I am hyper aware that taking the challenge of swimming in the dark night water is a much different fear than being afraid of lipstick, yet these two things live side by side inside of me. I won’t spend any mental energy thinking about how they might be related, but I will take a break from some pretty hefty topics like the number of days left in your life and facing the unknown to talk about the fear of lipstick.
Lipstick smells weird. And there are too many choices. It looks like candy, but it melts fast—all over your face. I get a little excited when I talk and I’m sure there is eating involved and my hand going to my mouth in shock when someone is telling me a story, or I bite my bottom lip, and I’m always kissing people, so I know all of these things do not lend themselves well to wearing lipstick. But still. There should be something invented for people like me. Isn’t the whole country of Brazil like me? How can all those women keep lipstick on so successfully? I don’t get it.
When I was writing down all my fears last month, I put down “department store makeup counters”—but I found out fast it was really only the lipstick part of the process that scares me. It is deceptive. It lies. It does not stay on your lips. It makes believe it is delicate, but smears very easily and completely outside of the lines of your lips, making you. look. crazy. Lipstick can go from an adornment to making you look like a contorted fun house clown lady pretty quickly. And if you have dry lips? Forget it—even scarier.
And, Another Thing
Don’t even get me started on lip liner, which is just a thinner piece of lipstick that costs more money. This doesn’t do ANYTHING. It draws a fake line. A fake line around your mouth, that melts. Maybe I have misbehaving lip lines, or more small muscles in my face than the average woman. Or maybe it is time to speak up about a very temporary event on our faces.
Maybe It’s Me?
Maybe I’m still a little girl locked inside– never learned how to do this correctly. Or maybe my hand doesn’t move slow enough to put lipstick on properly. I am right handed and I will tell you now, that what I have attempted with lipstick always looks like left-handed writing, but on my face. And that is scary not only for me.
So, I faced this fear. At a restaurant in Houston recently, my friend whipped out her makeup case and said – you are doing RED lipstick tonight. So I go with it—there are gasps and compliments—I look in the mirror—wow—this is definitely doing something different to my face. Interesting. I delicately take a few sips of wine while we continue to talk and then I secretly slip away from the table into the bathroom to see the truth. A whole 10 minutes later, and there it is: SMEAR FACE. I knew it. And, why didn’t anyone tell me? Why aren’t we telling our friends? That they have it in their teeth and outside the lines of their mouth, and sometimes whole chunks of it missing on the lip itself?? Nothing scarier than smeared red lipstick. This one was faced, but not conquered. I’m fine with that.