It was May of 2010 when the ultrasound tech declared with nervous hands and an unsteady voice, “there are three heartbeats.” And ever since that day, we have put those three heartbeats on a pedestal. The only problem is, when you line up three pedestals, you can’t help but compare the wood, the height and the make of each one.

And so it began, that day under the ultraviolet lights, with my feet in stir-ups and my heart in a nervous dance, we began to compare. What is baby a’s heart rate? And baby b? How about baby c?

And almost 2 1/2 years later, I still do it. The curse of comparing your kids.

When we left the hospital with all three tiny and wrinkled bundles, I will never forget one of the nurses saying to me, in reference to my lone boy in the group of two other girls, “Now Mom, he will be slower. He will talk last. He will do things last, he is the boy.” I nodded my head, wondering how that factored into my child, now 72 hours old, and filed  it away for another day.

I still think about that nurse and what she said. I don’t think her words were wise or full of wisdom, in fact, I think just the opposite. Somedays I want to call her and say, “Guess what, my son, you know the one you said would be slow – er … he was the first to say a word. Oh, and by the way, he is the only one that has ‘peed in the potty.’

I used to google rare diseases or think about calling our state funded therapy program with every new milestone ONE of my triplets made and the other two had not even thought about yet. You should have seen the googling going on when TWO of three checked off babbling and the third smiled with a gummy grin, content with no outside communication. Thankfully all 3 walked within weeks of each other, or I would still be googling.

I have learned, and I continue to learn, that my kids, although from the same mother and father, the same womb and even the same birthday – will never be the SAME. I spent so many days comparing “what the book said” to what they were actually doing – and all that came out of it was a nervous mother and a child that just needed my love.

So, each day, I try to remember something I learned in yoga years ago. One will be first and one will be last.

And it doesn’t really matter what order it is in. It just doesn’t.

Have you found a way to let go of comparing your children?

“Mama, will you play with me?”

These six words instantly snap me to attention here, now, in the present. They are usually uttered by my 5-year-old, and usually when I’m buzzing around doing something “important” like cooking, packing or cleaning the litter box.

As I’ve learned over time, play is the work of children. Their childhood zips by so quickly, I have to remember to stop doing stuff and instead just play with them, especially when they are good enough to ask.

Being present is a constant practice (and an instantly rewarding one)! Kids are the masters of this. I learn so much from them.

For two years, we lived in an apartment building, where we had to be more creative about play.  We zoomed around the halls on bikes and scooters, we played “basketball” in the basement (using our arms as the hoops), we tagged and chalked and shot marbles and dressed up and built forts and did handstands.

Last spring we moved to a house, and now I have a whole yard of play infrastructure. My cousin Marcus built an amazing treehouse … including a deck, 7 windows and 2 retractable ladders. My insistence on using recycled materials spurred his creativity, resulted in gorgeous elements like a terra cotta tile roof and kept costs low (For materials, check out architectural salvage yards. My fave in the DC region is the non-profit Community Forklift).

Kids need daily exercise, of course (the NY Times Well blog recently covered the link between exercise and academic performance) but in addition, they need unstructured time to play.  Dr. Jenn Berman posted on this blog a summary of the Alliance for Children study outlining the importance of play…check it out.

Now that I’m with KaBOOM! I’ll be advocating for the cause of play, including constructing playgrounds and building communities. Back in 2006 I helped KaBOOM! build the playground at my kids’ Latin American Montessori Bilingual Public Charter School in Washington, D.C. Every day LAMB-PCS’s 200 students use the equipment before school, during recess and after school, a critical element of their education and an enduring testament to the powerful gift of play.

Making a difference in the world and helping others are the best inoculations against poor self esteem for children. Having a sense of purpose, knowing that you can influence others and give back, creates a sense of self efficacy that leads to great self esteem. Performing meaningful activities decreases boredom, isolation, self-centeredness as well as materialism.

