Potty Struggles

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Q

My 4-year-old daughter will not, in any way shape or form, poop on the potty. She will hold it as long as she has to and will only go in a diaper. Her poops are soft. Is it defiance? Nothing has worked, not even disciplining her.

drgreene

The way to move from diaper to potty for most strongly resistant kids is with little tiny steps--especially when there has already been so much emotional energy, pressure, and discipline involved. Take care to make every step an act of the two of you agreeing and cooperating.

If, for example, your child is happy using the diaper, the first small step is to get her using the diaper in the bathroom. Next, get her to use the diaper in the bathroom sitting down; it could be on the edge of the bathtub, on a chair, or on the floor. The goal is to encourage her to sit. If you push too hard, she will resist. You cannot force progress on this one--she will not have to poop on a potty until she wants to.

With younger kids and other issues, you can just make things happen. For example, if she was fussy and you needed to leave, you could just pick her up and go. Or if she were hitting someone, you could give her a time out. But here, force and punishments do not work. In fact, they only make things worse. The challenge at hand is to learn to engage cooperation.

Reviewed By: 
Khanh-Van Le-Bucklin M.D. & Stephanie D'Augustine M.D.
Last Reviewed: 
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Comments

Anonymous's picture
Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 2011-03-14 14:53.

Absolutely refuses to poop on the potty

I have a now 4 year old boy who absolutely refuses to poop on the potty. He is capable of urinating on command, and will tell me when he needs to urinate as long as he isn't involved in something interesting. But when it comes to poop, it has been a fight from the start! The feel of nasty, dirty pull-ups, foul underwear, nothing phases him! Whenever the urge hits, he hides or refuses to finish in the toilet. He is absolutely in control and is extremely strong-willed. HELP!

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Anonymous's picture
Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 2011-03-15 17:29.

Poop in the potty

Have you tried doing it in the toilet and forgetting about the potty? Maybe he associates the potty with being a baby and wants the toilet instead. That's how my son did it. Also, I know a friend of mine would leave her son in diapers only - not pull-ups and would cut a hole in the diaper so they could poop wearing it while on the toilet. It was one step in the right direction and eventually got her son to do it in the toilet properly. I am not a fan of bribing, but some people give Hot Wheels for each successful bowel movement. Go for it if you can afford it. I hear it works wonders with the right personality. My son has no 'currency', not even treats so we don't use bribes at all. Do whatever works. Get creative if you have to. I would also be careful you don't get angry or mad at your son for his behaviour, as difficult as it may be. Kids are trying to control what they can and their bowel movements are one of many they hold on to as long as they can. Just encourage him, try not to humiliate and hurt his self-esteem. Try to get a friend who is going regularly to come over and encourage him. Maybe a teacher or mother of a friend can help. Sometimes we push too hard and they just need to hear it from someone else who is less frustrated than we are. We used to dance afterwards, literally. Get a camera, take a picture of everyone having fun and send it to Grandma, a real treat that only happens when he does it. Best of luck!
Anonymous's picture
Submitted by Anonymous on Sat, 2010-07-24 02:06.

What about spanking children

I am currently deployed oversee, my wife and I have to lovely children, my son is in his terrible two phase, he is kicking, screaming, hitting and even spat on my wife, so how does she go about handling this situation. I usually spank my children, when they misbehave my wife, on the other hand won't hit them, because, she was abused as a child and doesn't want to repeat that.....So again how do we handle this situation.