It’s becoming an ever more common sight: babies and kids playing with smartphones. According to NPR’s Health Blog, one recent survey found that as many as 1 in 4 toddlers has used a smartphone and for many young kids, it’s become the toy of choice. Yet, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that kids under two follow a no-screen time rule. Is this new breed of tech parenting going to wreak havoc on the development of toddlers? Not if we educate parents how to use smartphones smartly (because the trend is most likely only going to grow).

Here are 5 smart tips for letting toddlers use smartphones:

1. Play together. One main concern that the AAP has about young children using things like smartphones is that it leads to a reduction in parent-child communication – which is vital for language development. So, if your child wants to play on your smartphone, play together and talk about what’s happening. If you’re looking for a way to entertain your child while actually increasing your ability to communicate with one another, try our new, free KidGlyphs app which is a fun tool that uses graphics, spoken words, and text to help children communicate beyond their verbal skills.
2. Opt for educational apps. In the same vein as above, choose apps that encourage interaction and education as opposed to those that mindlessly suck kids in without benefit.
3. Be aware. Parents need to be aware of what their child is doing on electronic devices – to teach them how to use them respectfully and responsibly and how to best interact with technology.
4. Use in moderation. While there are no set recommendations for how much time you should allow a young child to play with a smartphone, use your best judgment.
5. Don’t use it for soothing. Children are naturally fascinated by the colors, sounds, and animation of smartphones and given the choice, may often choose it as a favorite distraction. If your child is crying or throwing a tantrum, don’t try to soothe him by giving him your phone. You’ll only teach him that he can have that special tool whenever he screams enough.

New advancements in science and technology can be very exciting, but it’s wise to understand the benefits and risks. And, with the boom in developments our children will experience in their lifetime, one of the greatest lessons we can teach them is responsible use.

As a pediatric resident, I have families come into clinic on a daily basis with questions about parenting.  How do I discipline my child?  How do I get them to eat their vegetables?  How do I get them to stay in their own bed at night?   My question is: where does it say in the pediatric texts how to advise on parenting skills?  The truth: it often doesn’t!

As a doctor-in-training, the books tell us the what-you-need-to-do part of the equation, but leave the how-to-do-it part up for interpretation.  For example, the texts will tell you, a toddler needs to give up the bottle by 18 months, but it fails to say how you convince a child to do so.   It seems that effective pediatricians must have real-life inspiration to draw from.  Some ask their patients parents what has worked for them.  Others have their own child-rearing experience to draw from.  As for me, I rely on my sister.

My sister has two adorable boys – Finn and Oscar.  As the first grandchildren in our family, it hasn’t taken much effort on their part to stay in the spotlight.   As the eldest, Oscar was first to arrive on the scene, and he has certainly left an impression.  He is what you might kindly call “spirited” or “willful”.  But where euphemisms end comes the difficult truth: He has been one hard child to parent.

Oscar, like so many children, hasn’t followed the books.   He refuses to sit in a seat.  He laughs during a time-out.  He climbs high onto furniture and then throws himself off, laughing hysterically.   He pretends to kiss baby Finn and bites him instead.  He literally runs circles around us, as the rest of the family sits together having a family picnic.

As Oscar has hit every stage of development, I’ve found that my stock advice as a pediatrician has failed to hold up to the task.  Now, I don’t want to give the wrong impression: my sister has not asked for any advice in parenting from me, a non-parent.  I have merely heard her relay stories of failed efforts using tips I’m sure I’ve offered to many of my patients’ families.

Figuring out the right way to parent Oscar has been a challenge for my sister and her husband.  But the trials and tribulations of being a parent have won them the wisdom that comes with experience, and an arsenal of parenting expertise.  As Oscar enters his third year of life, he has mellowed a bit.  He is no longer waging a private war against his younger brother Finn, and his dare-devil acrobatics have ceased – at least for the time being.   He is learning to drink from a cup at mealtimes, and is finally enjoying his fruits and veggies.  As a mother to none, but an Auntie to two, I have had the benefit of learning from the tough experiences, without having to struggle through the lessons.  From my sister’s hard-won parenting battles, I now have a bit of real-life parenting to draw from, until I have the fortune of going through the lessons myself.

