[Sen-si-tiv-i-ty, adj. easily offended, embarrassed, and angered; hurt feelings from tone of voice; cares about others.]

I’m 6’4” tall and weigh 250 pounds. I’m an amateur boxer. I lift weights. Oh, did I tell you that I’m also a sensitive guy? Yeah, you heard right; sensitive. Being sensitive can have a downside and an upside. On the downside, sensitivity can cause an ADHDer to wear their emotions on their sleeve. We’re often easily hurt and offended when people confront us, even if they do so in a kind way. We tend to read into situations much more than we need to and our tendency is to assume the worst. When we’re upset, our ADHD mind can blow situations out of proportion and create that uncontrollable titan of hurt feelings, a.k.a. “The Incredible Sulk”.

On the upside, people with ADHD have tender hearts and are usually kind and generous to their peers, especially when they recognize that the other person is hurting. Because ADHD children are acutely aware of their surroundings, even when it doesn’t seem that way at all, their gift of compassion will tune them into other children and even adults who needs some love. They may need some guidance on appropriate ways to “give some love” and also be sure to praise them for their caring heart. It will be a great encouragement to them and should pay off dividends for you as well.

[Ad-dapt-a-bil-i-ty adj. changes subject a lot; adjusts to different conditions; enjoys variety; eager to offer suggestions and assistance.]

ADHD brains thrive within structured environments (the how, what and when), but absolutely can’t stand routines (doing things we already know how to do over and over). It’s important to understand the difference between the two and find ways to help your child have flexibility within a structured environment.

ADHDers love variety and changing things up. Whether it’s school work or chores, the option to approach the task a little bit differently or slightly deviate from the normal “order of the day”, is vital to keeping us ADHDers engaged. As you know, our boredom threshold is very low. On the flip side, this need for variety means that when we’re in the right frame of mind and environment, we can adapt on the fly and change direction mid-sentence. Another name for adaptability is flexibility. The dictionary says that if someone or something is flexible, they are pliable, and capable of being bent without breaking. Each one of those renderings can be applied to most children and adults who have ADHD. An ADHD mind is usually open to all options and very malleable. With our minds constantly on the move and our imaginations running wild, we’re capable of quickly switching gears in order to consider the best solution for almost any situation. This kind of mental orientation can be a wonderful asset for any activity or career which requires creativity, out-of-the-box thinking, problem solving and innovation. (ADHDers are not great at pulling together and administering all the details, but they have the best ideas ever!)

What this means, is that you should definitely look for opportunities to let your child’s imagination soar and keep a close eye on their interests, giving them a chance to show off their ability to create, brainstorm and let their imaginations go wild.

[Re-source-ful-ness, adj. looking at other student’s papers; asks lots of questions; blurts out answers before their called upon; impatiently takes matters into their own hands.]

When I was in special education growing up, my greatest desire was to be normal. Being looked upon as different by teachers and students hurt me a great deal. I knew my mom loved me no matter what, but her opinion of me wasn’t enough to counteract everyone else’s. Teachers seemed to talk to me differently from how they talked to “normal” students. At least, that was my perception. I stood out and became a target for kids to tease and harass. After years of putting up with this, my single goal in life was to get out of special education and get into the mainstream classes.

Unfortunately, my solution was not a good one. I became a cheater. I couldn’t understand and retain the information that I was being taught (learning disabilities + ADHD = double whammy). Let me explain. Being a good people person (most ADHD people are) I became a resourceful little kid. I bugged all of my classmates for answers and help to problems I didn’t understand. Before each test I would collect as much information as possible and put it on cheat sheets. This was a great plan until I finally got caught. I think my teacher was superman or at least he had x-ray vision. How he saw my cheat sheet, I’ll never know. It was such a tiny piece of paper. Would you believe only 2”x2”? Plus, I hid it up my shirt sleeve. This was a technique I had used countless times. When I got caught I prepared myself for the worst, but instead, my teacher saw it as a teachable moment and took full advantage of it.

He was extremely impressed that I got so much information on the tiny piece of paper. So, instead of reprimanding me or talking to my parents, he started asking me questions that were on the test. I actually knew the answers without the aid of my cheat sheet. My teacher recognized that in the process of composing it, I ended up learning everything that was on it. From that point on, he required me to write up a “study sheet”, instead of a cheat sheet, and turn it in before every test. My resourcefulness enabled me to discover a study tool that was invaluable in learning the information I needed to pass my tests.

