difficult position. Try not to leave them alone together. I wish you good luck. It’s far more common than we would ever dare to think about.
Added:
Anon
And buy an infra red motion sensor camera that will be triggered by movement and can see in the dark, then you can see what he is actually doing and you will have “proof” if you need it. I wish someone had told me to do this as it would have spared the abuse that followed. Good luck.
Added:
Renee
Dr. Greene I need your advice. My 12 year old son and 10 year old son have told me that their 15 year old brother continuously put his hands “up their butt” ” puts his finger in their “butthole” through their clothes. They ask him to stop but he will not. Their dad thinks just talking to the 15 year old fixes this. Is this sexual abuse? My son called me crying abt this. I want to call the cops. I have joint custody, I don’t want them around this kid. I was molested as a child and I am so angry that my ex, their dad, doesn’t take this more seriously. Any help?
Added:
Anon
Yes, that IS sexua abuse!! I sure hope you called the police and Department of Families and Children! A normal 15-year-old would not dream of doing something freaky like this! That’s messed up! I pray for your boys!
Added:
Anon
*sexuaL
Added:
Zoe
I found out 6 months ago that my 12 year old daughter has been raped. The police had a complaint about, this 15 year old lad, he was grooming young girls… Making them do sexual things, taking pictures against their will, then blackmailing them. The police have built a case against him, and have evidence. We are waiting for the court date, as this lad is still denying the allegations. I believe these girls 100%, and think, even after he is convicted, he will continue to groom young girls.
Any rape victims please get help, and report the attack. My daughter is trying to move forward in her life, and had counseling to help her move on. Only one person complained about him, and it turns out he has groomed many girls, and possibly more girls, we don’t know about.
Just wanted to share my story.
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Zoe,
Thanks so much for sharing. You are 100% correct. Victims needs to come forward, even though it is tremendously difficult.
I applaud your daughter for moving forward with her life and you for being her advocate.
Best,
@MsGreene
Added:
Zoe
victims do need to come forward, the police will protect you, and have fully supported us. Even if you don’t press charges, the police will keep a record of the incident. Kind regards zoe.
Added:
shaz
I was abused when I was eight for an entire school holiday and almost half a school term by a much older cousin. he was twenty two at the time. he started by molesting me. touching me down there and putting hez fingers in me then it gradually got to intercourse/ rape… he told me it was normal and every girl my age went through this. and if I told anyone my mom would gett really ill and die. so I didn’t tell anyone until seventh grade. after they taught about rape in school’s. I told the counsellor and my mom was called in. when they told her what happened and asked me to tell her she dismissed it and said I was too young when it happened how could I possibly remember. the funny thing is now I’m twenty one and still remember everything in perfect detail. on a certain occasion . at my two year old nephews funeral he was there. I now have a two year old daughter . so he cornered me in the church when no one was looking and said” if you ever say anything about why happened he wil do to my daughter what he did to me. it scared the shit out of me. hez a family member, we first cousins hez mine and mine are sisters so hez always around. popping in for random visits and staff like that. I don’t know how to protect my daughter from him. because when it happened to me it went unnoticed. I’ve reported him before to the police and childline services and they didn’t have any evidence because I took too long to report. help what do I do
Added:
raine
Tell everybody what’s happened. That’s the only thing u can do, can’tget help from d police. And tell ur daughter not to stick with him. Tell the truth before something bad happens.
Added:
Unidentified
I was too molested by my older cousin. When I was five my parents moved from one state to another and we had to stay with my aunt. Her 18 year old at the time would touch me. I was too afraid to tell my parents because they were so strict and talking about sex was taboo. So my cousin the pedophile used that against me to keep me quiet and scared. Thankfully it only lasted two months because my parents were to independent to stay living in someone else’s home.
I think if we would of stayed there more than two moths it would of gotten worse like rape. I never told anyone until I was 23. I finally told my parents because I was older and had my child. My parents were so mad and then I wished I would of said something a long time ago.
A few weeks before my uncle passed, my cousin contacted me as if nothing happened. I was confused, but my reply to him was I never forgot what you did to me. Do not ever contact me again. My cousin was a street fighter, got shot multiple times, but that did not make me hesitate to tell him how I felt. I saw him at the funeral and did not share a word with him nor he tried to say a word to me.
My advice to you is to stand up to your cousin and tell him in his face how you feel even if you have to say in front of other people. He is still using mental abuse against you. Do not allow it. Protect your daughter and educate her so it don’t happen to her. I had to educate my daughters as young as 2 years old. Why because there’s no age limit when a sick bastsrd wants to attack. Good luck and God bless.
Added:
anonomous
My husband often fondles me in his sleep after a few drinks and can never remember it i the morning, 2 nights ago our 8 year old daughter was sleeping between us and he mistaked her for me and I caught his hand between her legs, he has no memory of this what should I do
Added:
Lilly
You should be ashamed of yourself for knowing he does this and allowing your daughter to sleep between you when you know he’s had a drink.
And to answer your question, leave. Before he hurts her.
Added:
Tara
I agree! He has no business around your child or any child .
Added:
Minnie
I agree as well! 28th is pattern of fondling you…How could you take the chance on letting your daughter sleep in between the both of you? Your DEFINITELY setting her up to be FONDLED AS WELL!
Added:
Kim
God I am so sorry this happened too you both. When I was 14 I had a drunken step father who would crawl into bed with us. He claimed it didn’t happen until one night when he did I found my voice and screamed for my mother. She came running and as soon as he sobered up my mother and her family kicked him out.
I hated him long before he did this and I was so relieved when he was gone.
17 years after he left my sister (8 at the time) confessed to me that he had raped her several times. My mother doesn’t know but it comforts me to know that she would have “made him go away” if she had known. Please be strong, you can’t be awake and watching 24/7 but you can create a safe environment for you and your daughter where adults are responsible for their actions.
Added:
Anon
You should not allow your 8-year-old daughter to sleep in between the two of you…ya think?
Added:
B.R.E
Honestly, you shouldn’t let her sleep within him when he’s drunk, impersonal I don’t think you should fret too much about this because he was drunk.
Good luck
Added:
B.R.E
*with… sorry
Added:
Rebrcca
If you knew he does that to you, why would you even put your daughter In that situation?
Added:
Feeling hurt
My 8 year old shared with us that when she was at my mother in laws house my husbands uncle told her to put her hand in his pants and squeeze so she did and then he touched her and told her not to tell anyone it was a secret. And if she did he wouldn’t get her a Christmas present. When we questioned grandma who was watching her at the time she said she doesn’t know how it could of happened cuz she was not left alone with him at all! He has already served 8 years in prison for another charge in this same type of situation. So I believe that it happened but both grandma and the uncle say it didn’t. I know if I take this to anybody the police will be involved and weather or not he will go back to prison with his past record. But I’m just not 100% with grandma being so set on the fact that she doesn’t know how it could of since she was right there with her the whole night. What do I do?
Added:
Sally
Hello!! Protect your child! NO question about it! Imagine you told your mom that and she did nothing about it!
Added:
Gary
Hi,
I had an Easter party a while ago which I invited family and neighbours to. We have an outside bar and bbq area. It was a lovely sunny day. My next door neighbours who, at the time we got on well with, and have come twice before for food and drinks etc. and til recently enjoyed their company. However, it changed rapidly when my male neighbour propositioned my 15 year old daughter to watch his wife [redacted by moderator] and if she wanted to join in. I was directly in front of him when he said this and said several times for him to stop what he was saying however he continued. I waited til my friends family and daughter had left to approach him with my concerns. He kicked off saying I was over reacting. I pointed out clearly my daughter was 15 and that at any age he had no right ramming his sexual thoughts or participations to my daughter or any female. It was degrading and immoral and totally disgusting. He threatened to beat me to a pulp. His wife backed him up and said your daughter can make her own mind up and she knows where we are if she wants to come round our door and arms will be open to welcome her. I’m still very disgusted and don’t know what to do or who can helpJ
Added:
Dan
Move your family far away, those people are nuts!
Added:
candace
I need help am not sure what is going on with my 3 year old. I have three daughters and there there father recently came to reside in the state we live in. I am very cautious about my daughter’s being a victim of abuse myself. My three year old told me her dad shows her movies on his phone with “what man’s have and what I have”. She also said he licks and sucks on her toes.Those were her exact words. She seems to act sensually with a couple of other children as well. I explained my concerns to her father actually I cursed him out, he says she is three and makes things up and that I need to go to counseling…I have not seen any physical evidence and when I ask her if daddy touched her no no areas she quickly said no and then says she doesn’t want to talk about this. What does this mean? What do I do?
Added:
amanda
Hey it would call the local investigators get her into a child advocate center to talk to a specialist they will know but the end of interview if she’s been seeing things she’s not suppose to or that she’s been messed it, to me sounds like she’s seeing to much on daddies phone and if she don’t want to talk about it sounds like she’s afraid, talk to her tell her u know I don’t keep secrets from u ur my best friend would u keep a secret from me? But Aldo children open up about that stuff when they’re ready it took my daughter a yr and a half to open up and say she had been messed with, don’t force her to open up though or she’s do the opposite , also since she told me about the videos keep a extra eye on her grades and behavior at home and school. If it all continues call dhs because its red flags and if u let her go back after knowing about it that can hold u responsible for everything that happened after ur knowledge of it.
Added:
Tara
Get her evaluated by a professional and do not let her around her dad.
Added:
Anonymous
Ok so…….This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever done but I seriously need help!
Ok so I have a daughter who is 8 almost 9. I only get her on the weekends. I never met my daughter until she was 6 almost 7. I fought hard with her mother to be able to see her. Finally the beginning of this year I was able to bring her to my house for the weekends. She quickly became very attached and is a huge daddies girl lol. Well…….it didn’t take long for some weird things to happen.
First we had gone camping. It was me, my wife, her, my son hes 5, and my other daughter who is 6 months old. Me and my wife slept in the middle of the tent and my son slept on one side of the tent and her and the baby shared the room on the other side of the tent. Now side note. My daughter has a wetting issue. She would pee herself before you could get to a bathroom most times and would wet the bed. Her mom blamed it on a bladder issue and claimed she was going to have her checked out. Anyways. My daughter claimed she was scared cause she had never gone camping before. I tied up the curtain to her side and let her sleep close to our bed and we went to sleep. Well at some point in the night she had snuck into our bed. I awoke to my wife climbing out of the tent the next morning and noticed my daughter was in our bed next to me. She had no pants on. Just her pullup?? I was weirded out and woke her and told her to put her pants back on. By this time I just got up and went out of the tent. Next thing I know my wife confronts me saying that she told her I had made her take her pants off. I WAS ASTONISHED!!!! I would never in my life do such a thing!! I obviously denied such an accusation and called her over and asked her why the heck would she say such a thing and why on earth did she have her pants off anyways?? She froze up and said idk. Well I may have made a mistake but I told her not to say such things because people could get the wrong idea. I mean let’s face it. I’m in a heck of a spot here!
Now nothing happened for a while and although she is my daughter I am on the defensive obviously lol. I don’t bath her. I don’t help her change. I don’t do anything. Heck for the longest time I was even afraid to be alone with her! It’s terrible and sad cause this is my child.
As time goes on I get comfortable with her and figured whatever the heck was going on was long over and proceeded to be a daddy.
Now just recently here comes more weirdness. She is down for a weekend and I notice she seems to be rubbing her area on my leg when she’s on my lap. I found it strange but…….Once again I blow it off due to a lovely conversation I got to hear between my wife and her friends about young girls and humping everything. They teased me about it saying get ready cause all girls do it. Referring to my youngest baby girl. So beings I had the unfortunate pleasure of being a part of this conversation prior to this even. I figured that was what it was and just tried to ignore it.
So here’s where the even bigger issue begins. She’s here one weekend and me and the kiddos are on the couch watching a kids movie we had rented. This was normal for us to do over the weekend. Kinda a family tradition. Well anyways she is on my lap and my son laying against me. Well my son falls asleep and after a little while I start to dose off myself. I feel my daughter moving around and she took my hand and next thing I know she slides it down her pants! I very quickly jerk it away and ask her what she is doing! She immediately says “I don’t like it” I’m like…….ok??…….why did you do it then??…She repeated what she said. So I got up and took her to the other room as to make her more comfortable with nobody hearing what she’s saying. I asked her again why she did this. I got the same response. So I asked if she had been touched by anybody. She responded quickly shaking her head and saying no. Very confused and distraught I told her we do not do this ever and if anyone does that to tell mommy or daddy and gave her the whole speach on touching.
Well that stopped for a while. Until just last weekend. Me, her, and her brother was jumping on the trampoline and had gotten worn out and sat down. My son was being silly and she was sitting next to me. She laid against me and I put my arm around her and laid my head on her as in an affectionate hug like daddies do. Well next thing I know she takes my hand and again tries to put it in her pants only this time I realized what she was doing and pulled away fast! My wife comes out to spend time with us and I went to stand by her and talk. My daughter comes and stands in front of me and pulls my hands to her tummy. I continue to talk to my wife and once again I felt her moving my hands down. I pulled away from her and in a daddy tone I told her she needs to go play and she listens. I drive her home that night and told her she needed to stop that and asked her more questions. All I got was silence and awkward stare out of her.
I am very concerned and I know somthing is behind this. However here the problem that I haven’t yet mentioned. The camping trip incident already made my wife think I had done something. Sure she says she believes me and hasn’t brought it up since but I know my wife and she continues to question I’m sure. Then ontop of that her mother is very quick to scream false accusations against people. She has on many of guys. I’m lucky she didn’t on me back in the day. She even accused her other daughters dad of wrong doing because her other daughter came home playing with her books and laughing. Personally I know the girls dad and know he wouldn’t and the more I learn about kids. It really seems innocent kids play. It only happened once and nothing of any nature since but either way that’s how her mom is.
