Recognizing Sexual Abuse

How can I recognize sexual abuse if it happened to my three-and-a-half-year-old daughter? About a month ago she told me a friend of ours touched her vagina. Since that time she has said nothing else and on gentle questioning she said it did not happen. There are no behavioral changes and her behavior towards the man in question has not changed at all. They’ve always had great times together. I have no idea why she said this and my feeling is that it is completely innocent. She is also at the stage where she is very interested in what a penis is and what a vagina is – she occasionally can be found on the floor probing her vagina. But, is there anything I should be concerned about and how do I recognize real abuse of a child?
Palo Alto, California

Recognizing Sexual Abuse

Dr. Greene’s Answer:

Some of the most poignant episodes of my pediatric training were long visits with children victimized by sexual abuse. I vividly remember sitting with tears streaming down my face after hearing how children had been scarred by those they trusted.

How sad that we need to be discussing this subject for a three-and-a-half-year-old! Unfortunately, there is no age at which a child is exempt from sexual abuse. About one third of cases occur in kids younger than six years of age, about one third in children ages six to twelve, and one third in children ages twelve to eighteen.

Sexual abuse includes any activity with a child for the sexual gratification of an adult or significantly older child (more than about 4 years older). Children’s intense need for affection and nurturance from older figures makes them vulnerable. Adults and older children hold a position of tremendous power in their lives. It is the abuse of this power, and the abuse of children’s trust, that is so damaging.

Sexual abuse falls into three different categories:

  1. molestation, which is defined as the touching or fondling of the genitals of a child, or asking a child to touch or fondle an adult’s genitals, or using a child to enhance pleasure from sexual acts or pornography;
  2. sexual intercourse, which includes vaginal, oral, or rectal penetration;
  3. rape.

Most abuse begins with innocent physical contact. A needy adult then makes this a routine. Once a routine is developed, it is not uncommon to progress to intercourse.

The most common perpetrator of sexual abuse is either a family member or a close friend of the family. Sexual abuse by a stranger is quite uncommon.

Sexual abuse commonly comes to light through the child’s disclosing the incident of sexual contact to a trusted adult. Historically, a child’s word was not taken seriously. Over the last twenty years the pendulum swung to the opposite extreme; if a child described sexual contact it was considered a fact, and the volunteering of such information was considered very strong legal evidence. Recently, the pendulum has returned to a more balanced position: take it very seriously whenever a child mentions sexual contact, but understand that not everything said necessarily mirrors physical reality.

The best way to clarify a situation such as you have described is to have your child examined by a sexual abuse specialist in. Most children’s hospitals have a sexual abuse team, or will be able to refer you to a specialist in your area. (The two hospitals that offer this service in your area are Santa Clara Valley Medical Center in San Jose and the Keller Center at San Mateo Medical Center.)

A sexual abuse examination is comprised of two basic elements. First, and perhaps most important, your daughter would be interviewed by an expert who very gently elicits information from her about what might have happened. Efforts are made to minimize the number of times a child has to tell the story and the number of people visibly present during the interview. The interviewer will let your daughter set the pace and will use pictures or dolls to draw her out, without suggesting to her what might have occurred.

This is generally followed by a physical examination of the external genitals, checking for any sign of trauma, laxity, or discharge. Sometimes this will be done with magnification, using an instrument called a colposcope. Note that a physical examination cannot in and of itself confirm or rule out sexual abuse. In at least half of the cases of child abuse that are confessed by the abuser, there are no findings on physical exam.

Children who have actually been abused will often recant their initial statement because they are afraid of their abuser or because their abuser convinces them that this is “their little secret.” And, children who have never been sexually abused will, based on normal child development, go through phases of curiosity and misunderstandings about their genitals and about sexual activity.

Several clues are associated with sexual abuse as opposed to normal development (but many children give no clues except what they say):

  • Genital infections, redness, or discharge
  • Burning with urination
  • Urinary tract infection
  • The new onset of either bed-wetting or stool problems
  • Sudden increased sexuality with peers, animals, or objects
  • Seductive behavior
  • Age-inappropriate sexual knowledge
  • Regression
  • Other dramatic behavior changes

Hopefully, nothing significant happened to your little girl, but if my daughter came to me with the same story I would not let the situation go uninvestigated. The scenario you have described is the most frequent way actual abuse is detected.

Whatever turns out to be true, we must prepare our children to protect themselves against sexual abuse. Begin by teaching them the proper names and significance of their private parts as soon as they are able to understand (about age 3). Then they will be ready to understand the three key messages:

  1. Say no if somebody tries to touch your nipples, rectum, or genitals.
  2. Tell a trusted adult if someone tries to touch you.
  3. Don’t keep secrets — If somebody tells you to keep a secret, let your parents know right away.

 

Dr. Alan Greene

Dr. Greene is the founder of DrGreene.com (cited by the AMA as “the pioneer physician Web site”), a practicing pediatrician, father of four, & author of Raising Baby Green & Feeding Baby Green. He appears frequently in the media including such venues as the The New York Times, the TODAY Show, Good Morning America, & the Dr. Oz Show.

  1. Kim

    I have a 17 month old son that doesn’t like his bottom being touched and hates being changed and taking baths. He also clenches his bottom when I try to wash him there. Can you please tell me if he is being abused? I don’t know what else to do. He can’t talk. I’m desperate for answers. i’m trying to buy a nanny cam but I can’t get over this fear that the caregiver will find out about it and I will never know about the abuse.

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  2. Jazzmen Jagers

    My daughter just turned 4 she has a cousin who comes over on the weekends who is also 4. My daughter watches a lot of unsupervised youtube because I can’t seem to keep her off of it. but she likes a rapper on youtube she pretends it her boyfriend when she plays alone or with her cousin, I have never caught her doing anything inappropriate till today when I asked what was she pretending she said having sex but its just pretend shes not really doing it, I don’t know what to say or I keep expecting someone is doing something to my child but I don’t know who and she says nothing is going on. Maybe I’m paranoid or maybe shes seen something on youtube but I don’t wanna be right.

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  3. Largo

    My kids (9 year old son, 7 year old daughter) told me today that the little girl next door has been acting out sexually while they are playing together in our yard. She just turned 8 and has various developmental delays, FWIW. Anyway, they said she talks a lot about a boyfriend named __, pretends to kiss him on the mouth while gyrating her hips, and talks about sex and being naked together. For example, she will be wrapped up in the hammock and one of the kids will yank one side open and she will gasp & say, “Don’t come in the bedroom, __ and I are naked!” She inserts these “moments” randomly and unexpectedly into whatever game they are playing. I know kids are curious, etc. and don’t want to overreact, but this does not seem normal to me. I have chastised her before for making sexually explicit remarks and invitations to my kids (do you want to touch my V? pull down your pants, etc.), but I thought it was just the results of a poor upbringing, that she had seen something on TV or in a video game. (She has no restrictions. Her parents are divorced but live together. Her mother changes boyfriends frequently, lets them sleep over, pick the kids up, etc.) Now I am not so sure there isn’t more going on. I don’t want to poke the bear, but I also don’t want to look the other way. Is this normal or cause for concern?

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    • Sarah

      Seriously?! How many red flags do u need and why are u even considering NOT reporting this. How many 8 yr olds do u know who talk about being naked in bed with a boyfriend. How many 8 yr olds do u know that use sexually explicit language. By being aware of this knowledge u are as complicit as the abuser for not reporting and shame on you.

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  4. Trishell

    I have three daughters all different ages and a husband who is their step father. Over a few years he has “accidentally” such as playing around rough housing or hiding form them touched them. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and am not sure on what part of me to trust as to what is normal or not in this situation. I run form everything and all around he is a big part of the children’s life and helps out and is an active step father. My girls tell me they feel safe around him and secure. I am just asking if accidental touching of breast with a hug or tickling then landing on the wrong spot is normal life or not?

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    • Wisdom

      That is not a very normal so I would say you should have a talk with your kids away from him and talk to them and make sure they are not a victim of incest…..💯😘😘

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      • juanita

        Thats right but some moms dont care just as my ,mom

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  5. angelbaby

    My 3yo niece randomly blurted out while watching scooby doo that a friend “licked her butt”. I asked her to say it again cause i couldnt hear her & she said, “K**** licked her butt”. I text mom & she didnt seem too alarmed. A couple days later my niece was with me again & she randomly blurted out , “K**** tongue kisses me”. I didnt question cause I dont want to plant things in her head. Later on that night I was talking with my niece who just turned 3 in March &she said she wanted to come live with auntie. I asked her why & she said with a sad look on her face “cause mommy scares me”. I asked why &she said ” I dont know auntie she just scares me”. Ive noticed changes in niece -she was potty trained during day then mom was putting pull ups on her again. At night she will wake up screaming from nitemares. She asked if she could live with me. I find it hard to believe a 3yo would put lick & butt in same sentance &say tongue kiss. Any advice is helpful I want to keep her. Mom is 23 & dad is 23 & not involved. Cps got involved 2 months ago cause somebody called & complained but case was dismissed. Please help I cant let her go back

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    • Christina

      My only advice in this situation would be to return the child and stay in the family’s company for a few hours. If you still have concerns then report them. If you do however then you need to be prepared she’ll unlucky be homed with you and would usually be taken in foster care so perhaps bear that in mind.

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  6. Kim

    Is it fine for a 34 yr old Father to play with his naked 5 months old baby girl?

    He was not changing her diaper, nor bathing her.

    I do not know if the Dad had any clothes on, when I saw the picture of her naked, because the Dad was not in the picture.

    Thank you.

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    • Christina

      So you’re going off the basis of one photograph who you know was or wasn’t taking the picture? Do you even know if the picture was taken in the company of the father?

      If it puts your mind at ease then you report your concerns anonymously to local Social or Child Services who should then investigate.

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    • Krista

      I think that an opinion like that would have to vary depending on the person (father). When my daughter was a baby she spent a lot of her time naked! And her father and I would hold ger play with her still. By no means was there ever ANYTHING REMOTELY inappropriate happening in our household. I fact even when we would take her to my dad and his gf’s house we would strip her down to nothing and place her on a blanket in front of the fireplace to relax. Diapers can not be comfortable and my daughter loved her naked moments, but again this was never an inappropriate or uncomfortable thing for anyone in our home. Other homes and all people are different so if something seems off I suggest observing and being aware, but not paranoid to a point your brain starts playing tricks on you and seeing things in a way they are not.

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  7. Yvonne

    My daughter is 20months and we live with my mother and her husband until our roof gets fixed. Lately I’ve noticed that he kisses her more than 5 times in an hour and 2 days ago he kissed her on her cheek,so I thought, and when I picked her up her ear was wet. Yesterday he was holding her and I saw him put her ear in his mouth and I yelled at him not to do that. I don’t think I am overreacting but my mom seems to think I am. He’s too touchy feely for me and I’m starting to think I should just not let anyone kiss her on her cheeks, hug her or even pick her up. I was molested as a child by an older cousin and I don’t want to go to jail for harming him if it’s really nothing. I don’t believe any man should have a little girls ear in his mouth at no time. I don’t know what to do.

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    • Jessica

      Yvonne, You are right trust your instincts!! I wouldn’t let that man be around my daughter. Completely inappropriate and disgusting!

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      • JustMe

        I wouldn’t let him near her either!! I had alcoholic parents and was not supervised hardly at all. I was molested around the age of 4 till about 5 or so by the nasty old guy who rented our garage from my father (he converted it into a 1 room apartment). I remember him giving me a lot of change and telling me not to tell anyone. After he moved out a few years later and I got older, I realized what happened to me…and the feelings inside me were horrible…still are to some degree! I’m sure you know what I’m talking about since you stated you were also molested. I’m 44 now and it still affects me, even though I have been with the same husband for 26 years! Sometimes sex just grosses me out altogether and then it becomes a chore for me.

        Around age 10, there was a man who I thought just really liked kids and wanted to help build me and my friends a treehouse in the ball field we hung out at. One time he was peeing in a dug out, and being a stupid kid like a lot of kids are, my friend says “turn around, turn around.” I didn’t think he would, but he did! I had weird feelings about him after that and I never saw him again. Around that same year, I had a man drive past me at an intersection and he lifted himself up and shook his penis at me!!! I also had a man try to “ask me if I needed a ride”…I was barely 11…no man does that unless he has bad intentions. I told him to eff off and picked up a rock…he drove off. Around the same age, I had older teen guys try to touch me…when I look back now, I think…what 17/18-year-old has an interest in an 11-year-old…so gross. I was also molested by another kid who was closer to my age and did it while I was sleeping (or he thought I was sleeping anyway…I was too freaked out to move, though). I was pretty much molested my entire childhood!!

        By the time I was 12 I was smoking marijuana, smoking cigarettes, and by the time I was 15 I was drinking alcohol, sexually promiscuous, I was a rebel, always fighting, always in trouble, and tried the patience of every adult around me! I was an asshole – I just didn’t give two shits about anything. I hated everyone and everything…and I have a sneaking suspicion it was due to the molestation.

        At the age of 16, I left my sister’s home (she was raising me from age 12 due to my parents being a mess) and moved in with my best friend, her sister, and their father. He said as long as I was attending school I could stay there. I entered beauty school and my BFF and her sister went to medical assisting school. I had no school on Mondays and as I lay sleeping one morning, their father came in the room and laid behind me! I panicked and hauled tail out the door in nothing but a t-shirt and underwear. I went to a neighbor’s house and called my BFF and her sister to come get me and take me back to my sister’s house. I also had another friend’s father put his arm around me when I went to her house to see if she was home. He had never paid much attention to me in all the years I had been friends with her, but I had also never been alone around him before, so I knew what he was going to try… I told him my sister was waiting in the car and I went out the door quick. I can only thank God I met my husband at 17 and we had our first son at 19…that is when I finally began healing. I often say my life never really started until I met my husband. He is when my good memories of my past start, and my younger days are dark and bleak to me. I often suffer with depression and take medication for it. I hate relying on meds, but I refuse to be unhappy around my kids. I also have anxiety. If one little thing is going wrong, I get all anxious and sick to my stomach. I won’t take anything for that, though, because the meds they give you are usually barbiturates and/or narcotics – being in the medical field…I’m not touching those, no thanks!

        I tell you all of this because a lot of people like to think most men are good. I’m here to tell you that most are not!!! They are creeps, scums, and led by their dirty, nasty thoughts and their penises. Makes me sick. I am certainly not saying all men…but a lot are creepers! So please, please keep your eye on your daughter at all times! I don’t let my kids do sleepovers unless I have known the family for a few years…and even then I try to get the kids to stay at our house. I know it’s because of what happened to me, and I refuse to let anything happen to my kids. I will kill someone, not even joking – I would kill them with my bare hands! No one will ever make my kids feel the way I did (and again, still do). I effing hate pedaphiles. I hate them more than you can imagine! I wish they would all die painful deaths!

        Again, please use caution, even if you later have a boy, watch him like a hawk, too…it’s so detrimental to their mental well-being. It’s unfortunate, but it’s the world we live in. I think I am lucky that maybe I’m just tough…but not everyone is. I still suffer…I just suffer silently. But weaker people tend to turn to drugs and alcohol, maybe even prostitution. I have learned to just push all the bad stuff that has happened to me to the side and leave it there…because after all, I have to remind myself of how very fortunate I am today to have a great husband and awesome children! I wish you the best!!

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        • Christina

          I’m actually more concerned at your thought process more so than being angry at your post. Your comments about “you being tough where as others aren’t they’re just “weaker” people, who turn to drugs and alcohol”! You may well be a tough person but you’re also terribly rude one for saying such a thing. Turning to such vices doesn’t make you a weak person. Failing to understand others in our society and having a lack of compassion is what most would deem as a weak person! It pushing your feelings away works for you then good luck to you and hope your past and emotions don’t ever creep up on you, years from now!

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          • Valerie

            Amen to that!! Wow, if our stories couldn’t be twins in several ways! Different in ways I don’t want to talk about 🙄 many blessings

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        • Krista

          I’m sorry for ur horrible childhood but people who turn to drugs srx or alcohol prostitution or WHATEVER are no weaker because of their method of coping. Millions of Americans or people throughout the entire world people from all walks of life suffer with addiction. It’s people like u who are disgustingly judgmental who I often find are naive and uneducated. I’m not judging you because I have never lived a day in your shoes and you may want to find it within ur self to consider a more understanding and compassionate way of viewing the struggles and coping methods of others. Especially if you are in the medical field. So I say to you…GOOD LUCK!!!

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  8. Kelly

    Is it possible for my 12 yr old daughter to be geting molested but actually liking it and thinking its ok. I know that sounds bad but ive talked to her several times and she reassured me nothings going on. She did however reveal some msgs between them and some pictures. He asked her to take a picture of her standing on her toes and arching her feet, then asked her to suck her toes, another pic of her with her mouth open, and one with her tongue sticking out. Her pics she sent werent sexual looking they looked goofy bc she didnt know any better. He knew it was wrong bc he told her to make sure she erased the messages. She lied and never erased them. I have confronted him and he said he was drunk and in a bad state of mind. I had kicked him out during that time and he was very upset and did it out of spite in his own fucked up way of reasoning. I was livid but i eventually let it go bc we have a 8mos daughter together and he makes most of the money. My 12 yr old now 13 daughter doesnt live with us, her grand mother has custody. I live very close though. She seemed to be ok about it so i tried to forget about it. So never brought it to anyones attention. Now ive noticed little things about her behavior with him. Shes always wanting to hang out alone with him. And the other day they were on the couch and she had a blanket draped over them and i swear she was touching his penis under the covers. They both always jump when i pop up or sneak up on them. Im constantly trying to catch them in the act. I know deep down something is going on. Im driving myself mad though. I try to talk to her but she denys it. And when i confront my boyfriend he denys it and tells me im paranoid. I have no idea what im doing.

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    • Katia Simic

      [Edited for tone*]
      Which normal person would asks from 12 year old to send those kind of photos?!! She doesn’t know what she likes, he groomed her! If you have suspicion act upon it.

      *Editors note: Some readers react emotionally to comments. If the reaction may be harmful to other readers we may edit them for tone, while leaving the original meaning.

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    • Emma

      My granddaughter is 24 months and since her mother which is my daughter got with a man and married in two months my granddaughter has had sudden changes like clingy, screaming fits, not wanting her mother to be out of her sight. I noticed also when it comes to diaper change out of the question most times,the baby kicks,pulls hair, like she’s scared and she never did act like this before the new boyfriend now husband came into her life

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    • Sharon

      Stop trying .. use a small digital recorder on voice activate. . Words are enough.

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  9. Kristine

    A few weeks ago, my 6 year old daughter came to me and told me her 14 year old cousin “made her butt dirty”. I immediately had him removed from our home (he had stayed the previous night). My husband and I took her to the police station to file a report then went to our local childrens hospital. A CPS investigation began, they listed me as failure to protect and neglectful supervision. I felt as if I became the criminal for listing me as such. My nephew is 14, and was trusted up until that point. I should have been able to leave my child in his care if I was to run an errand, he is 14 after all. Ten days after the incident, my daughter had to undergo a forensic interview. After speaking with the detective and the counselors after the interview, they feel without a shadow of doubt, he hurt her. Now we are waiting on the lab to process the rape kit, FOR MY 6 YEAR OLD. Meanwhile, my nephew has been given free access to social media ( I have him blocked), taken out on family outings, been able to spend the night with friends etc. It absolutely makes me sick to my stomach that my family has been ripped apart by this 14 year old monster. I have to suffer in silence while we wait on results from the crime lab. I was told it could take months. There needs to be consequences to his actions and at this point NOTHING has been done. I am very frustrated, angry, sad and many other mixed emotions.

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  10. Momof4

    My son is 5 1/2 now. But it was over 2years ago that something happened. I don’t know the exact time it happened, but he told me when he broke his leg a year and a half ago (4) that a dinosaur in the apartment building bathroom told him that you pinch the peepee and he made a small pinching motion with his fingers. He wouldn’t say who he just said an animal figure of some kind. Is it common for an abuser to cover their face? I have never brought it up again because I hope he will forget it and we don’t live there anymore. Should I try asking him about it again now that he is older or have him see someone?

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  11. Lara

    I recently found out that my two year old touched my ten year olds (both girls) vagina. I found out through my two year old playing doctor and going to pull down her pants and we said oh no- clothes stay on and she informed us of her sister doing it. I asked my ten year old and after her melting down she admitted to it on two occasions pulling down her pants and allowing the two year old to touch her. She has other diagnoses but not I feel like my only option is to move her out of state to my mothers home for her to get help and be away from the younger children. I watch them all very closely and this still somehow happened. I am at a lost and feel guilt that I didn’t watch close enough apparently.

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    • Cash Cannella

      as well please do not blame yourself for not watching close enough I’m sure you were closer than most anybody ever has either way you should not ever try it concerning that topicw

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  12. Denise

    My daughter came to me her third year in college to tell me my husband sexually abused her when she was 12. I asked questions like what did he do, for how long and then got very mad. I confronted him and he looked and acted total shocked. The information she gave me was strange like for only two months and when she faked sleep one night he completely stopped. I also asked my other two daughters and both said he has never touched them every. When she comes home she always hugs him and even sits in his lap. I sent he to a mental doctor for over a year and I would have sent her for longer but she decided to quit going. And then everything was back to normal life for four years. Now all of a sudden she is telling me she just can’t keep living a double life. She has a boyfriend we don’t approve of but love her enough to let him in our life if he makes her happy. I am so confused on what to do. How do I know who is telling the truth. And why only one daughter and not the rest? And she feels that I am choosing him over her and is now accusing her sisters of doing the same.

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    • Lara

      What reason could she have to lie after so many years

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    • anonymous

      Most of the time someone who sexualy abuses a child doesn’t choose all of the chlidren, they normally only choose one.. but if it were me I would choose to belive my daughter

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  13. JOAN NORMAN

    I WAS IN HOSPITAL IN LONDON IN THE 1960’S I WAS IN THE ISOLTION WARD AND AT NIGHT THIS DOCTOR WOULD CAN IN AND HE NEEDED TO CHECK ME OVER ALTHOUGH I WAS 15YEARS AT THE TIME I CAME FROM SMALL VILLAGE OUT SIDE LONDON.
    HE USED TO TOUCH ME ALL OVER INCLUDING FINGERING ME BUT I WAS TO FRIGHTEN TO SAY ANYTHING AS I WAS TEENAGE AND HE WAS A DOCTOR. I THOUGHT THAT NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE ME. I MARRIED NEVER TOLD MY HUSBAND UNTIL AFTER MY MUM AND DAD DIED THEN I THOUGHT I COULD TALK ABOUT IT . I THEN SAW A COUNCILOR WHO SAID I HAD TO TELL HIM. ALTHOUGH ITS BEEN NEARLY 50YEARS I STILL CAN SEE HIM COMING IN MY ROOM AT NIGHT. I KNOW NOW I SHOULD HAVE REPORTED HIM.

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  14. Shazzamataz

    I recently did an all girls camp with girls aged between 7 & 13 years old. When i did my night check to make sure they were asleep & accounted for i discovered one of the 8 year olds lying outside her sleeping bag with her nightwear at her ankles & her teddy down her pants. She appeared to be asleep & i did not ask her but i did ask another female to witness it as i was sure it wasnt normal. I dont know the family very well but from what i fo know, they have 3 girls, 16, 13 & 8 the middle child is disabled, the mom is a manic depressive, the dad is very nervous all the time & has a creepy aura about him, im really torn as to what to do??? Help.

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    • Terry

      Report to parents and cps

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    • Katie

      Report it. My daughter was molested by her father and I have caught her going the same thing. Someone is hurting or has hurt that little girl.

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    • Emm

      You should report it but also consider this, it is not abnormal, no matter what anyone says, for children to discover their genitals give pleasurable sensations at an early age. Female children especially will learn as early as five that they can orgasm (usually by accident, or unintentionally) and once they have, will continue to do so.

      As most children know or realize this is not appropriate behavior (though they may not grasp why exactly) they will hide masturbation by doing it when alone or at night.

      Not to sound gross but there is also a good chance that she was dry humping her teddy bear and either fell asleep after climax or got tired during the process and fell asleep that way.

      I know it will upset a lot of people to read this but there are countless medical journals and confirmed science on this. Anyone with even a basic college level education on child psychology knows children will masturbate by age 10 quite often. (Not saying that you should have known, just saying in general.)

      Also, I am wondering how you would know that the mother is Manic Depressive (a term that has not been used since the late 80s/90s) as I don’t see why an all girls camp would have that information, or why it would even be relevant to whether or not the girl would have been molested or not. Same with the sister being disabled. Bipolar disorder and having a disabled are not indications for sexual abuse.

      You’re observations about the father are just that, observations. Maybe he is just an awkward guy who is kind of ugly?

      It’s very very smart to always report anything like this to protective services because you can never be too safe, but I’ll bet that it’s as simple as masturbation from self-discovered orgasm.

