I had another post ready to share with you today but I’m going to save it for a future date. When things happen and the little lesson strikes you in the moment it is worth writing down.

While making lunch for Owen today, we had a misunderstanding. At this tender age of 4 it can happen pretty regularly. They are full on conversationalists, say immediately what they think and there is not usually a lot of pause to consider if the message was clear on either end.

During the school year I purposefully only send a half sandwich in their lunch box to cut down on carb consumption and challenge myself to fill their bellies with other choices that are of nutritional value. But I have to say it’s summer and that rule has been a little lax around here. Knowing that Owen had just had a snack I thought maybe just half a sandwich with fruit would work for him, but I know it’s good to check and not just change things up on preschoolers.

“Owen, do you half a sandwich or a whole sandwich?”

“Half.”

Oh good, I thought, he agreed.

Said sandwich arrives at the table and I go back to the counter to finish making my everything bagel, toasted, with cream cheese, adding a layer of pesto and finishing with sliced Roma tomatoes. (I love this delicious lunch when I go to Java Mama to get some work done and have learned how to artfully recreate it at home. It’s really good. You should try it!) about to take my first bite and Owen shows up at my side at the counter. He’s looking for something and I ask him what he needs.

“My other sandwich.”

“I asked you if you wanted half a sandwich or a whole sandwich.”

“Cut in half. I want both of them. Where’s the other one? Did you eat it?”

I can’t even keep up answering him as I’m trying to figure out how this miscommunication happened. When he heard me say “half” in his mind he was thinking ‘cut in half’.

I put my bagel down to fix him the missing half to his sandwich. As much as baby sign language has helped us avoid communication breakdowns, there are still times when we have communication breakdowns.

A little bit of everything is in Eric Carles’ classic children’s book The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

The popular Signing Story Time book is visually captivating and teaching at the same time.

The lessons are demonstrated in such a way that our little ones don’t even realize they’ve picked up the idea of making healthy eating choices. There’s also the counting of the various fruits and learning the days of the week.

I’ve found that if your child loves reading a particular book, then it makes a great book to sign with them. Here I will share with you how to sign The Very Hungry Caterpillar so you can take reading this book to a new dimension.

Many families in my classes subscribe to my YouTube channel so they can feel good about what they are letting their child watch on their tablet or smart phone. If your little one asks you to read this book again and again and again, I encourage you to learn the signs and then when your child begins to mimic you, that’s when you can take turns reading the book.

Signing along is great practice for reading. Studies show children who sign become strong readers. Strong readers tend to be avid learners. When your child loves learning they do better in school and more opportunities are made available to them. And it’s fun!

Just the other day I was in the kitchen and Owen, my 4 year old, wanted a snack. I make it a habit to always offer a fruit or vegetable first, so I grabbed the baby carrots from the fridge and asked “How many carrots do you want?” More often than not, Owen’s answer lately has been 4, because he is 4. This time, however, he asked for 8. I happened to grab 10 out of the bag; I figured I’d eat any he didn’t finish. When I put them in front of him, I thought this would be a great opportunity to practice some mathematical word problems. This is something my husband had introduced to my oldest when she was just 3 years old and she excels in math. Sometimes we forget to implement these same practices with a 2nd or 3rd child. But, it was just me and Owen in the kitchen with no older siblings to jump in with the answer and take away from his opportunity to figure it out.

“How many carrots do you have?” Owen counted them out carefully pointing at each carrot and smiled at me with his answer.

“How many carrots did you ask for?” I asked. He replied, “Eight.”

By now he had already begun eating his first carrot and I had grabbed one too. Then I asked if he knew how many extra I had given him. Looking at the baby carrots on the table and knowing one was in his belly and mine was just about gone, he began to count on his fingers and thumbs to figure this out. It was a fun observation to watch him find an alternate way to solve the problem all on his own. He eventually figured out that I had given him 2 extra. We played out a few other word problems using his carrots and sometimes he used the carrots as instruments to come up with the answer, and other times he used his fingers and thumbs to count out his answer. In either case I was witnessing how the tactile experience was what helped him conclude his answer.

Owen has always been fascinated with signing the numbers, at least 1 through 5. He learned in preschool the common way that kids learn to count to five, which contradicted the way I had shown him in ASL. At least the number THREE, so I’ll show you how to count to ten in sign, and share a great tip in this video.

Teachers agree that children who are encouraged to use their fingers to solve simple math problems have math concepts stick better. Part of that may be that it is visual, part of it may be that it is tactile. Either way, teachers now know that this is an effective tool for their students and not to discourage it. Children who sign are already accustomed to using their hands to convey ideas and concepts. So, could it be argued that signing with children makes them stronger in math? I believe so.