Now. What on earth do I do here?? I want sooooo badly to help my daughter. However in a since with the whole camping incident and how her mother is. I’m scared to spill the details of my daughters weird behavior for fear that things will end up twisted and me ending up as the one accused of the wrong doing. If that happens not only would I loose my daughter very quickly but also my wife would leave me in a heartbeat. There’s a lot at stake here. However if I let it go it’s gonna wind up with me in trouble anyways because she is getting bolder and bolder with these encounters.
Basically what I’m saying is. I want to help my daughter but at the same time I fear that I am in a bad situation of being blamed for something I am not to blame for. Yea I’m totally scared to mention any of this. Especially with everyone so eager to blame a man for doing bad things to children.
WHAT DO I DO?? PLEASE HELP!
Added:
Cheryl Greene
First, I am not a healthcare professional. I am a wife and a mother. Take anything I say here as one parent to another.
I would recommend you do some research and find a good marriage, family, and child counselor in your area. Make an appointment and see the counselor yourself. Lay everything out. Be completely honest and provide details. Probably the counselor will want to see you and your wife together so you can explain your concerns. The counselor will likely want to see your daughter alone to get her to confide in the counselor without adults around. A good counselor can bring things out of kids that parents can not.
As you’ve said, doing nothing is not a good way out. Don’t wait for something bad to happen, if you do, you’ll come off as defensive. If you get ahead of this, you have a chance of convincing your wife that you’re not a bad guy.
Hope that helps.
@MsGreene
Added:
Brandy
I think its true you are in a difficult situation. But its great you’re trying to get to the bottom of the situation and you should. Seeing that you all relationship is new she may not trust you enough to disclose herself to you. In my opinion your wife would be better at talking with her or even her mother. But the BIG thing is….you CAN’T say someone else wouldn’t do such a thing. Believe me, i was a victim from 2 to 14 because no one believed someone would do such a thing. Get her some counseling. Play therapy would be good. But i pray things work out for you. Don’t rule out ANYONE…. It may have been a father figure and now she acting those fantasies on you in her mind. She needs help now. Thats not normal and DON’T judge her…. Protect her. Don’t go off on her. When she does things like that. Redirect her but don’t offend and ask her questions like who does this to you? In her mind it may be a bad touch or a good tough. Just being honest I was molested and raped for so long. I enjoyed the feeling after a while and that’s so sad to know now that I’m older.
Added:
Anonymous
OK so we have got it worked out. She was being molested by her step dad and was trying to act out with me the things that was being done to her. She had a really bad night and woke up crying and screaming his name and to stop. We took her to the hospital for an exam and CPS and the police got involved. He has been charged and her mother has lost custody of her to me. She is now safe and sound and we have her with a really good councilor. Everything is getting better.
Added:
Sally
Call the authorities and a therapist. It will only show you didn’t do it. Try to help her get to the bottom of her issues. Find out the truth.
Added:
Kizzie
My 12 year old daughter is acting out of control. I just recently started seeing a man that I’ve been with for about 9 months. Since dating him I realized that he would wait until I go to sleep and get up and roam around the house after I’d asked him not to. He gets angry when I get on to her about things that she, being 12 should know better to do. She’s had different odor’s on her, which to me is the smell of male seman inside and is now exiting her. She lies when I ask her and he shows favor to her out of all my other children. I need help on figuring this out and how to bring whatever is going on to the light before she ends up pregnant. Please help me. Thank you.
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Kizzie,
I’m not a doctor, but I am a mother. Here’s my take …
It doesn’t matter if the worst thing you think is going on, is or is not. From what you’ve described you do not trust this man. That is no way to build a long-term relationship.
The sooner you end this relationship the better for everyone.
Follow your mother’s instinct. Your kids come first.
@MsGreene
Added:
Lil
He’s Inviously a Preditor!! Get Him Out of Your House& Call The Police FIRST!! It’s There Right in Frint of Your Face Do Sime Thing Now Before Its to Late & Moves on to Your Other Children!!
Added:
LittleL
“Before she was up pregnant”? Are u serious? That is your main concern right now?
Get this reported. Do you honestly think she is going to disclose to a mother whose main concern about her daughter being abused is that she will end up pregnant?
Added:
Anonymous
Hi, I just need some advice. A family member is touching me inappropriately now, I’m not sure, 3 years. It’s actually made me scared to talk to boys. He doesn’t do it all the time, but he does quite often. I’ll be with him most of next weekend and I’m actually scared incase he rapes me. Does this count as sexual abuse?
Added:
Cheryl Greene
If anyone is touching you inappropriately, you need to talk to an adult you trust. Go to your parents if you can. If you are afraid to tell your parents, tell your school counselor or a teacher. If there is no one at school you trust find a clergy member or call child protective services. You should not be alone with someone who has touched you inappropriately.
@MsGreene
Added:
Lil
Or Better Still Go to The Police!! Immediately!! No One has The Right to Touch Any One!!
Added:
Darcy
9 yr old sister asked her 7 yr old brother(me) to lick her genital 12 years ago. I didnt remember it until now. Its unbearable and feels like ripping me apart. Happened once. We’ve been happy and caring siblings. I cant ask my sister about this what happened then. And I dont think she’s been subjected to any molestation or any of such kind as she’s always been happy and cheerful.
1) Is this normal behaviour in children to do such things as they’re curious about knowing them?
2) Did she do it with awareness or was it a playful act?
3) How to resolve this? I also have the doubt that whether this really happened.
Added:
Anon
I’m going to assume you meant 19 and 17 years old now and 7 and 5 years old at the time. Either way, NO, it is not normal. It could have been something she saw on TV, or it could be that she may have been molested. I suppose the only way to find out would be to ask her. She may or may not recall it, though.
Added:
Darcy
She was 91/2 years of age and I was 7years 10 months old back then. Yes, I did ask her later. She told she doesnt remember that and she was abused and thats probably why she behaved so. Is it POSSIBLE for a 91/2 year old to act in a lustful way?
Added:
Michelle
I’m very frustrated. My 3 year old son had displayed sexual behavior as I saw it so. I would catch the dog licking his penis, my son jumped pillows, tried touching his sisters vagina, and her friends, and tried putting his penis on them as well. When he would get angry he pulled his eyelashes and hair out and used objects to scrape up and down his arms. He admitted he had been sexually abused by the daycare provider and her boyfriend and my 7 year old daughter admitted as well. When asked by their father and the authorities they recanted everything they said to me. I’ve called children protective services everytime they confide in me but then they recant again!! I’m very confused and frustrated right now. Are these signs of abuse? Am I nuts for thinking they’ve been abused?
Added:
Er
Perhaps they recanted it because it was n0t the presch00I but was the father and when the father was there they are scared.put a mini cam in a fI0wer 0f daughters dress 0r hair piece and see what g0es 0n at sch00I an get nanny cam in b0th r00ms n0t teIIing father ab0ut it and where and where eIse they can be aI0ne in h0me with0ut y0u b0thering. Ive seen kids bIame s0me0ne eIse an n0t give same st0ry when abuser in r00m t0 test y0ur Trust.
Added:
Lil
The things you have discribed hair pulling skin mutilation is a sign of sexuall abuse!! It happens to my child!! Get The Police!!& the children should be interviewed with Only You!! With Them.. They are Scared of what will Happen if they Tell when the other Abuser (person) is in the same Room!.
Added:
yeimy hernandez
I have a situation. My daughter and step dad always got along. Last night they went ice skatting and on the way home he said can I do something, I was curious and she said what, and he pinched her boob. She felt awkard and the next morning told me. I confronted both him and her and he didn’t denied that he did that. He claim he don’t know why he did that. What should I do?
Added:
trying to help
You should tell him to leave the house and figure out an answer to give you before he can come home. Also, you should go to a family counselor. What he did would be regarded as molestation…you should make sure you keep your daughter safe from anything progressing.
Added:
Anonymous
Hi so my story is I was in preschool I was around three or four and I was in the classroom a very small classroom in this boy around my age he pulled me off to the side and he asked me to pull down my pants and I don’t know why but I just listened and he started rubbing my butt and then my vagina and then the teacher was coming back so I pulled up my pants and acted like nothing ever happened and I just want to know would you consider that sexual abuse or not because it’s been haunting me my whole life and I am now 16 and never told ONE person … but it’s like I didn’t do anything to stop it so I feel like it was partly my fault so I feel like it wasnt really sexual abuse
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Children at that age have no idea what sex is all about. As adults, we instruct about private parts, but that’s not enough information for a child to understand what’s going on. This is why children at that age should be supervised.
It’s very sad you had this experience and that it’s haunted you all these years, but should understand — you are not to blame.
As to the boy who was involved, we have no idea what’s happened to him since, but it’s good for you to forgive him and move on.
Hope that helps,
@MsGreene
Added:
earline.cobb331@gmail.com
Dr . Greene,
My granddaughter is 7yr old and she is being molested by her dad. It’s a long story, but this all started when his wife left. Now her dad has 50/50 custody. He is abusing her. They don’t believe the child. They’re trying to say that the mother is behind this. It is not true.
This is an African American with very dark skin so bruising won’t show very well. The child is telling her mother, but the judge told the mother if she calls the police again that they would take the child from her and give the child to her dad. The child is showing all the signs wetting on herself, not able to sleep at night, won’t be still. Can you please tell me what we can do? No one believes this child. I just don’t understand.
Added:
TruthTeller
Why do you believe the mother over the judge, police, and the father?
Added:
Cheryl Greene
I believe the person asking this question is the maternal grandmother of the child.
Added:
eb
she believes the child…
Added:
Veronica
My husband got physical and legal custody of my stepdaughter more than a year ago because her mom was always on drugs and in and out of jail. She told me a while ago that someone had touched her peepee and we called the police and we got a detective to work on the case but pretty much they couldn’t do anything because she was 3 at the time and she didn’t remember who did it!!?? She’s 5 now . the other day I walked into the kids bedroom I noticed my 2 year old putting a toy on my stepdaughter private area (she had clothes on) I asked what were they doing and she said their playing caca peepee game and that my stepdaughter made it up! I asked her why is she playing that and if anyone has ever touched her and she said “mom used to put her finger in my peepee and rub my butt”. I was shocked!!! She pointed at her first finger and said with this finger!!!! Is it possible she making it up?? Or could she be confused?? I need help!!
Added:
Er
aIways beIieve the chiId she d0nt just make this crap up s0me0ne hurt her
Added:
Anon
Actually, sometimes children do make it up; however, I hope you got authorities involved to try and find out. It is very rare for a mother to molest a daughter, but that does not mean the child is making it up or that it doesn’t happen. With the mother being on drugs, that could obscure her mentality. Either way, it is damaging this little girl if it’s true. Did you call authorities?
Added:
Robbie
Over the passed week I was informed by my sister that her child had a complete melt down and had to be sent to the office to speak with the counselor because he was so out of sorts that the school was worried about him. The counselor called my sister and her boyfriend into the office because the counselor couldn’t get him to talk. When he did finally talk, he told them that one day over the summer that my son had been watching TV and pulled his underwear to the side and licked his penis and he pushed him away! So on this very day my sister shows up at my house uncontrollably crying and upset, goes on to tell me what was said. I turn to my son and ask what’s he talking about. My son is 8 years old so he says, “I don’t know” and starts crying. So I leave and drive down the road asking all kinds of questions, trying to use grace so he will open up. Finally he tells me his truth and its a bit different from his cousin’s truth. So my son tells me that he did lick his penis, but only after his cousin told him to and that he did it very fast, only a second, but when he stopped his cousin told him to do it for 10 minutes. My son told him No and then they went back to watching cartoons! Sense the summer my nephew has came over and spent the night (just the weekend before this melt down at school) he spent the night and No behaviour on either part (his or my son’s) to suggest they had a problem with each other. But then 3 days later he can’t breath and is in the counselor’s office?????? I am a lost mom right now because I love my son and nephew, but it has caused a BIG issue between me and my sister because she believes her son and I believe mine. So what should we do???? Heartbroken Family Right now!!!!!!!
Added:
Anon
I know this is old, but things like this happen with curious children. I am no physician, but I do have two nephews (cousins) who did something similar around age 5. There was a third kid involved, non-relative, too. They were all talked to about it and then all parents involved kept a very close eye on all the boys when they were together. There was also some animosity between the parents at first, each blaming the other parent for letting their kid see this or that on TV, etc. They all got over it, though, and we carried on with family functions and just let it go.
All of these boys are grown now, the cousins are still the best of friends, and they think nothing of it – probably don’t even remember it!
Added:
kelly
hi I came about this website as desperately searching for answers ..I have no idea what to do ….I am a young mom I am 21 my child is now 21 months ..this has been her first year in cresh for her first year of her life she has stayed home with me ..she goes to a day mommy who has other helpers and the kids are sometimes left alone with these helpers ..this school has always given me a funny vibe but I have had the thought back in my mind that maybe I was over reacting ,there are a few other kids that go to this cresh to …as being a sexually molested child myself, I find that I am very insecure with people around my daughter and even battle to trust my own husband he has never let me doubt for a second that he would do anything but because of my younger years this sort of thing comes rom the person least expected. for the past couple of months my daughter has had a whole personality change , I thought it was maybe the influence of the other kids seeing as shes the only child??.but the way she has changed lately leaves me to think other wise…in the beginning it started off with her sometimes fighting with me to get in the bath or taking off her nappy..she has always been a bit clumbsy but lately has a lot of scratches on her back ,she sometimes has loss of appetite and is VERY clingy and all of a sudden cries easily my child is very strong she is not like this she is so sensitive lately I just don’t know what to think and has recently become a favourite of a teacher at her school this sort of behavior just makes me scared need advice please!!!
