Disclosure: A version of this piece previously posted on TheFabMom.com. All photos courtesy Jill Simonian.
Do you lie? Most moms do. Most moms I know do.
I find that even the most honest, open-armed, mother-Earth-to-all kinds of mothers fib to their kids. I think it’s fine. Fabulous, in fact. As mothers, we tell untruths to protect, to comfort or just to get our little ones to calm down and go quiet for 10 seconds.
I remember my grandma’s sister (my great aunt) once telling me that eating onions would make my hair grow really, really long all in the name of getting me to eat my veggies. (What a liar!) But a part of me still believes her, lovingly. For the record, my hair never grew all that long.
1) The guy’s gonna come and kick us out. You may’ve already read my explanation on that one. It pretty much always does the trick. Probably my best work yet.
2) It’s really Fairy Fruit Salad. You see, Tinkerbell and her fairy friends flew into our kitchen last night and made this just for YOU. They were so flattered about how both of you are such FANS of their movies, they wanted to do something special. They worked really hard. And now you’re NOT going to eat it? Please, try the Fairy Fruit Salad. It’ll make them so happy.
3) If you jump off of that (or run or pull your sister’s arm or open that junk drawer in the kitchen) your head (or leg or arm or fingers) WILL FALL OFF and we won’t be able to put them back on. We’ll have to put them in a bag and throw them away. Then what will we do? Cry. And you won’t have a head anymore (or, choose applicable body part).
4) If we don’t take a bath, stinky bugs will crawl up your bottom and live there. And then school will say “EWWWWWW who stinks?” and not let you play with your friends. Do want spiders to live in your bum-bum? Now get in the bath before the bugs find us.
5) This iced-tea is medicine and tastes disgusting. Yuk. Gross. (If I really need to persuade, I start making wincing faces and sticking out my tongue. Don’t judge until you try it.)
6) If we don’t go potty before bed, then we might peepee on the princesses and they’ll wake up crying in the middle of the night. I should note I’m referring to the princesses on our bedsheets. And sometimes the ones that sleep beside us too.
7) The sound of thunder is really the sky shouting “hello!” at us. Don’t cry, it’s just trying to be friendly. It’s loud because it wants to make sure we can hear it (you see, the sky is very far away). It’s lonely. We should wave hello to the sky and say “hi” back so it feels better. (Waving out the window and shouting “hello! hello!” usually follows. What fear?)
So fess up! What do you fib about?