Each day I see parents trying their best to do what’s right for their families, but no one has the perfect guidebook that tells parents what to do. Here are the top ten solvable problems that I advise parents to remedy today.

1 ) Do… Have confidence in your parenting style.Don’t… Worry about what your parents or the neighbors or your child’s teacher thinks about your parenting style. Create a parenting style that makes you comfortable and relax.

2 ) Do… Create an exercise program for yourself.Don’t… Skip it because you don’t have the time. Kids follow our example.  If we’re not exercising, they won’t learn to either.  So take care of yourself and teach your kids to do the same.

3 ) Do… Take the time to create healthy love foods for your family.Don’t… settle routinely for food that isn’t helping them build a strong body and mind. What children eat is vitally important and the foods they learn to love when young will often be their favorites as adults.  You can create healthy love foods for them by what you feed them now and give them a life-long gift.

4 ) Do… Give your kids a good multi-vitamin each day.Don’t… Trust our food sources to provide all the nutrients kids need. Most kids don’t eat 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day.  Even if they did (and I do encourage at least that many) our food’s nutrient density has gone down.  Kids need a good multi-vitamin each day to round out their nutritional needs.

5 ) Do… Stay consistent with your rules.Don’t… Let whining wear you down. If you want a child to sleep in her own bed, then letting her sleep in your bed “just this once” is going to make it much harder later.

6 )  Do… Think about the things that matter.Don’t… Pick the wrong things to worry about. You need to pay close attention to some things, like your kids’ safety.  But don’t sweat the small stuff even if it means your kids sleep in their street clothes instead of pajamas.

7 ) Do… Take advantage of today.Don’t… Wait until tomorrow to build life-long memories. Plan something every season that your kids will look forward to year after year.

8 )  Do… Pay attention to both your perspective and your child’s.Don’t… Lose sight of your needs or theirs. If we focus too much on whatever children want, or too much on what we want, they miss out on learning both to give and receive.

Dr. Greene’s Answer:

When my youngest son, Austin, was just a toddler, we took him on a winter vacation with my extended family. We purchased and packed winter clothes. We scrambled to buy snow chains (that we later found out didn’t fit!). We struggled to shove everything into the car. And finally, we were off. Of course we weren’t able to get on the road until late, so by the time we arrived, everyone was tired. Some vacation!

The next morning, the whole family played in the snow. We built a snowman, and my father “shared” his hat and scarf with Mr. Snowman for the family pictures. We slid down our very own hill to giggles of delight. It was great fun – until we got soaking wet and cold. So we all bundled up and went for a scenic drive. Of course a scenic drive on winding mountain roads doesn’t make every tummy happy. Need I say more?

By the time we got back to our cabin, it was late. Dinner still wasn’t ready – not a great thing for over-tired kids. Is this really a vacation???

Our room wasn’t heated properly so we all had to sleep in our clothes that night — all our clothes – except for the ones that were still wet from the snow. And I must say, “sleep” is an exaggeration.

But then morning came. Snowflakes gently floated to earth in one of those rare moments when you wonder if you are inside a snow globe. It was Austin’s first snowfall! I’ll never forget the look on his face as I held him in my arms and he experienced SNOW. The sparkle in his eyes was a reflection of the wonder all around us, and at that moment, we had a vacation.

We packed up and left a short time later. We tried to beat the storm and the crowds back to the city, but we were too late. What had been a four-hour drive on the way up became a grueling nine-hour return trip. And then came unpacking, and drying everything out, and cleaning the car, and trying to get ready for work the next day.

Vacation?! Yes! But not in the adult sense of the word. Not a time for relaxation and pampering. Not a time to look forward to and back on as a break from work. No, a vacation with kids is a whole different experience. It’s a time to share new experiences. It’s a time to introduce our children to sights and sounds and tastes that they can’t get at home. It’s a time to build family memories. It’s a time just to be together.