Added:
Melanie
Hi, I am in the exact same situation. she’s changed so much and her creche has a tendency of keeping things from myself and other parents. It makes me nervous because she’s so different, quiet and nervous, around the staff,, cries when its bathtime and she has to take her clothes off, she’s been wetting and soiling her pants -at school only- and they try to tell me its my fault but she’s completely potty trained with me. her end year show is coming up in a week, since Thursday she’s been having nightmares, crying in her sleep, not wanting school as much and now I’m even too afraid to sign the release form so they can practice at the concert venue because I think its her teacher who has been complained about by other parents concerning physical abuse.
I’m scared something will happen and i’ll never know. when I try to talk to the creche principal about anything to do with my child, she tries to indirectly tell me that I’m being nosy and a nuisance. I’m pulling her out next year but what about now?? everyday counts!!!
Panicked!!
Added:
Anon
My niece had this same concern about her daughter with a man that was a “helper” at her daughter’s daycare. She pulled her out the same day that her daughter mentioned this man kissing her cheek. She never took her back and spent a few days finding a new daycare that has camera surveillance so she could actually log in and see her daughter throughout the day. I’m not sure what “creche” is, but I’m assuming either daycare or kindergarten? Either way, no one should tell you you’re a nuisance when you have concerns that someone there is touching your daughter. That’s suspicious to me…that they would act that way instead of investigating. I sure hope both of you were able to remove your baby girls from their respective schools!
Added:
vic
My grandma raised me. She was the most important person in the world to me. She was all I had as a parent.
My grandmothers male friend claimed to be important, which was definitely is not the case. From about the age 7 to 11 he would touch me and make me touch him. He called it a big hug. (I am 30 now). He told me if I told anyone about it he would kill my grandma and he showed me with what he would do it. He had a 303 shot gun and slugs under his bed in a unlocked case. So I didn’t dare say a word about it until he was no longer a threat. The day he passed away from a heart attack was the day I told her what he had done. She told me and I quote, “I wish you would have told me before, I would have sued the bastard for everything he owned.”
I pushed what happened aside and went on with my life. I have no problems talking about my experiences now, about how and what happened, but on my terms.
(Please make sure that you know for sure of who it was because wrongfully accusing someone will stay over their head for life and ruin someones life forever.)
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Vic,
I am so sorry you went through this. No child should ever be in the position you were in.
Thank you for this heartfelt, wise encouragement to others.
Best, @MsGreene
Note: I am the co-founder of DrGreene.com, but I am not Dr. Greene and I am not a doctor. Please keep that in mind when reading my comments and replies.
Added:
Anonymous
I just turned 15, I have 2 young siblings, my parents are divorced and have both remarried, I am very worried when we stay with my mother and stepfather. My younger sisters never want to leave my dads house. Every weekend we leave they cry so much. They have started doing some pretty weird things too, but my dad doesn’t notice as much. When we go to my mom’s, she works a lot. I try to keep a close eye on them, but my stepfather tells me to do chores and I am very afraid of him. I am sure they are being hurt, but they don’t like to talk about it much. I just don’t know what to do. I am going to tell my stepmom soon, I just don’t know what to say.
Added:
Cheryl Greene
It’s great that you are looking out for your younger siblings.
Have you tried telling you mom that you are afraid of your stepdad? And that you are worried about your younger siblings? She needs to know. Can you talk to your father about your fears? You mentioned your stepmom as an option. Are there other people like you high school counselor? A Priest or Pastor?
Whether there’s a deeper problem or not, it’s important that you listen to your inner fears and take action.
Added:
Amanda
Please Tell someone you trust Right now! Don’t let the abuse occur even one more time. Support your sisters and tell them that no matter what someone threatens to do, that you believe them and you will help protect them. Good Luck. But again- TELL SOMEONE RIGHT NOW! Tell a trusted adult, tell a teacher, counselor or principal at school or just tell the police, just please tell someone.
Added:
Clearwater
Hi I have a question. When I was about 5 or 6 , I remember my dad giving me a bath. I recall thinking ..this is unusual but thought it was OK as mum was away and someone needed to bathe me. I very clearly remember dad moving his fingers inside and around my vagina. I remember thinking ” this is a little unusual but maybe dad is making sure I am ‘clean’. I then remember him pusing his finger very lightly into my vagina to the point it hurt. As soon as I reacted to the pain, which was pretty instant, he pulled away, threw a towel at me and left. I can not remember anything else ever happening like that but i remember being very consious of myself when I was around him, like covering up. I am 35 yrs old now and lately this as come to haunt me. Am I over reacting to a minor incident? ?:(.
Added:
shirley
Just reading your post, I can tell you right off you were sexually abused. He had no right to touch you in such a way and the other thing is he felt guilt and didn’t do it anymore. So maybe he never bothered anyone else, but can anyone be sure? I am so sorry for what he did to you. I pray that you find the answers you seek so you can find peace of mind.
Added:
Anonymous
definately not over reacting, what he did was awful
Added:
Anonymous
That same thing happened to me, except I was 11-12. My dad would come upstairs to wake me up and he tried “tickling” me to wake me up. After a couple times, he started going under my clothing and touching my vagina and breasts, he also tried to get me to touch his penis. I pretended to be asleep because I was scared of his reaction. This happened for about a month or two. I figured out that if I wake up and get up before he came to wake me up he would leave me alone.
Recently I found out about a girl who was molested by her father and it made me very emotional and brought back those memories. I can’t get them out of my head, I am 20 years old, it feels like just yesterday tho. So I’m trying to figure out, was I molested?
I live at home with my parents still, and I feel very uncomfortable around my dad… What should I do?
Added:
Andrea
Anonymous,
I don’t know if the correct term is molested, but I would think it is, and it was definitely not an appropriate touch. There is no reason a man should ever be touching a girl’s vagina at that age (or ever, you understand, unless briefly bathing her or something), and of course it wasn’t right to go under your clothes and touch you, period, nor to try to get you to touch him. I think you should get the police involved and talk to a counselor. I am so sorry this happened to you.
Added:
Michael Frizzell
Your father putting his fingers in your vagina is not a minor incident and you are certainly not over reacting. I would consider going to a counselor or something really, you were very young so you don’t even see or know how it has and is affecting you still and talking to a professional could be beneficial.
Added:
Will Cannella
if that’s the only thing that ever happened and it only happened once yes you overreacting needless to worry
Added:
MLM
Oh Will you’re an idiot! Obviously you’ve never been abused or you ARE an abuser! Why tell someone that if someone only touched you once you’re over reacting!! Let someone abuse you and we’ll just sit here and tell you, you’re over reacting!
Added:
Kay
I feel deep in my heart that my 6 year old grandson is being molested and him and I are very close .I know he is going to tell me about it soon.I have not said one word to him about this at all. He comes to my house and he never wants to go home .He cries every time I leave him when I take him back home. He gets real queit the whole ride there. He recently started having nightmares. Real bad ones and wetting the bed, mom warned me when I picked him up Monday. He did not a single nightmare nor did he wet the bed the 2 nights he stayed. When I took him home today . He was so quiet and sad .He told me he really loved me and that I shouldn’t,t have to take him to his moms that I should take him home to our home grandma where its safe. I need to handle this right . I know my suspicion are right(more then this has occurred). I want to know the best way i can help him legally ,mentally, and to gain custody. He has only been with mom since she took him from me n my state in 2013, lost custody to cps a month later,got custody back because CPS is blind and deaf and she talked a good one and cries and because if you can.t afford a lawyer or compete with one in court( 6 years of law school) and a practicing lawyer vs grandma Right
Added:
Amanda
Please call the police right away! It is Your obligation to keep this child safe.
Added:
Mob
Is it strange for a grandfather to want to give his grandsons ( 5 and 2 ) a bath. And for him to shower with his 6 year old grandson? And sometimes the 6 year old sleeps in grandpa’s bed too when he stays overnight ( the 6 year old has had sleeping issues; as in he doesn’t like sleeping by himself ). Is that weird too?
Added:
KD
Dear MOB, Yes that is weird. No normal grandfather/father/uncle/brother wants to give young children a bath just to clean them. You have absolutely nothing to lose by NOT having the grandfather bath or sleep with the children, but you have a very good possibility of enabling a child molester if you do. My grandfather was a child molester and he would “take naps” with me- my mother insisted I take a nap. Kids want to be loved, cared for and given attention. Child molesters are sneaky and clever. They know how to take advantage of a totally innocent child- and silence them- and lure in trusting, stupid, passive, weak adults who don’t follow simple safety protocol to protect their children. or worse, they are too cowardly to stand up if they do know because a child was brave enough to tell them.
There should be rules: Rule #1, only a trusted parent baths a child, Rule #2, children do not sleep, nor lay down with, other adults. Rule #3, no kissing on the lips, nor passing of food from mouth to mouth, from ANY adult, ever. period. That goes for no forced hugs either. RULE #4, No body touches your body or looks at your private parts and you don’t look at or touch- with any body part- other people’s private parts. No messaging, no butt slapping, no fondling of any kind and no “accidental” touching, and esp no tickling (which is not fun- just because a kid laughs it is not FUNNY it is forced and it actually hurts and leads to the “accidental” touching. (which is not the kids fault if it does happen, you need to reiterate that- but they do need to tell you if it does)
Rule #4, ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS. if you are being signaled in some way that something is not right, you need to act on that. It is like your angels talking to you. KIDS CAN’T PROTECT THEMSELVES. They have to have an adult who has the moxy and courage to be the HERO in their life-whether they know it or not. Make no apologies for standing by your rules or for keeping your children safe. (and when I say your children I mean all the children in your life-look around your circle, they are all yours to protect) That is your right and responsibility.
Rule #5, TELL. If you know it or think it, or have your doubts. Express your concerns with other parents who have children that may be exposed to that person as well. Also you should express to that person how you feel/think. They may get offended. But oh well. If they are bad, you put them on notice, kids in your circle will not be messed with. It they are good, they will appreciate your honesty and straightforwardness and see how their actions are being interpreted and make adjustments to their behavior to respect your wishes. You may just save a child from life long turmoil-which can present itself in so many adverse ways as they grow into adulthood.
Added:
Yanuayra
I have a nine,seven and six yr old.they were taken away from me in the past.unfortunately their father has custody of the 7 and 6yr old.my gutt is telling me that their father is molesting them.we broke up because I woke up one day, and he was on his kneesknees in front of me masterbating he was touching me on top of my clothes.I’m usually a very heavy sleeper. When I confronted him with my mother present he said I was just too smoked out and lying.now my daughters are extremely secretive I’m afraid that their hidding it from me because hes blackmailing them,maybe threatened or being black mailed but they appear to be nervous when they know I’m watching repeatedly hugging him in front of me
Added:
Mrio
My sister is 51 now and although she has always known she was raped by our father..who is dead now..she is just beginning to remember the worst of the details..through flooding of flashbacks and horrendous night terrors. She has shared these details with us, her family, and they are horrific. The abuse began when she was 4 until she was 11. No one knew as my father was a sneaky bastard taking her to abandoned parking lots and junk yards or waitng for the house to be empty and they woyld be alone also telling her he would kill her and me if she cried or told anyone. So at 4 she learned to not cry, not feel, and protect her entire family. She was also tortured and physically beaten. She was taken to the doctor on several occasions for severe bladder and kidney infections as well as why she was still wetting her bed at 8-10 yrs old. Now this was late 60s and 70s..but not one doctor question why so many infections or bedwetting. In fact she was lectured about not drinking enough water. They didn’t protect her. She always hoped they’d figure out her infections were due to rape. She was too afraid to tell. She was just sent home for more abuse. I woder if she can sue the medical community we dealt with at the time? Had just one doctor suspected what seems so obvious now, sexual abuse and called authorities..she might have been spared years more of this horror. But, she’s now in and out of psych wards and stabilization therapy and group therapy but nothing is sticking. She recently tried to kill herself but we stopped her in time. So afraid she will try again.
Added:
Cheryl Greene
What a terrible and sad story. My heart goes out to you and your sister.
Added:
grace
I am the grandma. I visit my 2 year old grand-daughter 3 times a week. This is what I have observed. For two years. I have found on the computer of my daughters house, showing porn site, which is my son-in-law views. I was not happy with this. Her dad has always bath her and I have told my daughter numerous times this is not appropriate. My daughter seems to think its okay . I notice dad seems to have the mom preoccupied with something else,while he baths her. She is 2yrs old now and this is still continuing. Then my daughter tells me when she baths the granchild (dad out of town), the grand baby actually poses laying down nude side was like you would see in a playboy magazine. Then I decide to give her a bath and she does the same thing for me. Then my daughter says that she finds out that the mother -law tells her that she should not leave grand-baby home alone with grandfather because he has history or porn. Father and son the same. The dad is known for drinking heavy on and off, for sure a bottle every two weeks. i have told my daughter its not good for dad to bath the baby and then he wiil send us off to do errans. Today I saw something that shocked me horrible. The dad came home from work. I allowed him and his daughter to have time together told him I was going to go in basement do laundry. I came to the main floor, where the dad and grand baby were, as I proceeded up the next flight of stairs, I was able to see into the living room, the grand baby had all her clothes off, standing on the sofa NAKED AND THE DAD TELLING HER HOW TO POSE NUDE AND OPEN YOUR LEGS A BIT MORE AND LIFT YOUR HANDS UP****And he was taking pictures with his phone.
