The time has come and you’ll be returning to work. Of course one of the most important considerations that accompany this decision is childcare. Yes, it can be a stress even thinking about how it’s going to work and who you’ll trust to take care of your precious child. Will it be a nanny? Is daycare a better choice? Should you go with a babysitter? These are just some of the questions that will likely go through the minds of parents who are returning to work. With all of the other elements related to working outside the home, including getting your wardrobe together, catching up on the latest technology and mentally preparing yourself for a change of pace, it’s no wonder that you may be feeling stressed. And with childcare one of the most critical and important decisions to make during this time, parents can rightfully feel overwhelmed.

Thankfully this does not have to be the case when you’re returning to work. By following a few simple tips, your return to the workplace can be a lot less stressful on both you and your child.

1)   Do your research – Ask friends, family, neighbors and others about what they did when they returned to work. Do they have any referrals for child care providers or recommendations of who you should contact?

2)   Weigh your options – What’s best for someone else might not necessarily be best for your family. A friend or family member may have made a specific choice based, for example, on their hours or employment or the availability of childcare in their area. Don’t feel pressured into choosing an option that doesn’t feel comfortable and right for you. If your gut feeling is to go with that specific daycare center or babysitter, then follow it and don’t worry what other people say. It’s your child, after all.

3)   Assess your finances – Money is always a consideration when it comes to childcare. Sometimes what appears to be too good to be true, is; other times, what seems to be a high price is actually a good deal, when hourly time calculations are made. You may think that you can’t afford a nanny but it could actually be your best choice financially. Same goes for the choice of babysitter or daycare. Look at your finances, do a cost-benefit analysis and make your decision.

4)   Consider your work commitments – Part of your decision-making process should include a realistic look at your work commitments and hours. For example, is your job a 9 to 5 gig or will it be expected that you work longer hours when necessary? Will you be working shifts, and if so, how will that fit into the childcare provider’s schedule? In these instances a nanny might make the best choice. Be realistic and honest with yourself when reviewing these questions and your answer will become crystal clear.

5)   Family and friends – Sometimes family and friends offer their services for childcare to help you transition back to work. In some instances, it’s ideal – after all, grandma gets her fix and you get a break – sometimes it’s not. Some smart minds have warned us all to not mix business with family or friends, though it’s worked well for many. In other words, take a long hard look at the potential benefits as well as the potential problems with this type of arrangement and make your decision accordingly.

Becoming a new parent as you bring a baby into the world is incredibly overwhelming and hard work. It will challenge you in ways you’ve never been challenged before. Taking care of a new baby can be so all-encompassing that you have very little time to take care of yourself. Even simple tasks like eating and showering can get neglected; simple errands seem difficult to complete, and getting out on a date with your partner may seem an insurmountable challenge. Additionally, sleep deprivation makes everything harder: your problem-solving ability plummets, your memory fails you, your emotions see-saw all over the place, and patience is a rare commodity. In sharing this article we hope Itsabelly’s new parent tips on reducing stress after having a baby will help you navigate through the challenges ahead.

What can you do:

• Sleep whenever the baby sleeps. If you have friends or family come to visit, ask them to hold the baby while you take a nap.
• Make sure you have nutritious food in the house that doesn’t need to be cooked, and that you can hold in one hand while you hold the baby in the other. If friends or co-workers offer to help after the baby’s born, ask them to bring you foods that you enjoy eating.
• Bring a bouncer seat or a carseat into the bathroom with you so you can still get a shower, with the baby nearby (often the sound of the water will lull a baby to sleep.)
• Be gentle with yourself: if the house isn’t as clean as you normally keep it, try not to stress about it; if you’re not making progress on any of the projects you had planned for “quiet times” at home, stay relaxed.
• Try to let go of “rules”: shoulds, always, and nevers. For example, “she can’t possibly be hungry again, I just nursed her” or “I’ll never get any time to myself again” or “I should be getting more done, or I’ll always feel out of control.” Stay in the moment: what can you do to make things better right now?
• Find peer support: There’s nothing quite like being around other people who are experiencing some of the same challenges you’re facing. Seek out other new parents. The resource list includes support groups, postnatal exercise groups, and parent education groups; there are also things like Gymboree, Kindermusik, baby swim classes, etc. Hanging out at playgrounds and chatting with other parents also helps. Being around other parents helps lighten the sense of isolation and overwhelming change for the parents. It also allows you to see lots of different babies and lots of different parenting styles, and come up with new ideas that may work for you and for your family.
• Call on friends or family before it gets bad. A friend of mine once told me: “after I had children, I could not imagine how anyone would ever want to abuse or hurt their child. I wanted to protect my child, I wanted to protect everyone’s children from harm. And yet… there were other moments when I totally understood why people abuse their children. When I was sleep-deprived, and hadn’t had a break to eat or to shower all day, and I felt like I had no resources left, and my baby was screaming and screaming and I had no idea what to do, I would sit and rock back and forth crying, not able to come up with any solutions. Somehow hitting the baby almost seemed like a reasonable action… nothing else I had tried had worked, in those moments of desperation, it almost seemed worth seeing if maybe hitting would.” She didn’t hit her child. She called friends and asked for help. When she first called, she wasn’t able to tell her friends how she was feeling. All she did was invite them over to visit her and the baby, and just having them around helped. Later on, she was able to talk more about her feelings.
• Try it. If there’s something that you enjoyed doing before baby was born, and you don’t know if you can do it with baby, just give it a try to see what happens. The worst that happens is it fails… and you try again some other time. For example, if you love movies, try going in the middle of the day when it’s cheap and there’s not many people to disturb. If you’re lucky, baby will sleep right through. If you’re not quite so lucky, you may just have to leave the theater once or twice. And if it’s just disastrous, accept that it didn’t work out that day, and you can always try again some other time.
• Find quality time with your partner. New babies put a lot of strain on marriages and relationships. When the baby has so many immediate needs, it’s often easy to put off meeting your own needs, and meeting the needs of your partner. It’s important not to let this develop into a long-term pattern. Try to find quality time with your partner each week, whether that’s a “date” or just a few minutes of snuggling and conversation at some point in each day.