So, tips for surviving family vacations with babies in the mix? Change your own expectations of what a vacation is. Don’t get uptight when the schedule doesn’t work. Don’t worry if everyone isn’t happy (after all, it’s nearly impossible to make three kids happy all the time no matter what you do!). And when those moments of “vacation” happen – when your children toddle into the surf and touch their toes in the cold water for the first time; when one child pours a bucket of sand over her head and giggles at the feeling of sand in her clothes; when dad pretends to sleep on the beach and the whole family buries him in the sand, and then stands back to exclaim that they have out-smarted dad — at those moments, remember that you are building a life-time of memories for your children. You are truly on vacation!

Dr. Greene’s Answer:

Your questions are timely ones for our readers in the Northern Hemisphere — it’s time for fun in the sun and the water! My apologies to those of you from Brazil, Australia, South Africa, and other countries that are heading into the winter months. But wherever you are, if you are a summer lover, take comfort in knowing that this information will be useful to you – in a few months.

Swimmer’s ear is an infection of the skin lining the ear canal. Bacteria normally live on the surface of this skin with no ill effect. If there is a break in the skin’s normal barrier, however, the bacteria can get inside and cause an infection called external otitis or swimmer’s ear (this is different from otitis media). If the ear is wet for a long period of time, the skin can become prune-like in the same way one’s fingers and toes become soft and wrinkled when they are in water for a long period of time. Bacteria can easily move into the soft skin. Tiny scratches in the ear canal (usually from sticking a finger or some other object into the ear) also leave the skin vulnerable to infection. The skin can even be breached as a result of the ear’s becoming extraordinarily dry, causing the skin to crack. Ironically, swimmer’s ear can be the result of spending time in desert conditions.

Swimmer’s ear is more common in people who spend time in swimming pools than in people who swim in lakes. This is thought to be the case because the chlorine in swimming pools kills the good bacteria in the ear fairly effectively, but is not as effective against the harmful bacteria hiding in the ear canal. This does not mean the water in the swimming pool is infected — the wetness is the problem. For unclear reasons, swimmer’s ear is not common in infants, but it is particularly prevalent in pre-school and school-age children.

There are a couple of ways to prevent swimmer’s ear. One is to make sure the ears get dry after being in the water. This can be facilitated by turning the head and gently pulling the ear in different directions to help drain the water out of the ear. It is also very helpful to dry the opening of the ear very carefully as far as you can reach with a towel. Avoid using cotton-tip applicators in the ear. If swimmer’s ear becomes a recurrent problem, you can put a few drops of rubbing alcohol in each time it becomes wet, to facilitate drying. Another good alternative is instilling a few drops of white vinegar. The acetic acid inhibits the growth of bacteria in the skin.

The symptoms of swimmer’s ear are itchy and/or painful ear. This is often accompanied by a small amount of clear discharge. The ear is particularly sensitive to the ear lobe’s being moved up and down. If a child does develop swimmer’s ear, it can often be treated with a few drops of white vinegar placed in both ears. Put the vinegar in one ear and leave it for about five minutes before turning that ear down in order to drain the vinegar solution. Repeat this twice a day for three days. If the symptoms worsen or persist for over three days, prescription antibiotic drops may be necessary.

Swimming is generally not associated with the other type of ear infections — otitis media. This is true even if a child has ear tubes

Another summer consideration is protection from the sun’s rays. Sunglasses with UV-protection help protect children’s eyes from the UV rays and decrease the risk of cataracts in adulthood. Sunscreen, loose clothing, and hats help protect children’s sensitive skin. This is very important because, even though skin cancer occurs in adults, the serious skin cancers are caused by the sun exposure (particularly the sun burns) that occur during childhood.

Try to avoid the sun’s most intense rays by staying out of the sun during the middle of the day — and don’t be lulled into complacency by overcast days, since most of the sun’s harmful rays will get through the clouds. Be especially careful if you are around water, sand, snow, or any surface that will reflect and therefore intensify the sun’s rays. Remember, the sun’s rays are more intense the higher you get in elevation.

When purchasing sunscreen, select a PABA-free brand with an SPF of at least 15 and both UVA and UVB protection. While we used to believe that UVB was the main danger in sunlight, recently, dermatologists and researchers have come to realize that UVA light rays may also contribute to skin damage and skin cancer.

