There’s only one grandparent left in our family – my 93-year old father-in-law. A former tailor, with all his wits still about him and a mischievous sense of humor, he’s the go-to guy when our daughters (24 and 27) have fashion questions.

Their mother (that’d be me) is totally utterly useless in these matters. In fact I am regularly directed or chastised by these children. (But that’s another story)

Generations of fashion

I never cease to get a kick out of watching them turn this way and that as Grandpa, examines seams and linings

I didn’t have grandparents growing up, so it’s a new and remarkable and heart-warming experience to see how these girls dote on and respect their Grandpa.

What are memories made of?

A decade ago, their only other grandparent (my mother-in-law) died. She refused to let the kids see her in her last days in the hospital. She was weak, but adamant about this.

Our daughters mourn that to this day. They couldn’t understand – and even felt it selfish of her – why their Grandmother denied her grandaughters a chance to see her again.

Most of us never see death

Around that time, their beloved aunt was dying of cervical cancer. She died at home and we all saw her change from vibrant and vivacious to a wasted and jaundiced shell.

Those two experiences put into perspective that my mother-in-law wouldn’t want to be seen (and remembered) as she looked in that hospital bed.

Now, we’re seeing our fashionista slowing down. He’s a wonder at 93, but still – he’s increasingly bent over, tires easily and often has dangerously high blood pressure.

With my interest and focus on end of life communication and education, I broached, with my husband, the subject of ensuring his wishes were put in writing. “Oh Gawd.’ He groaned. “I don’t know about this. Don’t be surprised if he bolts.”

I did, and he didn’t He was so very happy to get this straightened away and understood by all – including his granddaughters (who also said ”Oh Gawd, Mom, no”).

Whose death is it, anyway?

We dinner with him weekly and I can see the girls – our daughters, his granddaughters – are greatly affected, witnessing him winding down. He doesn’t want the girls to see him ‘in any kind of state’ and didn’t buckle when they protested.

As I continue to explore how life’s end is fodder for interesting debates and internal explorations, I ponder and puzzle: whose death is it anyway and whose wishes should be honored?

Sweet mothers, have you had these days? Those moments when you get just a breath of perspective about the tenderness found in the motherhood days? I make it a point to celebrate the little things – the simple moments in life. Here’s a story about a night last year when I realized the gift found in the moment of today.

I knew it was coming.

Samuel, my little Samuel, was wandering around the living room in those favorite monkey pajamas with the orange super soft shirt. Every once in a while he’d put his head down on the couch and take a quick rest. I was watching him. That little one, up a bit too late, trying so hard to stay awake.

Samuel? Samuel do you want to rock with mama?

He looked up, in those sweet little jammies that I splurged on just weeks before, and shook his head no.

Wake. Wake time.

I let him play while glimpses of the winter sun faded into the west. He kept playing, sneaking little peeks at me sitting in the rocking chair watching him, hoping for just a couple more minutes of time before bed.

Samuel.

Little eyes look at me. Worried, just a bit. They were eyes that knew the inevitable bedtime words were coming.

Samuel. Samuel come rock in the chair with mama.

Instead of fighting he simply came. Running through the room, over to me, and let me scoop him up. I gathered up that little one, nestled him in my arms, and started to rock him. He rested his head, that head with the hair on it that never likes to rest flat,  on my shoulder, and
I patted his back.

We rocked.

Back and forth. And back and forth. And back in forth.

I knew it would be short.

He’s growing up. He’s busy and sees what he wants to do. I knew, I knew right then I was to savor these early evening minutes of him being absolutely content to rock with me. Those moments of him sitting in my lap with his head resting on my shoulder are the little things that matter moments of life.

Remember.

Remember him. Remember him now. Little, in my arms, rocking away. Wanting to be with me.

And then, just as quickly as I had the moment, the moment was done.

No bed. Not tired. Wake time, mama.