Don’t Wait, Start Now! When most parents think about teaching their children to give back, they tend to think about teens or even elementary school kids. But as Oprah Winfrey said recently, “You are never too young to make a big difference in somebody’s life.” Teaching very young children to give back can start as soon as they are verbal and can hold a crayon to paper.

By teaching this lesson to children as young as two or three years old, you help them develop the habit of giving and helping others therefore allowing this way of thinking and behaving to become more deeply ingrained. Once begun, this practice can carry on through childhood, through the notoriously narcissistic teen years and on through adulthood thus making a difference not only in the world but also in your home.

Helping Others Scrapbook When my children were two years old, I started a “Helping Others” scrapbook with my daughters Quincy and Mendez. I have gone out of my way to find age appropriate opportunities for them to be charitable with their time, art work, hands, and even money. The scrapbook serves to memorialize these deeds thereby allowing them the opportunity to look back on all the kind things they have done to help others that they can feel good about. Also, this allows them to revisit these generous deeds as their developmental ability to understand what they have done increases.

Great Ways for 2-5 Year Olds to Give Back

These are some of the projects that we have done or will be doing. I invite you try some of these at home.

Make a card for a very ill child. Young children love making artwork and now their art can help make a sick child happy. My favorite website is www.MakeaChildSmile.com which features children with chronic or life-threatening illnesses. The site has profiles of children which include their ages, interests, and information about their family so your family can send cards to siblings and parents as well. Many of the families have websites where you can get updates about how their child is doing. The site also includes tips about writing letters to sick kids, for example, you never want to say “get better soon” to a terminally ill child.

Adopt an endangered animal. Let your child pick the list of 24 photographs of endangered animals on www.Defenders.org. When you send in a donation in his or her name your child can receive a personalized certificate, photo of the animal, activity book, fact sheet, and plush toy of the animal they helped. This is a great opportunity to talk about being kind to animals and taking care of the environment.

Collect food for a food pantry. Most service kitchens don’t let children under the age of five serve food or help out in the kitchen but younger children can help collect goods to donate. You can use a conversation with your children about people who are less fortunate as a segue to look through your kitchen cabinets or take a trip to the market together to find food to donate. If you contact a local food bank like www.LAFoodBank.org you can get a food collection barrel so you can have a food drive of your own.

Sponsor a child. There are many organizations that allow you to sponsor a child. My favorite is www.HalftheSky.org which provides nurturing programs to help prevent attachment disorders for children in orphanages all throughout China. When you and your child donate money you receive a certificate with a child’s photo, name, and date of birth in the mail along with periodic reports about the sponsored child’s progress.

Bring some baked goods to your local firefighters. This is a fun project to do with little ones who always love making things in the kitchen. It is also an opportunity to talk to your kids about people who help keep us safe and giving back to the community. Just make sure you call your local fire station to make sure they are open to visitors.

Plant a tree. According to the organization www.TreesWaterPeople.org, ten trees are cut down for every one that is replanted. Because trees store carbon dioxide and produce oxygen, this endangers the health of people as well as the planet. Their website has a calculator that can help you figure out how many trees you use per year so you can plant accordingly or sponsor seedlings to be planted. But for a great hands-on experience with your kids, get a tree planting kit from Trees for the Future at www.TreeFTF.org or join the Arbor Day Foundation at www.ArborDay.org and get 10 free trees to plant that will grow well where you live.

Rescue a dog or cat. If you don’t have the ability to take in a rescued animal, make a donation to an animal rescue like the Lange Foundation at www.LangeFoundation.com. Your child can pick a cat or a dog to rescue and, for a donation, your child will receive a photo of the dog or cat along with a story about the animal. The money will go to cover shelter, medical expenses and boarding. Hopefully, that donation will help find the animal a home, too.

Finding new service projects that are appropriate for very young children, is fun and challenging. Raising kids who know they can make a difference in the world is a tremendous gift for everyone.

