Often as a parent we believe we are teaching our kids values that are important to us, yet we also want to give to our children. I find that many times parents are shocked that their child had a break down at the store or temper tantrum about wanting a toy or goodie. But what we sometimes forget is that we are teaching our children when we allow them to have, have, have or when we do not set boundaries and processes for them to succeed.

Here is a prime example. I do not usually get my kids toys when we go to the store, but on occasion I have told them they could get something for $1 (treat or stickers, etc..). Well after they had been given a $1-2 goodie several times in a row and I did not give them something on the next trip to the store my kids had an all out tantrum . The trip to the store was a nightmare. I wondered why my children acted this way and then it hit me. I was responsible for making them come to expect they would get a small goodie. They had observed a pattern in my behavior and when my behavior changed without notice they broke down. Once I realized what was happening, I was able to set new expectations and better behavior from my kids when we go to the store. Are you wondering how I stopped the tantrums from our trips to the store?

With these 5 strategies any parent can use:

1. Set Clear Expectations before Entering any Store or Restaurant

Before going to a store with your child discuss what will happen during your excursion. Tell him what you are going to the store for and what you are not getting. For instance, if I do not plan to let them get anything I tell them so, and if we are getting a toy for a party I explain that ahead of time and tell them we are not buying any toys for them so that when we visit the toy aisle I have a clear understanding of why we are in their favorite section.

2. Create a Wish List for Your Child

If they ask for toys, games, other items I tell them lets write it down so they can decide if it is something they want to ask for- for their birthday or Christmas

If my kids ask for a toy or video game during the Fall, I tell my kids they should put their favorite gift ideas onto their Christmas Wish List. I then proceed to tell them unless they are buying the item themselves, I am not buying any toys, games, etc… I also remind them it will not be long before Christmas arrives and they get presents.

I also explain that just because they have asked for a list of gifts does not mean Santa or their family will get it for them. I tell them that Santa has many children to give gifts to and has to limit what each child is given.

3. Change Your Language

Our language, actions and attitude determine how our children will act when it comes to getting things they want. If we want to promote a healthy respect for patience, an understanding of need versus want, teach kids how to delay gratification then is it important we teach them how to do those things. One way we do that is by telling them how we are patient and delay buying things we need or want in our own lives. It is also important that we talk to them about how to be patient and give them words and ways to do so. I tell my children the following:

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