I gently let him down, and watched those little monkey printed pants wander back to the pile of John Deere tractors in the corner, and I sighed just a bit. It was that mixture of content motherhood sigh with the reality that those motherhood moments are fleeting. It was that nostalgic sigh that we as mothers collective breathe as we see our littles growing and becoming independent.

Soon these rocking days will be done.

So tonight, tonight, tonight I rested in those minutes where I was blessed to rock my Samuel.

Grab those moments, I tell myself over and over.

Grab them. Slow down.

Slow down.

After a couple more minutes, I gathered him up, carried him up the stairs and brought him to his room. Now, there was no more fighting that inevitable it’s time for bed surrender. We stood at the edge of his bed, and I sang him a little song, and then tucked him up.

Love you, Samuel. 

Love you, Mama.

Forever.

******

How about you? What are moments that you simply want to gather and remember? They’re the little moments that matter in the broad scheme of motherhood. 

It’s shocking how little sleep most people get. It’s the trend in today’s busy, electronic, always-on culture. It’s almost a badge of honor. But it’s not healthy for anyone.

For many parents, especially new parents the night-after-night routine of 2 a.m. (and 4 a.m. and 6 a.m.) wakings goes from “missing a little sleep” to sleep deprivation. In my practice and here at DrGreene.com, I hear from parents that it’s one of the things they are most concerned about — and for good reason. When we sleep our bodies heal from the days’ workouts and injuries and our minds have time to carefully log all that’s taken place since the last time we slept.

The good news is, there are natural ways to encourage a good night’s sleep. They include the right light and temperature at the right time.

In this video, I discuss how you can work with your own (or your child’s) body rhythm to help your body and mind fall asleep and stay asleep.

These tips are not the cure for every sleep issue. Newborns will still wake up to be fed. There will still be trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night. But working with nature makes it easier to fall back asleep when night time sleep disturbances do happen.

When was the last time you felt truly rested? How would having natural energy that comes from a good night’s sleep change your life?

For more information on sleep:

When Baby Won’t Go to Sleep on Her Own
When Children Can’t Sleep
Adolescents and Sleep
Sleep Deprivation and ADHD
Sleep Well. Do Well.

Those hard days happen.

Yesterday I wrote about the throw in the towel days and why they’re inevitable in the spectrum of motherhood.

Sometimes they string together to form a hard week which strings together to form one of those seasons that becomes harder than we imagined. And yet, even in those moments where life is just a bit more challenging than normal, we’re left with the responsibility to mother. We can’t really throw in the towel, now can we? We still have little ones pulling at our legs and asking us why and not wanting to take naps. Or they’re older and they think we’re dumb or the worst parent ever and they slam the door.

Those moments happen. We, you, me, we just need to get through.

Here are four things to remember on those hard mothering days.