What ways do you incorporate math into your children’s activities?

It’s becoming an ever more common sight: babies and kids playing with smartphones. According to NPR’s Health Blog, one recent survey found that as many as 1 in 4 toddlers has used a smartphone and for many young kids, it’s become the toy of choice. Yet, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that kids under two follow a no-screen time rule. Is this new breed of tech parenting going to wreak havoc on the development of toddlers? Not if we educate parents how to use smartphones smartly (because the trend is most likely only going to grow).

Here are 5 smart tips for letting toddlers use smartphones:

1. Play together. One main concern that the AAP has about young children using things like smartphones is that it leads to a reduction in parent-child communication – which is vital for language development. So, if your child wants to play on your smartphone, play together and talk about what’s happening. If you’re looking for a way to entertain your child while actually increasing your ability to communicate with one another, try our new, free KidGlyphs app which is a fun tool that uses graphics, spoken words, and text to help children communicate beyond their verbal skills.
2. Opt for educational apps. In the same vein as above, choose apps that encourage interaction and education as opposed to those that mindlessly suck kids in without benefit.
3. Be aware. Parents need to be aware of what their child is doing on electronic devices – to teach them how to use them respectfully and responsibly and how to best interact with technology.
4. Use in moderation. While there are no set recommendations for how much time you should allow a young child to play with a smartphone, use your best judgment.
5. Don’t use it for soothing. Children are naturally fascinated by the colors, sounds, and animation of smartphones and given the choice, may often choose it as a favorite distraction. If your child is crying or throwing a tantrum, don’t try to soothe him by giving him your phone. You’ll only teach him that he can have that special tool whenever he screams enough.

New advancements in science and technology can be very exciting, but it’s wise to understand the benefits and risks. And, with the boom in developments our children will experience in their lifetime, one of the greatest lessons we can teach them is responsible use.

As a pediatric resident, I have families come into clinic on a daily basis with questions about parenting.  How do I discipline my child?  How do I get them to eat their vegetables?  How do I get them to stay in their own bed at night?   My question is: where does it say in the pediatric texts how to advise on parenting skills?  The truth: it often doesn’t!

As a doctor-in-training, the books tell us the what-you-need-to-do part of the equation, but leave the how-to-do-it part up for interpretation.  For example, the texts will tell you, a toddler needs to give up the bottle by 18 months, but it fails to say how you convince a child to do so.   It seems that effective pediatricians must have real-life inspiration to draw from.  Some ask their patients parents what has worked for them.  Others have their own child-rearing experience to draw from.  As for me, I rely on my sister.

My sister has two adorable boys – Finn and Oscar.  As the first grandchildren in our family, it hasn’t taken much effort on their part to stay in the spotlight.   As the eldest, Oscar was first to arrive on the scene, and he has certainly left an impression.  He is what you might kindly call “spirited” or “willful”.  But where euphemisms end comes the difficult truth: He has been one hard child to parent.

Oscar, like so many children, hasn’t followed the books.   He refuses to sit in a seat.  He laughs during a time-out.  He climbs high onto furniture and then throws himself off, laughing hysterically.   He pretends to kiss baby Finn and bites him instead.  He literally runs circles around us, as the rest of the family sits together having a family picnic.

As Oscar has hit every stage of development, I’ve found that my stock advice as a pediatrician has failed to hold up to the task.  Now, I don’t want to give the wrong impression: my sister has not asked for any advice in parenting from me, a non-parent.  I have merely heard her relay stories of failed efforts using tips I’m sure I’ve offered to many of my patients’ families.

Figuring out the right way to parent Oscar has been a challenge for my sister and her husband.  But the trials and tribulations of being a parent have won them the wisdom that comes with experience, and an arsenal of parenting expertise.  As Oscar enters his third year of life, he has mellowed a bit.  He is no longer waging a private war against his younger brother Finn, and his dare-devil acrobatics have ceased – at least for the time being.   He is learning to drink from a cup at mealtimes, and is finally enjoying his fruits and veggies.  As a mother to none, but an Auntie to two, I have had the benefit of learning from the tough experiences, without having to struggle through the lessons.  From my sister’s hard-won parenting battles, I now have a bit of real-life parenting to draw from, until I have the fortune of going through the lessons myself.

If you have a young child at home and you are expecting your second you’re probably wondering how to help ease the transition into life with a new baby. Your toddler is used to having your undivided attention and now she has to share it with someone new.  This transition phase can be challenging for both parents if they are not prepared.  It’s even harder on your toddler if you haven’t spent quality time helping her understand how life will change.  I will note that you can never completely take away the change and stress your first child will feel with a new baby but you can definitely help ease her transition by making her feel more secure and loved.