I did speek up for the grand baby told her shame you are not allowed to be naked cover up. Told dad WHO WAS SUPER SURPRISED. TO SEE I WAS NO LONGER IN BASEMENT, I told you do not do that to a child she will grow up thinking she will do that for others too, its a law and you ****** will go to jail the cops will come and pull yoir phone emails and what you view on line. he had some cheese excuse for his bad behaviour.
WHAT SHOULD I DO NEXT ? I AM VERY CONCERN. I AM IN THE SHOCK MOLD AND CANNOT THINK CLEAR TO REACT PROPERLY
Added:
Melanie
You need to call the cops NOW. Do not let him get away with this or you will be guilty too.
Added:
Amanda
Just tell the police- they will handle it from there and investigate the details. Stop that now!
Added:
Annittha
You need to call cops now! Pls do it fast and quick!
Added:
KD
Hi Grace, It has been almost 5 months since your post, what did you end up doing? Please give an update that tells me that you did what you needed to do to protect the child. That sick man needs to be out of your grandchild’s life and in prison. You are a witness. You have responsibility here.
Added:
jason
My neighbor’s 8 year old son confides in me every now and then about things that he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to his parents about. A couple of weeks ago he told me about something that he’s been doing, and it just shocked me beyond belief.
Every once in a while he said he brings his almost 2 year old little brother in his bedroom with him, and forces him to perform oral sex. The way he puts it “I make him suck my peepee”. I was so shocked. That was something that I thought I just had to tell his parents instantly.
So that night I went over and told them. They called their son over and asked him if he was doing this. Of course he said no. Now the parents think I’m totally lying about the whole situation and don’t want anything to do with me anymore.
Here’s the thing. When their son was telling me all of this, he was doing so under one of my security cameras which also picks up audio. I have his whole confession on audio. Now I don’t know what to do with it. The parents are the type that won’t even listen to it. They hate me now. I’m asking, what should I do?
Added:
Melanie
Jason, you need to inform either the cops, or Child Protective Services. It is likely the boy is learning that from someone in the home, but even if he isn’t, his brother is now a victim, and if the parents won’t do anything someone HAS to. Call CPS!! You can remain anonymous! I’m sure they’ll know it’s you but who cares – they already don’t like you, so don’t worry about that. Do the right thing.
Added:
sc
I have a two year old who will be three in a couple of months. Over the past month I have been noticing different things that she has been doing. She has been putting her hand over peoples mouths and telling them to “shut your mouth”, she has also been very clingy to me, and tries to kiss me with her tongue. I’m not sure what to think as she is not old enough to come out and tell me what is going on. I am separated from her father and he has her two to three days a week but every time he comes to get her she throws a fit not wanting to go with daddy. Am I missing something here? or is there anything I should be doing?
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Can you share your observations with her father and ask him if he’s noticed anything amiss? Working together may be difficult, but collaborative parenting after separation and divorce is great for kids.
Added:
Amanda
Also make sure you record any conversation about the subject on your phone. So that you can give it to proper authorities.
Added:
Cassie
I have been experiencing the same things with my two year old she will be three by the end of this month. She goes over to her grandparents house just about every Saturday night since we had our new baby 6 months ago. over several months I have noticed signs such as the ones you discribed. I had chalked these signs up to my over sensitivity, since I was molested and fear it could happen to my little ones. She would always come home with a horrible dipear rash and some times a swallowen anus when returning from her grandparents house. Some times she would scream bloody murder when I or my husband changed her, and at one point she decided she hated baths suddenly. Those signs dissipated… And she became ok with baths again and the dipear rashes happened less often. But she would hold my mouth while I was talking and tell me to shut up as well. Signs have only gotten more disturbing as of late. Last night my daughter asked me to open my mouth as she attempted to French kiss me, when I struggled to get away she held my head and said, “shhhh…. Your safe.” I asked what did you say? And she repeated “your safe” I instantly felt sick to my stomach. She was also blanketing her self over me in a concerning manner. Just the night before she kissed me in a very sensual manner and in between her kissed she said “I just love you too much” I of course freaked out and told my husband but he calmed me down and we moved on. But she has also saying things like “the cat won’t hurt me he loves me” and things of that nature…. I don’t know what to do, what she is saying makes me think that some one is doing that to her!
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Cassie,
The important thing is to listen to your intuition. It doesn’t feel right to you, so act on the feeling. Connect with an expert — your child’s pediatrician or a child psychologist. He or she can help you. Until you can get an appointment, don’t leave your child with others. She is safe with you.
@MsGreene
Mom, Co-founder DrGreene.com, not a doctor
Added:
Stephens
I just found out that my 11 year old step daughter has ‘kissed’ my 5 year old granddaughter and touched others inappropriately. I have been telling my boyfriend for years that his daughter has been doing things that I think are inappropriate. I could never say EXACTLY what I saw, because I didn’t SEE it happen, but I saw them under the covers once 2 years ago and that’s where it started. I told him and he dismissed it. So I kept my granddaughter away from her. In the meantime the 11 year old got caught looking up porn and she started masturbating in broad daylight. I talked to her mother and they got her in counseling. They determined that she hadn’t been molested but come to find out she saw ‘two girls kissing on her daddy’s phone” when she was very young. She did 6 months of counseling, started acting better, and they dropped the counseling. Then it all started up again….
about a year later my granddaughter spent the night and they were playing in their room. I checked on them every 5 minutes because I don’t trust the 11 year old. They were laying next to each other on the bed, nobody touching anybody, but I could tell what she was trying to do, and I separated them. Long story short, after years of him not believing me I started telling her mother. I KNEW SHE NEEDED HELP and her mother did believe me. We found out yesterday that the 11 year old has been inappropriate with several younger girls. I’ve been on this crusade to get this little girl better, and now I feel like I cannot continue to be in this relationship because my daughter is not going to let my granddaughter visit me when she finds out this has happened. And I’m not sure I EVEN WANT to be in this anymore. My boyfriend’s first reaction was to leave before anyone else got hurt and I feel like he’s just STICKING HIS HEAD IN THE SAND AGAIN. I’m so torn.
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Follow your heart.
Added:
ss
I don’t know what my heart is saying. I’m so conflicted. I am really about to lose it. I’m so confused. I’m angry. idk what to do…I really don’t. I’m not comfortable with EITHER option, staying or going. I’m so sick.
Added:
Cheryl Greene
What a tough position you’re in. Is “taking a break” to figure this all out an option?
Added:
Er
NEVER EVER CH00SE a Man 0ver a chiId!!!EspeciaIIy when this happened. U kn0w its wr0ng and y0u can n0t be ar0und 24/7 eventuaIIy y0u sIeep and use Iadies r00m. As weII y0u are 0bIigated t0 teII daughter. H0Iding it fr0m her is absurd. Y0u are n0t mentaIIy weII if Y0u find it 0k t0 n0t teII her
Added:
Anonymous
When i was 7 years old my brother would make me remove my clothes n play around.n tell me not to tell anyone about it.i didnt.it went on for a year.ive not told anyone but as a person.ive grown to be one with a low self esteem.im 21 now.im getting nightmares sometimes.i wanted some help.it was repeated in my fifth grade.im scared of trusting people..ive become an introvert.i dont like it when someone touches me or hugs me.i cant express myself to anyone.i am.numb to feelings.n i mostly feel disconnected to the world.
Added:
Cheryl Greene
I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s a horrible thing. Please seek professional help. You can get through this, but not without help.
Added:
dest
I am 15 years old. I don’t know what to do. When I go to sleep at night I wake up to my dad touching my butt then he picks me up and puts me in the bathroom. He pulls down my pants and underwear and says that he thinks of it like your a baby with a bottle. I’m really scared about this. It feels weird when I am around him.
Added:
trying to help
If you havent already, tell someone now!
Added:
Asami
My dad Touches my butt even after I told him to stop. He doesn’t do it as often as he used to. Another time I was tying my shoes and he was pretending there was no room for him to walk by so he shoved his ass in my face.
He also would say things like “it was my butt first” when he touched my butt.
Are these signs of rape or is this sexual assault?
Added:
Laylah
It doesn’t sound like sexual assault or rape to me. However, if you have told him to stop touching your butt and he is still doing it this may be a sign that he may attempt to sexually violate you. Your fathers touches are inappropriate, and from what I learned about sexual abuse is that it often starts with what people consider “innocent touches”. Touching someones butt, breast, penis, or vagina is always inappropriate when you have told the person to “stop”, even if it is your father. If your mother is around you should tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable, even if your dad says he’s just joking around, tell her you don’t like it.
Best
Added:
CJ
This is sexual assault in my opinion. The definition of sexual assault is any unwanted physical contact. Also if you ask someone to stop and they do not it could be considered harassment.
Added:
k
Please talk to your school counselor. This is NOT normal.
Added:
Melanie
This is SEXUAL, this is WRONG. Tell your mother or another trusted adult – tell a counselor or principal or teacher at your school.
Added:
Amy
I rang my daughter last night. We had not seen or spoken to each other for many years but she reconnected with me a few months ago. When my daughter answered the phone, she was absolutely panic stricken. Her 6 year old daughter (my granddaughter who I have not seen for years) had blood in her urine and my daughter was on the way to the emergency department of the local hospital.
I was suspicious about my granddaughter’s ailment, as she had just come home from spending a weekend with her “biological father” and my daughter told me they sleep together in his bed. As my daughter and her exhusband do not talk at all, and her exhusband has just come out of jail after many years. Who has anger management issues, including being controlling, emotionally and physically abusive. When my daughter answered the phone, she yelled at me to “stay out of it” after I had told her to tell the doctor my granddaughter had just come home after spending the weekend with her father.
I rang her tonight (after speaking to my granddaughter who said I had been naughty ringing her mother at the hospital, which was very unlike her) and my daughter said her daughter had a urinary tract infection. As a registered nurse I knew this was unusual for a 6 year old child. I became suspicious. I rang my daughter this afternoon and she again told me it was none of my business. That she is the mother and it was not my right to suspect my granddaughter’s father of sexual misconduct. She was extremely aloof, and so was my granddaughter with me, it was an extremely short conversation and I am concerned. Very concerned that her father is interfering with her.
My daughters ex-husband punched my daughter daily, and verbally abused her during the course of their short marriage. My daughter is already under the watchful eye of the Department of Childrens Services and her exhusband is trying to get custody of his daughter. What should I do?
Added:
LM
You NEED to do something about this your granddaughter could be very possibly getting raped which can lead to mental instability . If your daughter doesn’t listen you need to contact CPS or someone Becuase this poor child is getting raped.
Added:
Anonymous
I’m 12, almost 13, and I’ve been concerned lately. My grandfather has been slapping my butt whenever I walk by or he walks by or when I hug him. It’s been making me really uncomfortable, but when I ask him to stop, he just gets mad and says that I shouldn’t take a joke so seriously.
I definitely feel like it’s not a joke, and the fact that I’ve told him to stop and he hasn’t has been making me feel uncomfortable. Only a few days ago I had bought a bathing suit with my grandmother, and he made me “model” it for him while my grandmother wasn’t home. I told her later, but she dismissed it and said I shouldn’t worry. Also, sometimes if I’m on the couch, he’ll come sit next to me and literally start rubbing my thigh, and I have to get up quickly because I get nervous.
At night sometimes I can’t sleep because of this, and I end up locking myself in the bathroom for hours, hoping nothing happens. I haven’t told anyone, but even my father is paranoid about my grandfather, saying if he does anything I should tell him immediately, but I’m afraid. What do I do? I really need help.
Added:
Cheryl Greene
It’s great that you aren’t just burying your discomfort. It doesn’t matter if you grandfather has ill intentions or not, you are uncomfortable and it’s okay for you do say “I don’t feel comfortable with that behavior.” Avoid “You make me feel uncomfortable” or anything that would assign blame. He may just be joking, but it doesn’t matter because you feel uncomfortable. It’s great that you told him how you feel, but I’d suggest that you say it in front of other people. Whenever he does anything that you are uncomfortable about say it and try to time it when other people are around so they can reenforce it. If he sits on the couch next to you, you can say thing like “nothing personal, but I just need more personal space.” It he slaps your bottom, “You may be joking, but it doesn’t feel funny to me so please stop.”
If he only does these things when others aren’t around, repeat it when others are around. “Grandfather thinks it’s a joke to slap my butt. It doesn’t feel funny to me, so I asked him to stop.” You are reporting something that happened. You’re not accusing. You’re not saying he’s bad, just that it’s not funny to you. You’re not a little girl any more and what might have been a joke earlier, isn’t now.
I don’t know your grandfather’s heart or intentions. But consider finding safe ways of interacting with him. Perhaps play cards or board games where you sit across a table from each other.
If any man comes into your room at night, scream. Scream as loud as you can. Wake up everyone in the house. You were asleep, someone came into your room and you are scared so it’s okay for you to scream. If this happens when no one else is home, still scream. Make sure the man knows you will not be silent.
I hope this helps.
Added:
ana
Tell your parents now, they will not be mad at you :) What your grandfather is doing in inappropriate and your dad won’t be able to help you unless you say something. Be strong. You can do it. Just tell your parents.
Added:
Laylah
My advice is you should tell your parents what has been going on. What your grandfather is doing is inappropriate, and his behavior may lead to sexual abuse. Tell your parents, they will be glad you did.