1. Give yourself grace. Grace is such an easy word to say, but an incredibly hard thing to remember. It’s easy to look at the mistakes made and to not remember that we too, as mothers, are human. You will make mistakes. You’ll get exasperated over the spilled milk, the messy room, the cries over not liking dinner. But, those mistakes don’t define you – you can learn from them. You must also remember to give yourself grace. Just because you messed up at nine in the morning doesn’t mean that ten in the morning has to not work out. That’s the beauty of grace – it lets the past go, it looks forward to the future, and embraces the gift in today. Grace is a minute by minute gift that you can not only give to yourself but also to your children.
2. Focus on one thing at a time. I believe that overwhelm happens when we have too many things that we think we need to get done yesterday. Then instead of being able to focus on completing one thing well we see everything that we need to do or maybe should have done, forget to give ourselves grace, and then get stuck in a cycle of thinking we can’t get anything done. Find one thing to do and do it well. Not a dozen things. One. Maybe it’s reading to your toddler and ignoring the dishes for the moment. Maybe it’s doing the dishes and ignoring the email. Maybe it’s doing your email. Maybe it’s just simply sitting in the rocking chair and rocking the baby.But do one thing. And then one more thing. And then one more. That’s the focus in those moments.
3. Practice gratitude. Ah yes, gratitude. During those hard days it is so easy to see every single thing that isn’t working. I tell you – on my hard days I will notice the rip in my living room couch, will hate my hair, will be unhappy that the laundry isn’t folded, don’t like the mess, wish it was sunny, and on and on. It’s easy to forget the perspective of the beautiful gift of normal. Yes, normal. When a crisis hits we so often wish for normal. When my son Samuel was in the hospital after he was diagnosed with Celiac Disease the one thing that I wished for was normal. Normal is beautiful, but often forgotten. So practice gratitude. It’s an art, really. It’s a skill to look beyond the challenging things and to seek out the good. That’s the whole finding joy aspect of my life. Joy isn’t something that just plops in our laps – joy is seeking out the good in lives that so often are imperfect.
   It’s there. Maybe it’s the sun streaming in your window. Or in the smile of your toddler with the messy face. Or in the flowers that your friend brought you on your really crummy day. Or in coffee – because truthfully, that brings me joy. Look for it. Practice gratitude – it really does help change perspective.
4. Be real. This times infinity. How many times have you ached when you’re having a bad day as you mutter to your friends that you’re fine? You know what? Maybe, just maybe, maybe you should utter that you’re having one of those real parenting days. The days that aren’t as rosy. Let’s be real. Let’s be a generation of parents who decide to work together parenting. You will have great days too. You will have normal days. Lousy days. Fabulous days. Creative days. Days where you are on the top of the world. (Or at least the laundry pile). Days that are just days. Whatever you have – they are all normal. So let’s be real. Let’s pull up our parenting bootstraps together, let’s brush each other off, and let’s not parent alone.Motherhood wasn’t meant to be a journey in aloneness. Motherhood is meant to be shared. And that means linking arms and being real. You can do it. You totally can – even on those hard days.

What tips would you add to help you get through those inevitably hard motherhood days?

You’ve had those days.

I know it. I’ve had them. They’re the days when the clock has barely hit 8:10am and you’re already feeling like you’d love to throw in the hypothetical towel of parenting. You know that towel? The towel that has already dealt with kids that don’t want to get up, kids that don’t like their breakfast, lost homework, crying toddlers, babies that refuse to be anywhere but your left hip, burnt toast, alarms missed, and spilled milk.

You’d throw in the towel, but it’s in the laundry. And, if your home is anything like mine at times, it’s probably in the washing machine in the load that you forgot to switch the night before.

Those throw in the towel days of motherhood. Of parenthood, really.

They are inevitable.

Let me write that for you again.

They are inevitable.

Oh my goodness there are beautiful days tucked in our days as parents. They are the days that we dream about – days where the kids go to bed without fuss, where the living room looks perfect with the throw pillows tucked just right, where there are finger paint projects on the fridge, and we’re simply content. Thank goodness for those days, right? They are beautiful. And as I tell my readers, and my friends, and you, write those days down on your calendar. Circle it and write the words - today was a great day – down.

You know why?

Because there is a really great chance that the very next day will make you wonder what on earth you are doing as a mother. That will be the day when you can’t even get out of bed without there being an immediate crisis. That will be the day when the bowl with cereal with milk gets splattered all over because the kids were fighting over who got to see the back of the cereal box and onto the pile of papers left on the table.

Yesterday it wouldn’t have bothered you, and yet today, today it wants to make you find that well stained parenting towel and to throw it in and to maybe whisper or yell or say, “I quit.”

Having a throw in the towel day doesn’t make you a bad parent just like having the idyllic day doesn’t make you a perfect parent. They’re just days in a collection of days that gather together to form a life and a parenthood journey. We all have those collections, those patterns that are woven together. We may all be parents, all mothers, all have similar or different stories, and yet each of ours is beautifully unique and independently our own. And friends, we all, have those throw in the towel days of motherhood.