      The best thing to do would be to inform CPS, call the parents in/have the main camp official do so (or at least the mother if the dad creeps you out) and involve the child as well. It’s best NOT to shame the child, but based on the parents child rearing philosophy, suggest to them to tell her she should save private time for at home when she is in her room with the door closed, in bed or in the bathroom. (Unless they just don’t want her doing it period. IMHO that’s wrong, but they are the parents.) Then tell her that camp is not a private place.

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      • Katia Simic

        [Edited for tone]

        And what if the child is being abused? Doing this you will shame her and will not give her a chance to say if smth is happening. Report it to the police right away. Better safe then sorry

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  15. CD

    Today, my 6 year old daughter told my wife the following: “Guess who is Mr. X’s best buddy.” She asked, “Who?” My daughter replied, “Me.” My wife said, “How do you know?” My daughter said, “He hugs and kisses me on the cheek.” Mr. X is my daughter’s elementary school Principal. My daughter is at an age where she is telling many tall tales, making it very difficult to distinguish fact from fiction sometimes. But this, I don’t know. It’s very troubling and obviously crossing a line if true. At the same time, I don’t want to accuse anyone of something false. How should I approach this?

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  16. Carolyn

    My 29 year old daughter came to stay with me and she told me for the past two nights my husband has come in her room and put his hand in her pants or at least went that way. I am so disgusted and confused and don’t know how to handle this. I just need some advice.

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    • Nici

      Believe her for one and leave him for two (just because you cant fathom it doesnt mean it didnt or isnt happening and second go to tye police and a hospital hello, its not a hard choice your daughter or your husband in my book our kids come first shes 29 why would she lie?????)

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  17. jackson

    Hi I have a four 1/2 year old son that stays with family a grandma, aunt, uncle, and three other small children ages 1, 2, and 3 all girls while me and my husband are working him and his 3 year old cousin got caught kissing one day outside seemed pretty innocent nothing extreme me and my husband had a talk with him explaining to him that was wrong and why it was wrong then today my mother and sister in law inform me he’s been trying to make his cousin get under the covers with him and take her pants off so he can see her ouies also he asked the two year old to lift her dress in front of him I have three other children in my home two girls 6 and 7 and a 10 year old son they have never behaved this way only my four year old I asked him where he learned this from and he just says he doesn’t know and he’s never done this at home only when I’m at work I’m being informed of this behavior does this just sound like curiosity or could something have happened to my child I’m very worried and don’t know what to do

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    • jackson

      I’ve also asked him if anyone has done anything like that to him or if he’s seen anyone do that and all he says is no so I’m very confused seems like he’s had to of seen that somewhere in order to do it himself seeing that he’s only 4 1/2 years old

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    • new mom

      I was the little girl who did the same thing as a young child my uncle had touched me and made me do things to him. I told my mom and she didn’t believe me so it continued for a long time. In fact she didn’t mention nothing until this year and I’m 28. But the damage is done and I was very curious at that age with my best friend. I would at least look into it.

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  18. Audrey Shea

    I have two daughters one is 21 and my other daughter is 17. When my children were 5 and a bit over a year my husband and I got divorced. My ex husband owns a home and his uncle lives alone in the apartment downstairs. My 21 year old daughter does not like to be held or to snuggle with her boyfriend anymore. My 17 year old daughter is the same way. Recently my 21 year old daughter split up with her boyfriend of 4 years due to the stress of not wanting to be touched. Both of my children remember going down to see my husbands uncle when my husband had our daughters for the weekend. The only thing either one of my children can remember is candy and nothing else. Not one memory. Is it possible for a young child to not remember anything regarding sexual abuse yet relationships suffer because neither one of my children like to be touched by boyfriends holding hands seems to be difficult for my 21 year old. I am looking at this scenario because I was almost raped by the uncle myself after my divorce. I told my ex husband repeatedly not to let the girls go downstairs. He continued to allow them to go. Is it possible for both my children to have been abused by this man but not remember anything except for getting candy. Now that they are older they don’t visit their father often because they feel uncomfortable when the uncle is home. My daughter has made arrangements to see a therapist but I am not sure how to really help both of my daughters. I found out 4 weeks ago that my step daughter was molested by her brother for 5 years. He also molested one of my daughters. He was two years older at the time. My daughter was 5 and he was 7. My daughter had just begun to really start to work on her therapy but the therapist who she was doing so well with left the practice. I found out as I said that my stepson was milesting his sister for 5 years. I told my husband and I don’t think he knows what to do at this point. He has not confronted his son yet. His daughter still is living in the same house. Neither of my daughters want to tell me what he did to them. Can my children suppress horrible memories for a very long time? I feel terrible as for everyone involved.

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    • teddybear

      Yes it is common for young children to repress memories of painful events. It’s a protection mechanism and these memories often return after a traumatic or triggering event as an adult.

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    • Elise

      Look up “Dissociation.” That’s also very likely, especially if this went on for a while. This is not something to take lightly. BOTH of your daughters should probably see qualified psychotherapists because it’s likely that if they were abused, it will continue to affect them for years to come, if not forever. Dissociating helps people avoid experiencing the here and now as it is happening but it is very harmful in the larger picture. The good news is that they can get help. I’d leave your husband out of it for now. Just be there for your daughters; that’s what is most important now.

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    • Katia Simic

      Yes they can suppress and probably they will. But probably your stepson was abused as well. He just did what he has been thought. There is someone in your family who is adult and a peadophile.

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  19. Liz

    What to do? My daugther 4yrs old taking a bath by my mother told that her vagina is irritated then blames her grandfather because he touched her vagina she said.my mother got curious but ignores it but in the afternoon her grandfather came she said he touched my vagina.its the time that we got nervous that its true so that night we confront him if its true…he got mad and badmouthed us.we ask again my daugther she said while we are all asleep.he.taking off her diaper and touch her private part and she refuse she told us.after the confrontation hes very angry and get all he’s clothes and leave..im so worried now.i dont know what to do or where to seek help..please help

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    • noneya

      If that’s a true story, what you do IS CALL THE POLICE and report him. They will figure out by examining her if he is molesting her… why would anyone mother or parent, or adult, not take it extremely serious if a baby tells you that??? I would definitely believe my child, and I would protect them 100% as well. Let her sleep in your room for a while, stay with her all the time and NEVER allow that grandfather around her ever again, ever!!! Never shrug off something that major, when they try and tell you if you don’t listen it will continue until he rapes her, if he’s hasn’t already. Your being a neglectful parent by knowing it may be happening and not doing amything, even if your not sure! Your as bad as the abuser if you don’t stop it… its out job as their parents to protect them. No matter how hard or weird it may be to confront the abuser for fear that your wromg and will hurt the person they are accusing, you need to have the child’s best interest number one concern. Abusers count on you not believing the little child and that’s one reason they prey on them. STOP HIM AND HELP YOUR DAUGHTER. SHE’S DEFENSELESS AND YOU ARE HER ONLY HOPE

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      • cynthia Dutra

        Omg! I pray for this lil girl. Please, CALL THE POLICE NOW, [redacted]. Poor lil girl.

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      • Sally

        YES!! Every single person on here should read your message and take your advice. Including the person that started this message thread. Everyone seems doubtful. What’s wrong with you people! Protect your children!!!!!

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        • Katia Simic

          Report him!!! My father molested me for years but he never wanted to admit. He would became very defensive and angry, telling me I am crazy!
          Did your dad ever abused you and you suppressed it? Any clues?
          You need to protect your child!!!

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      • Krys

        Thank you so much for saying this. Sometimes people need to have it broken down like this. You’re right, if she does nothing he will rape her. I told my mom about my step dad and the things he did to me. She confronted him and he said he was confused and thought I was my mom! Really? I was 10. He was 36. He was confused and my mom believed him? No, she was a coward and didn’t protect me. The touching continued after that until the night he raped me. I was 11. That continued until I started my period at 13. He just stopped. I never told my mother anything else. There was no point…she didn’t want to believe it and wouldn’t help me anyway. Now I’m a 36yo woman with children of my own. If my boys were to tell me someone did this to them…the person would be dead. No police, just dead. I worked in a men’s prison 11yrs. Child molesters get protective custody and parole eventually. I would kill for my boys.

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    • Jen

      Did you ever report this? Go to the police and visit a children’s advocacy center.

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  20. Shannon

    Hi,
    I really need some advice. I have twin 3 year old boys who go to their fathers house every other weekend. When their father comes to pick them up they scream and beg me not to let them go. It has always broken my heart but instead of them getting use to go every other weekend with dad they still protest. My one son I noticed always came back constipated from the time he was one. I would have to use miralax and suppositories just to get him to go again. This past month I noticed him really struggling and avoiding going all together. I didn’t think anything of it until when I was at work one day my mom text me that one of my sons confided in telling her that daddy licks my butt, my mom told him that if anyone does that it’s is because they are doing something wrong. I was in shock but thought maybe he got confused with his dad using a form of laxative. I decided to let it go until he brought it up to me again as we were painting, he said mommy daddy licks my butt and that is bad I don’t want to see him any more. The next night after reading a bedtime story he brought it up again, I asked him did daddy do anything else? He said yes mommy he put his peepee in my mouth and it tasted really bad and he peed on me. I told him that is bad if anyone stuck anything in his mouth. He said I told him to stop but he hit me. I really need some advice here. I don’t want to neglect or put aside what my little ones are telling me. Are they too young for a child therapist ?

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    • cynthia Dutra

      Listen lady. IF YOU HAVE EVER IN YOUR LIFETIME LOVED YOUR LIL BOYS? YOU WILL GET [redacted], OFF THIS COMPUTER…IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT, RETAIN AN ATTORNEY RIGHT NOW, AND, HAVE HIM GO WITH YOU TO THE POLICE DEPARTMENT, IN THE TOWN YOUR [redacted] EX HUSBAND LIVES (WHERE YOUR LIL BOY WAS FORCED [redacted]) AND YOU WILL FILE CHARGES IMMEDIATELY!!!! [redacted]

      NOTE: All of the comments submitted to DrGreene.com are moderated — that means a live person reads the comment to determine if it meets our guidelines before it is posted. We encourage people from multiple points of view to express their opinions, but we don’t allow comments that are:
      – Disparaging of others
      – Including name calling
      – Contain language commonly considered to be offensive
      – Use pornographic or sexually suggestive or explicit language
      – Contain false statements that my hurt others
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      – Spam

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  21. Janet hentenaar

    my friend had a family member come home from 6 years ago he was 23 year old man he right started playing with her then 7 year old son carrying him around having has her son seton his lap laying on all covered up now the man is 29 and boy just turn 13 every time he around he has on his lap one day the boy said quit putting my hand on your penis i didn’t say anything right when kill the man she said they are just playing the boy say something amnd got mad we play all the time am i wrong to think that man is sick or is that norman

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    • Janet,

      If you keep these two apart, what is lost? If you don’t, and there is a problem, what is lost?

      Follow your instincts.

      Hope that helps,
      @MsGreene

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  22. Sunshiny77

    The other day I walked into our 5 year old little boys bedroom to find he and his 5 year old friend ( a girl) making smoochy noises and moving around. I asked them what they were doing and my boy said ” I don’t know, mommy” the little girl immediately said “nothing”.

    I told them to come out of the room and come play where we could see them. Before I was even done telling them this, my son was already out of the room and headed up the stairs. The little girl hadn’t realized and was busy turning off the light and was trying to close one of the doors to the room. I told her he had left and that she needed to come join us. I immediately informed her dad what I had walked in on and he said, ” She seems to just be so curious. We have talked to her about this often and told her it is not ok. I would talk to her right now, but I don’t want to embarrass her. I’ll do it when we leave.”

    After the little girl and her dad left, my son broke down and was noticeably agitated. He led on to tell me that this little girl told him to take down his pants to show her his peepee. He said ” I kept telling her NO, but she made me and then made me touch her peepee. I didn’t like it and she wouldn’t listen and put her hands on mine and made me touch her and me.”

    I was horrified!! He went on to tell me that this has happened before and began telling me at least 4/5 incidences. He explained to me he didn’t like it and that it made him feel bad. I had the conversation with him about what to do if something like this happens again. I told him that nobody not even a small friend should ever be asking him to show himself to her and that he should not ask somebody to show their privates to him. I told him he can always talk to us about anything he feels uncomfortable with or is unsure about or questions…Etc. I then called the little girls mom, her dads wife, to inform her what my son had just said.

    Her mom said, frustrated, ” ahhh, we have gone rounds with her about this. We have talked to her about how inappropriate her behavior is towards her friends.” The mom led on to say, “Our daughter is just super curious and it doesn’t seem to matter who she’s curious with, boys or girls.” The mom explained to me that as parents, they do not know what to do about it because each time a situation like this is brought to their attention, their little girl shrugs it off “sheepishly”.

    The night of the last incident, our son was up often to come wake me up. He was agitated the entire evening after she and her dad left and now, two days later, is still agitated and withdrawn. I ask him what he’s thinking about and he says, ” nothing, I don’t want to talk about it.” He has told me once today that I was in his “bubble” ( as I sat on the couch, a foot away).

    As the hours go by since the last incident, I find myself becoming so angry with this little girl, but mostly I am feeling resentful and beside myself with anger toward her parents who are our very dear friends.

    Even though I graduated with a degree in Child Psychology a minor in abuse, addiction and mental disorders, This… Is uncomprehendable to me. I am at a loss to know how to handle this issue more in depth as it is now MY CHILD. I am sick about it and sad for our little boy. I feel like this 5 year old little girl, his best friend, has stolen his innocence and introduced something to him that in all honesty I feel is too soon.

    Please, somebody advise me how to further deal with this issue. How do I talk to my son about what happened? How do I get him to open up and talk about what has been happening with his friend? Is it considered “molestation” since they are both only 5 (even though he said, NO)? Is what she did to be considered malicious in any way or just plain curiosity? How do my husband and I move forward when talking to this little girls parents… Do we? Do we alert other families in our friend circle? PLEASE HELP!!
    Many Thanks.
    Grateful!

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    • judy

      i would ask the parents to go with you and your son there daughter to the hospital to get cheeked for sexual abuse and from there speake to social services ,clscs and whatever more help you can get go dont wait do it now and if they dont want to at least take your son and do all the abouve maybe stop them from play alone together from now on or stop it completely! Judy

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    • Crystal

      Omg, does anyone not see that this little girl has more than likely been touch herself, and probably is still being touched. This is a common sign and those parents should be looked at and everyone that is around her often. Don’t be mad at the little girl, who should not really know much about sex or private parts. Be mad at the parents for not getting her the help she needs, or be made at her abuser.

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    • Christina

      Firstly well done you in finding the courage to share your concerns about your son and what has recently come to light. I admire your honesty in saying you have a Child Psychology Degree yet no amount of coursework and study can prepare one to experience these kind of things in real life. So it’s important that you don’t feel ashamed or question your parenting because certain things are outside of your control. When you were made aware of it you provided your son with the reassurances that he felt he had because he told. Perhaps he’s become agitated for fear of being in trouble for what happened and that you’ll be angry with him. You just need to keep reassurancing him that you’re mad or anger. You could sit down with your friends and discuss the possibility of who is in the little girls life and who she regularly has contacted with or who is newly come into her life. The possibility of abuse occurring is probably slim but who you should look at this first in case there is an individual that fits the description. Then you should see your doctor and discuss this with them as they will have resources readily available to them they you may only be able to access with their referral. This would be your best port of call because they will be able to advise you of what services would be appropriate to contact. Because both children are so young this would unlikely be considered a legal matter and they are of the same age. Best of luck and remember the other parents sound very much like yourself, a bit lost confused as to what to do….

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  23. Faye

    My 13 year old daughter just told me that her 12 year old friend who is a girl had messed with her private on 3 different times. She said she was scared to tell her to stop cause she might do something to her. The last time she did something 2 her was like 3 weeks ago and she was afraid to tell me cause she thought that I wouldn’t believe her. With it being so long and her just now telling me would there be any way that the hospital could tell she has been touched down there or not????

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  24. arthur justine gelacio

    hello im arthur gelacio from philippines im only 15 years old
    and i did not mean to slap the face of 8 years old boy in two times.. i do that cause i want him to learn a lesson of what ne did..
    ..
    is their any possible that i can have a warrant of arrest???
    give me an a advice
    as soon as possible
    thank you

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  25. Indiana

    My 5 yr old took the kindle back to the bedroom and when she came out. she put the kindle down and I picked it up to plug it up and I seen photos she took of her vagina and butt cheeks and anus. I asked her questions and she said her half brother that is 17 yrs old took her panties off and took pictures of her butt (that’s what she calls her privates down there) and he took his underwear off and show her is butt. She said he’s pushed her hard into the wall and her 15 yr old half brother hit her hard on the top of her head. I haven’t asked her if he touched her. I’m so scared and emotional and all over the places at that moment and now. I’m a single mother. me and my daughter live with my single mother. Harlie has been going to her dad’s every other weekend since the last weekend in Sept. 2015. That’s when her dad was wanting her every other weekend was in July 2015 so he took me to court. He was verbally, physically abusive to me, controlling, brainwashing, threatening, lied alot and cheated alot. I got the courage up July 22nd 2013 to break up with his stupid butt. He’s never called her but 2 times after the break up that was in July 2014 and seen her 3 times only since the break up and before the every other weekend thing. Her half brothers has seen porn since they were toddlers, been a tattoo parlor and seen a woman’s butt cheek being tatted, the 17 yr old has been with his mom to ICP concerts since he was 5 yrs old, she got they into cigarettes, alcohol, they dad got them into pot, they party, the 17 yr old lost his virgin at 10 yrs old to a 35 yr old at a swingers party, ….. I’ve heard alot of crap when I was with my daughter’s dad. Her dad and his gf and the boys are heavy smokers, potheads and alcoholics. My 5 yr old says she has to sleep in the bed with her dad and his gf. the 17 yr old sleeps on the couch. her dad has full custody of the 17 yr old. The boys are strange. Do you think my daughter is a curious 5 yr old? Do you believe something happened (I do and I don’t. but she’s my whole world.)? ???????????? my brain is everywhere.

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    • Sharon

      Your daughter said these things…. You need to believe her no matter what!!! You need to look into it further and stop letting her over there. This is discussing, and the way the house seems to be run is just as bad!

      Stop taking your precious angel over there and get some help!!! All the best!

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    • Laura

      One thing at a time. Deal with the possibility that your older son might be abusing his sister. If he is, he must go elsewhere to live or the younger child must go elsewhere to live.

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  26. Mom

    H (best friend) is notoriously dramatic. She gets really caught up in things – for example: she’s partially obsessed with end-times prophecy and the illuminati. She often tells me how all the hip-hop musicians are gay and they’re stuck in a sodom and Gomorrah lifestyle. She’s convinced that the illuminati runs this world and government (I believe in some of this, but don’t make a point of listening to videos about it daily, nor does it run my thoughts, as it does hers. She can’t sleep at nights because she’s always watching these crazy videos!)

    H was sexually abused multiple times when young. More of a ‘you show me yours, I’ll show you mine’ type thing. Thus, she says that it’s made her very aware of people’s sexual nature. She also talks about it – or comments – about off the wall things with her kids. Not in a mean way, but she’s trying to let them know to be aware. I just think she’s pushed it into their heads though…over and over. H has four children, is married to a ‘tough to get to know’ guy. I’m constantly walking her through challenges in her marriage. I don’t mind. It’s what friends do. But as I’m stepping back from the situation, I’m seeing the constant drama that surrounds her.

    She claims that her 4 yr old girl said that B (my 8-year old son) kissed her on the mouth and touched her privates. She also says that she’s found them hiding under blankets ONCE in the past and she thought that was weird. Personally, I think they were PLAYING, having fun, being silly! Not sexual!!!! That’s what kids do!

    H has repeatedly told her children about molestation and what to look for. She also watches movies with them that I’d NEVER watch with my kids…things of a more sexual and romantic overtone. Her kids have seen things that mine never have.

    My boys can be turds and annoying, but neither of them are interested in any kind of sex, kissing, or girls. They’re both still grossed out by it all. B has never, ever given even an ounce of concern about sexuality. Ever. If he did, then I’d be more apt to believe H. But I can’t make him out to be someone he isn’t.

    We interrogated B the same night that H called at 1:30am. K (my husband, B dad) did most of it and initially asked nothing of B other than was there something he needed to tell us. The only thing he repeatedly said was that he pushed L (H’s daughter) once when they were playing because he got too competitive. He had no idea that we were asking more of him. Then we did ask him if he ever did anything to L that he shouldn’t have. He was confused and genuinely shocked…as we all were. K (an professional interrogator) came to the strong conclusion that B was telling the truth.

    My home life is incredibly stable and loving.

    My boys are sometimes exposed to too much violence through video games, but we don’t even let them play games that have sexy girls in the background. They’ve never seen a movie with sex, nor have they any interest to. I asked D (my older son, age 13, B’s best friend) if B has ever given him any reason to think that H could be right, and D said absolutely not. He’s the closest person to B, by far, and is just as confused as the rest of us.

    I know that what L is saying is very specific and that is concerning.

    This is my Goddaughter. I love her and would never want her hurt! If I thought B might have done something, I’d totally believe L and not B. But I’ve never had a single reason to doubt my son. L had never said anything like this though, but I know she watches these romantic shows with Heather and is also exposed to more sex talk than even I am.

    I read an article last night that made it seem very clear to me that L is using her imagination. She’s a smart girl and also very vocal. My boys have also said that L tells a lot of lies if she isn’t getting her way.

    I also talked to T (a schoolteacher friend) about sexual curiosity at various ages. She’s convinced that H ( my best friend) is being overly dramatic and that B is telling the truth. She’s met H before and I know has seen H in dramatic situations too (H met with me and my pastor, T’s husband) about her marriage before and T came in too.

    FYI – D has said he has heard more sexual references at H’s house than he has anywhere else. But he’s just looked past them as have I. I simply thought H was just being way overly paranoid and overreacting to random things. From her kids early age, her and her husband have been crazy about even allowing their girls to show underwear or change a shirt in front of boys – even at the age of 2 – when there’s NOTHING sexual about a little girl’s body then. But I feel H has beat it into them. :(

    I was never molested as a child and therefore do not have a point of reference here. I refuse to expose my kids to sexual innuendo nor will I sexualize them when they’re simply kids. But, I also don’t want to bury my head in the sand.

    The issue is, what do I do now? We’ve chosen to believe our own children. And that means a break in a very strong friendship. But I’m not willing to accuse my son of something in order to save a this relationship. If I had any shred of doubt, I’d admit it. But I don’t. I believe my son.

    As I type this, it sounds more like L has been exposed to something from someone else, but is using my son as the scapegoat. The issue with that is that L is only around her mom, her dad, siblings, and grandparents. I know them all well and can’t see any of them doing something awful to her. My only thought is that maybe L saw something on TV…?….I just don’t know.

    I’m devastated at the idea of losing my best friend, but I am also seeing the drama that surrounds her. As I said, my home is very calm, loving, and wonderful. Even when we are annoyed with each other, we’ve actually managed to still remain close-knit.

    My best friend has said she wanted to put all this behind us and move forward…chalk it up to kids being curious. However, I’ll be dam**d if I expose my kids to being blamed for something like this again!!

    Anyway, reading these stories have broken my heart. I cannot believe how horribly horrific these children have been abused. I’m so sad and sorry for each and every one.

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    • Confused and Devastated Mom

      I’d like to add that when L says that my son touched her privates, it was on top of her pants. She also says he leaned in to kiss her at the same time. My son is clueless when it comes to things of a sexual nature. At least, that’s what me, his dad, and some close friends think. No one could see B doing this to her, nor has anyone been led to believe he’s even thought about things sexually.

      I’m a stay at home mom. My boys are in school, but that’s the only time that they are away from my husband or I. They are both doing wonderfully in school, get along great with their peers, and are well-liked by pretty much everyone. Neither has been in trouble (yet! I’m sure it will happen at some point!!) at school. This is the first instance of an accusation against my kids and I’m just devastated.

      As I already said, if B gave ANY indication that he was ‘curious’, I’d much more believe L. But he simply hasn’t.

      Does this kind of thing happen often?? Is it just an anomaly? Where do I draw the line at believing my son as opposed to my goddaughter–who is known to make up stories and just turned 4.

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  27. Iam-iam

    My 3 year old son has been dilated for 3 weeks now. It’s not everyday but it’s been 3 weeks since I saw him dilated for the very first time. When the first time I saw it, it wasn’t looking normal it was really big. I haven’t seen my son’s anus looking like that for 3 years that I have been changing him. Every now and then, when I changes his diaper sometimes his Anus stays open. We took him to the doctor, and the doctor says he was constipated. Previously,he vomit twice and complaining that his tummy is ahwe. We took him again to the emergency but then the doctors findings was still constipated. During The first and 2nd weeks since he was dilated, his cheeks butt was very, very hard, his anus is definitely changes. Don’t get me wrong I know what my sons anus looks like. I’m a stay home mom. I changes my sons diaper 24/7.
    This week, I just found that my sons penis has cut around the tips of the skin.
    The story was, my son was left with family at home; my mother and father in-law, my brother in-law and my step-daughter. My husband and I We were at the hospital for almost 5 hours. We left at 4pm and back around 9pm. As we got back I found my sons anus dilated.