Dr. Greene’s Answer:

A general rule of thumb is that kids who have no words other than “mama” or “dada” by 18 months should get a hearing test. This would be in addition to the hearing screening tests that I recommend for all newborns before they even leave the hospital for the first time.

By “words” we don’t mean complete English words, but using the same sound for the same object, such as “ba” for ball or “u” for up. The first words kids learn are not those they hear most frequently, but those they hear most frequently as single word sentences, such as “no” or “bye-bye.”

Using baby signs can help speed this process up by using the same hand signal or body language. The baby signs books are great, but you can also use simple ones that you come up with on your own. Also, kids who point at objects at this age will tend to gain language much quicker than those who don’t. With no pointing or no significant words by 18 months, I send kids for a speech and/or developmental evaluation.

Dr. Greene’s Answer:

Most kids hit or bite at some point. Those who keep it up usually feel they are getting something out of it. Either getting their way or getting attention (even negative attention), getting their siblingunhappy, or just getting a chance to express anger.

To help them go faster through this phase, immediately go to the child who is bit or hit, scoop him/her up for a hug, while saying, “No, no biting” to the biter. Then say he is in time-out and set a timer for three minutes. Don’t give him the attention to try to get him to stay in any particular place or go anyplace, just don’t pay attention for three minutes and at the end, when the timer dings, it is over.

For most kids, it is better not to have a “time-out” spot because if they leave, they are getting away with something or you pay attention to them trying to get them to stay. Either way, the time-out doesn’t work. The timer is important so that the end is not subjective. After the timer rings, treat him normally. In between, repeat the message, “In our family, we don’t bite.” Kids are trying to learn family identity at that age. In the meantime, try to teach him alternatives to get his way or express being upset.

In addition to time-outs for negative behaviors, give your child plenty of praise for positive behaviors. When your son is playing well with others and not biting or hitting, praise him for playing nicely. Children innately want a parent’s attention and affirmation. Your praise will act as strong motivating force for your child to avoid aggressive behaviors in the future.

Dr. Greene’s Answer:

I can imagine how worrisome it would be to have concerns about your son’s development and then to be told he should be evaluated by a neurologist. I have a few thoughts on this matter.

First, crawling is not a major developmental milestone. The timing on crawling is so variable and many kids skip crawling altogether.

However, we do want to see kids begin to move across the floor, by rolling, commando-crawling, scooting, or inch-worming–however they want to do it–by around 9 months. When kids are not developing at the typical rate, it is wise to have them evaluated to see what is going on. It might be their unique style of development, or it might be something else that needs to be addressed.

The fact that he uses his arms but not his legs while scooting would make one want to look into whether the muscles in the legs are healthy, whether the nerves that control those nerves are functioning properly, and whether the parts of the brain that control those nerves are developing on schedule, as well as some other general developmental tests. This could be normal, but there could also be a problem anywhere along that path. Rather than focusing in on any one of the many possibilities, it’s wise to see the neurologist, who should be able to at least narrow it down quickly.

Related concepts:

Bad Dreams

Introduction to nightmares:

Mommy, I had a bad dream…

What are nightmares?

Nightmares are unpleasant dreams that awaken a dreamer from sleep.
We’ve learned much about nightmares from traumatic events, which are known to cause a predictable pattern of nightmares: first dreams that relive the event, then dreams that relive the primary emotion of the event using different scenarios (different pictures), then dreams that incorporate aspects of the event into other parts of life.
Nightmares are an important means of addressing the normal difficult events and emotions of childhood, to weave them into the fabric of our minds in a constructive way.
Night terrors are very different from nightmares.

Who gets nightmares?

