What is transracial or transcultural adoption? In a nutshell, it’s the placement of a child from one culture or ethnic group with adoptive parents of a differing culture or ethnic group. My family and I know first-hand what this experience is like. For us, it’s a wonderful and enriching experience.

Of our six children, our two youngest are adopted and both are from Mexican heritage. While one has light hair and hazel eyes, the other is obviously Mexican American. Yes, I get looks when we go out and people hear him call me mom. I’ve had checkers at Walmart ask me if I’m babysitting. I’ve had folks ask me “where he came from.” I’ve had people ask me if they are part something (to which my reply before has been, “No, they are 100% human”). I’ve had strangers ask me if my husband is Mexican. My husband had a stranger at a park be quite perplexed at how our boys could possibly be brothers. Quite often, this is all done in ear shot of my children.

Frankly, none of this really bothers me. People are curious and sometimes ignorant and quite often speak without thinking. We as a family are very open about our children’s race and heritage. They, just like my biological children, have a very rich heritage that they should be proud of and deserve to know about. We don’t hide the fact that our race is different just like we don’t hide from the adoption topic.

How being in a transracial family will affect your child’s self-esteem will greatly depend on you and your extended family. There have been some studies done on how transracial adoption affects the adopted child, but few large scale studies. The results are mixed. Some studies seem to show no difference in self-esteem between kids who are adopted transracially compared to those who are adopted within their ethnic background. Other studies seem to show that self-esteem is an issue for these kids, and that they will struggle with their racial identity later in life.

How does my family handle it? We are very open about it. We talk about our skin colors. I tell my darker skin son how much I love his skin. He tells me when I sunburn due to my very light colored skin, that he wishes he could give me some of his tan. Sweet boy. Because we homeschool, I’m able to spend time teaching them more about their heritage. We attend Cinco de Mayo festivals in our home town. Because neither of our boys came to us knowing Spanish, we are currently having them take Spanish lessons. To my children, biological as well as adopted, adoption and transracial families are a common thing. My sister and her husband also have three adopted children. Two are from Russia and one is from China. Our “cousins” family pictures are a wonderful mixed portrait of different heritages. And you know what? It’s an amazingly beautiful portrait.

Have you adopted a child of another ethnicity or culture? We’d love to hear about your experience!

Have you heard the saying “parenting isn’t for wimps?” Well, that’s especially true for parenting a child that you’ve adopted as an older child. Older child adoption brings on a whole set of challenges that infant adoption doesn’t. Older children come with a history, personalities, anger and hurt over what has happened to them and what they have lost. They might have attachment issues, post-traumatic stress disorder, and obstinate defiance disorder, among other issues. They might grieve their past even when it was a traumatic past. After all, it’s all they know and it’s familiar to them. You are not familiar to them.

After the age of two years old, a child is considered hard to adopt. Everyone wants to adopt the infants. Not so with the other children. The older the child is, the more unlikely they are to find a forever family.

We adopted our two youngest boys at the age of 5 (they are 8 months apart) and they had both already been in multiple homes. With our first adopted son, I or my husband use to spend hours the first two years he was home with us holding him securely and rocking him while he threw raging angry fits. He was angry. He was hurt. At one point during a rage when he had just turned 5 and we had only had him a month, he looked up at me and sobbed, “my bones are angry.” That is how angry this child was. All the way to his little bones. Now, at the age of 10, the angry fits are few and far between. It takes time to heal. This is the same child who today had a deep sense of compassion.

So, why if older children come with all these issues would anyone want to adopt an older child? Because they also come with much joy and love (don’t expect them to love you at first) and laughter. At the end of a rough day, when I’m asking myself the question, what have I done, one of my boys will come up to me and say, “I’m so glad you’re my mom.” There’s my answer.

Adopting an older child isn’t for the faint of heart. It takes tough skin, a willing heart, a for better or worse attitude, a good sense of humor (or warped sense of humor) and commitment to your child/children. Nothing less. If you decide to adopt an older child expect hard times and storms. However, look for the rainbow after the storm. You’ll find it!

Have you adopted an older child? We’d love to hear from you and love you to share your experience with us.

Parents who want to adopt have to make choices. Infant or older child, domestic or international, private or foster care are among many decisions they have to make and each is a very personal decision. My husband and I decided to adopt domestically through the foster care system. Since then, I’ve heard lots of reasons couples say they can’t adopt through foster care. Here’s some of those reasons and why they just aren’t always true.

