Your kids are bored and you need help around the house.   What now?

Pay them off.  Earning money is a good thing.  Paying your children for doing nothing is not a good thing, but many parents do it anyway.  If your children are looking for something to do during the summer, put them to work, and pay them for their work.  To encourage them, don’t pay for everything that they want!  If they need money, they will be willing to earn it.  Sit with your child and create a list of jobs that need to be done in your home and how much money they will earn for doing each job.  (Have your child do the writing; it’s good practice.)  Post the list in a place that is easily visible to all interested parties.  Tell your child that he must ask you before he tackles a job, accept only good quality work, and pay promptly.

Then, after the work is done, let your child spend some of the money.  We all know that learning to save is a wonderful thing, but it’s summer out there, and summers are for having fun.  Go on now, go out and play.

It’s summer and your kids are bored.  What should you do?

Hide.    I knew you’d like this one.  No, I don’t mean that you should run and hide when your children complain of being bored.  Children love scavenger hunts, egg hunts, treasure hunts, and hide-and-seek.  They just love to hunt.  So, be it outside or inside, hide things.  Be sure to count how many things you’ve hidden, so everyone knows when the hunt is over.  You could ask your child to write a sentence, or even a story.  Then, cut up the paper so there is one word on each piece of paper.   Hide the words, and ask your child to reconstruct the sentence or story by finding the words.  As he finds each word, ask him to read it to you.  Hint:  the longer the sentence, the longer the hunt.  Try to encourage detail!

In my house, the word “boredom” is banned, as is the feeling of being bored.  If you choose to follow my lead, let me warn you that several minutes after you ban the word “boredom,” they will likely come up with a synonym for it, just to heckle you.  If that’s the case, here’s one thing that you can do:

Relish reading.  As a teacher and a writer, I could hardly make suggestions for summer activities without including books!  The trick is always to make reading a reward.  It’s not a job, it’s a pleasure.  The summer is a perfect time to let your child explore books and topics that interest her.  In school, children are usually told what they must read.  In the summer, let them choose.  Go to the library or the bookstore (or the computer), and let your child find books that are intriguing to them.  You don’t have to be interested in the topic; all you need to do is be sure that the books they choose are age-appropriate.

Set aside fifteen minutes a day as “reading time,” and sit with your children as they read.  You can alternate reading sentences or pages with them, or if your children are older, you can do your own reading as they doing the same.  No interruptions, no talking.  When the fifteen minutes are done, ask your children to share what they learned.  Encourage just one sentence of sharing at first.  Interesting discussions can begin with one child telling his family about salamanders followed by another child describing Junie B. Jones’ latest adventures.

When your child declares that he is bored this summer, do what I did, and alert the residents of your home that “bored” (or any derivative thereof) is no longer a part of the English language.  Not only is the word banned in our home, but the feeling is not allowed, either.  What is allowed, however, is creative thinking about what activities to pursue.  Here is an age-old solution that still works wonders:

Seek water.  Water soothes the soul and calms the savage beast.  It’s also entertaining in a multitude of ways.  If you can find a pool or a beach, hallelujah.  If you are at home, try the old “running through the sprinkler” idea.  It might be old-fashioned, but it’s still fun.  So are water balloons, watering cans, and playing in the rain, if the opportunity presents itself.

Another thing you can do with water is make lemonade, juice, popsicles, and even mud pies.  (Be sure that the children know which ones are ingestible and which are not.)  Even if you fill a few containers with water and set them outside along with some plastic toys, children of any age will find a way to play.  Water play should always be closely monitored, but water is one of the simplest ways to keep children occupied.

Summer is the season for barbeques, beaches, and boredom.  Some of the most dreaded words a parent can hear are, “I’m bored.  There’s nothing to do.”  Despite having a toy closet packed with games and puzzles and a garage filled with bicycles and balls, children always seem to find a way to be bored.  Here’s an idea for you:

Make a plan.  When your children are looking for something to do, ask them, “If you could plan something, anything at all, what would you plan?” Decide whether they are going to plan something that could actually happen or if they are planning something imaginary.  Both can be fun.  Both involve writing, thinking, and sometimes even math – great skills to keep in practice during the summer.  Encourage them to plan each and every detail.  They could even illustrate the plan.  I know a mother who helped her children plan a picnic, complete with a guest list, invitations, menu, napkin designs, party favors, games, and a sign-up sheet!  The plan eventually became a neighborhood party, which was an added bonus.

