It appears that unexpected immersion in a Yummy Stepford Mummy culture is a rite of initiation for every new mom over 40.
In fact, according to some older mothers, it’s a midlife mom parental pandemic.
Lisa Cohn from Portland, OR, who had her third baby while in her fifties , says that she started looking for alternatives after a few “adventures in the park” meeting much younger moms whom she felt weren’t interested in speaking to her and with whom she had little in common.
“I felt really isolated at first. I really wanted to get together with older moms so we could discuss some of the issues related to being older…including nursing, having much older children plus a baby, how different it feels this time around to have a baby.”
A few months ago, Lisa got lucky with Geezers and Tots, a socializing and play-date Meet-up Group for over-40 parents and their children.
“This group has been really important to me”, says Lisa. “I no longer feel isolated. I’ve met some people I really like. I love getting together with other parents who have kids the same age as mine (toddler) and just hanging out with them and talking about the kids. It’s always fun and satisfying.”
Forty-one year old Leah from Seattle, WA–who has a 16 month old and a 2-and-a-half year old–weathered a similar social storm as a new midlife mom. She experienced a depth of isolation caused by a complexity of contributing factors—mostly to do with age differences.
Aside from not having much in common with younger moms, she says that many had “not been college educated or had well built careers like me before they became a mom.”
She goes on to point out they did not understand the fertility issues she was dealing with, and many were lacking in the kind of maturity that can only evolve from time and experience.
A mom with a mission, Leah launched a new Meet Up group in the Seattle area called 80s Ladies with Babies, which currently boasts 77 members.
“I strive to build a supportive group of moms who get together for play-dates and socialize”, says Leah. “I’m working especially hard to build a group that is open multi-culturally and is not cliquish. It’s important to be connected with like-minded moms to build friendships , community, and decrease isolation.”
Tamara, another midlife mom from San Jose, CA is on the lookout for a similar group. At 41 with a 13-month- old, she says that she doesn’t seem to be able to “click with the younger moms”. Worse, she finds that “a lot of mommy groups are cliquey and I feel like I’m in high school trying to fit in.”
Stepford Moms Under Thirty-Five gotcha feeling like the only warm body on the playground? If you can’t beat ‘em, start your own group.