1. It’s too expensive: Not so. Most adoptions from foster care cost an average of $1500-$2500, and most states reimburse parents up to $1500 toward their cost of the attorney fees. Some adoption attorneys only charge what they know your state will reimburse you. That way, it is actually costing you nothing to adopt. On top of that, most states will provide financial support up until your child turns 18, and your child will be eligible for Medicaid even if you already have an insurance plan (you’ll use one as a secondary insurance) and most states will cover college expenses for students who have been adopted through foster care if they attend a state college/university.
2. Children from foster care come with all sorts of problems and baggage. Well, sometimes they do. That’s something you need to be aware of before adopting. However, whether you adopt internationally or domestically, you need to know that your child is going to have issues that you will have to deal with. Possible attachment issues, anger issues, etc. These issues are the result of abuse, neglect and/or abandonment. Unless you are planning on adopting an newborn, you are most likely going to have to deal with some of these issues regardless of the route you take to adopt.
3. I’d rather adopt internationally so the parents can’t try to take back my child: Once a parent of a child in foster care has had their parental rights terminated, they can no longer “come back for” their child. They have no legal rights to the child at all. It’s completely up to you as their adopted parent whether you want to allow the birth parents to know where your child is or to communicate with your child.
4. It takes too long to adopt through foster care. Really, that depends on what your goal is. My husband and I decided that we wanted a boy (we already had all boys at home at the time so it just made it easier) between ages of 8-10 and that race didn’t matter. We actually ended up with a precious little boy who was just 2 weeks short of his 5th birthday and was a quarter Mexican American. It took us exactly 9 months from beginning the process until we brought him home. That is exactly how long I carried my biological children. With our second son we said we’d like to adopt a boy, around 5-6 years old and race didn’t matter. It took us 6 months to bring home our beautiful Mexican American little boy who had just turned 5. So, I guess time is a matter of opinion.
5. I don’t want people to judge my children because they are from the foster care system. If you don’t’ judge them, then it’s less likely that others will. Just because a child has been in the foster system does not make them a juvenile delinquent. It doesn’t take long for people to realize that all my kids, both biological and adoptive, are great kids.

There’s on average 400, 00 children in the US in foster care needing forever homes. That number alone is a good reason to look toward the foster care system if you are looking at adopting. Regardless of what route you go to adopt, you’ll find yourself on an amazing and powerful journey.

Have you adopted through the foster care system? We’d love to hear about your journey.

Have you heard of the “honeymoon period” that often comes along with adopting an older child? It’s the time when the child is first placed in the new home and things can seem “good” and peaceful. For each family, the honeymoon period is different and can last for different lengths of time.

For my family, with both of our adopted children (they were adopted at the age of 5) the “honeymoon” lasted about two weeks. With our first adopted child I was actually relived when it was over. He was so determined to make us want to keep him. He would try to do everything for me. I would find him on his hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor or trying to scrub windows for me. He would try to take everyone’s dinner dishes to the sink as soon as they were done eating. I knew the moment the honeymoon period was over.

What can you expect when the honeymoon period comes to an end? It’s different for each family. Often times, children will regress several years soon after they are brought into a new home. They might not have ever had a mommy figure in their lives. They have probably never been “babied” before. Both my boys did this in their own ways. One of mine took to crawling on the floor and babbling like a baby while reaching his hands out to me to pick him up. To give him the “babying” that he had missed, I actually spoon fed him for a couple of weeks, carried him around (as much as my back would allow me) and would rock him to sleep while singing to him. I allowed him to be that baby as long as he needed to. He needed to see that I could and would be his mommy.

They will also fully expect you to decide to send them away and will test you repeatedly to prove this point. We would continuously reassure our boys that we were going to be their parents forever no matter what they did and that they never had to be in another home. It never dawned on me that they didn’t have a clue what forever really was until one day one of my boys asked me what forever meant.

So, how can you make this transition time easier? For starters, don’t overwhelm your child. They need to bond with you and their new family. For us (and I would highly recommend it for others) it meant no outside visitors, including extended family, for several weeks. Children, no matter the age, need to get use to their new home. We took ours to church, to the store, maybe an occasional restaurant, but other than that, we just stayed at home getting to know each other and starting the bonding process.

