Sometimes life catches us off guard. We feel like a deer in the headlights. Sometimes things change so quickly that we are left shocked and confused. Have you ever felt that way?

How do you think you would feel if:

• You lose your job over something you didn’t know you were doing wrong and aren’t given an opportunity to change your ways?
• Your spouse left you suddenly?
• Your best friend backs out of your weekly lunches with no warning because she’s sick of hearing you whining?
• Your boss tells you a week before Christmas that there won’t be a bonus this year when you had been counting on it to pay for gifts?
• Your car breaks down, you can’t afford a new one, and you just have to make do without?

How do you think a child feels when:

• Suddenly and abruptly transferred from being cared for by mom at home to going to day care full-time?
• Going from being rocked to sleep every night to suddenly being left to cry it out?
• Having a diaper withheld when needing to poop because he’s old enough to understand that he should do it on the toilet?
• Being weaned cold-turkey from mom’s breast or parents’ bed?
• Being told that he doesn’t need a pacifier or a lovey anymore because he’s too old for that?
• Being snapped up and taken out to the car (“time to go!”) while in the middle of playing with something with no previous warning?

People, especially children, deserve to be given warning, to be given a chance to adjust, to be given an opportunity to learn. When transitions are necessary, make them gently, be patient, take the opportunity to teach and to explain.  Be sure to communicate, come up with solutions that will work for everyone, give your child the opportunity to learn and to make mistakes when learning. Some people are happy to just let things happen in their own time, but even if you are not, ensure that you push gently.

What is the alternative to abrupt changes? Tomorrow I’ll talk about the gentle path to learning.

Sometimes I feel like motherhood is one giant witch hunt.  In the great game of parenting, I am damned if I do.  And I am damned if I don’t.

Wear your baby!  LET THAT KID HAVE SOME INDEPENDENCE, WHY DON’T YOU?!  Give your baby unrestricted access to your breast!  ISN’T IT ABOUT TIME YOU STOPPED BEING SELFISH AND WEANED?  A little rice cereal in a bottle at two months makes a world of difference!  COMMERCIAL RICE CEREAL IS PRACTICALLY BABY POISON!

Babies love to be outside!  YOU SHOULD KEEP THAT BABY AT HOME IN WEATHER LIKE THIS!  Spare the rod and spoil the child, that’s what I always say!  BABY GATES ARE CAGES, WHO WANTS TO IMPRISON THEIR CHILD?  Keep your child away from television until they are at least three years old!  TELEVISION IS NECESSARY FOR CULTURAL LITERACY!

That baby should be rear-facing as long as possible!  THE CHILD ISN’T AN INFANT; TURN THAT CAR-SEAT AROUND!  Diverse flavors as offered in commercial baby food are best for developing taste buds!  IF YOU DON’T MAKE YOUR OWN BABY FOOD, YOU ARE EXPOSING HER TO HARMFUL SUBSTANCES!  Create a set of blank keys for that baby; by having something ‘important,’ you’re building self-esteem!  CHEWING ON KEYS CAN EQUAL LEAD POISONING!

And so it goes.  On.  And on.  And on.

This is the single most challenging part of motherhood for me: the criticism.  For the first time in my life, the decisions I make (both great and small) are constantly analyzed OUT LOUD by complete strangers.

Most of the time, I nod and smile.  I reassure them that they are certainly helpful, NOT AGGRAVATING AT ALL!, and I promise to keep their advice in mind.

But every now and then, this grey demon of defensive anger rises up inside of me.  ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, I scream inside my head.  She is my baby!  I am a careful and doting parent!  You will NEVER love my child, cherish my child the way I do!  I.  AM.  HER.  MOTHER.  And I am doing my very best every minute of every day so leave me alone.

Then I resolve to really hand the next well-meaning jerk a piece of my mind.  I’m going to TELL THEM WHAT I THINK OF THEIR RUBBISHNESS, I think to myself.

