Most kids do not know what is meant by the term “digital footprint”.  In fact, if you are a parent that isn’t sure of what a digital footprint is or why you need to be concerned about it, you are not alone.  The term digital footprint refers to the trail that you leave behind in a digital environment.  This includes the activities on the internet, mobile devices, texting, Facebook, twitter, YouTube, and more.  Essentially, it is the trail that you leave in cyberspace.  Unlike the footprints that you leave in the sand on the beach that wash away, a digital footprint is permanent.  It cannot be washed away.  Yes, you can remove photos and posts that are put up on Facebook or the history of your online activities from your computer, but that information is still out there in cyberspace lurking to surface when you least expect it.

So what can parents do in order to ensure that their child is leaving a digital footprint that will not handicap them in the future?

Six Simple Steps

1.  Talk with your child and help him understand the permanence of his behavior and activities online and on mobile devices.

2.  Remind your child not to share personal information online or via text.  Although kids have heard this before, they still share more information with others than they should.  This is particularly true on Facebook.  In fact, in every study that I have done regarding the “friending” practices of minors on Facebook, over 95% of kids under the age of 18 accept friend requests from people they do not know.  These people then have access to all kinds of information that your child has shared with his “friends”.

3.  Search for your child’s name on Google on a regular basis and see what information is publically available.  This is a good practice for you to do on yourself as well.

4.  Teach your child that they are building a digital resume by what they share on line and by what is shared about them by their friends.  It is a very common practice for potential employers and colleges to Google or Facebook a prospective employee or college applicant (especially when a potential scholarship is involved).

5.  Encourage your child to control their digital footprint by reviewing photos and comments that they are tagged in and untagging themselves as necessary.

6.  Observe your child’s online and social media activity.  Complement his good choices publically.  Help him correct his poor choices privately.  Give lots of loving guidance along the way and understand that we all make mistakes.  It’s how we learn.

First and lasting impressions are now formed online.  Privacy may be a thing of the past, but empowering your child to use good judgment online will enable him to step into the future with his best foot forward.

I’m sure that you are familiar with the old saying “mom is the heart of the home”.  But let’s take that one step further and bring it into our health conscience world with the new saying of “home is the heart of health”.  What do I mean by that?  Well, if you look at the health movement today, you will observe that most tools or techniques are designed to improve health for individuals, as a result, their success is limited and often fail.  Take for example, your last attempt at improving your eating habits (read diet).  If you were the only one in your household trying to improve in this area and one of your family members brought home a fresh, warm pizza, you probably abandoned your commitment and enjoyed the pizza.

When we are looking at improving health, we need to look at ways in which we can use effective tools and techniques in the context of the household, not individually, for the greatest success.  How do you do this?  Simple…Let’s walk through a system that identifies strong and weak areas of health in your household. Once you determine what your weak link is, it will be much easier to find solutions that fit your family for improvement in that area.

In this system, there are five areas of health that you will assign a numerical value for each member of your family (household).  This process is called the Family Health 360 Walk Through because it allows you to look full circle at your family’s health.  Here are the areas:

Nutrition Physical Activity Rest & Recharge  (sleep, stress management, meditation, etc.) Connect & Care  (social, emotional, mental & spiritual health) Protect & Prevent  (preventive measures ie: flossing, mammograms, eliminating environmental toxins and risks, etc.)

Now take out a piece of paper and draw out a grid like the one you see below.  At the top of each column, write the name of a family member (there are five columns in this example, but you may have more or fewer than five people in your family).  In the empty boxes next to the area of health and under each family member’s name, rate them on a scale of 1 – 5 for that area.

1= not good 5= good

Once you have rated all members of your family, you will most likely see a “family trend” of health.  Next, add the numbers in each health area horizontally for a grand total in each area.  Then, divide each grand total by the number of members of your family (averaging).  This gives you your Family Health Score in each area. The area of health with the smallest Family Health Score is your weak link.

With this knowledge, you are now more aware of your family’s strengths and weaknesses. This knowledge allows you to make better decisions in improving health in the context of your household.

What did you learn by using this system?  What surprised you?

What is Your Family’s Health Score?

Have you ever wished that you were more in tune with your children?  Had more insight into their needs and not just their wants?  There are many times that I wished that I had a crystal ball that would tell me what my kids were thinking.  Kids are often difficult to figure out.  You ask them a question and you may feel lucky to get more than a shrug, yet they could spend hours on Facebook or their phone if you let them.

Well – guess what…. That crystal ball has magically appeared.  It’s called Facebook.  In fact, I call it the “Power Tool of Parenting”.  What kind of tools does a carpenter use to build a house?  In the “olden days” his primary tools were a handsaw, a screwdriver, and a hammer.  In our lifetime, the carpenter has upgraded to the more efficient tools of a power saw, an electric screw gun, and a pneumatic nailer.  As we build and help our children develop, we also need to upgrade our parenting tools to more efficient power tools as well.