Birth is a wonderful and terrible experience. There is much to be happy about and much to learn about in the weeks that follow. Babies’ dreams must incorporate and address those things that bring them pleasure and those that make them cry. In all likelihood, the peak age of crying, the first 6 weeks, is also the peak age of nightmares.
These nightmares are not unsuccessful dreams. Far from it! They help babies learn and grow; nightmares may even be an important reason that crying diminishes after 6 weeks.
Stressful events, such as injections, circumcision (which should never be done without anesthesia), being left alone or dropped, or even feeling hungry, need to be learned about and integrated. Anything worth crying about is worth dreaming about.
Nightmares are most evident between the ages of 3 to 5 years — the peak age when children talk about their fears.

What are the symptoms of nightmares?

Children wake up and remember a scary or sad dream, usually in the second half of the night. They may be sad or afraid when they wake up, and are often crying. Children who are old enough will often wake their parents and tell them they had a bad dream.
Unlike with a night terror, they will recognize their parents and be comforted by their presence. In addition, unlike a night terror, they will often have trouble falling back asleep because of fear.

Are nightmares contagious?

Nightmares are a normal part of development. They are not contagious, although children will often respond to the fear and sadness of those around them.

How long do nightmares last?

Individual nightmares are brief.
Nightmares can occur throughout life, but tend to decrease with each passing year.

How are nightmares diagnosed?

Nightmares are diagnosed based on the history.
They are to be distinguished from night terrors. In pre-verbal children, they should be distinguished from ear infections, reflux, hernias, or other causes of pain.

How are nightmares treated?

An individual nightmare is treated with your reassuring presence. Holding your child and talking soothingly about the dream can diminish the fear and sadness.
If your child is old enough to tell or draw the story of the dream, it can be helpful to find a way for the story to reach a happy ending. Addressing the underlying emotions can help your child make sense of them.

How can nightmares be prevented?

Much excellent children’s literature directly addresses difficult dreams. Other books address children’s common fears and concerns. This literature, and other art, can help children do some of the integrating work of nightmares without the nightmares themselves.

Related A-to-Z Information:

Colic, Ear Infection, Gastroesophageal Reflux, Hernia (Inguinal hernia), Night Terrors, Separation Anxiety, Tantrums

Related concepts:

Confusional arousal; Partial arousal state; Sleep terrors

Introduction to night terrors:

Your little angel wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, calling for his mommy – but his mommy is right there, unrecognized. You try to comfort him, but he shrieks even louder, eyes bulging. He might be having a night terror.

What are night terrors?

Within fifteen minutes of your child’s falling asleep, he will probably enter his deepest sleep of the night. This period of slow wave sleep, or deep non-REM sleep, will typically last from forty-five to seventy-five minutes. At this time, most children will transition to a lighter sleep stage or will wake briefly before returning to sleep. Some children, however, become stuck and are unable to completely emerge from slow wave sleep. Caught between stages, these children experience a period of partial arousal.
Partial arousal states are classified in three categories: 1) sleep walking, 2) confusional arousal, and 3) true sleep terrors. These closely related phenomena are all part of the same spectrum of behavior.
When most people (including the popular press and popular parenting literature) speak of night terrors, they are generally referring to what are called confusional arousals by most pediatric sleep experts.
During these frightening episodes, the child is not dreaming and typically will have no memory of the event afterwards (unlike a nightmare). If any memory persists, it will be a vague feeling of being chased or of being trapped. The event itself seems to be a storm of neural emissions in which the child experiences an intense fight or flight sensation. Once it is finally over, the child usually settles back to quiet sleep without difficulty.
These are very different from nightmares.
True sleep terrors are a more intense form of partial arousal. They are considerably less common than confusional arousals and are seldom described in popular parenting literature. True sleep terrors are primarily a phenomenon of adolescence.

Who gets night terrors?

The tendency toward sleepwalking, confusional arousals, and true sleep terrors often runs in families. They tend to be more common in boys, and are much less common after age 7.
The events are often triggered by sleep deprivation or by the sleep schedule’s shifting irregularly over the preceding few days. A coincidentally timed external stimulus, such as moving a blanket or making a loud noise, can also trigger a partial arousal (which again shows that the event is a sudden neural storm rather than a result of a complicated dream).

