It seems that laughing can be contagious.  Have you ever found yourself laughing after you see someone else laughing?  You don’t know why you are laughing but just seeing someone laugh can cause you to do the same.  Wouldn’t you rather catch a laugh then a cold or the flu?

Our children certainly know how to laugh.  We can learn much from them. They seem to spend a lot more time laughing than we adults do!  Babies smile naturally too.  Remember your baby’s first smile?

We have all heard the age old saying “laughter is the best medicine.”   Have we experienced this ourselves?

Laughing results in the exercise of your diaphragm and the movement of your facial muscles.  Have you ever laughed so hard that your side hurts?

There is a lot of research into the physical benefits of laughter.  When you start to laugh, it doesn’t just lighten your load mentally, it actually induces physical changes in your body. Laughter can stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.  Laughter activates and relieves your stress response by lowering your adrenaline level, resulting in a good, relaxed feeling.  Laughter can also soothe tension by stimulating the circulation and aids in muscle relaxation, both of which help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

Laughter has some positive long term effects too.  It improves your immune system. Negative thoughts result in chemical reactions that can impact your body by bringing more stress into your system and decreasing your immunity. In contrast, positive thoughts actually release neuropeptides that help fight stress and potentially more-serious illnesses.  Laughter may also ease pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers, such as endorphins.  Laughter can also break the pain-spasm cycle common to some muscle disorders such as fibromyalgia.  Finally, laughter increases personal satisfaction by making it easier to cope with difficult situations and in helping you connect with other people.

So, yes it’s true!  Laughing is really healthy by promoting good physical health and mental well being.  It’s good for our hearts and our heads.   This is wonderful news for us all.  We are not wasting time laughing we are exercising our bodies and elevating our moods.  No drugs needed!

Happy people seem to make others happier too.  Most of us would rather talk with a happy person than with a grumpy one-right?

So if laughing is good for us, why aren’t we doing more of it?  In today’s post 9/11 world we are much more stressed and on guard than ever before.  Tragedy seems to be everywhere and with instant media you can follow it for days if not weeks.  I am not suggesting that we not empathize or be engaged with happenings in the world, but we should keep it all in perspective and not let current events put us in a state of constant depression and immobilization.

Wouldn’t we be more able, mentally and physically, to respond to a crisis if we were in good health?  If your doctor prescribed laughter in a pill form, would you take it?

What about our children.   Do they feel this angst?  Do they feel more stressed today, than we did growing up?  What would your guess be?  The answer is obvious.  They feel your mood.

To summarize, there is now clear evidence that laughter is good for mental as well as physical health.  If you are healthier you are more likely to be patient and energetic.  Wouldn’t that be good for your family and children?  Again, an obvious “Yes!”

Here are some of my favorite tips to make you and your family healthier and happier:

• Go to a funny movie together
• Find jokes to share with your kids
• Tickle your kids and let them tickle you
• Don’t take yourself so seriously.  No one else does!
• Have a backwards day at your house where you have dinner in the morning and breakfast at night.
• Have your family make funny faces and take photos
• Read a funny story with your kids.  Mu book, Last Night I Had a Laughmare was created for exactly this purpose.

Wouldn’t our lives be so much better with a little more laughter in the world?  You can be the change that your family and your community needs.

Enjoy

Walt Disney called it “Imagineering” and made imagining fun for all ages!

Young children make sense of the world through play and by using their imaginations.  They learn social and emotional skills through play and interaction with their peers and with adults.

They learn valuable lessons like taking turns and predicting outcomes.    Have you ever built a castle in the sand or maybe just a sand cake with a young child?  Great conversations can develop.  You can discuss your surroundings, like who lives in which house, or whose birthday could this be?  How many people or how many candles should there be?  What about your house or family?  How many birthdays or how old are you this year or next?

They learn vocabulary by trying out different words and different combinations of words.  They learn about humor and what’s funny by playing with words and putting different word combinations together.   For example, “smelly” and “feet” by themselves are not funny, but together it may be hilarious to a young child.   They are developing a sense of confidence by trying new things.  In play they  are not judged or criticized.

Walt Disney certainly understood the importance of imagination for young children and their belief in magic.  Fantasy and reality seemed to weave in and out of stories that children and their parents love.  He knew the importance of developing creativity in children by developing their imaginations.  His stories were engaging for both parents and their children.  He even seemed to be able to touch the child inside every adult.

