10 Things I Didn’t Know about Having a Baby – Numbers 6 & 7

Surgical Staples

Surgical StaplesThis week on Dr.Greene.com, I am sharing ten things that I didn’t know would happen right after I had a baby. On Monday I shared numbers 1 and 2, and yesterday I shared numbers 3 through 5. Today, I’ve got numbers 6 and 7 for you.

6. Then they pull out the staples?!

Here’s a little thing I forgot about: once they staple you closed, at some point they have to pull the staples out. Huh! Totally didn’t think about that until the nurse came to do it to me. I had already been emotionally scarred by all of my “massages”, so I was petrified about having those staples pulled out with what looked like a small pair of pliers.

The nurse tried to tell me that it wasn’t going to hurt, but I was not buying it. I held my husband’s hand and put my other hand over my eyes before she got started. And you know what? It actually didn’t hurt at all. Then the nurse said, “Okay, now for the second row.” I bolted up and said, “WHAT?!” And she said, “Just kidding.” I told her she was the worst nurse ever, and we were BFFs from there on out.

7. Hey little baby, I — (snore)

I was put on a little drug called magnesium after delivery, because I developed pre-eclampsia at the end of my pregnancy.  I didn’t know anything about magnesium because I assumed going in that I was just going to be on painkillers. Well, magnesium makes you sleepy. And by sleepy, I mean that I fell asleep with a spoonful of pudding halfway to my mouth.

Not even kidding.

That’s how I spent the first few precious days of my babies lives — trying to stay awake long enough to complete a sip of water.

 Come back tomorrow for numbers 8 and 9 on my list of surprises!

Meredith Bland

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Meredith Bland is an award-winning humor blogger. You can read all of her nonsense at PileofBabies.com.

 

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