Best
Added:
Frances Williams
Hello,
Your grand father has no right rubbing, or touching you if it makes you feel uncomfortable. There is no mention of your mother or other relatives in your life. Tell your mother or someone else you trust. If you do not have a mother, or other family members to talk to then contact a school counselor. Your principal at school can locate a counselor for you. If all else fail call police. This does not sound like a safe place for you to visit. Stop all visits with grandma cause she seems clueless about how to protect you from your grandfather. Stay safe.
Added:
dhariya
I was sexually molested from 5 to 12 years by maternal uncle…he touched my hymen and tell to touch his private part…he gave oral sex at age of 6 and 12, two times…but I escaped from penis, vaginal intercourse…now I am 24…till now survived, only by god’s grace…..I kept secret only with god, cry to him…I didn’t tell my parents….I don’t like to marry also because of this guilt….My parents searching for their bridegroom….Please suggest me how to solve this problem….that stupid man blames me.
Added:
Victimized No More
I can completly relate to you , dhyariya. A close relative started my torment when I was 8. Went on to the age of 13. The ONLY thing he didn’t make me do was intercourse. He told me not to Daddy or anyone. They would be angry at me and blame me. He also said he loved me so much and that was why he did that. I grew up NEVER telling a living soul. (only my wonderful counselor) and husband. I was also brutally raped by a police officer at 17. So now I am deathly afraid of them. I never will tell my family. This will be with me til death. Please seek counseling now! It has helped in so many ways. I know exactly what you feel and think. It is not your fault!! Keep telling yourself this! You did nothing wrong!
Added:
Jan
My granddaughters were potty trained at three. There dad was on deployment. When he came back THEY started wetting the bed again. He was deployed again and they stopped wetting the bed. He came back and they’ve been wetting bed ever since. They are now 8 yrs old. Their parents are not together for past year and half. He took them to Disney and they literally cried and begged their mom not to let them go. She is afraid if she doesn’t let him see them he will go for full custody and she won’t see them. At his home they were sharing a bedroom.. then he put them in separate rooms and now they told me they sleep with him. He knows they don’t want to go with him but he makes them go anyway. He started taking them to church and I’ve never heard the man speak of God or faith/religion in the ten years I’ve known him. One of the girls touched the other on her private (with her clothes on) and the other one hit her. She said GRAMA “she hit me”. I asked her sister why she hit her and she said because she touched me down there. I’ve asked them why they don’t like going to their dads and they say CAUSE they miss mommy. The one appears nervous and stares directly at me like she is trying to make sure I believe her. I’ve always told them if ANYONE ever touches them in the area THEIR bathing suit covers to tell me. They love me very much and always hug me very tight and repeatedly tell me they love me. It seems like they are afraid to talk about anything they do at their dad’s. I ask them if they had fun, did they go out for dinner, did daddy play with them and they’ll answer (ah”!) They don’t want to talk about it. I’m so fearful just by their actions, THEIR adamant pleading that they don’t want to go. This man can be very hateful and he is very authoritative with them. They don’t even want to hug or kiss him goodbye when he drops them off. None of the family seem too concerned and one says it doesn’t sound good but for me to keep my mouth shut THAT he is well off financially and could take them and we would never see them again. I’m tortured daily thinking about what they may be going through and if I’m wrong, MY ENTIRE family would fall apart. I wish I could afford a picture to check his computer and cell phones; to make sure there is not any pornographic material on it. I PRAY in wrong but they have so many signs of a child being molested on top of hating to go with him. PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE. THANK YOU
Added:
Karen Lamb
I am so sorry your granddaughters are going through this. You know what’s happening, maybe not in detail, but so what?
My daughters went through the same thing with a military father. They are now grown with various issues. I always wonder what he did to my oldest. She seems to have a split personality at times that her significant other has also commented on. She has like a survival mode she goes into where she displays no respect or care for those who truly want to help her.
I have received counseling for over two years and finally have been able to forge a decent relationship with her and keep her daughter when she works.
Abuse is extremely difficult to prove and the military protected my ex-husband and allowed him to break court orders on their property on Ft Meade Maryland, keeping my children hostage at various times and they told me basically to go to hell when I asked them to escort me to his home and retrieve my children from him, court order in my hand. They thought it was hilarious.
My oldest began wetting the bed profoundly until the age of about 13 when I helped fix it with herbs. It was mortifiying for her. She did report observing porn from the stairway after her bedtime when he had it on in the living room with his new wife, who basically black-mailed him into silence when she left him with their new daughter. She also assisted in fighting me for custody of my children that she didn’t even want in order to terrorize me and my daughters. The story is so outlandish that most people do not believe me. Only the people that were present in my life at the time know of the daily horrors that we went through for the four years that he lived in the same town as me.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. They will likely survive and when they are adults they will find their own path to healing. Drug abuse and excessive drinking on their part gets really scary, but be there for them if it happens. Just keep insisting that you love them no matter how much they may wind up turning on you later. They will return to you when they begin to heal. It all happened to me, they turned on me and blamed my weakness for his abuse towards them, mental and psychological, sexual has never been admitted to me.
My youngest is convinced her older sister has been severely screwed up by their father, but tells me there is no way she would ever tell. His mind control is incredibly strong. They will make it. Just pray and let the time pass, their healing will come, just as all of ours will eventually.
Added:
Jennifer
A child will not necessarily act differently if they have been sexually abused. They also may have just been fondled externally, or are being asked to do things that do not leave physical signs. (Oral intercourse, etc.)
Just believe what they say. And if they say something strange about a babysitter, or family member, please don’t let that person babysit them.
Added:
Amber Y.
“A child will not necessarily act differently if they have been sexually abused. They also may have just been fondled externally, or are being asked to do things that do not leave physical signs. (Oral intercourse, etc.)”
All of the things you describe are considered sexual abuse. You should remove the “just” in front of “been fondled…” It minimizes those actions, and makes them seem less damaging. ALL unwanted sexual contact is damaging and has longterm negative consequences for the victim.
Added:
Gracelove
My daughter is going to be three in a few months. She’s said twice to me that “papa spanks my yaya”. My husbands father, her grandfather only watches her a day a week. She came home today and when she was going for a nap I had to put a diaper on. She said “my yaya hurts” I asked her why and she told me papa spanks my yaya. I don’t know what to do. Is she telling the truth? Why would he spank her yaya? I’m so confused. I want to protect my child if this is true but I don’t want to start a family feud if she’s just fibbing. Please I need advice
Added:
Rose
I’m in a similar situation, hence why I am here. But is say, she has no reason to lie. You better take her to a clinic, ASAP. I’m sorry, good luck.
Added:
April
DO NOT let it go! Im sure there is something to what she is telling you. Family or not, its your job to protect her. Its too easy to think too little cause its famly and she’s young. I should know I did the same thing and found out much later there was truth to the things my boys were saying.
Added:
Jasmin
Hey I’m 13 and i don’t know what i should do. My grandpa touched my breast when i was “sleeping” and i don’t know if i should tell my dad because everyone loves my grandpa, but at times i feel like i don’t want to be near him. He has done this twice when i was 11 and now what should i do? i don’t want to cause any trouble with my family, but i believe that my family won’t believe me. Can you help?
Added:
Rose
Please tell honey, don’t let anything stop you. Its not ok and its not your fault. It will be ok, please tell someone.
Added:
Hailey
I would take this very seriously Im 23 years old and I was molested from the age of 2 till around 14. My life is still in ruins and my brothers father who hasnt been in my life sence I was 15. I can barely have a normal sex life with my fiance. I am scared too report my stepdad because he threatend my moms life in the past. May the Grace of god Heal your daughter so that she wont grow up with as many issues as i do. just at the age of two the body will remember trauma, I personally would have the grandpa put on a lie dector test and keep him out of your life. also put him on the sex offendor list for the neghiborhood.
Im here for you and I want too pray for you and help you in anyway that I can! you dont deserve that too happen too you.
Added:
Anne
Jasmin, I made the mistake of not turning around and confronting the one who was doing this to me… If I could go back in time, I would just, turn around, look them in the eye and say “I’m ok, the covers are fine, and just GET OUT OF MY ROOM”. I, Don’t think, this would ever happen again.. Please, don’t let this continue, because, it will follow YOU, through the whole of your life… STOP IT NOW. It may seem awkward, but it is the best thing for you.. Cos you were brave, and you would be stopping, stuff from happening again. Hope this is helpful! That’s what I would do NOW! X
Added:
Anne
Have replied. Hope you got the message.. Chin up. X
Added:
April
Please tell sweetheart. Its not your fault. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise. If he’s doing it to you he;s doing it to someone else.
Added:
Cheryl
I work and my dad watches my son who is 3 years old. The other day when I was laying on my bed, my son opened his mouth and was moving his head up and down like he was Re acting oral Sex. I said what are you doing, don’t do that and my son smiled like he thought it was funny. I really do not think my dad would do anything to my son. But in the past, around a year ago or more, I over heard my dad say to my son while he had him in his arms, “it’s our secret” so I asked him what did he say and my dad said defensively he knows. But I then had to leave for work. Sometimes when my dad leaves he says bye to my son and asks him for a kiss, but when my son doesn’t he kisses him but I think it’s forcefully. Also some times, not all the time, when my son doesn’t want to play or be affectionate my dad doesn’t seem to acknowledge my son doesn’t want to be hugged. So I say he doesn’t want too hug or whatever it is. I don’t know if I’m reading into things but I just have a horrible feeling, but I’m not sure if I’m reading into things.
My son hasn’t shown any more signs or anything and think my dad is just being affectionate, but I’m not sure at all and my son wouldn’t know either what I’m on about if I asked him. My dad would also always changes his nappy and say I will do it. My dad is helpful so I’m not sure if he’s just being helpful or not. I once did say something as he always smacked his bottom when he was fully dressed and I said once what are you always tapping his bum for and my dad said what’s up with you do you think on a pervert or something? That was a long time ago now and he doesn’t tap his bottom all the time now. Am I over reacting or is my dads behaviour odd?
Added:
ali
Better safe than sorry. Please take your child elsewhere to be watched. Going to work is not more important than keeping your child safe. You could request time off to get your son in a child care place you can trust and visit whenever you like. This way there are always people all around. Trust your gut, but don’t accuse. Maybe you could just tell your dad it is time for your son to be around other kids (i’m not saying he has to but that is an excuse to use if you are afraid to let on any apprehension). Better to hurt your dad’s feelings than to have your son one day tell you things were going on.
Pray to God and He will guide and comfort you. But take action
Added:
Hailey
I would take this very seriously Im 23 years old and I was molested from the age of 2 till around 14. My life is still in ruins and my brothers father who hasnt been in my life sence I was 15. I can barely have a normal sex life with my fiance. I am scared too report my stepdad because he threatend my moms life in the past. May the Grace of god Heal your daughter so that she wont grow up with as many issues as i do. just at the age of two the body will remember trauma, I personally would have the grandpa put on a lie dector test and keep him out of your life. as hard as that will be, the pain your child will go through is worse. also put him on the sex offendor list for the neghiborhood.
Im here for you and I want too pray for you and help you in anyway that I can! you dont deserve that too happen too you. and the sighns are all there your dad is molesting your son.
Added:
worriedmum21
My story is a bit odd, my dad molested me 3 times when I was 13, 14 and 15 and always said don’t tell my mum, and I found out my mum was going away overnight again and I was scared so I told a friend who told the school and went through the cps process. I then found out my mum would lose everything if my dad was convicted. So I told everyone I lied cause I love my mum and sister and they hated me and never believed me, and didn’t want to end up back in care as I am adopted. So I forgave my dad, for my mums sake.
I recently had my daughter 2 1/2 stay with them as my depression was bad and my dad said how bad he was feeling about what had happened and how he wanted to kill himself. Now she’s always playing with her vagina and using her fingers and I’ve caught her about to use a dino’s tail and books and my friends are worried that she might be going through it.
I don’t want to believe it as my dad seemed genuine disgusted with himself. And I don’t know what to think. I’m worried it could be happening, I’m going to speak to health to see if it’s normal, but I was just looking online to see what’s online and wondered if anyone had any thoughts.
Thanks.
Added:
Sheila
Just my thoughts, no judgments here. If you chose to forgive that is okay. Forgiveness is good for you. BUT, never forget what he was capable of. It is like a disease. Like alcoholism. Some feel bad, may even regret, but in most cases will do it again. I would encourage you to get her checked for sure and never leave her alone with him again. Seek assistance if you need to. Not something you should be ashamed of for yourself or your daughter. Help is out there. I was molested by my grandfather at a young age but old enough to know it was wrong. I did tell my dad and was accused of being a lying whore. I was in grade school. I didn’t tell anybody for years. It messes with your head for a long time if you don’t tell somebody and get it out. The whole world doesn’t have to know but you need to tell somebody. I later found out that I was only one in many that he had done this too.
This may not help but I will pray things work out for the best for you.
You are not alone.
Added:
Annittha
Pls never ever leave your daughter alone with him. He did it once, he can do it once again
Added:
Diamond
I have a 12 year old step daughter. I’m concerned that every time she plays with her Dad, she always lie on her back and start rubbing herself. Not only that, he’ll get out the bed with me and would go lie in her twin size bed 4,5,6 a.m. waking her up to play! Not only that if we’re all in the bed together he won’t spoon hold her if I’m there, but if I walk off or seem to act as if not paying attention then he’ll spoon her. Not only that now, I’ve been trying to wrap my head around this for eight months now. I know there’s nothing wrong with being affection to your kid, but something is rubbing me the wrong way. Not only that he keeps making every excuse of why she do certain things… I don’t think a well developed pre-teen should be spooning nor sleeping in the bed with him, especially since he sleeps in his underwear. Not only that I can’t walk around with boxers and a long shirt, but he walks around in boxers all day where you can see all form of his man parts!!!