What are the symptoms of night terrors?

Typically, a confusional arousal begins with the child moaning and moving about. It progresses quickly to the child crying out and thrashing wildly. The eyes may be open or closed, and perspiration is common. The child will look confused, upset, or even “possessed” (a description volunteered by many parents). Even if the child does call out his parents’ names, he will not recognize them. He will appear to look right through them, unable to see them. Parental attempts to comfort the child by holding or cuddling often prolong the situation.

Are night terrors contagious?

No.

How long do night terrors last?

Most often, a confusional arousal will last for about ten minutes, although it may be as short as one minute, and it is not unusual for the episode to last for a seemingly eternal forty minutes.

How are night terrors diagnosed?

The diagnosis is based on the history. When a question remains, a physical exam or tests may be run to rule out other possibilities.

How are night terrors treated?

When an event does occur, do not try to wake the child — not because it is dangerous, but because it will tend to prolong the event. It is generally best not to hold or restrain the child, since his subjective experience is one of being held or restrained; he would likely arch his back and struggle all the more.
Instead, try to relax and to verbally comfort the child if possible. Speak slowly, soothingly, and repetitively. Turning on the lights may also be calming. Protect your child from injury by moving furniture and standing between him or her and windows. In most cases, the event will be over in a matter of minutes.
Night terrors can also be treated with medications, hypnotherapy, or with other types of relaxation training if they become a significant problem.
A Novel Approach – The Greene Technique
When my youngest child was going though night terrors, I observed that he was also “working on” achieving nighttime dryness. In fact, night terrors are most common at the same ages that children are becoming aware of the bladder feeling full during sleep. It dawned on me that perhaps some of these kids just need to go to the bathroom, but are not yet able to wake up fully when their bladders are full. I’ve now treated many kids by having the parents take them to toilet while they’re still asleep. For many of these children, even though they do not recognize their parents, they will often recognize the toilet and urinate. For these children, the episodes stop abruptly and they return to sleep. The calm is dramatic.

How can night terrors be prevented?

Prevention usually involves trying to avoid letting the child get over-tired, and trying to keep the wake/sleep schedule as regular as possible. Taking the child to the bathroom before the parents go to bed can also prevent some night terrors.

Related A-to-Z Information:

Enuresis (Bedwetting), Epilepsy, Nightmares, Sleep Apnea

Related concepts:

Genital play, Toddler masturbation

Introduction to sexual curiosity in young children:

When a parent catches a boy playing with his ears, questions may arise about ear infections, but when a parent catches a boy playing with his stiff penis, subterranean concerns, anxieties, guilts, shames, questions, and regrets often rumble and stir within — even if we believe that it’s normal behavior.

What is sexual curiosity in young children?

Babies will often tug on the genitals in much the same way they tug on the ears or toes. Toddlers will begin to recognize that the genitals are special. They are far more interesting and more fun than toes. For some children, playing with the genitals becomes a comforting behavior not unlike thumb sucking. For a few, this settles into a time-consuming habit that takes them away from other important play and development.
If we take a step back, we can see that it makes sense that kids would want to explore their own bodies. When toilet learning becomes a focus of interest, we might anticipate that kids would also be curious about those parts of the body that have in the past been largely hidden under the diapers. Many kids will reach down every chance they get. This exploration produces pleasurable feelings, as we are well aware.
This behavior is usually called early childhood masturbation, but the term is misleading. This is not genital stimulation accompanied by sexual fantasy – that will be another challenge to face years down the road.
Toddlers just do it because it feels good. Unselfconscious delight!

Who gets sexual curiosity in young children?

Most children begin to explore their genitals at about the same time they begin to look more like little boys and girls than like babies.
Most, if not all, two-year-olds will engage in some degree of this behavior.