Here are some tips to help your child and you adjust:

Before Baby is Born

• If your child is old enough take her to a sibling preparation class. This class is usually held at your local hospital or healthcare facility designed for children two years of age and older.  It helps siblings prepare for the emotional and physical realities of the arrival of a newborn. Activities can include arts and crafts, role-playing, and a mini-tour of the nursery and maternity unit to see where mom will be spending the night.
• Give her a baby doll to play with
• Expose her to other babies and let her see you interact with a baby
• Children’s picture books can help your toddler visualize how life will change with a new baby
• Have your child help you pick out gifts for the baby
• Make sure to spend quality one on one time with your toddler helping her understand how things will change once baby is born
• You can tell your preschool age child that you are going to have a baby by sharing the preparation activities and also showing her your growing belly
• If your toddler will be transitioning out of her crib and giving it to the new baby make sure to do this a few months before the birth so the adjustment of losing her crib is not such a huge deal

After Baby is Born

• When baby is born have your toddler come in to spend time with you first before she’s introduced to the new baby
• Use the baby’s name so that the toddler knows the baby is a person rather than “the baby”
• Encourage your toddler to touch the baby and show her how to do so in a gentle manner
• Make sure to continue your toddler’s regular schedule once you come home with baby (ask for help from family members to assist you)
• It is important to maintain the same rules and discipline even after the new baby arrives so your toddler has consistency
• Include your toddler in usual routines for the baby such as diaper changing, feeding time or bathing
• Each parent should make quality one on one time with the toddler so she still feels that she has your love and attention
• Have your toddler become your little helper by asking her to get a diaper for the baby or find the baby’s toy
• If your child is older it will be easier for her to adjust to a newborn sibling because they can understand what is happening and be actively involved.
• You should encourage involvement in helping with the new baby but not force it.  Offer to your older child that she can attend an infant CPR or child safety course designed for children who will become a new big brother or sister.  If your child feels like she has the skills and confidence to help care for her newborn sibling it will make it an easier transition on all of you.

Resources: Keys to Preparing and Caring for Your Second Child by Meg Zweiback Siblings Without Rivalry by Faber & Mazlich

It’s taken a long time for science to quantify what mothers have always known: the skin of babies and toddlers is very different from the skin of older children and adults. Babies’ skin is softer because the outermost protective layer, the stratum corneum, isn’t mature until at least age two. In babies and toddlers the total epidermis is also thinner, with increased absorption:

Ultraviolet radiation can penetrate more deeply.

This can damage skin DNA, trigger inflammation, accelerate aging, and suppress the immune system in the skin. (Our skin is a key, active part of our immune system – not just the physical barrier we’ve long assumed.) Radiation-induced skin changes can start accumulating during a baby’s first summer.

Sunscreen chemicals penetrate more easily as well.

Many of the chemicals used in sunscreens to absorb radiation act like estrogen hormones. These could end up throughout a baby’s body in the blood, and later be detected in the urine. This hasn’t been proven to cause a problem. Or proven safe.

How do you balance the health of young skin, where just a few sunburns can double the melanoma risk later in life? I recommend a few simple steps:

1. Avoid midday sun, when practical.
2. Choose sun-protective clothing for everyday wear when babies or toddlers will be outside. K&J clothing has a UPF of 50+, using no chemicals. And it’s adorable! In contrast, a typical tee has a UPF of only 5 or 10.
3. Seek shade with your little one.
4. Use a mineral sunscreen to physically block UV radiation. Zinc and titanium are the two common mineral active ingredients. Micron-particle-size minerals are small enough to go on clear and large enough not to be absorbed through the skin.

And don’t forget a pair of stylin’ baby sunglasses!

Paller AS, Hawk JLM, Honig P, Giam YC, Hoath S, Mack MC, and Stamatas GN. “New Insights about Infant and Toddler Skin: Implications for Sun Protection.” Pediatrics. 2011; 128(1):1-11.

What are you teaching your kids? You may be shocked to realize much of your child’s behavior, whether appropriate or not, is connected to how you parent.

Parenting is the toughest job you will ever have. What other job requires you to supervise, protect, teach, encourage, love, provide for, and use empathy, thoughtfulness, kindness, patience and creativity every moment of the day? It is a job that can be very trying but the rewards will fill your heart with each smile, laugh and, “I love you” that your kids return.

Parents often say, “I hope when my child goes off to college or moves out they make the right decisions.” Or “I hope they can take care of themselves.” What I would say to those parents is- it is the early lessons they learn from us that allow them to succeed in life.