In general, infants’ skin is much thinner and more sensitive to the sun than adults’ skin, even in individuals with darker complexions. I recommend sunscreen with a SPF of 30 or greater for all children. Sunscreen is most effective if first applied 20-30 minutes before sun exposure. Use sunscreen whenever you expect to be in the sun for thirty minutes or more, and re-apply after swimming. Even water-proof sunscreens should be re-applied every 80 minutes or so, after being in the water.

Also keep in mind that many of us grossly underestimate the amount of sunscreen we need to apply – many dermatologists recommend using at least one ounce (the amount that fills a shot-glass) to cover the body.

This is a wonderful time of the year. Most children love to be outdoors. By all means, take your children outdoors and enjoy the summer fun. While you are giving your children a good time, you can also give them the gift of future good health by being careful. Protecting your children’s eyes from the dangerous rays of the sun and protecting their skin from sunburns is a gift that will last their whole lives.

Dr. Greene’s Answer:

The holidays are here again already! Scenes from this time of year form many of my most vivid memories from childhood. The remaining days of this season will fly by ever so quickly. Take a moment to decide what few holiday activities you definitely don’t want to miss in the rush of the season. And when holiday magic does happen, don’t be tricked into rushing on by!

Holidays with kids can be the most wonderful and the most exhausting time of the year. The key to making this a magical time is planning ahead.

(Note: Many of our readers may not celebrate Christmas, but the general principles outlined below can be applied to any holiday. The specific activities will, of course, be different, but that is what gives us rich cultural diversity.)

Make a list of all the things you would love to do this holiday season. Go ahead and dream big. (Since you mentioned that you were short on ideas, I’ve included some possibilities for your list). Now, prioritize. If you could only do one thing, what would it be? Then if you could do one more thing, what would that be? Keep asking this question until you’ve gotten through the entire list. Have your husband do the same thing. Next, sit down with your husband (preferably after the kids are in bed) and compare your lists. You may find that there is something very important to your husband that you didn’t even consider. Be sure you try to look at things from your kids’ perspective as well. Maybe the thing a seven-year-old wants to do is see real snow (especially if you are from a warm-weather state like California), while a five-year-old may be delighted by a family trip to the movies.

Now, taking all this into consideration, decide together how you will spend the limited time you have during this busy season. You will probably need to eliminate several things at the bottom of your list. You may decide that the most important thing for your family is a big feast on Christmas Day. Since most of the work involved must be done later in the month, your family will probably have time to do some other things earlier in the month. If you have more time than your husband does, you may be able to do some of the preparation for family activities, or you and the kids may do some things without him. Be sure to add at least one activity just for you and your husband, even if it is brief — get a sitter and do something special as a couple.

Putting together a dream list and prioritizing it is very important. One of the reasons we often feel overwhelmed by the season is that we try to do everything — everything doesn’t make the holiday special, but a few things can, if they are chosen carefully.

Here is our dream list:

• Have professional family photos taken. Frame them and include them in the holiday decorations.
• Decorate the house with lots of evergreen so that the house smells like a forest.
• Decorate the house with moving holiday displays.
• Drive to a Christmas tree farm out in the country and cut a tree.
• Play Christmas music while we decorate the tree, and when we are done, have everyone stand around it holding hands, and sing “Oh, Christmas Tree”!
• String lights all over the outside of our house.
• Shop for presents for everyone on our gift list.
• Make wrapping paper and wrap each gift.
• Have a crockpot of spiced apple cider going all month long, so we can enjoy a steaming mug whenever we are in the mood — plus it makes the house smell like cinnamon and cloves all the time.
• Send Christmas cards to friends and family that we won’t have an opportunity to see during the holidays.
• Throw a Christmas party.
• Bake homemade cookies to give to our friends and neighbors.
• Make homemade pulled candy to give to special people.
• Make a gingerbread house.
• Go to a big city and look at the store windows.
• Have the kids’ pictures taken sitting on Santa’s lap.
• Find a neighborhood that has lots of lights and go for a drive after dark (in our pajamas and bathrobes!).
• Take a ride in a horse-drawn carriage.
• Have high tea in a fancy hotel.
• See live productions of “A Christmas Carol” and “The Nutcracker”.
• Organize a group for caroling in our neighborhood.
• Build a snow-person (or even a snow-family) all dressed in holiday attire.
• Get a family photo taken with our snow-family.
• Read the Christmas story aloud in front of a bonfire.
• Go ice skating at an outdoor rink.
• Spend time with our extended families for holiday feasts.
• Go to a football game.
• Take a picture of the kids in front of the Christmas tree on Christmas morning.