Added:
Danielle
I don’t understand why you have let that go down. She is 12. None of that crap is normal. Sounds like a problem that has been going on for a long time at that. You need to contact authorities. She needs a counselor to find out what he’s doing to her. No respectful man walks around that way in front of his or anyone’s daughters. You seem to be way too passive with this. DO SOMETHING.
Added:
no name
Omg she needs help 8 month is a long time to be letting that happen and sleeping together at age is way messed up.
Added:
ashton
You should call cps and report it to the police. What if it was your daughter. Wouldn’t you save her?
Added:
Rose
This is NOT normal no grown man should be in his 12 year old daughter’s bed ever! All of this sounds very inappropriate!
Added:
KS
My children have been with their father for the last 4 months. Tonight he called me and informed me that the oldest(4) had pulled the youngest(2 1/2) diaper aside and inserted her fingers in her private parts. Upon questioning she said that my fiance does that and when asked how he touches her she pulled her panties aside and inserted 2 fingers. He asked her if he touches her on the potty and / or bed and she said yes to both.
Up until recently she had been seeing a therapist and the therapist saw no signs of abuse and neither of us has seen this behavior before.
My children have not seen my fiance in 7 months they were with my mom who is a nurse practitioner for the 3 months before they went to their dad. We are very upset and do not know if we should be concerned or if this is an innocent misunderstanding. I don’t think my fiance could do this, but I don’t want to just blow it off.
Added:
shannon
I’m not a doctor. I have a BA in Psych. A lot of times what a child is saying they didn’t experience but saw. Has the child ever maybe walked in on you and your fiance? Could she have seen thus happen. And then enacted it? Children. Can have a delay in letting f those around them know about the abuse or show signs of the abuse though so it is possible she has been touched inappropriately.
Added:
Eric
I granddaughter always crys when she goes to her dads she is half Mexican /black she is a beautiful 4year old she always comes back acting kind of odd like not being her self a little rebailous with us she likes to play in closet that is a play room lays down covers up with blanket and then we check on her and she has taken off her lower clothes naked ask her why no answer she also likes to take off her dolls clothes and then she opens the dolls legs and when she sits down she is always opening her legs then looks at me like she wants to see if I’m looking I tell her young lady’s don’t sit like that and that she needs to respect her self in order for other people to respect her I know some of these words seem to be said to an older child but the lord has blessed us with a very intelligent grandchild and I am very concerned about her also I don’t think her dad would do any thing to her would harm her in any way but there are other kids in his house one 18 yr old and her brother 12yr old and a sister 8 yr old. Now she has told us at one time her sister did nasty things to her and my daughter told her x boyfriend but what made her sister who is only 8 prompted her to do that she is so young but any my grandchild crys a lot every time she has to go to her dads house I mean real bad it causes us to cry and worry till she comes back we even thought of not letting her go to her dads but that would go against the court order would you please tell us of the signs that I mention of what you think is going on. In desperate need of a course of action thank you.
Added:
nicole boyer
Have this dealt with. Omg. You must.
Added:
Danielle
Wow. Call child protective services!!!
Added:
nicole boyer
Call your pediatrician. Consult andhave the eexams, interview, and the nextstep will be to alert authorities. If you bring it to the attention of school and licences child care providers they will also be inclined to take appropriate action.
Added:
Victoria
If she is crying like that please don’t let her go there:(
I was molested by my step dad and I acted the same way when I went to my mom’s house as a child because my parents weren’t together. Please sit her down and make her feel safe to talk — maybe something is wrong with the dads house. Just look into it. Take her to a doctor to be examined after the visit with the dad …. I’m praying for the previous princess.
Added:
Danielle
Also, if you call child services they will prompt you to go get her examined regardless. If no physical evidence… she will need counseling, where they will try and nicely find out what is going on without freaking her out. Good luck and I pray that she is not being abused.
Added:
anna
My daughter suffered sexual battery from her grandfather when she was six. She is now sixteen. Will she be ok as she grows up?
Added:
chethan krish
my girlfriend was sexually abused by one of her friend’s brother when she was at the age of 6 till at the age of 8…now she is 15 will she remember those old stuffs and will she be alright with me….she dono that i know about her abuse…will she get disturb by that old memories??.please help me to take care of her…I LOVE HER A LOT.but i dont want to see her sad again…..she will be happy with me but sometimes she used to get dipressed and when i ask her what happend?she tells nothing….please help he…..
Added:
Frances Williams
Those are signs of abuse. Family members will molest a younger sibling and it sounds like that is what is happening. Call the Department of Children Service (DCS).
Added:
Susan
My daughter is 35 months old. She came back from her dad’s house and was totally having a panic attack when I wanted to change her diaper. Then, the next day, she put her finger towards her vagina (with clothes on) and said daddy hurt me like that. When she said “like that” she would hit her vagina. She repeated this 4 times. She then said she got a white Booboo, but it’s all gone. While talking about Booboo she pointed towards her butt.
Then third day after visiting her dad, I was lying on the floor. She turned me over and then brought her face very close to my buttocks and spit.
My am VERY concerned. Don’t know what the heck is going on.
Added:
Anonymous
call the police
Added:
Anonymous
Holy sh*t CALL THE GOD DAMN POLICE!
My daughter was abused by a neighbor who’s wife babysat her; the “diaper rash” she developed was because of him :'( It was full on rape. He raped my baby. She was only 3 years old.
Your baby is being raped. Now is NOT the time to have doubts, be uncomfortable (etc). Don’t second guess yourself! I did and this happened to my baby because of it. I didn’t trust my gut.
Get. On. The. Phone. Now!
The sooner you can get her into a specialist, the better! They can do an examination to see if there is any damage to her genetalia or rectum.
They will help you go from there.
Stop being in denial, denial can kill your kids soul.
Added:
anyomous
I think you should avoid him and not let him be around your daughter and if he won’t go away then you should get the law enforcement involved they handle cases like this a lot most of them get dismissed though if you don’t have a witness or evidence but for your daughters sake I hope you do whatever you can to protect her.. As for your baby I think you should tell her that doing those innapropriate things is a no no and that no one should do those things to her
Added:
Milan McCandle
To Anonymous,
NO. She should NOT only get law enforcement involved if he won’t go away.
Secondly, that is ridiculous that you suggest that this mother should put the responsibility for preventing this abuse on a BABY. The way you put it could cause the baby to think that SHE caused the abuse by allowing a “no no”.
She is not in control. Most creeps that do this threaten the child if they tell, and threaten them in horrific ways. My child was told that Mommy would be killed if my child told. We had to be away from my ex for over a year, that means, my child did not see my ex, hear my ex, or have anything to do with my ex before my child told me what happened.
The reason my child felt it was ok to tell me, is that I had a chat about how these people work. I started out by saying that people who want to touch children will threaten them or someone or something they love. I had no idea that my child had already been abused. That is when I was told; it all came out then. I was shocked that it took that long to tell me.
The symptoms were very persistent trouble falling asleep; anxiety; many fears; nightmares; and excessive preoccupation with genitals, among other things.
Added:
Tanji
^^^ EXACTLY!!! ^^^, like wth?!!
Added:
Victoria
Omg ;( please believe her and get to the bottom of this . That poor baby
Added:
Danielle
This is self explanitory. This post should have actually been a call to police instead.
Added:
Jesse
I have a question this happened to my cousin. Her cousin had got in the bed with her and put her hand in her pants and started to rubbed her butt while she was sleeping and that is it. Is that considered as rape. My cousin asked me but I told her I didn’t know.
Added:
Frank
Yes that was rape
Added:
shannon
Sexual assault is what it is. Any unwanted touch that gives sexual gratification to the other person is sexual assault and yes it is.
Added:
Mimi
When my daughter was 3 years old I caught her one day fingering herself, I almost fainted and immediately thought something or somebody had done that to her.
My daughter is now 4years old and she likes twirking and sexual dancing. This morning, today 31-03-2015 I was getting her ready for school. While dressing her up she told me mum, my hand wants to play with my vagina. I said to her what made her think her hand wants to play with her private part she said said she feels and think so.
I had gone depressed the whole of today with bad thoughts, since she came back from school, I had asked her to confide in me and tell me the truth if someone is doing something or has done something to her, but all her answers are NO.
She went to the weekend to her dad and her dad is teaching her to keep secrets from me, what do I do about this developments? Where do I go from here? Help a single mother thanks.
Added:
Anonymous
It grieves me to think that someone might have engaged in an inappropriate act with your child. However, How did you find out that her father has been having her keep secrets from you? Is that something she told you or something you suspect? If it turns out that her father has been having her keep secrets from you I personally feel that you should immediately take your daughter to be seen by a child specialist so that they can talk to her about what she recalls about those secrets.
Added:
shannon
She is at a normal age of exploring her body. Oh I have an ear hole I stick my finger in it….oh I have a but hole I’m gunna check that out for sure. But she does explore the vagina area it feels good no matter the age. Children work on a level of if it feels good…do it. You need to teach her appropriate times and ways to do this. I have told my client to take themselves to a private area and make sure they are alone. They can do whatever as long as no objects are placed anywhere.
Added:
Anonymous
At age 12 my mother left me alone with her friend’s son, I think he and I were around if not the same age. My mother said that if I didn’t mind him or if I went outside she would spank me, if he told her when she got back. As soon as she left he chased me to the bathroom where I thought I could hide but the bathroom door wouldn’t lock so he pushed himself in and told me that he was going to put his d- – k into my butt and I cried no! But he took it out showed it to me and he really hurt me so bad. I cried so much and he still wouldn’t stop. He threatened me that he would tell my mother that I went outside and that she would spank me for it.
When our mothers came back I secretly hated my mother because she never even asked me what happened or if anything had happened. I couldn’t understand how she could just leave me alone with him, how could she trust him to look after me knowing that she had been molested by her oldest sister’s husband and how much it scarred her. When I became an adult I told her what he did to me and all she could say to me is that I was too young to even remember something like that — that it didn’t happen and that it couldn’t have happened to me. All I could do was cry because if my own mother wouldn’t believe me then who was going to believe me.
I told my oldest sister and she cried for me and I felt a little relief but still violated, dirty and disgusted in my own skin. In 2006 or 2007 (exact month I can’t remember) but my oldest sister called me and asked me had I seen the newspaper. I said no, why? She said that xxxxxx was arrested for kidnapping and molesting a girl in Adelanto, CA and he was being sentenced to life in prison. I hurried out got that newspaper and it was true he had been caught and taken off the streets. I called my mother crying on the phone saying moma they caught him they finally caught xxxxxx he had snatched a girl off the streets and done some horrible, unspeakable things to her and once again my mother said I couldn’t even remember what his face looked like being so young when she left me alone with him in 1977, and there’s absolutely no way I could even remember his name. But I did remember his whole name and his face and I know for certain he was that same person. Again my mother didn’t believe me and that hurt me so much for some reason I remember gasping for air and feeling like my chest was caving in and an overwhelming feeling of shame and grief.
I also used to have continuous nightmares of me wanting to have sex with my dad and sometimes I would even imagine myself actually doing it with him through day dreaming, it’s not that I actually wanted to have sex with my father or that he had sex with me I do not know why I was having those distorted nightmares and daydreams.
There is so much of my childhood that I actually can not remember and I should be able to but there are even large times in my childhood when I do not even remember my own mother being in my life, but my sisters says she was there so why can’t I remember her being there and I’ve told her I can’t remember her being there or why I have blocked out that long period of time that my sisters say she was there.
At age 6yrs I remember me and my sisters being home alone and my sisters let some older boys in and they went into the room with those boys and one of the boys stayed in the livingroom with me and he told me if he get his finger in then he was going to put himself into me and he stuck his hands down my undies and tried to force his finger into my private but it wouldn’t fit and I cried and I cried I want my moma and then I heard my sisters and those boys laughing at me. I can’t remember if he did or didn’t still touch me or put himself into me after that, I just can’t remember much after that it’s like from that time up until 6 years later when xxxxx sodomized me at 12 years old I can’t even remember anything it’s like my memory got wiped out for 6 whole years.
Mothers please listen to your children and please do not threaten to harm them if they do not do what someone else tells them to do. Please do not give that type of power to anyone to use as a weapon against your children.
Although I understand now that what happened to me was not my fault I know that as much as I love my mother I will always have some type of resentment for her for not believing me and protecting me, the pain and the shame never goes away. I just have learned to live with it and I shouldn’t have had to go through it in the first place.
Added:
Cheryl Greene
I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. You are so right. Mothers (and fathers) should not give other people power over their children. We should all listen to our children, even if they are telling us things we do not want to hear. As parents we need to be our children’s first and most powerful defender against all the bad things that might happen to them.
Thank you for this powerful warning.
Added:
Anonymous
Thank you for your warm understanding and for helping spread the word to parents to not give others power over their children.
Added:
Lee lee
Omg! You be strong and someday when you have children you are going to have a hard time trusting anyone with yr children. Believe me I know you are not alone. Its hard but just ask the Lord to give you strength. And have faith he will be there. Trust me I know. Take Care
Added:
Danielle
That’s horrible. Wish I could give you a hug. :(
Added:
concerned mom
My 4 year old daughter has started putting socks in the front of her underwear while taking a nap. I have also caught her putting clothing items in the back of her underwear. She is secretive when she does this. She will go behind furniture or hide under the blankets while doing it. I have also woken her up from a nap and noticed that she has pulled the back of her underwear down around her bottom. When I ask her about it she gets embarrassed and says “I just like it”. I have asked her on several occasions if anyone has touched her and she always says no. Is this normal behavior for a 4 year old?