If you have a young child at home and you are expecting your second you’re probably wondering how to help ease the transition into life with a new baby. Your toddler is used to having your undivided attention and now she has to share it with someone new.  This transition phase can be challenging for both parents if they are not prepared.  It’s even harder on your toddler if you haven’t spent quality time helping her understand how life will change.  I will note that you can never completely take away the change and stress your first child will feel with a new baby but you can definitely help ease her transition by making her feel more secure and loved.

Here are some tips to help your child and you adjust:

Before Baby is Born

• If your child is old enough take her to a sibling preparation class. This class is usually held at your local hospital or healthcare facility designed for children two years of age and older.  It helps siblings prepare for the emotional and physical realities of the arrival of a newborn. Activities can include arts and crafts, role-playing, and a mini-tour of the nursery and maternity unit to see where mom will be spending the night.
• Give her a baby doll to play with
• Expose her to other babies and let her see you interact with a baby
• Children’s picture books can help your toddler visualize how life will change with a new baby
• Have your child help you pick out gifts for the baby
• Make sure to spend quality one on one time with your toddler helping her understand how things will change once baby is born
• You can tell your preschool age child that you are going to have a baby by sharing the preparation activities and also showing her your growing belly
• If your toddler will be transitioning out of her crib and giving it to the new baby make sure to do this a few months before the birth so the adjustment of losing her crib is not such a huge deal

After Baby is Born

• When baby is born have your toddler come in to spend time with you first before she’s introduced to the new baby
• Use the baby’s name so that the toddler knows the baby is a person rather than “the baby”
• Encourage your toddler to touch the baby and show her how to do so in a gentle manner
• Make sure to continue your toddler’s regular schedule once you come home with baby (ask for help from family members to assist you)
• It is important to maintain the same rules and discipline even after the new baby arrives so your toddler has consistency
• Include your toddler in usual routines for the baby such as diaper changing, feeding time or bathing
• Each parent should make quality one on one time with the toddler so she still feels that she has your love and attention
• Have your toddler become your little helper by asking her to get a diaper for the baby or find the baby’s toy
• If your child is older it will be easier for her to adjust to a newborn sibling because they can understand what is happening and be actively involved.
• You should encourage involvement in helping with the new baby but not force it.  Offer to your older child that she can attend an infant CPR or child safety course designed for children who will become a new big brother or sister.  If your child feels like she has the skills and confidence to help care for her newborn sibling it will make it an easier transition on all of you.

Resources: Keys to Preparing and Caring for Your Second Child by Meg Zweiback Siblings Without Rivalry by Faber & Mazlich

It’s taken a long time for science to quantify what mothers have always known: the skin of babies and toddlers is very different from the skin of older children and adults. Babies’ skin is softer because the outermost protective layer, the stratum corneum, isn’t mature until at least age two. In babies and toddlers the total epidermis is also thinner, with increased absorption:

Ultraviolet radiation can penetrate more deeply.

This can damage skin DNA, trigger inflammation, accelerate aging, and suppress the immune system in the skin. (Our skin is a key, active part of our immune system – not just the physical barrier we’ve long assumed.) Radiation-induced skin changes can start accumulating during a baby’s first summer.

Sunscreen chemicals penetrate more easily as well.

Many of the chemicals used in sunscreens to absorb radiation act like estrogen hormones. These could end up throughout a baby’s body in the blood, and later be detected in the urine. This hasn’t been proven to cause a problem. Or proven safe.

How do you balance the health of young skin, where just a few sunburns can double the melanoma risk later in life? I recommend a few simple steps:

1. Avoid midday sun, when practical.
2. Choose sun-protective clothing for everyday wear when babies or toddlers will be outside. K&J clothing has a UPF of 50+, using no chemicals. And it’s adorable! In contrast, a typical tee has a UPF of only 5 or 10.
3. Seek shade with your little one.
4. Use a mineral sunscreen to physically block UV radiation. Zinc and titanium are the two common mineral active ingredients. Micron-particle-size minerals are small enough to go on clear and large enough not to be absorbed through the skin.