Above all, providing your child with unconditional love and acceptance will help you both survive the honeymoon transition. Entering into the adoption with complete commitment will also ensure that you as the parent will outlast the honeymoon period and live to see another day.

Have you adopted and gone through the “honeymoon period”? We’d love for you to share your experience with us.

You’re thinking about adopting but not sure if you are really ready.  First, I’d advise you to ask yourself why you want to adopt. There are many different reasons that parents decide they want to adopt and couples looking at adopting need to really take a good look at why THEY want to adopt.  As an adoptive parent of 2 children I’ve heard many parents tell me that they would like to adopt as well.  Here are some reasons they give.

1. You feel obligated to take care of orphans. Many cultures emphasize the importance of taking care of disenfranchised people.  The Bible (James 1:27) says we need to take care of orphans. However, it doesn’t say that we must adopt.  Adoption isn’t for everyone and there are so many different ways to help children in need.  Besides adopting, my sister (who has three adopted children) and I started a business that contributes a portion of our proceeds to orphan care charities.  There are other businesses that do the same thing.  CASA (court appointed advocates) are always looking for people who want to help and advocate for children.  My point is — that shouldn’t be the only reason you want to adopt.
2. You think adopting will make a struggling marriage stronger. Nope, it won’t.  It will just put more strain on your already strained marriage.  Please don’t adopt for that reason.
3. To save a child. Believe it or not, not all children want to be saved regardless of what they have been through and not all are grateful.  It’s all they knew and you’re taking them away from it.  This of course applies to adopting older children and not infants.
4. We have lots of money and can give lots of things to a child.  That alone isn’t a reason to adopt. Children don’t want your money.
5. I can love any child placed in my home. I’m betting I can find a few that would make you change your mind.  Children have been put up for adoption for a reason.  They have been through trauma (some for years) and aren’t always ready to except your love.
6. Along the same line: Children just need love. I wish it were that easy.  However, that’s not all they need. It’s so much more complicated than that. 

I’ve heard all the above reasons for parents wanting to adopt and these reasons alone aren’t good enough.  I’m not in any way trying to talk anyone out of adopting or saying that children shouldn’t be saved.  I have two adopted children that I love fiercely.  However, the rate for disrupted adoptions is climbing and I believe it’s because couples are not educated properly when it comes to adoption and they are adopting for the wrong reasons.

So, why then would anyone want to adopt?  Because you want to be a parent.  You want to parent unconditionally.  Either a parent for the first time or a parent again.  You have to want to parent!   Adoption is like marriage.  It’s for better or worse.  If you decide adoption is the right thing for you, then I applaud you and the journey your family will find yourself on.  And what a journey it will be!  My husband and I wouldn’t change our journey for the world.  Start that journey for the right reasons and educate yourself about what that journey is going to look like and you’ll also be in for the journey of your life.

Are you and your family on the adoption journey?  We’d love to hear from you and have you share your thoughts with us.

Do you need to find a way to get your kids to “eat” their vegetables?  Maybe when you serve your child spinach he or she looks up at you with adorning eyes and says, “Oh thank you Mom.  May I have seconds?”  Not your kid?  Not mine either.

So, I’d like to introduce you to the sneaky smoothie.  That’s not an actual recipe, but what I call a smoothie that is disguising healthy greens.  I’m sure you’ve heard of green smoothies.  Same thing, different name.  When it comes to getting your children to consume their veggies, who cares if it’s done through a straw.

One trick you can try is to ask your kids if they like the smoothie you just made them.  When they say yes, and I’m sure they will, ask them if they noticed anything different than their usual smoothies.  Tell them how proud you are that they tried something healthy and liked it.  Now that’s sneaky!  Or, you cannot tell them and keep it your little secret.

Adding fruit to the sneaky smoothie is a great help as it sweetens and disguises the veggie taste.  You can turn any fruit smoothie into a green smoothie simply by adding veggies.  Spinach is a popular green to add to smoothies.  Carrots are wonderful as well.  Start teaching your young ones at an early age that “green is good.”

Click here for some of our favorite sneaky smoothies that my kids will actually “eat.”  They’re easy to make and don’t take many ingredients.  Always a good thing in my book.

Do you have a favorite smoothie recipe or helpful hint for getting kids to eat their veggies?  If so then we’d love to hear from you!

Do you feel like you spend a “fortune” on groceries and yet you never have anything at home to fix for dinner?