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    • Tara

      Have you found anything out? I wouldn’t let him stay with anyone for a while till you know what is going on. If your instincts are telling you something more is wrong then listen.

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      • Iam-iam

        Hi,
        Thank you for your reply. As of now nothing changes. I lost hope, it seems like whatever I do, no one would ever believe me. The doctors and my husband would never think that my son has been sexually abuse, because they can’t find any signs of his anus but only dilated which is they thought it was just constipated. I know my brother in-law did this. My 16 year old step- daughter told us that my son was in my brother in-laws bed room that night. She said they were just playing game on my son’s iPad. He’s 37 years old and for me he is a maniac bastard. To many kids with 3 different women’s with no child support. He was homeless, no one would ever take him except his mom. That’s why he’s at my mother’s in-laws house. We left my son on December 18 at 4:00pm because our twins were coughing so bad so my husband and I took them to the nearest hospital. My mother and father inlaw left to the party that night. If I have known that they would left at home,I would take my son with us. I am so lost right now, I felt nothing, i hate my self, I shouldn’t left my son or trust to anybody. I will never, ever left my son ever again. I will take with them with me. I hate families now, you will never know if you can trust them anymore!

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  28. melissa

    My almost 3 year old LOVES to touch tummies and rub her feet and hands on skin. she INSISTS on rubbing my tummy everynight. Last night i asked her if she likes to rub daddy’s tummy too (we are seperated for a year now) and she said “yes and his pee pee” i then asked her if he touches her pee pee and she said “yes” and then i asked her one more time and her answer changed to “i dont know”. A couple of minutes later I asked her again and she said “no”. First thought it sounds terrible –but second thought, she could’ve touched his pee pee when they take a bath together? or if he was naked around his house? out of curiousity. she is a very touchy person and loves to touch my nipples and boobs casually. . . im going to talk to someone tomorrow about it, thought I’d share because ive been so alarmed and scared.

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  29. Crystal

    I don’t know if I got molested because I told him no several times and he still did it. I didn’t stop him at all I went with it cause I was 13-15 at the time :/ I mean I knew it was bad when I hit 16 and it happen again, but that time it did stop because I screamed. I told my parents and thy don’t believe me because I use to hang out with him (NOT ALONE) because he was with my friend. And I want to ask about rape — I was raped twice, but I told everyone two different stories. Now I look like I am lying when I am not. I just don’t know how I put it into words…

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    • Tara

      Have you been able to get help?

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  30. Jessica

    Just yesterday night at about 9:30 pm I was going to give my four year old daughter some Motrin because she had a fever and before I gave her medication she slipped her hand inside her pajama pants and asked if she could pet herself. I was in shock with that question in itself and asked her why? where did she even grasp the concept of petting herself there? she said her daddy pets her there when she is watching dvd’s with him. we are divorced and he only sees her for 3 hours on a Sunday never consistently. I told her what do you mean by pet? she then made a hand movement in her pajama and I knew what she was saying was the absolute truth. I called the sheriffs department and made a statement and tomorrow I will be visiting the local cps department. I cried, yelled, threw up and felt a rage get a hold of me but I know I must maintain this trust with her. For three days she had been feeling sick and the thought of him seeing her or not did not seem to matter. Before she would be excited about leaving and those comments are no longer existent. I feel at this point angry. I have no appetite and I just wish she didn’t have to ever be exposed to something like that. I trust my daughter especially when she told me this it was when we were alone at randomly just before I was going to give her some Motrin. like out of the blue I got hit with this horrible event that happened to her and fully believe her.

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    • Tara

      Sounds like your instincts are right.

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    • Sally

      Good job mom to react so quickly!

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  31. Natasha

    Hi I have a friend and she has a little girl that is now 5 today and my friends has told me how her kids dad is touched her girl part with a pink deldo .but I’ve had her kid in my home and there’s no sign of any abuse I think the mother is I’ll I don’t know what I can do I know the mother is in to meth end when the kid is in the home I fear for the wellbeing of this little girl and I don’t know how to help her as I’m not family

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  32. JS

    Hi Dr. we need your help, this isn’t recent, it happened about a year ago. My stepson ended up reenacting something he saw, from what he says, his mother do. When we spoke to her she of course denied it. DYFS was involved stated that there is no way anything can happen on her end because of the fact that he slept with her in her room and also her mother. That it was more of a chance of him witnessing something on our end because of the fact that he has his own room. They completely disregarded the fact that he kept pointing her out stating he saw her do it. I dont think they tried to investigate it. I recorded our conversation between him and I and his father and he actually went into detail stating how he went with his mother in her car to her friend’s house. They went into her friend’s room, he was on the bed watching TV and she was behind him with her friend who was a boy. He looked back, saw her pull her pants down a little bit and her friend put his pants down little bit and she had her back towards him and they were connected. He said he saw her butt and his “area” (peepee like he said). Even with all of that it was still put down as he took it out of context. I’m sure he never went into detail with the worker, God only knows if she told him what to say. I don’t understand can you please help, we’re afraid that this still might be going on and he’s not saying anything. He’s no longer “touching” but we’ve been really careful with who he ays with, always supervision, and “no touching” rules. We asked him, reluctantly since we want him to forget that ever happened, if she was still doing “bad things” infront of him and he stated no. Idk if we should believe that. I’m begging you, please help.

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  33. SB

    I’m married and my daughter who is 2 now sleeps in the bed with me and my husband. I’ve noticed that his behavior when I wake up in middle of night — he’s already awake, or turns over like sleeping, then gets straight up and goes to bathroom as if to use it. This happens like it a routine.

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    • Anon

      Please be very vigilant. This was one of the first signs I noticed when my partner started abusing our daughter. Same situation. It progressed with them playing in private “dens” or places where I was excluded or couldn’t see. This sounds like the beginning, but it won’t just go away. Watch out for signs, sexual, age inappropriate behaviour. Watch out if he becomes dependent on drink or drugs. Be ready to move out and take action immediately. Try to get “proof”. Without it you may find yourself in a very difficult position. Try not to leave them alone together. I wish you good luck. It’s far more common than we would ever dare to think about.

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    • Anon

      And buy an infra red motion sensor camera that will be triggered by movement and can see in the dark, then you can see what he is actually doing and you will have “proof” if you need it. I wish someone had told me to do this as it would have spared the abuse that followed. Good luck.

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  34. Renee

    Dr. Greene I need your advice. My 12 year old son and 10 year old son have told me that their 15 year old brother continuously put his hands “up their butt” ” puts his finger in their “butthole” through their clothes. They ask him to stop but he will not. Their dad thinks just talking to the 15 year old fixes this. Is this sexual abuse? My son called me crying abt this. I want to call the cops. I have joint custody, I don’t want them around this kid. I was molested as a child and I am so angry that my ex, their dad, doesn’t take this more seriously. Any help?

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    • Anon

      Yes, that IS sexua abuse!! I sure hope you called the police and Department of Families and Children! A normal 15-year-old would not dream of doing something freaky like this! That’s messed up! I pray for your boys!

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      • Anon

        *sexuaL

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  35. Zoe

    I found out 6 months ago that my 12 year old daughter has been raped. The police had a complaint about, this 15 year old lad, he was grooming young girls… Making them do sexual things, taking pictures against their will, then blackmailing them. The police have built a case against him, and have evidence. We are waiting for the court date, as this lad is still denying the allegations. I believe these girls 100%, and think, even after he is convicted, he will continue to groom young girls.

    Any rape victims please get help, and report the attack. My daughter is trying to move forward in her life, and had counseling to help her move on. Only one person complained about him, and it turns out he has groomed many girls, and possibly more girls, we don’t know about.

    Just wanted to share my story.

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    • Zoe,

      Thanks so much for sharing. You are 100% correct. Victims needs to come forward, even though it is tremendously difficult.

      I applaud your daughter for moving forward with her life and you for being her advocate.

      Best,
      @MsGreene

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      • Zoe

        victims do need to come forward, the police will protect you, and have fully supported us. Even if you don’t press charges, the police will keep a record of the incident. Kind regards zoe.

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  36. shaz

    I was abused when I was eight for an entire school holiday and almost half a school term by a much older cousin. he was twenty two at the time. he started by molesting me. touching me down there and putting hez fingers in me then it gradually got to intercourse/ rape… he told me it was normal and every girl my age went through this. and if I told anyone my mom would gett really ill and die. so I didn’t tell anyone until seventh grade. after they taught about rape in school’s. I told the counsellor and my mom was called in. when they told her what happened and asked me to tell her she dismissed it and said I was too young when it happened how could I possibly remember. the funny thing is now I’m twenty one and still remember everything in perfect detail. on a certain occasion . at my two year old nephews funeral he was there. I now have a two year old daughter . so he cornered me in the church when no one was looking and said” if you ever say anything about why happened he wil do to my daughter what he did to me. it scared the shit out of me. hez a family member, we first cousins hez mine and mine are sisters so hez always around. popping in for random visits and staff like that. I don’t know how to protect my daughter from him. because when it happened to me it went unnoticed. I’ve reported him before to the police and childline services and they didn’t have any evidence because I took too long to report. help what do I do

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    • raine

      Tell everybody what’s happened. That’s the only thing u can do, can’tget help from d police. And tell ur daughter not to stick with him. Tell the truth before something bad happens.

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    • Unidentified

      I was too molested by my older cousin. When I was five my parents moved from one state to another and we had to stay with my aunt. Her 18 year old at the time would touch me. I was too afraid to tell my parents because they were so strict and talking about sex was taboo. So my cousin the pedophile used that against me to keep me quiet and scared. Thankfully it only lasted two months because my parents were to independent to stay living in someone else’s home.

      I think if we would of stayed there more than two moths it would of gotten worse like rape. I never told anyone until I was 23. I finally told my parents because I was older and had my child. My parents were so mad and then I wished I would of said something a long time ago.

      A few weeks before my uncle passed, my cousin contacted me as if nothing happened. I was confused, but my reply to him was I never forgot what you did to me. Do not ever contact me again. My cousin was a street fighter, got shot multiple times, but that did not make me hesitate to tell him how I felt. I saw him at the funeral and did not share a word with him nor he tried to say a word to me.

      My advice to you is to stand up to your cousin and tell him in his face how you feel even if you have to say in front of other people. He is still using mental abuse against you. Do not allow it. Protect your daughter and educate her so it don’t happen to her. I had to educate my daughters as young as 2 years old. Why because there’s no age limit when a sick bastsrd wants to attack. Good luck and God bless.

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  37. anonomous

    My husband often fondles me in his sleep after a few drinks and can never remember it i the morning, 2 nights ago our 8 year old daughter was sleeping between us and he mistaked her for me and I caught his hand between her legs, he has no memory of this what should I do

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    • Lilly

      You should be ashamed of yourself for knowing he does this and allowing your daughter to sleep between you when you know he’s had a drink.
      And to answer your question, leave. Before he hurts her.

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      • Tara

        I agree! He has no business around your child or any child .

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      • Minnie

        I agree as well! 28th is pattern of fondling you…How could you take the chance on letting your daughter sleep in between the both of you? Your DEFINITELY setting her up to be FONDLED AS WELL!

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    • Kim

      God I am so sorry this happened too you both. When I was 14 I had a drunken step father who would crawl into bed with us. He claimed it didn’t happen until one night when he did I found my voice and screamed for my mother. She came running and as soon as he sobered up my mother and her family kicked him out.

      I hated him long before he did this and I was so relieved when he was gone.

      17 years after he left my sister (8 at the time) confessed to me that he had raped her several times. My mother doesn’t know but it comforts me to know that she would have “made him go away” if she had known. Please be strong, you can’t be awake and watching 24/7 but you can create a safe environment for you and your daughter where adults are responsible for their actions.

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    • Anon

      You should not allow your 8-year-old daughter to sleep in between the two of you…ya think?

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    • B.R.E

      Honestly, you shouldn’t let her sleep within him when he’s drunk, impersonal I don’t think you should fret too much about this because he was drunk.
      Good luck

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      • B.R.E

        *with… sorry

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  38. Feeling hurt

    My 8 year old shared with us that when she was at my mother in laws house my husbands uncle told her to put her hand in his pants and squeeze so she did and then he touched her and told her not to tell anyone it was a secret. And if she did he wouldn’t get her a Christmas present. When we questioned grandma who was watching her at the time she said she doesn’t know how it could of happened cuz she was not left alone with him at all! He has already served 8 years in prison for another charge in this same type of situation. So I believe that it happened but both grandma and the uncle say it didn’t. I know if I take this to anybody the police will be involved and weather or not he will go back to prison with his past record. But I’m just not 100% with grandma being so set on the fact that she doesn’t know how it could of since she was right there with her the whole night. What do I do?

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    • Sally

      Hello!! Protect your child! NO question about it! Imagine you told your mom that and she did nothing about it!

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  39. Gary

    Hi,

    I had an Easter party a while ago which I invited family and neighbours to. We have an outside bar and bbq area. It was a lovely sunny day. My next door neighbours who, at the time we got on well with, and have come twice before for food and drinks etc. and til recently enjoyed their company. However, it changed rapidly when my male neighbour propositioned my 15 year old daughter to watch his wife [redacted by moderator] and if she wanted to join in. I was directly in front of him when he said this and said several times for him to stop what he was saying however he continued. I waited til my friends family and daughter had left to approach him with my concerns. He kicked off saying I was over reacting. I pointed out clearly my daughter was 15 and that at any age he had no right ramming his sexual thoughts or participations to my daughter or any female. It was degrading and immoral and totally disgusting. He threatened to beat me to a pulp. His wife backed him up and said your daughter can make her own mind up and she knows where we are if she wants to come round our door and arms will be open to welcome her. I’m still very disgusted and don’t know what to do or who can helpJ

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  40. SHELDON

    6th july 2015 I had enough of my physically abusive wife after she cheated on me with her boss and decided to leave home, she ended up leaving my then just turned 3 year old son and his 18 month old baby brother with her mom, after a few days she left her moms house, and went to a hospice for abused mothers and kids, she the took our kids to live with her at the shelter and a few days later she returned our kids back to her mothers house because she couldn’t care for them, how this came to my knowledge is that she sent my dad an sms saying he should not judge her for what happened and that there was a ”disciplinary” situation at the shelter whereby she hit our kids, she then said to him he should back off because he did not take care of his 2 kids from his ex-wife, I was confused about what she said to him when I became aware of what happened because he was not in contact with her at the time. I was totally cut off from speaking to my boys every time I called her moms house she would cut the call when she heard it was me me asking to speak to my 3 year old, this continued for a month, the one time I called she did not cut the call correctly, and The line was still active, to my horrific dismay i could hear her talking to her boyfriend saying she forgot to tell my ex that I keep calling I kept on listening for any sign of my boys in the house but no sign of both babies anywhere, they were by her boyfriends house which is exactly opposite her house, anyways on the 17 july 2015 I got a message from reception that there were 2 court officials and a police officer wanting to see me. I invited them into the boardroom and the court official served me with a maintenance order summons, so i was calm and she asked me to sign the document and i read it and signed it then she said, ”oops, sorry there’s one more copy to sign so she turned to the last page and asked me to sign, i was just about to sign on the dotted line and pulled back in astonishment, and asked her why so many pages, she looked at me in shock, so I took the document from her and turned to the front page, with tears running down my painful eyes ”APPLICATION FOR PROTECTION ORDER” she claimed I had raped her in front of our boys for the 4 years that we were together…further more saying that I would lock her up in the house for days and not let her out the house, I broke down and cried like a baby not even worried about the officials sitting in front of me, I then asked the Police officer why the court official just asked me to sign and not even know what i was signing, also asking him why my ex refrained from pressing formal charges against me, instead summonsing me to maintainance court, the police officer looked at the court official and then turned to me and said ” son, it seems as if these people are 10 steps ahead of you, you need to get your head together and start playing catch-up” I looked at him and wiped my tears and signed the document, the court official the took the documents put it in her baG and said ”goo day” In shocked and Astonished I asked her if she was going to give me a copy of the application for protection order, she smiled and turned back, reached into her bag and pulled out the copy and handed it over and left. I broke down and didn’t know where to start thinking, every moment of our lives together good and bad and amazing flashed through my mind, the next day I was straightened up and bright eyed and bushy tailed and began to prepare all the facts of our lives together, the day before i left her she attacked me real bad, and my HR manager took pictures of the wounds also I had asked I.T for every recorded telephonic conversation between myself and my ex. I listened to every call, about 4-7 calls between us every week day, she used to call about 3 or so times at work and leave messages at reception for me to return her call almost every day, so already there was enough substantial evidence proving her allegations an utter lie, I wasn’t really trying to find evidence, I actually wanted to make sure i wasn’t living in dream world and thinking we were building and experiencing a good relationship and future together with excellent communication, also a part of me started to question sanity and moral ethics, however i found that we had great conversations, even the intense argument were not angered but the reality i found was I most of the time ate humble pie when i chatted with her telephonically, now thing is she would get home before me at around 4.20pm , so I would call her at around 5.15 TO make sure she ok ask her how the kids day at creche was and ask her how her day at work had had been, oh she would then let me know whats for supper or ask me what I was feeling for. I would then call her again at 6.30 or 6.55pm just before I left the office and she would most often say” Babe..so long you taking, i miss you i need to hug….i would say i’m on my way almost there baby, love you and see you now, now. cheesy I know lol, I really was in love..more and more everyday. Any way these facts brought me back to sanity and instead of hating her, I was worried about her even though she hurt me physically in front of the kids and also with the whole affair. 5th august 2015 saw her for the first time in a few weeks, I was sitting in the que outside the maintenance officers court room, she walked down the isle towards me and she decided to sit at the chair next to me I got up and walked away, she smiled boldly and looked the other way, moment of truth arrived it was our turn, the proceedings had began, the maintenance officer asked me if I understand the reason I am at the proceeding and and I acknowledged, she then asked my ex how many kids and age, gender and finally how much she wanted for each child, she said loudly R3300.00 for both children, take note his is the equivelant of her basic monthly salary, I then addressed the maintenance officer and produced my payslip which only amounted to R2600 for the current month of end july 2015, she did a evaluation of my rent,transport,food,electricity,and other monthly expenses, it exceeded my current salary for that month, take note my salary was more than halved for that month because of unpaid leave and having to travel back home to gather information (562kms) away from where we lived at the time. The maintenance officer asked her what she wanted to do now because I cannot even afford to pay any maintenance based on my current salary, she started talking about the abuse and the rape and the fact that she had been in contact with my ex-girlfriend where the relationship ended 2 years before we were together , by the way my ex-girlfriend is now married to my former best friend, the maintenance officer stated to her that all that information is irrelevant to the matter at hand which is maintenace money for our kids, I was then asked for a response, I then asked for permission to respond in a few minutes, i then began to say that in reality I earn a basic salary of R4500.00 excluding weekly incentives and monthly commision whom my ex is aware of, i was then asked to point out what I think our boys needs are, so I stated nappies food entertainment, snacks, medicines, vitamins clothes and so forth highlighting the fact that our boys need 3 main meals and snacks in between each meal, also that they need to be in day care, all this should be around R850.00 PER MONTH EXCLUDING milk and nappies and creche so my apartment rental was R1700.00 PER month, I offered to pay R1700.00 for maintenance, R850.. per child. the maintenance officer didn’t even get a chance to ask what she thought coz she started lashing out at me, the maintenance officer said that that was a fair offer considering my current expenses, she then made a shocking revelation 1 day before the maintenance appearance(4th August 2015) my ex resigned from her employment and that’s why she demanded R3300 which was her basic salary, the maintenance asked her what her reason for leaving her current employment, she paused then said she had issues with transport and they did not pay her the full amount owed, and,and,and. The maintenance officer asked her if she is willing to accept my offer she declined and said she want atleast 3000, she was then informed if she does not accept the offer then the matter will then be sent through to the investigating officer to confirm my salary slip, and she would then get nothing, The maintenance officer asked me i had anything to say, i paused and said no , and handed over 6 months bank statement proving rent payment food purchases and and monthly expense payments including entertainment purchases via visa card, my ex was shocked, she interrupted me while i was speaking and said the bank statement was a fraud, i kept silent while she carried on speaking on top of her voice, the maintenance officer asked me to continue, i then added on saying that my reason for leaving was that my ex had cheated on me and one day admitted it to me in the presence of our boys, furthermore stating that my ex physically abused me and my loudly shouted he’s lying ”i never laid a hand on him, his the one who was hitting me” I kept silent and and said to the maintenance officer all I want is a chance to have a say and as you can see ”you honour” she doesn’t want to let me speak, my ex started shouting again, you were the one that left I didnt hit you ”wheres your proof?” I then pulled out a little envelope and handed it over to the maintenance officer she looked the pictures and was stunned, she then showed it to my ex who then replied ” i have never seen those marks on him before it wasn'[t me” the maintenance officer then said to me this issue is to be dealt with at another time and place and has no relevance to the maintenance proceedings, however i do understand what you are stating mr SIR, she then asked me if my offer still stands and i replied of course yes these are my babies I will always take care of them. My ex finally accepted and the maintenance order was drawn up and made official. After exiting the court room I was making my way out and I asked her when I can talk to my sons as I was prevented from even knowing how they were, she said she will tell her mom to let me speak to my boys, because the maintenance officer said to my ex that my ex cannot prevent me from seeing my children. so i left and made my way back to work, my ex followed me and stopped I asked her what she wanted, she put her head down and replied, I need you, I teared up saying how could say that i raped you not just rape but in the presence of our kids, she said she was sorry and that she will retract the Protection order, I said too little to late, I turned away and she pulled me back again and said to me” lets go somewhere and talk” I looked at her in shock” and asked her what game are you trying to play with me anyway she came closer and held my hand and said sorry, lets go talk, we ended up going to the beach nearby and talked. Moving on swiftly we talked and she arranged for me to see my boys the next weekend, that weekend came and Didn’t get to see them Because her mother made plans to take the kids to the theme park, The following week I got a call on 15/16 August 2015, my ex said she thinks the kids need to go home to my parents really as soon as possible, I asked why the change of mind now all of a sudden, she said her mother is going to on a trip to Cape town (1500km away) and she cant keep the our boys, I agreed and on the 20 August 2015 I took the kids home to my parents, 1 month later on the 30 september 2015 I went up To Johannesburg(home) to see my boys and spend time with them, My Brother married with two kids boy and girl age 15 and 11 well respected self employed was assisting with caring for my boys while i was back in durban (562km) where my ex and i lived, so anyway my brother said to me that my big son 3 years said that he played a house house game my ex’s brother-in law (32) and his daughter (10) and the brother in law is his husband and the daughter is his wife, so as i heard my brother say this to me I didn’t know what feeling of emotion went through my body mind and soul, so i decided to ask my my because he and I are very close so he trust me and really tells me everything, so I gave him a bath and found a red rash on his bum cheeks, then took him out the bath and check his bum and found it well swollen..and the point is there were signs of abuse, so after I got him pampered and put his clothes on , we prayed and I asked him to tell me what he told his uncle and aunty, he was said, withdrawn and almost in tears he eventually told me that he was pinched I asked him to show me where, he showed me, I asked him to tell me everything that happened, he said the brother in law pocked his bum and peed in his mouth, the also pocked his bum and cuddled with him, I couldn’t believe Him saying the word cuddle coz neither my ex nor me mentioned cuddle to him ever. …………Ok I then went back to durban where i lived , and went to meet my ex at Church, after church i TOLD HER WHAT HAPPENED, she couldn’t believe it, with tears in her eyes, we then went to the hospice where she was staying and I told her matron who took care of her what had happened, she scheduled an appointment with the social worker for the next day(monday) and I also went to the court to find out how to report what happened, I met with her social worker and told her what had happened, she then told me leave our kids with my parents and my brother and that we are incapable at the moment of taking care of our kids, I kept silent and said nothing, because they found that my ex was unstable, unfit and facing lots of hidden trauma and secrets from her childhood past, the social worker did not want to disclose any information of m y ex’s situation and I didn’t probe any further, anyway I comforted my ex through the day and informed her of the legal steps i was going take with regard to the matter, however I didn’t say anything in frustration with regards to the fact that it was practically her family who did this and her mother was negligent or maybe turned a blind eye to what was happening, or maybe that was the reason she wanted the kids to go to my family all of a sudden, 1month later 30/10/2015 I went to see my boys they were not well, and also they were being split up from each other which was not healthy, my big boy was with my parents and my small boy was with my brother and his family, my brother secretly tried to get my my boys into foster care and placed with him and his family, When I arrived at my parents home I waited for my brother to bring my youngest boy to the house, he delayed for 6 hours, I arrived early in the morning but notified him the night before, he eventually arrived and brought baby with a little bag which had 4 nappies and not single pair of change over clothes, he came in in the house where I was holding my small boy, and asked me when I coming to pick the boys up and take them back with me, now the agreement with my parents and when I left them in their care in August was that I would pick them up on 15/12/15, UNBEKNOWN to me was that on 2 days before I arrived my brother already got Awarded foster care placement on 28/10/2015, without my knowledge, anyway my reply to his question was ”bro Im only here for 2days can we chat about this maybe even tomorrow before I leave, I just wanna spend time with my boys and have no discussion on the matter right now, he was he looked annoyed and said well ”I’ll be back at 5PM today to take baby back home” My heart skipped a beat and I calmly asked what do you mean you not going to leave baby with me until I leave tomorow night, He looked at me with a fire in his eyes and slipped up by saying ” DID I NOT MAKE MY LEGAL STANCE CLEAR ENOUGH” I then got angered and went outside to ask my dad whats going on, my before my dad even uttered a word my bro started ranting and raving, so I asked my bro whats his story, why he acting like my babys daddy, He said im a f***up and I dont deserve my kids and..and…and.., now truth is I got legal custody of kids when I took them up to my parents house on 20/08/2015 and it was agreed that they would be in my parents care until I sort out evrything and build a solid foundation for my kids… which was scheduled for 15/12/2015..just in time for the best CHRISTMAS present ever a BRAND NEW HOME AND A FRESH START TO LIFE NEAR THE SEA, WELL DIRECTLY OPPOSITE THE BEACH..So I Demonstrated my LEGAL STANCE with regards to my kids and asked him a few questions, why did you fail to mention that you were secretly playing me and my ex against each other since the kids were place in my parents care? why did you fail to mention to me that you were in consultation with social services and excluded me from communicating with the social worker who dealt with the matter? thirdly if you really cared about my boys well being, instead of trying to make me an unfit negligent parent, why not take my son to the Law enforcement agency and report the matter on my behalf? why did you try to steal kids from your own brother in the most disgusting sly and wicked way ever, he had nothing else in reply but scream shout rant and rave about how I am such a f***up in life and then he stepped to me in my face and asked me if i know who i’m messing with, MY KIDS FATHER, THAT’S all I said, Turned to my dad and said ”I don’t want these kids anymore” ever since my visit in september 2015 my baby boy who was in my brothers care had WHAT my Brother Called an infection on upper and lower lip, which he last had when he was 1 month old while learning to suckle his mothers breast , so I had and asked him why his wife felt the disgusting germy need to breast my baby, he Then had nothing more to say but reply with ” his mother wasn’t there so what do you expect…i said that he is 20 months old he doesn’t cry for breastfeed anymore even before August when i left him with mom and dad. any way he left and drove 12kms packed all my baby’s clothes and returned within 20 minutes, said to my dad he must not keep the kids anymore and he should teach me lesson by leaving me and the kids in the lurch, anyway I WALKED ALL THE STRESS OFF AND when I returned home expecting my Dad to be angry because I have have much respect for him, and never lost my temper in such a dark way in his presence before, however its my kids and their future. anyway to my surprise he said don’t worry about it its over lets move forward, i was shocked but asked him why my brother tried to do such a wicked thing, what was his motive, my dad said ”I don’t know, but its over, lets move forward, go back to Work and Pick the boys up as agreed (15/12/15) I got to durban now was trying to get contact with the social services man who my brother got the foster placement for two weeks, i tried the monday 2/11/15 he was not available , he point blank avoided me because he thought I knew about the molestation and refused to report the matter, anyway tuesday 03/11/2015 morning 9.05am I sitting at my workstation and something is telling me time is running out you exhausted all your leave days at work and work needs your undivided attention, but your kids are going lose their parents if you do not go and be with them, I said a prayer placed my immediate resignation and was back home with my kids 2days later, friday 6/11/2015 reported directly at social services offices at the person dealing with the matter, he looked I asked for for him by name he acknowledged himself I introduced myself he asked me to take a seat and he will be with me shortly, when we met behind closed doors he then revealed to me that If I hadnt arrived at his offices on the same day as we met he already arranged Law enforcement authorities to arrest me for parental negligence in failing to report child abuse/molestation, I stated my my plans and told him everything I then informed him that I was going to report the matter at the POLICE STATION THE NEXT MONDAY and lay a formal charge against the alleged perpetrator, he accepted and I promised to contact him the next wednesday with an update, Today is 17/11/2015 the case has been reported my boy has been to the DSS and been thoroughly interviewed, a docket has been opened, a duplicate docket has been sent down to durban because the alleged crime was commited in another state/province, and the original docket is on its way, as soon as the original docket is received the alleged molester will be arrested and interviewed, long story i feel a lil better I hope this helps other going through the similar trauma…tbc will update soon