Facebook is one of the most powerful tools available to parents in this decade.  I have taken a lot of heat for this statement, but after years of research and experience on Facebook, I deeply believe and stand behind this claim.  Here are some powerful ways that Facebook can help you as a parent:

1. Be More Aware By observing the status updates that your child makes on his Facebook wall, you will have insights into thoughts and feelings that he may not know how to share otherwise.  You will also be able to get a feel for his friends and how they interact with each other.  This allows you as a parent to be aware of how to better “coach” your child.
2. Communicate Better Even with my five children that are still living at home as well as those that are not, Facebook provides us another vehicle for communication….. another brick in the building of a strong relationship.
3. Teach Life SkillsFacebook is our “children’s playground” where they are able to practice and develop real life skills that they will use in their adult world.
   • Leadership Skills Facebook allow teens to create groups, publicize events and generate support for causes.
   • Professional Skills Through using Facebook, our kids learn how to collaborate remotely.  This is a vital professional skill for them in the future.
   • Learning Skills Critical thinking and adapting to change are skills that our kids are practicing as evaluate what they post on facebook and how they comment.
   • Identiy Skills This is an important area where parents need to coach their child on how they present themselves to the world.
   • Relationship Skills This last area is more obvious.  Facebook is a great venue for practicing relationship skills.
4. Provide Comfort and Support Facebook is a wonderful tool for supporting our children and publicly acknowledging their successes and providing comfort with their challenges.

Whether or not you like Facebook doesn’t really matter.  It is not going away.  What does matter is that it is changing the world and society in unexpected ways.  As parents, we have the opportunity to direct that change in a positive way in the lives of our children.  Are you going to use Facebook as a powerful tool in your parenting tool belt?  The choice is yours.

1. “Friend” your kids and family members on Facebook If your child won’t friend you, don’t be discouraged.   The reason why kids do not want to friend their parents is not what you think.  It is actually because they are afraid that you will embarrass them.  Once you have proven that you know how to behave on Facebook with your own network of friends and have made an effort to learn the culture, your child will have more confidence in you as an online friend.  If they are still hesitant, then simply have at least one trusted parent or guardian friend your child. 

2. Teach your family about privacy settings  Our kids do not know as much as we think they do in this area.  Privacy settings are forever changing and can be confusing.  Sit down with your child and review their settings on a regular basis.  I suggest that privacy settings be checked once a month.  In my house we do it every Sunday.  I recommend that privacy be set to “friends only”.  “Everyone” and “friends of friends” settings are still too public.

3. Teach your kids to post thoughtfully Our kids do not naturally think about the ramifications of what they post or photos that they are tagged in.  This is a good opportunity to help them develop that skill.  Talk to them about their digital footprint and that it is permanent.  Even though your child can take down a photo or post, they do not know who else has shared it or where it will end up.

4. Use Facebook so that you understand it The best way to understand how something works is to use it.  Set aside 10 minutes a day to get on Facebook and explore.  Ask your child to explain features that you don’t understand.  This reversed teacher/learner role will go a long way in building an open communication about Facebook and give you the opportunity to guide and direct your child along the way.  Your child may always have more knowledge about social media, but you will always have more wisdom and real life experience.  Wisdom trumps knowledge.  This is the perfect opportunity for both child and parent to benefit from each other.

5. Turn “questionable actions” by others on Facebook into teachable moments for your family Seize the opportunity to ask your child “What do you think?” when other behave in unfavorable ways online.  You may be surprised by their answers.  They will often recognize when others behave inappropriately.  Talking through these real life examples will help your child think through the appropriate behavior should they be faced with a similar situation.

By following these simple steps, you can teach your child to function safely on Facebook and on other online platforms.  Just like a hammer, Facebook is a tool that can be used to build relationships or to destroy friendships.  Our children need our guidance in order to use this tool productively.

Have you ever had one of those epiphanies when you suddenly realized that you were guilty of being a naïve parent?  I remember the day that happened for me as though it were yesterday.  It was Thanksgiving morning 2008.  I was standing in my kitchen, peeling potatoes and chatting with my brother, BJ, who had come into town to spend the holiday with my family. 

BJ is the “favorite uncle”.  Perhaps this is because of the fact that he goes out of his way to interact and engage with my kids, or perhaps because it is simply because they know that he cares.

Months previous to this epiphany, BJ had encouraged me to become engaged in a new means of communication that was just emerging from the college world called Facebook.  I had every excuse in the world not to do this.  My excuses ranged from… I was too busy, I didn’t have any interest, I thought that social media was a waste of time coupled with the fact that I wasn’t going to allow my kids to “talk to strangers” online anyway.  Sound familiar?

The conversation that BJ and I were having that Thanksgiving morning centered around my 17 year old daughter, Amber who was a senior in high school.  I prided myself on being actively involved in my children’s lives.  I was aware of their needs, activities and who their friends were.

“So I see that Amber has a new boyfriend” BJ stated.

A new boyfriend… I thought.  I didn’t even know she had an old boyfriend!

“How do you know that?” I asked.

“I saw it on Facebook” was BJ’s reply.

It was like a bucket of ice could water had just been thrown in my face.  Boy, did I suddenly feel out of touch!  I didn’t even know Amber had an account (or a boyfriend).  I then realized that my narrow-minded view and weak excuses were limiting my ability to parent effectively.  It was due to my own ignorance that I was unaware of what was going on in my daughter’s life.  I decided to overcome my barriers and jump into the online world of Facebook in an effort to better guide and protect my children.

I quickly learned that although some teenagers are still in the process of developing the ability to communicate their feelings verbally, they have no problem expressing their feelings in writing, even if it is on a virtual wall.  This understanding alone is reason enough for us as parents to step out of our comfort zones and traditional parenting styles to engage with our kids in their online world as well as in their real world.  Yes, some kids may say that Facebook is their world and they don’t want us as parents intruding, but the reality is that our children do want us there.  They want and need us to be at the crossroads of their lives, even when those crossroads are in the online world.  By doing so, our children know that we will be there for them no matter where “there” is.  To them, it simply means we care.