If your child chooses to plan something different, like a trip, then lead him to the maps.  If he would like to plan a trip to outer space, fantastic!  (Try to avoid asking when he’s planning to go.)  No matter the idea, as long as it’s safe, encourage creativity, research, writing, and art.  Schedule a time for a presentation of the plan and be sure to keep the plan; you never know when it might turn into a school project.  Sometimes a child’s plan can even become a children’s book, if you are so inclined.

Your child wants to respect you.  As a dad, you have the opportunity to shape a life, and for some dads, that’s a scary thought.  Dads sell themselves short when they shy away from parenting.  All parents need practice to parent well.  Give yourself a chance to practice, and if you do it wrong, your child will let you know.  Children are amazingly forgiving, and if you are trying your hardest to parent well, they know that.  Here are two things you can do to earn your child’s respect:

• Show your child a man who is worthy of respect.  Your child watches everything you do.  Your child will learn to react to frustration the same way that you do; he will value optimism or cynicism the same way you do, and he will treat others the way you do.  You don’t need to be a super-hero to earn the respect of a child, but you do have to be genuine and kind.  Teach your child about teamwork and respect.  If you’re not sure what to say about a given topic, find a book and read it together.  Not only are you a dad, but you are a teacher, too.

• If you make a mistake, admit it.  Don’t be too proud to admit that you overreacted or that you wish you had handled a situation differently.  All parents make mistakes, and it doesn’t discredit you at all if you admit it.  Explain briefly to your child the mistake you made in your parenting, and then explain how the situation will be corrected.  Say, “Everyone makes mistakes, and I made one.  I’m sorry.  I have learned from it, and I’ll do my very best to not make that mistake again.”  Your child isn’t keeping a tally of your mistakes.  If anything, she is keeping track of the times you were there for her, to give her a hug, a pep talk, or a tissue to dry her tears.

Now, go get ‘em, Dad.  Happy Fathers Day.

Haven’t you always wanted to be a “cool dad?”  Regardless of whether you think so, you have it in you.  You can do this.  To be a “cool dad,” step away from the stereotypical dad role, and differentiate yourself from the other role models in your child’s life.  That’s no small task, but remember that you have an advantage:  your child has one dad, and that’s you.  Put that advantage to work for you.

• Carve out a niche.  Dads usually don’t get a chance to spend as much time with their kids as moms do.  So, their time is precious.  What you can do to become a great dad is to do something a bit differently than everyone else.  One of the best ways to do this is to create a tradition.  Don’t spend much money, don’t stuff your child full of junk food, but think of a way that you can give meaning to the precious time that you have with your child.  You have something to offer that is different from what anyone else has to offer.  Are you a musician, a mechanic, an artist, a cook, a cyclist?  Whatever you are, whatever you enjoy, share it with your child.  You have the opportunity to be special to your child, so by all means, step up and give it a try.

• Be something more than just “the bank.”Dads are often portrayed as the ones who hand out the money and then slip into oblivion.  As a dad, you will be asked for money.  It starts with, “Can I have a quarter, Dad?” and will continue for many years after that.  If you can give, please feel free.  But simply being the money distributor does nothing to teach your child.   If your child asks for money, ask a few questions.  Don’t say, “no,” but don’t say, “yes” right away, either.  Inquire as to the nature of the intended use for the money.  Take a moment to talk over the consequences of choices being made.  Please, whatever you do, don’t hand out money just to stop the “Please Dad, please Dad, can I, Dad, oh c’mon dad”.  You are more than the bank; you are responsible for helping to teach your child the value of money.  At home, talk about how money can be earned by doing particular chores.  Pay promptly when the chores are completed satisfactorily (be sure to check), and whatever you do, don’t “round down” when it’s time to pay.

A cool dad is one who clearly cares about his child.  If you make your child feel special, important, worthy, and loved, you are a cool dad.  Congratulations on your success.

Sometimes grown-ups forget things, and not just where they left their cell phones or which remote works which machine.  Grown-ups forget what it’s like to be a kid, and though we don’t like to admit it, it happens.  As a dad, the relationship you form with your child when he or she is young will be the relationship you have when he or she is grown.  To form a strong bond with your child now, take the time to be a kid again.