As I’m sure you have guessed, this list is a dream! With our busy schedules, there is no way we could do all of this in one holiday season. The important thing is to prioritize your list. With list in hand, here are some things we’ve found to make it all work:

• No matter how much you plan ahead, things will go wrong. So be ready to let things go — especially the things that are near the bottom of your list.
• It is especially important to have fixed, relatively early bedtimes for the kids during this busy season. They need the consistent sleep, and parents need a few extra hours each week. Everyone will be happier if you follow this tip!
• Create annual traditions. Kids love to have things to look forward to. Maybe your family has decided to build a snowman in front of your house each year on Christmas Eve, or perhaps it’s watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” on TV. In years to come your children will talk about, and look forward to, those traditions in ways you can’t imagine (unless you had traditions growing up as a child).
• Consider your children’s developmental levels when making holiday plans. Having a Christmas tree with pretty balls on it is asking for trouble with toddlers, especially if the tree is at floor level. If you have a climber, then putting things just out of his or her little reach isn’t smart either. You can do it, but you may spend most of the season saying, “NO!” This doesn’t make anyone happy.
• Pay careful attention to what your kids are dreaming of for gifts. Two years ago my second son told Santa that the only thing he wanted for Christmas was Donkey Kong Country 2. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen until the week before Christmas, when every copy of the game was sold out in our area (does this sound strangely like a movie plot?). Well, you guessed it, I wound up driving to a small town two hours away (four hours round trip) to get the last copy of the game to be had. Since my son knew the game was out of stock everywhere, he felt especially loved by the gift, and it was well worth the drive — but this year I’m keeping my ear to the ground early! By the way, I’m sure parents started the tradition of getting kids to write letters to Santa just so they could find out what their children wanted.
• Include the kids whenever you can in your holiday preparation. Kids love art projects, so get them to make your holiday cards and decorate wrapping paper. Coloring can be very fun, or with some supervision, they can sponge paint snow flakes, Christmas trees, and other holiday symbols onto brown craft paper for an inexpensive yet festive look.
• Kids also love to get involved in the kitchen. Instead of making a complicated candy recipe (that even a talented cook has trouble getting just right and encourages over indulgence), choose a simple, healthier alternative. I like melting a high-quality dark chocolate (such as Green and Black, Dagoba, or Endangered Species) in a double boiler. When it is in a creamy state, help your little one dip about one third of a slice of dried apple into the chocolate mixture. Lay the chocolate-covered apples onto a sheet of waxed paper to cool. For extra fun, sprinkle chopped organic walnuts or pecans on to the apples while they are still warm. This recipe is very easy, healthy, and delicious!
• While pretty packages make a house look festive, some young children can’t seem to resist the temptation to peek. Waiting until the last minute to put gifts out can save energy (re-wrapping Grandma’s and Auntie’s gifts) and make Christmas morning even more special — it’s no wonder Santa arrives just before time to open the packages!

Now here is the most important thing I have to say — holiday magic can’t be forced. It comes at the most unexpected times and in the most unimagined ways. One year I experienced it when we stumbled on to the public lighting ceremony of a Menorah; another year it happened when the entire family joined hands to pray around the Christmas table. One year I experienced the magic of Christmas while I sat alone in the cold waiting for a tow truck. Whenever that moment happens for you, stop and enjoy it. The same principle holds true for your children — the magic of the season may happen for them in the middle of a busy mall when they see a Christmas display, or when you plug in the lights on your tree for the first or the last time of the season, or when they open that special gift from you. If you are able to see a special sparkle in your child’s eyes it means something has just come alive. Drop your plans. Christmas is happening in that moment — don’t miss it.

Sample Priority List

Here is our working list for this year. We may only make it to item 10, but at least we will do the things that are really important to our family first.