And don’t forget a pair of stylin’ baby sunglasses!

Paller AS, Hawk JLM, Honig P, Giam YC, Hoath S, Mack MC, and Stamatas GN. “New Insights about Infant and Toddler Skin: Implications for Sun Protection.” Pediatrics. 2011; 128(1):1-11.

What are you teaching your kids? You may be shocked to realize much of your child’s behavior, whether appropriate or not, is connected to how you parent.

Parenting is the toughest job you will ever have. What other job requires you to supervise, protect, teach, encourage, love, provide for, and use empathy, thoughtfulness, kindness, patience and creativity every moment of the day? It is a job that can be very trying but the rewards will fill your heart with each smile, laugh and, “I love you” that your kids return.

Parents often say, “I hope when my child goes off to college or moves out they make the right decisions.” Or “I hope they can take care of themselves.” What I would say to those parents is- it is the early lessons they learn from us that allow them to succeed in life.

First of all, the truth is that the earlier we start teaching our children important lessons and give them responsibility, the easier it will be to continue those lessons as our children reach their teenage years and approach their twenties.

If we want to raise a child that will be a responsible, productive adult, who can take care of themselves, we need to start paying attention to the messages we are conveying to our children even when they are very young. We also need to emphasize learning, having fun and allowing kids to explore their world, but we should begin introducing our kids to money management, teamwork, household responsibility, ownership and social cooperation.

Start Teaching Lessons Early

By the time your child is 2 you can have them help you with easy tasks around the house. When you are doing laundry, allow your child to help you. Let them help carry the clothes or put them in the dryer or help you pour the detergent in the washer. It is fun to help mom at that age and without even saying anything you are starting to lay the foundation for teamwork, cooperation and household responsibility.

Even my 18 month old helps clean up toys and throws a tissue in the trashcan for me when I ask. You can see the sense of pride at having accomplished the task when he runs back to me after throwing the trash away. As your child gets older, you will want to add the amount of help or chores they do around the house. Children need to be given more responsibility as they get older and they need opportunities to learn what to spend their money on.

Two Guiding Principles for Raising a Child to Succeed

Of course, your primary concern is providing your kids with love, respect and the necessities but beyond those, these principles will help you raise independent children that will learn to take care of themselves and the world around them.

1. Language- What you Say is What You Get

It is important to be aware of the language we use when talking about housework, yard work, chores, money, helping others, and teamwork. We are our children’s first teachers and we have an opportunity to teach them throughout life if we honor that responsibility and privilege with respect. We may not feel like doing laundry or dishes, or vacuuming or saving money, but if you are positive or explain the necessity of those chores and saving to our kids, as they grow, they will be more likely to help with important work around the house. If you want your kids to do chores as they get older, be mindful of how you approach the chores.

2. Be Consistent with Your Discipline, Teaching, and the Messages You Convey

Consistency is one of the most important things in parenting. It is so easy not to be consistent but children actually feel more secure when there is a consistent message to our parenting and, amazingly, their behavior usually reflects it.

Kids Need to Learn Patience and Delayed Gratification

It is so important for kids to learn that everything does not happen right when they want it to. It is also important that they learn they do not get a toy just because they want it. An important lesson to work on with your kids is teaching deferred gratification and patience.

I learned my lesson with this principle. When I would go to a store like Target, on occasion I would buy something that only cost a dollar for my kids. Well, after doing this 2 or 3 times, I realized when I did not buy them something they threw a royal fit and acted like possessed children. I was shocked and embarrassed. I realized I had broken the cardinal rule – do not let them think they are entitled to get something for no reason.

I thought it’s only a dollar. My kids thought, we get something every time we go to the store because mom said it did not cost very much. As soon as I realized I had caused this problem I worked to fix it and within a week or two it had been resolved.

If you are wondering how I stopped the tantrums and begging it is simple. Before going into any store, I explain to my kids why we are going to the store, what we are getting, and I explain if I am getting anything for them (usually I am not unless it is for a special reason).

The other thing I do is tell them when they see something they want, that they can save their money and buy it once they have enough money or they can wait until their birthday or Christmas and ask for it and maybe they will get it if that is really what they want.

