Tool #3 for Resilience

As we all know, life can be very generous in delivering challenges. A key component to true and lasting happiness is learning the skill of resilience, the ability to bounce back from challenging times. Unfortunately, the only way for your child to really learn resilience is to actually work through times of challenge, adversity, or loss.

To help your child successfully navigate his way through challenging times, you can arm him with the A–B Formula, a tool that will help when he is having a hard time with what he is feeling or doing. This tool is also a tangible way for children to deal with negative and limited views or beliefs about themselves—the inner judge or scorekeeper that’s inside all of our heads. Here’s how it breaks down:

The A-B Formula is “A” = Accept and “B”= Baby Step.


True acceptance of whom and where you are today is an absolutely critical step in being able to face challenges and is also key to building self-worth. Acceptance is the starting point for movement and growth.

There are three steps to accept.

  • Be aware of where you are today
  • Be kind and patient with yourself
  • Take responsibility instead of blaming others


Baby Step

To move forward, a baby step helps ignite the momentum for change to happen. Taking a baby step that is appropriately challenging will build your confidence and motivation and will keep you moving in a positive direction.

There are two steps to a baby step.

  • Take a step in the direction you want to go
  • Make it a step you can handle today


The A–B Formula will help your child to see challenges in life as an opportunity to become stronger rather than something that’s unfair, overwhelming, or to be avoided. This new approach will not only build long-term resilience but will also boost her overall self-esteem, happiness and positive outlook on life.

Published on: August 09, 2012
About the Author
Photo of Jonathan Hewitt

Jonathan Hewitt is the founder of Life Ki-do Parenting, Martial Arts, and Life Education. Jonathan has taught martial arts and life skills to children for over twenty years and has a renowned martial arts academy in Austin, Texas. He is the author of Life Ki-do Parenting: Tools to Raise Happy, Confident Kids from the Inside Out.

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