1. Spend time with our extended families for holiday feasts. — This is something that we wouldn’t miss!
2. Have professional family photos taken. — If you’ve read much of what I’ve written, you’ll know that I’m a firm believer in the power of photographs to make lasting memories.
3. Take a picture of the kids in front of the Christmas tree on Christmas morning. — We do this as a tradition each year. It’s fun to look back from year to year to see how much all the kids in the extended family have grown!
4. Read the Christmas story aloud in front of a bonfire. — It can be found in Luke Chapter 2.
5. Have the kids’ pictures taken sitting on Santa’s lap. — It’s amazing what you will learn if you listen to what the kids tell Santa!
6. Go ice skating at an outdoor rink. — Though my toddler isn’t up to this yet, I’m really looking forward to taking my older kids.
7. Decorate the house with lots of evergreens — I really love the smell.
8. Decorate the house with moving holiday displays. — If you have a busy toddler this year, you might want to skip a tree and use a combination of table-top moving displays and evergreens to make your house feel special.
9. Shop for presents from a gift list. — We are narrowing down the list this year, not only for time’s sake, but because our budget dictates.
10. Wrap gifts. — We are going to have as many of the gifts wrapped as possible, but wrapping only a few special gifts each year can be part of the holiday celebration.
11. Have a crockpot of spiced apple-cider going at special times during the month, like when we are decorating the house or wrapping gifts.
12. Send Christmas cards to a limited number of friends and family that we won’t have an opportunity to see during the holidays.
13. Make homemade treats to take to a few special people. — It is our family’s tradition to take a special mint-brownie recipe to three very special groups of people each year on Christmas Day.
14. Go to a big city and look at the store windows. — We can do this as part of our holiday shopping.
15. Have high tea in a fancy hotel. — We can also do this during a shopping trip, if we plan ahead.
16. Find a neighborhood that has lots of lights and go for a drive after dark — This doesn’t take much time and the kids really love it!!!
17. Go to a football game (and have a cup of hot chocolate). — Go Niners!

Dr. Greene’s Answer:

Summer is upon us once again (at least in the northern hemisphere), and it’s family vacation time! Ah, yes, family vacations — those times filled with memories of long days being together and having fun, or memories of long days being together with crying, unhappy kids.

With all travel, the number one thing you can do to build happy memories and avoid days filled with tears, is to anticipate your child’s needs. At home, most children have a set routine with fixed meal times and nap times. On the road, this can be easily upset, and little ones may not respond well to the changes. First off, try to stay as close as possible to your normal routine in terms of meal times and sleeping times.

Time in the car can be a particular problem, but again, the secret is to anticipate your child’s needs. When making a six-hour car trip, it may be more comfortable for you to leave first thing in the morning and drive while you are fresh. This is the worst time to leave for a two-year-old. Instead, spend the morning in active play and preparation for the journey. At this age, most kids take one long afternoon nap. If this is true of your child, plan on leaving just after lunch (so that no one is hungry), which will probably be about an hour before normal nap time. Most two-year-olds can be happy in a car seat for about a half an hour — only five and a half more hours to Atlanta! When your two-year-old starts to get fussy, it’s time to start the normal nap time routine, even if it is a little early. This may include a sippy cup of juice, cuddling a blanket, or holding a favorite toy. Take advantage of what your child normally uses to fall asleep. The motion of a moving car will put most kids to sleep and you should have a few hours of peace.

In order to take advantage of this sleepy time, be sure everyone has used the restroom before getting into the car (I know this sounds obvious, but stopping a moving car is asking a child to wake up). Also, provide a shaded spot for your child’s car seat. In advance, purchase excellent child sunshades to cover the windows that might let the sun shine on your child during the ride. If the sun is shining directly on a child, or if a child is too hot or cold, he or she will not sleep nearly as long.

About three hours into your trip, your two-year-old will probably wake up refreshed and ready to play. This is an excellent time to take a park-and-potty break for the entire family. In fact, you may want to plan your travel itinerary so that you have as much freeway driving as possible during the first three hours of the trip and have an excellent play area available at about the halfway point. If possible, plan to have time to let your toddler run! Bring along a ball and play catch. Have a picnic. Whatever you do, don’t stick your child in a high chair at this point! Again, advanced planning will allow everyone to have what they need.

