Back in our younger days, before texting and children and time that just won’t stand still, my husband often left little notes for me tucked into unusual places. He has always traveled frequently for work, and the tiny little love notes always served as a reminder that travel is temporary, but love is forever.

Technology and kids and things that always need doing have changed us. For the better, I would say.

Where airport reunions used to consist of me holding his favorite coffee beverage, they now consist of kids jumping up and down holding handmade signs. I step back and let them have it. Because I can wait.

Because I understand the power of two.

Stolen hugs

These days we are four, no more and no less. And we wouldn’t want it any other way.

Our home is full of non-stop chatter. Stories need to be told right this minute. Games need to be played. Books need to be read.

And yet, we find our moments to steal a hug or two. Because staying connected is important, and hugs make the world a better place.

Take back the night

People say that family dinner is essential. Family dinner makes for happy families that maintain close relationships. We say family breakfast has the same effect. Over syrup-soaked waffles, bacon cooked to perfection, and colorful fruit salads, we have our extended family meals.

But the night? That’s for two. We put the kids to bed, pour a glass of red, and cook a favorite meal. Together. In the quiet house we find our time to just be us.

Digital love notes

The notes have changed form over the years, but I always manage to find them at exactly the right moment.

A completed thought that hung in the air just a little too long comes through in a text just when I need it.

An exclamation of pride contained in email because he didn’t want to wake me gets the day off to the perfect start.

A card attached to the flowers, ordered from afar, makes the distance feel just a little bit smaller.

What do you do to keep your marriage strong when the demands of parenting and work feel overwhelming?

I sigh in frustration with each instance of bullying that makes the news. Whether or not the end result includes a loss, if it’s newsworthy, it’s tragic in one way or another.

I can’t help but worry that not enough is being done. There are programs in schools. Books for all ages line the shelves of the bookstores that managed to survive the digital age. And in some lucky towns, law enforcement works closely with schools and parents to decrease bullying.

And yet, kids don’t feel safe. With cyberbullying on the rise among young SmartPhone users, there truly is no safe place to turn. It used to be that you could go home to get away from the mean girls. Today, the mean girls are just one little click away.

Teach kindness

If we want to raise stand up kids, the kind of kids who help others, refuse to participate in bullying, and stand up for their beliefs, we have to start by teaching kindness.

Kindness stretches far beyond sharing in the sandbox and holding a door open for the next person in line. Kindness is caring for the greater good, extending a hand to someone in need, and cheering for a friend when she reaches a goal.

Kindness counts.

Teach empathy

If we want to raise stand up kids, we have to teach empathy. We have to show them what it means to understand what another is going through.

We have to cut through the initial emotions and help them see what lies beneath. We have to teach them to really care.

Empathy counts.

Teach acceptance

If we want to raise stand up kids, we have to teach acceptance. Not tolerance – not, there’s nothing I can do so I’ll just tolerate you. No, we have to teach our children to embrace differences.

Different is good. Different is interesting. Different makes the world a better place.

Acceptance counts.

Strength in one

It’s hard to be a kid. It’s easy to get caught up in the masses, to simply go along for the ride. It’s hard to be the one who stands tall and says no.

But if we truly want to raise stand up kids, we have to teach them the strength in one. It only takes one kid to stand up for another. It only takes one to say, no, this isn’t right. At the end of the day, it only takes one.

How do you talk to your kids about bullying?

I’m fun (most of the time). I’m organized (sometimes to a fault). And I’m mellow (which sometimes leads to lazy mornings that never end).
But I am not good at change.

My babies have grown by leaps and bounds and I’ve made it my goal to enjoy every step of the way (even the sleepless nights and meltdowns galore). I’ve tried to stop time by way of photography. I’ve tried to slow time by way of under-scheduling.

And yet, they’ve grown.

Tears of sadness

My oldest is only in first grade, so perhaps I just haven’t been at it long enough, but I have yet to feel the desire to do a back-to-school dance. I see the videos that others find funny and my heart breaks just a little bit, because I miss mine.

I love when they learn and grow and make new friends. I love listening to their stories when they come home at the end of the school day. I love doing homework together and playing the afternoon away. I love every single second of it.

But I miss them when they’re gone.

I have my work. I have my goals. I have my me-time to rejuvenate. And still, I don’t feel very me without their little voices nearby.

Tears of joy

I must admit, I’m the one who cries during commercials for things like diapers or coffee (have you seen that one with the kid going off to college?). So it should comes as no surprise that I cry my way through most parenting milestones, big and small.