• Play.  You work a lot, so when you are with your kids, play.  Stay vigilant, be safe, choose age appropriate activities, but gosh darn it, play.  It is the best way to bond with children, because it equalizes you, at least for the time that you are playing.  Children “let their guard down” a little when they play, and you may learn how your child is feeling about things as you play.  Dads tend to be pretty good listeners, so as you play, if you notice your child beginning to open up, just listen.  You don’t have to give advice.  In fact, it’s probably better if you don’t.  Every now and then, say, “Do you feel like you need any help with that situation?” and take it from there.  Playing opens the doors to having fun, but it also shows your child that you are willing to be there for him.

• Turn off the box.  No matter what the box is, turn it off for a while.  If it’s your cell phone, your iPad, your Blackberry, your laptop, your TV, your gaming system, or anything else technological, turn it off.  Spend some time with your child doing something that you’ve never tried before.  If you get the old eye roll, ignore it.  Some children never want to try new things, so it’s up to you to encourage them.  Children of all ages love to build things, and be honest, so do you.  Get some blocks, some Legos, or even just some rocks and sticks.  Or, for an older child, find something to build together that suits his or her age and ability.  Build something with your child and show her that the world is more than just high-tech.  Slow the world down sometimes and show your child another way to live.  Focus on your child and nothing else. You might even find that you enjoy it.

Two universal truths:  (1) Children are needy.  (2) Parents get tired.

The most confident, satisfied parents seem to have found the way to deal with the two universal truths revealed above.  When parents work as a team, anticipating the needs of the other, they offer their children consistency and they form a closer bond with each other.  It’s a win-win situation, but how do you get to that place?  How do you, as a dad, establish yourself as a partner in parenting?

• Stay informed.  Though mom may have it all under control, you need to be “in the loop.”  Find out what disciplinary actions have been taken while you were away.  What’s the back story?  It is imperative that you and mom work together to raise your child.  You need to know what has happened in the day, good and bad, so that any transfer of responsibility is seamless.  Children know when we are uninformed and they use it to their advantage.  You can count on that.  So, if you are not told what has happened, please ask.  Your competence depends on it.

• Consistency is key.  Your words mean more than you will ever know.  You may not have had quite as much experience with children as mom has, but your words of comfort, support, love, and pride will stay with your child forever.  Talk to your parenting partner and decide ahead of time what “the answer” will be when either or both of you are confronted with a question.  Choose your words carefully, for they carry with them the self-esteem that your child will draw upon as he or she grows.  Don’t underestimate the power of your words.  What you say does matter.

Tag-team parenting means that you know what’s happening in the family and you are ready to step-in and take over when your partner needs a break.  When children know that they can count on both parents equally, then you are well on your way to creating an atmosphere of trust and respect in your home.  That’s good parenting.

Let’s face it, sometimes fathers feel a bit left out.  They may feel a little unsure of their abilities in the parenting department, and moms, like many other species, can smell fear.  Not only do we moms want to save a father from feeling bad, we also want to prevent as much fussing as possible, by both the father and the child.  So we step in.  The problem is, sometimes we don’t step out again. Having a mom is great, but children need the special perspective that only a dad can offer.

• Don’t be afraid to be alone with your child.  If your child is in the baby stage, the most important thing to remember is this:  babies cry sometimes.  You cannot always prevent it.  So, rather than being intimidated by it, go through a mental checklist:  Is the baby hungry, tired, hot, cold, or in need of a diaper change?  If you’ve tried to fix the above issues and the crying continues, try a change of scenery (and bring the baby with you).  If possible, walk outside, several laps around the house, or up and down the street.  If you’re not sure how to work the stroller, don’t use it.  You will eventually succeed in calming your baby.  And, in doing so, you will feel an incredible sense of pride in yourself and your “dad instinct.”

• Children love to cuddle with their dads.  You guys have some kind of kid-calming mechanism implanted in you somehow, I am convinced.  You’re warm, you’re calm, you talk in a low-pitched voice, and you can sit for hours, snuggling and watching baseball.  Revel in the fact that you have a talent that mom may not have – the snuggling factor.  Kids often seek mom out for emergencies (no matter how trivial), but if you are open to it, they will seek you out for snuggling, for comfort, for security.  You lucky dog, you.