First of all, the truth is that the earlier we start teaching our children important lessons and give them responsibility, the easier it will be to continue those lessons as our children reach their teenage years and approach their twenties.

If we want to raise a child that will be a responsible, productive adult, who can take care of themselves, we need to start paying attention to the messages we are conveying to our children even when they are very young. We also need to emphasize learning, having fun and allowing kids to explore their world, but we should begin introducing our kids to money management, teamwork, household responsibility, ownership and social cooperation.

Start Teaching Lessons Early

By the time your child is 2 you can have them help you with easy tasks around the house. When you are doing laundry, allow your child to help you. Let them help carry the clothes or put them in the dryer or help you pour the detergent in the washer. It is fun to help mom at that age and without even saying anything you are starting to lay the foundation for teamwork, cooperation and household responsibility.

Even my 18 month old helps clean up toys and throws a tissue in the trashcan for me when I ask. You can see the sense of pride at having accomplished the task when he runs back to me after throwing the trash away. As your child gets older, you will want to add the amount of help or chores they do around the house. Children need to be given more responsibility as they get older and they need opportunities to learn what to spend their money on.

Two Guiding Principles for Raising a Child to Succeed

Of course, your primary concern is providing your kids with love, respect and the necessities but beyond those, these principles will help you raise independent children that will learn to take care of themselves and the world around them.

1. Language- What you Say is What You Get

It is important to be aware of the language we use when talking about housework, yard work, chores, money, helping others, and teamwork. We are our children’s first teachers and we have an opportunity to teach them throughout life if we honor that responsibility and privilege with respect. We may not feel like doing laundry or dishes, or vacuuming or saving money, but if you are positive or explain the necessity of those chores and saving to our kids, as they grow, they will be more likely to help with important work around the house. If you want your kids to do chores as they get older, be mindful of how you approach the chores.

2. Be Consistent with Your Discipline, Teaching, and the Messages You Convey

Consistency is one of the most important things in parenting. It is so easy not to be consistent but children actually feel more secure when there is a consistent message to our parenting and, amazingly, their behavior usually reflects it.

Kids Need to Learn Patience and Delayed Gratification

It is so important for kids to learn that everything does not happen right when they want it to. It is also important that they learn they do not get a toy just because they want it. An important lesson to work on with your kids is teaching deferred gratification and patience.

I learned my lesson with this principle. When I would go to a store like Target, on occasion I would buy something that only cost a dollar for my kids. Well, after doing this 2 or 3 times, I realized when I did not buy them something they threw a royal fit and acted like possessed children. I was shocked and embarrassed. I realized I had broken the cardinal rule – do not let them think they are entitled to get something for no reason.

I thought it’s only a dollar. My kids thought, we get something every time we go to the store because mom said it did not cost very much. As soon as I realized I had caused this problem I worked to fix it and within a week or two it had been resolved.

If you are wondering how I stopped the tantrums and begging it is simple. Before going into any store, I explain to my kids why we are going to the store, what we are getting, and I explain if I am getting anything for them (usually I am not unless it is for a special reason).

The other thing I do is tell them when they see something they want, that they can save their money and buy it once they have enough money or they can wait until their birthday or Christmas and ask for it and maybe they will get it if that is really what they want.

Once I was consistent with my message, my explanations and my actions, the kids behavior improved because I reinforced my rule and, in the process, my kids are learning about delayed gratification and patience.

Kids Need to Learn How to Handle Disappointment

Many parents focus on providing everything for their child. Every opportunity, every new toy or product, but it is actually very healthy for your child to learn how to handle disappointment. I am talking about an experience in life that does not go their way. It is an opportunity to coach your child, to listen and reassure them and explain that sometimes things do not work out the way we want them to. A good example of an appropriate disappointment is a child’s soccer team losing a game or your child having to miss a birthday party or not being able to take riding lessons.

I am not suggesting you purposely create disappointment for your child. I am merely explaining that disappointment is part of life and that, if we have small doses of it as we grow up, kids will be mentally able to handle these situations as they grow into adults. Be aware and sensitive to your child’s disappointments, but do not try and make up for the disappointment, just listen to them and talk through it and give them hope for a different outcome next time.

It is Your Responsibility to Teach Them Life Lessons Everyday

I know many parents who spoil their kids with every toy or outfit, or new gadget they want. I also know parents who usually give in to their child’s request to eat something else or stay up late. There is a time for bending the rules, but in everyday parenting we need to remember we are the adults, we make the rules and we need to help guide our children in the direction we want them to go.