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  41. candace

    I need help am not sure what is going on with my 3 year old. I have three daughters and there there father recently came to reside in the state we live in. I am very cautious about my daughter’s being a victim of abuse myself. My three year old told me her dad shows her movies on his phone with “what man’s have and what I have”. She also said he licks and sucks on her toes.Those were her exact words. She seems to act sensually with a couple of other children as well. I explained my concerns to her father actually I cursed him out, he says she is three and makes things up and that I need to go to counseling…I have not seen any physical evidence and when I ask her if daddy touched her no no areas she quickly said no and then says she doesn’t want to talk about this. What does this mean? What do I do?

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    • amanda

      Hey it would call the local investigators get her into a child advocate center to talk to a specialist they will know but the end of interview if she’s been seeing things she’s not suppose to or that she’s been messed it, to me sounds like she’s seeing to much on daddies phone and if she don’t want to talk about it sounds like she’s afraid, talk to her tell her u know I don’t keep secrets from u ur my best friend would u keep a secret from me? But Aldo children open up about that stuff when they’re ready it took my daughter a yr and a half to open up and say she had been messed with, don’t force her to open up though or she’s do the opposite , also since she told me about the videos keep a extra eye on her grades and behavior at home and school. If it all continues call dhs because its red flags and if u let her go back after knowing about it that can hold u responsible for everything that happened after ur knowledge of it.

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    • Tara

      Get her evaluated by a professional and do not let her around her dad.

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  42. Anonymous

    Ok so…….This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever done but I seriously need help!

    Ok so I have a daughter who is 8 almost 9. I only get her on the weekends. I never met my daughter until she was 6 almost 7. I fought hard with her mother to be able to see her. Finally the beginning of this year I was able to bring her to my house for the weekends. She quickly became very attached and is a huge daddies girl lol. Well…….it didn’t take long for some weird things to happen.

    First we had gone camping. It was me, my wife, her, my son hes 5, and my other daughter who is 6 months old. Me and my wife slept in the middle of the tent and my son slept on one side of the tent and her and the baby shared the room on the other side of the tent. Now side note. My daughter has a wetting issue. She would pee herself before you could get to a bathroom most times and would wet the bed. Her mom blamed it on a bladder issue and claimed she was going to have her checked out. Anyways. My daughter claimed she was scared cause she had never gone camping before. I tied up the curtain to her side and let her sleep close to our bed and we went to sleep. Well at some point in the night she had snuck into our bed. I awoke to my wife climbing out of the tent the next morning and noticed my daughter was in our bed next to me. She had no pants on. Just her pullup?? I was weirded out and woke her and told her to put her pants back on. By this time I just got up and went out of the tent. Next thing I know my wife confronts me saying that she told her I had made her take her pants off. I WAS ASTONISHED!!!! I would never in my life do such a thing!! I obviously denied such an accusation and called her over and asked her why the heck would she say such a thing and why on earth did she have her pants off anyways?? She froze up and said idk. Well I may have made a mistake but I told her not to say such things because people could get the wrong idea. I mean let’s face it. I’m in a heck of a spot here!

    Now nothing happened for a while and although she is my daughter I am on the defensive obviously lol. I don’t bath her. I don’t help her change. I don’t do anything. Heck for the longest time I was even afraid to be alone with her! It’s terrible and sad cause this is my child.

    As time goes on I get comfortable with her and figured whatever the heck was going on was long over and proceeded to be a daddy.

    Now just recently here comes more weirdness. She is down for a weekend and I notice she seems to be rubbing her area on my leg when she’s on my lap. I found it strange but…….Once again I blow it off due to a lovely conversation I got to hear between my wife and her friends about young girls and humping everything. They teased me about it saying get ready cause all girls do it. Referring to my youngest baby girl. So beings I had the unfortunate pleasure of being a part of this conversation prior to this even. I figured that was what it was and just tried to ignore it.

    So here’s where the even bigger issue begins. She’s here one weekend and me and the kiddos are on the couch watching a kids movie we had rented. This was normal for us to do over the weekend. Kinda a family tradition. Well anyways she is on my lap and my son laying against me. Well my son falls asleep and after a little while I start to dose off myself. I feel my daughter moving around and she took my hand and next thing I know she slides it down her pants! I very quickly jerk it away and ask her what she is doing! She immediately says “I don’t like it” I’m like…….ok??…….why did you do it then??…She repeated what she said. So I got up and took her to the other room as to make her more comfortable with nobody hearing what she’s saying. I asked her again why she did this. I got the same response. So I asked if she had been touched by anybody. She responded quickly shaking her head and saying no. Very confused and distraught I told her we do not do this ever and if anyone does that to tell mommy or daddy and gave her the whole speach on touching.

    Well that stopped for a while. Until just last weekend. Me, her, and her brother was jumping on the trampoline and had gotten worn out and sat down. My son was being silly and she was sitting next to me. She laid against me and I put my arm around her and laid my head on her as in an affectionate hug like daddies do. Well next thing I know she takes my hand and again tries to put it in her pants only this time I realized what she was doing and pulled away fast! My wife comes out to spend time with us and I went to stand by her and talk. My daughter comes and stands in front of me and pulls my hands to her tummy. I continue to talk to my wife and once again I felt her moving my hands down. I pulled away from her and in a daddy tone I told her she needs to go play and she listens. I drive her home that night and told her she needed to stop that and asked her more questions. All I got was silence and awkward stare out of her.

    I am very concerned and I know somthing is behind this. However here the problem that I haven’t yet mentioned. The camping trip incident already made my wife think I had done something. Sure she says she believes me and hasn’t brought it up since but I know my wife and she continues to question I’m sure. Then ontop of that her mother is very quick to scream false accusations against people. She has on many of guys. I’m lucky she didn’t on me back in the day. She even accused her other daughters dad of wrong doing because her other daughter came home playing with her books and laughing. Personally I know the girls dad and know he wouldn’t and the more I learn about kids. It really seems innocent kids play. It only happened once and nothing of any nature since but either way that’s how her mom is.

    Now. What on earth do I do here?? I want sooooo badly to help my daughter. However in a since with the whole camping incident and how her mother is. I’m scared to spill the details of my daughters weird behavior for fear that things will end up twisted and me ending up as the one accused of the wrong doing. If that happens not only would I loose my daughter very quickly but also my wife would leave me in a heartbeat. There’s a lot at stake here. However if I let it go it’s gonna wind up with me in trouble anyways because she is getting bolder and bolder with these encounters.

    Basically what I’m saying is. I want to help my daughter but at the same time I fear that I am in a bad situation of being blamed for something I am not to blame for. Yea I’m totally scared to mention any of this. Especially with everyone so eager to blame a man for doing bad things to children.

    WHAT DO I DO?? PLEASE HELP!

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    • First, I am not a healthcare professional. I am a wife and a mother. Take anything I say here as one parent to another.

      I would recommend you do some research and find a good marriage, family, and child counselor in your area. Make an appointment and see the counselor yourself. Lay everything out. Be completely honest and provide details. Probably the counselor will want to see you and your wife together so you can explain your concerns. The counselor will likely want to see your daughter alone to get her to confide in the counselor without adults around. A good counselor can bring things out of kids that parents can not.

      As you’ve said, doing nothing is not a good way out. Don’t wait for something bad to happen, if you do, you’ll come off as defensive. If you get ahead of this, you have a chance of convincing your wife that you’re not a bad guy.

      Hope that helps.
      @MsGreene

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    • Brandy

      I think its true you are in a difficult situation. But its great you’re trying to get to the bottom of the situation and you should. Seeing that you all relationship is new she may not trust you enough to disclose herself to you. In my opinion your wife would be better at talking with her or even her mother. But the BIG thing is….you CAN’T say someone else wouldn’t do such a thing. Believe me, i was a victim from 2 to 14 because no one believed someone would do such a thing. Get her some counseling. Play therapy would be good. But i pray things work out for you. Don’t rule out ANYONE…. It may have been a father figure and now she acting those fantasies on you in her mind. She needs help now. Thats not normal and DON’T judge her…. Protect her. Don’t go off on her. When she does things like that. Redirect her but don’t offend and ask her questions like who does this to you? In her mind it may be a bad touch or a good tough. Just being honest I was molested and raped for so long. I enjoyed the feeling after a while and that’s so sad to know now that I’m older.

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    • Anonymous

      OK so we have got it worked out. She was being molested by her step dad and was trying to act out with me the things that was being done to her. She had a really bad night and woke up crying and screaming his name and to stop. We took her to the hospital for an exam and CPS and the police got involved. He has been charged and her mother has lost custody of her to me. She is now safe and sound and we have her with a really good councilor. Everything is getting better.

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    • Sally

      Call the authorities and a therapist. It will only show you didn’t do it. Try to help her get to the bottom of her issues. Find out the truth.

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  43. Kizzie

    My 12 year old daughter is acting out of control. I just recently started seeing a man that I’ve been with for about 9 months. Since dating him I realized that he would wait until I go to sleep and get up and roam around the house after I’d asked him not to. He gets angry when I get on to her about things that she, being 12 should know better to do. She’s had different odor’s on her, which to me is the smell of male seman inside and is now exiting her. She lies when I ask her and he shows favor to her out of all my other children. I need help on figuring this out and how to bring whatever is going on to the light before she ends up pregnant. Please help me. Thank you.

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    • Kizzie,

      I’m not a doctor, but I am a mother. Here’s my take …

      It doesn’t matter if the worst thing you think is going on, is or is not. From what you’ve described you do not trust this man. That is no way to build a long-term relationship.

      The sooner you end this relationship the better for everyone.

      Follow your mother’s instinct. Your kids come first.

      @MsGreene

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    • Lil

      He’s Inviously a Preditor!! Get Him Out of Your House& Call The Police FIRST!! It’s There Right in Frint of Your Face Do Sime Thing Now Before Its to Late & Moves on to Your Other Children!!

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  44. Anonymous

    Hi, I just need some advice. A family member is touching me inappropriately now, I’m not sure, 3 years. It’s actually made me scared to talk to boys. He doesn’t do it all the time, but he does quite often. I’ll be with him most of next weekend and I’m actually scared incase he rapes me. Does this count as sexual abuse?

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    • If anyone is touching you inappropriately, you need to talk to an adult you trust. Go to your parents if you can. If you are afraid to tell your parents, tell your school counselor or a teacher. If there is no one at school you trust find a clergy member or call child protective services. You should not be alone with someone who has touched you inappropriately.

      @MsGreene

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      • Lil

        Or Better Still Go to The Police!! Immediately!! No One has The Right to Touch Any One!!

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  45. Darcy

    9 yr old sister asked her 7 yr old brother(me) to lick her genital 12 years ago. I didnt remember it until now. Its unbearable and feels like ripping me apart. Happened once. We’ve been happy and caring siblings. I cant ask my sister about this what happened then. And I dont think she’s been subjected to any molestation or any of such kind as she’s always been happy and cheerful.
    1) Is this normal behaviour in children to do such things as they’re curious about knowing them?
    2) Did she do it with awareness or was it a playful act?
    3) How to resolve this? I also have the doubt that whether this really happened.

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    • Anon

      I’m going to assume you meant 19 and 17 years old now and 7 and 5 years old at the time. Either way, NO, it is not normal. It could have been something she saw on TV, or it could be that she may have been molested. I suppose the only way to find out would be to ask her. She may or may not recall it, though.

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      • Darcy

        She was 91/2 years of age and I was 7years 10 months old back then. Yes, I did ask her later. She told she doesnt remember that and she was abused and thats probably why she behaved so. Is it POSSIBLE for a 91/2 year old to act in a lustful way?

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  46. Michelle

    I’m very frustrated. My 3 year old son had displayed sexual behavior as I saw it so. I would catch the dog licking his penis, my son jumped pillows, tried touching his sisters vagina, and her friends, and tried putting his penis on them as well. When he would get angry he pulled his eyelashes and hair out and used objects to scrape up and down his arms. He admitted he had been sexually abused by the daycare provider and her boyfriend and my 7 year old daughter admitted as well. When asked by their father and the authorities they recanted everything they said to me. I’ve called children protective services everytime they confide in me but then they recant again!! I’m very confused and frustrated right now. Are these signs of abuse? Am I nuts for thinking they’ve been abused?

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    • Er

      Perhaps they recanted it because it was n0t the presch00I but was the father and when the father was there they are scared.put a mini cam in a fI0wer 0f daughters dress 0r hair piece and see what g0es 0n at sch00I an get nanny cam in b0th r00ms n0t teIIing father ab0ut it and where and where eIse they can be aI0ne in h0me with0ut y0u b0thering. Ive seen kids bIame s0me0ne eIse an n0t give same st0ry when abuser in r00m t0 test y0ur Trust.

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    • Lil

      The things you have discribed hair pulling skin mutilation is a sign of sexuall abuse!! It happens to my child!! Get The Police!!& the children should be interviewed with Only You!! With Them.. They are Scared of what will Happen if they Tell when the other Abuser (person) is in the same Room!.

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  47. yeimy hernandez

    I have a situation. My daughter and step dad always got along. Last night they went ice skatting and on the way home he said can I do something, I was curious and she said what, and he pinched her boob. She felt awkard and the next morning told me. I confronted both him and her and he didn’t denied that he did that. He claim he don’t know why he did that. What should I do?

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    • trying to help

      You should tell him to leave the house and figure out an answer to give you before he can come home. Also, you should go to a family counselor. What he did would be regarded as molestation…you should make sure you keep your daughter safe from anything progressing.

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  48. Anonymous

    Hi so my story is I was in preschool I was around three or four and I was in the classroom a very small classroom in this boy around my age he pulled me off to the side and he asked me to pull down my pants and I don’t know why but I just listened and he started rubbing my butt and then my vagina and then the teacher was coming back so I pulled up my pants and acted like nothing ever happened and I just want to know would you consider that sexual abuse or not because it’s been haunting me my whole life and I am now 16 and never told ONE person … but it’s like I didn’t do anything to stop it so I feel like it was partly my fault so I feel like it wasnt really sexual abuse

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    • Children at that age have no idea what sex is all about. As adults, we instruct about private parts, but that’s not enough information for a child to understand what’s going on. This is why children at that age should be supervised.

      It’s very sad you had this experience and that it’s haunted you all these years, but should understand — you are not to blame.

      As to the boy who was involved, we have no idea what’s happened to him since, but it’s good for you to forgive him and move on.

      Hope that helps,
      @MsGreene

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  49. earline.cobb331@gmail.com

    Dr . Greene,

    My granddaughter is 7yr old and she is being molested by her dad. It’s a long story, but this all started when his wife left. Now her dad has 50/50 custody. He is abusing her. They don’t believe the child. They’re trying to say that the mother is behind this. It is not true.

    This is an African American with very dark skin so bruising won’t show very well. The child is telling her mother, but the judge told the mother if she calls the police again that they would take the child from her and give the child to her dad. The child is showing all the signs wetting on herself, not able to sleep at night, won’t be still. Can you please tell me what we can do? No one believes this child. I just don’t understand.

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    • TruthTeller

      Why do you believe the mother over the judge, police, and the father?

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      • I believe the person asking this question is the maternal grandmother of the child.

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      • eb

        she believes the child…

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  50. Kate

    My friend’s husband recently has been arrested for touching his own children and a sibling of one of his. Problem is the story told by the three children doesn’t add up. One says one thing while the other two have different stories. She believes the two children, a brother and sister, may have been coached by their mom. As the boy told a counselor he wanted to live with his dad, not his mom and rumors have started flying if the young boy was molested by his other siblings, and told if he told, they would never see each other again. The police said the girls had no physical proof, but the boy did. What should she do? She feels every time she says anything they tell her she is in denial.

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  51. Veronica

    My husband got physical and legal custody of my stepdaughter more than a year ago because her mom was always on drugs and in and out of jail. She told me a while ago that someone had touched her peepee and we called the police and we got a detective to work on the case but pretty much they couldn’t do anything because she was 3 at the time and she didn’t remember who did it!!?? She’s 5 now . the other day I walked into the kids bedroom I noticed my 2 year old putting a toy on my stepdaughter private area (she had clothes on) I asked what were they doing and she said their playing caca peepee game and that my stepdaughter made it up! I asked her why is she playing that and if anyone has ever touched her and she said “mom used to put her finger in my peepee and rub my butt”. I was shocked!!! She pointed at her first finger and said with this finger!!!! Is it possible she making it up?? Or could she be confused?? I need help!!

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    • Er

      aIways beIieve the chiId she d0nt just make this crap up s0me0ne hurt her

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      • Anon

        Actually, sometimes children do make it up; however, I hope you got authorities involved to try and find out. It is very rare for a mother to molest a daughter, but that does not mean the child is making it up or that it doesn’t happen. With the mother being on drugs, that could obscure her mentality. Either way, it is damaging this little girl if it’s true. Did you call authorities?

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  52. Robbie

    Over the passed week I was informed by my sister that her child had a complete melt down and had to be sent to the office to speak with the counselor because he was so out of sorts that the school was worried about him. The counselor called my sister and her boyfriend into the office because the counselor couldn’t get him to talk. When he did finally talk, he told them that one day over the summer that my son had been watching TV and pulled his underwear to the side and licked his penis and he pushed him away! So on this very day my sister shows up at my house uncontrollably crying and upset, goes on to tell me what was said. I turn to my son and ask what’s he talking about. My son is 8 years old so he says, “I don’t know” and starts crying. So I leave and drive down the road asking all kinds of questions, trying to use grace so he will open up. Finally he tells me his truth and its a bit different from his cousin’s truth. So my son tells me that he did lick his penis, but only after his cousin told him to and that he did it very fast, only a second, but when he stopped his cousin told him to do it for 10 minutes. My son told him No and then they went back to watching cartoons! Sense the summer my nephew has came over and spent the night (just the weekend before this melt down at school) he spent the night and No behaviour on either part (his or my son’s) to suggest they had a problem with each other. But then 3 days later he can’t breath and is in the counselor’s office?????? I am a lost mom right now because I love my son and nephew, but it has caused a BIG issue between me and my sister because she believes her son and I believe mine. So what should we do???? Heartbroken Family Right now!!!!!!!

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    • Anon

      I know this is old, but things like this happen with curious children. I am no physician, but I do have two nephews (cousins) who did something similar around age 5. There was a third kid involved, non-relative, too. They were all talked to about it and then all parents involved kept a very close eye on all the boys when they were together. There was also some animosity between the parents at first, each blaming the other parent for letting their kid see this or that on TV, etc. They all got over it, though, and we carried on with family functions and just let it go.

      All of these boys are grown now, the cousins are still the best of friends, and they think nothing of it – probably don’t even remember it!

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  53. kelly

    hi I came about this website as desperately searching for answers ..I have no idea what to do ….I am a young mom I am 21 my child is now 21 months ..this has been her first year in cresh for her first year of her life she has stayed home with me ..she goes to a day mommy who has other helpers and the kids are sometimes left alone with these helpers ..this school has always given me a funny vibe but I have had the thought back in my mind that maybe I was over reacting ,there are a few other kids that go to this cresh to …as being a sexually molested child myself, I find that I am very insecure with people around my daughter and even battle to trust my own husband he has never let me doubt for a second that he would do anything but because of my younger years this sort of thing comes rom the person least expected. for the past couple of months my daughter has had a whole personality change , I thought it was maybe the influence of the other kids seeing as shes the only child??.but the way she has changed lately leaves me to think other wise…in the beginning it started off with her sometimes fighting with me to get in the bath or taking off her nappy..she has always been a bit clumbsy but lately has a lot of scratches on her back ,she sometimes has loss of appetite and is VERY clingy and all of a sudden cries easily my child is very strong she is not like this she is so sensitive lately I just don’t know what to think and has recently become a favourite of a teacher at her school this sort of behavior just makes me scared need advice please!!!

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    • Melanie

      Hi, I am in the exact same situation. she’s changed so much and her creche has a tendency of keeping things from myself and other parents. It makes me nervous because she’s so different, quiet and nervous, around the staff,, cries when its bathtime and she has to take her clothes off, she’s been wetting and soiling her pants -at school only- and they try to tell me its my fault but she’s completely potty trained with me. her end year show is coming up in a week, since Thursday she’s been having nightmares, crying in her sleep, not wanting school as much and now I’m even too afraid to sign the release form so they can practice at the concert venue because I think its her teacher who has been complained about by other parents concerning physical abuse.
      I’m scared something will happen and i’ll never know. when I try to talk to the creche principal about anything to do with my child, she tries to indirectly tell me that I’m being nosy and a nuisance. I’m pulling her out next year but what about now?? everyday counts!!!
      Panicked!!