I was lucky enough to grow up with Walt Disney and Dr. Seuss as my heroes.   I was transported to wonderful lands by the magic of Disney and entertained by the zaniness of many of the Seuss characters.

My book “Last Night I Had a Laughmare” is my own personal tribute to the memory of these two wonderfully amazing people.  It’s my own leap into the realm of Imagineering.  I imagined a book that would enable parents and children to escape together to the land of Gigglyville and meet my own brand of zany folks.   If just for a few minutes, they could share a giggle, a laugh or at least a smile, that would make it all worthwhile.

As an early childhood educator I too believe in the importance of providing lots of opportunities for children to use their imaginations and their sense of silliness.   The silliness enables them to try new things, think creatively and positively about the world they live in.

Here are some suggestions to try with your kids using my book “Last Night I Had a Laughmare”:

• Ask you kids what other funny named characters could live in Gigglyville.  Let them come up with some names and why they would be perfect for this town.
• What other things can you think of that can be done backwards in Gigglyville.
• The residents of Gigglyville can hop on one toe.  See if they would like to try that!
• Try a “dress up day” where you find clothes that are way too big and then way too small.  How do both feel?  Which would they choose if they had to choose one?

Enjoy a happy, funny giggly day or night!

In the coming years, technology will continue to play a large role in our children’s lives.  I’m sure you have seen YouTube videos of babies and toddlers swiping through their parents’ iPads, knowing exactly what they are looking for! Though some of us bemoan the prevalence of technology in our young children’s lives (myself included!), the fact is that tablets and smart phones are an integral part of many homes and they can be used as tools to educate and inspire.

There are so many great apps that are education-focused and can help children master arithmetic, spelling, memorization and history to name a few. We have heard of a few schools issuing iPads to each student -allowing students to carry their textbooks more easily, download more frequently updated versions of school texts, and receive, complete, and turn in assignments electronically. There are organizational apps that help families with their daily tasks and chores; apps that make sharing messages and photos between family members safer through other social media outlets (which can be a big help to families with young children and grandparents who live far away), etc.  There are apps that allow children to develop their creativity and imagination through interactive storybooks and artistic endeavors.

One of the most important things I have learned is to limit my children’s screen time.  While tablets and smart phones are great tools for both education and fun, it is so important that children are encouraged to participate in free play, sports, reading etc. As a parent, I see one of my responsibilities as helping them learn to find a healthy balance between screen time and other activities.  Left on their own, they would likely choose screen time (TV, computer, tablets) over anything else.

There are, of course, apps for that!  We reviewed Screen Time – Media Time Manager a few months ago. Using Screen Time, you will be able to do the following: 1) assign daily minute allowances for each child, 2) encourage your children to earn screen minutes by doing chores or showing good behavior, and 3) encourage your kids to give up their screen time minutes for other rewards or activities. Alternatively, I tend to set my iPad or iPhone timer for 15 minutes.  Each child gets two 15 minute non-consecutive turns, and when the timer goes off they can finish whichever app they are in the middle of before passing the device over to a sibling.  Consequences of not listening are not being allowed to use a tablet or smart phone the next day.  Remember to always follow through with the consequences!  The daughter of a friend of mine commented to her upon losing a privilege for misbehaving “that’s ok mommy, you will forget tomorrow that you took that away from me.”

Used properly, a tablet can enrich a child’s life.  Theiphonemom.com strives to help parents make smart choices in choosing apps for their families, and hopefully we will continue to play a role in our readers’ lives!

I will admit to being addicted to certain endless runner type games on my iPhone.  All in the name of research as The iPhone Mom! But when it comes to my children, I try to limit their time with this style of app and direct them to more productive apps instead.  One area that iPads and iPhones are very useful in is education.  In fact, some schools even provide iPads for students use to reinforce classroom learning.  I feel that children learn best through repetition and there are many engaging and fun apps that accomplish this goal.

There is of course great potential for distraction when it comes to any electronic device.  I am the queen of procrastinating and my Subway Surfer score gets quite high whenever I have a deadline looming.  I heard firsthand that in one school that provided iPads to each student, some students handed them back in after a few months because of the distractions it caused.  I do try to monitor my children’s screen usage and guide them towards educational items.

There are some really fantastic math apps I would like to briefly highlight.

