And no matter how hard it is, remember…

Tip 6. This Too Shall Pass

Our kids are only little for such a short period of time. It isn’t always easy dealing with night wakings or sleep deprivation and I know it is frustrating for a lot of parents. I think it is important though to realize that it will pass, things will get better. You do not need to teach your child to self-soothe using cry it out. Your child will learn that skill with time on their own. In the meantime, if these tips are not working and you are frustrated, get some help. Certainly spouses/partners should help each other and find a way to share nighttime parenting wherever possible. Beyond that, find someone that can help you out during the day so that you can take a long nap when things are really rough.

I’d love your questions, comments, and suggestions on the topic of gentle ways to get baby and toddler to sleep. You can find additional tips on my original article – Gentle Baby and Toddler Sleep Tips.

Many parents struggle with getting their toddlers to sleep. It not only impacts the toddler, but mom, dad, and other siblings. I do not consider my children’s sleep to be a problem. That doesn’t mean that they never wake up and it doesn’t mean that there are not tough nights here and there, but on the whole I get enough rest and my kids get enough rest.

Over the next five days I’d like to share tips for getting babies and toddler to sleep better without using the cry it out approach.  There are additional tips and resources in the original article from which this was excerpted, but let’s get started here and please chime in with your questions, comments, and suggestions for gentle ways to get babies and toddlers to sleep.

Tip 1. Calming Bedtime Routine

Children need time to calm down and prepare for sleep. Having a consistent bedtime routine can be useful in giving the child cues that sleep time is coming. There are likely things that you do each night before bed, such as putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, reading bedtime story, nursing or rocking, and so on. Try to do those things in the same order to help your child understand what is coming next and learn to calm down through that process. You may also want to have a few routines that you alternate. For example, one routine for bath night and another one for other nights. One for weekdays and one for weekends. One that involves Daddy and one that involves Mommy. Having these alternate routines can help keep things smooth on nights when things need to change up a bit (e.g. one parent isn’t there, you are visiting friends, a favourite book is missing, etc.) Also, create a calming environment during the bedtime routine. For example, turn off any bright lights (dimmers are great), television, and loud noises at least an hour before bedtime (ideally no television in several hours leading up to bedtime if you allow television at all). Consider building a massage into your bedtime routine.

By phdinparenting – Excerpted from Gentle Baby and Toddler Sleep Tips

The U.S. Consumer Products Safety Commission and the JPMA have launched a new national safety campaign urging parents not to ever bring babies to sleep with them, but to always put them to sleep in cribs that meet current safety standards. (Note: the JPMA is the Juvenile Products Manufacturer Association – the association for crib manufacturers). This warning was issued because a total of 180 children (out of more than 12 million in the age range) died in an adult bed during the three years studied. This is certainly tragic. BUT, during the same period, many thousands died in cribs! I can see no justification for warning parents never to sleep with their kids!

Which is really safer? The only way to know is to learn how many kids sleep where, and for how long — statistics we just don’t have yet. But we do know a lot about the kids who die.

A recent review of all the SIDS cases in Alaska over a period of six years was published in the October 2001 issue of Pediatrics. It was consistent with previous studies. Far more important than where a child slept was the sleeping position and the parents use of tobacco, alcohol, antihistamines, or other drugs. During 6 years, 130 children died of SIDS. Only 2 children died face up in a crib; only one died face up in bed with a non-drug-using parent on a non-water mattress. Fully 98 percent of cases were associated with other risk factors.

In May 2002 the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission announced their major campaign to reach new and expectant parents, day care centers, hospitals, medical facilities, and retail outlets with their message to use cribs, and never to sleep with a baby. The announcement was made at a press conference at the annual International Juvenile Products Show in Dallas, Texas. I called the CPSC to see if there was any science or reason for their promotion. They offered none. What a disservice to parents — especially in light of what the CPSC calls their “significantly limited monetary and staff resources”. Instead of spending so much on a recommendation without a shred of proof, I wish their efforts had targeted the other 98 percent of SIDS cases.