Who said going out with your sweetie on a date night would never happen after having a baby? Well, I believe going out on a date night is a must to keep your relationship strong and friends are bound to invite you out to a special event. So, it’s definitely in your best interest to find a good babysitter if you don’t have mom or sis to help out. 

If you’re a new parent how do you find the best babysitter to take care of your child?  Itsabelly Baby Planners has helped many new families find babysitters and nannies. Here are some of our key tips to finding someone you’re comfortable with and trust with your child.

The American Red Cross does not provide certified babysitter referrals however parents have several options to locate a babysitter in their area:

1. One option is to locate the nearest Park and Recreation center and ask if parents can post a notice looking for sitter.
2. A second option is to take out a personal ad in the high school newspaper at the school located nearest you.  Check with the career counselor as parents can often place a notice on their job board.  Sometimes, this same option works well at the middle school level.
3. A third option is Sitter City or eNannySource.com. Parents can look at the number of sitters registered in their zip code area for free; but it will cost the parent to access the sitter information.

• Ask Around – Ask neighbors, friends, other moms if they know of a good babysitter or nanny
• Check Ads – Babysitters post ads on community boards in churches, libraries and sites like Craig’s List
• Post an Ad – Use sources like Craig’s List, Sittercity.com or go to your local college/university and post on their job opening board
• Prepare for the Interview – prep your list of questions.  Run a background check if the sitter has professional experience as a nanny.  Do reference checks.
• Arrange a meeting or practice babysitting session with the sitter and your children

Separation anxiety and stranger anxiety both coincide with a new intellectual skill called object permanence. Your baby now remembers objects and specific people who are not present. He will search for toys that have dropped out of sight. He is able to call up a mental image of what (or who) he is missing. He doesn’t want a stranger, because the stranger is not you.

Babies understand about people leaving before they learn about people returning. They can tell from your actions that you are about to leave. Anxiety begins to build even before you go.

Babies can’t tell from your actions that you are about to return. They have no idea when — or even if — you will come back. And they miss you intensely. For them, each separation seems endless.

Dropping a screaming child at day care tugs at parents‘ hearts. And much nighttime screaming is an expression of separation anxiety. Sleep is a scary separation.

To us, peek-a-boo and bye-bye are fun ways for us to interact with kids. For babies, these are issues of great concern.

This is an excerpt from: From First Kicks to First Steps: Nurturing Your Babys Development from Pregnancy Through the First Year of Life, McGraw-Hill, 2004, p. 284

Have you ever noticed newborns in car seats with their heads all the way over to one side? Have you ever wondered what it was doing to their necks?

An important study in the September 2001 issue of Pediatrics measured how well newborns breathe in car seats. The researchers compared 50 healthy, slightly preterm babies (born at 35-36 weeks) to 50 healthy term newborns. Surprisingly, the amount of oxygen in the blood (and getting to the brain) declined in all of the babies in both groups as they rode in their car seats.

The lowered oxygen levels were significant but not dangerous for most children. Among the premature babies, 12% had periods of apnea (absent breathing) or bradycardia (depressed heart rate), accompanied with significantly decreased oxygen levels (this would endanger about 20,000 near-term babies in the US each year).

Conclusions?

This study supports the American Academy of Pediatrics’ too-seldom-followed recommendation that all preterm babies be observed in a car seat for fit and for breathing stability before discharge from the hospital. The findings also suggest that car travel be minimized for all babies (and especially preterm babies) before they are able to support their heads.

Car seats and baby swings have become convenient spots for babies between car trips. Likewise, extended non-travel use of these seats should be discouraged until the babies are able to support their heads.