• Math Fun 1st Grade and Math Fun 2nd Grade are two separate apps from the same developer.  These are among the most comprehensive educational apps I have seen. Both apps have 10 activities with over 200 equations to focus on different aspects of addition & subtraction and multiplication & division. With exercises in number families, vertical equations, place values and so much more, children will become comfortable in important aspects of elementary school math.
• Mathmateer (formerly Rocket Math) is a great math game with the goal of building a rocket. You’ve got a set amount of money to spend and you can use it to buy boosters, fins, decorations, etc. You can choose between the following mission categories: numbers, counting, time, US money, shapes/patterns, addition/subtraction, multiplication/division and challenge. You can also choose a mission based on one of these difficulty levels: beginner, novice, intermediate, advanced, expert and genius. Completing your missions earns you money for rocket improvements.  For me the hook was trying to get my rocket to work the way I thought it should. In order to do that I needed money which meant I had to do the Math. I’m going to go out on a limb here, but I think that’s the general point of the app. So mission accomplished Rocket Math!
• Splash Math features sixteen chapters that cover over 200 skills that third graders will learn in Math
• Squeebles fractions, our current favorite, where answering fraction problems correctly earns you ingredients to bake a cake to enter into a bake show!
• Little Digits, great introduction to counting for the younger crowd, ages 3 – 7.

I could go on and on about different math apps which I feel are really fantastic for reinforcing skills.  Particularly when it comes to multiplication tables!  However, I’d also like to point out some notable apps in other subjects.

In geography, science and social studies:

• Stack the States
• Stack the Countries
• Presidents vs Aliens
• Our Amazing World: Antarctica
• Monster Physics
• Disney American Presidents

Letter and Sound Recognition:

• Goodnight ABC
• ABC 123 Fun
• Antique ABCs
• Pre-K Letters and Numbers
• Letters with Pooh
• Pre-K 123, Pre-K Rhyme and Pre-K Paper
• LetterSchool
• Share my ABCs
• KidGlyhps

These are just a small sampling of educational apps which should give you a taste of the value a smartphone or tablet can add to furthering your child’s education.  Used in conjunction with regular classroom learning and homework assignments, these apps can help your children progress to the next level.

I love to read.  I have about 10 books on my nightstand waiting for attention and I am in the middle of about three different books.  Before I had four children I read every chance I could get and would often stay up until 2am to read just one more chapter.  Once the kids came along, I found the extended nursing sessions my babies loved to be very conducive to reading.  And if I was in the middle of a good book, I may have nursed them more than strictly necessary on any given day to be able to read more!

Now though, my kids are getting older.  And while I do enjoy each stage as it comes, my reading seems to be restricted to age appropriate books – their ages, that is!  Ranging from Go Dog Go by P.D. Eastman to Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling, I usually am only reading to my kids these days.  That’s because the second I lie down in bed, holding onto one of my books, my eyes close and I pass out.  I don’t dream of vacations.  I dream of having time to read!

Long-time readers of TheiPhonemom.com will know that I am partial to interactive books.  I was enchanted from the first time I opened one of these apps.  Interactive books on the iPad take children’s stories, attach amazing graphics, a soundtrack, engaging voices and activities and create a whole new experience for children to enjoy.  These apps can range from stories based on existing books, like Bizzy Bear Builds a House, to original stories created specifically for this platform like Flora’s Forest or Luna Red Riding Hood.

Activities associated with these stories serve different functions.  In general, stories that are adapted from books tend to have activities that engage children but do not necessarily serve to further the storyline (i.e. tapping on a cow makes it moo) whereas original stories include activities that pull the reader further into the story and create an experience where the reader is helping the story progress (i.e. in Flora’s Forest, tapping on the kite makes it fly away).

Cuddling up with my children at the end of a long day and sharing a treasured book is always my favorite time of day.  When I see my children using my iPad and choosing interactive stories on their own, I cannot help but smile with pride!  These children are growing up with more electronics than I did, but they still choose stories every chance they get.   If you have not discovered interactive books yet, I encourage you to try one and read it with your child.  You will love their sense of wonder as the activities draw them further into the storyline.

As we all know, life can be very generous in delivering challenges. A key component to true and lasting happiness is learning the skill of resilience, the ability to bounce back from challenging times. Unfortunately, the only way for your child to really learn resilience is to actually work through times of challenge, adversity, or loss.

To help your child successfully navigate his way through challenging times, you can arm him with the A–B Formula, a tool that will help when he is having a hard time with what he is feeling or doing. This tool is also a tangible way for children to deal with negative and limited views or beliefs about themselves—the inner judge or scorekeeper that’s inside all of our heads. Here’s how it breaks down:

The A-B Formula is “A” = Accept and “B”= Baby Step.