With a little planning you can know ahead of time what your family will be having each night for dinner that week.  You’ll also find yourself spending less money on groceries each week.  Pretty good deal, huh?

There are so many advantageous to meal planning. Here’s a few of them:

1. Saves you time:When you take the time to meal plan, whether on your own or through a meal planning service, you’ll actually be saving time.  You don’t have to do the 5:00 stare into the pantry trying to figure out what you are going to fix or make extra trips to the grocery store during the week to pick up ingredients.  Sound familiar?
2. Save money: Outside of mortgage/rent payments, grocery bills are the number one expense families have.  When you have a menu plan you eliminate the “impulse” buying, you don’t buy things you already have in your pantry and you don’t waste money eating out as much.
3. Keeps Your Family Healthier: Less junk food, less eating out and planning healthy meals means your family will be healthier.  Who doesn’t want that?
4. Waste Not Want Not: How many times have you cleaned out your fridge and found that the things growing in there could qualify as your kid’s school science project?   When we go to the store without a shopping list we’re more likely to purchase things we already have in our pantry or fridge.  Menu planning lets you check off the items on your list that you already have before you hit the store.
5. Stress Buster: It’s amazing how much stress can be eliminated from our evenings just by menu planning.  No more rushing home from work and wondering what you’re fixing for dinner.  Or, no more long days at home with the kids and remembering at the end of the day that you don’t have a clue what you’re fixing. Evenings become calmer, dinner time is more pleasant and Mom is a happier camper.  What’s not to love about that?

What about you?  Do you like to plan your families meals for the week (or longer) or do you like to just “wing it”?  We’d love to hear your ideas.

Got picky kids when it comes to food, at least nutritious food? Do your kids try to crawl under the table when they see broccoli on the table?  Do they try to slip the dog their squash only to find the dog won’t eat it either? You’re not alone. It seems to be a fairly common phenomenon among households with kids. And, not just young children either. Older kids can be picky eaters as well.

I have been blessed with having both teenagers and younger kids at the same time. Both sets with different dietary needs and different likes and dislikes when it comes to food. My teenage boys are athletic, physical, growing boys. Even though they both look full grown (at 6 feet tall) they are still growing and their bodies, inside and outside, need the right foods to help them with this.

My two younger children have different needs both physically and emotionally when it comes to food. They are both adopted and we’ve had to learn the challenge of dealing with children who have had to go hungry in their past. Hunger can do many things to you emotionally.  We’ve had to learn to help our children understand they won’t ever go hungry again.

All of my kids are different eaters with different taste. My 16-year-old son has a sweet tooth that never seems to end.  I think sweet teeth would be more like it. It’s a constant struggle to get him to lay off the sweets.  My 19 year old could really care less about the sweets. My 9 and 10-year-old are very food focused and just want to eat.

In the process of raising 6 kids (2 of mine are already grown so they and their taste buds are on their wn) I’ve come up with some things that have helped my family over the years.

1. Respect their appetites – If they really aren’t hungry, don’t try to force them to eat. Don’t bribe them to clean their plates. And please don’t use the starving children speech. Likewise, if your child has a tendency toward overeating, help him or her to understand what it means to be full.  We quite often ask one of our younger boys, “is your tummy comfortable?” That’s when you need to stop.  Don’t make them feel guilty or bad for how little or much they eat.
2. Encourage but don’t force – Encourage kids to try new foods but don’t force it on them. They’ll just hate that zucchini even more.
3. Let them help with the meal planning – That’s easy for me since I own a menu planning service.  After the menus are out for that week I will let the whole family decide what we are eating for the week. It makes a huge difference when they have had a say so on what to eat.  They don’t always agree, but we manage.
4. Let them help with the cooking – I hear moms say that they would love to let their kids help in the kitchen but they don’t want to deal with the extra mess. It’s a great bonding time, a time to teach kids responsibility (you helped make the mess, you help clean) and if they cook it they are much more likely to eat it. Trust me, it works.
5. Have fun with meals – My family LOVES breakfast for dinner.  Pancakes, waffles, omelets, you name it.  Try having special dipping sauces (Ranch dressing works wonders) for veggies at meal times and snack times.  For some reason kids love to dip their food in things.
6. Give them their own cookbook – There are a lot of cookbooks out there that are geared to kids of all ages. My younger boys love to look at the pictures and plan on the things they are going to make. My youngest one now wants his own apron, chef hat and cooking show.  Hmmm….
7. Become friends with the smoothie – Do you know how much you can hide in a simple smoothie?  Lots. And, your little picky eaters will never know the difference.  You can pack a lot of nutrition in a smoothie. So what if it’s consumed through a straw?
8. Set the example – You can’t get your little mini me’s to eat nutritiously when they see you eating McDonalds and Dunking Donuts. Show them how to enjoy clean whole foods.
9. Pizza, Fries, Sodas, Oh My! – Teenagers are notorious for wanting to live off junk.  Mine are no exception. They want their bodies to look good but they want to eat junk. As a parent of teens, it can be a real challenge once they start going off on their own more and more. You aren’t always there to control what they are eating. Plan on having as many sit down meals as possible (sitting down at your own table and not McDonalds) during the week. Your family needs the bonding time as well as the proper nutrition they receive from the home cooked meals.
10. Just one bite rule – Let your kids know that if they will just take one bite, they don’t have to take another if they don’t like it. Chances are they will decide they do like it and if they don’t now, next week they might. My kids’ taste buds seem to change from week to week.