The joy I feel for my kids when they complete a difficult task or smile their way through their soccer games is immeasurable. The happiness that warms my heart each time they take on a new challenge with confidence knows no end.

I cry when preschool begins and when it comes to a close. I cry at Kindergarten holiday performances and successful Irish dance classes. I cry when they separate and I cry when they come back to my arms (ok, but maybe not in front of them).

I cry because happiness is all I ever wanted for them and, even on the hard days, they always manage to find it.

Tears of pride

I don’t know what the future holds for my two little loves. Only time will tell. To hear my daughter tell it, she has a bright future in fashion design. To hear my son, racecar driving is the only goal.

Dreams will change. Ideas will shift. Friends will come and go. But one thing will remain constant as I adjust to the constant transitions: Pride. I will always feel proud of these kind and thoughtful kids of mine.

No matter the trigger, no matter the transition at hand…some of those tears will always be simply tears of pride.

How do you cope with letting go?

Shy, a little bit anxious, and afraid to make waves, I was never self-confident as a child. I second-guessed almost every thought that crossed my mind and was paralyzed in the face of decisions, both big and small.

I was afraid to be wrong. I was petrified to make mistakes. I only wanted to please. It took me years to break out of my proverbial shell and realize that my voice mattered. That my decisions were my own to make. That I had something to offer.

Passing the torch

Quiet and thoughtful with chocolate colored eyes full of wonder, my daughter often reminds me of a younger version of me. Lost in thought more often than not, she has one million things to say in the cozy safety of our home, but watches from afar when immersed in a group.

Kind and gentle beyond compare, she would give away every toy if meant putting a smile on the face of a friend. She wants only to live in a world of kindness and compassion, where mean doesn’t exist and people run on love.

But she needs to find her voice.

Practice makes perfect

Teaching assertiveness skills is tricky business in the world of parenting. We teach them to listen. We teach them to follow directions. We teach them about respect.

And then when we throw them a curveball when we insist that they learn to stand up for themselves.

And so we practice. We talk about times when it’s hard to speak up and role-play ways to handle these difficult situations. We discuss goals, dreams, and what makes us happy, and then we sketch out a plan to make those dreams come true.

We always talk about the importance of asking for help.

Stand together

Some skills come easily. Some take a little bit longer. And some take a lifetime to achieve. There should be no rush in childhood. There should be no need to push beyond what kids are ready for at any given time.

And so we stand together.

Some days I hear her big voice loud and clear, others she wraps her arms around me and whispers for help. “It’s too hard this time, Mommy, I just can’t say it.” Help is exactly what I do.

I didn’t have a voice at her age because I didn’t know that I could have one. My daughter knows that her voice matters, even if she needs a little help talking over the crowd.

How do you help your kids build self-confidence?

The urge to protect a child, to hold them close and fend off any and all potential threats, is one of the most primal urges in parenting. It’s part of what makes us parents. We brought them into this world, one way or another, and we aim to keep them safe and loved.

I’ve felt that urge since the moment I held each of my children in my arms. Overwhelmed with emotion, exhausted, and tears streaming down my cheeks, I promised each of them that I would never let the world become too big for them. I would be with them every step of the way.

And although I thought that my daughter would inherently be the more sensitive one, she is like me in so very many ways, my son turned out to be just as sensitive, and then some.

Know your child

Quiet and introverted by nature, he’s not the rough and tumble jump into the center of the party kind of kid. At four, he is curious and talkative, but only when he’s in his comfort zone.

He believes that rules are meant to be followed but, like any other kid his age, he tests the limits at times. And he knows when he’s pushed it just a little too far. Tears well up in his enormous blue eyes before I can even utter a sound. Hugs and reminders are all he needs to make a better choice.

Don’t push

My sensitive boy takes the slow lane more often than not. When he’s ready, he’s ready. But rushing him along leads to tears, meltdowns, and sleep terrors in the dark of night.

And so we take it slow. We waited on preschool, making sure that he was ready to separate and learn. We didn’t push the toddler or preschool classes, letting him choose his own interests.

Let there be tears

If I’m being honest, I always thought it was it a myth that parents actually utter the phrase, “Boys don’t cry.” Until I heard it at the park. And in the grocery store. And during a preschool drop off one morning.

Boys cry, too.

Sometimes it’s hard to be little. Sometimes it frustrating when things don’t go your way. Some days are tiring and some days are long. And sometimes you just have to shed a few tears.

All feelings are welcome in this little family of ours. Even huge, gushing tears in the face of a tower that just keeps falling. Because sometimes a good cry is just what the doctor ordered.

How do you help your sensitive child cope with big feelings?