Pregnancy can be an overwhelming experience. Soon-to-be mothers (and fathers) are inundated with advice and information, from the marketing campaigns designed to convince you of all the “must-have” products you need to buy to the friends, relatives, and random strangers who feel free to shower you with unsolicited advice. 

When you’re expecting, you will also more than likely be on the receiving end of at least a few inevitable questions about the supposed holy grail of birth preparation:  the birth plan.

Do You Really Need A Birth Plan?

There is no definitive answer as to whether or not pregnant women truly need a birth plan.  Some care providers, birth activists, and experienced mothers will tell you that, yes, writing a birth plan is absolutely the best way to prepare for your baby’s arrival.  Others will insist that trying to plan an event as unpredictable as childbirth can only set you up for disappointment.

In reality, there is no black and white answer — which new parents will soon find to be true for just about every aspect of parenting.  In my recent article Do You Really Need A Birth Plan? you will find a more comprehensive discussion of what exactly a birth plan is, as well as further exploration of a birth plan’s benefits and limitations, and also my experience in choosing not to write one.

What Do Pregnant Women Need More Than A Birth Plan?

You read that last line correctly — I have never have written a birth plan.  And after two positive birth experiences, it’s a decision I don’t regret.  For women who are about to give birth, there are three things that are far more important than a simple piece of paper.

1. Childbirth Education. 

If you don’t know your options, you don’t really have any.  In order to receive the care you expect and deserve, you have to take the initiative to educate yourself.  Read books such as Henci Goer’s The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth, and watch films such as The Business of Being Born.  Invest your time and money in childbirth education classes, preferably those taught by independent instructors who are not affiliated with any particular doctor or hospital.

Birth is unpredictable, and you can’t plan for every possible scenario.  But if you understand how labor works and are knowledgeable about the risks and benefits of various interventions, you will be better prepared to make informed decisions.  More importantly, you will be prepared to cope if your actual experience deviates from any plans you may have written.

2. Support.

It can be difficult to advocate for yourself and your choices when you are in active labor, so an effective support system is crucial.  And, I’m sorry, but a piece of paper pales in comparison to having a real live person beside you who understands your goals and can advocate on your behalf.  The presence of an extra support person whose sole purpose is to protect your best interests can have a huge impact on the outcome of your birth.

For some women, a husband, partner, mother, sister, or close friend can fill this role.  Other women choose to hire a “doula” — a professionally trained labor support person — to join them at their birth.  Doulas are experienced at providing a variety of support measures to laboring women, and many are also excellent at facilitating communication between patients and care providers as well.

3. The Right Birth Attendant.

You can write the best birth plan in the world, but if your birth attendant won’t read it or doesn’t agree with what you’ve written, it won’t get you very far.  Take the time to interview several potential doctors and midwives, and choose one who shares your birth philosophy and truly respects your goals.

If you discover during the course of your pregnancy that you have chosen the wrong individual to attend the birth of your baby, make the effort to find someone new!!  It’s almost never too late to change providers, and when you don’t have to fight for your choices or second-guess the motives of your doctor or midwife while you’re in active labor, you’ll be happy you made the switch.

Preparation Is More Important Than A Plan

Writing a birth plan can be a great way to start thinking about the kind of labor and delivery you hope to have, and in some circumstances, a written summary of your desires really can be beneficial.  But you simply cannot plan all the details of your birth, and a birth plan will never be some sort of magic bullet that will ensure a “perfect” scenario.

Giving birth is one of the hardest things you will ever do, and it’s also an experience that can hardly be contained on a sheet of paper.  Write a birth plan if you find it helpful, but do yourself a favor – make sure that you also possess the knowledge and the personal and professional support that you need in order to achieve the birth experience you deserve.

Did you write a birth plan? Was it helpful? What do you think pregnant women need to do to prepare for a positive birth experience?

The best way to keep your home peaceful and free from clutter is to prevent things you don’t need from ever coming into your house in the first place.

I know, easier said than done, right? But it is possible. If you want to learn how to accumulate less stuff, try employing one or all of the following techniques.