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      • Anon

        My niece had this same concern about her daughter with a man that was a “helper” at her daughter’s daycare. She pulled her out the same day that her daughter mentioned this man kissing her cheek. She never took her back and spent a few days finding a new daycare that has camera surveillance so she could actually log in and see her daughter throughout the day. I’m not sure what “creche” is, but I’m assuming either daycare or kindergarten? Either way, no one should tell you you’re a nuisance when you have concerns that someone there is touching your daughter. That’s suspicious to me…that they would act that way instead of investigating. I sure hope both of you were able to remove your baby girls from their respective schools!

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  54. Vicky

    I have a 3 year old daughter that when I go to give her a bath she complains about not wanting to remove her underwear. This past weekend we went on a family trip with family members she’s never met before and when I went to change her into her bathing suit she started freaking out and saying are they going to laugh (I’m not sure what she means but this) once her underwear was off she started crying hysterically. My cousin said its not normal and asked her if somebody has touched her vagina ( we’ve explained to her what a vagina and a penis is, and that she shouldn’t let anyone touch her and that she needs to tell mommy or daddy if somebody touches her) she told my cousin that a girl at school (daycare) touched her, yesterday morning she told me that a girl at school had touched her without being asked. De hasn’t been to daycare in about a month. I took her out of daycare because whenever we would get in the area where the daycare is located she would start crying, screaming and yelling that she didn’t want to stay at daycare and she would cling to the lady that ran the daycare. I don’t really know what to do and I’m trying to keep my husband calm about this before he does anything reckless.
    I need advice.

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  55. vic

    My grandma raised me. She was the most important person in the world to me. She was all I had as a parent.

    My grandmothers male friend claimed to be important, which was definitely is not the case. From about the age 7 to 11 he would touch me and make me touch him. He called it a big hug. (I am 30 now). He told me if I told anyone about it he would kill my grandma and he showed me with what he would do it. He had a 303 shot gun and slugs under his bed in a unlocked case. So I didn’t dare say a word about it until he was no longer a threat. The day he passed away from a heart attack was the day I told her what he had done. She told me and I quote, “I wish you would have told me before, I would have sued the bastard for everything he owned.”

    I pushed what happened aside and went on with my life. I have no problems talking about my experiences now, about how and what happened, but on my terms.

    (Please make sure that you know for sure of who it was because wrongfully accusing someone will stay over their head for life and ruin someones life forever.)

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  56. Anonymous

    I just turned 15, I have 2 young siblings, my parents are divorced and have both remarried, I am very worried when we stay with my mother and stepfather. My younger sisters never want to leave my dads house. Every weekend we leave they cry so much. They have started doing some pretty weird things too, but my dad doesn’t notice as much. When we go to my mom’s, she works a lot. I try to keep a close eye on them, but my stepfather tells me to do chores and I am very afraid of him. I am sure they are being hurt, but they don’t like to talk about it much. I just don’t know what to do. I am going to tell my stepmom soon, I just don’t know what to say.

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    • It’s great that you are looking out for your younger siblings.

      Have you tried telling you mom that you are afraid of your stepdad? And that you are worried about your younger siblings? She needs to know. Can you talk to your father about your fears? You mentioned your stepmom as an option. Are there other people like you high school counselor? A Priest or Pastor?

      Whether there’s a deeper problem or not, it’s important that you listen to your inner fears and take action.

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    • Amanda

      Please Tell someone you trust Right now! Don’t let the abuse occur even one more time. Support your sisters and tell them that no matter what someone threatens to do, that you believe them and you will help protect them. Good Luck. But again- TELL SOMEONE RIGHT NOW! Tell a trusted adult, tell a teacher, counselor or principal at school or just tell the police, just please tell someone.

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  57. Clearwater

    Hi I have a question. When I was about 5 or 6 , I remember my dad giving me a bath. I recall thinking ..this is unusual but thought it was OK as mum was away and someone needed to bathe me. I very clearly remember dad moving his fingers inside and around my vagina. I remember thinking ” this is a little unusual but maybe dad is making sure I am ‘clean’. I then remember him pusing his finger very lightly into my vagina to the point it hurt. As soon as I reacted to the pain, which was pretty instant, he pulled away, threw a towel at me and left. I can not remember anything else ever happening like that but i remember being very consious of myself when I was around him, like covering up. I am 35 yrs old now and lately this as come to haunt me. Am I over reacting to a minor incident? ?:(.

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    • shirley

      Just reading your post, I can tell you right off you were sexually abused. He had no right to touch you in such a way and the other thing is he felt guilt and didn’t do it anymore. So maybe he never bothered anyone else, but can anyone be sure? I am so sorry for what he did to you. I pray that you find the answers you seek so you can find peace of mind.

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    • Anonymous

      definately not over reacting, what he did was awful

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    • Anonymous

      That same thing happened to me, except I was 11-12. My dad would come upstairs to wake me up and he tried “tickling” me to wake me up. After a couple times, he started going under my clothing and touching my vagina and breasts, he also tried to get me to touch his penis. I pretended to be asleep because I was scared of his reaction. This happened for about a month or two. I figured out that if I wake up and get up before he came to wake me up he would leave me alone.
      Recently I found out about a girl who was molested by her father and it made me very emotional and brought back those memories. I can’t get them out of my head, I am 20 years old, it feels like just yesterday tho. So I’m trying to figure out, was I molested?
      I live at home with my parents still, and I feel very uncomfortable around my dad… What should I do?

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      • Andrea

        Anonymous,

        I don’t know if the correct term is molested, but I would think it is, and it was definitely not an appropriate touch. There is no reason a man should ever be touching a girl’s vagina at that age (or ever, you understand, unless briefly bathing her or something), and of course it wasn’t right to go under your clothes and touch you, period, nor to try to get you to touch him. I think you should get the police involved and talk to a counselor. I am so sorry this happened to you.

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    • Michael Frizzell

      Your father putting his fingers in your vagina is not a minor incident and you are certainly not over reacting. I would consider going to a counselor or something really, you were very young so you don’t even see or know how it has and is affecting you still and talking to a professional could be beneficial.

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    • Will Cannella

      if that’s the only thing that ever happened and it only happened once yes you overreacting needless to worry

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      • MLM

        Oh Will you’re an idiot! Obviously you’ve never been abused or you ARE an abuser! Why tell someone that if someone only touched you once you’re over reacting!! Let someone abuse you and we’ll just sit here and tell you, you’re over reacting!

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  58. Kay

    I feel deep in my heart that my 6 year old grandson is being molested and him and I are very close .I know he is going to tell me about it soon.I have not said one word to him about this at all. He comes to my house and he never wants to go home .He cries every time I leave him when I take him back home. He gets real queit the whole ride there. He recently started having nightmares. Real bad ones and wetting the bed, mom warned me when I picked him up Monday. He did not a single nightmare nor did he wet the bed the 2 nights he stayed. When I took him home today . He was so quiet and sad .He told me he really loved me and that I shouldn’t,t have to take him to his moms that I should take him home to our home grandma where its safe. I need to handle this right . I know my suspicion are right(more then this has occurred). I want to know the best way i can help him legally ,mentally, and to gain custody. He has only been with mom since she took him from me n my state in 2013, lost custody to cps a month later,got custody back because CPS is blind and deaf and she talked a good one and cries and because if you can.t afford a lawyer or compete with one in court( 6 years of law school) and a practicing lawyer vs grandma Right

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    • Amanda

      Please call the police right away! It is Your obligation to keep this child safe.

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  59. Mob

    Is it strange for a grandfather to want to give his grandsons ( 5 and 2 ) a bath. And for him to shower with his 6 year old grandson? And sometimes the 6 year old sleeps in grandpa’s bed too when he stays overnight ( the 6 year old has had sleeping issues; as in he doesn’t like sleeping by himself ). Is that weird too?

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    • KD

      Dear MOB, Yes that is weird. No normal grandfather/father/uncle/brother wants to give young children a bath just to clean them. You have absolutely nothing to lose by NOT having the grandfather bath or sleep with the children, but you have a very good possibility of enabling a child molester if you do. My grandfather was a child molester and he would “take naps” with me- my mother insisted I take a nap. Kids want to be loved, cared for and given attention. Child molesters are sneaky and clever. They know how to take advantage of a totally innocent child- and silence them- and lure in trusting, stupid, passive, weak adults who don’t follow simple safety protocol to protect their children. or worse, they are too cowardly to stand up if they do know because a child was brave enough to tell them.

      There should be rules: Rule #1, only a trusted parent baths a child, Rule #2, children do not sleep, nor lay down with, other adults. Rule #3, no kissing on the lips, nor passing of food from mouth to mouth, from ANY adult, ever. period. That goes for no forced hugs either. RULE #4, No body touches your body or looks at your private parts and you don’t look at or touch- with any body part- other people’s private parts. No messaging, no butt slapping, no fondling of any kind and no “accidental” touching, and esp no tickling (which is not fun- just because a kid laughs it is not FUNNY it is forced and it actually hurts and leads to the “accidental” touching. (which is not the kids fault if it does happen, you need to reiterate that- but they do need to tell you if it does)

      Rule #4, ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS. if you are being signaled in some way that something is not right, you need to act on that. It is like your angels talking to you. KIDS CAN’T PROTECT THEMSELVES. They have to have an adult who has the moxy and courage to be the HERO in their life-whether they know it or not. Make no apologies for standing by your rules or for keeping your children safe. (and when I say your children I mean all the children in your life-look around your circle, they are all yours to protect) That is your right and responsibility.

      Rule #5, TELL. If you know it or think it, or have your doubts. Express your concerns with other parents who have children that may be exposed to that person as well. Also you should express to that person how you feel/think. They may get offended. But oh well. If they are bad, you put them on notice, kids in your circle will not be messed with. It they are good, they will appreciate your honesty and straightforwardness and see how their actions are being interpreted and make adjustments to their behavior to respect your wishes. You may just save a child from life long turmoil-which can present itself in so many adverse ways as they grow into adulthood.

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      • Yanuayra

        I have a nine,seven and six yr old.they were taken away from me in the past.unfortunately their father has custody of the 7 and 6yr old.my gutt is telling me that their father is molesting them.we broke up because I woke up one day, and he was on his kneesknees in front of me masterbating he was touching me on top of my clothes.I’m usually a very heavy sleeper. When I confronted him with my mother present he said I was just too smoked out and lying.now my daughters are extremely secretive I’m afraid that their hidding it from me because hes blackmailing them,maybe threatened or being black mailed but they appear to be nervous when they know I’m watching repeatedly hugging him in front of me

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  60. Mrio

    My sister is 51 now and although she has always known she was raped by our father..who is dead now..she is just beginning to remember the worst of the details..through flooding of flashbacks and horrendous night terrors. She has shared these details with us, her family, and they are horrific. The abuse began when she was 4 until she was 11. No one knew as my father was a sneaky bastard taking her to abandoned parking lots and junk yards or waitng for the house to be empty and they woyld be alone also telling her he would kill her and me if she cried or told anyone. So at 4 she learned to not cry, not feel, and protect her entire family. She was also tortured and physically beaten. She was taken to the doctor on several occasions for severe bladder and kidney infections as well as why she was still wetting her bed at 8-10 yrs old. Now this was late 60s and 70s..but not one doctor question why so many infections or bedwetting. In fact she was lectured about not drinking enough water. They didn’t protect her. She always hoped they’d figure out her infections were due to rape. She was too afraid to tell. She was just sent home for more abuse. I woder if she can sue the medical community we dealt with at the time? Had just one doctor suspected what seems so obvious now, sexual abuse and called authorities..she might have been spared years more of this horror. But, she’s now in and out of psych wards and stabilization therapy and group therapy but nothing is sticking. She recently tried to kill herself but we stopped her in time. So afraid she will try again.

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    • What a terrible and sad story. My heart goes out to you and your sister.

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  61. grace

    I am the grandma. I visit my 2 year old grand-daughter 3 times a week. This is what I have observed. For two years. I have found on the computer of my daughters house, showing porn site, which is my son-in-law views. I was not happy with this. Her dad has always bath her and I have told my daughter numerous times this is not appropriate. My daughter seems to think its okay . I notice dad seems to have the mom preoccupied with something else,while he baths her. She is 2yrs old now and this is still continuing. Then my daughter tells me when she baths the granchild (dad out of town), the grand baby actually poses laying down nude side was like you would see in a playboy magazine. Then I decide to give her a bath and she does the same thing for me. Then my daughter says that she finds out that the mother -law tells her that she should not leave grand-baby home alone with grandfather because he has history or porn. Father and son the same. The dad is known for drinking heavy on and off, for sure a bottle every two weeks. i have told my daughter its not good for dad to bath the baby and then he wiil send us off to do errans. Today I saw something that shocked me horrible. The dad came home from work. I allowed him and his daughter to have time together told him I was going to go in basement do laundry. I came to the main floor, where the dad and grand baby were, as I proceeded up the next flight of stairs, I was able to see into the living room, the grand baby had all her clothes off, standing on the sofa NAKED AND THE DAD TELLING HER HOW TO POSE NUDE AND OPEN YOUR LEGS A BIT MORE AND LIFT YOUR HANDS UP****And he was taking pictures with his phone.
    I did speek up for the grand baby told her shame you are not allowed to be naked cover up. Told dad WHO WAS SUPER SURPRISED. TO SEE I WAS NO LONGER IN BASEMENT, I told you do not do that to a child she will grow up thinking she will do that for others too, its a law and you ****** will go to jail the cops will come and pull yoir phone emails and what you view on line. he had some cheese excuse for his bad behaviour.

    WHAT SHOULD I DO NEXT ? I AM VERY CONCERN. I AM IN THE SHOCK MOLD AND CANNOT THINK CLEAR TO REACT PROPERLY

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    • Melanie

      You need to call the cops NOW. Do not let him get away with this or you will be guilty too.

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    • Amanda

      Just tell the police- they will handle it from there and investigate the details. Stop that now!

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    • Annittha

      You need to call cops now! Pls do it fast and quick!

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    • KD

      Hi Grace, It has been almost 5 months since your post, what did you end up doing? Please give an update that tells me that you did what you needed to do to protect the child. That sick man needs to be out of your grandchild’s life and in prison. You are a witness. You have responsibility here.

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  62. jason

    My neighbor’s 8 year old son confides in me every now and then about things that he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to his parents about. A couple of weeks ago he told me about something that he’s been doing, and it just shocked me beyond belief.

    Every once in a while he said he brings his almost 2 year old little brother in his bedroom with him, and forces him to perform oral sex. The way he puts it “I make him suck my peepee”. I was so shocked. That was something that I thought I just had to tell his parents instantly.

    So that night I went over and told them. They called their son over and asked him if he was doing this. Of course he said no. Now the parents think I’m totally lying about the whole situation and don’t want anything to do with me anymore.

    Here’s the thing. When their son was telling me all of this, he was doing so under one of my security cameras which also picks up audio. I have his whole confession on audio. Now I don’t know what to do with it. The parents are the type that won’t even listen to it. They hate me now. I’m asking, what should I do?

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    • Melanie

      Jason, you need to inform either the cops, or Child Protective Services. It is likely the boy is learning that from someone in the home, but even if he isn’t, his brother is now a victim, and if the parents won’t do anything someone HAS to. Call CPS!! You can remain anonymous! I’m sure they’ll know it’s you but who cares – they already don’t like you, so don’t worry about that. Do the right thing.

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  63. sc

    I have a two year old who will be three in a couple of months. Over the past month I have been noticing different things that she has been doing. She has been putting her hand over peoples mouths and telling them to “shut your mouth”, she has also been very clingy to me, and tries to kiss me with her tongue. I’m not sure what to think as she is not old enough to come out and tell me what is going on. I am separated from her father and he has her two to three days a week but every time he comes to get her she throws a fit not wanting to go with daddy. Am I missing something here? or is there anything I should be doing?

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    • Can you share your observations with her father and ask him if he’s noticed anything amiss? Working together may be difficult, but collaborative parenting after separation and divorce is great for kids.

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    • Amanda

      Also make sure you record any conversation about the subject on your phone. So that you can give it to proper authorities.

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    • Cassie

      I have been experiencing the same things with my two year old she will be three by the end of this month. She goes over to her grandparents house just about every Saturday night since we had our new baby 6 months ago. over several months I have noticed signs such as the ones you discribed. I had chalked these signs up to my over sensitivity, since I was molested and fear it could happen to my little ones. She would always come home with a horrible dipear rash and some times a swallowen anus when returning from her grandparents house. Some times she would scream bloody murder when I or my husband changed her, and at one point she decided she hated baths suddenly. Those signs dissipated… And she became ok with baths again and the dipear rashes happened less often. But she would hold my mouth while I was talking and tell me to shut up as well. Signs have only gotten more disturbing as of late. Last night my daughter asked me to open my mouth as she attempted to French kiss me, when I struggled to get away she held my head and said, “shhhh…. Your safe.” I asked what did you say? And she repeated “your safe” I instantly felt sick to my stomach. She was also blanketing her self over me in a concerning manner. Just the night before she kissed me in a very sensual manner and in between her kissed she said “I just love you too much” I of course freaked out and told my husband but he calmed me down and we moved on. But she has also saying things like “the cat won’t hurt me he loves me” and things of that nature…. I don’t know what to do, what she is saying makes me think that some one is doing that to her!

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      • Cassie,

        The important thing is to listen to your intuition. It doesn’t feel right to you, so act on the feeling. Connect with an expert — your child’s pediatrician or a child psychologist. He or she can help you. Until you can get an appointment, don’t leave your child with others. She is safe with you.

        @MsGreene
        Mom, Co-founder DrGreene.com, not a doctor

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  64. Emr

    My step daughter been worrying me for yrs!iv talk to my husband multiple times off and on.about his daughters behavior. Well now my 3and 2yr act up bad ever time she home my daughter whos.2 wont share or sleep in same room . They dont want to sit by step daughter. My kids are trying to touch each other peepee ,kiss butts, i just seen my 3yr boy holding down my 2yr trying to put a small squit gun in her butt.in the last month my kids cry every time i walk out the door. They are hitting kicking pushing and fighting like never before wesling and what looks like trying to hump each other.im really think my step daughter is touching them.i know shes hurt them.before with hitting and picking them up.and throwing them. Im a stay at home mom never get a sitter so they are only with me 90% of the time my.step.daughter is.with us mon-fri and i do leave her alone with them to take out trash and mow the yrd my husband works alot nd isn’t home much. So is it possible step is doing something to my kids? Or am i being paranoid…

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  65. Ange

    Hi Dr Greene, my 2 yr old son told me for a month that his bottom was sore. He is fully toilet trained. After a month of hearing about his sore bottom, I asked him why it was so sore, and he told me “cos rah rah bites it” (rah rah is his sister, 11 years older).

    His sister has had bowel problems since the age of 2.

    I had reasons to be suspicious about her grandfathers intentions toward her. She admitted 4 years ago that she was being touched and that it has been going on for as long as she can remember. She indicated in a picture that she was being touched on her vagina and breasts. Long story short, she told us in October that it was her paternal grandfather who has touched her.

    There were a few occasions that had my questioning her behaviours with my 2 yr old, about a month or 2 leading up to my son saying this about his sister. She had been interviewed by police (kid friendly discussion) where they asked her if she has been biting my son on his bottom (remembering his bottom to him is his entire genital region), and she said “NO”. That was the end of it. case closed…..

    I have left my husband and taken my son with me, as I don’t believe my son, at 2 yrs of age, could be making up this kind of story. Do you think (as I believe) it is likely that she has been sexually inappropriate with my son??

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  66. Stephens

    I just found out that my 11 year old step daughter has ‘kissed’ my 5 year old granddaughter and touched others inappropriately. I have been telling my boyfriend for years that his daughter has been doing things that I think are inappropriate. I could never say EXACTLY what I saw, because I didn’t SEE it happen, but I saw them under the covers once 2 years ago and that’s where it started. I told him and he dismissed it. So I kept my granddaughter away from her. In the meantime the 11 year old got caught looking up porn and she started masturbating in broad daylight. I talked to her mother and they got her in counseling. They determined that she hadn’t been molested but come to find out she saw ‘two girls kissing on her daddy’s phone” when she was very young. She did 6 months of counseling, started acting better, and they dropped the counseling. Then it all started up again….

    about a year later my granddaughter spent the night and they were playing in their room. I checked on them every 5 minutes because I don’t trust the 11 year old. They were laying next to each other on the bed, nobody touching anybody, but I could tell what she was trying to do, and I separated them. Long story short, after years of him not believing me I started telling her mother. I KNEW SHE NEEDED HELP and her mother did believe me. We found out yesterday that the 11 year old has been inappropriate with several younger girls. I’ve been on this crusade to get this little girl better, and now I feel like I cannot continue to be in this relationship because my daughter is not going to let my granddaughter visit me when she finds out this has happened. And I’m not sure I EVEN WANT to be in this anymore. My boyfriend’s first reaction was to leave before anyone else got hurt and I feel like he’s just STICKING HIS HEAD IN THE SAND AGAIN. I’m so torn.

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      • ss

        I don’t know what my heart is saying. I’m so conflicted. I am really about to lose it. I’m so confused. I’m angry. idk what to do…I really don’t. I’m not comfortable with EITHER option, staying or going. I’m so sick.

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        • What a tough position you’re in. Is “taking a break” to figure this all out an option?

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          • Er

            NEVER EVER CH00SE a Man 0ver a chiId!!!EspeciaIIy when this happened. U kn0w its wr0ng and y0u can n0t be ar0und 24/7 eventuaIIy y0u sIeep and use Iadies r00m. As weII y0u are 0bIigated t0 teII daughter. H0Iding it fr0m her is absurd. Y0u are n0t mentaIIy weII if Y0u find it 0k t0 n0t teII her

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  67. Anonymous

    When i was 7 years old my brother would make me remove my clothes n play around.n tell me not to tell anyone about it.i didnt.it went on for a year.ive not told anyone but as a person.ive grown to be one with a low self esteem.im 21 now.im getting nightmares sometimes.i wanted some help.it was repeated in my fifth grade.im scared of trusting people..ive become an introvert.i dont like it when someone touches me or hugs me.i cant express myself to anyone.i am.numb to feelings.n i mostly feel disconnected to the world.

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    • I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s a horrible thing. Please seek professional help. You can get through this, but not without help.

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    • dest

      I am 15 years old. I don’t know what to do. When I go to sleep at night I wake up to my dad touching my butt then he picks me up and puts me in the bathroom. He pulls down my pants and underwear and says that he thinks of it like your a baby with a bottle. I’m really scared about this. It feels weird when I am around him.

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      • trying to help

        If you havent already, tell someone now!

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  68. Dani

    My husband caught my daughter with her pants down in her room. When he asked what she was doing she said playing doctor. After a 30 minute discussion she told me the neighbor boy taught her at his house. She was very emotional and scared. The 7 year old boy denies it and his parents believe he is innocent. I babysat them for about a year prior to this. He never showed signs of being like that. Im lost and in need of advice asap!

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  69. worried

    My 5 yr old daughter drew a picture of a penis today. To my knowledge she shouldn’t know what they are as she hasn’t seen one.when i asked her why did she think it looked like that her story’s have changed from
    – seen her father’s partners son getting nappy change
    – seen a kids pants fall down in the street and
    – she just knows
    She’s told be no one has ever touched any of her private areas (chest or bottom area) and she’s never been asked to touch anyone else’s. She has been telling a lot of lies lately and making up stories so I’m at a loss of how to go about finding out the truth and have been in tears myself thinking about this the last 2 hours. Any ideas how to go about finding out the truth without stressing her more?

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  70. Asami

    My dad Touches my butt even after I told him to stop. He doesn’t do it as often as he used to. Another time I was tying my shoes and he was pretending there was no room for him to walk by so he shoved his ass in my face.
    He also would say things like “it was my butt first” when he touched my butt.

    Are these signs of rape or is this sexual assault?

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    • Laylah

      It doesn’t sound like sexual assault or rape to me. However, if you have told him to stop touching your butt and he is still doing it this may be a sign that he may attempt to sexually violate you. Your fathers touches are inappropriate, and from what I learned about sexual abuse is that it often starts with what people consider “innocent touches”. Touching someones butt, breast, penis, or vagina is always inappropriate when you have told the person to “stop”, even if it is your father. If your mother is around you should tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable, even if your dad says he’s just joking around, tell her you don’t like it.

      Best

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    • CJ

      This is sexual assault in my opinion. The definition of sexual assault is any unwanted physical contact. Also if you ask someone to stop and they do not it could be considered harassment.

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    • k

      Please talk to your school counselor. This is NOT normal.

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    • Melanie

      This is SEXUAL, this is WRONG. Tell your mother or another trusted adult – tell a counselor or principal or teacher at your school.

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  71. Clint

    I just found out through my 13yr old daughter that her 11(almost 12)yr old brother showers with his mother(my ex wife). I have custody of both of the children and she sees them every other weekend. I am horribly frustrated with this and need assistance in taking the right steps to deal with this. Supposedly my son begs her to take showers together and she agrees to it. She is 39 years old / works at an elementry school and knows better than to shower with a boy that old. Please help.