Once I was consistent with my message, my explanations and my actions, the kids behavior improved because I reinforced my rule and, in the process, my kids are learning about delayed gratification and patience.

Kids Need to Learn How to Handle Disappointment

Many parents focus on providing everything for their child. Every opportunity, every new toy or product, but it is actually very healthy for your child to learn how to handle disappointment. I am talking about an experience in life that does not go their way. It is an opportunity to coach your child, to listen and reassure them and explain that sometimes things do not work out the way we want them to. A good example of an appropriate disappointment is a child’s soccer team losing a game or your child having to miss a birthday party or not being able to take riding lessons.

I am not suggesting you purposely create disappointment for your child. I am merely explaining that disappointment is part of life and that, if we have small doses of it as we grow up, kids will be mentally able to handle these situations as they grow into adults. Be aware and sensitive to your child’s disappointments, but do not try and make up for the disappointment, just listen to them and talk through it and give them hope for a different outcome next time.

It is Your Responsibility to Teach Them Life Lessons Everyday

I know many parents who spoil their kids with every toy or outfit, or new gadget they want. I also know parents who usually give in to their child’s request to eat something else or stay up late. There is a time for bending the rules, but in everyday parenting we need to remember we are the adults, we make the rules and we need to help guide our children in the direction we want them to go.

We need to provide them with the information and practice in making smart decisions, learning to work with others; learning to save for important or necessary purchases and that sometimes life closes a door in front of us. These lessons will teach them that we work hard to open another door and to walk through with confidence and strength.

We all want our babies to have the best start possible. How much do infant educational videos really help to boost the brain?

Each hour of educational baby DVDs or videos that babies watch per day is associated with an additional 16.99 point decrease in language development scores on standardized testing, according to a study published in the October 2007 Journal of Pediatrics.

This drop is large enough that parents could notice the smaller number of words learned each month. The results of the test used in the study often, but not always, correlate with overall intellectual development.

The babies in this study were 8 to 16 months old. It didn’t make any difference if parents watched the video with the babies, watching was still associated with a large decrease in language skills.

By contrast, reading to the baby at least once a day and storytelling at least once a day were each associated with about a 7 point increase in language scores.

For older toddlers in the study, aged 17 to 24 months, reading and storytelling offered even larger intellectual advantages. No benefit to the videos was found in this age group, at least there was no harm.

From previous studies we know that educational videos can have real learning benefits for kids over 30 months. My take home messages are simple.

First, given the possible negative intellectual impact suggested in this study and the popularity of infant educational DVDs (and their enticing names and marketing) more research should be done quickly to verify or discredit the results of this single study.

Second, in the meantime, interacting with our children is a time-honored and scientifically-validated way to boost their learning . especially if we read to our kids and tell them stories at least once a day.

Third, children learn by imitation. Kids, learning tends to reflect parents learning. If we are learning ourselves, we foster a culture of learning in our children.

Note: Freerice.com is a great example of a way to boost your own vocabulary while helping other people. The idea behind this site is every time you get a correct answer on a vocabulary test (that is cleverly targeted to boost your current language level) 10 grains of rice are given to someone who is malnourished. It’s simple, fun, free, AND a great way for us to learn vocabulary while providing rice to feed hungry children. The World Food Programme of the United Nations announced that the site has already generated enough rice to feed 50,000 people for a day in its first month of operation.

Zimmerman FJ, Christakis DA, and Meltzoff AN. Associations between media viewing and language development in children under age 2 years. Journal of Pediatrics. 2007 151:364-8.