After a good long break comes the final push to your destination. Here is the key — distraction, distraction, distraction! Bring along lots of toys and plan on giving your toddler one each time the previous one gets boring. When toys no longer seem to be helping, it’s time for a musicCD. We regularly travel with Raffi, Sesame Street, and a variety of other kid-friendly CDs. When one CD isn’t doing it any more, change CDs. Then go back to toys. As much as possible, get involved with your child and get your child involved with the activities — sing with the CDs, play with the toys, make funny faces (this also helps keep the driver awake!). And don’t forget fun food. Crackers, fruit, and cheese all make nice car snacks.

During this phase of the journey, you may need to stop every hour or so and let your toddler get some pent up energy out. Your normal six hour trip will probably take eight to nine hours, but if you are prepared in advance, everyone can be happy!

I remember, oh so well, the many car trips my family took from our family home in Maryland to my paternal grandparents’ home in Kentucky and my maternal grandparents’ home in Atlanta. I know there were many times when my parents would have loved to have just been there — “Are we there yet?” For me, looking back on those times holds some of the richest memories of my childhood. Those trips were well worth all the hours of advanced planning my parents invested in making each trip special– and all the “fussing” from my sisters and me they endured to get us there!

Dr. Greene’s Answer:

The decision to have ear tubes placed in a child’s ears is many-faceted, but with that decision behind you, the decision to fly or not becomes quite easy.

In children without ear tubes, pain results from stretching of the eardrum caused by pressure. As the airplane takes off, the air inside the airplane gets thinner. Most airlines pressurize their cabins to blunt this effect, but still the pressurized cabin is equivalent to air at an altitude of about 7,000 feet. The air in the middle ear space expands along with the air in the rest of the cabin. As it expands, the air is easily forced through the eustachian tube; the eustachian tube automatically opens from the pressure. As long as there is no active, complete obstruction of the eustachian tube, the excess air exits the middle ear with a popping sensation, but little or no pain. Again, during ascent this process is spontaneous.

During descent, as the air pressure rises, the middle ear space needs extra air to re-equilibrate the pressure. However, during descent, the eustachian tube does NOT open spontaneously. A tiny muscle opens the eustachian tube only during swallowing, yawning, or crying. In children, this mechanism is less efficient than in adults. The rising pressure stretches the eardrum inward and can cause pain until air rushes into the middle air space and the ears pop.

The next time you hear a child crying during an airplane’s descent, remember, this is one instance where crying itself helps to solve the problem.

Ear tubes, or PE tubes (for pressure equalization), provide a temporary, extra eustachian tube to allow bacteria and fluid to drain more easily from the middle ear — thus, in most cases, providing relief from ear infections. PE tubes also provide an opening for air in the middle ear space to move freely. In children with PE tubes, the air in the middle ear space flows far more easily both through the eustachian tube and through the inserted PE tube.

Children with ear tubes in place may fly freely, without fear of pain upon descent or increased risk of ear infections. Flying is safer and more pleasant for children with PE tubes than for other children.

Whenever I hear of one parent using any excuse to keep the other parent from spending time with their child, I am deeply grieved. Even if there were pain upon descent or greater risk of infection due to a cross-country flight, I would still recommend that a child be allowed to fly in order to spend time with a non-custodial parent. That is how important it is for children to get to be with both parents!

I’m sure that when your daughter was born, both you and her mother had dreams of what life as a family would be like. No matter what the circumstances surrounding the breakup of that family, both of you have experienced a great deal of loss. Your daughter’s mother must feel wrenching pain at the prospect of being without her little girl, even if it is for a short time. I’m sure she must love your daughter a great deal. Now, in spite of her loss, it is time to do what is best for your daughter and comply with the court-ordered visitation schedule.

Your little girl needs quality time with her mother and her father in order to grow up to be a healthy, secure adult. Having ear tubes in place makes it easier, not harder, for that to happen.

If it would help in any way, please feel free to print this answer and share it with both your daughter’s mother and with the judge. As an advocate for your daughter, I’m sure the judge will appreciate your concern for her well being and her need to spend time in her father’s home.