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  72. Amy

    I rang my daughter last night. We had not seen or spoken to each other for many years but she reconnected with me a few months ago. When my daughter answered the phone, she was absolutely panic stricken. Her 6 year old daughter (my granddaughter who I have not seen for years) had blood in her urine and my daughter was on the way to the emergency department of the local hospital.

    I was suspicious about my granddaughter’s ailment, as she had just come home from spending a weekend with her “biological father” and my daughter told me they sleep together in his bed. As my daughter and her exhusband do not talk at all, and her exhusband has just come out of jail after many years. Who has anger management issues, including being controlling, emotionally and physically abusive. When my daughter answered the phone, she yelled at me to “stay out of it” after I had told her to tell the doctor my granddaughter had just come home after spending the weekend with her father.

    I rang her tonight (after speaking to my granddaughter who said I had been naughty ringing her mother at the hospital, which was very unlike her) and my daughter said her daughter had a urinary tract infection. As a registered nurse I knew this was unusual for a 6 year old child. I became suspicious. I rang my daughter this afternoon and she again told me it was none of my business. That she is the mother and it was not my right to suspect my granddaughter’s father of sexual misconduct. She was extremely aloof, and so was my granddaughter with me, it was an extremely short conversation and I am concerned. Very concerned that her father is interfering with her.

    My daughters ex-husband punched my daughter daily, and verbally abused her during the course of their short marriage. My daughter is already under the watchful eye of the Department of Childrens Services and her exhusband is trying to get custody of his daughter. What should I do?

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    • LM

      You NEED to do something about this your granddaughter could be very possibly getting raped which can lead to mental instability . If your daughter doesn’t listen you need to contact CPS or someone Becuase this poor child is getting raped.

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  73. Anonymous

    I’m 12, almost 13, and I’ve been concerned lately. My grandfather has been slapping my butt whenever I walk by or he walks by or when I hug him. It’s been making me really uncomfortable, but when I ask him to stop, he just gets mad and says that I shouldn’t take a joke so seriously.

    I definitely feel like it’s not a joke, and the fact that I’ve told him to stop and he hasn’t has been making me feel uncomfortable. Only a few days ago I had bought a bathing suit with my grandmother, and he made me “model” it for him while my grandmother wasn’t home. I told her later, but she dismissed it and said I shouldn’t worry. Also, sometimes if I’m on the couch, he’ll come sit next to me and literally start rubbing my thigh, and I have to get up quickly because I get nervous.

    At night sometimes I can’t sleep because of this, and I end up locking myself in the bathroom for hours, hoping nothing happens. I haven’t told anyone, but even my father is paranoid about my grandfather, saying if he does anything I should tell him immediately, but I’m afraid. What do I do? I really need help.

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    • It’s great that you aren’t just burying your discomfort. It doesn’t matter if you grandfather has ill intentions or not, you are uncomfortable and it’s okay for you do say “I don’t feel comfortable with that behavior.” Avoid “You make me feel uncomfortable” or anything that would assign blame. He may just be joking, but it doesn’t matter because you feel uncomfortable. It’s great that you told him how you feel, but I’d suggest that you say it in front of other people. Whenever he does anything that you are uncomfortable about say it and try to time it when other people are around so they can reenforce it. If he sits on the couch next to you, you can say thing like “nothing personal, but I just need more personal space.” It he slaps your bottom, “You may be joking, but it doesn’t feel funny to me so please stop.”

      If he only does these things when others aren’t around, repeat it when others are around. “Grandfather thinks it’s a joke to slap my butt. It doesn’t feel funny to me, so I asked him to stop.” You are reporting something that happened. You’re not accusing. You’re not saying he’s bad, just that it’s not funny to you. You’re not a little girl any more and what might have been a joke earlier, isn’t now.

      I don’t know your grandfather’s heart or intentions. But consider finding safe ways of interacting with him. Perhaps play cards or board games where you sit across a table from each other.

      If any man comes into your room at night, scream. Scream as loud as you can. Wake up everyone in the house. You were asleep, someone came into your room and you are scared so it’s okay for you to scream. If this happens when no one else is home, still scream. Make sure the man knows you will not be silent.

      I hope this helps.

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    • ana

      Tell your parents now, they will not be mad at you :) What your grandfather is doing in inappropriate and your dad won’t be able to help you unless you say something. Be strong. You can do it. Just tell your parents.

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    • Laylah

      My advice is you should tell your parents what has been going on. What your grandfather is doing is inappropriate, and his behavior may lead to sexual abuse. Tell your parents, they will be glad you did.

      Best

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    • Frances Williams

      Hello,
      Your grand father has no right rubbing, or touching you if it makes you feel uncomfortable. There is no mention of your mother or other relatives in your life. Tell your mother or someone else you trust. If you do not have a mother, or other family members to talk to then contact a school counselor. Your principal at school can locate a counselor for you. If all else fail call police. This does not sound like a safe place for you to visit. Stop all visits with grandma cause she seems clueless about how to protect you from your grandfather. Stay safe.

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  74. dhariya

    I was sexually molested from 5 to 12 years by maternal uncle…he touched my hymen and tell to touch his private part…he gave oral sex at age of 6 and 12, two times…but I escaped from penis, vaginal intercourse…now I am 24…till now survived, only by god’s grace…..I kept secret only with god, cry to him…I didn’t tell my parents….I don’t like to marry also because of this guilt….My parents searching for their bridegroom….Please suggest me how to solve this problem….that stupid man blames me.

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    • Victimized No More

      I can completly relate to you , dhyariya. A close relative started my torment when I was 8. Went on to the age of 13. The ONLY thing he didn’t make me do was intercourse. He told me not to Daddy or anyone. They would be angry at me and blame me. He also said he loved me so much and that was why he did that. I grew up NEVER telling a living soul. (only my wonderful counselor) and husband. I was also brutally raped by a police officer at 17. So now I am deathly afraid of them. I never will tell my family. This will be with me til death. Please seek counseling now! It has helped in so many ways. I know exactly what you feel and think. It is not your fault!! Keep telling yourself this! You did nothing wrong!

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  75. Heather

    We have two sons 2 and 5 years old. About 6 months ago we got a foster son who is 16. Tonight on a bike ride my 5 yo told me that ‘Andy’ put his pee pee against my pee pee. As I was putting him to bed tonight I asked him what was that he said about ‘Andy’ and he said the same thing. He then said…oh no. It was his wet finger that he touched me with and then he gave me candy. I didn’t want to press the conversation. I told him to not let anyone touch his pee pee.

    Now I’m freaking out! I recorded the conversation but what do I do now? Do I confront our foster son or have my son questioned by someone else like a professional?

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  76. Alli

    I was at work 4pm-10pm,came home and woke my 15 month old up. As soon as she saw me she started crying and being upset. I held her and asked her what was wrong. Are you okay? Mommy’s here. I asked her did something happen? She nodded her head yes. I said what happened? She starts rambling in baby talk and I couldn’t understand anything. I’m trying to ask her questions. Like yes no questions and she answers, but is hesitate and then nothing silence.

    I’m so confused. Am I being paranoid? In the household is me (mom), dad, baby and my brother (her uncle ) first time mom. I can be a hypochondriac.

    I held my hand in a circle and she slowly put her finger in the circle. I took her diaper off to look and change her. Everything looked normal. She started crying before I got a new diaper on and I put her on my lap and hugged her and she started peeing on my leg. I said you peed on me. She started crying more. She was acting tired and upset. Help. What do I do. I’m going insane. My mind is racing.

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  77. krish

    my girl friend has been sexually abused by her friend’s brother when she was at the age 7 till 9years old. . . . now she is 15years old will she remember those old things??. ..will it effect her in future?…she will be very happy with me but sometimes she will get too depressed w with out any reason..if I ask her for the reason she will say nothing….she dono that I knew about her childhood abuse.there are no changes in her behavior from past few years . . . .so please let me know any way to delete the bad history from her mind. . and I love her too much.. .I could not miss her please help me……

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  78. Concernedmom

    My husbands father lives a few hours away and we only see him a few times a year. He came down a few months ago to stay at our house with our three year old son while my husband and I were in the hospital having our daughter. Since then twice our son brought up how he doesn’t want his grandfather to watch him. Once to my husband and once to me, both times he shuts down and refuses to answer questions or look at us. This last time out of nowhere he said I don’t want pop to watch me go potty. He usually is very talkative and even when he gets in trouble he wants to tell you about it. It’s just not like him to close up like that. Since he watched him he has had bed/pants wetting issues and is very whinny and acting out but we thought that was him adjusting to his new sister. Now I’m not so sure. He love his sister and is great towards her. I’m not sure what to do. I hate to think something bad happened but the way he acts with the subject is not like him. I was thinking of taking him to a therapist that can help figure out what happened. Any advice to get him to open up?

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  79. Noone

    Hi, I have been sexual abused at home,
    By my brother, since I was little, I remember him asking me if he could his fingers in my vagina. I think he might have convinced me. The rest of the imagine is a blur. I might have told my parents about it, I don’t remember. I remember having the same problems, at work with my bosses. and work partners, either it was through touching me, or by telling me what they didn’t like about me. It has been quite difficult. This is all very dark for me, i don’t usually speak of these things. This happened when I was very young. What should I do to avoid these situations?
    Since I was a child I was constancy exposed to an sexual atmosphere, although for the majority of the time, it might have been innocent lust. Then my brother started to sexual touch me, I remember not wanting him to touch me. This situation with my brother, happened various times, i remember awhile growing up always have fights and battles with him. Because of his careless attitude towards me, he would usually win, being stronger.
    I think my brother still might be doing this.
    I also remember I began rubbing myself on blankets. I think once my mom caught me and told me not to do that, maybe. And being a little bit weird might I add. Although reading about it now. I was advice that those kind of actions should not be done, and when if they occur, you should advice the child not to do those perverted motions, learn to say no. This happened when I was younger then 10.

    Now my younger brother, has begun with the same attitude, of so what. Seriously? If I am in my room getting dressed don’t tell me that I shouldn’t scream at you, if you insist that you want to stay. that is just weird.
    Now I think my brother might be still involved. I remember my older brother coming into the room a few times, awhile I was naked and touching me. Still now my younger brother comes into my room sometimes when I am naked, when I scream at him to leave, he just looks at me smirks and questions me why.
    I remember being raped by a man awhile sleeping, with my brother beside him, not saying anything to him. Should I prank him? What should I do?
    Because of this any disagreement I have a tendency to snap instead of being more mature. What has helped me, is by letting moments go, when it has to do with something personal, which involves two people. That think differently about something, there is no reason to get caught up about it. Just breathe in and let it go, when that person comes to have a conversation with you again, don’t be still angry about yesterday. just forget. That is what has helped me especially when dealing with friends that are in relationships.
    My biggest fear during the fights between my two brothers was that i couldn’t do anything, I hated freezing. I wanted to be able to defend my brother! I have improved now, thankful, I am not so scared.

    I remember being (4-5 or younger) my dad spanking me, in front of my family. I remember being extremely embarrassed, and humiliated. I hated that he could see my butt.

    At one point in my life I did try to baby sit, but for some reason I think I shouldn’t be around younger kids. I am really scared that I am going to hurt them, by saying something I shouldn’t or misunderstanding. I have been in situations when the parents of some children I was watching over, started speaking to me to their child’s medical, situations. I was unaware of the situation and literal did what they didn’t want me to do. I am horrified. I never want to be around children anymore. I am really scared, because I started getting messages from the same family, asking me to return to them. I don’t want to see them again, definitely don’t want to put their kids through a traumatic situation.

    Also I love my families children, I don’t think that I am capable of being the mature enough with them, I guess I still have a long way to go. Not sure if this is the right place to be talking about this…..
    since I’ve experience these situations, some times I get really nervous, rapid heart beat, sweating a bunch, its suppose to be normal, and through talking it is suppose to help relieve the stress and increase calmness

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  80. Jan

    My granddaughters were potty trained at three. There dad was on deployment. When he came back THEY started wetting the bed again. He was deployed again and they stopped wetting the bed. He came back and they’ve been wetting bed ever since. They are now 8 yrs old. Their parents are not together for past year and half. He took them to Disney and they literally cried and begged their mom not to let them go. She is afraid if she doesn’t let him see them he will go for full custody and she won’t see them. At his home they were sharing a bedroom.. then he put them in separate rooms and now they told me they sleep with him. He knows they don’t want to go with him but he makes them go anyway. He started taking them to church and I’ve never heard the man speak of God or faith/religion in the ten years I’ve known him. One of the girls touched the other on her private (with her clothes on) and the other one hit her. She said GRAMA “she hit me”. I asked her sister why she hit her and she said because she touched me down there. I’ve asked them why they don’t like going to their dads and they say CAUSE they miss mommy. The one appears nervous and stares directly at me like she is trying to make sure I believe her. I’ve always told them if ANYONE ever touches them in the area THEIR bathing suit covers to tell me. They love me very much and always hug me very tight and repeatedly tell me they love me. It seems like they are afraid to talk about anything they do at their dad’s. I ask them if they had fun, did they go out for dinner, did daddy play with them and they’ll answer (ah”!) They don’t want to talk about it. I’m so fearful just by their actions, THEIR adamant pleading that they don’t want to go. This man can be very hateful and he is very authoritative with them. They don’t even want to hug or kiss him goodbye when he drops them off. None of the family seem too concerned and one says it doesn’t sound good but for me to keep my mouth shut THAT he is well off financially and could take them and we would never see them again. I’m tortured daily thinking about what they may be going through and if I’m wrong, MY ENTIRE family would fall apart. I wish I could afford a picture to check his computer and cell phones; to make sure there is not any pornographic material on it. I PRAY in wrong but they have so many signs of a child being molested on top of hating to go with him. PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE. THANK YOU

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    • Karen Lamb

      I am so sorry your granddaughters are going through this. You know what’s happening, maybe not in detail, but so what?

      My daughters went through the same thing with a military father. They are now grown with various issues. I always wonder what he did to my oldest. She seems to have a split personality at times that her significant other has also commented on. She has like a survival mode she goes into where she displays no respect or care for those who truly want to help her.

      I have received counseling for over two years and finally have been able to forge a decent relationship with her and keep her daughter when she works.

      Abuse is extremely difficult to prove and the military protected my ex-husband and allowed him to break court orders on their property on Ft Meade Maryland, keeping my children hostage at various times and they told me basically to go to hell when I asked them to escort me to his home and retrieve my children from him, court order in my hand. They thought it was hilarious.

      My oldest began wetting the bed profoundly until the age of about 13 when I helped fix it with herbs. It was mortifiying for her. She did report observing porn from the stairway after her bedtime when he had it on in the living room with his new wife, who basically black-mailed him into silence when she left him with their new daughter. She also assisted in fighting me for custody of my children that she didn’t even want in order to terrorize me and my daughters. The story is so outlandish that most people do not believe me. Only the people that were present in my life at the time know of the daily horrors that we went through for the four years that he lived in the same town as me.

      There is light at the end of the tunnel. They will likely survive and when they are adults they will find their own path to healing. Drug abuse and excessive drinking on their part gets really scary, but be there for them if it happens. Just keep insisting that you love them no matter how much they may wind up turning on you later. They will return to you when they begin to heal. It all happened to me, they turned on me and blamed my weakness for his abuse towards them, mental and psychological, sexual has never been admitted to me.

      My youngest is convinced her older sister has been severely screwed up by their father, but tells me there is no way she would ever tell. His mind control is incredibly strong. They will make it. Just pray and let the time pass, their healing will come, just as all of ours will eventually.

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  81. Jennifer

    A child will not necessarily act differently if they have been sexually abused. They also may have just been fondled externally, or are being asked to do things that do not leave physical signs. (Oral intercourse, etc.)
    Just believe what they say. And if they say something strange about a babysitter, or family member, please don’t let that person babysit them.

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  82. Anne

    If I told all, it would end up, being a novel. I am a 55 yr old woman, mum died at the age of 35, and left 6 kids. I was one of them. I remember being in bed, asleep, with my sister at my side, in a double bed. I, remember the warm feeling going on below (my lady garden), thought I may need the loo. Then a slight pull on my pubic hair. Then I was awake….. In the dark, heart pounding, just, stiff, unable to move. Ice, was running from, my feet up toward my chest. Who the hell was doing this, to me, my dad, or one of my 4 brothers? The shear fear, of turning around or just screaming, wasn’t an option, because now the finger was in me, not hurting, just there, and my heart racing. That was the first time I remember. There were many more to come. I was probably about 11 years old. Started my period when I was 11, not long before my mum died. She made such a big fuss about my period. Kept me off school, bought me sweats and Dr Whites, and told me, that I was growing into a beautiful lady…

    At 25, I had my daughter, at 22, my sister had her son (10 weeks between them). We went out, 1st time since the kids were born. She says “when we were kids, did anything, ever happen to you”, ‘ME’ like what, what do you mean? Anyway, it would seem, that my brother got to her as well, NOT to the same extent, just, that when she was asleep, he would go into the SAME ROOM (I am 16 now, and working away from home) get her hand, and do the full masterbation thing… I can’t even finish this, to emotional. Sorry, I will try and come back.

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  83. Gracelove

    My daughter is going to be three in a few months. She’s said twice to me that “papa spanks my yaya”. My husbands father, her grandfather only watches her a day a week. She came home today and when she was going for a nap I had to put a diaper on. She said “my yaya hurts” I asked her why and she told me papa spanks my yaya. I don’t know what to do. Is she telling the truth? Why would he spank her yaya? I’m so confused. I want to protect my child if this is true but I don’t want to start a family feud if she’s just fibbing. Please I need advice

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    • Rose

      I’m in a similar situation, hence why I am here. But is say, she has no reason to lie. You better take her to a clinic, ASAP. I’m sorry, good luck.

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    • April

      DO NOT let it go! Im sure there is something to what she is telling you. Family or not, its your job to protect her. Its too easy to think too little cause its famly and she’s young. I should know I did the same thing and found out much later there was truth to the things my boys were saying.

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  84. Jasmin

    Hey I’m 13 and i don’t know what i should do. My grandpa touched my breast when i was “sleeping” and i don’t know if i should tell my dad because everyone loves my grandpa, but at times i feel like i don’t want to be near him. He has done this twice when i was 11 and now what should i do? i don’t want to cause any trouble with my family, but i believe that my family won’t believe me. Can you help?

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    • Rose

      Please tell honey, don’t let anything stop you. Its not ok and its not your fault. It will be ok, please tell someone.

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    • Hailey

      I would take this very seriously Im 23 years old and I was molested from the age of 2 till around 14. My life is still in ruins and my brothers father who hasnt been in my life sence I was 15. I can barely have a normal sex life with my fiance. I am scared too report my stepdad because he threatend my moms life in the past. May the Grace of god Heal your daughter so that she wont grow up with as many issues as i do. just at the age of two the body will remember trauma, I personally would have the grandpa put on a lie dector test and keep him out of your life. also put him on the sex offendor list for the neghiborhood.
      Im here for you and I want too pray for you and help you in anyway that I can! you dont deserve that too happen too you.

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    • Anne

      Jasmin, I made the mistake of not turning around and confronting the one who was doing this to me… If I could go back in time, I would just, turn around, look them in the eye and say “I’m ok, the covers are fine, and just GET OUT OF MY ROOM”. I, Don’t think, this would ever happen again.. Please, don’t let this continue, because, it will follow YOU, through the whole of your life… STOP IT NOW. It may seem awkward, but it is the best thing for you.. Cos you were brave, and you would be stopping, stuff from happening again. Hope this is helpful! That’s what I would do NOW! X

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    • Anne

      Have replied. Hope you got the message.. Chin up. X

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    • April

      Please tell sweetheart. Its not your fault. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise. If he’s doing it to you he;s doing it to someone else.

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  85. Cheryl

    I work and my dad watches my son who is 3 years old. The other day when I was laying on my bed, my son opened his mouth and was moving his head up and down like he was Re acting oral Sex. I said what are you doing, don’t do that and my son smiled like he thought it was funny. I really do not think my dad would do anything to my son. But in the past, around a year ago or more, I over heard my dad say to my son while he had him in his arms, “it’s our secret” so I asked him what did he say and my dad said defensively he knows. But I then had to leave for work. Sometimes when my dad leaves he says bye to my son and asks him for a kiss, but when my son doesn’t he kisses him but I think it’s forcefully. Also some times, not all the time, when my son doesn’t want to play or be affectionate my dad doesn’t seem to acknowledge my son doesn’t want to be hugged. So I say he doesn’t want too hug or whatever it is. I don’t know if I’m reading into things but I just have a horrible feeling, but I’m not sure if I’m reading into things.

    My son hasn’t shown any more signs or anything and think my dad is just being affectionate, but I’m not sure at all and my son wouldn’t know either what I’m on about if I asked him. My dad would also always changes his nappy and say I will do it. My dad is helpful so I’m not sure if he’s just being helpful or not. I once did say something as he always smacked his bottom when he was fully dressed and I said once what are you always tapping his bum for and my dad said what’s up with you do you think on a pervert or something? That was a long time ago now and he doesn’t tap his bottom all the time now. Am I over reacting or is my dads behaviour odd?

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    • ali

      Better safe than sorry. Please take your child elsewhere to be watched. Going to work is not more important than keeping your child safe. You could request time off to get your son in a child care place you can trust and visit whenever you like. This way there are always people all around. Trust your gut, but don’t accuse. Maybe you could just tell your dad it is time for your son to be around other kids (i’m not saying he has to but that is an excuse to use if you are afraid to let on any apprehension). Better to hurt your dad’s feelings than to have your son one day tell you things were going on.
      Pray to God and He will guide and comfort you. But take action

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    • Hailey

      I would take this very seriously Im 23 years old and I was molested from the age of 2 till around 14. My life is still in ruins and my brothers father who hasnt been in my life sence I was 15. I can barely have a normal sex life with my fiance. I am scared too report my stepdad because he threatend my moms life in the past. May the Grace of god Heal your daughter so that she wont grow up with as many issues as i do. just at the age of two the body will remember trauma, I personally would have the grandpa put on a lie dector test and keep him out of your life. as hard as that will be, the pain your child will go through is worse. also put him on the sex offendor list for the neghiborhood.
      Im here for you and I want too pray for you and help you in anyway that I can! you dont deserve that too happen too you. and the sighns are all there your dad is molesting your son.

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  86. Aunt needs advice...

    My niece was molested by her father for many years beginning when she was a child. Her mom & dad have been divorced since she was a child as well. She told her mom when she was 19, but they decided not to involve the police. She did not want to get her father in trouble & has continued to see him…possibly even choosing to have sex with him at times.The last straw for me was when she was 21 & tried to sleep with my father…yes, her grandfather. They got drunk together one night when his wife was out of town & orally pleasured each other. She didn’t hesitate to call the police on him (which I totally agree with), but he got off w/ a well paid lawyer.

    It has always bothered me that her father got off free as a bird. My question is…is there anything I can do about it now? Can I still report him for his past behavior? Can I report him even if we don’t live in the same city? Even if my niece doesn’t press charges against him the DA can still go forward with the case, right? Thank you for your suggestions & advice.

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  87. Katherine

    Can an 11 year old boy be sexually manipulated by a 12 year old boy? My closest guy friend just confessed his darkest secret. He is now 26 years old and he says he has been affected by his past.

    When he was 11 he used to watch porn with a 12 year old boy and all the boys from his neighborhood. After a while the 12 years old convinced him that it was very normal for kids their age to do dirty and intimate things. Only when they were alone things would happen.

    I think that if an 11 year old already watched porn by that age he cannot be influenced or manipulated into doing things like that, but then again I believe there are strong and weak minds. Maybe the 12 year old boy was smart and my friend was too innocent and nice. (He is still a very nice/polite guy.) Ever since he told me this I’ve been very uncomfortable with the situation.

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  88. Misti

    My daughter told me that her daddy’s girlfriend touched her so i called the cops. There was nothing found on the physical examination, but they didn’t do anything else. CPS dropped it after 2 weeks and the cops didn’t do anything. I still have to send my daughter over there for visitation and his girlfriend lives with him. She is overly affectionate — it’s the nicest way I can put it, and her behavior has changed dramatically. I don’t know what to do now to keep my daughter safe.

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  89. Lee lee

    My daughter has a friend and her step dad was trying to have sex with her. Her friend was crying and upset so my daughter and I tried to find her friends house and when we did the police had already had her step dad in the police truck. Time went by then one day my daughters friend who has stated out of no where her mom did not want her daughter to be her friend any more. My daughter feels used and sad because she lost a friend. Can anyone give your opinion.

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  90. worriedmum21

    My story is a bit odd, my dad molested me 3 times when I was 13, 14 and 15 and always said don’t tell my mum, and I found out my mum was going away overnight again and I was scared so I told a friend who told the school and went through the cps process. I then found out my mum would lose everything if my dad was convicted. So I told everyone I lied cause I love my mum and sister and they hated me and never believed me, and didn’t want to end up back in care as I am adopted. So I forgave my dad, for my mums sake.