Accept

True acceptance of whom and where you are today is an absolutely critical step in being able to face challenges and is also key to building self-worth. Acceptance is the starting point for movement and growth.

There are three steps to accept.

• Be aware of where you are today
• Be kind and patient with yourself
• Take responsibility instead of blaming others

Baby Step

To move forward, a baby step helps ignite the momentum for change to happen. Taking a baby step that is appropriately challenging will build your confidence and motivation and will keep you moving in a positive direction.

There are two steps to a baby step.

• Take a step in the direction you want to go
• Make it a step you can handle today

The A–B Formula will help your child to see challenges in life as an opportunity to become stronger rather than something that’s unfair, overwhelming, or to be avoided. This new approach will not only build long-term resilience but will also boost her overall self-esteem, happiness and positive outlook on life.

In today’s world of point cards, smiley-face stickers, and candy rewards, children are learning to feel confident only when someone else rewards them for their accomplishments. If a child feels confident only when she is rewarded or when she wins or when she does better than someone else, she is basing her entire self-worth on outward circumstances. This kind of confidence is conditional and temporary.

True and lasting confidence, however, comes from within—from your quality of effort and from being the best you can be. You can empower your child to develop his confidence from the inside out, rather than looking to others for how he should feel about himself, by teaching him a tool called River Effort.

River Effort gives children a tangible inner gauge to become aware of and identify their quality of effort and then to self-regulate, if necessary. The tool uses the analogies of Ice, Puddle, and River, three different qualities of effort that children can easily visualize and relate to. Here’s how you can explain it to your child:

Ice Effort

• Trying too much
• Feeling stuck, pressured, or stressed

If you are using Ice Effort, you may be trying really hard to get it right or be perfect. You may be feeling pressure to be better than someone else or even just as good as someone else. Or you may be feeling anxious about not messing up or letting someone down. Regardless you are giving away your power by looking to others for how you should feel about yourself.

Puddle Effort

• Trying too little
• Feeling dull, lazy, or bored

You may use Puddle Effort when you think that your best won’t be good enough and could end in failure, so what’s the point of trying. Or if you do your best and it is good enough, you may fear that others will always expect that from you. Not wanting that kind of pressure, it’s easier not to try at all. Or you may be focusing on the fact that you are really bored or disinterested in whatever you are doing.

River Effort

• Putting your heart into what you are doing and giving it your all
• Feeling happy, confident, and fulfilled

Rivers are always flowing and moving around obstacles, they don’t get stuck, and they are always moving toward something greater. There’s no guarantee that if you are using River Effort you will win or be the best in comparison to someone else, but it will be your personal best and will be the most enjoyable and fulfilling for you. This will build your confidence from the inside out. Always remember – happiness and confidence comes from being your best, rather than being the best.

Being present, focused and aware is the starting point to happiness and greatness. However, we often spend too much time thinking about either the past or the future. When we think too much about the past, it can lead to depression. When we think too much about the future, it can lead to anxiety. Both interfere with you being able to feel and be your best.

Parents and teachers so often tell children to pay attention. But when they do, children often hear it as a command, annoyance or someone trying to control them. This kind of external motivation can lead to a resistance to focus. On the other hand, if children are equipped with a tool that empowers them to see, understand, and experience the benefits of focusing, they will be much more likely to choose to focus on their own.

A River Check-in is a tool with very tangible steps that can help your child focus, refocus and strengthen their attention span. To make it simple and easy to remember, the River Check-in asks children to follow a few steps to check and regulate their 3 Bs, namely Body, Breath, and Brain.

B #1 – Body Check

1. Spine: Long and strong. If your spine is long and strong, your muscles will be used most efficiently allowing more energy to be available to your brain for focus.
2. Muscles: Not too tight, not too loose but in the middle like a river. If your muscles are both strong and relaxed, your blood can flow freely and do its job by circulating oxygen and nutrients making you feel awake and alive.

B #2 – Breath Check

1. Ninja Breathing is one of the most powerful tools to learn and it’s used to calm and de-stress. It’s simply a slow deep inhale through the nose and a slow deep exhale through the mouth.
2. Fire Breathing gives a quick boost of energy. In Fire Breathing both the inhale and exhale are through the nose, and the breaths are quick, short, and sharp.
3. River Breathing is for maintaining a general feeling of focus and well-being. It is deep and even from the belly, and the breath is in and out through the nose. At the end of each inhale you feel more energy, and at the end of each exhale you feel more relaxation.