Parents who choose to sleep with their babies (a wonderful choice for many families) should be taught how to do it safely. Anything that makes parents more difficult to wake up or anything that hinders babies’ ability to breathe should be avoided.

Babies are safer sleeping next to someone who is aware of their presence and easily awoken. Usually, this is the mother. Fathers, siblings, and babysitters do not tend to wake up as easily when needed, though there are exceptions.

Whoever you are, don’t sleep with a baby if you are taking something (alcohol, antihistamines, or other drugs) that makes you less aware of the baby when you sleep. The same holds true if you are so sleep-deprived that you would have difficulty waking up if the baby were in need.

Tobacco smoke, adult obesity, over-bundling, excess bedding, waterbeds, couches, and chemical irritants (fragrances that might irritate a baby’s nose and clog the air passages) could all make breathing dangerously difficult for babies.

Teaching babies to sleep in their own cribs is a good option for some families; sleeping with their babies is a good option for others. Many babies sleep in a crib most of the night, and then join the parents after the last feeding for some snuggle and sleep time together before starting the day.

Whatever arrangement you choose, enjoy these unrepeatable months when your child is a baby, and learn what you can about what helps you and your baby to thrive.

Many families throughout history have chosen a “family bed.” In fact, in most cultures around the world today, a “family bed” is the norm. If that is a family’s choice, it can work very well. However, having a “family bed” is not for everyone. It also works well to teach children to sleep in their own beds. Here are some tips on how to help children sleep in their own beds:

It does not work well to tell children to sleep in their bed and then relent when they act up. This only teaches them that their persistence will be rewarded with a trip to your bed.

The best approach is to discover the underlying cause or causes for your child’s behavior. At some level, your child knows why she doesn’t want to sleep in her own bed, even if she isn’t able to articulate what she is feeling. If you ask her outright what she is feeling, you may not get any valuable information.

A great way of discovering what your child is feeling is to play with her using dolls or action figures to represent members of a family. Have the characters act out several typical family situations: mealtime, going to the park, driving in the car, etc. Enact several of these non-threatening situations, and let your child put words into the figures’ mouths. When you get to bedtime, if your child is hesitant to talk, you can try speaking for the characters. If your child has gotten into the play, she will correct you if you give the characters motivations that are inaccurate from her perspective.

Another approach is to encourage your child to color or paint while she tells you about what she is creating. Be sure to allow her lots of time to open up and don’t react negatively if she says something you don’t want to hear.

The things you are most likely to find are: your child has night time fears, i.e. she is afraid of the dark, being alone, closet monsters, etc.; she is jealous of one parent or a sibling; she is afraid of losing your affection if she “grows up”; or some variation of one or more of these.

If your child is suffering from night time fears, give her tools that empower her to overcome her fears:

• Give her a flashlight to play with (especially during the day in a darkened room) to help overcome fear of the dark.
• Give her a spray bottle filled with “monster spray” so she can shoot the monsters if they come out.
• Record a tape of her favorite stories and songs that she can turn on whenever she is feeling alone or afraid (it is best if the recording is of your voice).
• Give her a stuffed animal as big as she is to sleep with.
• Ask her for suggestions.

If the primary reason your child wants to sleep with you is night time fears, you should be able to switch her into her own bed as soon as she has the tools to cope with her fears.

If you discover that your child is jealous of one parent or a sibling, evaluate the situation and determine if she has reason to be jealous. If she has a younger sibling who is getting most of your attention during the day, she may feel the only time she “gets you” is at night. The best way you can help overcome her jealously is to pay special attention to her when she is not asking for it.

If your child reveals that she is afraid that she will lose your affection when she grows up, take stock of what you are communicating to her regarding growing up. You may inadvertently be sending her the message that you want her to stay a baby. If this is the case, consider how you can change her feelings by the way you communicate with her.

You will need to take some time for your child’s feelings to change before you can move her into her own bed. When you do, you may need to make the change in several stages. The first few nights, she might sleep on the floor beside your bed. The next move might be right outside your door, then into her own bed. The large stuffed animal or the tape recording of your voice may help ease the transition.