    I recently had my daughter 2 1/2 stay with them as my depression was bad and my dad said how bad he was feeling about what had happened and how he wanted to kill himself. Now she’s always playing with her vagina and using her fingers and I’ve caught her about to use a dino’s tail and books and my friends are worried that she might be going through it.

    I don’t want to believe it as my dad seemed genuine disgusted with himself. And I don’t know what to think. I’m worried it could be happening, I’m going to speak to health to see if it’s normal, but I was just looking online to see what’s online and wondered if anyone had any thoughts.

    Thanks.

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    • Sheila

      Just my thoughts, no judgments here. If you chose to forgive that is okay. Forgiveness is good for you. BUT, never forget what he was capable of. It is like a disease. Like alcoholism. Some feel bad, may even regret, but in most cases will do it again. I would encourage you to get her checked for sure and never leave her alone with him again. Seek assistance if you need to. Not something you should be ashamed of for yourself or your daughter. Help is out there. I was molested by my grandfather at a young age but old enough to know it was wrong. I did tell my dad and was accused of being a lying whore. I was in grade school. I didn’t tell anybody for years. It messes with your head for a long time if you don’t tell somebody and get it out. The whole world doesn’t have to know but you need to tell somebody. I later found out that I was only one in many that he had done this too.

      This may not help but I will pray things work out for the best for you.
      You are not alone.

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    • Annittha

      Pls never ever leave your daughter alone with him. He did it once, he can do it once again

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  91. susan

    My daughter was abused by my ex husband. I went straight to the police when she told me. I left him right away. In our divorce it said if he was found not guilty by a jury then he would have regular visitation of our son. Well here it is two years later and we finally went to court. My daughter was questioned and physically examined and put on a witness stand. All for nothing the jury found him not guilty. Now I have to let my son go stay with him the whole moth of July. I don’t know what to do I have no legal standing how can I protect my child?

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  92. bow

    I have a 3year old girl who can not speak. She is watched by her father a lot due to I work a lot. One night I came home from work. I got a pull up to change her and she said, “boo boo”. I said where and she pointed to her whoo hoo. I asked again, but she didn’t answer. I need to know if this is a first sign or what. Please help before it too late …

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  93. Diamond

    I have a 12 year old step daughter. I’m concerned that every time she plays with her Dad, she always lie on her back and start rubbing herself. Not only that, he’ll get out the bed with me and would go lie in her twin size bed 4,5,6 a.m. waking her up to play! Not only that if we’re all in the bed together he won’t spoon hold her if I’m there, but if I walk off or seem to act as if not paying attention then he’ll spoon her. Not only that now, I’ve been trying to wrap my head around this for eight months now. I know there’s nothing wrong with being affection to your kid, but something is rubbing me the wrong way. Not only that he keeps making every excuse of why she do certain things… I don’t think a well developed pre-teen should be spooning nor sleeping in the bed with him, especially since he sleeps in his underwear. Not only that I can’t walk around with boxers and a long shirt, but he walks around in boxers all day where you can see all form of his man parts!!!

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    • Danielle

      I don’t understand why you have let that go down. She is 12. None of that crap is normal. Sounds like a problem that has been going on for a long time at that. You need to contact authorities. She needs a counselor to find out what he’s doing to her. No respectful man walks around that way in front of his or anyone’s daughters. You seem to be way too passive with this. DO SOMETHING.

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    • no name

      Omg she needs help 8 month is a long time to be letting that happen and sleeping together at age is way messed up.

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    • ashton

      You should call cps and report it to the police. What if it was your daughter. Wouldn’t you save her?

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    • Rose

      This is NOT normal no grown man should be in his 12 year old daughter’s bed ever! All of this sounds very inappropriate!

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  94. KS

    My children have been with their father for the last 4 months. Tonight he called me and informed me that the oldest(4) had pulled the youngest(2 1/2) diaper aside and inserted her fingers in her private parts. Upon questioning she said that my fiance does that and when asked how he touches her she pulled her panties aside and inserted 2 fingers. He asked her if he touches her on the potty and / or bed and she said yes to both.

    Up until recently she had been seeing a therapist and the therapist saw no signs of abuse and neither of us has seen this behavior before.

    My children have not seen my fiance in 7 months they were with my mom who is a nurse practitioner for the 3 months before they went to their dad. We are very upset and do not know if we should be concerned or if this is an innocent misunderstanding. I don’t think my fiance could do this, but I don’t want to just blow it off.

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    • shannon

      I’m not a doctor. I have a BA in Psych. A lot of times what a child is saying they didn’t experience but saw. Has the child ever maybe walked in on you and your fiance? Could she have seen thus happen. And then enacted it? Children. Can have a delay in letting f those around them know about the abuse or show signs of the abuse though so it is possible she has been touched inappropriately.

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  95. Eric

    I granddaughter always crys when she goes to her dads she is half Mexican /black she is a beautiful 4year old she always comes back acting kind of odd like not being her self a little rebailous with us she likes to play in closet that is a play room lays down covers up with blanket and then we check on her and she has taken off her lower clothes naked ask her why no answer she also likes to take off her dolls clothes and then she opens the dolls legs and when she sits down she is always opening her legs then looks at me like she wants to see if I’m looking I tell her young lady’s don’t sit like that and that she needs to respect her self in order for other people to respect her I know some of these words seem to be said to an older child but the lord has blessed us with a very intelligent grandchild and I am very concerned about her also I don’t think her dad would do any thing to her would harm her in any way but there are other kids in his house one 18 yr old and her brother 12yr old and a sister 8 yr old. Now she has told us at one time her sister did nasty things to her and my daughter told her x boyfriend but what made her sister who is only 8 prompted her to do that she is so young but any my grandchild crys a lot every time she has to go to her dads house I mean real bad it causes us to cry and worry till she comes back we even thought of not letting her go to her dads but that would go against the court order would you please tell us of the signs that I mention of what you think is going on. In desperate need of a course of action thank you.

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    • nicole boyer

      Have this dealt with. Omg. You must.

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      • Danielle

        Wow. Call child protective services!!!

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    • nicole boyer

      Call your pediatrician. Consult andhave the eexams, interview, and the nextstep will be to alert authorities. If you bring it to the attention of school and licences child care providers they will also be inclined to take appropriate action.

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    • Victoria

      If she is crying like that please don’t let her go there:(

      I was molested by my step dad and I acted the same way when I went to my mom’s house as a child because my parents weren’t together. Please sit her down and make her feel safe to talk — maybe something is wrong with the dads house. Just look into it. Take her to a doctor to be examined after the visit with the dad …. I’m praying for the previous princess.

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    • Danielle

      Also, if you call child services they will prompt you to go get her examined regardless. If no physical evidence… she will need counseling, where they will try and nicely find out what is going on without freaking her out. Good luck and I pray that she is not being abused.

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  96. Annon

    My daughter told me last year her grandfather had molested her. I believed my daughter immediately, she is 8 years old and the way she described the contact was not something she would have been aware , but said it was too late to get DNA evidence, so I went home and acted as normal as possible with my daughter. We got back into her normal routine as she has and bathed her that night to receive a phone call the following day saying policies had changed and they could now examine her and collect DNA but I’d already bathed her.

    It’s been 6 months now and he is still out on bail and the Crown prosecution services still haven’t decided whether or not they are going to charge him! After the first discloser my husband’s sister came forward with regards to prehistoric abuse she suffered at the hands of him and that her mother had known all about it and has constantly called her a liar and a trouble causer.

    A niece of my father in law has also said he sexually assaulted her at the age of 18, but she can’t relive it anymore and has refused to go to the police.

    Why aren’t the police doing anything to punish this vile man and give everyone closure? It’s horrible and it’s still going on. I don’t know how much I can take not knowing whether he is going to be held accountable for his actions in ruining everyone’s lives. Also I believe my mother in law should be held accountable. She has known for 27 years that this man is a peodophile and yet she hasn’t protected anyone from him and he has repeated his abuse from daughter, to niece, to granddaughter while she still protects him and has lied for him to the police.

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  97. anna

    My daughter suffered sexual battery from her grandfather when she was six. She is now sixteen. Will she be ok as she grows up?

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    • chethan krish

      my girlfriend was sexually abused by one of her friend’s brother when she was at the age of 6 till at the age of 8…now she is 15 will she remember those old stuffs and will she be alright with me….she dono that i know about her abuse…will she get disturb by that old memories??.please help me to take care of her…I LOVE HER A LOT.but i dont want to see her sad again…..she will be happy with me but sometimes she used to get dipressed and when i ask her what happend?she tells nothing….please help he…..

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    • Frances Williams

      Those are signs of abuse. Family members will molest a younger sibling and it sounds like that is what is happening. Call the Department of Children Service (DCS).

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  98. Susan

    My daughter is 35 months old. She came back from her dad’s house and was totally having a panic attack when I wanted to change her diaper. Then, the next day, she put her finger towards her vagina (with clothes on) and said daddy hurt me like that. When she said “like that” she would hit her vagina. She repeated this 4 times. She then said she got a white Booboo, but it’s all gone. While talking about Booboo she pointed towards her butt.

    Then third day after visiting her dad, I was lying on the floor. She turned me over and then brought her face very close to my buttocks and spit.

    My am VERY concerned. Don’t know what the heck is going on.

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    • Anonymous

      call the police

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    • Anonymous

      Holy sh*t CALL THE GOD DAMN POLICE!

      My daughter was abused by a neighbor who’s wife babysat her; the “diaper rash” she developed was because of him :'( It was full on rape. He raped my baby. She was only 3 years old.

      Your baby is being raped. Now is NOT the time to have doubts, be uncomfortable (etc). Don’t second guess yourself! I did and this happened to my baby because of it. I didn’t trust my gut.

      Get. On. The. Phone. Now!

      The sooner you can get her into a specialist, the better! They can do an examination to see if there is any damage to her genetalia or rectum.

      They will help you go from there.

      Stop being in denial, denial can kill your kids soul.

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    • anyomous

      I think you should avoid him and not let him be around your daughter and if he won’t go away then you should get the law enforcement involved they handle cases like this a lot most of them get dismissed though if you don’t have a witness or evidence but for your daughters sake I hope you do whatever you can to protect her.. As for your baby I think you should tell her that doing those innapropriate things is a no no and that no one should do those things to her

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      • Milan McCandle

        To Anonymous,

        NO. She should NOT only get law enforcement involved if he won’t go away.

        Secondly, that is ridiculous that you suggest that this mother should put the responsibility for preventing this abuse on a BABY. The way you put it could cause the baby to think that SHE caused the abuse by allowing a “no no”.

        She is not in control. Most creeps that do this threaten the child if they tell, and threaten them in horrific ways. My child was told that Mommy would be killed if my child told. We had to be away from my ex for over a year, that means, my child did not see my ex, hear my ex, or have anything to do with my ex before my child told me what happened.

        The reason my child felt it was ok to tell me, is that I had a chat about how these people work. I started out by saying that people who want to touch children will threaten them or someone or something they love. I had no idea that my child had already been abused. That is when I was told; it all came out then. I was shocked that it took that long to tell me.

        The symptoms were very persistent trouble falling asleep; anxiety; many fears; nightmares; and excessive preoccupation with genitals, among other things.

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        • Tanji

          ^^^ EXACTLY!!! ^^^, like wth?!!

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    • Victoria

      Omg ;( please believe her and get to the bottom of this . That poor baby

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    • Danielle

      This is self explanitory. This post should have actually been a call to police instead.

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  99. megan

    My almost three year old is watched by my dad every other Monday and each day other than that she is with her dad. My dad had me call him and said he didn’t know how to tell me what he was about to tell me, but he was changing Lily’s diaper and Lily pointed to her vagina like she was showing him and pointed out her Dolly’s and showed him as well. I told him she is probably just at the age where she is realizing she has those body parts, but I don’t want to be wrong. He is worried that maybe she is being messed with at her dad’s by her dad who is a oddball himself. Should I go get help or wait to see how she acts next? I am at a loss here. I want to protect her if some thing’s wrong, but I don’t know if it is just an overreaction.

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  100. Jesse

    I have a question this happened to my cousin. Her cousin had got in the bed with her and put her hand in her pants and started to rubbed her butt while she was sleeping and that is it. Is that considered as rape. My cousin asked me but I told her I didn’t know.

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    • Frank

      Yes that was rape

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    • shannon

      Sexual assault is what it is. Any unwanted touch that gives sexual gratification to the other person is sexual assault and yes it is.

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  101. Mimi

    When my daughter was 3 years old I caught her one day fingering herself, I almost fainted and immediately thought something or somebody had done that to her.

    My daughter is now 4years old and she likes twirking and sexual dancing. This morning, today 31-03-2015 I was getting her ready for school. While dressing her up she told me mum, my hand wants to play with my vagina. I said to her what made her think her hand wants to play with her private part she said said she feels and think so.

    I had gone depressed the whole of today with bad thoughts, since she came back from school, I had asked her to confide in me and tell me the truth if someone is doing something or has done something to her, but all her answers are NO.

    She went to the weekend to her dad and her dad is teaching her to keep secrets from me, what do I do about this developments? Where do I go from here? Help a single mother thanks.

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    • Anonymous

      It grieves me to think that someone might have engaged in an inappropriate act with your child. However, How did you find out that her father has been having her keep secrets from you? Is that something she told you or something you suspect? If it turns out that her father has been having her keep secrets from you I personally feel that you should immediately take your daughter to be seen by a child specialist so that they can talk to her about what she recalls about those secrets.

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    • shannon

      She is at a normal age of exploring her body. Oh I have an ear hole I stick my finger in it….oh I have a but hole I’m gunna check that out for sure. But she does explore the vagina area it feels good no matter the age. Children work on a level of if it feels good…do it. You need to teach her appropriate times and ways to do this. I have told my client to take themselves to a private area and make sure they are alone. They can do whatever as long as no objects are placed anywhere.

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  102. Anonymous

    At age 12 my mother left me alone with her friend’s son, I think he and I were around if not the same age. My mother said that if I didn’t mind him or if I went outside she would spank me, if he told her when she got back. As soon as she left he chased me to the bathroom where I thought I could hide but the bathroom door wouldn’t lock so he pushed himself in and told me that he was going to put his d- – k into my butt and I cried no! But he took it out showed it to me and he really hurt me so bad. I cried so much and he still wouldn’t stop. He threatened me that he would tell my mother that I went outside and that she would spank me for it.

    When our mothers came back I secretly hated my mother because she never even asked me what happened or if anything had happened. I couldn’t understand how she could just leave me alone with him, how could she trust him to look after me knowing that she had been molested by her oldest sister’s husband and how much it scarred her. When I became an adult I told her what he did to me and all she could say to me is that I was too young to even remember something like that — that it didn’t happen and that it couldn’t have happened to me. All I could do was cry because if my own mother wouldn’t believe me then who was going to believe me.

    I told my oldest sister and she cried for me and I felt a little relief but still violated, dirty and disgusted in my own skin. In 2006 or 2007 (exact month I can’t remember) but my oldest sister called me and asked me had I seen the newspaper. I said no, why? She said that xxxxxx was arrested for kidnapping and molesting a girl in Adelanto, CA and he was being sentenced to life in prison. I hurried out got that newspaper and it was true he had been caught and taken off the streets. I called my mother crying on the phone saying moma they caught him they finally caught xxxxxx he had snatched a girl off the streets and done some horrible, unspeakable things to her and once again my mother said I couldn’t even remember what his face looked like being so young when she left me alone with him in 1977, and there’s absolutely no way I could even remember his name. But I did remember his whole name and his face and I know for certain he was that same person. Again my mother didn’t believe me and that hurt me so much for some reason I remember gasping for air and feeling like my chest was caving in and an overwhelming feeling of shame and grief.

    I also used to have continuous nightmares of me wanting to have sex with my dad and sometimes I would even imagine myself actually doing it with him through day dreaming, it’s not that I actually wanted to have sex with my father or that he had sex with me I do not know why I was having those distorted nightmares and daydreams.

    There is so much of my childhood that I actually can not remember and I should be able to but there are even large times in my childhood when I do not even remember my own mother being in my life, but my sisters says she was there so why can’t I remember her being there and I’ve told her I can’t remember her being there or why I have blocked out that long period of time that my sisters say she was there.

    At age 6yrs I remember me and my sisters being home alone and my sisters let some older boys in and they went into the room with those boys and one of the boys stayed in the livingroom with me and he told me if he get his finger in then he was going to put himself into me and he stuck his hands down my undies and tried to force his finger into my private but it wouldn’t fit and I cried and I cried I want my moma and then I heard my sisters and those boys laughing at me. I can’t remember if he did or didn’t still touch me or put himself into me after that, I just can’t remember much after that it’s like from that time up until 6 years later when xxxxx sodomized me at 12 years old I can’t even remember anything it’s like my memory got wiped out for 6 whole years.

    Mothers please listen to your children and please do not threaten to harm them if they do not do what someone else tells them to do. Please do not give that type of power to anyone to use as a weapon against your children.

    Although I understand now that what happened to me was not my fault I know that as much as I love my mother I will always have some type of resentment for her for not believing me and protecting me, the pain and the shame never goes away. I just have learned to live with it and I shouldn’t have had to go through it in the first place.

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    • I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. You are so right. Mothers (and fathers) should not give other people power over their children. We should all listen to our children, even if they are telling us things we do not want to hear. As parents we need to be our children’s first and most powerful defender against all the bad things that might happen to them.

      Thank you for this powerful warning.

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      • Anonymous

        Thank you for your warm understanding and for helping spread the word to parents to not give others power over their children.

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      • Lee lee

        Omg! You be strong and someday when you have children you are going to have a hard time trusting anyone with yr children. Believe me I know you are not alone. Its hard but just ask the Lord to give you strength. And have faith he will be there. Trust me I know. Take Care

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    • Danielle

      That’s horrible. Wish I could give you a hug. :(

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  103. Diana

    I am now 52 years old. I have gone my entire life with secrets that has scarred me and caused chronic major depression that I still to this day fight with. I have been to many therapist and psychiatric hospitals. I have kept incidences to myself and never told anyone. This nightmare needs to stop haunting me. One thing that had happen when I was around 8 years old. I was with my cousins husband one day. He had gotten out of the tractor to urinate. When he came back he had his penis out with a hard on, which at the time I had no clue that they were not always that big and hard. I remember thinking thinking that it was huge. He ask me to touch it. I remember it terrifying me. I have just realized that this was sexual abuse. I want to find out what type of sexual abuse they would have called this? I want to deal with all my demons that I have locked away in my closet but I am beyond scared to face it all.

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  104. concerned mom

    My 4 year old daughter has started putting socks in the front of her underwear while taking a nap. I have also caught her putting clothing items in the back of her underwear. She is secretive when she does this. She will go behind furniture or hide under the blankets while doing it. I have also woken her up from a nap and noticed that she has pulled the back of her underwear down around her bottom. When I ask her about it she gets embarrassed and says “I just like it”. I have asked her on several occasions if anyone has touched her and she always says no. Is this normal behavior for a 4 year old?

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    • shannon

      It is normal behavior. Kids are on a…if I do this…and it feels good…I’m gunna keep doing it. So its not an automatic thing that she has been touched or something has happened. I would have an open conversation with her about how it’s ok to touch if we do it away from others and in a safe way.

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  105. anonymous

    I work with kids while their mom and dad work out.
    A month ago this little girl started doing this thing where should would touch her vagina like she had to go to the bathroom so I’d ask her “do you have to go to the bathroom” and she’s say no, it’s just itchy and I tried to ask her about it but she’d say “let’s play Aunty!” so I let it go. A little over a week it happens again, where she’s holding her privates like she has to go to the bathroom. I ask her if she needs to use the bathroom and she gave me the same answer; it’s itchy and again I’d tried to ask questions but she didn’t want to talk so I left it alone. And at that point, I had a feeling something was wrong. I brought it up to my coworker and she played it off that shes just a kid and she might have a yeast infection or UTI because she also does swimming lessons at another gym. So I left it alone and today while we were coloring and she did that thing where she holds her vagina, so I asked again and she confessed to me that there’s a “big boy” that touches her at school. She told me that he’s done it before and she told her mom, but she doesn’t believe her. She had told me that this boy “punches” her but when I asked her to stand up and show me her demonstration was of her putting her 2 fingers and demonstrating what looked like this boy fingering her really hardly; so I can see where the “punching” would come from. I asked her a bunch of questions and she was just really open and comfortable talking to me. When I asked her the questions they were asked differently and each time the answer was the same. :(
    I haven’t brought anything up to her mom because I’m following protocols and reporting it first and going from there. I told my coworker what she said today and she said she told her the same thing but all she told her was that “a boy at school touches me” but didn’t go into my further detail, like she did with me. Again my coworker didn’t really believe me much; she again played it off that she got it from tv but I call BS because no child should be watching anything that has to do with rape or whatever. And if she is; shame on her parents. My coworker told her mom what he told her mom what she saw and was but I’m not going to say anything to her… I wanna do this the right way since I seem to be the only one who cares.

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    • Marie Wallace

      Always a difficult situation, but your job it to protect those kids. So you listen to your instincts and follow protocol and have that investigated. She told you detail because she trusted you enough. What you’re doing is great, report that. Better safe than sorry.

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    • Danielle

      Woah. Your co worker needs a new job. How insensitive. Poor little kid.

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    • Wendy H

      Sending you lots of love. You did the right. Dot. Even doubt it for a second. You will save this child heart ache and grief. As a mother , I can only appreciate the guts it took and hope this child’s mother will too. You are a hero.

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      • Wendy H

        *correction. Don’t doubt it for a second

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  106. melody

    My 3 daughters revealed to me that my brother molested them when they were children. They are all adults now with children. My brother was then a teenager up to age 17 while this was going on.

    They have different stories, but all said he would take them into a dark room. Never penetrating them, but exposing himself and having them use feathers on his penis or some other act. My oldest child when 5 said he tried to put his hand down her pajama’s while she was asleep, but she woke up to the telephone ringing and he stopped.

    When they exposed this in their 30’s to us we confronted him and he went crazy on us denying it saying it was all lies and he would never do that to his nieces. My brother has been a Christian for many years now and he has tried hard to do what is right. He is a good person taking care of my mother (he and his wife). Very loving to all his family.

    He says they are false memories they have, but I think he has repressed memories of it all. He sent me a video of false memories and what happens.

    He did do drugs when he was at that age so I think he may be repressing it. He begs me to believe him and its tearing up my family.

    Can it be False memories if more than 1 is blaming him? I’m very sad and don’t know what to do. I really do believe my girls, but what do I say to him?

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    • Marie Wallace

      You say your kids are adults now, being molested, especially by someone close to you and someone you trust is something that never leaves a person’s mind. You should always believe your kids. No, he isn’t repressing anything; he’s denying it. Being molested as a child the kids tend to push it down and forget about it, but as you become an adult that’s when it all comes back out eating at the brain. The worst part about the whole thing is not having your own mother believing you.

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    • Danielle

      So you are going to believe him over your grown daughters? His anger screams guilt. Being a Christian means NOTHING in this situation. Stop second guessing your daughters. You shouldn’t even be considering remaining friendly with him. What a shame.

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  107. Joseph

    After 200 pages filed for proof of abuse and neglect via text, video, ER and Urgent Care visits, letters to the White House, Congress, Fathers Rights Activists, legal representation and more show over a year of REPEATED contusions, bruises, lacerations, severe diaper rash, red flags of sexual abuse (seven attempts for explanations to mother via text ignored*** all copies of abuse and negligence provided to FCS and law enforcement), I still can’t get a single individual to read a file of “facts”, not “opinion”.

    Yesterday, after four discussions all saved and on file from last year regarding severe diaper rash and abuse concerns, (April, June, August, September), once again severe diaper rash from mother care was text at 9pm stating the day ran out of Desitin, “100% allergic to A&D”. These above dates have the same discussion and I even attached 7 websites on the texts discussing ONLY using Desitin. Which she agrees through text to only use. I bought A&D today, contacted a dermatologist, and administered three different area tests for over an hour on each. Zero reaction at all. All on video. Anyone know an entity that respects realistic children’s rights and equality in judgement for protection through facts and not our systems that allow and harbour abuse???

    No child should have to have hundreds of pages of proof to be safe. He is a two year old boy. Enough is enough already. It doesn’t matter if I’m a father or a mother or he said she said. A child has and is continuing to be placed in this situation all while actual proof of all of the above incidents have been given to the organizations that are put in place to make sure this doesn’t happen to children.

    Any advice on a realistic option to protect my son is better then praying he’s coming back to me safe every second he’s subjected to the environment his mother allows him to be under.

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  108. Tammy

    I have 7 year old granddaughter that has been molested by the mom’s boyfriend. He had admitted to her mom that he put his penis up to her daughter’s vagina, but only touched it, but didn’t actually put it in.

    We talked to my granddaughter and she said no one has touched her in anyway, but the time he did this she was sleeping. My question, it has been about a year since it happen and we just found out. Can they tell whether or not he did go all the way? She acts normal, she doesn’t have any of the signs mentioned in recognizing sexual abuse, she was asleep when he did this. Your help would be greatly appreciated!