B # 3 – Brain Check

1. Focus on what you are doing using your brain. Ask yourself a few simple questions. Where is my attention right now? Where is the best place to be putting my attention right now? Can I make the choice to shift my attention?
2. Focus on what you are doing using your eyes. By keeping your eyes in the direction of your task or activity, your brain can better focus on the important information it needs.
3. Focus on what you are doing using your ears. Choosing to use your ears to focus on what need to be listening to instead of getting distracted by other noises will have a great impact on your ability to absorb and retain the information you need.

A River Check-in with the 3 Bs helps children to find a place of focus and emotional and mental balance. This ability to self-regulate and to return to a state of relaxed focus and presence will without doubt contribute to their ability to find their happiness from the inside out.

There’s no doubt that more than anything else, parents want their children to be healthy and happy. Yet studies have shown that today’s generation of children might be the first ever to live a shorter life than their parents’ generation, and remarkably children were significantly less anxious and depressed during the Great Depression and World War II than they are today.

Why are children more anxious and depressed today? The answer lies in what can be described as the American Happiness Formula: Look Good + Perform Well + Get Approval = Happiness. Society today has conditioned us to follow this formula and many of us strive very hard to perfect it, only to find that it never adds up to the happiness we are longing for. That’s because this formula is extrinsically based meaning we are looking for validation and approval from the outside in.

Because extrinsic goals are based on what other people think of us, we have much less control over achieving these types of goals than intrinsic goals, which are based on a person’s individual development. So when children believe they have little or no control over their fate, they become anxious, and when their anxiety and sense of helplessness becomes overwhelming, they become depressed.

Clearly children need to be redirected towards intrinsic goals so that they can find their confidence, self-worth and happiness from the inside out instead of the outside in. If we focus on intrinsic goals, we are looking to personal effort and progress—things we can control. Having a sense of control of our own lives can then lead to feelings of confidence, contentment and happiness. In fact, researchers have shown that those who are intrinsically motivated exhibit not only more interest, excitement, and confidence in their lives but also enhanced performance and higher levels of self-esteem and well-being.

So how do we teach our children to be intrinsically motivated and find their happiness from the inside out? This ageless quest for inner happiness can be boiled down to four essential life skills – focus, confidence, resilience and social intelligence. The first three develop a strong positive sense of self and the fourth develops strong, positive and healthy relationships with others.

Stay tuned for more information. Each day this week we’ll post about one of these four life skills with a practical, step-by-step tool that will give you kid-friendly language and a simple process to help your child find true and lasting happiness from the inside out.

Research has shown unequivocally that having strong, meaningful relationships contributes to our overall happiness, fulfillment, and well-being. Yet today children have many obstacles to healthy relationships. As we have seen, there is an epidemic of extrinsic motivation amongst our children causing them to believe their value and self-worth comes from the praise and recognition of others rather than from their own personal effort and fulfillment. Thus it’s easy to for children to see other people as either an impediment to their success or as the answer to it. Sadly, it’s quite common for children to see other people through the lens of the 3 Cs—Compare, Compete, or Control. All too often this is the very root of bullying.

In order to have fulfilling relationships, we must teach our children to connect with others on a deep emotional level. This can be accomplished through understanding, empathy, compassion, teamwork, and clear, honest communication. You can do this by teaching your child My Shoes, Your Shoes, Our Shoes. This tool develops social intelligence – the interpersonal and social skills your child needs for positive and healthy relationships. Here’s how you can explain it to your child:

My Shoes

My Shoes is learning to clearly and honestly express yourself because no one knows what it’s like to be you.

There are three steps to My Shoes.

• Express clearly your thoughts and feelings
• Explain instead of blame
• Speak instead of scream

Your Shoes

Your Shoes is about empathy and compassion. It’s about learning how to hear, understand, and care about the thoughts and feelings of others.

There are three steps to Your Shoes.

• Feel and understand what it’s like to be in the other person’s shoes
• Listen with your ears, eyes, and heart
• Open your mind and close your mouth

Our Shoes

Our Shoes is learning how to work together in a spirit of cooperation instead of competition. Looking for connections to other people instead of focusing on feeling separate or different.

There are two steps to Our Shoes.

• Respect each other’s feelings and opinions
• Work together to find a solution or understanding

We are not alone in this world and our social relationships have an enormous influence on our happiness and fulfillment in life. My Shoes, Your Shoes, Our Shoes will help your child to develop healthy relationships based on mutual acknowledgment, care and respect.