Today’s generation of children is growing up unlike any previous generation in history. In the last 10 years there has been an explosion of digital and electronic media available to and even targeted at children – even our very youngest children. Lots of DVDs are aimed at kids 0 to 18 months old. Television networks for toddlers, handheld video games for preschoolers, and computer games for children as young as 9 months. And of course, there is the Internet… What’s the impact of all this media on the young? Is it decreasing their time spent reading or playing outdoors? A preliminary study published in the May 2007 Pediatrics at least catalogued what is going on in today’s kids aged to 6 months to 6 years. Children in the study were reported (by parents) to watch an average of 1 hour 19 minutes on a typical day (more if there was a TV in the child’s bedroom, or in single parent families). In addition, children averaged 1 hour 18 minutes of DVDs. According to the parents, most kids do not play any form of video games on a typical day (only 16 percent of 5-6 year oldsdo), but those who do spend about an hour a day playing. By contrast, the kids were much more likely to spend time at the keyboard, either playing computer games or other computer activities – taking about another hour. This is starting to add up!

And the kids are quickly becoming comfortable using these media by themselves. More than half of the 6 month to 2 year olds were already turning on the TV themselves. Many were already inserting and watching DVDs on their own. By age five, more than 70 percent were comfortable navigating a computer with a mouse. They are off to a different start than we were.

We live in a digital world, and I am glad that kids are getting an early exposure to this ‘language’ of our new century – as long as it does not crowd out other important ‘languages’ to learn to understand and love at an early age: outdoor play, reading, and spontaneous and imaginative creation.

This study measured reading time and outdoor play time. Not surprisingly, some kids got plenty, others not enough. What was surprising, though, was that there was no difference in these items overall between those who spent many hours with digital media and those who did not. Media did not seem to be a culprit here! My take home: be sure kids are enjoying the important parts of childhood that we and our parents before us grew up with. Modern marvels can enhance their lives without crowding these out.

What’s your take? Many parents in the study were fans of bedroom TVs to help their kids sleep. Ironically, it seems that the televisions often worsen sleep in the short-run and lead to sleep problems down the road. They just keep our overtired children quieter.

Vanderwater, E.A., Rideout, V.J., Wartella, E.A., Huang, X., Lee, J.H., and Shim, M. “Digital Childhood: Electronic Media and Technology Use Among Infants, Toddlers, and Preschoolers.” Pediatrics. May 2007, 119, pp. e1006-e1015.

The Poet

The poet’s journey is the story of learning to observe and describe one’s experience of the world. Great poets are first great listeners. There are two sides of the language coin: understanding and speech . The two develop in tandem, but understanding, or receptive language, leads the way at each stage.

Young babies make cooing sounds — soft vowel sounds unbroken by syllables. As the weeks go by, they begin to experiment with varying the volume of their cooing. Within several months, they practice varying the pitch. This happens even in children who are completely deaf .

Sometime in the second half of the first year, babbling  begins. This is the sweet sound of consonants and vowels mixed together. The amount and quality of babbling vary depending on how well babies hear and how much people speak to them. Soon babbling gives way to jargon, when kids begin to imitate the sounds and tones of adult speech. They jabber on and on, and if you didn’t know better, you would swear it must be some real language. Around this time, kids begin to point at objects around them. Pointing is a key step in language development.

Kids’ jargon begins to coalesce into a few words, using the same sound for the same object over and over again. This might be “ba” for ball or “dah” for dog. The first words are usually nouns–names of people, animals, or objects that are important to the child. The time period for gaining the first 50 or so words is often very slow. Babies may or may not say their first words before taking their first steps, but the first words are understood long before then. And babies  are already working toward saying them.

Eventually, within another year, an explosion of language will follow. This is when children rapidly learn to use hundreds of words and begin combining them in unique ways (“spoon comb” for fork, or “me puter TV now” for wanting their turn at the computer monitor–you’ve been surfing long enough). Most kids come out with delightful, original utterances during this stage, making great fodder for baby book memoirs. Two word phrases are the hallmarks of two-year-old  poets.

Read More from the Apprentice, Athlete, Scholar, Poet:
The Apprentice
The Athlete
The Scholar
The Poet
The Parent Detective

This is an excerpt from: The Experts’ Guide to the Baby Years

The Scholar

The scholar’s story is one of emotional and intellectual growth. Behind the scenes, your baby is gaining, not just strength and coordination, but a deep understanding of the way things work. While babies  are learning to sit, for instance, they also learn to intuitively judge the speed of an approaching object, factor in its acceleration or deceleration, instinctively calculate the correct time to collision, and blink at the perfect moment. Sitting is not just a physical skill. It is a mental chess match, a physics course, and a rewiring of the reflexes on an unconscious level.