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  109. Mia

    I think my brother might be a child molester.

    When my daughter was 2 months old he used to try to put his finger in her mouth. I breast fed her so she liked to try to suck on things and my brother, who at the time was 25, kept trying to put his finger in her mouth then every time I changed her diaper he would glance over.

    I couldn’t get mad because I live with my mother. I just left my ex-husband and I had no where else to go and my mother would defend my brother every time I got upset about him looking, so I started taking her to my bedroom to change her diapers. Also her highchair is right in front in the bathroom and I’ll be cooking or doing dishes and I don’t know what he does but he stands in front of the bathroom then my daughter starts crying or getting mad. He’s also been acting sneaky like I had to go to the bathroom so I left her in her stroller in the living room and when I came out he like ran away from her and tried to act like he wasn’t doing anything.

    I’m so worried about my daughter.

    When I use the bathroom I have to put her in her crib in my room so she stays safe, but that doesn’t help. I’m afraid he will try to sneak into my room and do something to her. I’m always worried about her. I wish my mom would listen to me, but she acts like I’m crazy when I tell her that I don’t want my daughter around him at all. It’s all.. so frustrating!!!

    I think I’m going to get a nanny cam and catch him in the act and put him in jail. No adult should behave this way towards an innocent baby who can’t say no or talk or tell me who’s hurting her or touching her. If she could tell on him then I would probably end up jail for murdering him I hate child molesters.

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    • Drea

      Please try contacting a domestic violence hotline or a women’s shelter so that they can hook you up with the resources to get out of your mother’s house.

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      • Mia

        I did call the women’s shelter in my area and told them about my older brother being weird and that I felt it was unsafe for my daughter to be at my mothers but the lady I spoke to said that I didn’t fit their criteria since I wasn’t abused by any partner. So I’m still stuck with my daughter at my mother’s house. I would call my ex-husband, but his new girlfriend doesn’t want him to have anything to do with our daughter. So I try to keep my daughter with me at all times. Still I slipped up earlier today though I brought my daughter out of my room for lunch and I looked away for a second to throw away a piece of trash and when I turned to see what my baby was doing she was standing by him and he had his hand out with his hand turned upward. I glared at him and he said he was trying to grab his shoe which is BS.

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    • Danielle

      Wrong!!! You have every right to be mad!! I can’t read these anymore. STOP BEING A PUSHOVER. THIS IS YOUR CHILD! Why wouldn’t you tell him to back off and if he does it again that you’d make sure his body is never found. Helllooooo stand up for her!

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    • Danielle

      Your mother is a toxic person as well for that. Keep being firm with that weirdo brother of yours and scare the crap out of him as much as you can. Do not leave her for a minute alone.. take her in the bathroom somehow when you shower. Put her in a high chair in there and be quick. He is a creeper.

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  110. robin

    My child gets upset all the time. When I tell her something, she wets the bed. She ran away from my mom the other day. She tells me I don’t love her. The last guy I was with, some times wanted to spend time with her alone. She says she doesn’t want to be with me. What can I do?

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    • Wendy H

      How old is she?

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  111. Cathy

    I was sexually abused as a child. I will tell you now that all those warning signs are very true… But children can also be very smart and know how to hide it.

    What scared me into keeping the secret was when another child in our neighbourhood and her friend were found fondling each other naked. I was abused by an adult AND by older children. I also had to protect my little sister from being touched by other children but I don’t know if she got abused by an adult or not. I think she did.

    The incident was broadcasted through the whole neighbourhood, there was a big commotion, the families moved away and that was when my Mother started asking us sternly if anything happened to us. She would take us aside and ask repeatedly. It scared the hell out of me, because I thought I would get the whole family in trouble if I told.

    Some advice I would give to parents is to observe your child very carefully if they shows signs or tell you something and try not to scare them.

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    • Thank you for your honest and, I’m sure, painful reply. I’m so sorry you went through that in your childhood.

      Your advice seems so wise.

      Children read between the lines and behind our questions. They want to please so much that they sometimes even create the answer that they think we want to hear (or hide the answer they think we do not want to hear). Turning a blind eye to our fears isn’t wise either.

      I agree with observe, listen, protect.

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  112. India

    Please — fight like hell for your children. If you’re scared, get help but fight. You love him or/and her. Fight for your babies. Pray to God also to protect them and if anyone tries to harm them and take their purity they won’t be spared.

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  113. stxgal

    I have concerns about my 5 year old. This past Saturday I was in my room folding clothes and watching TV. I zoned out while my 5 year old and my 3 year old watched TV in the living room. I look out the door to check up on them and I see my five year old with her pants down undies still up and she was putting our new puppy in between her legs. I automatically asked her what was she doing and she got startled. I found it very odd and brought her in my room and started questioning her. Why was she doing that? What was the purpose? And then I started asking if someone ever touched her privates. Her eyes got watery and crying she told me after a good while that it was a little girl in the school bus she rides in the mornings. I asked her what she would do to her and she said she touch her over her jeans. I asked her if she ever told her to stop and she told me she did but the girl never stopped and that this had happened more than once. I went on monday to talk about my concerns with the counsler. She told me she was going to talk to my daughter and the little girl and their teachers. My daughters teacher said that she was one of her best students and that she has not noticed any changes in her. I received her call back and told me the little girl said she only ever hit her once but never anything else. I asked if she could ride in front of the buss with my oldest daughter which is in the 4th grade and they made that accomadation. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to take it further and get parties involved that are innocent or might be innocent. I’m thinking in some way maybe because she got startled and I got upset that she might have lied. I really dont know what to think. I myself was molested and raped at age 14. Being a victim I hate the thought of that happening to any one or especially any child. I have noticed that my daughter has been lying more and has been acting up more than usual. I know kids are kids and kids may explore themselves. I just dont know what to think or do or who to go to in this situation. Help! Advice?

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    • Er

      chiId services, p0Iice. sch00I didnt resp0nd pr0per IegaIIY they have t0 rep0rt t0 b0th and didnt. y0u can sue the sch00I as weII

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  114. Elizabeth

    My 4 year old son has to go to his dad’s house every other weekend. His father lives with his mother (takes care of her) and his fathers’ sister, and 3 cousins. The house is packed. The place is unkempt and has people coming and going. We have been through court and since he is his father, he has to have time with him. Lately he has done badly in pre-k. He can’t concentrate or pay attention. He has mood swings and yells at his step-father and me. We were laying in bed a few months ago and he said “Mommy, I love you so much I want to put my wiener (not a term he uses) in your pee-bug.” He said, “or is that what adults do?” All while laying on me and moving. I gently pushed him off me and said “No, honey. We do not do that. Who told you that?” He got embarrassed and stammered. Later that day he said “My Daddy said that is what you and ***** do.” He asked us why his cousins pee-bug is bigger then his. He has had blood while wiping and he said it hurts. He says this cousin, who is 12, is really mean to him and slams him on the ground and yells at him. He has recently started peeing all over the toilet and missing the toilet completely because he doesn’t pay attention. It’s like he zones out. Lastly, he tried to kiss me goodnight. He said “No, Mommy, you kiss like this.. Open your mouth. Put your tongue in my mouth.” I said, “Who did that to you. He told me his 12 year old cousins name.” What do I do?

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    • Michelle

      Elizabeth, reading this makes me very sad. To me, it’s obvious that something is going on when he is at his dad’s house. In my opinion, you need to get him away from that situation as soon as possible. I’m not a therapist, so I can’t tell you what to say to him, but definitely make sure he knows HE has done nothing wrong. I would make sure you get him to a psychologist that can determine what is happening and possibly get you the support you need to make sure he doesn’t go into that house again. Also, if this is a 12 year old molesting him – this is a child as well and he will need help. It won’t get better and doing nothing about it will only make it worse. He’s just a baby at 4, please protect him from this situation. Good luck.

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    • Wendy H

      I hope so Cw your post that you’ve taken your child to his pediatrician and reported these Incidents. It is obvious he is being molested. My heart goes out to you. Stay strong and watch over your baby. Straighten up your shoulders. You can get through this. But please deal with it!!!

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  115. gina

    I have a 2 month old baby girl in the system at the moment…I’m not saying something is happening or happened. But very concerned because she is not in my care. I would really like to know the signs or symptoms of sexual abuse on a newborn.

    Lately I noticed kind of a smell when I change her during our visits. And yesterday she was sickly, and gummy eyed. My first girl…but I heard that girls have a wall or a block in their Vagina…is this true?

    How can you notice or see if the wall is broken (entered)? And where would the bruising be? Can you see anything else that would be different down there? And how and where can I get her checked for this? Please Help as I am concerned for the well being of my daughter.

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    • Anonymous

      I’m in the same situation as you. I just had my daughter one month ago, premature. Her dad ran straight to the courts after three weeks to file for primary residential custody. I’ve always had a strange feeling about him. We were together for ten months off and on. Every time we broke up was because of his lies, deception, and manipulation. When we talk he either looks me dead in the eyes to where it’s uncomfortable or faces towards me but looks away but all over the place.

      There was a couple of incidences with my first daughter, 11 years old, different dads, where he told her, “not to tell your mom because that’s going to make her sad.” He was trying to convince her to stay at his home with me because she wanted to leave. This happened in the bedroom and I was right outside so I don’t know if I should’ve been worried about that. A couple months later I brought my daughter to his house again. She didn’t want to stay and I wanted her to sleep over because I missed her, but didn’t want to leave him. She told me he rubbed her thigh when he was talking to her. She pushed his hand away, he got closer to her, and said, “why are you mad at me?” as he continued rubbing her leg. He is a very affectionate guy, so maybe that’s his way of showing compassion? When my daughter told me this I believed her, but didn’t think anything serious of this. She told all of my relatives and told them not to tell me because I would confront him and she thought he would get mad at her. Even though nothing happened I feel like a horrible mom for not listening.

      I’ve always promised myself that my child comes first before a man, especially if she’s not comfortable. One day we were talking about the new baby and not being together. I told him I would not leave her alone with him incase he was a child molester. He said, “how do I know if you’re the child molester?” I was expecting him to say something else or deny that statement, but because he made that response, it has me thinking that maybe he is. Another thing, he would always invite my daughter over to go swimming, but never me.

      Now I have a newborn and I’m terrified to the point that it’s affecting my sleep and mental health. It is my responsibility to protect my young one especially because she doesn’t have a voice yet. Because it’s in the hands of the court system, my hands are tied. I tried reaching out to his first daughters mother as well as agencies and organizations but they said they can’t do anything until the crime’s committed. But what about all the red flags? Am I over reacting? HELP.

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    • Livie

      You can take her to the doctor and see if her hymen has been broken. Its called a hymen btw, its a thun layer of skin in the vagina that is broke during sex which is why it hurts and bleeds when you have sex for the first time.

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  116. Anny

    My 6 year old told me she was playing horsey with her stepdad then she said his penis touched her butt. I don’t know what to do or think because she changes the story. First she said they were playing and that it was an accident. I asked did he hurt you, and she said no. Then I ask her again and she says yes. I asked her if she’s scared of him she said no, and then she says dads don’t do that to children, only to parents. She keeps on contradicting every time. I also know that a couple of times she saw us by accident while being intimate and she doesn’t seem scared or anything, but I can’t just ignore her statement. Please help. I don’t know what to do.

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  117. ariel

    I have an 8 month old daughter. Last night we were at grandpas (daddy’s dad) and he was alone with her no more than 35 sec. I come in the room and he’s fixing her clothes and he’s acting all nervous. Im scared for my baby. I don’t know if I should question him or wait.

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    • Mia

      When he’s around your daughter I don’t think you should ever leave her side even just to use the bathroom. Everything can wait until you feel like your baby is safe.

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  118. Carla perezz

    It felt wrong the way he was wrestling with her and he had been drinking. When they stopped and I saw his hand graze her chest I said kind of loud, “Mathew! I need to talk to you.” He jumped up so fast. And she ran out the back door. I tried to reach into his pants to see if he was hard, so I would know for sure, but I think he had it tucked back, you know? But he got all upset, “I can’t believe his!” “Give me a minute” and he just stood in the kitchen. Then I told him I just wanted to sneak out and have a cigarette. But why did they react like that? Later he was laying his head on her stomach and chest. Is that wrong? She’s ten. And is it also wrong for him to sleep with his kids instead of me when they’re those ages? I’ve always been supportive. I care about both of his daughters. Please tell me if I’m overreacting. I’m afraid.

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    • won't tell

      It’s a difficult subject to discuss, because you don’t want to believe that someone you trust would do that to a child, but speaking as a person who was abused all through childhood, there is a problem here.

      The reaction that both your child and husband had are huge red flags. If your child feels shame in a situation that could be considered ambiguous, that means there have probably been previous experiences of abuse. I would try and keep my children away from spending alone time with the husband (understand that if you do nothing to prevent the abuse, the child may interpret it as being ok, or that you already know but it’s normal, and the shame for the way they feel will be harder to deal with later in life.)

      At 10 your child most probably has discovered masturbation to some extent, and is probably experiencing mild sexual curiosity (a subject lots of children talk about at that age without necessarily understanding it) that means that not only should your child be able to do this exploration without an adult around, but especially if the father spends nights with them at that age.

      Please trust your instincts because whatever you see or think you see, it’s almost always worse when you’re not looking. Maybe this would be a good time to have “the talk with your kid, just try to do it in a casual and educational way (no interrogation) and most importantly, make sure your husband is no where near at this time (not even in the same house).

      Your kid needs to feel safe and not accused of anything. I hope you and your child will be alright. Just try not to avoid the situation like my parents did when I tried to tell them.

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  119. Carla perezz

    I recently had a huge scare. Only a couple of red flags, mostly I have trusted my boyfriend and believe that he wants to be a good dad. His daughters are 10 and 8 and my daughter is 4. He laughed about it when his oldest daughter saw a picture of his penis on his phone pictures. She has just started developing and he told me about his concern, which seemed immature to me. What if I accidentally touch something when we’re wrestling? -he said. I told him that he just needs to start giving her privacy. okay. So this is stuck in my head.

    He saw his 8 year old and said Sarah! You’re wearing a skirt! Then he flipped her upside down, took an obvious look at her panties and then straddled her on his arm and did curls with her. His ten year old and I were watching. I was stunned. Sarah stood there for a while too, he wandered off to the bathroom. His oldest then straddled the door of the food wheeler and looked at me and I couldn’t help but thinking she and I both saw what we saw and that it was wrong.

    Since then the 8 year old asks for it. And my daughter saw it and she said. “Do me, do me!” I continued to feel concerned about it but didn’t know how or what to do. Then, his oldest saw porn on the computer, and she had been so well protected before she saw he and I being intimate, which we certainly didn’t do on purpose.

    He’s 38 and I’m 24. He also started using the term crazy women when talking to his daughter. That’s what he calls me and has called me in front of them. He has power over me, and I think he knows that, but I recently came to an awareness. He was wrestling with his oldest and it looked like he

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  120. Busisiwe

    My 2year old was staying her grandma (my mom) and my brother. I took her now she’s staying with me. When I bathe her she’s doesn’t want me to wash her vagina and when I didn’t know much about babies. She’s my first baby, so I’m planning to take her to de medical professional for examination. I’m so worried I’m even shaking.

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  121. Dee

    When my daughter was between the ages of 2 and 5 she consistently reported that her father was putting red things in her butt, which she could not explain what they were at the time. My ex and I were going through a divorce/custody battle at the time. My attorney told me to bring her into the hospital for an exam the first time she reported it to me, which at the age of 2.5 was inconclusive.

    The court had a field day with the allegation. Her allegations continued and we were in the store one day and she yelled out “Twizzlers,” which I was confused about her blurting this out. She then stated, “that was what daddy was putting in my butt.” I immediately called CPS again and they did a 15 minute interview with my daughter, called the police and then gave her father THREE days notice and told him what they were coming for and exactly what for.

    This was in October — the police found not one piece of candy in the house. Fast forward four years later and she recants by saying, “Do you remember when I told you about the red things — that never happened.” Dad has since had people living in his household and as far as I know, nothing has happened since. Obviously, there is a little more to this story, but this is the gist.

    Do you think that a child could indicate such things and then recant like this? The entire situation has never sat well with me and I still worry every day, because her father is an abusive man with extreme addictive behaviors.

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    • Carla perezz

      He sounds like an idiot. I bet your two year old had her but crack showing (as is common with growing babies) and dad thought it would be funny to stick something in there. In this case perhaps the twizzlers he was eating. Scoff

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  122. D C

    I am trying not to over react and trying not to under react either.

    My youngest is 2 and last week she was having her diaper changed and was playing with a stuffed cat which she tried putting in her diaper (not in a suggestive way) and I said don’t put the kitty by your dirty bum. She then made like the kitty was licking her dirty bum.

    I called my mom panicking. My mom said that she and her twin brother always walk around like kitties and lick at people, arms, knee, hand or face. And we were talking about kitties and bums and it was likely nothing. No one has access to my children. My husband myself and my grandmother are the main care providers. I spoke to my husband when I was so upset about it, he too was shook up. My mom calmed us both down some. She said if it happened a bunch of times then worry about it. Not to make a huge deal out of it, which I admit I probably overreacted.

    The next morning we were snuggling. And she was watching YouTube on my cell phone. And I looked over and she was watching the show where there were people pooping things like that it’s called doodie man (totally inappropriate). And I recalled that my three-year-old had found the same show a few days before on her own. I will admit that we have been very negligent in monitoring what they’re watching on YouTube, which I feel absolutely horrible about. I wrongly assumed graphic content wouldn’t make its way on there. Anyway later that day my two-year-old licked her dolls butt. When I said that’s gross where did you learn that? She told me the bum was dirty, see? And she pointed to the (writing it was a Cabbage Patch doll) we refer to poopy pants as dirty bums.

    My gut tells me she saw something on YouTube, it was all within the three-day span of that. If you go to that cartoon I was referring to, the links that are below it that you can just touch and move to are all inappropriate. I sat through some of the doodie man, never saw the actual poop licking, but did she poop eating and various other things like that, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it was in there.

    I just can’t subject myself to hours of footage to try and find the one they may have seen. And I cannot see anyone in our life doing that. I cannot see my husband, or anyone else. But I don’t want to overlook something, yet I don’t want to over react as well.

    Please help. I feel like a $h!tty parent for letting them have youtube access, but they were watching kid stuff, and now I got complacent and I am paying for it :(

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    • Carla perezz

      What if she saw Gramma’s kitty cats licking each other’s butts. Isn’t that how momma cats clean their kittens? Children learn a surprising amount from animals. I think it’s cute how much you are overreacting. It sounds like you’re a good parent. Really surprised you let your three year old watch YouTube though.

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  123. J

    If you ask a 2/3 year old leading questions about someone touching them, like did such and such do this, is that a good way to do it. Furthermore, what if this is someone that normally changes and takes care of the child?

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    • N

      Stop it. Right now!

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  124. sarah

    My 3yr goes to visitation at her dads/grandmother’s house 4x week with her almost 2yr brother. My daughter has come home several times with red, sore,and swollen genitals! My son came home with red and sore penis once! Each time it’s only their genitals and not the surrounding area. My daughter has been saying for about a week and a half her 7yr cousins touched her! Tonight she told me again and I asked her where they touched her? She said at Daddy’s. I asked her to touch herself where they touched her and she immediately put her hand to her genitals. She then told me her but too and they tickle her butt! I asked her if her 11yr cousin touched her? She said no, she touched brother (my son) and made him cry. I then asked her if she could show me were the cousin touched her brother, she pointed to my son’s penis. She then climbed on top of my son in the bathtub and started like humping him and making what I would call see noises. I’m worried and scared! I don’t know what to do or who to contact? Do I need to be concerned? My daughter also has tried sticking things in her vagina, stick her finger inside her butt, while sitting on the potty non stop playing with her self down there.

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    • Hanna

      Get the child away from ALL those involved, seek legal advice and medical too. DO NOT ALLOW them to GO NEAR your ex or his mother or cousins or uncles or whomever.

      Protect YOUR CHILDREN. If you have these concerns, GO TO THE POLICE! S/S and or a GP. Just doing NOTHING is exactly that, doing NOTHING!!! These innocent children need YOU to protect them! She’s telling you abuse is happening to them both for, goodness sake!

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      • sarah

        I have been to the police, dss and the hospital! I am being forced to send them into evil! I tried a restraining order and judge shot that down!! That whole side of family is very evil and have heavy mental illness. All reports I have made to the police or dss state it’s an ugly custody battle!

        What can I do to protect them/get something done!? I am just sick that no one will help or believe!!!!! My daughter tells me almost daily that @#÷×% and i_^::! Took her clothes off and her britches (what we call diapers/pull ups) and touched her butt and she touches her vagina. She will whisper we have to be very quiet and don’t tell! She keeps telling me s@&&€% takes her brothers clothes and britches off and touches him. My son is not yet 2 and he says s@&&€% plays Dr with him. My daughter keeps telling that i-^::! Nickel her brother down and held him down and refused to let him up! She gets very upset while telling it.

        I do believe the ex and his mom know what has happened! The ex’s family never call any of the kids by name ever it’s the boys, twins, the baby and little man. My daughter has said KIDS! DONT YOU EVER TOUCH EMMY LIKE THAT AGAIN! (Emmy is what she calls herself). It is court ordered that he gets the kids 2 days a week for 4 hrs and 2 days for 2hrs. The ex is majorly addicted to weed. He smokes it the minute he wakes up and continues to smoke it all day until he goes to bed. Unfortunately we live in a legal marijuana state so that is completely acceptable and he is back to drinking as well.

        I am at a loss and would love any and all help or advice to protect my kids and keep them safe! I want to protect them without the threat of losing my kids! I’ve been told if I don’t send them to evil then I will get contempt and he will get the kids! I am at a total loss! I have tried the legal ways to get help just to fail. The court facilitator is always trying to find a way to give my ex more time with the kids! I have been reporting to dss about my kids coming home bruised up, diaper rash to the point of blistering and bleeding, my daughter getting a very bad 2 degree burn to half her hand etc. And they say what do you want us to do about it? I am just at a total loss!!!

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        • sarah

          The police told me that my daughter is acting out what she has heard or saw! I can honestly say my kids DO NOT see or hear this stuff with me!!!! My TV is 99% of the time on Disney Channel, the 1% on the on the little couple (my kids love Will and Zoe)! I am very careful what my kids watch in my care! And I strongly believe kids come before a boyfriend (honest opinion, kids first, then furkids, then a man!) My only hope is that their counselor can do something! She has most definitely seen major detrimental changes to BOTH my kids!!!!

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          • N

            When your daughter comes back from the ex’s, take her to her pediatrician to be tested for THC. If he’s smoking with her in the room, she’s getting passive smoke and it will show in her urine or blood.

            Even if weed is legal in your state, it’s not legal to give weed to children and you can get him/them on this.

            The end result is he’ll have to have only supervised visits with her, and the courts could make him give pee tests as a condition of his privilege to be in her life.

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      • Er

        agreed why are u even asking u have pr00f it happened
        I

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  125. liezl

    I feel like I’m going crazy. My 2 year old told my the past Thursday that @#££% put his fingers in her did. For the life of me I can not recall the name. I got such a fright. I can still hear the name but also not hear it at the same time. I took her to a gp who suggested I work with her and try and get her to tell me the name again. I am trying. But she is mentioning all kinds of names. Please advise. I really need help.

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  126. heather

    So if i have a feeling my husband could be doing things to my 4 yr old daughter there are places that i can call to talk to someone about it? I know something is going on cause she is so clingy she wont let me leave her alone nor him. She has her legs open so much i havent seen children do that it seems she makes his arm or hand go between her legs sometimes thats very odd to me. He wont stop taking showers with her she still doesnt wipe her own butt even though she is potty trained im just so worried.

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    • Mandy medina

      Please stop letting him take showers with her! Why are you letting him do that? With all these concerns why would you allow that? Please be her protector and DO NOT ALLOW IT get some help for you and her. Find out! For sure!

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      • Audrey

        Also, your daughter is 4 and that is extremely inappropriate for the father to be taking a shower with his daughter. EXTREMELY. If he’s telling you he’s the father and it’s okay, you’re overreacting, HE’S LYING. Are you isolated too?

        Are you so removed from others with children that you feel like your expectations and desires regarding how he treats your daughter seem unreasonable? You might be in an abusive relationship. No reasonable grown man would take a shower with his 4 year old daughter and expose himself like that. It’s gross, unacceptable, and completely INAPPROPRIATE.

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    • Hanna

      You HAVE TO GET your DAUGHTER AWAY from that man. You should in NO WAY ALLOW abuse to be going on! You say you ‘have a feeling’ and that ‘you have evidence’ then for your daughters’ sake, PROTECT HER!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot believe some of these comments. Children are our responsibility. If you allow this to happen you are as bad as the abuser! How will she feel in 10-30 years from now that you just stood by and allowed this to happen. Get out and get her some help!

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