Added:
shannon
It is normal behavior. Kids are on a…if I do this…and it feels good…I’m gunna keep doing it. So its not an automatic thing that she has been touched or something has happened. I would have an open conversation with her about how it’s ok to touch if we do it away from others and in a safe way.
Added:
anonymous
I work with kids while their mom and dad work out.
A month ago this little girl started doing this thing where should would touch her vagina like she had to go to the bathroom so I’d ask her “do you have to go to the bathroom” and she’s say no, it’s just itchy and I tried to ask her about it but she’d say “let’s play Aunty!” so I let it go. A little over a week it happens again, where she’s holding her privates like she has to go to the bathroom. I ask her if she needs to use the bathroom and she gave me the same answer; it’s itchy and again I’d tried to ask questions but she didn’t want to talk so I left it alone. And at that point, I had a feeling something was wrong. I brought it up to my coworker and she played it off that shes just a kid and she might have a yeast infection or UTI because she also does swimming lessons at another gym. So I left it alone and today while we were coloring and she did that thing where she holds her vagina, so I asked again and she confessed to me that there’s a “big boy” that touches her at school. She told me that he’s done it before and she told her mom, but she doesn’t believe her. She had told me that this boy “punches” her but when I asked her to stand up and show me her demonstration was of her putting her 2 fingers and demonstrating what looked like this boy fingering her really hardly; so I can see where the “punching” would come from. I asked her a bunch of questions and she was just really open and comfortable talking to me. When I asked her the questions they were asked differently and each time the answer was the same. :(
I haven’t brought anything up to her mom because I’m following protocols and reporting it first and going from there. I told my coworker what she said today and she said she told her the same thing but all she told her was that “a boy at school touches me” but didn’t go into my further detail, like she did with me. Again my coworker didn’t really believe me much; she again played it off that she got it from tv but I call BS because no child should be watching anything that has to do with rape or whatever. And if she is; shame on her parents. My coworker told her mom what he told her mom what she saw and was but I’m not going to say anything to her… I wanna do this the right way since I seem to be the only one who cares.
Added:
Marie Wallace
Always a difficult situation, but your job it to protect those kids. So you listen to your instincts and follow protocol and have that investigated. She told you detail because she trusted you enough. What you’re doing is great, report that. Better safe than sorry.
Added:
Danielle
Woah. Your co worker needs a new job. How insensitive. Poor little kid.
Added:
Wendy H
Sending you lots of love. You did the right. Dot. Even doubt it for a second. You will save this child heart ache and grief. As a mother , I can only appreciate the guts it took and hope this child’s mother will too. You are a hero.
Added:
Wendy H
*correction. Don’t doubt it for a second
Added:
melody
My 3 daughters revealed to me that my brother molested them when they were children. They are all adults now with children. My brother was then a teenager up to age 17 while this was going on.
They have different stories, but all said he would take them into a dark room. Never penetrating them, but exposing himself and having them use feathers on his penis or some other act. My oldest child when 5 said he tried to put his hand down her pajama’s while she was asleep, but she woke up to the telephone ringing and he stopped.
When they exposed this in their 30’s to us we confronted him and he went crazy on us denying it saying it was all lies and he would never do that to his nieces. My brother has been a Christian for many years now and he has tried hard to do what is right. He is a good person taking care of my mother (he and his wife). Very loving to all his family.
He says they are false memories they have, but I think he has repressed memories of it all. He sent me a video of false memories and what happens.
He did do drugs when he was at that age so I think he may be repressing it. He begs me to believe him and its tearing up my family.
Can it be False memories if more than 1 is blaming him? I’m very sad and don’t know what to do. I really do believe my girls, but what do I say to him?
Added:
Marie Wallace
You say your kids are adults now, being molested, especially by someone close to you and someone you trust is something that never leaves a person’s mind. You should always believe your kids. No, he isn’t repressing anything; he’s denying it. Being molested as a child the kids tend to push it down and forget about it, but as you become an adult that’s when it all comes back out eating at the brain. The worst part about the whole thing is not having your own mother believing you.
Added:
Danielle
So you are going to believe him over your grown daughters? His anger screams guilt. Being a Christian means NOTHING in this situation. Stop second guessing your daughters. You shouldn’t even be considering remaining friendly with him. What a shame.
Added:
Mia
I think my brother might be a child molester.
When my daughter was 2 months old he used to try to put his finger in her mouth. I breast fed her so she liked to try to suck on things and my brother, who at the time was 25, kept trying to put his finger in her mouth then every time I changed her diaper he would glance over.
I couldn’t get mad because I live with my mother. I just left my ex-husband and I had no where else to go and my mother would defend my brother every time I got upset about him looking, so I started taking her to my bedroom to change her diapers. Also her highchair is right in front in the bathroom and I’ll be cooking or doing dishes and I don’t know what he does but he stands in front of the bathroom then my daughter starts crying or getting mad. He’s also been acting sneaky like I had to go to the bathroom so I left her in her stroller in the living room and when I came out he like ran away from her and tried to act like he wasn’t doing anything.
I’m so worried about my daughter.
When I use the bathroom I have to put her in her crib in my room so she stays safe, but that doesn’t help. I’m afraid he will try to sneak into my room and do something to her. I’m always worried about her. I wish my mom would listen to me, but she acts like I’m crazy when I tell her that I don’t want my daughter around him at all. It’s all.. so frustrating!!!
I think I’m going to get a nanny cam and catch him in the act and put him in jail. No adult should behave this way towards an innocent baby who can’t say no or talk or tell me who’s hurting her or touching her. If she could tell on him then I would probably end up jail for murdering him I hate child molesters.
Added:
Drea
Please try contacting a domestic violence hotline or a women’s shelter so that they can hook you up with the resources to get out of your mother’s house.
Added:
Mia
I did call the women’s shelter in my area and told them about my older brother being weird and that I felt it was unsafe for my daughter to be at my mothers but the lady I spoke to said that I didn’t fit their criteria since I wasn’t abused by any partner. So I’m still stuck with my daughter at my mother’s house. I would call my ex-husband, but his new girlfriend doesn’t want him to have anything to do with our daughter. So I try to keep my daughter with me at all times. Still I slipped up earlier today though I brought my daughter out of my room for lunch and I looked away for a second to throw away a piece of trash and when I turned to see what my baby was doing she was standing by him and he had his hand out with his hand turned upward. I glared at him and he said he was trying to grab his shoe which is BS.
Added:
Danielle
Wrong!!! You have every right to be mad!! I can’t read these anymore. STOP BEING A PUSHOVER. THIS IS YOUR CHILD! Why wouldn’t you tell him to back off and if he does it again that you’d make sure his body is never found. Helllooooo stand up for her!
Added:
Danielle
Your mother is a toxic person as well for that. Keep being firm with that weirdo brother of yours and scare the crap out of him as much as you can. Do not leave her for a minute alone.. take her in the bathroom somehow when you shower. Put her in a high chair in there and be quick. He is a creeper.
Added:
robin
My child gets upset all the time. When I tell her something, she wets the bed. She ran away from my mom the other day. She tells me I don’t love her. The last guy I was with, some times wanted to spend time with her alone. She says she doesn’t want to be with me. What can I do?
Added:
Wendy H
How old is she?
Added:
Cathy
I was sexually abused as a child. I will tell you now that all those warning signs are very true… But children can also be very smart and know how to hide it.
What scared me into keeping the secret was when another child in our neighbourhood and her friend were found fondling each other naked. I was abused by an adult AND by older children. I also had to protect my little sister from being touched by other children but I don’t know if she got abused by an adult or not. I think she did.
The incident was broadcasted through the whole neighbourhood, there was a big commotion, the families moved away and that was when my Mother started asking us sternly if anything happened to us. She would take us aside and ask repeatedly. It scared the hell out of me, because I thought I would get the whole family in trouble if I told.
Some advice I would give to parents is to observe your child very carefully if they shows signs or tell you something and try not to scare them.
Added:
Cheryl Greene
Thank you for your honest and, I’m sure, painful reply. I’m so sorry you went through that in your childhood.
Your advice seems so wise.
Children read between the lines and behind our questions. They want to please so much that they sometimes even create the answer that they think we want to hear (or hide the answer they think we do not want to hear). Turning a blind eye to our fears isn’t wise either.
I agree with observe, listen, protect.
Best, @MsGreene
Note: I am the co-founder of DrGreene.com, but I am not Dr. Greene and I am not a doctor. Please keep that in mind when reading my comments and replies.
Added:
India
Please — fight like hell for your children. If you’re scared, get help but fight. You love him or/and her. Fight for your babies. Pray to God also to protect them and if anyone tries to harm them and take their purity they won’t be spared.
Added:
stxgal
I have concerns about my 5 year old. This past Saturday I was in my room folding clothes and watching TV. I zoned out while my 5 year old and my 3 year old watched TV in the living room. I look out the door to check up on them and I see my five year old with her pants down undies still up and she was putting our new puppy in between her legs. I automatically asked her what was she doing and she got startled. I found it very odd and brought her in my room and started questioning her. Why was she doing that? What was the purpose? And then I started asking if someone ever touched her privates. Her eyes got watery and crying she told me after a good while that it was a little girl in the school bus she rides in the mornings. I asked her what she would do to her and she said she touch her over her jeans. I asked her if she ever told her to stop and she told me she did but the girl never stopped and that this had happened more than once. I went on monday to talk about my concerns with the counsler. She told me she was going to talk to my daughter and the little girl and their teachers. My daughters teacher said that she was one of her best students and that she has not noticed any changes in her. I received her call back and told me the little girl said she only ever hit her once but never anything else. I asked if she could ride in front of the buss with my oldest daughter which is in the 4th grade and they made that accomadation. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to take it further and get parties involved that are innocent or might be innocent. I’m thinking in some way maybe because she got startled and I got upset that she might have lied. I really dont know what to think. I myself was molested and raped at age 14. Being a victim I hate the thought of that happening to any one or especially any child. I have noticed that my daughter has been lying more and has been acting up more than usual. I know kids are kids and kids may explore themselves. I just dont know what to think or do or who to go to in this situation. Help! Advice?
Added:
Er
chiId services, p0Iice. sch00I didnt resp0nd pr0per IegaIIY they have t0 rep0rt t0 b0th and didnt. y0u can sue the sch00I as weII
Added:
Elizabeth
My 4 year old son has to go to his dad’s house every other weekend. His father lives with his mother (takes care of her) and his fathers’ sister, and 3 cousins. The house is packed. The place is unkempt and has people coming and going. We have been through court and since he is his father, he has to have time with him. Lately he has done badly in pre-k. He can’t concentrate or pay attention. He has mood swings and yells at his step-father and me. We were laying in bed a few months ago and he said “Mommy, I love you so much I want to put my wiener (not a term he uses) in your pee-bug.” He said, “or is that what adults do?” All while laying on me and moving. I gently pushed him off me and said “No, honey. We do not do that. Who told you that?” He got embarrassed and stammered. Later that day he said “My Daddy said that is what you and ***** do.” He asked us why his cousins pee-bug is bigger then his. He has had blood while wiping and he said it hurts. He says this cousin, who is 12, is really mean to him and slams him on the ground and yells at him. He has recently started peeing all over the toilet and missing the toilet completely because he doesn’t pay attention. It’s like he zones out. Lastly, he tried to kiss me goodnight. He said “No, Mommy, you kiss like this.. Open your mouth. Put your tongue in my mouth.” I said, “Who did that to you. He told me his 12 year old cousins name.” What do I do?
Added:
Michelle
Elizabeth, reading this makes me very sad. To me, it’s obvious that something is going on when he is at his dad’s house. In my opinion, you need to get him away from that situation as soon as possible. I’m not a therapist, so I can’t tell you what to say to him, but definitely make sure he knows HE has done nothing wrong. I would make sure you get him to a psychologist that can determine what is happening and possibly get you the support you need to make sure he doesn’t go into that house again. Also, if this is a 12 year old molesting him – this is a child as well and he will need help. It won’t get better and doing nothing about it will only make it worse. He’s just a baby at 4, please protect him from this situation. Good luck.
Added:
Wendy H
I hope so Cw your post that you’ve taken your child to his pediatrician and reported these Incidents. It is obvious he is being molested. My heart goes out to you. Stay strong and watch over your baby. Straighten up your shoulders. You can get through this. But please deal with it!!!
Added:
gina
I have a 2 month old baby girl in the system at the moment…I’m not saying something is happening or happened. But very concerned because she is not in my care. I would really like to know the signs or symptoms of sexual abuse on a newborn.
Lately I noticed kind of a smell when I change her during our visits. And yesterday she was sickly, and gummy eyed. My first girl…but I heard that girls have a wall or a block in their Vagina…is this true?
How can you notice or see if the wall is broken (entered)? And where would the bruising be? Can you see anything else that would be different down there? And how and where can I get her checked for this? Please Help as I am concerned for the well being of my daughter.
Added:
Anonymous
I’m in the same situation as you. I just had my daughter one month ago, premature. Her dad ran straight to the courts after three weeks to file for primary residential custody. I’ve always had a strange feeling about him. We were together for ten months off and on. Every time we broke up was because of his lies, deception, and manipulation. When we talk he either looks me dead in the eyes to where it’s uncomfortable or faces towards me but looks away but all over the place.