So you have that throw in the towel day. Or morning. Or week. You know what you can do? You can learn from it. You can learn from it and grow. And you can be real about it – those days simply are part of a normal, real, motherhood journey. They’re the days that really make us stronger. They unearth the brave part of us, the superhero tucked within, and they can make us want to scream and run around the block yelling I am mom hear me roar. Or maybe that’s just me.

We can learn. We can grow. We can thrive.

Now, pick up that motherhood towel, and wipe the counters. You are a brave mother, a strong mother, a fighter, a perfect tucker into bed at night, and lover of your children.

The days all matter. The awesome. The good. The throw in the towel feeling days.

It’s all part of this amazing, exhausting, rewarding, and totally awesome journey called motherhood.

What is your strategy for dealing with throw in the towel days? Mine? I love to read a book with them, watch a movie, or sometimes load them in the car and drive to Starbucks. How about you?

Over the past several years I’ve written dozens of letters and articles to mothers. They’ve been open letters talking about our fears of failures, our worries, our wonderings if what we’re doing really matters, our successes, and our giving of self. These simple notes, filled with words of bravery, encouragement, and we’re in this together let’s pull up our bootstraps have reached over a million readers.

They’re not full of quick fourteen easy steps in three weeks spending only two hours a day ways to becoming a perfect parent. They’re not lists of things we should be doing or shouldn’t be doing or forgot to be doing. Instead, they’re full of words celebrating mothers and declaring that normal moms, real moms, in their imperfect yet very much trying lives, are actually truly enough.

So I wrote about why moms are enough early one July morning in the Starbucks where I love to write. It’s a cool Starbucks – it’s the place where they know my name, they know my drink, and more than that they’re my friends. I sat at my round table, the table where I always sit, and I poured my heart onto the dashboard on my screen. I wrote about why moms are enough – enough in their every day normal diaper changing, wiping noses, driving to soccer lives.

And that post Why Being a Mom is Enough post went crazy.

They really were simple words. Words declaring the truth about motherhood.

Words about why what you are doing today, in your normal every day motherhood life, truly makes a difference. Yes, of course, you could argue with me that it is just doing the dishes, just washing faces, just vacuuming the floor, just folding socks, just reading the same book again and again, just doing anything in the crazy role of motherhood.

There really is no just.

We just live in a culture that has tended to take the normal beautiful motherhood moments and has added layers of to-do lists to them. No longer are there just simple birthday parties – now there are boards and boards and boards on Pinterest telling us as mothers how to do the perfect birthday party.

The boards are good.

But, they are just boards full of ideas. Just like there are books, magazines, blogs, Facebook updates, television shows, podcasts, classes, and more telling us different ways to become better, to do more, and to help with the parenting journey. The information is good. It’s great. We can learn from it, but we must remember the truth.

The truth?

Your kids will remember you – not the perfect birthday party, perfectly decorated room, perfect schedule, or whatever thing that we think we need to complete to be a good mom. They will remember you. They will remember the times where you sat with them in the car and talked to them and built them up before they started that new class. Or the nights that you stopped and rocked the baby to sleep. Or the little hugs before class, the making of the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, the notes on the fridge, the cheering from the sidelines, the loving even when you felt like crying, real life, real giving mom moments.

It’s not the stuff.

It’s the giving of self.

It’s the normal you are enough moments of motherhood that matter. They are the moments that I celebrate. They are the times that I write about in my Dear Mom Letters. I don’t want to celebrate perfection – I want to celebrate real.

I want to celebrate you. And the mom next door. The mom working two jobs. The single mom. The new mom. The mom exhausted but still smiling. Mom. All moms.

Real mom, you, right now, are enough. You are enough even when you feel like you don’t measure up or that you’re failing or you don’t know what to do next. You are simply enough.

Isn’t that a freeing thought? Isn’t it a beautiful thing to realize that so often those little things that you do are truly the big beautiful things of life? Those rocking chair moments, the tucking them up in bed, the mixing of chocolate into milk, all of that matters. So incredibly much. Those are the being a mom enough moments of life.