That’s when it happens, of course.  Someone taps my shoulder.  “She’s so beautiful and you can just tell she’s well-loved.”  I beam with pride.  “But don’t you think she ought to be down for a mid-afternoon nap?  She looks sleepy.  You could even nap with her.  It’s so good for a baby to sleep with a parent, after all.”  I sigh.

Before I know it, I’m nodding and smiling.  Maybe I’ll give someone a piece of my mind tomorrow.

How do you handle unsolicited parenting advice?

Like other pediatricians across the United States, today I received an E-Breaking News Alert from the American Academy of Pediatrics concerning news about bisphenol A (BPA), a chemical used in many hard plastic products (including baby bottles and sippy cups) and in the lining of many metal cans (including cans of infant or toddler formula). Now the panel of independent experts convened by the FDA has sharply criticized the previous FDA announcements that BPA is safe for infants and children in common exposure amounts. I agree with this criticism, and while there are many questions that still remain about the effect of BPA on kids, I can’t see a scientific basis for declaring it safe. I recommend that parents take prudent steps to decrease their children’s BPA exposure, such as breastfeeding, using BPA-free bottles, cups, teethers, etc., such as those made by BornFree*, and if formula is used, choosing powdered formula where practical (the BPA is more likely to contaminate a liquid), and avoiding heating any BPA-containing container. I also recommend avoiding phthalates and PVC in plastics. For more information, check out Raising Baby Green.

The FDA now suggests that parents who are concerned should discuss the matter with their pediatricians. While the AAP acknowledges the ongoing controversy about the safety of BPA, it alerted pediatricians and provided them with advice to give parents who want to reduce BPA exposure:

Advice for Parents

Breastfeeding is one way to reduce potential BPA exposure. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends exclusive breastfeeding for a minimum of 4 months but preferably for 6 months. Breastfeeding should be continued, with the addition of complementary foods, at least through the first 12 months of age and thereafter as long as mutually desired by mother and infant.

Parents considering switching children from liquid to powdered formula should be reminded that mixing procedures may differ, so they should pay special attention in preparing formula from powder.

Parents with babies on specialized formulas to address medical conditions should not switch children off those formulas, as the known risks of doing so would outweigh any potential risks posed by BPA.

Concerned parents can take the following precautionary measures to reduce babies’ exposure to BPA:

• Avoid clear plastic bottles or containers with the #7 imprinted on them. Many contain BPA
• Consider using certified or identified BPA-free plastic bottles
• Use bottles made of opaque plastic. These bottles (made of polyethylene or polypropylene) do not contain BPA
• Glass bottles can be an alternative, but be aware of the risk of injury to baby or parent if the bottle is dropped or broken
• Because heat may cause the release of BPA from plastic, consider the following:
  • Do not boil polycarbonate bottles
  • Do not heat polycarbonate bottles in the microwave
  • Do not wash polycarbonate bottles in the dishwasher
  • Risks associated with giving infants inappropriate (home-made condensed milk) formulas or alternative (soy or goat) milk are far greater than the potential effects of BPA

Note: Dr. Greene teamed up with BornFree in September of 2008 to help teach families about important issues concerning BPA, phthalates, and PVC.

My local new-baby nursery is decorated with signs that say, “no pacifiers”. Parents and professionals alike want breastfeeding to succeed. Many studies conducted over the past decade have found an association between pacifier use and early weaning – but these studies have not shown whether pacifier use causes early weaning or vice versa.

An excellent randomized, controlled clinical trial, published in the July 18, 2001 issue of The Journal of the American Medical Association, concluded that pacifier use does not cause early weaning, it merely becomes more common among babies who are already weaning.

This fits with what I have observed in working with families: as long as pacifiers are not used as substitutes for meeting babies’ needs, they can be offered to soothe fussy young babies without interfering with nursing.

Different babies are calmed in different ways; learning what works best for your baby is part of the adventure of having a newborn.