What are the symptoms of sexual curiosity in young children?

Just when we are beginning to adjust to their not being babies anymore, we are confronted with the sight of our little boy fondling his erection or our little girl moving her hips up and down on top of her pillow.
Boys will play with their penises. Girls will finger their vaginas, and sometimes even try to insert objects.

Is sexual curiosity in young children contagious?

No

How long does sexual curiosity in young children last?

Some degree of genital exploration can be present throughout childhood (and beyond). Young children often lose interest for years at a time.

How is sexual curiosity in young children diagnosed?

Genital play is usually discovered when parents, relatives, day-care providers, or parents of friends observe the behavior. If the behavior seems to be an obsession, or otherwise out of balance, discuss this with your pediatrician. Further evaluation may be needed.
Genital play is a normal part of development, but in some children the degree or nature of genital play can be a sign of developmental difficulties or sexual abuse.

How is sexual curiosity in young children treated?

Directly trying to get toddlers to stop touching themselves is a battle you cannot win. You can’t just put the objects of their attention up on a high shelf out of reach. If you actively discourage kids from self-exploration, or if you punish them for “masturbating,” then genital play becomes a forbidden fruit.
Two things happen when something becomes a forbidden fruit. The fruit will be tasted when the opportunity arises, and people will hide what it is they have done. They will learn to hide their exploration from you. This shameful hiding is the one outcome you don’t want to produce.
If you feel that the genital play should be reigned in a bit, then I recommend that when you see it happening you pretend to ignore what he is doing. Try to distract him with some new engaging activity. Be as nonchalant as you can manage to be. (Rushing over out of breath is not subtle!) You want to communicate by your actions that he and his body are okay, but that there is also a whole world out there to discover and enjoy.
If the genital play becomes and remains a consuming passion, I would look for and address underlying reasons, rather than just trying to stop the behavior. Is the child tense and in extra need of comforting? Are people overreacting and thus reinforcing the habit? Is there a chronic, low-grade urinary tract infection or yeast infection? Is the child overstimulated and needing to soothe himself to withdraw? Is she under-stimulated and bored? Dealing with the cause will bring the behavior back to a level of enthusiasm that doesn’t take away from other interests.

How can sexual curiosity in young children be prevented?

My advice is not to try to stop this normal part of development.
One of our important responsibilities as parents is to teach our children about healthy sexuality. Of course, the many parents reading this will have wildly different ideas as to what constitutes healthy sexuality. They may even have different ideas than they did fifteen years ago. Whatever your values, you will want to communicate them to your children as the years go by. You will want to teach them that healthy sexuality is not dirty, nor is it cheap.
The key to passing on your values effectively is keeping the lines of respect and communication open.
All too quickly, our little ones will launch out on the turbulent seas of true adolescence. Only if we have maintained open communication and mutual respect can we offer any effective guidance during those critical years.

Related A-to-Z Information:

Depression, Diaper Rash, Early Puberty, Enuresis (Bedwetting), Head Banging, Inconspicuous Penis, Labial Adhesions, Meatal Stenosis, Nightmares, Pinworms, Sexual Abuse, Teething, Thumb-sucking, Warts

Related concepts:

Head rolling, Body rocking

Introduction to head banging:

When children develop a habit of head banging, their parents are often concerned. They express fear that this habit might hurt their child, perhaps even causing brain damage. The unspoken fear is that their child might have autism.

What is head banging?

