Foster Parenting: If Not You, Then Who?

Foster Parenting - If Not You, Then WhoLike any other challenging and rewarding venture in life, fostering offers a wide range of experiences. Some good. Some not so much. But it’s all well worth it.

One thing that can’t be disputed is that it is needed when there are children who have nowhere else to go. For my husband and me, deciding to become foster parents was one of the biggest commitments we’ve made. Six years after becoming first-time foster parents, we’ve learned a few tidbits we’d like to share with others who are foster parents or considering being a foster parent.

7 tips to help make your foster care experience rewarding

1. YOU are making a difference in a child’s life.

Not all foster parents are “in it for the money” so don’t let others’ misconception stop you from telling everyone you know, “Yes, I am a foster parent and I’m proud of it.” Your commitment and excitement is the best recruitment tool EVER.

2. Fostering is a full-time job, just like parenting biological children.

I would feel bad when being placed with an infant and I couldn’t answer the phones or reply to emails as quickly, but then I had an “ah ha” moment: I didn’t feel bad with my biological children because I was expected to have crazy days. No difference here. There are no “off” days in fostering but if you do need a break, utilize respite care or babysitting services and don’t feel guilty about it.

3. You can’t take away a child’s pain at losing his or her parent, even if it’s temporarily.

You can only be there, in the moment, when the pain is too much to bear. Even sitting in silence is better than not being there.

4. Celebrate successes, no matter how minor.

Along the same lines, don’t ignore bad behavior either, no matter how minor. Sometimes, as foster parents, we may never have a complete picture of what the child’s life was like beforehand so establish your ground rules for rewards and discipline upfront. Remain the steady force in the child’s life so that they will learn to balance the good with the bad.

5. Not every placement is the “right” placement for you.

You have to be comfortable in knowing what you can handle and what you can’t handle. Don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t work out; just remain confident in the fact that you provided what you could to the best of your ability.

6. Fostering challenges marriages.

You MUST maintain a healthy relationship because there will now be 10 times more people in your lives — children, biological parents, biological siblings, caseworkers, healthcare professionals, etc. — all with differing personalities and opinions and who all need your time. And just as you would with biological children, stay united in providing care and discipline.

7. You don’t have to do it alone.

There are organizations and associations to support you. Don’t ever feel that your situation is too unique; share your concerns with others and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

My husband and I love being part of a system that helps children. When we talk to acquaintances about fostering, we don’t sugarcoat it and we don’t bash it — we just provide an honest discussion. As I’ve mentioned previously, fostering is a commitment and as with any commitment, it’s not all good and it’s not all bad but you’re in it for the long haul.

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LaShaun Wallace

T. LaShaun Wallace is the member services chair for the National Foster Parent Association. She and her husband Michael began fostering in 2008 and have since adopted two children from foster care.

Note: This Perspectives Blog post is written by a guest blogger of DrGreene.com. The opinions expressed on this post do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Dr. Greene or DrGreene.com, and as such we are not responsible for the accuracy of the information supplied. View the license for this post.

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