So sweet real mom, my heart for you today is that you can begin to be reminded about how what you are doing right now in your perfectly imperfect life makes a difference in the life of a child. Your child. So hold your chin up high. Butter that bread, pull the t-shirt on over their head, tie the shoes, buckle them up, grab your latte, tuck them in bed at night, and just keep fighting.

You are a brave mother.

And you are most certainly enough.

What little thing that you do every single day do you think you’ll remember once your children are grown?

Your toddler can now eat just about everything you eat. That does not mean that he actually WILL eat everything you eat. That is no reason not to try to continue to feed the healthiest foods. Of course you want to stay away from foods that are too salty, spicy, sugary or those that contain too much butter.

Tips For Feeding a Toddler Successfully: Part 2

To encourage a toddler to willingly try new foods:

• Place SMALL amounts of foods nicely arranged on his plate. A too-full plate is overwhelming to a child.
• Cut your toddler’s food into easy-to-eat pieces. Make healthy foods fun by using decorating ideas.
• Get your toddler involved. Think of easy ways that your toddler can be included in food preparation. Yes, this can be messy. But if healthy eating habits result, it will be worth it. Could your toddler dump beans into a bowl before you place them on the stovetop? Could he rip some lettuce or even place shreds of carrots on his plate?
• Keep offering new foods, but do not be offended by refusals. Meal time should be as stress-free for both of you as possible.
• While your toddler is eating, let her concentrate. Do not let her get distracted by the TV or other diversions. Try to use mealtimes to connect with your toddler and focus on her.

Toddler Tasty Eggplant Slices

Eggplant is such a versatile vegetable and so good for your toddler, as well as the whole family. It features a host of vitamins and minerals as well as phytonutrients (organic components of plants), rich in antioxidants.

• Preheat oven to 450°F
• Slice eggplant into ½-inch thick slices and arrange on a cookie sheet
• Spread with tofu mayonnaise (easily found at a natural food store)
• Sprinkle with wheat germ or whole grain bread crumbs
• Sprinkle with grated parmesan cheese
• Sprinkle with oregano (optional)
• Bake for 15 minutes

Enjoy!

When I was a child, it was commonplace to remove tonsils. The thinking of the day was that tonsils didn’t serve much of a purpose. Much like the thinking of the day about the appendix.

Now we know the tonsils serve as filters keeping bacteria, viruses, and foreign bodies that enter the mouth from making their way into the digestive system. When they do their jobs well, the trapped bacteria or viruses can cause a great deal of discomfort. In that regard, a sore throat is a sign that the tonsils are doing their job.

For some people, especially adolescents, the tonsils can trap “mouth debris” (isn’t that a nice term?) in tiny (or in some cases deep) crevices in the tonsil surface. This can build up and become what’s known as tonsil stones. The result isn’t typically a medical issue, but it can cause problems.

Watch this week’s video to find out how to get rid of tonsil stones if you have them, and more importantly, how to avoid getting them.

What do you find works best to remove tonsil stones? After you’ve gotten rid of them, have you been able to keep them from coming back?

For more information on tonsil stones:

What are Tonsil Stones
Treating Tonsil Stones
Tonsil Removal

As your baby grows into toddlerhood his taste buds and tolerances will be more in line with an adult’s. However, you want to make sure that the food he (or she) eats is still the best that you can offer because what he learns to like now will probably stay with him for a very long time.

Toddler Food Rejection

Toddlers are constantly testing limits and mealtimes are no exception. Expect plenty of refusals. At mealtimes, you never know when he will reject a food, even a food that he previously relished. Try not to take rejections personally and continue to keep mealtimes pleasant and relaxing. As a new parent you have already learned that flexibility is key. Never will that skill be more tested than when feeding a toddler!