There was a couple of incidences with my first daughter, 11 years old, different dads, where he told her, “not to tell your mom because that’s going to make her sad.” He was trying to convince her to stay at his home with me because she wanted to leave. This happened in the bedroom and I was right outside so I don’t know if I should’ve been worried about that. A couple months later I brought my daughter to his house again. She didn’t want to stay and I wanted her to sleep over because I missed her, but didn’t want to leave him. She told me he rubbed her thigh when he was talking to her. She pushed his hand away, he got closer to her, and said, “why are you mad at me?” as he continued rubbing her leg. He is a very affectionate guy, so maybe that’s his way of showing compassion? When my daughter told me this I believed her, but didn’t think anything serious of this. She told all of my relatives and told them not to tell me because I would confront him and she thought he would get mad at her. Even though nothing happened I feel like a horrible mom for not listening.
I’ve always promised myself that my child comes first before a man, especially if she’s not comfortable. One day we were talking about the new baby and not being together. I told him I would not leave her alone with him incase he was a child molester. He said, “how do I know if you’re the child molester?” I was expecting him to say something else or deny that statement, but because he made that response, it has me thinking that maybe he is. Another thing, he would always invite my daughter over to go swimming, but never me.
Now I have a newborn and I’m terrified to the point that it’s affecting my sleep and mental health. It is my responsibility to protect my young one especially because she doesn’t have a voice yet. Because it’s in the hands of the court system, my hands are tied. I tried reaching out to his first daughters mother as well as agencies and organizations but they said they can’t do anything until the crime’s committed. But what about all the red flags? Am I over reacting? HELP.
Added:
Livie
You can take her to the doctor and see if her hymen has been broken. Its called a hymen btw, its a thun layer of skin in the vagina that is broke during sex which is why it hurts and bleeds when you have sex for the first time.
Added:
ariel
I have an 8 month old daughter. Last night we were at grandpas (daddy’s dad) and he was alone with her no more than 35 sec. I come in the room and he’s fixing her clothes and he’s acting all nervous. Im scared for my baby. I don’t know if I should question him or wait.
Added:
Mia
When he’s around your daughter I don’t think you should ever leave her side even just to use the bathroom. Everything can wait until you feel like your baby is safe.
Added:
Carla perezz
It felt wrong the way he was wrestling with her and he had been drinking. When they stopped and I saw his hand graze her chest I said kind of loud, “Mathew! I need to talk to you.” He jumped up so fast. And she ran out the back door. I tried to reach into his pants to see if he was hard, so I would know for sure, but I think he had it tucked back, you know? But he got all upset, “I can’t believe his!” “Give me a minute” and he just stood in the kitchen. Then I told him I just wanted to sneak out and have a cigarette. But why did they react like that? Later he was laying his head on her stomach and chest. Is that wrong? She’s ten. And is it also wrong for him to sleep with his kids instead of me when they’re those ages? I’ve always been supportive. I care about both of his daughters. Please tell me if I’m overreacting. I’m afraid.
Added:
won't tell
It’s a difficult subject to discuss, because you don’t want to believe that someone you trust would do that to a child, but speaking as a person who was abused all through childhood, there is a problem here.
The reaction that both your child and husband had are huge red flags. If your child feels shame in a situation that could be considered ambiguous, that means there have probably been previous experiences of abuse. I would try and keep my children away from spending alone time with the husband (understand that if you do nothing to prevent the abuse, the child may interpret it as being ok, or that you already know but it’s normal, and the shame for the way they feel will be harder to deal with later in life.)
At 10 your child most probably has discovered masturbation to some extent, and is probably experiencing mild sexual curiosity (a subject lots of children talk about at that age without necessarily understanding it) that means that not only should your child be able to do this exploration without an adult around, but especially if the father spends nights with them at that age.
Please trust your instincts because whatever you see or think you see, it’s almost always worse when you’re not looking. Maybe this would be a good time to have “the talk with your kid, just try to do it in a casual and educational way (no interrogation) and most importantly, make sure your husband is no where near at this time (not even in the same house).
Your kid needs to feel safe and not accused of anything. I hope you and your child will be alright. Just try not to avoid the situation like my parents did when I tried to tell them.
Added:
Dee
When my daughter was between the ages of 2 and 5 she consistently reported that her father was putting red things in her butt, which she could not explain what they were at the time. My ex and I were going through a divorce/custody battle at the time. My attorney told me to bring her into the hospital for an exam the first time she reported it to me, which at the age of 2.5 was inconclusive.
The court had a field day with the allegation. Her allegations continued and we were in the store one day and she yelled out “Twizzlers,” which I was confused about her blurting this out. She then stated, “that was what daddy was putting in my butt.” I immediately called CPS again and they did a 15 minute interview with my daughter, called the police and then gave her father THREE days notice and told him what they were coming for and exactly what for.
This was in October — the police found not one piece of candy in the house. Fast forward four years later and she recants by saying, “Do you remember when I told you about the red things — that never happened.” Dad has since had people living in his household and as far as I know, nothing has happened since. Obviously, there is a little more to this story, but this is the gist.
Do you think that a child could indicate such things and then recant like this? The entire situation has never sat well with me and I still worry every day, because her father is an abusive man with extreme addictive behaviors.
Added:
Carla perezz
He sounds like an idiot. I bet your two year old had her but crack showing (as is common with growing babies) and dad thought it would be funny to stick something in there. In this case perhaps the twizzlers he was eating. Scoff
Added:
D C
I am trying not to over react and trying not to under react either.
My youngest is 2 and last week she was having her diaper changed and was playing with a stuffed cat which she tried putting in her diaper (not in a suggestive way) and I said don’t put the kitty by your dirty bum. She then made like the kitty was licking her dirty bum.
I called my mom panicking. My mom said that she and her twin brother always walk around like kitties and lick at people, arms, knee, hand or face. And we were talking about kitties and bums and it was likely nothing. No one has access to my children. My husband myself and my grandmother are the main care providers. I spoke to my husband when I was so upset about it, he too was shook up. My mom calmed us both down some. She said if it happened a bunch of times then worry about it. Not to make a huge deal out of it, which I admit I probably overreacted.
The next morning we were snuggling. And she was watching YouTube on my cell phone. And I looked over and she was watching the show where there were people pooping things like that it’s called doodie man (totally inappropriate). And I recalled that my three-year-old had found the same show a few days before on her own. I will admit that we have been very negligent in monitoring what they’re watching on YouTube, which I feel absolutely horrible about. I wrongly assumed graphic content wouldn’t make its way on there. Anyway later that day my two-year-old licked her dolls butt. When I said that’s gross where did you learn that? She told me the bum was dirty, see? And she pointed to the (writing it was a Cabbage Patch doll) we refer to poopy pants as dirty bums.
My gut tells me she saw something on YouTube, it was all within the three-day span of that. If you go to that cartoon I was referring to, the links that are below it that you can just touch and move to are all inappropriate. I sat through some of the doodie man, never saw the actual poop licking, but did she poop eating and various other things like that, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it was in there.
I just can’t subject myself to hours of footage to try and find the one they may have seen. And I cannot see anyone in our life doing that. I cannot see my husband, or anyone else. But I don’t want to overlook something, yet I don’t want to over react as well.
Please help. I feel like a $h!tty parent for letting them have youtube access, but they were watching kid stuff, and now I got complacent and I am paying for it :(
Added:
Carla perezz
What if she saw Gramma’s kitty cats licking each other’s butts. Isn’t that how momma cats clean their kittens? Children learn a surprising amount from animals. I think it’s cute how much you are overreacting. It sounds like you’re a good parent. Really surprised you let your three year old watch YouTube though.
Added:
J
If you ask a 2/3 year old leading questions about someone touching them, like did such and such do this, is that a good way to do it. Furthermore, what if this is someone that normally changes and takes care of the child?
Added:
N
Stop it. Right now!
Added:
sarah
My 3yr goes to visitation at her dads/grandmother’s house 4x week with her almost 2yr brother. My daughter has come home several times with red, sore,and swollen genitals! My son came home with red and sore penis once! Each time it’s only their genitals and not the surrounding area. My daughter has been saying for about a week and a half her 7yr cousins touched her! Tonight she told me again and I asked her where they touched her? She said at Daddy’s. I asked her to touch herself where they touched her and she immediately put her hand to her genitals. She then told me her but too and they tickle her butt! I asked her if her 11yr cousin touched her? She said no, she touched brother (my son) and made him cry. I then asked her if she could show me were the cousin touched her brother, she pointed to my son’s penis. She then climbed on top of my son in the bathtub and started like humping him and making what I would call see noises. I’m worried and scared! I don’t know what to do or who to contact? Do I need to be concerned? My daughter also has tried sticking things in her vagina, stick her finger inside her butt, while sitting on the potty non stop playing with her self down there.
Added:
Hanna
Get the child away from ALL those involved, seek legal advice and medical too. DO NOT ALLOW them to GO NEAR your ex or his mother or cousins or uncles or whomever.
Protect YOUR CHILDREN. If you have these concerns, GO TO THE POLICE! S/S and or a GP. Just doing NOTHING is exactly that, doing NOTHING!!! These innocent children need YOU to protect them! She’s telling you abuse is happening to them both for, goodness sake!
Added:
sarah
I have been to the police, dss and the hospital! I am being forced to send them into evil! I tried a restraining order and judge shot that down!! That whole side of family is very evil and have heavy mental illness. All reports I have made to the police or dss state it’s an ugly custody battle!
What can I do to protect them/get something done!? I am just sick that no one will help or believe!!!!! My daughter tells me almost daily that @#÷×% and i_^::! Took her clothes off and her britches (what we call diapers/pull ups) and touched her butt and she touches her vagina. She will whisper we have to be very quiet and don’t tell! She keeps telling me s@&&€% takes her brothers clothes and britches off and touches him. My son is not yet 2 and he says s@&&€% plays Dr with him. My daughter keeps telling that i-^::! Nickel her brother down and held him down and refused to let him up! She gets very upset while telling it.
I do believe the ex and his mom know what has happened! The ex’s family never call any of the kids by name ever it’s the boys, twins, the baby and little man. My daughter has said KIDS! DONT YOU EVER TOUCH EMMY LIKE THAT AGAIN! (Emmy is what she calls herself). It is court ordered that he gets the kids 2 days a week for 4 hrs and 2 days for 2hrs. The ex is majorly addicted to weed. He smokes it the minute he wakes up and continues to smoke it all day until he goes to bed. Unfortunately we live in a legal marijuana state so that is completely acceptable and he is back to drinking as well.
I am at a loss and would love any and all help or advice to protect my kids and keep them safe! I want to protect them without the threat of losing my kids! I’ve been told if I don’t send them to evil then I will get contempt and he will get the kids! I am at a total loss! I have tried the legal ways to get help just to fail. The court facilitator is always trying to find a way to give my ex more time with the kids! I have been reporting to dss about my kids coming home bruised up, diaper rash to the point of blistering and bleeding, my daughter getting a very bad 2 degree burn to half her hand etc. And they say what do you want us to do about it? I am just at a total loss!!!
Added:
sarah
The police told me that my daughter is acting out what she has heard or saw! I can honestly say my kids DO NOT see or hear this stuff with me!!!! My TV is 99% of the time on Disney Channel, the 1% on the on the little couple (my kids love Will and Zoe)! I am very careful what my kids watch in my care! And I strongly believe kids come before a boyfriend (honest opinion, kids first, then furkids, then a man!) My only hope is that their counselor can do something! She has most definitely seen major detrimental changes to BOTH my kids!!!!
Added:
N
When your daughter comes back from the ex’s, take her to her pediatrician to be tested for THC. If he’s smoking with her in the room, she’s getting passive smoke and it will show in her urine or blood.
Even if weed is legal in your state, it’s not legal to give weed to children and you can get him/them on this.
The end result is he’ll have to have only supervised visits with her, and the courts could make him give pee tests as a condition of his privilege to be in her life.
Added:
Er
agreed why are u even asking u have pr00f it happened
I
Added:
heather
So if i have a feeling my husband could be doing things to my 4 yr old daughter there are places that i can call to talk to someone about it? I know something is going on cause she is so clingy she wont let me leave her alone nor him. She has her legs open so much i havent seen children do that it seems she makes his arm or hand go between her legs sometimes thats very odd to me. He wont stop taking showers with her she still doesnt wipe her own butt even though she is potty trained im just so worried.
Added:
Mandy medina
Please stop letting him take showers with her! Why are you letting him do that? With all these concerns why would you allow that? Please be her protector and DO NOT ALLOW IT get some help for you and her. Find out! For sure!
Added:
Audrey
Also, your daughter is 4 and that is extremely inappropriate for the father to be taking a shower with his daughter. EXTREMELY. If he’s telling you he’s the father and it’s okay, you’re overreacting, HE’S LYING. Are you isolated too?
Are you so removed from others with children that you feel like your expectations and desires regarding how he treats your daughter seem unreasonable? You might be in an abusive relationship. No reasonable grown man would take a shower with his 4 year old daughter and expose himself like that. It’s gross, unacceptable, and completely INAPPROPRIATE.
Added:
Hanna
You HAVE TO GET your DAUGHTER AWAY from that man. You should in NO WAY ALLOW abuse to be going on! You say you ‘have a feeling’ and that ‘you have evidence’ then for your daughters’ sake, PROTECT HER!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot believe some of these comments. Children are our responsibility. If you allow this to happen you are as bad as the abuser! How will she feel in 10-30 years from now that you just stood by and allowed this to happen. Get out and get her some help!
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