Around the time that babies are sitting up, they also may begin to get upset when others come too close–even regular babysitters, grandparents, or one of their parents. At about the same time, many babies begin to fuss and cry whenever you leave their sight.

Separation anxiety and stranger anxiety both coincide with a new intellectual skill called object permanence . Your baby now remembers objects and specific people who are not present. He doesn’t want a stranger, because the stranger is not you.

As with other parts of development, getting mobile changes the way babies think. Your baby was fascinated by her parents’ eyes  in the first moments after birth. She is still fascinated by your eyes, but increasingly now in where your eyes are looking. Soon your baby is able to hold an image in her own mind of where things in the room are located, even without being able to see or hear them.

At the same time, her increasing skill with her fingers and thumbs leads her not just to handle objects, but to do things with them. She is eager to change and rearrange the world. She would like to experiment with crumpling paper rather than just touching it. She wants to put small objects in others, to move things around, to knock things over. She may push a car along the floor and then pick it up to peer at the wheels, pondering what makes it go. And then, of course, almost everything goes into her mouth.

As they begin to walk , a new depth of self-awareness emerges. Babies become fascinated with video images of themselves, as opposed to those of similar-looking babies. Mirrors hold new fascination for them as well.

Symbolic gestures begin during this period. A child will pick up an object, perhaps a remote control, and point it at the television to indicate that she knows its use. Putting a hat on her head and the telephone to her ear are all what we call early egocentric symbolic gestures – centered on her and her control of the world.

There is often a second peak of stranger anxiety in the second half of the next year. At this time, toddlers have emerging language skills  and a strong desire to communicate. They have developed rich ways to communicate with you that strangers just don’t understand. The second peak of separation anxiety usually fades as language skills improve.

By a year and a half toddlers can link actions to solve a problem – using a stick to reach a toy. And before the second birthday scholars will demonstrate emotional, intellectual, imaginative, and social maturity through true symbolic actions, such as tenderly giving a bottle to a doll.

Read More from the Apprentice, Athlete, Scholar, Poet:
The Apprentice
The Athlete
The Scholar
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The Parent Detective

This is an excerpt from: The Experts’ Guide to the Baby Years

Introduction

The toddler that rushes down the hall calling, “Mommy phone!” is dramatically different from the newborn you held in your arms a moment and an eternity ago. Astonishing and unparalleled growth takes place in the first two years – and it takes place in fits and bursts. Tomorrow’s complex skills build on today’s simpler ones, with countless interconnections.

To make sense of this dizzying affair, I like to sort growth into four storylines: the apprentice mastering hand-eye coordination, the athlete learning to run, the scholar’s saga of symbols of the mind, and the poet’s journey.

The Apprentice

When a newborn fixes her eyes on something intriguing, she might swipe towards it with her arms and/or legs. Even though her swipe does not come close, this is the beginning of her training in hand-eye coordination that will one day enable her to master tasks such as tying shoes, playing the piano, or performing neurosurgery.

A baby can grasp an adult finger pressed into her hand on her very first day. It’s not until this automatic grasp starts to fade a few months later that she can learn to consciously take hold of the world around her. Babies become increasingly fascinated by their own hands and then by objects they can handle.

Over time, their grasping behavior will become more sophisticated and precise. Using the arm to corral a toy gives way to picking up a block in the hand. Usually, kids first grasp with the little-finger half of the hand and move to the thumb-side with practice. Then, about the middle of the first year, they’ll demonstrate their emerging mastery by passing toys from hand to hand. Then on to holding two toys at once, followed by banging them together! Next, they start peering at smaller objects, captivated by objects the size of a raisin as they are about to develop a precise finger-thumb grasp. By the time they are taking their first steps, they are ready not just to hold objects, but to build with them. When a toddler has built a stack of six blocks, or turned a doorknob to open a closed door, the apprentice has completed his journeyman training.

Read More from the Apprentice, Athlete, Scholar, Poet:
The Apprentice
The Athlete
The Scholar
The Poet
The Parent Detective