The point is that being different, and having to survive, means that people with ADHD learn how to be resourceful early on. I believe this gives us a distinct advantage over our peers to whom many thing come easily. While, as you saw from my story, sometimes this resourcefulness does not express itself in the best way, it is important that you recognize it for what it is and find ways to encourage it while steering your child to make wise choices.

[Sense of hu-mor, n. points out funny actions, objects, and situations in classroom; laughs at weird moments; makes inappropriate comments; good at entertaining themselves.]

Bill Cosby has said that he doesn’t tell jokes; he takes real-life situations and finds the funny in them. As life zooms by, those of us with ADHD, have been blessed with the lightning-fast minds to do just that, find the funny in life. Comedy is a large part of my speaking presentations. I love to laugh and see people laugh. When I was a kid, I found it hard not to want to point out some of the things I saw around me, at school, at home or on the street that I thought were really funny. My desire was to spread the joy I received from noticing things that most people missed. This unfortunately caused some issues with my the subjects of my observations and especially at school, I got reprimanded a lot. A major turning point for me came when one of my teachers, who enjoyed my sense of humor, encouraged me to think about the timing and delivery of my humor.  He said, “Ben if you want people to enjoy your humor, you need to ask this question: Is this an appropriate time to be funny? If it is, then let her rip. If not, then tame the tongue.”

To this day I use that sound advice and constantly challenge myself to be serious when it is time to be serious and to be funny when it’s time to be funny. One of my favorite books says that there is a time and season for everything; I just need to make sure that I’m in the right season at the right time. Another valuable lesson I have learned regarding humor involves the appropriateness of my humor’s content. Is my joke suitable? Is there any possibility that it could be offensive to someone? Is it at someone’s expense? Being an impulsive person I have hurt a lot of people by speaking before thinking. Humor should be a tool to induce fun and enjoyment for everyone and not a tool to inflict embarrassment and pain to anyone. Sure, as a comic, I’d like to always “leave em laughin’” but never by making them cry or feel uncomfortable.

I am thankful for this teacher’s guidance and directness with me. He helped me understand how to use my sense with wisdom and sensitivity. Humor is such a powerful expression and with kind, but timely guidance and encouragement children with ADHD can certainly learn how to harness this skill to their great advantage.

As an ADHD lifer I am here to declare to you that there is more to ADHD than meets the eye. Unfortunately, because the negatives can be so disruptive at home and especially in the classroom, any positives that might exist can get lost in the negative’s glare. But don’t lose heart, there is good to be found in ADHD.

Too often teachers will unintentionally miss the good in ADHD because most classroom settings naturally create an environment with which ADHDers struggle. It is usually easier to spot the positive in ADHD outside of the classroom, so if you’re a parent be on the lookout for all the great things about your child that you can share with your child’s teacher.

When a teacher becomes aware of the positive ADHD traits and recognizes them in a student, the awareness creates a long term potential that can benefit the student’s learning as well as the teacher’s instructing.

[HIGH ENERGY high en-er-gy, adj. difficulty in sitting still; talking out of turn; jumping out of seat; wandering the room; excitable and distracted.]

It’s no secret that most people with ADHD are born with an inner nuclear reactor to fuel them with limitless energy. Upon seeing hyperactivity in kids, you’d swear that they were strung out on caffeine or Pixie Sticks. While, the inability to sit still and stop the constant jiggling, tapping and rubber-necking is a challenge in the typical classroom, outside of school, this high energy can be a wonderful gift especially if it’s given some direction and focus and slightly dampened by physical activity.

The key to helping your child harness and channel their energy is to get them to expend a whole lot of it first. Sounds a bit counterintuitive, but strenuous physical exercise is actually extremely helpful to those with ADHD. Everyone knows that exercise is great not just for the body, but the brain as well and nowhere is it more than true than when it comes to ADHD. There is also evidence that exercise can improve both memory and learning, so blowing off some energy is essential for children with ADHD, even those who don’t have the hyperactive component.

The good news about ADHDers and their high energy is that even after you’ve run them ragged physically, they still have ample mental energy left over for things like homework and special projects only now they can actually sit still long enough to get something done.