Head banging, head rolling, and body rocking are all common rhythmic habits (as is thumb sucking). Many theories have been put forward to explain them. Perhaps the rocking and even the head banging provide a form of pleasure related to the movement. This joy in movement is called our kinesthetic drive.
All infants are rocked by their mothers when they are carried about in utero. Later on, they enjoy being held and rocked in parents’ arms. Movement activities continue as kids grow: the pleasure of jump rope, swings, slides, amusement park rides (bumper cars!) and dancing. These activities all engage the vestibular system of the brain. The amount and type of movement that provides pleasure varies from child to child.
Kids who are under-stimulated (those who are blind, deaf, bored, or lonely) head bang for stimulation. But children who are overstimulated (in an overwhelming environment) find these rhythmic movements soothing.
For some children, head banging is a way to release tension and prepare for sleep. Some kids head-bang for relief when they are teething or have an ear infection.
Some kids bang their heads out of frustration or anger, as in a temper tantrum. Head banging is an effective attention-seeking maneuver. The more reaction children get from parents or other adults, the more likely they are to continue this habit.
Generally, healthy children do not head-bang in order to injure themselves.

Who gets head banging?

Up to 20 percent of healthy children are head-bangers for a time. Typically, head banging appears in the latter half of the first year of life and generally ends spontaneously by four years of age. Boys are three or four times more likely to be head-bangers than girls.
Head banging, head rolling, and body rocking are also each far more common in autistic children, children with developmental delays, and children who have suffered abuse or neglect.

What are the symptoms of head banging?

The child seems compelled to rhythmically move his head against a solid object such as a wall or the side of a crib. Often he rocks his entire body. For most children it occurs at sleepy times or when upset (often as part of tantrums). This behavior can last for minutes at a time — or sometimes for hours. It can even continue once the child has fallen asleep.

Is head banging contagious?

No, although other people’s actions can promote head banging.

How long does head banging last?

These rhythmic motor activities are part of normal behavior in healthy infants and young children (and healthy young monkeys for that matter!). This behavior is abnormal, though, if it persists beyond the early years. Normal head banging usually goes away by age four. Any child who is still head banging beyond three years of age deserves further evaluation to be sure it is a normal habit.

How is head banging diagnosed?

Three hallmark behaviors are the key signs that distinguish kids with autism-associated head banging and those with normal head banging:

1. Lack of pointing — By fourteen months of age most children will point at objects in order to get another person to look.
2. Lack of gaze-following — By fourteen months, infants will often turn to look in the same direction an adult is looking.
3. Lack of pretend play — By fourteen months, children will begin to play using object substitution, e.g. pretending to comb the hair with a block.

All three of these behaviors are typically absent in children with autism.If a child begins even one of these three behaviors by 18 months, the chances of ever developing true autism are very small.
Again, head banging beyond age three deserves further evaluation.

How is head banging treated?

Most children will outgrow the habit on their own. You can speed up this process by reacting to it in a matter-of-fact way. Pretend not to notice. And if it is part of a tantrum, do not give her whatever she threw the tantrum to get. When you notice her head banging, you might be able to get her to stop for the moment by distracting her or engaging her in a different activity. By decreasing the amount of time she spends in this habitual activity, she will outgrow it more quickly.

How can head banging be prevented?

Preventing head banging from becoming a habit is best accomplished by responding to it as described in the treatment section above.
How do you prevent head injury?
Typically, healthy toddlers don’t seriously injure themselves with this habit. Pain prevents them from banging too hard, but even if it didn’t, children under 3 don’t generate enough force to cause brain damage or neurologic problems. The front or front/side of the head is the most frequently struck. A toddler’s head is built to take all of the minor head trauma that is a normal part of learning to walk and climb. Healthy infants and toddlers who are head-bangers grow up to be coordinated and completely normal children.
Curiously, one large study of this habit in healthy children found head-bangers to be measurably advanced compared to their peers. If anything, then, head banging in healthy children can be a sign of increased intelligence.

Related A-to-Z Information:

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Breath Holding, Concussion, Deafness, Ear Infection, Epilepsy, Febrile seizures, Fragile X Syndrome, Hemophilia, Motion sickness, Nightmares, Otitis Media with Effusion (OME), Sexual Curiosity in Young Children, Tantrums, Teething, Thumb-sucking, Tourette’s Syndrome