What are some creative ways you’ve gotten a picky eater to eat?  We’d love you to share your suggestions.

When you think of happy families sitting around the table eating dinner do you conjure up thoughts of “Leave it to Beaver” or some other old sitcom? The mother walking around in her apron, high heels and pearls with a perfectly set table, perfect dinner and perfect family all sitting at the table. Well, let’s get real please. I know that’s sure not me.

I’m usually doing good to get all four of my boys and my husband to the table in the evening.  Not that they don’t want to eat, just our busy schedules can get in the way. However, we do try to make it a priority to eat dinner together as a family as many nights during the week as possible.  Some nights are harder than others. Some nights we’re not all at home. Still, we make it a priority as much as we can.

It really is amazing what a difference a positive mealtime can make in children and families. Studies show that children who dine with the family:

• Eat more fruits and vegetables
• Are happier
• Are better adjusted
• Are more socially adept
• Get better grades
• Are less likely to smoke, abuse drugs or alcohol
• Are less likely to suffer from eating disorders, obesity or depression

Kids of all ages benefit from family mealtime together. Teens and tweens need the family table time. They need the positive atmosphere and conversation that should take place at the table.  They need to be reminded that they are valued and loved. Our two youngest children were adopted from the Texas foster care system and its amazing how much healing can be done around the kitchen table eating a meal together and bonding. Families who eat together share values together.

Need some conversation starters for dinnertime? Here are a few fun ones:

• If you couldn’t watch TV or go online for a month, how would you spend that time?
• If you could have any superpower, which would you choose? (This one is a regular topic at our table.)
• How can you tell someone you love them without using words?
• If you could be a famous person for a week, who would you be and why?
• If you could trade places with your parents for a day, how would you do things differently?

Does your family have any favorite topics or dinner time games they like to play?  We’d love to hear about them.

Ok, I will admit that cooking with my kids can be a lot harder at times (most of the time) than cooking by myself. I like to cook.  I find cooking therapeutic. Cooking with kids is not always therapeutic. Really! Sometimes the thought of managing my kids and their inevitable mess is almost enough for me to ban them from the kitchen. But, I remind myself of all the reasons these little chefs should be allowed to help. What are some of the reasons we should encourage our kids to discover the world of cooking?

• Kids are more likely to eat what they make. This is true. It doesn’t mean that they will devour the spinach or asparagus that they have helped to make. However, they are much more likely to at least try it. And who knows, maybe they will devour the spinach.
• Learning to cook helps kids learn about nutrition. As I’m preparing food with my kids, we talk about the foods we are cooking and how they will benefit our bodies.
• Kids need to be able to contribute to the family and feel like they play an important part. Cooking and creating in the kitchen can give them that sense of contributing to the family.
• Bonding.  Very important.Cooking together is a wonderful bonding experience.  Especially with my two youngest boys who we adopted at the age of 4 and 5, this has proved to be a great way to bond. Just remember, it’s going to take longer to prepare something and don’t worry about every little spill.
• Boosting self-esteem. Talk about a great way to boost a child’s self-esteem and confidence. Let them get creative in the kitchen and then praise them for it
• Remember, cooking with kids doesn’t mean you have to cook a four course meal or a fancy dessert with them. Keep it simple. The more they can do by themselves the better.

What tips and idea do you have for cooking with your kids? We’d love to hear your experiences.