• Shop Less.  We live in an age of rampant consumerism, where companies spend millions marketing their products, and we’re constantly encouraged to buy more. One easy way to avoid the pressure? Spend less time in stores. The fewer opportunities you have to impulse shop, the fewer unnecessary items you’re likely to bring into your home.
• Follow the “one in, one out rule.” When you want to bring something new into your house, be sure to get rid of something old first. Don’t buy new clothes until you’ve donated or sold some that you no longer wear. Help your children choose which toys they no longer want before buying or opening new ones.
• Choose experiences, not things.  It’s tempting to spend our disposable income on tangible possessions, and to feel constant pressure to buy things as gifts.  But tickets to shows or baseball games or local museums also make great purchases that can create special family memories while keeping your home clutter-free.
• Consider hosting gift-free birthday parties.  My seven year-old was recently invited to a birthday party where she was asked not to bring a gift. Unusual, yes, but I love the idea of teaching our children that parties should be more about celebrating with friends than greedily awaiting the gifts they may bring us.
• Live in a smaller home.  I’m not suggesting that you should pick up and move, or that you can’t be happy in a big house. But a smaller home forces you to consider your possessions more carefully since storage space is at a premium. And as an added bonus there are fewer bathrooms to clean!

Do you shop more often than necessary, or live beyond your means because you feel constantly pressured to buy? How do you avoid accumulating possessions you don’t need? And what do you think about gift-free birthday parties?  I would love to hear your personal stories and opinions!

I’ve admitted to being ruthless when it comes to kicking clutter out of my life. But if I’m being completely honest, I have to make a confession: I find it nearly impossible to part with my children’s baby clothes.

My attachment to these clothes is purely sentimental. It isn’t the articles of clothing themselves that I don’t want to lose, but rather the memories that they evoke each time I look at them — the dress my daughter wore the day she took her first step, the blanket the midwife wrapped my son in after his peaceful birth at home.

Even when we know how important it is to de-clutter and simplify, we have to make room in our lives to keep the things that really matter. Personally, I’ve chosen to keep a few special items that hold significance, even though I know that I’ll never actually use them again. But I’ve also pushed myself to move past my emotional attachment to the other stuff, because in the end, it’s just stuff.

The following are some of my favorite ways to get rid of my children’s outgrown clothes (once I’ve actually convinced myself that the time has come to let them go, that is.)

• Resale Shops.  Most cities have at least one consignment or resale shop that deals specifically in gently used children’s clothing. I like Once Upon A Child because I can take my stuff into the store without an appointment, and they can usually tell me within about an hour what they want to buy and how much they will pay me for it.  It’s a quick and efficient way to clear clutter and make some cash.
• Consignment.  At traditional consignment stores, you have to leave your items in the store and then wait to see if they sell before you make any money. Personally, I prefer resale shops that pay a flat fee up front, but some people claim that you can make more per item through consignment. To learn more about reselling vs. consigning, visit the website How to Consign.
• Host A Clothing Swap. Organizing a clothing swap with a group of local parents is a great way to pass along your used kid’s clothes. It’s nice to see the clothes go to someone you know, and as an added bonus, you have the opportunity to find new clothes for your own children at no cost.
• Make A Quilt.  If you find yourself with certain items of clothing that you just can’t part with, cut them up and make them into a quilt. Yes, it’s sentimental and probably impractical, but a small quilt made from your children’s baby clothes can be a cherished keepsake that prevents you from keeping those clothes in your closet forever.

Am I the only one who becomes sentimentally attached to baby clothes? What types of possessions do you have difficulty parting with? And what do you do with the clothing your children have outgrown? 

Once you’ve made the decision to simplify your life and clear the clutter from your home, it’s time to be ruthless. My rule of thumb is that if it doesn’t fit or get used on a regular basis, it’s time to toss it.

Personally, I find that figuring out what to get rid of is the easy part. The hard part is figuring out how to get rid of the things I no longer want. Fortunately, I’ve learned from experience that there are many great options available.

• Craigslist.  At Craigslist, you can post a description of the items you want to sell, name your desired price, and wait for buyers in your local area to respond. You can sell anything from furniture to an old record collection on Craigslist, the only drawback being that you have to meet up with total strangers in order to complete your sale. While most people are very nice, be aware that scam artists do exist.
• eBay.  Unlike Craigslist, which is primarily local, eBay has the potential to reach a worldwide audience. However, there are fees to list your items for sale, and you will be responsible for shipping. If you have antiques or collectibles, or unique items that you can’t sell locally, eBay might be the best way to connect with the right audience (and make a decent profit at the same time).
• Freecycle.  You won’t make any money if you use The Freecycle Network, but if you have items that you can’t sell and don’t want, Freecycle is a great way to get rid of them and keep them out of a landfill. You will be amazed by what people will take off your hands when they don’t have to pay a dime.
• Donation.  I like donating items because it’s a great way to teach our children (and remind ourselves) about the importance of helping those less fortunate. When we’re having a hard time parting with our things, it helps to remember that there are real people out there who truly need our belongings in a way that we do not. Children’s hospitals, church nurseries, homeless and women’s shelters, and charitable organizations like Goodwill and Vietnam Veterans of America are all excellent places to take donations.
• Garage Sales.  A good, old-fashioned garage sale can be one of the best ways to move some stuff and make some cash. You’re likely to be successful if you sell big ticket items like baby furniture or appliances, organize and advertise your sale well, and are willing to bargain with your customers. I’ve had more garage sales than I care to count, and I’ve made a lot of money doing so, so if you’re looking for some helpful how-to hints, see my article 10 Simple Steps To A Successful Garage Sale.