We need to provide them with the information and practice in making smart decisions, learning to work with others; learning to save for important or necessary purchases and that sometimes life closes a door in front of us. These lessons will teach them that we work hard to open another door and to walk through with confidence and strength.

We all want our babies to have the best start possible. How much do infant educational videos really help to boost the brain?

Each hour of educational baby DVDs or videos that babies watch per day is associated with an additional 16.99 point decrease in language development scores on standardized testing, according to a study published in the October 2007 Journal of Pediatrics.

This drop is large enough that parents could notice the smaller number of words learned each month. The results of the test used in the study often, but not always, correlate with overall intellectual development.

The babies in this study were 8 to 16 months old. It didn’t make any difference if parents watched the video with the babies, watching was still associated with a large decrease in language skills.

By contrast, reading to the baby at least once a day and storytelling at least once a day were each associated with about a 7 point increase in language scores.

For older toddlers in the study, aged 17 to 24 months, reading and storytelling offered even larger intellectual advantages. No benefit to the videos was found in this age group, at least there was no harm.

From previous studies we know that educational videos can have real learning benefits for kids over 30 months. My take home messages are simple.

First, given the possible negative intellectual impact suggested in this study and the popularity of infant educational DVDs (and their enticing names and marketing) more research should be done quickly to verify or discredit the results of this single study.

Second, in the meantime, interacting with our children is a time-honored and scientifically-validated way to boost their learning . especially if we read to our kids and tell them stories at least once a day.

Third, children learn by imitation. Kids, learning tends to reflect parents learning. If we are learning ourselves, we foster a culture of learning in our children.

Note: Freerice.com is a great example of a way to boost your own vocabulary while helping other people. The idea behind this site is every time you get a correct answer on a vocabulary test (that is cleverly targeted to boost your current language level) 10 grains of rice are given to someone who is malnourished. It’s simple, fun, free, AND a great way for us to learn vocabulary while providing rice to feed hungry children. The World Food Programme of the United Nations announced that the site has already generated enough rice to feed 50,000 people for a day in its first month of operation.

Zimmerman FJ, Christakis DA, and Meltzoff AN. Associations between media viewing and language development in children under age 2 years. Journal of Pediatrics. 2007 151:364-8.

Today’s generation of children is growing up unlike any previous generation in history. In the last 10 years there has been an explosion of digital and electronic media available to and even targeted at children – even our very youngest children. Lots of DVDs are aimed at kids 0 to 18 months old. Television networks for toddlers, handheld video games for preschoolers, and computer games for children as young as 9 months. And of course, there is the Internet… What’s the impact of all this media on the young? Is it decreasing their time spent reading or playing outdoors? A preliminary study published in the May 2007 Pediatrics at least catalogued what is going on in today’s kids aged to 6 months to 6 years. Children in the study were reported (by parents) to watch an average of 1 hour 19 minutes on a typical day (more if there was a TV in the child’s bedroom, or in single parent families). In addition, children averaged 1 hour 18 minutes of DVDs. According to the parents, most kids do not play any form of video games on a typical day (only 16 percent of 5-6 year oldsdo), but those who do spend about an hour a day playing. By contrast, the kids were much more likely to spend time at the keyboard, either playing computer games or other computer activities – taking about another hour. This is starting to add up!

And the kids are quickly becoming comfortable using these media by themselves. More than half of the 6 month to 2 year olds were already turning on the TV themselves. Many were already inserting and watching DVDs on their own. By age five, more than 70 percent were comfortable navigating a computer with a mouse. They are off to a different start than we were.

We live in a digital world, and I am glad that kids are getting an early exposure to this ‘language’ of our new century – as long as it does not crowd out other important ‘languages’ to learn to understand and love at an early age: outdoor play, reading, and spontaneous and imaginative creation.

This study measured reading time and outdoor play time. Not surprisingly, some kids got plenty, others not enough. What was surprising, though, was that there was no difference in these items overall between those who spent many hours with digital media and those who did not. Media did not seem to be a culprit here! My take home: be sure kids are enjoying the important parts of childhood that we and our parents before us grew up with. Modern marvels can enhance their lives without crowding these out.

What’s your take? Many parents in the study were fans of bedroom TVs to help their kids sleep. Ironically, it seems that the televisions often worsen sleep in the short-run and lead to sleep problems down the road. They just keep our overtired children quieter.

Vanderwater, E.A., Rideout, V.J., Wartella, E.A., Huang, X., Lee, J.H., and Shim, M. “Digital Childhood: Electronic Media and Technology Use Among Infants, Toddlers, and Preschoolers.” Pediatrics. May 2007, 119, pp. e1006-e1015.