Tips For Feeding a Toddler Successfully: Part 1

To encourage a toddler to willingly try new foods:

• Cut your toddler’s food into easy-to-eat pieces. Toddlers also think it is fun when you make playful, decorative food. Decorating takes only seconds, but makes your toddler feel very special! Below I include a toddler recipe that is a good example of a few easy decorative touches.
• When offering a new or disliked food, shift the focus away from the food by initiating a chat about your toddler’s favorite things, such as that swing at the playground or his favorite book or toy.
• Give your child some control over food choices by asking a multiple-choice question such as, “Would you like peaches or pears today with your lunch?”
• Along with any new food offered to your toddler, offer a familiar food that you know your toddler likes.

Mr. & Mrs. Sweet Potato Heads Toddler Recipe

Sweet potatoes, as well as being easily digested, are a great source of vitamins and minerals, including Vitamin C, potassium, magnesium and others. You have most likely already fed your baby sweet potato purée. Here is a toddler recipe that provides the same terrific nutrients in a new, appetizing, as well visually appealing fun way.

• Wash 2 medium sweet potatoes by scrubbing gently; do not peel
• Steam (30 minutes) or boil (20-30 minutes)
• Cut cooked sweet potatoes in half lengthwise
• Scoop out the flesh, being careful to keep skin intact to be used as a bowl later.
• Mash flesh
• Mix flesh with: 2 tablespoons plain yogurt, preferably organic or homemade | 1 tablespoon maple syrup or honey (remember this is a toddler recipe, over age 1 for the honey) | and 2 tablespoons orange juice
• Place sweet potato mixture back into reserved skin bowls.

Use Decorative Touches to make eyes (olive slices, cooked beans), nose (raisin, carob chip), mouth (a line of raisins, crescent shaped apple section), hair (strings of cheese, carrot shavings) to mention just a few examples.

Millet is a super healthy whole grain cereal and can be used instead of brown rice as a first cereal. With recent concerns about arsenic levels in white and brown rice, even organic, millet is a terrific choice as a Super Porridge base. Millet is not likely to cause an allergy and is easily digested. Millet has many wonderful nutritive properties including Vitamin B, potassium, iron, protein, and other vitamins and minerals. Super Porridge millet alone is a terrific meal.

Below, I describe the preparation of millet Super Porridge and the preparation of steamed, puréed kale. To blow things right out of the nutritional waters, I suggest sprinkling this meal with nutritional yeast! This does not sound tasty to us, and indeed it is not, but a baby’s palate is perfect for this fantastic nutritious combination.

To Prepare Super Porridge with Millet:

• Place a cup of water on the stove to boil
• While it is heating put 3 tablespoons of millet in the blender and grind to a fine powder, approximately 2 minutes.
• Whisk the millet powder into the water and let it sit over low heat for 10 minutes. Whisk frequently to prevent lumps.

A word on kale. Kale is, in my opinion, the most super of the Super Green Veggies. I fed it to my babies at least every second day when it was in season. Kale has so many wonderful nutrients including fiber, calcium, Vitamin B6, magnesium, Vitamins A, C and K, copper, potassium, iron, manganese, and phosphorus. Now that I have your attention, let me tell you how you can prepare the kale so you can add it to your baby’s diet in the 6- to 8-months-old range.

To Prepare Kale:

• Select kale that is loose and not in plastic bags, if at all possible
• Wash each leaf thoroughly under cold water
• Discard unwanted leaves
• Remove stems
• Steam leaves for 5 minutes, reserving the liquid
• Place pieces in blender with some reserved liquid
• Purée away!
• At this point in preparation, it would be perfect to add the puréed kale to a stainless steel ice cube tray for freezing for later use.

Remember kale has a very strong flavor so it is best to mix ½ to 1 kale cube with one cup of millet Super Porridge. You already have the makings of a wonderful meal for your baby at this point. To take it up one more notch, sprinkle with nutritional yeast.

Nutritional yeast is consistently one of the top suppliers for the major nutrients, especially B12 and trace elements. Sprinkling a bit of nutritional yeast, ½ teaspoon for your 6- to 8-month-old baby, gives his meal a super nutritious boost!