Have you used any of these options to get rid of stuff you no longer need? Was your experience positive or negative? Please share with the rest of us!

Initially, I was motivated to clear the clutter from my life by an intense desire to never again see, purchase or use bubble wrap in any capacity. Moving repeatedly will do that to you. But when a friend recommended that I read the book Simplicity Parenting, my motivation for getting rid of my clutter changed completely.

Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less To Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids is a must-read book for parents everywhere. Author Kim John Payne writes with great conviction about the importance of simplifying family life in order to benefit both our children and ourselves.

“We are building our daily lives, and our families, on the four pillars of too much: too much stuff, too many choices, too much information, and too much speed. With this level of busyness, distractions, time pressure, and clutter (mental and physical), children are robbed of the time and ease they need to explore their worlds and their emerging selves.”

Payne devotes an entire chapter of his book to the importance of simplifying a child’s environment, encouraging parents to toss toys, simplify clothing choices, and even reduce the number of books to just a favorite few. Payne believes that our children are often overwhelmed by the mental and physical clutter that surrounds them, and I believe that his theories apply to adults as well.

After reading Simplicity Parenting I found myself reading other books about the importance of simplifying our lives. Then, I made the decision to banish clutter relentlessly for the following three reasons:

• A clutter-filled home is a source of stress for all who live there.
• Clutter ties you to your past, and prevents you from embracing your future.
• Children benefit dramatically from a reduction in clutter.

I want to be surrounded by belongings that I love and use on a daily basis. I want my children to value people over things, and to grow up free from the belief that they are defined by their possessions. I want to make room in my life for new and exciting adventures, instead of holding on too tightly to adventures that have already passed.

I’m on a perpetual mission to keep my home clutter-free, and I’m asking you to join me.

Take a look around your own house. Are you living a life that is physically and mentally cluttered?  Do you have more stuff than you really need?  Is it affecting your children?  How can you simplify your life? 

Growing up, I always wondered how my mother managed to accumulate so much “stuff.” Our house seemed to be filled with the toys my sisters and I no longer played with, and the clothes we no longer wore. Then, seven years ago, I became a mother myself. 

And finally, I understood.

It starts with books about what to expect, and is quickly followed by a cascade of typical baby shower gear – blankets, baby swings, bouncy seats, and more. As children grow older, you find yourself with closets full of outgrown clothes and shoes. Art projects and crayon drawings and milk carton piggy banks find their way home from school. Year after year, birthdays yield new gifts that leave toy chests overflowing and bedroom floors almost indiscernible.

And of course you keep that baby swing and bouncy seat and the tattered copy of What To Expect, just in case you decide to take the plunge and actually have that next baby after all.

In the past few years, however, I have become ruthless when it comes to clearing all the excess “stuff” that is cluttering up my life. I wish I could say that this was the result of some sort of Zen inspiration to be a better person, but really, my clutter-busting ways are more the result of necessity. In just four years, I’ve packed up all of my family’s earthly possessions for moves in and out of six different homes.

Trust me when I tell you that there’s nothing like repeatedly packing and unpacking all those moving boxes to force you to take a good hard look at what you really need.

Glass mixing bowls? Gone. Anything requiring bubble wrap or careful packing? Gone. Several of my daughter’s less than stellar kindergarten art projects? In the trash. (Shh, that last one is a secret. And before you judge, you should know that I at least kept a few of the better ones. I’m not totally heartless.)

With each successive move, I’ve gotten rid of more and more of our stuff, and I have to say, I’ve never looked back and regretted any of my ruthless purging. For the rest of the week, I’ll be writing about how excess clutter can create stress for the entire family, and sharing tips I’ve learned through experience about how to get rid of the things we no longer need.

But for now, I want to hear the stories of your stuff. Do you feel like you have too much clutter in your home? What types of possessions do you keep long after you truly need them?